43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

We Interrupt Our Current Programming…. December 2, 2016

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:55 pm

As it was rudely pointed out to me in a not so pleasant comment on my previous post, I’ve been writing this blog for several, okay many, years.  I have chosen to not update the name of my blog and that’s why I sit here, on a Friday night, typing a defensive post at the ripe old age of 49 under a blog entitled ’43 and Single’ ……

As I write this blog anonymously (or I hope I do), none of you really knows me.  You do know what I choose to share with you.  You also probably know (if you’ve been paying attention), that I usually add a dash of snark to my posts.  Is that how I am in real life or do I do it as ‘entertainment factor’?  I guess you wouldn’t know, would you?

To be told, however, that I need to “lower my expectations” and that since I’m no terrific package (paraphrased from the same shitty comment I got) that I am not going to get a “Brad Pitt” makes me wonder.  Do I so misrepresent myself on here to make it seem as though I am expecting the moon and the stars?  I assure you, I’m not.

I do find it sad that a stranger has told me that I need to lower my standards.  Actually I find it sad and funny.  I’m not a ‘list maker’.  I don’t have an ‘agenda’.  I don’t have exceedingly high visions of who my ‘one’ will be.  As a matter of fact, I don’t have a vision at all.  Not superficially, that is.  My taste in men spans an enormous range.  Tall, short (well, not TOO short), fat, skinny (oh wait, skinny is out), hair color, eye color, car they drive, etc…… None of that means a damn thing to me.

What DOES matter is kindness.  Honesty.  Shared interests.  Ability to have an intelligent conversation.  Ability to laugh together.  An ability to see a future together.  There’s no way that I would ‘lower’ my desires on these and I don’t think I should have to.  I don’t quite get the whole ‘lower your standards’ comment.  Sure, so I can have a mediocre future with someone who is probably as ‘meh’ about me as I am about them?  I would never do that to someone.

I do find it odd that this comment came after a recap of date #2 with 007.  Prior to that, I wrote about Repo Man (who I never met), Tilted Kilt (who was a bit of a moron and ended up choosing to unmatch me when I had to postpone our meeting and also had to explain why I didn’t want to go to an establishment where the women wear the tiniest uniforms ever).  There were the two men who were so NOT spectacular that we never even discussed meeting.  Before these posts I hadn’t written for a while.  A long while.  I hadn’t been dating.  No dating = no dating blog posts.  Who should I be living happily ever after with?

Just to put it out into the universe, and because apparently this comment completely insulted me, let me set the record straight.  I am 49 years old.  I have made good dating decisions in the past.  I have made bad dating decisions in the past.  I’ve even made HORRIBLE dating decisions in the past.  I’ve also put up with a lot.  I’ve learned from each of my past experiences and am constantly evolving (or at least trying to).  Since this same comment seemed to jab at my physical appearance  (thanks so much) as well as the supposed appearance that they believe I am expecting from my ‘one’ and the fact that I’m no great prize, let me set the record straight.  I am.  I am attractive, successful, have terrific friends, am kind, philanthropic and will always go out of my way to help someone.  I may not seem like it on here, but I’ve kinda got my shit together and have a lot to offer.  What I ‘expect’ in return is far less that what I bring to the table.

There is a entire contingent of ‘ones’ that I don’t write about on here.  These are the men that I’ve met, either via online or in person, that for whatever reason did not ‘match’ with that I am still friends with.  The ones that call and message and seek advice and insight from me because I’m ‘so cool’.  Ha.  These guys are my favorite.  And I don’t write about them because they are still in my life.

In case any of you are scratching your head and wondering what on earth I’m blathering on about, I have copied the comment below. I get to do that.  I realize that I have opened myself up to comments and opinions such as these by choosing to share aspects of my dating life, so my apologies if I am taking the comment wrong or getting worked up over nothing.  As I told the reader, everyone is absolutely entitled to their opinions and my bad if I’ve given the impression that I am anything like what this person seems to think I am, but there is a way to communicate with people.  Writing ‘not to be mean’ followed by a completely mean post, does not absolve you of being mean.

Not to be mean, but I’ve been reading your blog for years and it’s titled “43 and Single” but you’re almost 50 at this point and still no cigar. Maybe it’s time to stop being so picky and lower your expectations a bit. At your age, and admittedly being slightly chubby, even if still cute, youre not gonna score a Brad Pitt. I feel like you are more selective than what you yourself are offering, and have kind of always been, and that’s why you’ve gotten nowhere.

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12 Responses to “We Interrupt Our Current Programming….”

  1. A reader in Canada Says:

    Hi
    I have never commented on a blog post before, but I felt compelled to comment on this one. I too have been reading your blog for years, but unlike your previous commenter, many times I have felt like your silent kindred spirit. Although I haven’t been internet dating in a while, so many of your stories hit home for me – dates that seem to go well, but you never hear from the person again, dates that say “I started dating another person and I feel like I have to give her a chance”, dates that can’t even carry on a conversation, dates that turn up looking nothing like their picture (or worse, dates that don’t turn up at all!). And I too have been told I should “lower my standards”. But I agree with your response 100%. I don’t think having an expectation of things like kindness, common interests and a mutual attraction are standards that are “too high” and I think it is more often the men who are looking for the perfect physical appearance (whatever the female equivalent of Brad Pitt would be, except of course 20 years younger….). I am approaching my own 50th birthday next week, and while I would certainly rather have a partner in my life, I would rather be alone with all the great things that I do have than be in an unhealthy relationship. Keep your standards high, and keep writing – it is good to know there are other people out there going through the same things!

    • Thank you SO MUCH for your kind comment! And for reading and ‘getting’ it. 😉 It means a lot. We’ll both find our ‘ones’ but until then, we will enjoy what we have. Happy early birthday!!!

  2. Jen Says:

    Brad Pitt is getting a divorce (a messy divorce). From his second wife. Keep your standards right where they are. You deserve to find the “right one”! How sad for those people who marry someone they really shouldn’t be marrying, who isn’t “right?” Small wonder the divorce rate is as high as it is. I’m excited for you and this latest guy who sounds great. Have fun!

    • Hi Jen! Yes, I sort of pictured a round shouldered couple sitting on a couch together just staring at the television. A couple with absolutely no joy in their lives when I read the comment. I certainly don’t want that for my future. Thanks for being excited about my latest (and hopefully last) experience in the awesome *gag* world of online dating! 😉

  3. Hi GG! Long time , no comment. People are always going to have opinions. I’ve followed your blog probably for just about as far back when you began it. Now, I read your posts in my email notifications. I normally don’t comment anymore. I’m glad you called that person out on their meanness, because let’s face it, it was mean spirited. Don’t lower your expectations or your standards for anyone. Only you control your happiness as you well know. Through the years of reading your posts, I’ve had many a cringed moments when I saw TD taking advantage of and manipulating you. At times I tried to tell you, and other times I knew that you would hopefully see through his bullshit and put a stop to it. We’ve all been there. I wish you all the best!

    • I’ve missed you! Thanks for taking the time to comment and for your insight. Yes, quite humiliating to FINALLY be able to look back on the whole TD shit show and recognize all that was wrong with the situation. You and many others tried to warn me, but I just didn’t want to listen. I sure wish I would have, but hindsight is so different from being in the moment. Gah. Thanks for your support and for sticking with me! I hope all is well in your world!!

  4. Keep writing, keep your standards where they are and don’t sweat the haters. I love your blog – we are all on the same journey. Oh and BTW, I’m past 50 even though my tag says otherwise. It’s only a number….

    • Thanks Maggie. We are on the same journey (race you to the finish) ;-). It always throws me off when people are intentionally mean but I have no intention of ever settling. I’d rather stay alone than be in a ‘meh’ relationship…

  5. Jen Says:

    I don’t believe I have ever commented before and I have been reading for quite sometime as well. I am not single, married almost 22 years and I honestly don’t even know how I stumbled upon your blog but I enjoy your writing style and you do indeed seem to be a very cool person. I whole heartedly agree with the other commenters that you should go after what you want and not settle. That’s crazy talk! The individual that posted on your last entry was being a “mean girl” and should be ignored. I am glad that you have a rich and fulfilling life and hope that Mr. Right is just around the corner. Happy Holidays!

    • Hi Jen! Thank you for taking the time to comment. To be honest, I don’t know how anyone stumbled upon my little blog but it’s sort of amazing to me that I have people that have been following it for years. It truly makes me smile. I started blogging just as a way to journal my online dating experiences. I had no idea that I would still be at it so many years later (or that anyone would read it). Thank you, as well for your kind words. I’ve worked hard to build the life I have and I too hope that Mr Right is just around the corner!! Happy Holidays to you!!

  6. Cheryl Says:

    Well, I must confess that I’m jealous that you are still in your 40’s. Oh, to go back and look like I did then! I’m now 55 and am still dating, hoping to meet the right one. I’m divorced with 3 adult children and marriage scares the heck out of me but I would like to have someone special to share my life with. My motto in 6 words (an Oprah challenge once) is “She gets back up every time.”

    If we lived near one another, I’m quite certain we’d be besties. Any interest in moving to the Boston area?

    • Hmmmm, tempting, but no. Not a huge fan of the cold, but yes, I’m sure we’d get along great! Never give up Cheryl. No one looks like they used to (without extensive surgical intervention, that is). The ‘one’ that is out there for both of us will not only forgive whatever imperfections we have, but LOVE them! Funny, I used to think that marriage was something that I didn’t want/need and that just being with someone great would be enough. I DO want to married though….. go figure 🙂


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