43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Patience Is Someone Else’s Virtue February 17, 2017

Patience is certainly NOT one of my virtues.  I’m all about instant gratification! That doesn’t mean I don’t work damn hard for the things I want, but it does mean that I have a hard time convincing myself that not everything moves along at the pace that I want it to.  Dating, in particular.  If I like someone, I expect for them to like me back (HA, we all know how well that has worked out for me in the past).  I expect them to keep in touch.  I expect, if there was a good date, that I will hear from them within the ‘3 day rule’.  I can’t stand ‘rules’.  I follow none of them.  I like to create my own.  Again, not to the most successful results.

I KNOW that not everyone thinks alike.  My god, can you imagine what a shit-show the world would be if we did?  Well, more so than it already is.  I KNOW that there are no rules.  I KNOW that people move at their own pace.  What I don’t know is why, why, why my mind always runs to the negative if I don’t hear from someone according to my timeline.  It’s so ridiculous and counter productive.  I truly believe in the pithy ‘put out into the universe what you want back’ and that ‘positivity begets positivity’.  My mind still wanders to the negative.  And not negative about the other person, mind you.  Negative about myself.  Along the lines of ‘what did I do wrong’, ‘why doesn’t he like me’ or any multitude of other self-destructive thoughts.

I’ve always been this way.  I wish I knew where it stemmed from.  I guess I’ll just blame my mother. 😉 And all the schmucks I went to high school with. Dumb fuckers

Anywhoo, I had that great date.  4 days ago.  And hadn’t heard from him since.  Of course I have annoyingly inevitably replayed the date in my mind a few hundred times trying to figure out what I did wrong.  Trying to figure out why he would walk me to my car and give me a kiss if he wasn’t interested.  Why he wouldn’t lock down another date right then and there.  I know full well that this is MY bullshit and not his.  He’s a good guy.  If he doesn’t like me, then it’s his loss (if I say it enough, I will believe it right).  That I WILL hear from him (if I say it enough, it will happen, right?).

After annoying myself trying to figure out what I did wrong and finally coming to the realization (kind of) that I did nothing wrong, that I was just being me and that if he doesn’t appreciate me with all my faults and ridiculousness, someone else will.  Who probably lives in another state, mind you, but whatever.  I swear it’s exhausting being me with my over thinking nature.

And then I get a text………..

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