43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Turns Out Tuesdays Are Just As Bad July 10, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:20 am
Tags: , , ,

As my one loyal follower 😉 just asked, I know I’ve owed you all an update. But to put it in the blog makes it (mostly) true. When last you heard, I hadn’t heard from my unicorn, so against most advice, I wrote to him again. Oh, and one more time after that for good measure. Bad decisions are mostly my thing. I’m not sure this was a bad one though. It just didn’t garner me the response I was hoping for.

I was driving myself crazy with all of my neurotic ‘what if’s’ and ‘what I could have done betters’. Without knowing what was going on with his dad, with him or with me, I was left to either believe what he had told me or decide that he had lied about everything – his feelings and thoughts about me included. I just didn’t want to do that.

I figured it couldn’t hurt (famous last words, right?). If he wasn’t interested, this would just give him one more reason not to be. So I sent him a message. One saying I hoped that he was well. That I hoped that his dad was doing well. That although I knew I had no right to ask and felt hugely lame and selfish for doing so, that I just didn’t know where his head was at regarding me and that I wasn’t sure if he even wanted to be hearing from me or have me checking in.

One of my biggest faults is taking people at their word. And yes, I know how completely fucked up it is to consider that a fault. I believe what people tell me and I don’t ask many questions. I certainly don’t ask questions when I don’t really want to hear the answers. I couldn’t figure out how someone as seemingly sincere, honest, open and forthcoming who had been all about multiple forms of contact each day could do a complete 180. While not being a total Polyanna about things, I know people lie. I know men lie. I just don’t like to acknowledge that when it comes to me. As to do so would prove my dirty little secret fear that at least for me, guys aren’t really interested in ‘me’, they’re just interested in sleeping with me. No, I’m not some great prize and am far from the sexiest woman alive, but my past (fucked up) relationships have sort of supported that thought.

Anyway, I’m getting off target here. So I sent my message to him on Monday night. And he responded 1st thing Tuesday morning. I actually looked at his message sitting in my in box for a good 2 minutes before opening it. And when I did, here’s what it said:

Hi Grey Goose,

Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I have been so busy with work and mostly travel. I have been back for a few days. Going back to see dad later this week. dad is not doing too well, so I will most likely be going back and forth for awhile. Not much time for anything else right now. Its not fair for you to be waiting around for me to get things taken care of. I have basically put the rest of my life on hold for right now….its the only way i can deal with these things. I appreciate you checking in to see how things are. The only thing I can say is I can try and get with you when things settle down. i can not say when that will be at this point, but I most certainly don’t want you waiting around for me….or anyone else for that matter.

I will let you know when things calm down. If you chose not to talk to me at that point, I will understand.

Hope all is well. talk to you later.

Unicorn

And there you have it.  Nothing flowery or even remotely personal.  No ‘I’ll miss yous’.  No ‘I wish it could be different’.  No ‘I really liked yous’.  He’s just not interested enough to let me help.  Or for him to keep in contact with.  And it sucks.  While I DO absolutely believe what he’s saying about his dad, I guess I can’t wrap my head around why I just got shut out.  I understand the whole feeling of being overwhelmed and I guess the fact that he didn’t get to know me quite well enough before this happened put me in a disposable category (which may have happened even if we had met sooner).  I would like to believe that I will hear from him again in the future.  If I do, I will ask how/why he disappeared without a word and will be much more cautious with my feelings (ha – famous last words).  I also know that if I do, I will give him a pass.  I’m just not sure that I will ever hear from him again… and that makes me exceptionally sad.

As I know you’re all just assuming (and rightly so) that I had to respond one last time, of course I did.  And here’s what I sent:

Hi Unicorn,

I’m so very sorry for all that you and your dad are going through.  I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you traveling back and forth while worrying about work, your house, your dad and all else.  I do wish we knew each other better so you would know that there’s not much I wouldn’t do to help a friend.  I feel bad for your going through this on your own.

Thank you for your reply.  Although not what I was hoping for, I completely understand.  The last thing in the world you need to worry about is me.  I do hope you know what a good man (and son) you are.

Please know that if you ever need to talk or vent or whatever, that I’m here.  You can call or e-mail anytime.

Take care of yourself & your dad.  I’ll keep you both in my thoughts…..

And thus ends the most interesting thing to have happened in my pathetic dating life in over a year.  There is no one even remotely interesting on the horizon for me.  I have spent the last few days feeling exceptionally sorry for myself.  I try to keep busy and go out and do things with friends, but that horrible thought of ‘if only I were better….’ still lingers in the back of my mind and what might have happened (or not), had the situation/timing been different.

Bleck….. Now would be an awesome time for you all to embrace your own inner Pollyannas and assure me that he is being sincere and that I WILL hear from him again …. oh, and of course, how awesome I am. 😉

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15 Responses to “Turns Out Tuesdays Are Just As Bad”

  1. He really could be telling you the truth and you really might hear from him. But bigger than that GG, you are a good catch, worthy and most definitely “good enough” there are just a shit ton of losers and assholes out there that have to be waded through. The Unicorn is not dead, possibly just honestly distracted. There are more unicorns. I swear. — Hugs and love to you.

  2. Tripletallmocha Says:

    To me, and I don’t want to sound harsh, but it was his way of saying he has decided he is not interested. He probably did have issues going on with his Dad. I just went thru something similar. I decided I wanted to reach out on an online site. This one guy contacted me and and we started talking/texting a lot – then he said a few things that turned me off. Came on a bit too strong etc… then I had some issues with one of my kids and my mom’s health and termites so i just told him it wasn’t fair to him to bring him in to my crazy, busy, messed up life. What I was really saying was I wasn’t interested. I don’t care how screwed up my life was/is if I like a guy I will make time for him. I also realized how much I really like my freedom and singlehood and not having to be worrying if he is going to text back, call email, does he like me blah blah blah.

    What I am trying to say (in a terrible way – I suck at writing) is he probably was seeking some attention, ego strokes, “companionship” but then decided that you wanted a real relationship so he used the issue with his dad as a cop out. Maybe I am totally off base, but that is what I discerned from the email and his actions. Sorry I know that is probably not what you wanted to hear.

    • Ouch TTM ~ did you miss the part of me asking you to embrace your inner Polyanna? 😉 I know, I know – if he was interested, he’d still be in some sort of touch. This is the guy, after all, that apologized up and down and 3 ways to sideways for having to postpone one of our dates by a day because he wasn’t feeling well and was worried that I’d ‘get the wrong idea’ that he wasn’t interested. I am well versed on reading between the lines, I had just really hoped that this one was different as I’m now left to figure out what the hell it is about me that has made yet another prospect run for the hills….. I had followed his lead on interest level…. he’s the one that kept talking in absolutes ….. 😦

  3. Well you are awesome, but seriously. Fuck him. xoxo

  4. Matthew Says:

    I’d take his e-mail as ‘truth’…again this is the optimist in me, but what can I say…you occasionally have good judgement in character because you have me as a friend ;).

    The thing is…if I were in his situation I would likely react the same way. And I COMPLETELY understand you even wanting to be there as a friend for him during this time, but if the two of you were together for the potential of something more romantic and not a platonic thing. If that’s the intention…why try to build it as anything less? So, with that particular frame of mind…starting a relationship (regardless of any need-y-ness level) is going to be complicated, just for one self. When Becca and I first started dating I remember pacing around the apartment, talking to O’Malley, after having just returned from a date with her, trying to decide if I should call her to ask her out on another date already. I put that on myself…but if I was dealing with work, and dad health issues that’s not really something I’d want to add to my plate.

    Make sense?

    • Yes, makes sense. Just not what I wanted to happen. Maybe I’ll hear from him some time down the road. I sure hope I do, but I can’t totally Pollyanna myself about this 😉

  5. sillyg Says:

    ok, i have to keep reading here to see what happens. i hope this is one of those ones that just needs time…. but gg, i hate your last email back to him! you are so damn serious!

  6. Fun Philly Says:

    Sorry I’m late reading this and getting to you. As you know I have been dealing with sick parents since a little before 2000 and the recent death of one.

    I love you and this is me ripping the band aid off. You’re awesome and I wish you were in Philly with me until my dad’s passing and here with me now in Myrtle Beach during my mother’s continued illness. That being said. He isn’t into you, at least not the way you want and he’s a DICK. The way he worded that email the douche leads you to believe if things were different he would be in your life romantically. He also these the door cracked with that bullshit line, “if things get better blah, blah, bullshit”. Let me translate. The woman he wants in his life to support him through all this IS in his life and should she decide this is too much for her, he’ll look you up. Again I say he’s a dick! Everyone deals different but not that much.

    There was a guy in my life that wanted to be there for me, like you want to be for him, at the end of my dad’s life and at that time I would have taken the support of a serial killer but I didn’t want him to be there because I didn’t want him my life AFTER it was all over.

    I know better than anyone it’s easier said than done but cut your loses and move on. You say you think you dated all the men in your area… move here. I’d be glad to have you and set you up with some nice Jewish boys 😉

    Good Luck…

    Love and Later Days
    -K

    P.S. there was nothing you did or could have done different. Just thank God he didn’t pull you into his mess and then dump you after.

    • Thanks K. I get it. I always knew, just didn’t want to believe it …. didn’t want to admit that I let yet another guy dupe me or that I scared another one off….

      oh, and by the way, I don’t like Jewish guys …. at least not the ones I’ve run across (and before anyone gets pissed at me for being a bigot, I’M Jewish!)


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