43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

At Least I’m Consistent August 9, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:33 am
Tags: , , ,

So I started this blog to chronicle my search for love. Online. Not sure if that’s not an oxymoron. Maybe it’s just me that’s the moron, who knows? It was fun to write about past dates. Past good dates. Past horrible dates. I write in order to express myself in order to hopefully not explode by keeping everything inside.

It does get tiring, and very disheartening, to continually write about ‘good’ guys that I meet which everyone knows doesn’t happen often. When it does, I find myself getting hopeful, which I always thought was a good thing. Apparently it’s not. I don’t write about dates past the 1st or 2nd unless I’m questioning something. I would never violate my dates’ identities or privacy. Each time I write about someone new, I really hope that I WON’T be writing much more about them as that would mean things are going well. Seems as if I end up writing about everyone as they’re all short lived. I took a big chance trying to date again with my knee still being wonky and with me being a good 20 lbs overweight. I thought my ever waning confidence could handle it. It can’t. Oh, and yes, I’ve been dumped. Again. Via text.

I liked this one. We were similar in MANY ways. He was funny and kind and smart as hell. He seemed to really like me and pretty much told me as much. Until he didn’t. ‘Bad timing’ seems to be my nemesis. I’ve written about my thoughts on ‘bad timing’ before. I think it’s bullshit. Unless your parole is being revoked or you’re soaring off into space, there’s really no such thing if you like someone.

This time it’s that he wants to move. I totally ‘get’ that, but if he really liked me, he would continue on seeing me while still planning his move. People do long distance all the time, right? Who knows if it would have even gotten that far, but why, at any point in your life, would you opt out of seeing if maybe ‘the one’ you just met could be ‘the one’?  That makes me think that his reasoning that he gave me is bullshit.  That he just didn’t like me enough to continue on.

I thought I was doing okay. Just going with the flow. Seeing where things went. I didn’t though. I was the one to contact him since he’s been back. I was the one to suggest doing something tonight. I tried to ‘move things along’ I guess. I just knew, when I heard my text message alert go off, that it wasn’t going to be good news. It wasn’t. It was pleasant enough, but still I’m left to question, once again, what I could have done differently. What I did to make him not want to see where, if anywhere, this would go.

I’m off to cancel my online profiles. Yes, again. I just can’t do this anymore right now.

Although I have a pretty active social life and do many fun things that don’t involve boys, it sure was nice, for a short time, to have a boy in the mix….. 😦


14 Responses to “At Least I’m Consistent”

  1. SillyG Says:

    Well, GG. Besides wanting it to be a good one, there wasn’t that much vested. Whatever the case, that sucks…

  2. aww, sorry to hear this, I understand how disheartening it can be, it took me 3 years to meet “the one” – I kissed a lot of frogs and met a lot of strange and unsuitable men in that time! Maybe you do need to take a break and work out what you are looking for.
    I would heartily recommend you read the books of Greg Behrendt (http://peppermintsea.wordpress.com/2014/04/29/in-praise-of-greg-behrendt/) he really helped me to see the signs that a guy really wasn’t into me. Also, I can’t recommend highly enough the book “Are you the one for me” by Barbara De Angelis – (http://peppermintsea.wordpress.com/2014/04/03/do-you-have-to-settle-for-less/) she really showed me how to work out what I was looking for in a man. It worked! Good luck 🙂

    • Thanks Amy. I’m glad you found ‘your one’. I’ve met plenty of frogs and idiots in my time. I DO know what I want and it’s nothing superficial. I’ve spent a lifetime taking things away from bad dates and relationships in order to whittle down what’s really important to me. A kind heart, intelligent, driven, and responsible. These last 2 had all these traits. I don’t care about looks (although I have to be attracted to them) as I am attracted a wide variety of ‘types’, income, what they drive or anything unimportant. These last 2 WERE into me. Although I write like I am, I’m not actually stupid enough to believe empty compliments without seeing actions to back them up. I refuse to go through life being mistrusting of what men tell me, so if I see their actions and words being on the same page, then I assume all is good. I had no idea that this one was so conflicted – he had me fooled. We even spoke about being happy with where we were in our lives on our 1st date. I honestly believed that he was looking for someone lasting….. anywhooo, sorry for the ramble. Still trying to process this one in my head. I always appreciate your comments and advice….

  3. Dawn Says:

    Why do we always think it’s something we did? Something we didn’t do right? I know it’s hard…trust me, but you have to think more along the lines of “whew, thanks Universe dodged a crazy bullet there.”
    I’m slowly moving myself back into the phase of…let things be. Even though I’m still involved with someone, I’m back online (to date, nothing to speak of). I just came to the realization I was trying to control things…when truth is I only have control my my own emotions and reactions. If someone doesn’t want to see me, well, ok, thanks…I move on. I would expect the same respectful reaction if I decided that someone wasn’t right for me.
    My friend recently told me I don’t NEED a relationship, I WANT one. It changed my perspective…helped me let go a little more.
    I don’t have all the answers, but just think, if the roles were reversed, and this guy was into you, but you weren’t feeling it…how would you want him to react.


    • Thanks Dawn. Lucky gal. I am apparently not able to control my emotions/reactions as well. I’m either all in or all out and I can’t ‘switch’ that fast when it’s not my decision. There was a subsequent message from him letting me know that it truly wasn’t me, but just the situation (whatever). I think it would be easier if they’d just say ‘I don’t like you’ …. there’s no arguing or trying to justify anything about that. It’s black and white. You’re right though, how would I want someone else to react if I were to send them a ‘bad timing’ message.

      I am someone that absolutely doesn’t NEED a relationship, but I really really WANT one. Doesn’t make things any easier as it seems as if the ‘needy’ ones are the ones that end up with someone (granted, probably someone I wouldn’t want, but still)…..

      • Dawn Says:

        Haha when ever I get a little jealous of my needy friends in relationships I remind myself THAT is not the kind of relationship I want.

  4. Sue In Real Life Says:

    I am 42 and also got dumped by text by a guy who I had met online. We had been seeing each other for three months and I had met his kids and he had been the one to initiate any forward movement in the relationship. He talked about us moving in together – so I was totally blindsided by his text message. Then he proceeded to completely ignore me. It still hurts too much to this day (this was 8 months ago). I don’t understand how these guys can pretend to like you SO much and then just pull the rug out from under you. I am like you, I don’t open up easily, but I relaxed with him because he had me SO fooled. I feel like an idiot.

    I also deleted my online dating profile after trying to date again but ended up meeting what can only be described as a terrorist. Truly scary guy – I still can’t believe people like that are out there.

    Its tough out in the relationship world! I’m with you – we gotta hang in there – some days its really tough – but we’ve gotta keep believing. Best of luck!

    • Ouch. There’s no excuse for dumping via text after 3 months. Especially after he convinced you of so much. I’m so sorry. If there’s one thing I’ve learned learned from TD is that some men are absolutely clueless. Some are cowards, some are devious, some just think they’re doing the ‘right’ thing. Just know it wasn’t you and don’t lose hope. Your ‘one’ is out there, and all the idiots will just make you appreciate the good ones all the more.

  5. illanare Says:

    De-lurking (I’ve been a long-time lurker on your blog) to say sorry about this. Via text also adds insult to injury 😦

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