The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

I’ll Buy My Own Pancakes May 9, 2022

Filed under: bumble,dating,internet dating,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:49 pm
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So The Pilot came to town last week. Kinda odd as we hadn’t been ‘talking’ much. And by talking, I mean texting. And by ‘much’, I mean at all. He doesn’t live in town. Our one phone conversation was more than slightly annoying. What I initially thought was sweet and kind, is just weirdly sappy. He talks like a human Hallmark card. Ewwww. Before we stopped talking, I mentioned how crazy busy the next couple of weeks would be for me. I was more than a little annoyed surprised when he announced on last Sunday night that he would be here the next day. That he would arrive late Monday evening and wanted to meet on Tuesday.

Uhm, I had about ZERO spare time on Tuesday to meet, but being the giver I am 😉 I said I could spare a couple of hours (including drive-time – I know, I’m so romantic). As he has only been to my town once before, I asked where he was staying and I would choose a breakfast place to meet. He said that he didn’t know but would google places on Tuesday morning and let me know. Uhm wait, I just told you that I have ZERO spare time on Tuesday and you’re not going to let me know where to meet until that morning? No sir, that doesn’t work for me.

For some odd reason, he didn’t know where he’d be staying, so I asked him to let me know Monday night when he arrived and found out and I would choose a place because, well, I live here and I work better with a plan. Monday afternoon he sends me a link to a breakfast place. Uhm, okay. Apparently he was able to find out where he was staying ahead of time after all. The link he sent takes me to a location about 30 minutes from me. Boo, but whatever.

I get up early to work on Tuesday and be able to meet him at 9am. I get there and he sends a text that he’s there and sitting at a booth behind the hostess stand. As I was standing right next to the hostess stand and there are no booths in the vicinity, I sent back that I was there, but didn’t see him. He then asks what location I’m at. I tell him I’m at the one that he sent the link for. Ooopsie. He was a different location. A location that was right next to the hotel he was staying at, yet 45 minutes from my house and another 20 minutes from the location that I just drove a half an hour to get to.

You can see where this is going, right? Or, more accurately, not going. In order to get to the other location I would have just enough time to arrive, say hello, then drive the 45 minutes home to my next job. So I didn’t. And while he apologized for the mix up, he also said that he had no way of getting to my location. Uhm, Uber? I found the entire thing annoying as hell. I had just wasted an hour out of my jam packed morning and I wasn’t even getting breakfast out of it.

Here’s the thing: I’m not positive that I would drive 45 minutes across town, during rush hour, to meet anyone for breakfast. Most important meal of the day or not. I found it rude that he chose a place within walking distance of where he was staying, yet 45 minutes away from me. I found it ridiculous that he truly seemed to not understand the concept of paying for a ride to get somewhere.

Want to know something else? He chose Arugula as one of his 3 desert island foods. You know, if you could only have 3 foods for the rest of your life, what would they be? Arugula?! Who the hell picks lettuce as a desert island food?! I don’t think we could have a future anyway …….

 

Wasted Efforts April 26, 2022

Otherwise known as protecting my energy. So The Pilot texts. A lot. And wants to know “what makes Grey Goose tick”. He sends sweetly encouraging and affirming messages. A lot. And it IS a lot. For me.

I’ve not met this man. He doesn’t live in my town. He has no idea when he’ll be able to get back to my town. He says he has ‘bid’ on flights to come back, but no set date or plan.

We all know my affinity for getting bored with men that I haven’t yet met. We are also well aware of my cynicism at times. Yes, we have a lot in common. We are also in very different places, bother literally and figuratively.

One of the main things I value is honesty. For good or bad, don’t make up stories that aren’t true. Especially if they are easily verified. The Pilot told me that he NEVER logs into Bumble when he is travelling. That is apparently a complete untruth. As Bumble is location based, you can see where people are logging in from. In the last 3 days he has logged in from 3 different states in the midwest. What a silly fib. Why? It’s not even a big deal until you lie about it. AND, just to clarify, he has my number and we now communicate via text and NOT via the app, so there goes that theory

Anyway, I don’t feel the desire to let The Pilot know what makes me tick before we meet and I know that I actually want The Pilot to know what makes me tick. Am I wrong? I am very protective over my personal thoughts, feelings, dreams and insecurities (except on here).

I feel that if I were more excited about actually meeting him, these things wouldn’t bother me. But they do. And I didn’t bother responding to his last text message to me.

 

Let’s Play A Game April 22, 2022

It’s 6:45pm on Friday night. Guess what I’m doing? Or going to do? Or have done? Or wearing? If you guessed already in pajamas, ready to tuck into a movie with my dogs and no other human company while doing laundry, you win! Yippee!! Who’d have guessed? Oh, that’s right, everyone.

Last Friday night my old neighbors, who I LOVE, unexpectedly brought their young kids by at 7:45 pm to say hi! Yey! Guess what I was wearing that time? Yes! A different pair of pajamas. At 7:45pm. On a Friday night. With witnesses. Yikes.

I am less than thrilled with the current offerings on Bumble and apparently the feeling is mutual. I deleted (almost) all of my stagnant message exchanges. For whatever reason, I have left the one that I messaged with a lot a couple of weeks ago who just stopped messaging. I know he either met someone else or died. What other reason could there be? You know who else I left in the stagnant strand? The Professor, who cancelled on me the day of, due to illness but suggested we ‘reschedule very soon!’. He must have died as well. What other reason could there be?

I’m not sure why I have left those 2 strands there, mockingly. Do I think they are going to magically reappear and ask me out? Maybe. Do I honestly think I wouldn’t pull out my best snarky questions about the large time gap in messages? Most definitely I would. So why then? I don’t know. *shrug*

I did match with someone at the beginning of the week as a total fluke. He was apparently just visiting and logged in while waiting for his flight home. I randomly logged in, after several days of not swiping left or right. We matched, we chatted, we have lots in common as far as mindsets, outlooks and ideals. He sort of a did a 180 with his life like I did a few years ago. He registers high on the empath scale (which, after Mr. OoT who definitely did not) is refreshing. He’s funny and witty and kind and doesn’t live in my state. Oh. And still has a child at home. Double Oh. And was SUPER weird on the phone. In that either there were actually many many squirrels or shiny objects in his vicinity while we were talking or he is ADD off the charts. We’ll see where this goes, if anywhere. We all know I tend to get bored/annoyed with getting to know someone before I know if there is any chemistry and I truly want to get know them. Meh, my online Tarot reader says I should embrace new ideals and changes in how I do things. I’ll give it a shot. Anywhoo, I shall call him The Pilot. He’s not a pilot, mind you, but I feel that sounds better and is easier to type than The Airline Steward and much more polite than Mr. ADD.

Happy Friday!

 

Love Is In The Air April 14, 2022

Oh, you’re sweet. No, not for me. Yet. But apparently for everyone else. Yey? My best friend in town has found herself a man. One that apparently makes her very very happy. She likes to tell me all the wonderful things that he does for her, buys her and how kind he is to her. Everything she deserves. I am genuinely happy that she is so happy.

Funny thing is, I’ve been on the receiving end of information about him, from her, since their 1st date. She wasn’t too into him. She used to tell me that she liked him because she wouldn’t be upset if he ended things and that he was boring in bed. What? I mean, I understand completely in that he obviously liked her more than she liked him, but boring in bed? Apparently that’s changed. Or has it? I’m not sure. They go on lots of fun trips together. He buys her very nice gifts. He apparently has zero worries about finances and ‘is loaded’ (her words, not mine). I always joke about wanting to find a sugar daddy but know in my heart that I would never be with a man just because he had money (although it would be damn nice). Is that what I think she’s doing? No, no I don’t. I don’t think the fact that he spends lavishly on her hurts though. Meh, not my business. She deserves to be happy and I am happy for her.

I met another friend for happy hour on Monday. She was married for 25 years, her husband cheated on her, and she has been divorced 3 years I believe. She online dates as well (because, really, how else do you meet people?). She has TWO dates set up for this week! Remember when I used to be able to ‘stack’ dates? When I was apparently a hotter property than I am now? When men actually used to ask me out instead of just wanting to exchange messages for a lifetime? I’m not sure how she transitions, prompts, whatevers and makes the message-to-actual-in-person-date happen? Have I lost my touch? Is she better at flirting than I am (granted, most of the universe is)? Does she just ask them out? Does she have a little countdown clock that she makes them aware of and when time expires, if a date isn’t set, she just deletes them? I really have no clue. She’s a catch, mind you, but so am I. She definitely has an agenda and very set and structured expectations from men and relationships which I kind of don’t. I don’t think. In the time I was away at the beach (4 months), she had 2 different relationships. She was the one to end them both. I, in that same time frame, had 2 x 1.5 hour long dates that went nowhere. Huh.

I think know my man is out there. I know that if I’m meant to be with someone it will happen. I do feel that I have been patient long enough. I am embracing being single (sort of). I am fully aware that being single has some definite perks to it. I also know that I miss someone to help me lift heavy things and help with my ever growing honey-do list. *sigh* I will need to apparently get some pointers and take better notes on my friends’ online dating styles. In the end though, I can only be me, so what did I do after drinks with my dating frenzy friend? I came home and deleted all my go nowhere messages and matches that were just festering ageing in my inbox. That’s good, right?

 

My Hand Is Cramping….. April 11, 2022

Filed under: bumble,dating,internet dating,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:47 pm
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Remember a few years ago when I waxed poetic about WAY too many men online dating seemingly just looking for pen pals? Yeah, some things never change. I realize that the message to date ratio is relatively low, but c’mon people! I must have 20 different chats going. And by going, I mean sitting stagnant in my inbox *snicker* as I refuse to keep messaging ad nausea without any attempt or suggestion at meeting.

I have been messaging back and forth with a seemingly great guy who is funny, well traveled, has children of appropriate age and who uses proper punctuation. The only red flag is that he writes things like *blush*, *lol* and other such weirdness. By ‘red flag’, I of course mean, mildly weird and annoying, not an actual red flag. Anywhoo, we have messaged for well over a week with NO mention of meeting up. I have decided that this go around (20th? 22nd?), I will not be the one to suggest meeting. That if a man wants to meet, he needs to suggest it. I’m worth at least that much effort, right? This mindset isn’t going too well for me, btw. Anyway, one of his last messages to me was ‘thank you for that suggestion (we were talking about what to make for dinner), I owe you a drink’ which I jumped for joy at! Yey, he’s finally going to ask to meet! I responded ‘you’re very welcome and I will absolutely accept that offer of a drink’. And ……….. nothing.

While I understand the nerve wracking-ness of asking a potential date out in person, I feel the whole online thing sort of diminishes this. Sure, no one likes being turned down, but you know what else no one likes? Exchanging message forever!

So far my 2022 scorecard, for those playing at home, is 2 dates when I was in my happy place at the beach. 1 for lunch, 1 for drinks and 2 dates since I’ve been back home. 1 for dinner and 1 for coffee. How many 2nd dates? Well, that would be none. Granted, I am the one to have turned down the offer of a 2nd date with dinner guy, but he had many more legitimate red flags than writing *blush* in a message. Which, oddly, he also did ……… huh.

 

Quick Fire April 1, 2022

So I had another date today. Or, more like an interview. I had been messaging with The Interviewer for a couple of days. He would shoot off questions to me faster than I could respond. He is retired, well traveled and used good grammar. Yipeee! He suggested we meet for a ‘beverage’. I replied, ‘yes, I would love to meet for a drink’ and added a martini emoji. I left it to him to pick the time and place. Well, sadly, he chose a Starbucks in the middle of the day. I playfully responded ‘you obviously mistook my martini glass emoji for that of a coffee cup’ and I’m pretty sure it went right over his head. He responded that if I wasn’t a fan of foo foo coffees, we could go to the McDonald’s right next door. Uhm, WHAT?!

I’m not a fan of coffee dates. I’m even less of a fan of Starbucks. Know what’s even worse than that? Yeah, having a date/interview/meetup at McDonald’s. I may have agreed to a daytime coffee date, but I certainly won’t be doing that at a McDonald’s. Starbucks it is. Yey. Not. Oh well, you can’t win if you don’t play, right? I texted to confirm our coffee meet today and half hoped he would cancel. As luck would have it, he didn’t.

I changed out of the sweats I have been wearing for 2 days (don’t judge me, it’s cold here), took a shower, washed my hair, tried to remember how to apply makeup and put on jeans, a sweater and cute little booties. Then changed my sweater as it didn’t show any cleavage. What?! Daylight interview style coffee date or not, I need to play to my assets, right?

He was nice and interesting and retired and loved to travel. He also happened to mention that he had 2 young children (which, later in the conversation changed to 3). How small you ask? WAY too small for a 50 year old man to have! I draw the line at graduated from high school. His youngest should be doing that sometime right around the year 2040. No thank you.

We had a nice conversation, spoke about our travels, drank our coffees and then parted ways. Not too painful, not too exciting and not too long lasting. On to the next……

Oh, and I still haven’t heard back from The Professor. Guess he’s either REALLY sick or just REALLY uninterested in rescheduling our date. Either way, it’s okay. Sigh……..

 

The Date…. March 31, 2022

Filed under: bumble,dating,dinner out,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:07 am
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And not the one I was planning on either. My date with The Professor that was supposed to happen on Monday did not. Big surprise. He texted to say that he came home from work early as he wasn’t feeling well but wanted to reschedule very soon. I replied with ‘I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well. I hope you feel better and yes, let’s reschedule soon!’. It’s now Thursday and I have yet to hear back. Which, of course, must mean he is in the hospital where they confiscated his phone and have him so drugged up that his pleas to get in touch with me are going unheeded. Right? There could be no other explanation for his silence…..

I have been chatting with many men. Par for the course on online dating, the majority don’t go past the 1st few exchanges. Or, to be perfectly honest, the 1st exchange. And that’s okay. As I want someone who puts forth the effort to get to know me/move things forward, I am unwilling to make all the effort. If someone wants to get to know me, they will engage me in conversation and show interest. I no longer want to be the one ‘driving the bus’.

Anywhoo, one of the gents I was chatting with asked me to dinner after just a few messages. Hey, I like dinner! And I like someone who jumps in and isn’t afraid to meet in person without exchanging messages for weeks on end. We met last night. I will call him Mr. Earnest. He is in a place in his life where he is trying to recreate himself. He’s new to town, trying a new profession, not so distantly out of a long term relationship and genuinely trying to better himself. He’s had quite the past and hasn’t always been dealt the best of cards. He’s doing his best though to play those cards well. The old me would jump on board and take on this new project to help him be the best version of who he can be and encourage him every step of the way. The present me just doesn’t want to. I don’t want the drama or work that goes along with someone trying to find himself. While the food and conversation were great, it was absolutely a friend vibe and I took heed of all the red flags. As we were chatting (he WAY overshared about every single aspect of his past and it was a bit overwhelming), I kept steering conversation into a ‘friendship zone’. He then asked me how I like my eggs cooked in the morning. I blushed like a complete schoolgirl. It threw me off and I was a bit flustered after that. We hugged goodbye and he suggested we get together again. While the old me would have agreed because, again, I like food and love a good project, the current me just isn’t up for it. I sent him a message this morning explaining that I feel that we are in different places in our lives and didn’t think we were a good match. I wished him well and told him he deserves someone wonderful (because, after all, don’t we all? or at least most of us?). He just responded. I haven’t looked yet to see what it says…..

 

Welcome Back! March 28, 2022

Filed under: bumble,dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:52 am
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To me, that is. Yes, after a hot second, I am back. And *wait for it* dating again! I took most of the past year off to ‘work on me’. I honestly used to make fun of people who venture into the self help realm. Not because it wasn’t what they needed or wanted, but because it was never my bag. Well guess what? It apparently is. You can never have too many bags, right? I’ve taken the past year to order all the self help books (thank you Amazon) and figure out what part I am playing in my dating nightmares. What is it about me that allows things to go on far too long and forgive far too much?

It’s been good for me. I didn’t date. I read the books. I took time for myself. I traveled to amazing countries on my own. I spent the winter in my happy place at the beach. I am now back home and ready to put all that I learned into action.

I’m back on Bumble. I have a new hair color. I have a new outlook. I have new standards and boundaries (can they be new if they never really existed before?). I am chatting with many many men. I am not pushing. I am not the one to suggest getting together. I am trying to embrace my inner ‘go with the flow’ and ‘what is meant for me will be’. I *hopefully* am done ‘trying to make things works’ and forgiving far too much. I am also learning that what I give will not always be reciprocated in the way I would like or hope, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that the effort is there. I am no longer willing to accept crumbs. While I may not get the entire cake, I do deserve an entire slice. And of a flavor that I love.

I have a date tonight. He seems very nice and intelligent and funny. I am excited to meet him. I’ve had exactly 2 dates so far this year. Both in my happy place and both for a meal *gasp*. While the food and conversation was good, neither went anywhere and that’s okay.

I haven’t spoken to, seen, stalked or asked about Mr. Oot in almost a year. I still think of him more than I like, but that’s definitely a closed chapter for me. He will be my ‘ruler’ in what not to accept in the future. I had that relationship for a reason and do feel that if he hadn’t decimated me as he did, I never would have gotten the point of searching within myself and figuring ME out. We were a bad couple from the start. I could have done better. He definitely could have done better. We were not meant to be, and that’s more than okay.

It’s a new year, I have a new outlook. Again. We’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck!

 

I Miss You January 26, 2020

So read Mr. OoT’s last text to me.  Well of course you do, you big dumbass.  You had a year and half (actually, almost 2 years) to step up and at least TRY to get some help with your issues, but no, it was all too ‘inconvenient’ for you.  I just wasn’t worth it for you to put in the effort.  Idiot.

He had sent me a text with a link to a dishwasher the other day.  I ignored it.  I know what he was doing.  He counted on me to help him replace all his piece of shit appliances in his new piece of shit house.  To let him know what would look best.  To find the best deal.  To make sure all would work.  You see, Mr. OoT isn’t big on details.  I think he probably reads every 3rd word (at best) when reading descriptions (or my texts, for that matter).  The last time he ordered an appliance online, ‘it got delivered in the wrong color’.  No, my friend.  No it didn’t.  You failed to notice that the microwave you were purchasing was Almond in color, not white.

The fact that Mr. OoT’s favorite time to online shop is at night when high, it came as no surprise.  I actually had to keep myself from laughing the day the microwave got delivered and he removed it from the box.  He was SO pissed!  Anywhoo, back to this dishwasher.  It was an 18″ one.  Most people know that a standard dishwasher is either 23 or 24 inches across. For those that don’t, reading the product description as ‘compact version will fit in smaller spaces’ might be a bit of a tip-off.  This ALL escaped his notice.

He sent me a follow up message the next day asking “yes or no?”  I had more than half a mind to give him the thumbs up so he would order it and be super pissed/surprised when this mini version arrived.  As I’m not (always) a complete bitch, I wrote back that it would be better for him to order a standard sized dishwasher. He had NO CLUE that dishwashers come in different sizes. *sigh*

He then thanked me for pointing that out, said he would try not to bother me so much and then, as a separate text, sent an “I miss you” and a crying emoji.  I think by the time I am completely over all of this will be 3 seconds before we board our international flight together next month.  And then I can start the whole process over again. *sigh*

 

If You Can’t Beat Them …… January 24, 2020

So we all know how I feel that Facebook is the root of all evil. Oh, you didn’t? Well, I do. People share WAY too much information. I neither care nor am interested in knowing what you had for lunch yesterday. Or the day before. I don’t want to read about your every thought that crosses through your head.

I especially don’t want to see all the Namaste posts made by people that I know for a fact to be pretty much the opposite of Namaste and peace and love. Yes, Mr. OoT and oldest sister, I’m looking at you.

Facebook is good for keeping in touch with old friends. Facebook is for people you never really liked in your past to track you down in your present and friend request you. Facebook is to see what concerts are coming to your area. You know, important shit like that. Oh, and dog pictures. ALL the dog pictures.

It has always bothered me that people post their relationship status on Facebook. Announcing new relationships. Announcing the end of said relationships. It’s a well known fact that it’s not really real until it’s posted on Faceboo, right?

Anywho, it’s always bothered me that Mr. OoT likes to announce when he’s single (after waiting the less than appropriate 12 hours). When we 1st started dating he claimed to not know how to remove it from his main profile page. When he ‘figured it out’ on how to remove from his main profile, I discovered he had just moved it to his ‘about’ page. Again, he claimed ignorance. Btw, do we all know that Mr. OoT used to be an IT guy? Right.

So this morning, for whatever reason, I looked at Mr. OoT’s page. I looked at all his new ‘friends’. It will not surprise you to know that they are all female. Whatever. And all of them have ‘single’ as their status announced on their front page. I feel like warning them, but whatever, not my circus.

As I am, in fact, single, I opted to actually put that on my profile page. Mind you, I have never posted a relationship status on my profile. Ever. Single, dating, it’s complicated, in a relationship, nothing. I figure if I’m going to get the universe to do it’s job though, it couldn’t hurt to get a little help from Facebook, right? And maybe, just maybe, I did it as a middle finger to Mr. OoT. Namaste motherfucker…

 

“A” For Effort July 20, 2019

Or maybe, too little too late.  As I still haven’t told Mr. OoT to completely fuck off (am I waiting for a miracle?), he texts me most days.  Most days I don’t respond.  When I do, they are short, not so sweet and completely disconnected.  He phones me almost every day.  Almost every day I send him to voicemail.  I warned him once that if I get to the ‘shut down’ phase, it’s pretty impossible to get me to care again.  I’m kinda there.  Although I do still care, kind of, there’s no need for him to know that.

 

He sends me apologies, please forgive me’s, I’ll change(s) and a multitude of other niceties.  He talks of my upcoming birthday and future trips we’ll take together.  He talks of the future and how he’ll do everything possible to make me happy.  I never respond to these message.  They make me sad.  And a bit annoyed.  I gave him over a year to step up.  He didn’t.

 

He’s competitive.  Not sure if all these niceties are because he truly means them or he just wants to ‘win’.  I refuse to get back on the roller coaster.  Today’s apology was a good one.  He’s a huge music lover.  We’ve always exchanged UTube links to different songs that we like.  Songs that mean something to us.  Songs that make us happy.  Songs that tell the story of the day.

 

Today he sent me the link to The Petshop Boys “Always on my mind”, complete with lyrics.  It was sweet and sad and made me tear up just a little.  Too little, too late indeed ….

 

Just Like Ordering A Pizza July 16, 2019

I’ve used this analogy to describe the Male (and yes, female too) mindset of online dating. It also describes the mindset of daters in general.  Thinking you can pick and choose the traits (toppings) you want for your mate (such a lame term). Mr. OoT is no exception.  Sure, everyone has some idea of what they want, but to have a specific list is, IMHO, insane.

As we all realize that Mr. OoT may be a bit insane himself, he is super specific in what he likes. Oddly so.  Not in important qualities like education, ability to hold a conversation, good heartedness or anything else that I would put at the TOP of my list.  These qualities would go at the bottom of his.  While he knows that a ‘dumb’ girl wouldn’t be able to hold his attention due to his love of a good debate, I’m pretty sure this other list trumps that.  His list is of a different kind. Like down to footwear. He likes blondes. Blondes with bobbed hair cuts to be weirdly specific (and outdated). Blondes with bobbed hair cuts that wear sundresses. And Birkenstocks. And smoke weed (not the kind you find in my yard). For the record, and just to state the obvious, I am NONE of the above aside from being blonde.

The Spinner is all of the above. I know this from my super sleuthing. Down to the sundress. Specifically a really ugly one that she sent a photo of to Mr. OoT when he said he loved them. It was hanging on a clothesline in her backyard. Of course it was. *insert eye roll here*

I’m more edgy than hippie in my dress.  I prefer footwear that doesn’t look like I’ve been wearing them since the mid ’70s.  I hate sundresses.  You can’t wear a bra with them and they have super weird squared off necklines.  And they remind me of something a little girl would wear (sorry to all you sundress lovers out there, they’re just not for me).  My life’s ambition (besides catching a tapeworm) is to grow my hair long.  And dye it super dark brown.  Just like Mr. OoT hates.  Which I will be doing next weekend.

 

Grandma vs The Spinner July 13, 2019

Soooooo, the two of you that have been reading my angsty bullshit for a while will know that I often use this blog to work through my feelings and try to figure things out. It’s cheaper than therapy and, more often than not, more effective.

I think I’ll call the money grubbing dipshit 4th of July date Krystal.  Why, you ask?  Well, because that’s her name.  While I am fully aware that none of what has happened is directly her fault and solely Mr. OoT’s, she’s a player in my drama nonetheless.

Krystal is a 35 year old mother of a young child who lives in a shitty town.  Even shittier than the town that Mr. OoT lives in.  From what I’ve read in her messages with Mr. OoT and via her Instagram page (seriously? you’re going to act surprised that I looked her up?), she’s not the brightest bulb on the strand.  She sounds like a bit of an idiot and has a job that anyone with 6 months to kill for training could have.  She doesn’t have 2 nickels to rub together and likes to end most her sentences with ‘lol’.

From what I gathered, although Mr. OoT isn’t wealthy by any means, to her, he would be.  And she would take him for every last cent he has. Over the course of the messages I snooped on she must have mentioned money (or lack thereof) at least 10 times.  Being as Mr. OoT thinks he needs buy people’s affections, he has sent her several gifts.  Including a pizza one night (when he was in another state) when she said she was hungry and didn’t have money for dinner. He’s too stupid (and male) to see the huge red flags. I’m torn between thinking that is the nicest thing ever or the weirdest.

None of this is the point of this post.  The point is this: why the hell would I be jealous of a 35 year old, penniless dipshit whose every profile photo on FB (what? that surprises you too?) is taken with a Snapchat filter? While I am by far heavier, older and certainly not a ‘spinner’ like she is I am also by far and away smarter, more successful, more self sufficient. more age appropriate with no kids and no need to use anyone for their money.  I’m well traveled, well educated and have my shit (mostly) together. Well, aside from dating that is……

I’ve always envied those women that could date someone that they were super into and NOT turn into a jealous wreck knowing they weren’t the only one in the mix.  The women that were confident that they would win out in the end.  Confident that they were the better choice.  Confident that however things turned out would be the right way for them to turn out. The women that could go out with girlfriends and have a blast knowing that the guy they were interested in was on a date with another woman.

While I was absolutely more confident in my younger days, I was never confident enough to believe that the men in my life would choose me in the end.  Is it that I wasn’t confident in myself or confident in them? Not sure. And, to clarify, I am not hoping to ‘win’ Mr. OoT in the end.  We’re done.  I would like to figure out why I can’t be more of a ‘If he’s the right one for me, I’ll know it”, if he’s the right one for me, regardless of how many other women he’s dating (I’m talking about in the initial stages, btw) I’ll just go with the flow and see how things turn out.

 

 

On This Day….. July 17, 2018

You know how FB sends you ‘memories’ from previous years? Some are amazing memories and bring a smile to my face. Some make me think and realize how things have changed. There’s the whole remembrance of outings with friends. Of good times had. Of evolutions made. Of changes in circumstances. Then again, once every blue moon you get a ‘memory’ that you wish they wouldn’t have sent. From eight years ago:

some jack-hole from match (yes, i know) just sent me this: “I’m not married by choice. Ur a 42 yo w-no kids never married. Lol
Very odd for a woman. You better work on yourself. Who d want advice from u. I just re looked@your pics. I saw them hours ago. No wonder I forgot them. What a AVE looking plain jane. Not enough booze in AZ for me to date u. I wouldn’t walk across the ST. to say hi to u ! Get over your extremely ave self. You’re somebodys 10. Lol. Your a 5-6 to me. I date8s. Commit to 9s. There’s not a plastic surgeon ,that can get u to a 7! Lol”

Uhm, what the fuck? I’m wracking my brain to try to remember this guy or what the circumstances were to deserve such an awesome message, but I can’t. And that’s probably a good thing.

Ahhh, online dating. How I love you so. Not.

NEVER LET ANYONE DEFINE YOUR SELF WORTH! This took me a looooong time to fully embrace. I’m pretty sure this message knocked me on my ass for a few days back then (and might actually still if I were to receive this message today). Looks are just looks. Superficial assholes are just superficial assholes. I can only hope that Karma has done it’s work on this idiot.

 

Drawers, Speeding Tickets, Parents & Time Lapses May 30, 2018

So I got the drawer.  He was uber cute about it.  To me, it’s just a drawer.  To him, it’s more of symbolic letterman’s jacket.  He’s admitted that he’s the ‘girl’ in the relationship and worries all the time about what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling, if I’m tired of him yet, etc….. Kinda endearing.  And kinda nice for me not to be the more neurotic of the two.  Kinda freaks me out though that he’s seemingly trying to fast forward whatever it is we have going on (more to come on this in another post as this one is already hodge podgey enough)

 

I met his parents this weekend.  Completely unplanned.  They invited us over for a BBQ on Monday.  Mr. OoT HATES his mother.  Apparently she was a horrible, horrible mom.  He’s not the only sibling to feel this way.  He refers to his mom as ‘his dad’s wife’ or the antichrist.  My mom was less than stellar so I get it.  He has nothing good to say about her.  I feel bad.  He loves his dad dearly though, so it’s a bit of a trade-off.  He warned me that his mom is passive aggressive and a bit of a hoarder.  She was actually fine.  A bit neurotic and awkward, but fine.  Even Mr. OoT said that she ‘kept her crazy tucked away pretty well.”  Anywhoo, I’m sure they loved me.  Everyone does.  HA!  I guess I’ll wait to hear what the report comes in as.  I think his hatred of his mom takes up a lot of space in his already overly crammed, never silent mind, so it would be great if he could find some sort of a middle ground.

 

Mr. OoT and I went to a hot springs on Monday evening.  It was okay.  I had grand ideas of how amazing sexy time would be in a private hot springs room.  Huh, not so much.  Firstly, trying to have sex in the water is a bit of a challenge (for many reasons).  Secondly, I guess I wanted the water temp a bit too high for my delicate flower of a man, so he was feeling a bit woozy.  He was SOOOO embarrassed.  I almost felt like shit.  Almost.  Oh well.

 

On the way back to his apartment, I was rewarded with a police car siren and flashing lights in my rear-view mirror.  Super, you can never have enough speeding tickets, right?  To be clear, I WAS speeding.  I usually do.  I like to get to where I’m going.  To also be clear, Mr. OoT HATES cops.  Probably as much as he hates his mother.  I could tell that he was getting all worked up, so I asked him to please not say anything when the policeman approached.  I was driving and it was my car after all.  The policeman came to the window and informed me that I was speeding.  I was polite and lied told him that I had my cruise control set at xx mph, so was confused.  Mr. OoT began to pop off and I had to shush him.  When the cop walked away to run my license, Mr. OoT began a litany of  reasons that cops suck.  I basically had to tell him to shut the fuck up; in a nice way, of course.  After the 3rd time of rewording my ‘shut the fuck up’, he finally did.  The cop let me off with a warning (to which I thanked him and Mr. OoT wasn’t happy that I did that) and we were on our merry way again.  It could have been worse.  I handled it well.  I was polite and respectful.  Mr. OoT was not.  I was pissed.  He could have gotten me (and himself) in a lot of trouble.  He is seemingly unable to harness his self righteous ideals about things when it comes to deciding the best way to handle a specific situation.  Concerning, to say the least.

 

All in all we had a fun 4 days.  I got home Tuesday morning.  It was a good time.  Although still being the flakey, bad memory having, peter pan (ish) guy that he always was, he’s also super sweet to me.  Stay tuned for the ‘fast forward’ and my impending (or not) freak out …………….