43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Bad Decisions on the High Seas May 16, 2018

This weekend I am off for a girls’ trip aboard a shitty little cruise ship to a shitty little destination. I sound excited, right? Well, I am. If only because my FOMO kicked in and I truly miss my friends that I moved away from almost a year ago. When they all told me about the trip, my thoughts ranged from ‘that sounds like a horrible idea’, to ‘seriously? a 3 day cruise? who does that?’ to ‘damn, I’m going to be missing out’. As I am still not working (or looking, for that matter), I absolutely should not be going. Oh lookie there, my financial decisions are just as good as my romantic ones! I’m going. Fuck it.

All of the women going on the trip are single. Heaven help any men aboard the ship as more than a few of us are a bit boy crazy. Although you will all agree that I am kind of pre-occupied with finding someone of the opposite sex, compared to several of my friends I’m a complete amateur in that regard. No, really. I actually forsee arm-wrestles over anyone attractive. There will be shoving, tripping, running and all forms of mahem. Haven’t actually decided if I will be participating. Kinda think not.

In true Grey Goose form, of the 10 of us going, I only really care about my ‘core’ group of 4. The rest are just filler. And sort of annoying. The riff raff (kidding!) are planning a big excursion in one of the ports that will take up most of the day. I, true to form, will be forgoing that less than appealing option to stay on board and drink. And tan. And ogle the crew (yes, I’m THAT girl, stop acting surprised). Because my tribe is awesome, they are staying on board with me!

I am looking forward to a terrific trip reconnecting with friends, drinking WAY too much, eating WAY too much, acting a bit immature (go figure) and laughing WAY WAY too much. Can there ever be too much laughter though? I think not.

Mr. OoT is not thrilled that I am going on this trip and has already requested that if I do hook up with anyone, to NOT tell him. As I don’t forsee that even happening, it’s a moot point. Kinda cute that he’s worried though. As a little bonus to this post and because I have offered no real updates on him lately, Mr. OoT is out of town again working. I won’t see him for 10 more days. He has already told me that he misses me, that he wishes we could see each other more often and that *silence for the suspense* he is going to pick out a drawer for me in his room. A whole drawer! Just for me! 😉 Oh, and he also mentioned that he hid his online profile…….

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2 More…. March 5, 2018

Nights, not 28 year olds silly. Still at the beach, still loving everything about being here. Kinda lost my mojo after the 1st night though.

Not sure where it went. Not feeling so awesome about myself for whatever reason. Not sure why. Oh wait, yes I do. Those friends that like to pigeon hole me are at it again. Today alone I have been asked why I’m so pissed off (I wasn’t), why I was in a bad mood (I wasn’t), I was (jokingly, I assume/hope) teased for being a drunk (I’m not) and a whore (I wish). I was referred to as old too. All amazing things for my self confidence.

There is a whole new slew of college boys in town. Sure, they’re MUCH to young for me, but the fact that are joking around and chatting up all my friends (who are much older than me) and haven’t even glanced in my direction is a total bummer.

To top it all off, I just totally lost my shit. In a public place. In front of everyone. Regarding an amazingly ill handled issue. You see, in addition to being a snarky professional online dater, I’m a very intelligent & well spoken woman (on any topic not regarding a cute guy) who doesn’t really enjoy not beimg in control of my emotions. Alcohol may have been involved…..

 

Night One March 1, 2018

A 28 year old. Go me. In theory. Got here this afternoon. Immediately proceeded to a friend’s condo for a beer. It went downhill from there. By downhill, I mean heading to the bar and proceeding to drink with friends for the next 7 hours and having a fucking blast.

We met some 20 somethings here on a bachelor weekend (let’s keep in mind that I am a semi ancient 50. Damn). No shit. Shots were had, drinks were had, 20 somethings on a bachelor trip were had. It was damn fun.

I decided to have some extra fun. I gave one of the kids my number. What transpired were hours of awkward texts from him. Like an insecure eager puppy. It was cute. My friends and I proceeded to respond to him (as me, of course). I told him to come over. He did. What happened next was a sped up version of the most selfish ‘session’ ever.

He was cute and hard bodied and half my age. He was every bit as selfish as I remember 20 year olds to be. He had the weirdest energy about him when he showed up. Eh, what did I care?

It was over way too soon and off he went. While fun for the short time that it lasted, not sure it was worth the effort of getting undressed.

I’ve got 5 more days left of vacay. Oh, and all of those ‘watching eyes’ that I was afraid of? They all rooted me on….

I love Mexico

 

Pit Stop February 28, 2018

So I am in my old home town for the day before heading to the beach tomorrow. I saw friends for drinks and dinner last night and it was kinda weird. Like watching a story progress without the central character. I love my friends. I really do. I am actually the connection for everyone. I’m the one that brought the group together. I am the one that created the events and introductions. I love that my friends all get along. Such a weird feeling to see all those relationships progress from the sideline.

So while I am wasting time before meeting with my accountant (please say a little prayer for me; I fear it’s going to get ugly), I have found a park to sit at. With a lake. And ducks. And wifi. And Tinder. And Bumble. And I have to wonder…..where the hell were these hot guys I’m seeing when I lived here?!?!?!!?

 

Protected: Como se Tinder? February 26, 2018

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I’ve Done Something February 21, 2018

Something that may either be a good idea or the worst idea on the planet. Something that my friends are split between wanting to smack me in the head for or cheer me on for. Something that may end my week on a high note or may just ruin everything. Something that I am surprised by, but trying not to get excited about. Something that I have the next 3 days to worry about, overthink, get excited about, obsess about and generally run through every single possible ‘what if’ about.

I am going to embrace my long forgotten 2018 mantra of leaving shit up to the universe and not always being a neurotic shit show when it comes to things I want. What could possibly go wrong???

 

Karma or Just Common Sense? March 10, 2017

Filed under: beach,bumble,dating,interent dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:50 pm

So, today is the day that *someone* decided that he just HAD to go to MY beachfront haven destination without 1) coordinating with me so that I could go at the same time or 2) asking me any sort of advice or tips (he’s not been in 10 years and I go twice a month).  As we all know, my inability to join him this weekend when he already well knew I needed to be in town earned me a 9 part ‘our schedules are just TOO conflicting’ break up text.

In direct contrast to my ‘norm’ of obsessing over it, blaming myself, trying to change his mind (yes, I’m just THAT pathetic sometimes) or sending a completely insincere “have a great weekend” text, I have done nothing.  None of the aforementioned things.  What I did do though, completely coincidentally, was to log into FB and see a post from someone stating that the wait times at the border are LONG.  As in more than an hour.  Which, of course, I would have warned him about as going on a Friday afternoon/evening is always a nightmare.

As he didn’t bother to ask my advice or opinion, he will be left to find out for himself.  And I couldn’t be happier about that.