The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Weekend Update April 23, 2018

One of my favorite gluttons for punishment readers, who has been with me since the amazingly icky TD days and has yet to tell me to piss off or thrown her smart phone out the window upon reading about yet another insane recap of my bad behavior contacted me this morning in search of an update on my weekend.  She gets to peek ‘behind the curtain’ at the ‘real’ Grey as, although we have never met in person, we are friends on FB.  And she still chooses to read my drivel!  And, just for the record, I am more ‘real’ on here than I ever would be on Facebook (the root of all evil).

 

I felt bad letting her know that my weekend with Mr. OoT isn’t until this coming weekend, not this past weekend.  Oh boo.  I do need to update on some things though.  Mr. OoT and I have been talking and texting since D Day.  I’ve not brought up anything about ‘us’ and we just exchange nonsense and U Tube music videos.  I decided to just swallow what’s left of my pride last night and just ask him.  I had already decided that I would NOT be trying to ‘sell’ myself to him.  That if he couldn’t figure it out on his own, then screw him.  Or not, as the case may be.  Our phone conversations are usually pretty distant and disconnected since ‘that day’.  Last night though, I had mentioned something that needed fixing at my house that I couldn’t figure out and he offered to come fix it for me.  From 2 hours away.  Interesting.  I had to re-ask him and he was all ‘of course I would’.  Uhm……

 

So, as we haven’t spent any time together in the past 3 weeks and our relationship has both evolved and devolved via phone, I was still unsure about what I actually wanted from him.  He, apparently, kind of feels the same way.  I asked him if he was back online.  He is.  I am not.  I asked him if he was completely closed off to the idea of ‘us’.  He is not.  HOWEVER, he wants to date around.  *sigh* Fucking Karma ….. I do not necessarily see that as a bad thing though.  While I don’t have much desire to sit across from yet another lame online coffee date, he does.  I can’t really fault him for that.

 

We talked at length.  I apologized for flip flopping on him about what I wanted.  I acknowledged that wasn’t very nice of me and must have left him pretty damn unsure about where he stood with me.  He apologized for making assumptions about me that aren’t accurate.  He completely rescinded the ‘unwavering’ or whatever the hell he called me.  He completely left it up to me on whether I would be okay with this or not.  I honestly have no idea how I feel about this, but told him that I would try my best and we could talk more when I come up there.  I know how my mind works and am not sure I will be able to keep my inner mean girl at bay.  The 1st time I call him and go to VM, my mind will start spinning.  I do think it’s only fair though.  I don’t know what I want from him at this point.  I do know that I at least want a chance to find out.  He is terrified of being in a relationship right now or making the wrong choice and getting hurt.  While I’m disappointed that he already went back online before seeing me, I can’t say that I’m surprised.  I did tell him that I think we have fun & adventures to be had.  He is still convinced that I am too good for him and will find someone way before he does.  I told him that it wasn’t a race and that I don’t know why he keeps discounting the fact that I have CHOSEN to take a chance on him.

 

Anyway, as of now I am planning on going up there on Friday for the weekend.  As a 3 day, 24 hour a day, 2nd date might be a lot to handle (for both of us), I have opted to get a hotel room.  He doesn’t know this.  I may or may not use it.  I just thought it was the best thing to do.  Oh, and best part of all this (by best, I of course mean worse)?  There will be no sex.  He doesn’t want to sleep around.  He wants to wait until he decides ‘who’ will be the lucky recipient of his penis.  Again, while I can understand the logic behind this, I do think I deserve 1st dibs.  It’s been a month.  We have insane chemistry.  I think it just prudent to test drive the goods before making any decisions.  He is pretty adamant about his new vow of celibacy.  I am pretty adamant on making him break that vow.  I may have to pull out the big guns ………..

 

** for those of you (you know who you are), who have stuck with me since the TD days, this whole concept of backtracking and dating around will sound familiar.  And a recipe for disaster.  I do think this is different.  I was 300% certain about TD.  We all know that I’m not 300% certain about anything these days……

 

4 Responses to “Weekend Update”

  1. Nothing ventured nothing gained!! The worst thing that can happen is – nothing!


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