The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Whatever THIS Is…. July 16, 2018

Filed under: aura,dating,family,internet dating,karma,Mr. OoT,single,sunday funday,texting,Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:40 am

Mr. OoT likes to preface any discussion of ‘us’ by referring to our dating/relationship as ‘whatever THIS is that we’re doing’. It’s so weird. I know he says it that way for my benefit as he’s trying not to freak me out and cause me to run away, but c’mon.

He asked me the other day about steps. As in ‘the next step in whatever this is we’re doing’. He’s big on steps. I told him we could start by his NOT saying ‘whatever this is’ whenever he talks about ‘us’. He asked what he should categorize us as. Uhm, we’re dating. And unless he has someone on the side that I’m unaware of, we’re dating exclusively. Ergo, a relationship. Gasp! I could almost hear him grinning through the phone.

I asked him what he refers to me as to others. He said he calls me his amazing girlfriend. Good man. I call him by his name and say he’s the man I’m seeing. Boyfriend just doesn’t roll off the tongue normally for me at age 50.

Anywhoo, things are good. Although he opted to be away for work for 3 weeks this time instead of 2 without even thinking to mention it to me prior, he was completely open and engaged when I pointed out that most of our challenges happen when he’s away. He’s disconnected which, in turn, makes me disconnected. I asked what we could do to work on that and he suggested, all on his own, that even though we text multiple times a day, that we speak on the phone every 2 days. I thought that a great idea and promptly assumed he’d forget. So far, he makes sure to call me every 2 days…impressive.

My eyes were opened to a few things during his family’s visit. The opinionated, unwavering, opposing viewpointed man that he is now is actually an upgraded version on how he has been in the past. He even said to me ‘this is about as good as it gets. If you’re hoping for bigger changes, I’d appreciate you breaking up with me now as I’m getting very attached.”

Maybe it’s my viewpoint and expectations that need to change. People don’t change who they inherently are. He is who he is. It’s up to me to either adjust or not. He’s trying. He’s doing his best to make me happy. He is kind, good hearted and affectionate towards me. That’s a pretty good thing and I’m getting a little attached myself….


7 Responses to “Whatever THIS Is….”

  1. meccasanwick Says:

    Woo! Go you.

    Almost a year into dating Becca, I got a promotion at work that included occasional work travel. With that we implemented trying to talk each night I was away, even if it was simply me saying, “Hey, it was a long day and I’m beat, so I’m going to decompress before crashing for the night. Etc. Etc.” Quick 1-5 minute convo and done. I think that helped…if you end up looking for a next stage after the every 2 day thing.

    • Thanks M! It is a good thing. Still trying to work on the implied ‘too tired’ thing. He doesn’t tell me and just will be kinda MIA and assume that I know that’s the reason. It’s a learning curve for both of us….

  2. kkatch22 Says:

    As I always say, communication is key. The thing you both need to remember (unless there’s something about I don’t know) is that neither of you read minds. If you’re too tired to talk, say it. If you had a bad day, say it. It doesn’t have to lead to a 20 min discussion. It just lets the other know where your head is at.
    Now, as you know I always have an opinion. He says “it’s about as good as it gets”. You say “I need to adjust”. I’m gonna suggest a slightly different approach. It takes two always in a relationship. He needs to be open to further changes if it so happens the longer he is with you. And you, my dear, do not need to be the only one to “adjust”. It won’t work that way because one day you will resent that you were the ONE who changed. Instead you need to really reflect if you can “accept” not adjust. Always realizing that relationships are dynamic and not static. Nothing stays the same. Can you change together checking and balancing? If one has dug their heels in…it won’t work.

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