Do Overs Are Allowed, Right? January 13, 2020

Nope, don’t throw your computer out the window.  I don’t mean with Mr. OoT.  After I wrote and posted my last entry I went back and re-read the whopping NINE posts I made in 2019.  All with varying degrees of ‘look what an idiot I am!’.  I promised I was done with Mr. OoT over and over again.  Yikes. Pretty pathetic.

I promised myself that I would start 2020 in a better place; not just geographically (because, duh, the beach) but mentally.  And I didn’t.  I let myself down.  Things had been ‘over’ for a while, I just didn’t want to admit it.  The last time I visited Mr. OoT (he bought a house towards the end of last year that I spent WAY too much time, energy and money helping fix up) pretty much illustrated how much my feelings had waned.  I was sick the week before and he was away working.  He would call and say how he wished he were there to take care of me. I said that would be awesome. He returned home and I was still sick.  Did he come take care of me like he said? No, of course not.  He was ‘busy’.  Whatever. We had agreed that when he was home that the dogs and I would come stay at his house in his town and we did.  Too bad that he was now sick.  I took care of him.  I cooked. I decorated.  I ran errands.  Know what else I did? I slept in the guest room.  Uhm…..

I don’t need a ‘buddy’.  I certainly don’t need a long distance friend. I figured I would stay in the guest room the 1st night only as Mr. OoT was coughing up a storm.  Nope. I stayed there all week.  Quite the roommate situation.  The 2nd night I was there we watched a movie on the couch.  When it was time for bed, we walked down the hall together and he kissed me on my forehead and stopped in front of the guest room door.  I said ‘really?’ He just chuckled, went into his room and shut the door. What the fuck?

Although it was the best sleep I’d ever gotten with him (he snores loud enough to wake the dead and gets up about a dozen times a night), this wasn’t what I signed up for.  When I really thought about it though, I wasn’t all that upset.  That’s when I knew we were over.  It dragged on a few more weeks and ended in the shit-show of a road trip and 1st week of the year. I dropped him off at the airport on January 7th, stayed in town to visit a few friends, and returned back to my beach haven 200lbs lighter on January 9th.

To walk into my beach haven and have it all to myself, free of negative energy and sadness was amazing.  This year I celebrated New Year’s on January 9th.  New year, new outlook, new attitude and new standards.  It is never okay to allow someone/anyone to talk to you like you’re a piece of shit.  That shit is reserved for my mother. 😉

Happy New Year!!!

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Just Like Ordering A Pizza July 16, 2019

I’ve used this analogy to describe the Male (and yes, female too) mindset of online dating. It also describes the mindset of daters in general.  Thinking you can pick and choose the traits (toppings) you want for your mate (such a lame term). Mr. OoT is no exception.  Sure, everyone has some idea of what they want, but to have a specific list is, IMHO, insane.

As we all realize that Mr. OoT may be a bit insane himself, he is super specific in what he likes. Oddly so.  Not in important qualities like education, ability to hold a conversation, good heartedness or anything else that I would put at the TOP of my list.  These qualities would go at the bottom of his.  While he knows that a ‘dumb’ girl wouldn’t be able to hold his attention due to his love of a good debate, I’m pretty sure this other list trumps that.  His list is of a different kind. Like down to footwear. He likes blondes. Blondes with bobbed hair cuts to be weirdly specific (and outdated). Blondes with bobbed hair cuts that wear sundresses. And Birkenstocks. And smoke weed (not the kind you find in my yard). For the record, and just to state the obvious, I am NONE of the above aside from being blonde.

The Spinner is all of the above. I know this from my super sleuthing. Down to the sundress. Specifically a really ugly one that she sent a photo of to Mr. OoT when he said he loved them. It was hanging on a clothesline in her backyard. Of course it was. *insert eye roll here*

I’m more edgy than hippie in my dress.  I prefer footwear that doesn’t look like I’ve been wearing them since the mid ’70s.  I hate sundresses.  You can’t wear a bra with them and they have super weird squared off necklines.  And they remind me of something a little girl would wear (sorry to all you sundress lovers out there, they’re just not for me).  My life’s ambition (besides catching a tapeworm) is to grow my hair long.  And dye it super dark brown.  Just like Mr. OoT hates.  Which I will be doing next weekend.

Alright, Alright One More February 20, 2018

Look, it’s not like I went trolling for him. He just appeared. He messaged me several months ago and was randomly telling me about an article he was reading that made him cry. Mmmmk. I don’t know what sort of response he was expecting from me, but I ended up telling him he was a tad too sensitive for me.

He apparently didn’t like that, so wanted to show me what a good guy he is by telling me about a family barbeque he went to with a girl he had gone out with once before. Uhm……. This was her family. Apparently all anyone did was argue so he ran around and played peacemaker. I told him I would have just run away. He got all butt hurt at that.

I haven’t heard from him since. As I was feeling blue tonight and more than a little disillusioned by my prospects, he timed his invite just right, so I agreed. Hah! I am meeting him at a bar I don’t like, 2 hours later than I usually meet, with a band that plays classic rock. As I am all about ’80s 1 hit wonder bands, this can’t end well…..

No clue why I do this…….

Fast Track, Part 2 February 9, 2018

Hey, I’m just as surprised as you are that there is a part 2 to this.   The recap of my date from last night will have to wait while I continue to overthink the offhanded comment made by my friend and proceed to write another annoyingly introspective post that isn’t in the least bit interesting or entertaining.  You’ve been warned.

For those of you that actually have a life and have not been with me since the beginning of this, what I hoped would be, short lived blog over the past 7 years (that honestly just hurt me to type that), here’s a quick recap of all things Grey Goose.

I was bullied as a kid (and I do NOT take that term lightly).  Up until junior year of high school I would cry almost daily.  I was the world’s biggest nerd in high school.  I sort of came into my own in college and had THE BEST TIME of my life.   I decided to tell everyone that made fun of me in the past to, quite literally, fuck off.  I was fun and flirty and skinny and pretty and snarky and had a bazillion friends and ‘friends’.  I never worried about guys.  I lived my life like a guy.  I was the love them and leave them one.  I never obsessed.  I never fixated.  Then I grew up.  Damn.

I’ve had several long term relationships in my life.  Most of them were not, upon looking back, good ones.  They all chipped away at ‘me’ and I allowed it.  Somewhere along the way I began to believe what they told me instead of what I knew to be true. Boo.

It hasn’t been since my 20s that I have met and dated men ‘organically’.  It’s been a very long time since a handsome man sidled up next to me at a bar, or on the street and struck up a conversation.  Okay, well, to be honest, I’ve been told that men were hitting on me but for some unknown reason, I am incapable of picking up on clues.  I honestly have no idea how many terrific, or not so terrific, men I could have gotten to know if I’d only paid attention.

I have never been called ‘cute’.  I have been called beautiful.  I always wanted to be cute, damn it.  It’s not about looks.  I’ve been skinny.  I’ve had a killer body.  I’ve been fat.  I’ve been in between.  It’s not about weight.  I have a quirky style of dress.  Fun, funky, flirty and age appropriate.  It’s not about that.  I have a pretty good personality.  I’m still fun and funny, smart and good hearted.  I sometimes forget this part.

I have been self employed for more than 20 years.  There was no office in which to meet and mingle.  So weird.  Online dating is a bit of a ‘necessary evil’ I feel.  I don’t hang out in bars anymore.  I don’t frequent singles events.  I don’t hang out in the frozen food section of my local grocery store waiting to shove my shopping cart into that of a handsome stranger.  This is how I know to meet people.

I look around and see all types of people from all walks of life coupled up.  At times I let this sadden me but, by and large, I use it as an example that there is truly someone for everyone.  I honestly believe that.  I just don’t know how to go about meeting mine.  Now, before anyone opts to blurt out that amazingly infuriating ‘you’ll meet him when you’re not looking’, I think that is a huge load of bullshit and I think it’s a f*ing smug thing to say.  I do go about my life.  I do take chances.  I do things that I like without the thought of ‘I hope I meet a guy doing this’.

My date last night asked me, after listening to me tell him about where I am in life and what my plans are for the future, ‘well, where does a man fit into all of this’ and for the life of me I couldn’t answer.  No one has ever asked me this before.  I guess I always assumed that when I met the right man, things would just ‘fit’.  Fast track or not, I’m apparently as confused as ever …………. super

 

Fast Track February 8, 2018

Not sure what this phrase even means.  I guess it’s up for interpretation.  To me it means getting to point B from point A as fast as possible.  To me it implies taking shortcuts and not really valuing the quality of the ‘route’ but just trying to accomplish something as fast as possible.  Mistakes and shoddy quality be damned.

You can imagine the look I gave my friend as we sat at happy hour on Monday with a mutual friend who is married.  We were regaling her with our stories of online dating.  My friend, who is my Bumble compatriot, says ‘yeah, Grey is on the fast track’.  Wasn’t quite sure how to take that.  Of course my 1st inclination was to be offended.  And I sort of was.

Is that what I’m doing by being on several dating sites at once and going on more than the average number of dates?  I never thought of it as ‘fast tracking’ (proven my 7 years, give or take, of online dating – thus, the blog).  I think of it more as a game of numbers.  And by game, I of course mean a lengthy and soul crushing journey to find the bright shinny penny in the piles of garbage.  Yes, there’s someone for everyone.  My someone just seems to be hiding.  Either that or I’ve already met him and scared him off.  Yikes. That thought scares the hell out of me.  I’ll choose to go with the hiding theory.

I am currently on Bumble, Plenty of Fish & Tinder.  I have several pen pals on Tinder.  I’ve yet to meet anyone off of there.  I’m still on the fence as to whether it’s a hookup site or not.  Plenty of Fish provided NYE date and several unsuitable dates.  Bumble is just kind of ‘meh’.  I did remember another phone based dating app called ‘Coffee Meets Bagel’ that I downloaded last weekend and which has provided me with 2 matches so far.  1 I met last night and 1 is currently annoying the hell out of me with text messages.  I never activated my ‘Our Time’ profile, so that doesn’t count.  So let’s see, I’m on 4 apps right now.

Is that too many?  I honestly don’t think it is or that I’m fast tracking anything.  Do I want to meet someone?  Hell yes!  Am I willing to settle?  Uhm, no.  Do I get attached MUCH too quickly to men that I don’t yet really know?  Sadly, yes, but it happens very rarely as I usually swing towards the other end of the spectrum and don’t feel a connection with most.  Am I okay being alone?  Well, my friends, that is the true question.  And I don’t really have an answer for that these days.

So here are the facts: She’s on one site and has had met 1 man this year.  I’m on four sites and have met 8.  We’re both still single.  Who’s way is right? As we all know my favorite thing in the universe to do is to overthink things (2018 resolutions be damned), she now has me wondering …….

 

****edited to add: before all the haters out there bash me for being ‘too picky’, I assure you, I’m not.  While I don’t have one of those dreaded ‘lists’ that I expect men to meet, I DO expect to feel the slightest desire to kiss or be kissed by one of them****go about your days now ❤

 

Hi There February 7, 2017

So I was supposed to meet ‘Hi’ on Thursday for what he didn’t specifically say, but I assumed was to be dinner.  As part of my ‘stop trying to manage dates’ campaign of 2017, instead of trying to steer it to just drinks, I said okay.  A girl’s gotta eat. 😉 He has checked in most days since the date was set with either a ‘hi’ (his trademark, ya’ know), a ‘how’s your day’ or a ‘good morning’.  Very sweet.  Oddly enough, his ‘good morning’ texts usually come in between noon and 1pm.  Er, technically not morning but whatever.

He messaged me today saying he couldn’t wait to meet me!  Again, so very sweet.  He then asked if I could meet tonight instead of Thursday.  I figured why not.  While still not able to get excited about the date, I was so hoping to be pleasantly surprised.  I followed all my new best friend’s/psychic’s advice on being positive and manifesting good things.

Well, let’s just call this a trial run.  I put on a cute outfit and arrived at the restaurant.  As I was early, I was waiting outside playing a rousing game of Words With Friends when he walked up.  Great big smile, shorter than me and several years older than his profile photos depicted.  He was SO nice, but the conversation was SO stilted and awkward I just couldn’t ‘connect’ with him.  To be honest, I wasn’t trying very hard, but then again, I don’t think you should have to try hard for it to happen.

We had a great dinner and he picked up the bill which was very nice (again, my new best friend/psychic/dating coach told me to stop offering to pay or split the check).  He walked me to my car and gave me a hug.

Odd things about our date:

1. He grabbed my hand right away
2. He then high fived me (what?)
3. Then I got a fist bump
4. Then he invited himself to my vacation property – WITH ME!
5. Then, for whatever reason we were talking about taxes (shush, it just came up) and he asked me if I usually get a refund or have to pay
6. He played with my hair
7. He invited me to go to the mountains with him in his RV
8. He was apparently interested in the Fitbit I was wearing, but instead of asking about it, he just reached across me and grabbed my wrist! Mind you, we weren’t even talking about it, he just randomly did this.

Now, we all know that if I was into the guy, a few of these things wouldn’t have been so odd/annoying, but as I wasn’t, WTF?  We also know that if I’m not really ‘feeling’ a date (although he felt me several times!), I will try to make myself be the opposite of what he says he likes.  If he likes Rock, I say I like bee-bop music.  If he says he loves sci-fi, I say I hate it.  If he likes to vacation in an RV, I say I prefer hotels.  In this instance, however, I didn’t need to do any of that as we naturally seem to be polar opposites with absolutely nothing in common.

I feel bad about this one.  He is a nice guy and really wants to find someone, but I’m just not her.  I wish I knew someone for him ……

Social Experiment January 12, 2017

Yes, I’ve decided to conduct another one of my uber scientific social experiments.  And by uber scientific, I of course mean half-assed and not scientific in the least.  Don’t get too excited, it’s nothing like my less than brilliant idea to cram as many dates as possible into 1 week which ended in an exhausting carousel of 6 disappointing 1st dates in a 7 day time span.

This experiment happened more by chance than planning and it all started on new year’s day eve.  As I was hanging at my amazing vacation getaway and being surprisingly okay with just having celebrated yet another single new years (which I’ve since decided that I’m not actually all that okay with being single), I remembered something.  Something that I had thought about doing every year, right around new years.  Something that I never actually pulled the trigger on.  Something that I finally decided couldn’t be ‘that bad’, could it?  Famous last words.

I’m a 5’10” blonde woman.  That’s my identifier.  Well, besides my sparkling personality and quick wit.  I have a bit of grey, but it truly shows as highlights in my blonde hair and not grey.  I have a big chunky section of ‘grey’ that looks like a very cool and completely intentional highlight.  It’s not.  And I don’t care.  It never bothered me and still doesn’t.  It doesn’t look ‘grey’.  I don’t look old.  As a matter of fact, I’ve been told many times that I look nowhere near my age.  I choose to believe these nice comments as not one of the people was trying to sleep with me.  And really, even if they were lying, it’s still nice to hear.

So back to new years day eve.  Me, my dogs, my ocean view and ……… a very awesome looking box of ‘deep burgundy’ hair color.  What could go wrong with me dying my blonde hair to ‘deep burgundy’?  On my own, after a few cocktails.  So I did it.  I died my hair to this luscious looking shade of burgundy.  Or at least that’s how it looked on the box.  On me, well, not so much.  It’s more red than burgundy and more ‘look at me’ than subtle.  Eh, whatever.

Let’s see how long this lasts.  Even better, lets see if blondes DO have more fun than my red headed alter ego.  Being as I have set the bar fairly low the past couple of years, there’s a good chance that my ginger-self will win!  Stay tuned……