43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

What I’ve Learned In 100 Years Of Dating July 21, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:43 am

We haven’t had an Introspective Monday in a while …… yes, that was your warning to stop reading right now and run …. run fast and run far………. 😉

This blog is about online dating but really online is no different from ‘traditional’ dating.  It’s just a different way to meet your dates.

I’ve wondered what the issue is with my dating.  Or, more specifically, my dates.  There’s nothing wrong with them.  It’s me.  I’m the one that is the issue.  I’ve always wondered why I had such bad luck or why I always met the wrong guys.  I haven’t.  I’ve just not conducted myself in a way that anyone feels the need to stick around.

I’m not a game player.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  If I like a guy, I let them know.  I spend a lot of time building others up.  I go out of my way not to make others feel bad.  And like I can handle everything for fear of appearing weak.  I don’t complain or put my foot down for fear of appearing like a bitch.

I just heard a movie line.  ‘Treat them like shit & it makes them want you more.’  And I think it’s true.  Too bad I do the opposite.   I did it with TD, I did it with The Unicorn & I’ve probably done it with every guy I’ve been interested in for the last 10 years.

I spend so much time building others up and stroking their egos that they’re the ones that get complacent.  They know they ‘have me’ therefore they don’t have to work at it.  They know I’m not going anywhere.

Just like when a guy lets me know how much he likes me.  Whether I like him ‘enough’ or not, I know I don’t have to go out of my way in order to try and make sure he keeps liking me.  That’s my mistake.  And I hate that it’s taken me this long to figure it out.  I hate even more that I’m going to have to change who I am.

I spent 6 months putting TD back together after his break up with the crazy neighbor ex.  I spent the next year letting him know how awesome I thought he was.  Letting him know I wasn’t going anywhere.  Not letting him know what I wanted.  And needed.  Not having him ‘work’ to keep me around.  He could basically do anything and I was still there.

The Unicorn was much the same story. He spent a lot of time telling me how awesome I was. How much he liked me. How he only dates 1 person at a time. He told me about all the places we would go together and things we would do. He told me how he wasn’t treated nicely by his last 2 girlfriends. How he wasn’t used to being taken care of. I didn’t tell him about my last ‘relationship’ and how hurtful it was. I didn’t tell him, when he offered to take care of me and my knee, how much I wanted and needed someone to do that for me. Instead, I spent my time letting him know how much I liked him. How I would be the one to take care of him. If I truly dissected the time we had together, he was most attentive and communicative when I was stand offish at first. When I let him know how much I liked him is when he disappeared. I thought I was following his lead. I thought that since he’d told me how much he liked me, that I could do the same. How was I to know that I’d scare him off?

Thing is, I do know. I should have known a long time ago. I’ve got 2 choices; either don’t ever like a guy again or just don’t ever let a guy know that I like him. And I hate that. I hate that I can’t be ‘me’. That I have to play some game of being aloof. Some game that allows the guy to feel like he’s having to ‘chase’ me. I don’t know why it can’t just be that when a guy tells me how much he likes me that I can actually BELIEVE him. That it is then okay for me to tell him how much I like him.

I look back on my 100 or so years of dating and I was happiest, and most popular back in my college days and through my 20s. No, not just because I was pretty damn hot and had thighs that could crack a walnut. But because I didn’t really care much about guys or how I treated them. I never had a hard time getting a date. I never had a hard time keeping a guy interested because, sadly, I just wasn’t interested in them. And the ones that I was, yes, I probably scared away.

I’m not sure I’m going to be able to ‘learn’ my lesson and put these new ‘rules’ into action.  Pretty sure that after my ‘meet and greet’ tonight (who will inevitably like me because I’m not sure that I’m all that interested), that I’m going to have to take another break.  Not because there aren’t good guys out there, but because I apparently don’t know what to do with them……



7 Responses to “What I’ve Learned In 100 Years Of Dating”

  1. Fun Philly Says:

    You know I agree with changing yourself for the better. The things I changed were to stop being the “cool” chic. I would tell guys right away that I was into sports. I could hold my own at the bar and probably drink them under the table (could and still can), that I could do basic repairs on my car, I could walk in a bar full of sailors and have them running out of their scared and clutching their pearls because I could curse and tell dirty jokes with the best of them and It takes a lot to offend me. That was my way of making them feel at ease and more likely to come around. What it actually did was made them see me as one of the guys. So I was always stuck in the dreaded “friend zone” instead of being looked at as possible girlfriend. I has to start behaving like a “girlfriend” (act like a lady, basically) to get them to see me and treat me like one.

    With that being said, you don’t need to change that part of your personality. There is a saying, “never deny a person when they tell you who they are”. A person will tell you who they are if you just ask one question repeatedly, “why?”

    If he says “My mom says I’m mean”
    You ask, “why?”
    He will tell you…

    If he says “my ex girlfriends always cheat on me.”
    You ask, “why?”

    If he says “my friends say I’m a douche”
    You ask “why?”

    The answer that follow will tell you who he is.
    If the answers to those questions or any question are a shitty answer, I cursed my mom out because she got on my nerves. I have a tendency to ignore girlfriends during football season, I slept with my best friends ex. Run!

    The other thing watch what they do. If he tells you he can’t wait to see you but has never scheduled a date or cancels all the time, he’s lying. If he tells you he loves talking to you but you always have to initiate contact, he’s lying. If he says he’s a gentleman but the host or waiter has to always pu out your chair, he’s lying. He says he’s not nuts and takes antipsychotics… well you get the point. Lol.

    Please don’t change the things about yourself that allows you to be loving and caring, just don’t waste time on assholes who don’t appreciate it.

    That is all, the management.

    Love and Later Days,

    • That’s the thing with me K ~ I DON’T delude myself into believing words but not actions ~ when a guy does BOTH ~ follows through on what he says ~ says he’ll call and calls ~ says he can’t wait to see me and then makes plans ~ when he does take responsibility for past actions and relationships ~ is when I actually DO believe what he’s saying. It’s that I get accustomed (and quickly) to his words + actions and THEN I act in kind is when it all goes to shit apparently. I know I can’t change who I am, but maybe I need to change who he sees? Honestly, with the Unicorn, I absolutely let my guard down. He’s not like anyone else I’ve dated before – different type, different interests, different background – and I liked it all – and showed it – much earlier than I normally would have I guess as I thought it was ‘safe’….whether the dad thing is true and he really did put his life on hold or not, stopping all communication was shitty and if he really was interested, he wouldn’t have…

  2. sillyg Says:

    Funny, must have message from universe to write on this topic. I’m with you here…. always give to much. More than usually get back. It’s hard to act less interested than really are and flipping hate not just having heart on sleeve.

    • Must be one of those celestial things 😉 It’s absolutely ridiculous for anyone to act in a way that isn’t being true to themselves. It’s just going to take some time for us to find the guy that appreciates that! xo

  3. Sue In Real Life Says:

    Wow. We have exactly the same dating life. Identical. Unicorn included. Amazing.

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