To me, that is. Yes, after a hot second, I am back. And *wait for it* dating again! I took most of the past year off to ‘work on me’. I honestly used to make fun of people who venture into the self help realm. Not because it wasn’t what they needed or wanted, but because it was never my bag. Well guess what? It apparently is. You can never have too many bags, right? I’ve taken the past year to order all the self help books (thank you Amazon) and figure out what part I am playing in my dating nightmares. What is it about me that allows things to go on far too long and forgive far too much?
It’s been good for me. I didn’t date. I read the books. I took time for myself. I traveled to amazing countries on my own. I spent the winter in my happy place at the beach. I am now back home and ready to put all that I learned into action.
I’m back on Bumble. I have a new hair color. I have a new outlook. I have new standards and boundaries (can they be new if they never really existed before?). I am chatting with many many men. I am not pushing. I am not the one to suggest getting together. I am trying to embrace my inner ‘go with the flow’ and ‘what is meant for me will be’. I *hopefully* am done ‘trying to make things works’ and forgiving far too much. I am also learning that what I give will not always be reciprocated in the way I would like or hope, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that the effort is there. I am no longer willing to accept crumbs. While I may not get the entire cake, I do deserve an entire slice. And of a flavor that I love.
I have a date tonight. He seems very nice and intelligent and funny. I am excited to meet him. I’ve had exactly 2 dates so far this year. Both in my happy place and both for a meal *gasp*. While the food and conversation was good, neither went anywhere and that’s okay.
I haven’t spoken to, seen, stalked or asked about Mr. Oot in almost a year. I still think of him more than I like, but that’s definitely a closed chapter for me. He will be my ‘ruler’ in what not to accept in the future. I had that relationship for a reason and do feel that if he hadn’t decimated me as he did, I never would have gotten the point of searching within myself and figuring ME out. We were a bad couple from the start. I could have done better. He definitely could have done better. We were not meant to be, and that’s more than okay.
It’s a new year, I have a new outlook. Again. We’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck!
The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater 
“I am also learning that what I give will not always be reciprocated in the way I would like or hope…” – This took me some time to realize and is something Becca and I remind ourselves about every day. Everyone has a “love language”. Mine is by ‘action’ so I communicate to Becca my love by doing things for her, but the “love language” she’d prefer, and more often acknowledges, is ‘touch’, so I have to remind myself sometimes while we’re just relaxing to rub her head for a little bit or if we’re driving to scratch her knee…
You get my point.
It’s a weird game. Glad you took some YOU time. š
Matthew!!! See? A learning curve is good! As is being cognizant of each other’s love language. I look back on all my dating/relationship mishaps and while it’s easier to blame my partner, I could have definitely done more to prevent/encourage/provide a better feeling of security to them and maybe some issues could have been avoided. I need to be careful with that turning into a shit-pot of ‘what ifs’, but hopefully I’ll do better in my next relationship. There will be a next one, right? šš¤š
I’m sure there will be a next one. As for the “What Ifs”, as I know you are NOTORIOUS for falling into that rabbit hole (said with <3), I've also begun to make sure I constantly remind myself not to let things I have zero control over bother me. It's one things to reflect on things you personally did/didn't do…and that's just basically self-reflection and growth, but it's another when the "What If" centers on things OTHERS did/didn't do.
Yes, I am definitely notorious for ruminating on ‘what could have been if only’…… I am a super frustrating (to myself and others, I’m sure) dichotomy of self awareness, absolutely believing in ‘what was meant for me will be’, yet still spending way too much energy on what I could have done better and how, in my mind, that could have/would have changed things. I don’t have control over the past or anyone else’s feelings or actions. I can always do better. We all can. I need to hold others accountable as well though and embrace the whole, ‘everything happens as it should’ and I deserve as much effort as I give ….. Blah, I’m dating again. Ugh. š