The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

I Need A Tutor March 16, 2018

So with the next 2 weeks off from online dating, I find myself with a lot of time on my hands to think about, er. online dating. What I do right, what I do wrong. What I’m good at, what I could improve upon. How I go about messaging potential dates that contact me (and yes, of course, I sometimes contact 1st – gotta help make your own magic, right?).

I am looking for a relationship. Plain and simple. I refuse to settle however. These 2 things are sort of in direct contrast to one another because as I would like to find a relationship, I wouldn’t be completely opposed to ‘dating’ (and by dating, I totally mean sleeping with) someone that wasn’t long term appropriate. How do I go about finding one without alienating the other? My profiles state that I’m looking for a relationship. That I’m not a one night stand kinda gal. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t enjoy a playmate or 2 (who am I?). I just want to make out with someone for shit’s sake!

I finally got some of my mojo back this year. It had been 4 LONG years since I last slept with anyone. Or, truth be told, even made out with someone. Yes, TD did that big of a number on me. And I wasn’t really looking. But when I was, no one I liked was interested anyway. Boo.

I’m self conscious and neurotic and a bit on the needy side when I like a guy. I also know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am an awesome date with a great sense of humor, a shit ton of smarts (in all things aside men) and not horribly offensive to look at. I also know that I’m a complete nerd and never know how to act after a date. If I don’t like the guy, who the hell cares, but if I do, well then damn. Let the shit show begin.

Anywhoo, I follow a lot of online dating bloggers. I have found exactly 2 virtual dating doppelgangers on here. The 1st to share the same brain as me was an awesome gal who was every bit as funny and snarky and cynical when it came to online dating. She started dating someone right around the same time that I met TD. She is still with her someone and hasn’t blogged in years. We all know where I am.

My 2nd online idol/doppelganger/brain sharer I have followed for years and we’ve kind of had way too many past/present life (and thoughts) experiences. She, like myself, gave up online dating and/or blogging for a while. She’s back. In every sense of the word. And she is KILLING IT! Someone with long term potential and TWO ‘playmates’. In only 9 online dates. NINE! I’ve had 15 and only managed to find one I was even remotely (okay, more than remotely) interested in.

I do believe the universe brings you what you put out there. I DO believe that my one is out there. I DO know there are good guys online. I DO believe I’m a pretty amazing catch (kinda). I’m wondering if I’m doing something wrong. Or approaching something wrong.

I know I waste way too much time messaging men that I probably will never meet. I have gone thru phases of responding to everyone who wrote, meeting everyone who asked, and being open to every possibility. I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t ‘missing’ something about someone or judging too soon. I was waiting for just one of them to surprise me with something that I hadn’t picked up on online. None did. I also feel kinda bad ignoring messages from completely nice guys that I just don’t find attractive.

Here’s the kicker. While I whine and moan that I can’t meet anyone to date, I have met many (okay, several) that would like to date me, but that I wasn’t attracted to, or didn’t have a spark with, or they were 5’7″ (back off, I’m 5’10”, not gonna happen). I’ve also met many men in the past that I’ve wanted to date but they haven’t wanted to date me. Boo them. I need to find the perfect storm of being a funny and flirty date while on a date with a funny and flirty man. While my tutor sits on my shoulder and instructs me what to do so I don’t fuck it all up…..

Any applicants? No, okay, then please feel free to offer me your best piece of dating advice!

* edited to add: I do follow dating coaches (the cute ones) and while I think they’re great for some, I firmly believe that I should be able to figure my own shit out. I’m not a therapy or coaching kinda gal (see how well this has worked out for me?) 😉 💖

 

9 Responses to “I Need A Tutor”

  1. awkward brown guy Says:

    “Dating coaches” are actually a thing, these days!

    • I know 🙂 I’m a big fan of some of their UTube videos. While I’d like to think (hope) that I’m not to that point yet, it has crossed my mind …..

      • awkward brown guy Says:

        I don’t think there’s any shame in that, at all! Something I wouldn’t rule out myself! I actually have a friend who was doing that for a while.

        • Absolutely no shame in it.
          Here’s my question though: is that friend whobwas usimg a dating coach in a relationship?

          • awkward brown guy Says:

            So, she was actually a “life coach” who was working with different people; she found that she attracted/resonated most with other girls/women where “love” was a sticking point. Interestingly, through this journey, she discovered she was also in a relationship that she no longer wanted to be in!

  2. I second dating coaches! I never went through a program, but I follow a few and their blogs can be very helpful. A few of my favorites were Evan Marc Katz, Alexis Meads, and Bryan Reeves. They all have a slightly different focus, which is why you gotta kinda shop around for one you like (I avoid ones like ‘Get your man back!’ clearly gimmicky). But mostly what I got out of it is working on yourself, being internally happy, and then you can be unapologetically yourself so you don’t act so jittery around guys you actually like (that was me too).

    I hope to post more dating tip related things in the future as well 🙂

    • Thanks for the input! I know it’s all me (well, mostly me). I do wonder, though, why there are so very few men that I’m attracted to. I don’t think I’m picky, but chemistry is so elusive for me!

      • High standards aren’t necessarily pickiness (Although they could be! Some of those blog posts deal with wants vs needs list in a partner). I’m under the impression that there is just a bunch of low-quality guys out there. 😛


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