What Not To Do….

So I moved to a new town. Old me, old set of bullshit, new town, new plan. I always have a plan. And usually a plan B. And they usually come to fruition. Well, in all things aside from my dating life. We all know what a shit-show that is.  I’m an entrepreneur at heart. I’m creative and organized and know how to get shit done. Part of my plan for this move was to get a ‘job’. Just something to keep me busy, earn a bit of money and meet people. Uhm, that has NOT happened, and it’s totally fucking with my confidence.  Some of the dumbest shit ever has come out of my mouth during these interviews.  If it wasn’t so cringe worthy, it would be funny.

Like the interview with the prison. No, seriously. What a cool way to meet people! No, not the inmates, but guards, employees, detectives, policemen, attorneys, whoever. I interviewed with the warden, someone from HR and one of the head guards.  I pretty much nailed my interview.  Emphasized my organizational skills, likeability, team playeredness (I know that’s not actually a word) and enthusiasm for the job.  Then I threw in how I’m able to ‘think outside the box’ to get things done. Uhm, hello? It’s a fucking prison! They don’t want to hear how creative I can be. They want to hear that I follow rules and never deviate from the plan. Duh.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, as the warden was walking me out I said (you better sit down for this one) “I look forward to hearing back from you regarding the position.” But wait, that’s not all. Then I threw in, god knows why, “I’m excited about the opportunity; I don’t have family here, so I’m always available”. What. The. Fuck. ?!?!? Why on earth would I say that? The poor warden probably thought I was hitting on him. Needless to say, I did not get a call back for the the 2nd round of interviews.

That interview was in follow up to the airline interview. Hello? Flight benefits anyone? I was absolutely convinced I would get this job. As we’ve all learned by now, overly confident never ends well for me. I was nervous, nerdy, awkward and pretty much stuttered my way through the most embarrassing interview of my life. The best part (and by ‘best’, I of course mean completely mortifying) was when I was asked about a company that I had brand loyalty to and why.  Ready for this one? Like the complete and utter moron that I was that day, I used one of their competitors for my example!! Seriously?! Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.

So here I sit, with way too much time on my hands, deciding what I can fuck up next. As it obviously won’t be a job, I can only assume that it will be the date that I have set up for tonight…..

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