43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

He Made The Flight January 13, 2019

I KNOW! I’m just as surprised as everyone else! His flight to come visit me left at 6am.  2 hours from his home.  We all know how Mr. OoT loves to sleep.  When I found out that he was planning on NOT driving to the town the airport was in the night prior and staying in a hotel nearby and was instead planning on waking up at 2am and being on the road by 2:30am I instinctively knew he wouldn’t make the flight.  Much to my surprise and delight, he did!

 

He and his 15 year old son arrived to my 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom condo on the beach right on schedule.  To say it was cozy would be an understatement.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had feared though.  They were both respectful of their messes (they’re boys, after all) and even managed to put the toilet seat down almost ever time.  Besides stupidity, being late and a complete lack of patience for repeating myself, leaving the toilet seat up is pretty darn high on my list of pet peeves.

 

We had fun.  We ate some great food, bought every single Mexican blanket we could find and, after discovering that there’s a weird lack of pure vanilla extract in the states, bought up all we could find here so Mr. OoT could gift it to his sisters.  After their 6 day visit, I drove them 4 hours to the airport and overnighted in what turned out to be THE scariest hotel I could find.  I guess my sense of cheapness for paying for things that aren’t important needs to be shifted to include clean & safe hotels in non drug addled areas of town.  Go figure.

 

Mr. Oot is back at work and we talk multiple times a day.  He’s making changes.  Good ones.  While we’ll apparently always be polar opposites when it comes to anything religious, evolutionary or drug related, we are finding more ‘safe’ grounds and finally, after almost a year (holy shit, who thought it would last this long?), letting our walls down.  A little.  Any progress is still progress, right?

 

He’ll fly back down in about 5 weeks to help me pack up and drive the 1,200 miles home.  Sorry for being MIA.  My days here pretty much consist of sand, sun, seashells and sleeping in.  Who wants to hear about that? 😉

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And So It Begins November 22, 2018

Yesterday I arrived, after a brutal 16 hour drive, complete with a car packed to the gils, my beloved doggie and a full bladder to my sister’s house.  When I left my home, at the lovely hour of 5am it was 23 degrees.  Upon arrival to my sister’s, it was 72 degrees.

 

I am headed to the beach on Monday.  I have a wedding to go to today and plans to see friends tomorrow.

 

You all don’t really care about that now, do you?  You’re here to read about how my last visit with Mr. OoT went.  He visited for 2 days.  It was a good visit.  He helped me get the house in order and offered to help with several other things (that he mysteriously ended up sleeping through).  Mr. OoT needs explicit instruction and a bit of prodding to actually accomplish anything that he has promised.  His intentions are good.  His follow through needs a bit of help.

 

Day one we puttered around the house.  Did tons of yard work, checked gutters, changed light bulbs, cleared out the crawl space.  You know, romantic stuff.  I made us dinner and then we sat in the back yard, all bundled up, by my fire pit.  Now the ‘idea’ of a fire pit on a cold night is much better than the actuality of one.  Maybe it was the sad singular duraflame log that I used, but still.

 

Day 2 we ran a few errands and then had a proper date night.  Happy hour (my FAVORITE hour) and a movie.  We wandered around a cute upscale shopping area and had a kind stranger take some cute pics of us.  Mr. OoT doesn’t drink.  He has always said he doesn’t mind if I do.  He has been sober since the age of 19.  We only go to happy hours at nice restaurants.  Places that don’t feel like a ‘bar’.  The place we went has amazing food and an indoor fireplace feature.  We sat by there and enjoyed some yummy food and great service.  I would never even think of taking Mr. OoT to a bar-bar.  You know, one complete with pool tables, the aroma of stale beer and a bunch a drunks.  I specifically choose places, on the rare occassion that we go, that are restaurant type places.  He says it felt an awful lot like a ‘bar’.  No clue what he’s talking about.  I think he doesn’t realize how often he minimizes the effort I put into making sure he’s okay with things.  Boo.

 

Day 3, we went out to breakfast before he left.  It was an interesting good bye.  We both try super hard to not let the other know how we’re feeling.  Kinda weird since he used to be overly effusive about that shit.  I told him that I’d miss him.  Probably more than I wished I would.  He said he’d miss me too.  Kind of.  I know he was kidding and that he will absolutely miss me a lot, but he refuses to just tell me without some shitty addition to the sentiment.

 

 

 

Canine Conundrums October 29, 2018

So, remember how I was so pissed at Mr. OoT for allowing me all of ONE day to come see me?  How he said he was planning on coming up on Saturday and heading back home on Sunday? How he said he ‘wished’ he could spend more time? How he said he couldn’t because of his son and school?  Turns out all these things are true.  Want to know what else is true?  That as soon as I heard him say these things I got pissed.  I sort of shut down and got all self righteous.

 

My days of introspection are few and far between lately yet still alive and well.  My days of knowing that there are probably better ways of dealing with things other than shutting down and acting like a child are always in the background.  That I need to approach things from a place of positivity rather than one of negativity.  Yet I don’t employ other means often.  I kind of hate that my default is to get all butt hurt and pissy.

 

I had the brilliant idea of broaching the topic of Mr. OoT’s visit again a few days ago.  This time, when he said he was planning on coming up on Saturday and leaving on Sunday, instead of getting offended and shutting down I said that I’d like him to consider staying longer.  That although I love his son, that since I was about to leave for 3 months and that this would be the last time we’d get to see each other for a while, that he might consider leaving him at home and staying a bit longer.  That he’d have a whole other entire week to spend with him before he went back to work and then 3 months of son-time while I was away.  I got the oddest response.  He agreed.  He even sounded excited.  He said that since he wasn’t going to bring his son, that it didn’t even need to be a weekend that he came to see me.  That he would now come Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday.  Three whole days!

 

Who knew?  I should.  I should know and remember that not everyone’s mind works the same way as mine.  That things that seem so blatantly obvious to me don’t necessarily occur to others.  That for all the times that I bash Mr. OoT for having a strange way of interpreting things and assuming that everyone’s minds work the same way as his, that I do the exact same thing.  Super strange realization for me.  I should know better.

 

So now, instead of only 1 night here with his son in tow, there will be 3 child free nights.  We’ve already discussed plans.  Day 1 will be for his ‘honey do’ list on things I need help with around the house and I will make us dinner (he loves when I cook).  Day 2 will be lazy and then date night with dinner and a movie that night.  (I told him he could choose the movie ….. god help me).  Day 3 will be who knows what?  I’m looking forward to it though.

 

It’s damn hard to teach old dogs new tricks…..pleasant, patient and gently persuasive is MUCH more effective than butt hurt and pouty.  I need to try to remember that ……

 

Vacation, Car Rides & Realizations September 14, 2018

Filed under: aura,bad dates,dating,dinner out,internet dating,karma,Mr. OoT,online dating,texting,vacation — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:40 am

Without going into all the details, our time away was not all that I had hoped.  We were both at fault.  I tried telling him the 1st night that I felt that we weren’t connecting and that I was feeling completely distant.  That proved to be true and he was feeling the same way.  We still had an okay time (could I sound less enthused?) and had some amazing ‘bike rides’, but I was completely checked out and he was too.  It kind of sucked.  A lot.

 

On our drive back to his place on Friday, we broke up.  To be more precise, we both said completely shitty things to each other in nasty tones of voice.  In a car.  It was ridiculous.  I had gone into the weekend  prepared to end it.  Relationships shouldn’t be this difficult and I felt like I was doing all the work.  His bullshit and my bullshit just don’t mesh.  His non-negotiables are completely asinine to me.  Mine are equally as ridiculous to him.  We’re just different people and apparently we had both been waiting for the other to change.

 

He had been harboring a few things from over a month ago that he never told me about.  They’ve just been festering and growing in his head.  I’ve been resentful as hell about a lot of things.  We layed it ALL on the table and once we were done saying incredibly hurtful things to each other we talked.  We really talked.  We have had super long conversations in the past, but this time we went over everything.  As neither of us had anything to lose, why not?

 

As I’ve said before, his brain works in a completely different way than mine does.  I”m logical and usually have a memory like an elephant.  I never forget.  Unless, of course, my senility is kicking in that day/week/month in which case I can barely remember my own name.  He remembers things disjointedly (if at all).  He attributes things that I NEVER said to things I said.  He remembers conversations that were never had.  He projects things onto me that past girlfriends had done.  It’s weird.  I get it now though.  I see through his bullshit and realize that he is a self sabotager just like I am.  Dangerous combination.

 

He asked if we could be friends.  He promised he would be there for me if I ever needed him.  I said no.  I had no desire to be friends and I highly doubted if I could actually count on him for anything.  Apparently that hit the mark.  He proceeded to tell me things that I’ve been waiting to hear for months.  He shared a level of self-awareness that I had no clue he possessed.  We talked for hours.

 

I ended up staying the night instead of doing the additional 2 hour drive to my house after such an emotionally exhausting day.  He went over to a friend’s house who was going through a difficult time and I took Mr. OoT’s son out to dinner.  When he returned, there was no physical contact (my choice as I slept in my clothes).  We got a lot done the next morning.  More than we ever had before.  He woke up early and brought me coffee in bed.  We problem solved.  We ran errands.  We talked some more.  We laughed.  I left later that day and gave him a hug and said goodbye.

 

He showed up on my doorstep 2 days later.  To be more accurate, he showed up at a little pool party that I was at that I had mentioned in passing 3 days prior.  He met a couple of my friends.  It was a nice surprise.  I was happy to see him.  He helped me at my house with all the things that he has been promising to help me with for months.  The sheer fact that he actually drove the 2 hours to come see me, after my telling him how hurtful it was that he never wanted to do the drive and was only seemingly happy to spend time with me when I uprooted my life and went to him was kind of awesome.  He did all the things I’d been hoping he would.  More than the yard work and handyman fixes was the fact that he sat me down and said how sorry he was.  That he had no idea how hurt I was.  That he would try harder to be the man I deserve.  That I AM worth the 2 hour drive.  The fact alone that he actually uttered the words ‘I’m sorry’ was pretty impressive for him.

 

May sound silly, but it kind of meant a lot.  I have no expectations going forward.  I will not put in any more effort than he does.  It was just a really nice visit.  Short, but nice.  And he’s been super good about staying in touch (I think we’re up to 3 phone calls so far today).  It just seems like this time around, we’ve both stopped pressuring ourselves to make things more than they are…..

 

 

 

All In The Family July 11, 2018

So my sister came to visit last week. My condescending, judgemental, entitled twin sister. And her husband. Things go one of 2 ways when we get together. Really well or really not. They were here for 4 days.

Mr. OoT left my house around 1pm last Friday. My sister and brother in law arrived at 3:15pm. They opted not to rent a car and told me (not asked me) that I would be picking them up from the airport and driving them everywhere. Uhm, okay. At least they got an Air BnB near my house. I had offered my guest room, but they prefer their own place. Thank god for small miracles.

Anywhoo, we went directly from the airport to happy hour. Duh. That’s just how my family rolls. I had the whole itinerary for their stay worked out. In addition to being lushes, my family are all planners (kinda why Mr. OoT’s inability to plan ahead drives me insane). There were several happy hours, white water rafting, farmer’s markets and chit chat on the itinerary. Oh, and dinner and a comedy show with Mr. OoT, his son and my bff. Yikes.

I don’t think my sister, or anyone in my family, has ever actually met anyone I’m dating. It’s just not my thing. I find it best to keep anyone I might be interested in away from family. To the best of their knowledge I’ve only dated 2 men in my 50 years. Ha.

Now, I had warned my sister that Mr. OoT is a bit rough around the edges. That he’s an opinionated libertarian alien believing creationist and a lover of all things weed related. Oh, and he doesn’t drink. And we do. A lot. I was waiting for some sort of fiasco to occur. None did. Dinner prior to the show lasted for 3 laughter filled hours. Mr. OoT seemed a bit subdued and his son looked like he wanted to kill himself, but I’ll chalk that up to being nervous (and was a bit thankful for that).

During dinner, my twin sister asked Mr. OoT if he had anything planned for my upcoming birthday and he said yes! A weekend away. Now, as he had previously asked me SPECIFICALLY if I would prefer a cabin in the woods or a hotel in the city (duh, the hotel of course), I was certain of his response when my sister asked where. You can imagine my surprise when he proudly announced we would be going to a cabin in the woods. What. The. Fuck. I thought he was kidding. He wasn’t. My sister set him straight on the fact that the words ‘a cabin in the woods’ was a phrase that I had never uttered. Poor Mr. OoT was positive that’s what I had said. Like truly positive and was so proud of himself for remembering correctly.

Needless to say a conversation was had later that evening (in between some amazing bedroom shenanigans) regarding just how scary bad his memory is and that, when he inevitably said it wasn’t, I then told him that he must just be a complete narcissist as he never remembers what I say and always projects what he wants (i.e. a cabin in the woods). It was a calm conversation and actually seemed to hit home. I honestly think it scared him a little to be so certain about something that never happened.

Anywho, the comedy show after dinner was meh, but all in all, it went well. So well that we all planned to ‘do brunch’ the next morning since Mr. OoT and his son were staying over. For whatever reason, Mr. OoT finds the fact that we ‘brunch’ super funny and ‘fancy’ (helped along, no doubt, by my preference of hotels and maid service over woodsy cabins and doing my own cooking when given the choice).

Brunch was great fun. Everyone was much more relaxed and showed who they were. I was a clutz and fell off the curb. My sister and brother in law asked several offensive questions. Mr. OoT vaped and rambled on about disc golf. His son played on his phone. No great surprise.

After brunch we took Mr. OoT’s son back to my house to do whatever 15 year old boys do. Oh, ewww, no, let’s hope that’s not what he did while we were gone…. The rest of us took the dogs for a walk along the river. And I face-planted. No, really, I did. Kind of like a slow motion cartoon style fall. Not embarassing at all. I’m just that uncoordinated.

Mr. OoT and son left after our walk to head back to their town. My sister’s visit lasted for another day and a half. I must say, I enjoyed it. I’m not quite sure that they love Mr. OoT for me, but they saw how much he likes me and were impressed that he’s very open about showing it.

I know he was trying. Really hard. He was nervous to meet them and although he knows they liked him, he is convinced that they’d rather see me with an accountant. Uhm, okay.

It wasn’t nearly as awkward or horrible as I had feared. At least it is out of the way, no one cried and aside from my sister full on linebackering my brother in law out of the raft in the middle of a class 4 rapid, there were no injuries (he was fine, but it was damn funny).

Next up, exactly 4 hours after dropping my sister and BIL at the airport for their flight back home I loaded up my dog and headed to Mr. OoT’s town to meet his family. Parents (who I had already met), 1 brother & 1 sister who I had already met as well, his favorite sister from another state, her 3 adult-ish kids, Mr. OoT’s married daughter and grandson (who, incidentally, were staying with Mr. OoT’s ex girlfriend) and some other assorted nieces and nephews. No pressure, right? Here’s a fun fact about me: I can talk to anyone one on one. Put me in a group of new people (much less a big family with me being odd man out) and I turn into a socially awkward nimrod. Good times ahead…..

 

Shuttle Service July 9, 2018

Oh hell. I owe a bunch of updates. Vacation ended. Sister came to town. Mr. OoT had his family reunion. Such a busy past 8 days. As I don’t want to spoil the fun filled suspense, I’ll meter out my updates. You’re welcome.

I got back from my Mexico vacay 10 days ago. Mr. OoT had promised to pick me up at the airport, 2 hours from his town, at 11:30pm. I was less than positive that he’d actually be there. I spent most of the last leg of my flight preparing myself for it and pep talking myself into not being mad/disappointed/sad when I walked past security to see a bunch of strangers. Much to my surprise delight, he was there!! And it was good to see him. Although I was still more than a bit pissed about the whole stranded on the side of a Mexican highway thing and his seeming lack of concern, I let it go. Kind of.

I did end up asking him about it and letting him know how disappointed I was. He explained his viewpoint. His completely fucked up and ridiculous interpretation of my text, but his reaction (or lack thereof) made sense. If you’re a moron. Or male. He thought, heaven knows why, that I was sitting in an air conditioned shuttle bus on the side of the road awaiting a new tire. Uhm, no. No, that’s not what happened at all. Anyway, and regardless of his ‘vision’, I explained that by his not checking in with me, it appeared as if he didn’t care. He responded, in the true spirit of maleness, that although he was concerned, there was nothing he could do to help and he didn’t think sending a ‘hope you’re not dead’ text would be helpful. Or appreciated. Couldn’t really argue with that.

He proceeded to stay for the next 2 nights at my house. And it was kinda awesome. I much prefer my house to his apartment (shhhhh, don’t tell). This was the 1st time he’d stayed over, much less come to my town, since date #1. I regaled him with all the awesomeness that is my town in the summer. The outdoor free concerts 3 times a week. The most amazing farmer’s market ever. The beautiful parks and ponds. I truly live in a killer town. He does not (again, shhhhhh). He drove back to his town late on a Friday afternoon only to turn back around the next day and come back to catch a comedy show. And meet my best friend. And my twin sister……..

 

Were There Men Even On Board? May 24, 2018

So. Much. Fun. So. Many. Cocktails. Got back Sunday from my 3 day whirlwind cruise. So glad I went. Even though the ‘jr suite’ that I shared with 2 friends was more like a ‘not so much jr suite’ and I slept on this odd folded out futon like couch thing (diagonally, might I add as it was uber short and I am not), I had a blast.

There were 13 of us in all. And about 6 of that 13 were all about the drama. Tears, tantrums and rudeness included. I successfully avoided it all. And spent most of my time at the bar. Every bar. My ‘core group’ all got the ‘unlimited drinks’ package and, as it’s not really unlimited and is instead limited to 15 drinks per day (boo Carnival), it was an unwritten agreement to try and reach our limit each day. #lifegoals. Sadly, and surprisingly considering we started drinking at 9am each day, I never actually hit 15. Apparently I’m lame. Or just a cheaper date than I used to be.

The laughter was plentiful, the drinks strong, the re-bonding of friendships awesome. The only thing that could have made the experience better would be an in board hook up. Sorry friends, I broke my vacation fling streak.

There weren’t many cute singles on board. There were lots of younger men with ironic man buns though. No thank you. I heard, on night #1 that there was a group of age appropriate hotties spotted in the dining room, but I was not alerted. Damn greedy bitches. I do think I spotted them the next night when they all walked past me on formal night. They were every bit as attractive as I’d heard. There was even a tall nerdy one with glasses just for me. Sadly, and inexplicably, my inner social retard took over and instead of making eye contact when he looked directly at me and smiled, I looked at the ground. WTF?!?! I have no clue what happened. I would normally switch directions and follow them (is it really stalking if it’s just me?), but I totally drew a blank and brain farted on what little game I have left. Eh, oh well, at least they were pretty to look at, however briefly.

I am back home, missing my friends terribly, still awaiting my room service coffee to be delivered to my room and, for some strange reason, am unable to locate the buffet. Damn reality….