Again. Easy to do when trying to traverse the shit storm that is online dating. I swear, I was telling a friend who lives in another state about my experiences in just the past 2 weeks and she was amazed. Said that guys in her town were nowhere near as flakey or time-wastey (yes, I know, I made that word up). I told her the 1st part of the following story so that she could Pollyanna the crap out of it and assure me that he was a man of his word. Yey!
Anyway, as I was going through my pile of printed out profiles (what? how else am I supposed to be able to keep everyone straight?) and putting notes in the margin as to likes, dislikes, key words, reasons they never made it to date #1, etc…. I came across the profile of a guy who seemed uber nice that I had chatted with, briefly online, 2 weeks ago. He had asked for my phone number and then promptly fell off the face of the earth without using it.
I had no hopes of ever hearing from him again and was okay with that. I was wondering, though, why someone would do that. Me being me, I figured I’d just ask. And not in the snarky text message kinda way I did to the stupid guy from last week. The worst that could happen is that he’d ignore me. No biggie. There was always the chance that he would respond though and give me just a tiny bit of insight into the male online dating psyche.
Here’s what I sent:
“Hi xxxxxxx. I hope you’ve been well. I am fascinated by the whole mindset behind internet dating. If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a question and it would be great if you would take the time to fill me in. Why would you ask for my phone number and then never use it? I know there are a million reasons and everyone is allowed to change their mind, but as we seemed to have some things in common, I’m just wondering is all. Thanks so much”
I didn’t expect to hear back and didn’t expect this contact to spark up any further interactions. He surprised me though by responding within about an hour with this:
” Hi GG. Good to hear from you. Thank you for the message. I felt bad about not calling you, but I had a 1st date the day that you gave me your number and I have a strict 1 person at a time when online dating rule. As of Saturday, however, I’m back looking again but wasn’t sure if you still wanted to hear from me. I’m driving home from work, but will text you later tonight”
Hmmmmm, interesting. Certainly didn’t expect that (or any) response, but I really can’t fault someone for being singular minded when online dating. It was actually a bit refreshing to hear that when faced with the rampant ‘shiny ball syndrome’ mentality of newer, better, different online daters. Maybe this guy IS a good one.
I wrote back:
“Hi xxxxx, thanks so much for responding. I admire your one gal at a time rule, so can’t really fault you for not getting in touch. I guess I’m supposed to say I’m sorry that your previous gal didn’t work out, but I’m not. 😉 Looking forward to hearing from you”
As is my ‘thing’ I 2nd guessed the line about the previous gal not working out as soon as I sent it, but assumed it would be taken in the spirit that it was meant. That if things HAD worked out with her, then I wouldn’t get a chance to get to know him more. I always forget that not everyone ‘gets’ sarcasm or that humor, when printed, doesn’t always translate well. Against all that is me, I let those thoughts go and was actually looking forward to hearing from him last night.
Which………….*drum roll please*………… I didn’t. What. The. Fuck. Maybe it WAS the line I questioned in my response. Maybe he got busy. Maybe he never had any intention of getting in contact again. Who knows. Maybe he just wanted to absolutely prove my point about why guys say things that they don’t mean. He successfully one upped everyone else. He not only asked for my number and didn’t use it, but he assured me, a 2nd time, that he WOULD use it. And then didn’t. Well played, my friend, well played.
I think I’m past getting upset when things like this happen. It’s just a part of the online dating world. Everyday niceties get thrown out the window. Is it too soon to start worrying about losing faith in all online dating men? 😉
In other news, a very inappropriately aged and uber scruffy man hit on me at Home Depot on Tuesday. Yey? I think not….