So I’ve waffled back and forth regarding getting in touch with a specific old friend. Our past relationship has been filled with many ups and downs. He’s made me laugh, he’s made me cry, he’s brightened my day and he’s also made me want to throw myself off the roof at times. He’s put me in some very awkward and uncomfortable situations. He’s hurt my feelings more times than I can count.
I tend to forgive more than I should. I know everyone makes mistakes. Everyone is able to improve or better themselves. I have never felt that any ‘wrong’ done to me was intentional. I hold out high hopes that he is ‘better’ now and will be nicer to me.
I know I’m playing with fire. I know I may be setting myself up for a world of hurt. I can’t go through life expecting the worst of people though. Although it tends to lean towards the ‘dribble’ variety, I try to keep my glass half full.
I’m sure many of you are currently yelling at your computer screens (hopefully you’re not in church) and shaking your heads. You’re right, I may NEVER learn. I think it’s just something I need to do. To at least try. Again. And hope for better results.
Although I’m sure you’re all frustrated with me at the moment, I hope you find it in your hearts to keep good thoughts because, after much deliberation back and forth; After much soul searching and trying to figure out if I’m ‘strong’ enough to go through this again; if I’m up for the disappointment and aggravation; I’ve made my decisions. I’m going to put up a profile back up on OkCupid.
What did you think I was talking about?
I would say if he had gotten in touch with you…then that would be a sign that maybe things have changed. Since you are reaching out to him, I would have to say that yes, you are setting yourself up for more of the same hurt.
Don’t get me wrong…I understand completely not being able to let go of something…especially when you feel things are unfinished on your end.
Finish them. Make this the time you see the whole picture for what it really is and not the little pieces here and there that you hope make more of a statement than they really do.
Do what you need to do…but do it with an open heart to the reality.
Thank you for your sweet comment Dawn. It makes complete sense. This post, however, was completely sarcastic in that the ‘he’ that I referred to as revisiting and taking a chance on humiliating myself again with is actually the dating site, OkCupid (which I have referred to, many times in the past, as OkStupid) and not an actual guy (i.e. The Unicorn or TD …. or any other of the hundred or so that still owe me an explanation) 😉
As for the explanation…they’re men. What else do you need? LOL
Haha, I can totally understand why you thought that I, once again, was going to try and talk my way into making some guy who really doesn’t like me, like me 😉
Well…we’ve all done it a time or two. haha
You had me fooled. And yes, I was shaking my head – how did you know? So glad I kept reading through to the end.
Haha – I’m sure you weren’t the only one thinking that I was talking about TD and calling me some very ‘colorful’ names. 😉
Well…I did meet Becca on there….*whispers* it just took me being on there off/on for 10 years.
I totally forgot that’s where you met Becca! 10 years, huh? Uhm, I may still be a year or two away. Darn
Bahaha! Thanks for the good laugh. And yes, I was yelling at you!
No need to worry about that – he’s in love with that train wreck…and yes, he felt the need to tell me….