The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Why, Oh Why ….. January 26, 2018

Filed under: bumble,dating,I suck,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:38 am

So I am trying to figure out what to send to NYE date to get him to respond.  Mind you, he had always responded in the past, just sometimes with one word answers and had stopped initiating contact on his own.  But he always responded.  My mind went to shitty anyway and I hate myself for it.  I wrote down multiple message that I could potentially send that would have him let me see him.  Yes, I am just that insane.  Yes, we saw each other exactly twice.  Yes, we slept together.  I kinda felt that I deserved better than the ‘slow fade out’ and wanted an answer.  Kind of like an exit interview.  With a bit of self loathing thrown in for good measure.

Out of all the sample messages I wrote; some pathetic, some funny, some needy, for some ridiculous reason I opted for a somewhat curt and shitty sounding one that said I needed to talk to him.  That I would make it quick, but it needed to happen.  I told him (yes, told, didn’t ask – I hate myself) to let me know when he was available.  He responded right away and said I could come over the next day.  In hindsight, the way my message was worded, he probably thought I was going to tell him I gave him some sort of disease.

I went over there and was all ready to just blurt out what I wanted to say and ask what happened when that shitty thing that my mind and memory does when I get nervous kicked in.  I forgot everything I wanted to say and ask and kinda stood there like an idiot.  I may have even called myself an idiot.  Nice work, Grey.  I stuttered through part of what I wanted to say when he stops me and tells me that he is making some changes, that it was ‘bad timing’ (I HATE that and truly believe that unless you’re about to be incarcerated or be deported, that there is no such thing as ‘bad timing’ if you like someone) and that he was re-evaluating everything.  He then told me all that he was going to switch up.  That is was nothing I did, it was him. (2nd most hated excuse beside ‘bad timing’ is the ever shitty ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ for which there is NO recourse). For whatever reason, my ridiculous empathy kicked in and somehow the conversation changed to me trying to make him feel better.  What. The. Fuck.

Oh wait, it actually gets worse.  Much worse.  He talks about himself for a bit and all the changes he is trying to make regarding relationships, going to the gym, eating habits, blah, blah, blah and I say ………. wait for it ……….. so, all that being said, could we maybe try this again?  Yes, I know.  Crickets ……..

What. The. Fuck. Grey.  Soooo many tried and true methods of shooting myself in the foot at play ………. *sigh*

 

7 Responses to “Why, Oh Why …..”

  1. Oh God, I have totally been there. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Honestly, all that crap is coming up with is just a huge smokescreen of the fact that “He’ Just Not Into You” I KNOW I don’t have to tell you about that little gem of wisdom that was granted to us a few years ago. Just suck it up honey, and grab your dignity and head the other way. You can’t MAKE someone want to be with you. I know you know that already, but maybe it would be good to hear it again from someone else. It’s okay really, you tried your best! ❤

    • Thank you for the reminder. But darn it! Where were you to tell me NOT to go over and sleep with him. 😉 Yup, I totally ‘get’ that he just wasn’t into me. Just pissed at myself for ignoring that and NOT being my best….gah! I need to re-discover my inner cool girl.

  2. Girl!!!!!! I want to go over and shake some sense into you. You deserve so much more!!

  3. Ah don’t worry about it! We all have moments of insanity!
    Dust yourself off and find someone who is worth the crazy!

  4. Sherri Says:

    He introduced you to Netflix and chill. Introduce him to hit it and quit it! What a major douche canoe! Him not you.

    • Haha. Thank you Sherri. Pretty much. Just took me a 3 week long minute to realize that the only thing I did wrong in this situation was to trust that he liked me. I should know better by now…


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