Wow, it’s certainly been a while since I did one of these. As I was bored this evening and wanted to remember what it was like to actually have fun on dates, I read back through all my previous years’ Cliff’s Notes. I have had some fun dates. I have had some funny dates. I have had some shitty dates. I have been ghosted more times than not. I wasted several years waiting for someone who had NO interest in me to suddenly decide I was the one. I’m a peach. I want to get back to dating for fun and not like I’m on a mission. I think I’m doing a fairly good job of it so far (but then again, it is only January 29th and I’ve already had one MAJOR fuck up). As I’m seriously out of practice thanks to taking most of the past few years off from dating (and bike riding – boo), it’s time for me to get back on that bike dammit! Below is a run down of each and every date that has taken place this year. While not every man will warrant a blog post, they will all be listed here. You’re welcome. And just for that extra layer of ‘so you think your dating life is bad, look at this’, I will keep a running scorecard.
NYE Date: Cute, tall and has a great career. Loves to travel, has a killer sense of humor and although claiming otherwise, likes to talk about himself. Got drunk on our 1st date (me, not him) and can’t remember much of what was said. Saw him a 2nd time, and by ‘saw him’ I mean, rode his bike. Poorly. Damn I’m out of practice on more things than just dating. As I liked him, I proceeded to fuck things up in record time. Great start to the new year. Boo me.
Mr. Coffee: While we were texting I mentioned that I prefered to meet for a cocktail over coffee as coffee dates seemed very interview-y. He proceeded to invite me to coffee. Whatever. He was darling. Funny and cute and apparently very negative. I heard all about his ex wife, his ungrateful kids and his sciatica. I shit you not. Although he complained a lot, he was funny, cute and seemed to have his shit together. I haven’t heard from him again. And should probably thank him…
Mr Happy: He was seriously one of the most jovial people I’ve ever met. Upbeat, funny, positive and infectious. Of course I wasn’t attracted to him, but totally loved his energy. Aside from the fact that he kind of slugged me on the arm every time he got excited, it was a fun date. We decided to be friends. Or so I thought….
The Canadian: Weirdly gung ho about America. Didn’t really want to go out with him, but my friend made me. Yes, I’m just that impressionable. As I prefer clean cut, he was of course, NOT. Nothing much in common. As I had no interest in him, he of course asked me out again. I declined. Funny side note; he took me to the same bar that NYE date took me to that has notoriously strong drinks. I was smarter this time and ordered a tall and just sipped it instead of drinking like I had just walked across the Sahara. Win for me!
Seargent: Met at a dive bar during the day (what is it with guys out here)? Kind of off putting at 1st. Told me about all his bad dates who only wanted him for his money and then proceeded to list off every single thing that he owned. Uhm, word to the wise, if you don’t want people to use your for your money, don’t ‘lead’ with it. We had a nice time and he walked me to my car. He got a hug instead of a kiss. He asked me to get together again so, of course, I haven’t heard from him.
The Stare-er: Honestly one of the most uncomfortable dates ever. He stared at me the whole time, grilled me like I was on a corporate interview and was exceptionally antsy. It was just weird.
Coach: Nice guy, all about his kids. Overly sarcastic. Has absolutely no time to date. Met for coffee. The end.
The Ginger: He travels for business and was just here for a couple days. Met and had an awesome time. He probably deserves a blog post. Hopefully we stay friends….
Mr. Nice Guy: Brought me chocolates when he arrived. Too bad I’m keto, but loved the gesture. Nicest man ever. Good job, has a ‘plan’, was interesting to talk to and I had absolutely not one desire to kiss him. No chemistry. At all.
Mr. Tinder: I know nothing about him aside from his name (or at least the one he put on Tinder). He asked to meet, I said yes. What the hell have I done?!?!
Mr. Vacation: Met off of Plenty of Fish for drinks (what else?), looked like his pics (what?!) had a good time. He asked to see me again at the end of the date and then proceeded to go on a 2 week vacation. We’ll see…..
Mr. Baby: Messaged with him over the summer and wasn’t impressed so never met. He messaged me again and told me I was pretty, so I as he caught me on a shit day, agreed to go out with him. He ended up cancelling and blocking me. Thank G-D!
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As of 2/4/18: 8 1st dates / 1 2nd date (can I really call it a date if I just went to his house and slept with him?)/ 0 3rd dates / 1 bike ride (a painfully bumpy ride, but a ride nonetheless)
The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater 