So I’ve been super proud of myself. No tears, very little sadness, no temptation to call or text. Good, right? Mr. OoT has texted a few times and I have not responded. Yesterday he called. I sent the call to voicemail. Shortly thereafter I received a text saying ‘sorry, pocket dial’. Right.
I am trying to be the bigger person. I’m trying to realize that it’s him, not me. I’m trying to realize that I did my best (not absolute best, but kinda best) to make things work. I know for a fact that I deserve better. That he’s not what I want. That I never saw us long term. How I let things last as long as they did will forever be a mystery (and regret) of mine.
We are still ‘friends’ on Facebook (the root of all evil). I have not blocked him and he has not blocked me. We still have a trip to get thru next month (reminder to myself to book a 2nd guest room at the hotels) and I refuse to let him ruin another bucket list trip for me (did I ever mention that I took him to Ireland last year as his birthday present and he threw a hissy fit in the airport and ruined the beginning of the trip?)
Anyway, as I was patting myself on the back this morning for doing so well and handling everything with grace and charm (HA! I made that last part up), what pops up on my FB news feed? Mr. OoT changed his status to single. Shouldn’t matter, right? I’m sure he has a lineup of shitty women waiting (he’s SUPER good looking). I know that no one will compare to me. I know that he is better suited to be with an equally emotionally challenged lover of all things cannabis and mushroom related yes woman. Someone who fits right into his limited emotional availability. Someone who can somehow deal with his horrible outbursts and narcissistic need to be ‘on top’. To win.
Why is it that my stomach dropped a little and a wave of sadness overtook me when I saw that? 😦