To me, that is. Yes, after a hot second, I am back. And *wait for it* dating again! I took most of the past year off to ‘work on me’. I honestly used to make fun of people who venture into the self help realm. Not because it wasn’t what they needed or wanted, but because it was never my bag. Well guess what? It apparently is. You can never have too many bags, right? I’ve taken the past year to order all the self help books (thank you Amazon) and figure out what part I am playing in my dating nightmares. What is it about me that allows things to go on far too long and forgive far too much?
It’s been good for me. I didn’t date. I read the books. I took time for myself. I traveled to amazing countries on my own. I spent the winter in my happy place at the beach. I am now back home and ready to put all that I learned into action.
I’m back on Bumble. I have a new hair color. I have a new outlook. I have new standards and boundaries (can they be new if they never really existed before?). I am chatting with many many men. I am not pushing. I am not the one to suggest getting together. I am trying to embrace my inner ‘go with the flow’ and ‘what is meant for me will be’. I *hopefully* am done ‘trying to make things works’ and forgiving far too much. I am also learning that what I give will not always be reciprocated in the way I would like or hope, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that the effort is there. I am no longer willing to accept crumbs. While I may not get the entire cake, I do deserve an entire slice. And of a flavor that I love.
I have a date tonight. He seems very nice and intelligent and funny. I am excited to meet him. I’ve had exactly 2 dates so far this year. Both in my happy place and both for a meal *gasp*. While the food and conversation was good, neither went anywhere and that’s okay.
I haven’t spoken to, seen, stalked or asked about Mr. Oot in almost a year. I still think of him more than I like, but that’s definitely a closed chapter for me. He will be my ‘ruler’ in what not to accept in the future. I had that relationship for a reason and do feel that if he hadn’t decimated me as he did, I never would have gotten the point of searching within myself and figuring ME out. We were a bad couple from the start. I could have done better. He definitely could have done better. We were not meant to be, and that’s more than okay.
It’s a new year, I have a new outlook. Again. We’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck!