The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Oh Good, Here It Comes… April 19, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:15 am

*** this post was written yesterday morning before any of the amazing comments from my last post even existed***

You know, that awesome stage after I get dumped where I beat myself up over what I could have done differently to have prevented Monday’s D Day (thank you karma; you truly are a bitch) from happening? The stage when I bore you and all my friends ad nauseam about things? Yes, that one!

Here’s the thing. Although the 1st thing I’ve done upon waking the past 3 mornings is cry and it’s been a REALLY rough couple of days, I’m not sure I could have done anything to prevent this. I think I knew from the beginning that this would end sooner than later. Don’t misunderstand and think I wanted it to, I didn’t. I think I always somehow knew that Mr. OoT would back out and actually think I helped facilitate it with all my indecision. I had been hopeful that that window had passed with all his flattering talk about future trips and explorations as well as sexy talk about our upcoming weekend together (er, you all realize that we haven’t even slept together, yes?). Apparently I liked this one, and not in a crazy overly-obsessive way either. I truly thought, and looked forward to, us having a lot of fun together. I truly did see myself falling for him. Let’s be honest here, I had already started to.

I think only speaking by phone, not in person, for all but 1.5 days did not serve us well. I think his leaving town for work just a week after meeting was a death sentence. Or maybe just postponed the inevitable. He has BIG misperceptions about me. BIG. No clue where he garnered his information from, but some of it is way off base. Did he make it up? Did I say it? Did he take one of my sarcastic comments as reality? Does it even matter?

It’s sad and shitty and it sucks. A lot. I’m amazed the entire evolution of our short lived relationship was via phone (granted, hundreds of hours of phone calls, but still). I’m kind of astounded that he doesn’t even want to see me in person before making this decision. To even see how we do in person. This is just so weird and goes against all logic.

We had plans to see each other next weekend when he returned from work. My dog and I were going to spend the weekend with he and his son. It was all planned. I would drive up there next Friday. We’d have a few hours alone before he needed to pick up his son. Dinner with his brother. Drinks & pool with his friends. Roller coasters on Sunday. It was going to be fun and I was very much looking forward to it and getting to spend some ‘in person’ time together. I asked him if he could at least hold off on his decision until after we see each other. He said no, that it would just postpone the inevitable. Boo.

I still want to go (oh stop yelling at your phones). What I am unsure of is if I want to go just so I can get some closure in talking face to face and seeing if I even want to try the friend thing or the much more Grey patented shitshow move of trying to change his mind (I warned you). I may not stay the weekend, but I do feel we at least owe it to ourselves to talk face to face. Who knows.

I mentioned still coming and somewhat surprisingly he said I still could, but that he didn’t think I’d want to. I asked him if I decided to come, if he would promise not to cancel on me last minute. He said he couldn’t make that promise. Honest Fucker. I asked him to quantify the chances of him cancelling on me. He approximated between 25-33%. Super. No clue what I’ll decide to do. Pretty sure I’ll ask if I can come up next Friday as planned to talk. Then IF we both decide I should stay (as a friend or otherwise), I would. As stupid as it sounds, we’ve never been together for more than a day. I kind of want to find out if we even vibe in person (who am I kidding? We have fucking KILLER chemistry). Kinda hope we don’t get along so I can just let go and walk away. Then again…….

We’ve been texting and talking a bit over the past couple of days and although he is always responsive and engaged, it’s ME initiating. So amazingly awesome for my ego. *insert eye-roll here* We don’t talk about anything having to do with ‘us’ as I kind of feel like a whiny loser when I do that. In my head, while we talk at night, I worry that he is busy clicking away and messaging on Plenty of Fish. Cool. Love how my brain works. No clue if he’s actually even back online, but kinda feel like he already might be. I probably need to mention to him about not scheduling any dates (real or imaginary) for next Friday when he gets home though ……..

***FYI; just spoke with my bff and from what she knows and what I’ve told her, she thinks he DOES like me. That he IS into me. That I probably scare him because I have my shit together and am unlike the uneducated crazies that he’s used to. Huh, kinda feel this should make me feel better. It doesn’t 😦


14 Responses to “Oh Good, Here It Comes…”

  1. If you can go – GO!! If nothing else you’ll get closure.

    • Thank you! That’s what I’m hoping for. I’m not going to try to change his mind about us, that would just be kind of pathetic on my part, but I DO want to at least see him in person. Maybe it will confirm that he is right about us. Maybe it will give me a chance to gauge things in reality instead of just in my head. Maybe it will just give me the closure I need. Maybe it will just be a fun weekend away. Who knows. Regardless, it will help me close the loop…..

  2. This guy sounds like a dick and totally unworthy of your super fabulous time. Take the money you were going to spend on the weekend and get a massage, a bottle of wine, and treat yo’ self. You are wonderful and amazing. You deserve better than a 25-33% cancel rate. You deserve a 100% NOT cancel rate.

    And honestly…who even uses 33% as a measurement of anything (insert eye roll here). You are a magical, amazing, talented, human being!!!!


  3. Pam Says:

    Agreeing with your BFF

    You intimidate him.
    Therefore you’d hate a real live relationship with him over time, because you’d have to sacrifice too much of you to make it work.

  4. kkatch22 Says:

    I personally think you are punishing yourself to spend the time and money to go spend time with this guy who gives you a range of percentages that he will cancel. Sure you may go and have some intimate time together but if he’s giving you signals that it’s not gonna work….it’s not gonna work. Why oh why do you want to try to talk someone into wanting you??? You want someone who thinks the sun and moon shine for you!! Give yourself the respect you deserve and demand the same from your suiters. Please don’t try to convince someone that they should want you!!!

    • I’m totally NOT trying to get him to change his mind about us. I do have some questions I want answered though. I am truly hoping that if I go, that I have our compatibility and such blown way out of proportion. It’s been 3 weeks since we’ve seen each other, so maybe we’ll NOT even get along. I doubt this the case, but one can hope 😉

      • kkatch22 Says:

        Okay. You have to do what you feel is right for you. I’m gonna hope, for you, that I’m completely wrong and you can say “see? I told you”. But if it goes the other way, I promise I still support you 100%.

  5. I went back and read through your last couple of posts about Mr. OoT and I was struck by a familiar situation I had with the Hunter. When we first started going out, he broke up with me a couple of times. He got pissed off with a flirty FB post with a former colleague, he felt insecure in general and scared. He was trying to end the relationship first so he wouldn’t get hurt. He had been cheated on and hurt in the past, so I understood his insecurity.

    I’m not saying this is Mr OoT’s situation, but I think that online & long-distance dating leads to a lot of insecurity. You don’t know what the other person is doing, you don’t have a long relationship necessary for building trust – there are too many unknowns. He’s seeking reasons for breaking up — you don’t like GOT — good-grief, that’s ridiculous. For the record, the Hunter and I are complete opposites on the political spectrum. We joke about negating the other’s vote.

    Having said that, I think perhaps going to see him as planned isn’t a bad idea. It shows him that you are serious and helps to dampen his insecurity. Whether you stay with him or not isn’t important. What’s important is that you are making an effort to keep this relationship afloat. Either he will appreciate it or he will be a rude jerk and you’ll know what YOU need to do. Good luck! I’m on your side!

    • Thanks Maggie! No clue what I’ll actually do at this point. Go. Not go. Go and just have fun. Go and not have fun. I will NOT try to change his mind. I will explain a couple of things to him though. We could have such fun together if he’d just pull his head out of his ass….

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