The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

We Should All Be Bald June 12, 2018

Filed under: aura,dating,internet dating,karma,Mr. OoT,online dating,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:08 pm

Well, everyone but me.  I can’t even pull off short hair, so I shudder to think what I’d look like with NO hair.  My thinking behind this is that if we were all bald, there would be no need for hairdressers.  No disrespect meant to the hairdressers of the world, of course.  There is just  one in particular that I could do without though.

 

So the ‘go ahead and ignore the letter I wrote you’ text that The Hairdresser sent Mr. OoT that last weekend should garner Mr. OoT an Academy Award.  He acted so befuddled.  He was convinced that she was texting the wrong person and that it wasn’t actually him she was thinking she was texting.  Ha fucking ha.  It was.  And he knew it.

 

Let’s be clear.  I have trust issues.  Almost every man I’ve been involved with has either lied to me or cheated on me.  I think I’m allowed a bit of cynicism at this point.  Let’s be clear on something else.  IF Mr. OoT did, in fact, hook up with The Hairdresser, that’s one thing.  IF Mr. OoT did, in fact hook up with The Hairdresser and is lying to me about not doing it, that’s a whole other ball game.

 

We were not ‘official’ until a couple of weeks ago.  Oh wait, did I forget to tell you all that?  Yes, I’m apparently now going steady.  Just me, my dog, my trust issues, Mr. OoT, his weed, his lies and his amazing hands.  Go me.  Anywhoo, he was well within his right to hook up with whomever he wanted.  Sure, I wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but it wasn’t (and isn’t) my place to say.  So back to that letter.  It arrived.  When Mr. OoT told me about it, my first question was ‘how the hell does she know your address?’  And he says that he must have given it to her.  I then point out that that’s weird and no one actually gives out addresses to someone they supposedly only saw twice unless she was coming over.  He says it’s not weird and that everyone does it.  Uhm, no.  No they don’t.  So the conversation goes on and he flat out denies ever hooking up with her.  That she has ever been to his place.  Then he says he has no idea how she got his address.  Wait.  You just said that you gave it to her and that it’s a completely normal thing to do.  Yeah.  Great.  I don’t think he fully realizes that I’m smarter than he is (sorry, but it’s true) and I remember details and conversations.  I realize when someone is contradicting themselves (doesn’t really take a rocket scientist this time, now does it).

 

As soon as he realized what was happening, he flipped everything and started asking me what I was doing.  Why I was grilling him.  Why I was trying to create issues.  I told him that I was only trying to get clarity on something that had been bothering me.  He said the conversation was going to shit and that he was hanging up.  Nice.  Like trying to have a conversation with a 12 year old who has just realized that he’s wrong.  And tripping over his own lies.

 

So here’s a little list that I’ve compiled (yey! a list!) of my reasons behind believing he DID hook up with her.  Again, it’s not the actual hookup, it’s the lying about it.

1) He deleted the 1st text she sent him when I was there.  I’m guessing it started either with a term of endearment or had some other incriminating content.

2) He admitted that she had sent him photos.  He claims they were only of her legs, but I doubt it.  Mr. OoT is a HUGE fan of pics and is very open and annoying about asking for them.  Always.

3) She knew his address

4) If they really only went out twice, like he claims, and never even kissed, why the hell is she writing him a letter?

5) One of her text messages asked ‘do I have anything to worry about’.  I completely take this to mean that they slept together and someone didn’t use protection.

6) I found a tube of flourescent green body paint on his windowsill last time I was there that I don’t think has been there always.  He said it was from his ex girlfriend.  From 6 months ago.

7) He did admit that they had been texting.  All since deleted.

8) When she cut his hair 2 weeks ago and hit on him, he gave the excuse of being busy instead of telling her he was seeing someone.  When I asked why he didn’t just tell her, he said that he wasn’t sure that I’d want to be exclusive.  (dumb fucker was apparently not wanting to burn that bridge ‘just in case’?)

I can’t get him to understand that it’s the dishonesty and not the actual hookup that I’m annoyed with.  His argument is ‘do you really think we still have something going on?’  Well no, of course I don’t.  I know he is SUPER into me.  I know he probably thinks that if I find out now that he did hookup with her and didn’t tell me, that I will leave.  That how on earth can he confess now that he’s already denied it all?

 

Let me say this again for the cheap seats: I HATE BEING LIED TO.  How am I not to assume that if you lie to me about one thing, that you aren’t lying to me about everything?  I know I need to let it go.  He texted this morning like nothing happened.  I haven’t brought it up again.  He doesn’t realize that without getting this settled, that The Hairdresser will now always sit in the back of my mind and cause me to question what he tells me in the future.  Since he completely shuts down when he feels he’s ‘losing’, it’s impossible to talk to him about anything that might upset him.  This is a huge concern to me as well.  We are, for all intents and purposes, in a long distance relationship.  If I can’t talk to him about anything that might make him uncomfortable, how is this going to work?

 

All this being said, he is a good guy.  He has a good heart.  He’s very kind and generous to and with me.  Does one potential lie about a hookup prior to us declaring exclusivity cancel all of this out?  I don’t know.  Dammit.

 

 

2 Responses to “We Should All Be Bald”

  1. kkatch22 Says:

    Okay…here’s my two cents, which won’t even buy belly button lint. I agree…hook up no hookup..you don’t care what happened before you were a real couple. However, why is she so driven to keep trying to contact him? If they didn’t hook up, seems like he likes the attention…to…make you jealous?? Perhaps? If they did hook up, is he keeping around “in case”? Either way if he’s truly WITH you he needs to grow a pair and tell her to buzz off. If he does that, maybe you can give him a chance. He cannot just end conversations he doesn’t like. What is he, 5? He needs to put his big boy britches on and learn to adult.

    • heatherangus Says:

      I agree. If it is not some type of “relationship “ (term used lightly) then simply tell her that he is seeing someone and please don’t contact me again. NO EXCUSES WTF?
      I have dated liars and cheaters, and the lie is always a worse betrayal for me. Own your shit. You’re not 16 years old now. Be honest and say you are wrong and I am sorry when it is needed.
      The flipping it on you and finding a justification to be pissy with you is gaslighting. Plain and simple. He needs to own his crap and not find ways to be defensive when he is called out. A grown ass healthy man will put it on the table (and I do mean the truth. No body parts on the table 😉 unless you ask him to for whatever reason. I won’t judge). You can’t have a healthy relationship if you can’t discuss issues openly and honestly.
      My two cents for what it is worth.
      ❤️ From 🇨🇦
      Ps. I may be slightly biased (*read pissy) because I’m dealing with a 50 year old lying assclown myself. So take this with a grain of salt 😉


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