The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Grandma vs The Spinner July 13, 2019

Soooooo, the two of you that have been reading my angsty bullshit for a while will know that I often use this blog to work through my feelings and try to figure things out. It’s cheaper than therapy and, more often than not, more effective.

I think I’ll call the money grubbing dipshit 4th of July date Krystal.  Why, you ask?  Well, because that’s her name.  While I am fully aware that none of what has happened is directly her fault and solely Mr. OoT’s, she’s a player in my drama nonetheless.

Krystal is a 35 year old mother of a young child who lives in a shitty town.  Even shittier than the town that Mr. OoT lives in.  From what I’ve read in her messages with Mr. OoT and via her Instagram page (seriously? you’re going to act surprised that I looked her up?), she’s not the brightest bulb on the strand.  She sounds like a bit of an idiot and has a job that anyone with 6 months to kill for training could have.  She doesn’t have 2 nickels to rub together and likes to end most her sentences with ‘lol’.

From what I gathered, although Mr. OoT isn’t wealthy by any means, to her, he would be.  And she would take him for every last cent he has. Over the course of the messages I snooped on she must have mentioned money (or lack thereof) at least 10 times.  Being as Mr. OoT thinks he needs buy people’s affections, he has sent her several gifts.  Including a pizza one night (when he was in another state) when she said she was hungry and didn’t have money for dinner. He’s too stupid (and male) to see the huge red flags. I’m torn between thinking that is the nicest thing ever or the weirdest.

None of this is the point of this post.  The point is this: why the hell would I be jealous of a 35 year old, penniless dipshit whose every profile photo on FB (what? that surprises you too?) is taken with a Snapchat filter? While I am by far heavier, older and certainly not a ‘spinner’ like she is I am also by far and away smarter, more successful, more self sufficient. more age appropriate with no kids and no need to use anyone for their money.  I’m well traveled, well educated and have my shit (mostly) together. Well, aside from dating that is……

I’ve always envied those women that could date someone that they were super into and NOT turn into a jealous wreck knowing they weren’t the only one in the mix.  The women that were confident that they would win out in the end.  Confident that they were the better choice.  Confident that however things turned out would be the right way for them to turn out. The women that could go out with girlfriends and have a blast knowing that the guy they were interested in was on a date with another woman.

While I was absolutely more confident in my younger days, I was never confident enough to believe that the men in my life would choose me in the end.  Is it that I wasn’t confident in myself or confident in them? Not sure. And, to clarify, I am not hoping to ‘win’ Mr. OoT in the end.  We’re done.  I would like to figure out why I can’t be more of a ‘If he’s the right one for me, I’ll know it”, if he’s the right one for me, regardless of how many other women he’s dating (I’m talking about in the initial stages, btw) I’ll just go with the flow and see how things turn out.



7 Responses to “Grandma vs The Spinner”

  1. If he (whoever he turns out to be!) is the right one for you, he won’t need or want to be dating other women simultaneously.
    If he’s the right one for you he won’t need you to be a dipshit that he can feel superior to. Mr Right-for-you isn’t going to be threatened or intimidated by your job or self sufficiency.
    Mr Right shouldn’t be playing games with your peace of mind or self esteem. If he is, he’s merely Mr Right Now.
    Mr Right won’t be perfect. Not by a long stretch! He will do things that bug the ever-loving snot out of you and make you want to choke him until he looks like Poppa Smurf… but he won’t be harmful to your mental (or physical) wellbeing.
    He’s out there!

  2. Colleen Says:

    I think when men find a version of their “ideal woman,” someone who possesses the traits they’ve always thought they wanted, they embrace it for a while. Then, they sabotage it – they self-project their fears, and just do stupid shit like flirt with others.

    I am super-pissed at him for buying her gifts. What the hell? Did she get a candle, too?

    I think deep down, Mr. OoT believed you were too good for him, plus seems to have some disassociative disorder. He is some screwed-up knight to this broke and broken chick. Is she s lunch lady, by chance?

    • Right? Do you seem a theme here? Broken men that I choose who opt for “lesser than” women. I think you’re right about Mr OoT never believing he was good enough (what do you know; he wasn’t) and constantly testing me to prove I was “in”. Yeah, the gifts annoy the f*ck out of me too. I assume he’s still buying and sending her gifts too 🙄 as well as sleeping with her 🤮. He does see himself as some sort of a knight/superman/savior; I just didn’t let him wear his cape enough….

      • KB Says:

        He’s not worthy of a cape for you. He’s been a douche since the beginning and always made you question yourself and your worth. You always strike me as pretty self aware and have a great sense of self. He made you question that. You made far more of an effort on every level than he did. Let him and The Spinner smoke together and enjoy their candles! He wants someone he can feel superior to and now he’s got it. It won’t last. He is absolutely no loss to you. None.

        Grey, you know the patterns, you spot the idiots – you just need to listen to the niggle in your gut more. From what I read, it’s never wrong.

        • Thank you KB. I am super self aware, I just have this stupid pattern. I’ve been reading up on Narcissists and how they are drawn to people with empathy and compassion. Great. I can spot the issues a mile away for someone else, just not so good at it for myself. Currently trying to take more time just for me and not be so concerned with how everyone else is feeling. Not an easy task for an Empath….

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