The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Mr. Out Of Towner March 24, 2018

As part of my Albertson’s parking lot messaging marathon the other day on Plenty of Fish, I have a tentative date to the world’s shittiest bar in town to watch a guy sing Karaoke (has it really come to this people?), a tentative coffee date with someone I’m not exceptionally thrilled about meeting and then……….Mr. Out of Towner.

Here’s a tip ladies (and gents) when you’re not feeling the whole ‘search’ feature on your respective dating site. Look at the page that lists the profiles thay have checked you out. I did that and low and behold there was a hottie. I mean like a GOOD LOOKING MAN. Call me superficial, but DAMN. I read his profile and found something to message about, so I did. You have absolutely nothing to lose by messaging someone who looked at your profile and opted out of writing. You never know, right? Unfortunately, Mr. Hottie lives 2+ hours away. Boo me. Oh well, he’ll probably never write back anyway. Just for good measure, I screen-shotted his pic and promptly sent it off to my online dating blogger bestie with the message “Why the hell don’t guys in my town look like this?”

Mr. Hottie messaged back. And we proceeded to text message pretty consistently throughout the day. As we don’t exactly live close, we decided we would be each other’s virtual wingman and be friends. Eh, I could do worse than making an online buddy, right? We swapped phone numbers and ended up talking for close to 4 hours on the phone on Thursday. He’s quirky and funny, smart as hell, more than a bit ‘hippie’ and has some definite differences in viewpoint. Who cares? We’re just pals, right?

Then comes Friday and a few more calls. The last being 7 HOURS long. And 7 hours with no awkward silences. 7 hours of learning pretty much everything about him. 7 hours of him picking up on things with me that I thought I kept very well hidden. He kind of ‘gets me’. I kind of get him. Our conversation took on a different tone in these calls and the ‘virtual wingman’ seems to have morphed into a ‘definite maybe’. I have always had a ‘vision’ of what my ‘one’ would look like. Not in a physical sense, but in a characteristic type of sense. I always assumed ‘he’ would be some sort of a businessman; smart, funny, logical with a touch of whimsy. Mr. Hottie is pretty much none of these aside from being smart and funny. He works blue collar 2 weeks a months and takes the other 2 weeks off. He believes in aliens (what?!?!). He believes in a ‘creator’ (I do not). He *gasp* supports Trump. He is a total believe in Crypto-currency. His taste in music kinda sucks. His preferences in movies is even worse. He vapes (I HATE that). He smokes weed a couple times a week (I hate that even more). He doesn’t drink. NONE of these things ‘match’ me.

He likes me. He thinks I’m beautiful. He loves my smile and the ‘brightness’ in my eyes when I smile. He speaks in terms of ‘us’ and ‘the future’. He has mentioned several times about joining in on family vacations (his kids are older). He has assumed that ‘this’ is something. My inner romantic is completely at war with my inner realist. I KNOW that ‘this’ is potentially nothing. We haven’t even met yet. I know that ‘this’ could potentially be something. Something good. I also know that he has some definite red flags. He’s been married 3 times. He is just 4 moths out of his last (5 year relationship). He might be co-dependent. He has addiction issues. All of these things pose concerns for me. Serious ones. Although we have VERY differing viewpoints on some things, on others, it’s as if we share a brain.

We haven’t even met yet. Getting to know someone before we’ve met and I can gauge chemistry is against everything I believe as an online dater. I spoke to him about all of my concerns with ‘this’. And about him seemingly already inserting me into future plans. It’s all too fast. It all seems a bit too convenient. I told him that we should just be friends for a while. That he needs to figure out what it is, exactly, that he wants. I told him that I have absolutely no desire to me ‘Miss Right Now’. That I don’t want either of us to have regrets. I truly feel that, although he genuinely likes me and thinks I’m pretty awesome (duh), that I might be the one with good timing. That he misses talking to someone and having someone to share things with and that I’m convenient and fill that void. I’m just about the world’s best listener. I am kind and supportive while also not hesitating to call someone out on their shit. I ask questions. I am truly fascinated by people. He kind of fascinates me. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He makes me scratch my head.

Although I told him not to, he removed his profile from Plenty of Fish. I did not. He will not be dating. I will. He asked, without really asking, if I would be willing to not date while he figures his shit out. I told him no. That I will never again be anyone’s Plan B. He completely understands. He’s truly a nice man and understands. Could this be something? Who knows. We should probably meet sooner than later and even see if the chemistry is there. I’m pretty sure it would be, but who knows……. Do I dare be hopeful? Hell yes I should! But I also won’t get carried away with things either. This is online dating, right?

 

12 Responses to “Mr. Out Of Towner”

  1. Wow, he moves fast!
    I don’t know how to feel about it. I personally would be freaking, but I freak about everything so that’s not exactly news!

  2. kkatch22 Says:

    Okay, you know me, always something to say, right? 1) Long distance- it definitely can work, my guy is across an ocean! 2) Getting to know someone before any physical stuff muddies the water isn’t a bad thing. If the conversations keep going and going there’s hope. 3) The multiple marriages aren’t as concerning as the recent end of a long relationship and I gather you feel the same, so kudos to you for keeping it real and not being a plan B! 4) Smoking, vaping, bad taste in music….think long and hard AFTER meeting if it is something you can handle, something you can tolerate until …you can’t, or something you can learn to live with. As we all know….a leopard doesn’t change it’s spots. Luv ya!!! Can’t wait to see what happens next!

    • Awesome comments! I so appreciate your thoughtful input. Yes, I would definitely have to think long and hard about all you mentioned in #4. As we haven’t met, I’m kind of taking it all in stride right now….

  3. Duh, sorry, thought this comment was for a different post. I will be careful….

  4. This is SCREAMING controlling narcissist. As someone who’s believed every line ever fed them, it’s like listening to a movie of my life!! Please be wary.

  5. meccasanwick Says:

    Catching up from way behind…so I have no idea how things have progressed (or not)…yet.

    Did want to at least say that when I was online dating I had noticed Becca’s profile but never reached out because I thought she was too attractive to be interested in me. Then a few days later I noticed she looked at my profile. Since she looked, I wrote her…and now we’re married.

    So, anything can happen.

    • Lots to read up on, my friend πŸ™‚ There are some password protected posts (martini) in there. And you may want to stop being my friend after reading some of them πŸ™„


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s