The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Does Not Remembering Really Mean It Didn’t Happen? June 15, 2018

Filed under: aura,dating,internet dating,karma,mexico,Mr. OoT,texting,Uncategorized,vacation — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:51 am

In true to “I’m a guy” form, I heard from Mr. OoT the next morning after his curt ‘goodnight’ mid Hairdresser discussion as if everything was hunky dory and nothing had happened. Not sure why he does this. Not sure why I allow it to happen. There’s nothing more frustrating than leaving a discussion unresolved. At least for me. For him, it apparently never even happened. Must be nice…..

I’m annoyed right now. I DO like him. He’s kind and generous and funny and smart and has a really good heart buried under all his bullshit. He makes me feel pretty and special and talks of the future. He also has a pretty pronounced misogynistic side to him. Maybe misogyny is too strong a word; selfish? Self absorbed? Although he has told me 3 times now how closed minded I am (always, btw, in regards to his f*ing love of weed), it is actually he who is unable to see things from a different point of view. His interests come first. Although he will ask me what I want to do, watch on tv, eat, whatever, he always defaults to what he wants. He assumes everyone views the world (or should) as he does. For a smart man, he’s kinda dumb in this regard.

I’m feeling kinda disconnected at the moment. We all know that when I don’t feel connected, I get bored. And my mind wanders. Part of the fun of being in a long distance relationship with someone who apparently is incapable of having a serious discussion over the phone is that nothing gets resolved. By fun, I of course mean bullshit. Everything gets left for in person discussions. This takes away from our ‘us’ time and puts a damper on the whole thing, so I usually just let things go. It’s a bit of a double-edged sword. Apparently he’s fine with never getting anything resolved (bonus for him to never be called out on his bullshit). Not so great for me.

He’s mid 2-week stint right now. He will be back in town next Thursday. I leave town for a week on Wednesday. That means 2 more weeks before I see him again. We haven’t spoken much in the past few days. Him because he’s exhausted, me because I’m annoyed. How do we resolve something that one of us doesn’t even view as a problem? I’ve mentioned before about his horrific memory. I attribute that to his misogyny as well. If it doesn’t interest him or he doesn’t view it as important, it doesn’t get remembered. Being able to count on someone is a big thing for me. I don’t know that I can count on him. This is a man who only eats once a day and who I have to remind that I get hungry and need to be fed more than that. It’s kind of weird. And annoying. He’s the least self-aware person that I know. I am one of the most. It boggles my mind that someone so seemingly smart not only doesn’t own their shit, but doesn’t even realize that they have shit to own.

Anywhoo, back to not being able to count on him in the simplest of examples. I fly back into town on the 27th. He has offered to drive the 2 hours from his town to pick me up at the airport and then stay the night at my place. He has also told me that I will need to remind him. What the fuck? Write it down for shit’s sake. I think he’ll forget. I actually plan on him forgetting so instead of ubering to the airport and being assured that he’ll be there, a week later, to pick me up with open arms and a bouquet of flowers (ha), I am driving myself so that my car will be there for when he doesn’t show. Am I being too hard on him? Maybe. Am I expecting too much? Possibly. Has his past non efforts at follow through given me reason to be dubious? Hell yes they have. Not sure what to do. This is not a good week. Boo.

We are pretty great in person. Long distance, not so much …….


9 Responses to “Does Not Remembering Really Mean It Didn’t Happen?”

  1. kkatch22 Says:

    Well…you know me…always something to say…
    First of all, it’s pretty early to have so many issues…it’s an ominous sign.
    Secondly, driving your own car to the airport in expectation ofnhis failure, while mature and independent, is also a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts as well as a set up for a let down if you are hoping he will surprise you and remember. I would say take a stand and say never mind on the ride. If he wants to see you, come when you’ve rested and feel up to dealing with his bullshit.

    • I always count on you to weigh in. I mean that in a good way! I don’t know if I’m just searching for excuses to bail or if I’m just not cut out for long distance (or short distance for that matter) relationships at all. Regarding the airport pickup…gah. If my flight didn’t get in at midnight, I’d have many other options.

      • kkatch22 Says:

        Lol. Sorry..I’m a wordy one. Or opinionated. Or something. Dude, if you’re looking for reasons to bail….you already know the answers. He’s given you way too much ammo already. Imagine if you were with each other every day? You’re only getting a snapshot of who he is. If he can’t be on best behavior for just that amount of time…smh….it only gets worse when someone get comfy.

      • kkatch22 Says:

        You deserve someone who gives you answers before you even have the questions.

      • kkatch22 Says:

        And…as if I haven’t said enough…I know long distance very well. Ultra long-distance!! And we are transparent with each other. No questions. No secrets. No topic is off limits. It can work. With the right person.

  2. ppp1brain Says:

    No matter how gorgeous and cute – if it’s all about him – then it’s all about him.

    Don’t allow HIM to make YOU the problem.

    This isn’t looking like a good relationship unless you can keep yourself completely disconnected and emotion free.

    Just my .02

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