43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Deleted …. And, What Did You Just Ask Me? May 22, 2017

I deleted my last online profile.  Again.  I also waved goodbye to Bumble.  Yes, Again.  I have neither the time nor inclination to do the online dating ‘dance’ right now.  To give you an idea, here are the last 3 interactions I’ve had with online guys:

Bachelor #1: Hi, what are you doing tonight?

Me: Going to an outdoor concert with a group of friends, You?

Bachelor #1: I’m in Costa Rica.  Who are you going with?

Me: Oh, well you win!  I hope you’re having an amazing time.  I’m going with a group of friends that I go with every year.

Bachelor #1: Do I know any of them?

Me: What the fuck?! We’ve never met, how would I know?  Uhm, I have no clue if we have any friends in common

Bachelor #1: I know, LOL

end scene……….

Bachelor #2 is the one that I met last Monday.  He texts me Friday morning to see if I was in town this weekend, as I’ve been away the past 3 weekends.  I let him know that I actually AM in town this weekend!  And then nothing …….. nice.  The most annoying part is that, just for a millisecond, I allowed myself to get a little excited that he wanted to see me again.

Bachelor #3 texts me with ‘hello beautiful’ about every 3 days while making no effort or mention of ever actually meeting.  2 days ago he sent me a flower emoji.  Today he sent me a ‘thinking of you, Grey Goose’.  I will NEVER understand the ‘penpal’ mentality of so many people online.  If I want to text one liners with someone twice a week, I can do that with friends.  Why go on a dating site if you never want to meet?

So, for now, I will stick with getting my butt in gear for that big change that I mentioned a post or two ago and not worry about men.  Or boys, as the case may be….

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Don’t Ask What You Don’t Want To Know… May 17, 2017

I’ve long subscribed to this way of thinking.  Also known as ‘bury your head in the sand’.  I’ve almost perfected it.  Almost.  Not always the best way to go about (or not go about as the case may be) things.  On my never ending quest to evolve and stop being such a whiny baby, I am trying to be an adult about some thing.  Just some.  No need to panic.

Remember Repo Man?  The seemingly great guy from Bumble that I never actually met?  The one who started a ‘relationship’ with (aka, slept with her) the day before we were supposed to meet?  The one who checked in on me the entire time he was dating said train wreck?  The one who, when he broke up with said train wreck, told me that he wanted to meet but wasn’t quite ready yet?  The one who, when he was ready, and after several phone calls, proceeded to cancel our 2nd date due to his dad being sick never to be heard from again?  Yeah, that one.

It’s been bugging me as to what ever happened.  Yes, I know, but I am apparently no longer the gal that didn’t give a shit what guys thought and knew that if a guy passed me up, that it was his loss and not mine.  Damn.

As neither of us ever unmatched the other on Bumble, we could both see that the other was still on there.  He even changed his profile photo about a month ago. What?  He’s right there, on my home page!  Anywhoo, today is the day I figured I would ask.  Couldn’t hurt, right?  Yes, I know “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”.  I always kind of knew in the back of my mind that he was playing with me.  That I was his Plan B.  I joked about it, until I realized it was true. Oh.  Shit.

So I texted him today asking what ever happened.  And he told me.  And although I know full well that it had nothing to do with ‘me’, it still made me feel like shit.  He apologized for being a flake.  He apologized for not contacting me.  He apologized for not following through.  He claimed that he didn’t want to take me on the ‘roller coaster ride’ that he was on.  I LOVE roller coasters!  Well, not the emotional ones.

He has been ‘off and on’ with his ex.  The ex that I counseled him on.  The one that he said was thoughtless and self-centered, yet gorgeous.  The one that he absolutely didn’t see a future with.  You know the 1st fucked up thought that came to my mind when reading this?  Well, why wouldn’t he call me during one of his ‘off’ times?  How messed up is that?! I know full well that I should thank him for not dragging me into his indecision, but instead I wondered what it was about me that made him (and so many others) decide that I wasn’t even worth exploring? Damn, I hate days like this ……

 

 

I Think I’m Dating A 13 Year Old Girl May 16, 2017

No, not really, but I knew that would get your attention. 😉 As is my new MO when writing a post, I justify my absence as ‘nothing interesting going on’.  This time, however, I have not written in a while because I have A LOT going on.  Big changes are in the works.  BIG.  Not ready to divulge the details as of yet, so for now, I will update you on the average 49 year old’s adventures on Bumble.  I have 3, count ’em, 3 whopping bachelors to fill you in on.

As the universe, and several select big mouthed friends have suggested (and by suggested, I mean they full on insult me and think nothing of it), I need to expand my horizons when considering men.  As I’ve explained umpteen times before, I am open to all sorts of men.  Tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, cute ones, not so cute ones, quirky ones and just about every other option out there.  Oh, aside from incarcerated.  Or drug addicted.  Oh yeah, or smokers.  Sorry, not kissing an ashtray.  I really do care more about personality, kindness and intelligence more than looks.

Anywho, bachelor #1 is sweet as can be.  We have a lot of personality traits in common.  He’s smart and considerate and kind.  He also sends me at least one selfie a day.  Uhm, what?  I don’t understand that.  I don’t take, nor do I send, selfies.  As we’ve already met in person, I know what he looks like.  I can’t quite figure out the thought process behind this constant influx of selfies.  After the first couple, I responded with ‘cute’ or ‘love that shirt’.  After the 10th, I just don’t respond anymore.  It’s just weird.  I don’t know what to say.  They’re all PG, mind you, but still.  We met last Monday for cocktails and he was as cute and interesting in person as I expected him to be.  He was also every inch shorter than me that I feared.  As in six.  Six inches.  (*insert that’s what she said joke here) SIX INCHES shorter than I am.  Can’t do it.  He is almost literally half my size in every regard.  I hope he understood my ‘friend vibe’, but I fear he didn’t.  He even toasted to ‘new friends’ when we met.  That tells me he gets it.  The deluge of selfies and ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts however, does not.

Bachelor #2 I think I am going to opt out of meeting.  He too likes to send selfies.  He too is shorter than me (but only by 3 inches).  He also seems exceptionally self involved and keeps telling me how awesome a friend and person he is.  Okaaaaaay.  Contrary to popular belief, I do actually think the best of people until they prove me wrong.  I do feel that people that announce certain traits of theirs are a bit disingenuous.  Why would you announce that you’re not a player?  Why would you announce that you’re an amazing friend?  Why would you announce that you’re very protective of all your 437 female friends?  Maybe it’s just me, but I think those that feel the need to announce how amazing they are, usually aren’t.  We also have a mutual acquaintance in common.  He thinks she’s awesome.  I think she’s a complete shit-show.  I’m just not getting a good ‘feel’ for this one.

Bachelor #3 I met last night and he is every bit as handsome as I had hoped.  He’s also every bit of his 6’2″ height.  I’ll tell you more about this one as I figure it out! 🙂

 

Karma or Just Common Sense? March 10, 2017

Filed under: beach,bumble,dating,interent dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:50 pm

So, today is the day that *someone* decided that he just HAD to go to MY beachfront haven destination without 1) coordinating with me so that I could go at the same time or 2) asking me any sort of advice or tips (he’s not been in 10 years and I go twice a month).  As we all know, my inability to join him this weekend when he already well knew I needed to be in town earned me a 9 part ‘our schedules are just TOO conflicting’ break up text.

In direct contrast to my ‘norm’ of obsessing over it, blaming myself, trying to change his mind (yes, I’m just THAT pathetic sometimes) or sending a completely insincere “have a great weekend” text, I have done nothing.  None of the aforementioned things.  What I did do though, completely coincidentally, was to log into FB and see a post from someone stating that the wait times at the border are LONG.  As in more than an hour.  Which, of course, I would have warned him about as going on a Friday afternoon/evening is always a nightmare.

As he didn’t bother to ask my advice or opinion, he will be left to find out for himself.  And I couldn’t be happier about that.

 

I Think I Had A Good Time February 27, 2017

You’re welcome in advance for this not being a whiny post about my less than envious love life.  Can I really even call it a love life if I haven’t had any semblance of a relationship in uh, years?!  *cue sad music*

Anywho, this is a post about my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  Well, a post about what I can remember from my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  My friend and I are kind of in the same boat as far as guys go.  She’s at least had a couple short lived relationships in the past few years, but the guys always either ghost, flip out or turn into someone other than who they appeared to be.  She tries to slog through the wold of online dating as well.  We are both convinced that our bad luck in love at our advanced ages is Karma firmly kicking us in the ass for all the fun we had in our 20s.  Believe me, we had a LOT of fun back then.

Back to the beach.  We arrived on Thursday afternoon and immediately decided to start day drinking.  Bad decision #1.  Bad decision #2 was to make an exceptionally strong (and large) vodka soda.  Bad decision #3 was to decide, when I discovered that I forgot to bring lemons, to add an entire can of Mike’s Harder Lemonade to my already lighter-fluid-ish drink in order to get that lemon flavor.  Bad decision #4 was to then decide, after sucking that gross tasting concoction down (can’t waste perfectly good alcohol) that since it was technically National Margarita Day (that’s a thing, right?) to go to the restaurant on property to enjoy some 2 for 1 Margaritas.  Details after that are a little fuzzy.  As in I don’t really remember shit.  My friend did assure me that I didn’t make a complete ass of myself and that I was safely passed out on the couch without having embarrassed myself too much.  Passed out on the couch by 8:30pm.  Lovely.

The next couple of days included many many cocktails, a lobster-esque sunburn,  getting lost multiple times in a town that I should really be able to navigate by now and not a single solitary conversation with anyone of the opposite sex.  Well, that’s unless you include the short and sweet conversation we had with the ridiculously drunk and obnoxious husband of the wife teetering around on stiletto heals.  At the beach.  Oh, and by ‘short and sweet’ I of course mean ‘he was a ginormous idiot that I had to stop my friend from knocking out as he had absolutely NO filter when it came to what he thought was appropriate to say to complete strangers’.

Good times!

 

30 Hours February 22, 2017

Filed under: bumble,dating,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:24 pm

That’s how long it takes him to respond to a text.  On average.  Sometimes it’s a scant 6 hours, sometimes it’s up to 2 days.  30 hours.  A day and a quarter.  On average. Enough time to drive to a different state.  Or two.  Plenty of time to fly to Vegas and lose thousands of dollars.  Enough time to go on 2 mediocre internet dates.

I get that he has a career that requires his full attention and there is no time to check his phone or respond.  I get that he’s busy.  I know that he thinks about me as he’s told me so.  What I don’t get is why it takes him so long to respond.

Sure, he could be someone who prefers face to face communication.  Who isn’t?  I’m the same way.  But if we don’t see each other and he doesn’t call, text (or carrier pigeon) is about the only option left.  His texts are long and sweet but singular.  As in just one per day.  That one may come in 4 parts, but it’s still just one text.  Every 30 hours.

He sent me a sweet text the other day at 5am.  Regardless of the sender or content, who on earth appreciates a text alert wake up call 2 hours before they actually have to wake up?  Not me.  As I didn’t want to encourage more 5am text messages, I waited until 6:15am to respond and no, I didn’t make a snarky reference to the inappropriateness of sending a text at 5am.  So I replied at 6:15am.  His reply, in turn, arrived promptly at noon. THE NEXT DAY.

He sent me a flirty text on Saturday.  I didn’t really respond in kind.  I don’t think my ego could take sending a flirty text and then not getting a response until the next day…..

 

Patience Is Someone Else’s Virtue February 17, 2017

Patience is certainly NOT one of my virtues.  I’m all about instant gratification! That doesn’t mean I don’t work damn hard for the things I want, but it does mean that I have a hard time convincing myself that not everything moves along at the pace that I want it to.  Dating, in particular.  If I like someone, I expect for them to like me back (HA, we all know how well that has worked out for me in the past).  I expect them to keep in touch.  I expect, if there was a good date, that I will hear from them within the ‘3 day rule’.  I can’t stand ‘rules’.  I follow none of them.  I like to create my own.  Again, not to the most successful results.

I KNOW that not everyone thinks alike.  My god, can you imagine what a shit-show the world would be if we did?  Well, more so than it already is.  I KNOW that there are no rules.  I KNOW that people move at their own pace.  What I don’t know is why, why, why my mind always runs to the negative if I don’t hear from someone according to my timeline.  It’s so ridiculous and counter productive.  I truly believe in the pithy ‘put out into the universe what you want back’ and that ‘positivity begets positivity’.  My mind still wanders to the negative.  And not negative about the other person, mind you.  Negative about myself.  Along the lines of ‘what did I do wrong’, ‘why doesn’t he like me’ or any multitude of other self-destructive thoughts.

I’ve always been this way.  I wish I knew where it stemmed from.  I guess I’ll just blame my mother. 😉 And all the schmucks I went to high school with. Dumb fuckers

Anywhoo, I had that great date.  4 days ago.  And hadn’t heard from him since.  Of course I have annoyingly inevitably replayed the date in my mind a few hundred times trying to figure out what I did wrong.  Trying to figure out why he would walk me to my car and give me a kiss if he wasn’t interested.  Why he wouldn’t lock down another date right then and there.  I know full well that this is MY bullshit and not his.  He’s a good guy.  If he doesn’t like me, then it’s his loss (if I say it enough, I will believe it right).  That I WILL hear from him (if I say it enough, it will happen, right?).

After annoying myself trying to figure out what I did wrong and finally coming to the realization (kind of) that I did nothing wrong, that I was just being me and that if he doesn’t appreciate me with all my faults and ridiculousness, someone else will.  Who probably lives in another state, mind you, but whatever.  I swear it’s exhausting being me with my over thinking nature.

And then I get a text………..