43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Someone Is Colorblind July 19, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:40 am
Tags: , , ,

And it isn’t me. Craptastic E-Harmony has this color coding system for all of my ‘perfect’ matches. Someone who appears with a green background is ‘great’ for me, just a ‘bit’ outside my requested parameters. These parameters could be anything from location (no, I did not request to matched with someone who lives 200 miles away), to height (thanks for the 5’6″ guys, but since I’m 5’10”, that’s just never going to happen), to not even having a photo posted (sorry, no pictures, no contact). Now, if a match arrives in my in-box with a blue border, then they’re supposedly PERFECT for me. Based on the 2,456,785 inane personality questions asked when you sign up.

Let me give you a rundown of today’s ‘perfect’ matches for me:

1) A 5’6″ Asian IT guy who lives 200+ miles from me, is uber religious (I’m not), is 5’6″ inches tall, does not like dogs and who likes to play video games on the weekends.

2) Someone whose one and only picture is of his dog. No, not he and his dog, just his dog and who hasn’t filled out any of the ‘essay’ portions of his profile.

3) A dump truck driver who again lives 200+ miles from me, hasn’t filled out any of his profile and who loves to fish.

I ask you, what the hell do any of these guys (or dog) have to do with anything remotely similar to me, my interests or my preferences?

I promise you, I cast a wide net online. I’m not superficial enough to require a certain height (I only ask that I can look them in the eye without throwing my back out), hair color, income or profession (although I don’t think I could actually get into ‘job talk’ with a dump truck driver). I usually read someone’s profile before I even look at the photos. When the only information I have to go on is that they can’t live without their bible, their worlds of warfare or a Mickey’s big mouth, that leaves me only with their photo. Which inevitably is of them holding up a dead fish, doing lewd things to a statue or standing a great distance from the camera, yet next to a mid life crisis mobile…..

In what world are these men ‘perfect’ for me?


5 Responses to “Someone Is Colorblind”

  1. Matthew Says:

    Maybe the profile is actually for the dog?; in which case could be a better match for you than a lot of the guys you’ve met online so far.

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