The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Facebook Reveals August 25, 2016

I always joke that I thought Facebook is the root of all evil.  Now I’m pretty certain that it IS!  Did you know that if someone who is NOT your friend sends you a message on there that it gets put in some top-secret hidden file and you never get a notification?  Neither did I.  Until last night when I happened upon it by accident.  I mean a serious accident, as today I can’t even remember how to get back to it.

Awaiting me inside this top-secret file were messages from people dating back 5 years!  WTF Facebook?! One of which, dated in 2012, was from an ex of TD.  You remember TD, right?  The man who I convinced myself was ‘my one’.  The one that convinced me that I was his ‘one’ for all of a week.  The one that lead me on for more than a year?  The one that inspired several years of self-doubt, angst, sadness, tears and more than any reader’s share of whiney, woe-is-me posts?  Yeah, that one.

So I find this message and know exactly who it’s from.  I read it.  It was lengthy and well thought out.  I believe it was written in the spirit of warning me and hoping that I wouldn’t put myself through what he put her through (when actually I put myself through years when she was smart enough to leave after 2 months).  It was detailed and full of fun facts.  Of course, by fun facts I mean really insulting and humiliating things that TD had told her (and presumably many others) about me.  How there was never anything romantic between us.  How he only kept me as a ‘friend’ because I was ‘needy’ and he felt bad telling me to go away.  How the summer he invited me to vacation for a week with his kids and he, that he really didn’t invite me, but I just sort of showed up last-minute (funny, that’s what he told me about her).  It illustrated his deceit and misogyny.  And sort of broke my heart all over again that he really did speak so disrepectfully and dishonestly about me.  Everything she told me ‘fit’.  I believe it all to be true.

I defended this man for years and made more excuses for him than anyone deserves.  It took me YEARS to get to where I am now regarding him (which still wasn’t 100% but was a shit-ton better than it was).  To read confirmation of some of my biggest fears regarding him was surreal.  To read it 4 years late was heartbreaking.  For me, my friends, you and basically anyone who had to deal with my incessant whining and descent into annoyance over the years.

Can you imagine where I’d be today if I had actually known about and read this message 4 years ago when it was written?!?!  How many years of self doubt, questioning, angst, sadness, neurosis and all around craptasticness could have been avoided?  Yeah, me either.

Fuck you Facebook.  Fuck you.

Oh, and fuck you too TD.  I hope karma kicks your ass!



11 Responses to “Facebook Reveals”

  1. Pam Says:

    I’m so sorry 😦

  2. theapeleader Says:

    Had you seen it 4 years ago you wouldn’t have believed her. You would have confronted him and he would have spun something, because he was a manipulate master.
    I’m sorry it happened , I’m sorry he hurt you, I’m sorry you hung on so long (but I so get why because I’ve been there)
    That is why I refuse to say stuff like. .. “hang in there ” or “time heals all wounds” because it’s bullshit. There is no advice for it. There are legal but ugly revenge websites but who wants to be that woman? (Ok, me. But I am an admitted horrible person)

    • Thanks TA. I do wonder how I would have reacted if I’d seen it at the time. Oddly enough, I wanted to reach out to her way back then as I had a feeling he was stringing her along as he did me and wanted to tell her to run. Odd that I could recognize his deceit towards others, but couldn’t see it for myself. Thanks for not tossing the pithy platitudes at me 😉

  3. Cheryl P Says:

    Do you know a similar thing just happened to me? I ran into an ex from 10 years ago, who told me he has been messaging me on fb and wondering why I haven’t responded. Because I never saw them! Now I’m wondering how I can find other messages that have maybe been sent over the past 10 years, that I know nothing about!

    Sorry to hear that all of this has dredged up bad memories and it’s like reliving it all over again. And yes, I’m one of those readers who remembers the whining….

    • Cheryl, you deserve an award of some sort for sticking with me! This blog took a much too lengthy turn into whining self pity. I’m done now ;-).

      No clue why FB does that with messages. At least notify us! So weird!

  4. Dan Says:

    I agree with theapeleader, you probably wouldn’t have believed it 4 years ago.

    I think we all have our “TD” I moved out of state to get away from mine.

  5. What an asshole! Facebook and TD.

  6. […] that awesome message I found on FB that had been hidden away for 4 looooong years?  The one where one of TD’s […]

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