So you remember all the guys I listed from week one? Off to a great start, huh? Yeah, no. I actually met one (yes, the coffee date that I invited my friend to). Now they’re all off the list. Either their fault or mine (probably more theirs though ;-)), they’re no longer options. Some were flakey, some were rude, some were slackers, 2 were uber nice, but couldn’t pull it together enough to actually keep things rolling or *gasp* ask me to meet.
As I’ve adopted the ‘mirror’ route instead of the ‘chase’ route this go around, I am not going to be the one that suggests meeting. Or keeps in touch when they don’t. If we’ve got a good exchange going and then they disappear, I will check in once. If I don’t hear back, then that’s that. Looking back, I spent a LOT of time trying to ‘move things along’ in the past. I did it with TD and probably did it with the 2 guys that I met and liked very much last year. I don’t want to be the chaser. I want to be the chase-ee!
So here we are, end of week 2 and I’ve written 2 very nice ‘I don’t think we’re a match’ messages and then sat back and waited for some sort of shitty response. I never got one. They were both very nice about it. The 1st, who I thought had promise despite living in a VERY scary part of time, turned out to have huge issues with not being over his ex yet. How do I know this? Well that’s because he spent the 1st 25 minutes of our 1st phone call bitching about her. When I pointed this out to him, he said ‘well, you asked’. Uhm, no. No I didn’t.
The 2nd I actually hated telling ‘no’ to as he seemed like a hugely sweet and thoughtful guy. He has a very sketchy past though and although everyone deserves a 2nd chance and I don’t hold people’s pasts against them, his was sketchy for a long time and he’s only been on the straight and narrow for less than a year. I can’t get involved with that. Not at this point. My inner ‘fixer’ wanted to jump all over that, but I think my ‘fixing’ days are over. They never end well. For me, at least. He was a sweetheart though.
I might actually be meeting someone for a drink next week that seems very cool and seems to have a lot of the same outlooks and sensibilities that I do (smart, snarky, employed; you know, the important stuff). He lives uber far from me, but I’m going to give it a shot anyway. That is, if he manages to answer a text message within 10 hours. 😉
To round things out I got a message for someone asking for my phone number. I politely responded that I don’t give my number out right away and asked him a few innocuous questions. His response was, in it’s entirety: ‘up to you about the phone number, I’m not on here often’ (when in fact he always appears ‘online now’). My next not so polite response was to say that unless he put some effort into writing me a message, he’d never get my number. I also threw in that it would be nice if he actually bothered to tell me what his name is. His response, and I shit you not, was ‘Tom. Can I have your phone number’. WTF? Needless to say, I never responded back. I have since gotten a wink, a ‘hi’ and a ‘like’ from him. He’s either the dumbest man alive or computer generated.
I haven’t been online or put much effort into it this week, so I’ll try harder next week. Maybe 😉
The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater 
Sounds like you have a great new approach to this. My approach has been pretty much the same. If they ask “naughty or nice” they’re out, if they disappear they’re done. My counselor said not to delete them if they disappear, just leave them there and let them do the initiating.
I had one that we were having some nice small talk. He feels we are too far away at the moment and maybe if he moves in the summer where he wants it would be better. I said “ok” don’t be a stranger…then he kind of offered a mid way meet. I said he should let me know if he feels like a road trip. If he’s interested, he’ll make the effort.
Can’t wait to hear how you’re doing…I hear the crickets chirping around me mostly.
Thanks Dawn. So funny that the whole ‘hard to get thing’ seems to work. For you, at least. 😉 You’re right though. It’s up to him to make the effort and show that he’s interested. Funny how many years it’s taken me to understand that someone just agreeing to see you is MUCH different than someone who initiates seeing you…..
Good thing you dropped those guys. I can’t stand a guy who talks about their ex and the other guy might relapse to his old ways soon. I run you dodged the bullet with both of these men! Good luck on getting the drink next week. I look forward to reading about it!
Thanks C & C! Online is SUCH a test in patience and that is certainly NOT one of my virtues. 😉 I’ll keep everyone posted!
Maybe you should try Words with Friends – it’s the new match or Tinder really. I cannot believe how many guys have “slid into my DMs” as my two sons who are 19 and 20 call it. DM= direct message for any of reading that are not up on the current generation lingo. I actually have been talking to two of them quite regularly. Of course one is an newly clean (14 months) addict/felon who cant leave the state (his not mine) for 4 years. He is extremely funny so I tolerate his past transgressions for the pure sake that he makes me laugh ALOT. The second guy is also extremely snarky funny and I actually met him for coffee (liked him even more) but he is separated but still lives with his wife so – strike two (At least he was honest). The third guy seems ok but he kind of seems a little sketchy so I haven’t really responded to his numerous questions that require me giving out way too much personal information. Anyway, it’s a new avenue for you to maybe find some new guys – try it you might like it and it’s free and you get to see if they are savy at word games, a true indication of high intelligence (LOL)!
Great idea, T!
Interesting approach TTM. Maybe I’ll just wait and see how things work out for you and stick to playing my friends 😉 Keep me posted!
You are sooo smart to ignore your ‘inner fixer’! ALWAYS ignore that part! I’ve managed to go on 2 lunch dates and one walk the dog date so far and all have tanked on me. One was an alcoholic who’d fallen off the wagon after our lunch date. Another just simply gave me the creeps (most of our conversations were about my kids… ick). Yet another was into, shall we say, wierd kinky stuff – thankfully I won’t be meeting that one.
The walk the dog date was the best of the bunch. I don’t know if he really likes me or not. He’d sure be nice to do stuff with once in a great while.
I’m setting my sites on just getting my stuff done (namely; school, the second job, my kids – and not all in that order, mind you).
Keep blogging, my friend!
I’m rooting for you!
At least you’re out there trying Pam! Keep it up. You’re bound to find a good one!
Thanks for rooting for me. I can use all the good vibes I can get!! 😉
One advantage to WWFs is there are no profiles to pick apart – only a tiny little picture (if you’re lucky, they use a pic of themselves). It requires them to have good opening line skills and the ability to woo thru the chat box. The one guy who is separated had a cute coffee saying as his photo. It caught my interest because I LOVE coffee. I swiped right in the community match and before I knew it he was chatting it up with me in the chat box. Try it – you just never know girl!
I’m not much of a ‘chatter’ actually. I think I prefer to see profiles before communicating with someone. A good vocabulary is major bonus points though!!
Good advice you gave yourself that I’ve always followed – Let them chase you! Sorry to sound gender biased, but men like the chase. If you make it too easy, they seem to lose interest.
Too bad it took me so long to learn 😦 Hope I can stick to it!