43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

I Think I’m Dating A 13 Year Old Girl May 16, 2017

No, not really, but I knew that would get your attention. 😉 As is my new MO when writing a post, I justify my absence as ‘nothing interesting going on’.  This time, however, I have not written in a while because I have A LOT going on.  Big changes are in the works.  BIG.  Not ready to divulge the details as of yet, so for now, I will update you on the average 49 year old’s adventures on Bumble.  I have 3, count ’em, 3 whopping bachelors to fill you in on.

As the universe, and several select big mouthed friends have suggested (and by suggested, I mean they full on insult me and think nothing of it), I need to expand my horizons when considering men.  As I’ve explained umpteen times before, I am open to all sorts of men.  Tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, cute ones, not so cute ones, quirky ones and just about every other option out there.  Oh, aside from incarcerated.  Or drug addicted.  Oh yeah, or smokers.  Sorry, not kissing an ashtray.  I really do care more about personality, kindness and intelligence more than looks.

Anywho, bachelor #1 is sweet as can be.  We have a lot of personality traits in common.  He’s smart and considerate and kind.  He also sends me at least one selfie a day.  Uhm, what?  I don’t understand that.  I don’t take, nor do I send, selfies.  As we’ve already met in person, I know what he looks like.  I can’t quite figure out the thought process behind this constant influx of selfies.  After the first couple, I responded with ‘cute’ or ‘love that shirt’.  After the 10th, I just don’t respond anymore.  It’s just weird.  I don’t know what to say.  They’re all PG, mind you, but still.  We met last Monday for cocktails and he was as cute and interesting in person as I expected him to be.  He was also every inch shorter than me that I feared.  As in six.  Six inches.  (*insert that’s what she said joke here) SIX INCHES shorter than I am.  Can’t do it.  He is almost literally half my size in every regard.  I hope he understood my ‘friend vibe’, but I fear he didn’t.  He even toasted to ‘new friends’ when we met.  That tells me he gets it.  The deluge of selfies and ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts however, does not.

Bachelor #2 I think I am going to opt out of meeting.  He too likes to send selfies.  He too is shorter than me (but only by 3 inches).  He also seems exceptionally self involved and keeps telling me how awesome a friend and person he is.  Okaaaaaay.  Contrary to popular belief, I do actually think the best of people until they prove me wrong.  I do feel that people that announce certain traits of theirs are a bit disingenuous.  Why would you announce that you’re not a player?  Why would you announce that you’re an amazing friend?  Why would you announce that you’re very protective of all your 437 female friends?  Maybe it’s just me, but I think those that feel the need to announce how amazing they are, usually aren’t.  We also have a mutual acquaintance in common.  He thinks she’s awesome.  I think she’s a complete shit-show.  I’m just not getting a good ‘feel’ for this one.

Bachelor #3 I met last night and he is every bit as handsome as I had hoped.  He’s also every bit of his 6’2″ height.  I’ll tell you more about this one as I figure it out! 🙂

 

I Think I Had A Good Time February 27, 2017

You’re welcome in advance for this not being a whiny post about my less than envious love life.  Can I really even call it a love life if I haven’t had any semblance of a relationship in uh, years?!  *cue sad music*

Anywho, this is a post about my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  Well, a post about what I can remember from my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  My friend and I are kind of in the same boat as far as guys go.  She’s at least had a couple short lived relationships in the past few years, but the guys always either ghost, flip out or turn into someone other than who they appeared to be.  She tries to slog through the wold of online dating as well.  We are both convinced that our bad luck in love at our advanced ages is Karma firmly kicking us in the ass for all the fun we had in our 20s.  Believe me, we had a LOT of fun back then.

Back to the beach.  We arrived on Thursday afternoon and immediately decided to start day drinking.  Bad decision #1.  Bad decision #2 was to make an exceptionally strong (and large) vodka soda.  Bad decision #3 was to decide, when I discovered that I forgot to bring lemons, to add an entire can of Mike’s Harder Lemonade to my already lighter-fluid-ish drink in order to get that lemon flavor.  Bad decision #4 was to then decide, after sucking that gross tasting concoction down (can’t waste perfectly good alcohol) that since it was technically National Margarita Day (that’s a thing, right?) to go to the restaurant on property to enjoy some 2 for 1 Margaritas.  Details after that are a little fuzzy.  As in I don’t really remember shit.  My friend did assure me that I didn’t make a complete ass of myself and that I was safely passed out on the couch without having embarrassed myself too much.  Passed out on the couch by 8:30pm.  Lovely.

The next couple of days included many many cocktails, a lobster-esque sunburn,  getting lost multiple times in a town that I should really be able to navigate by now and not a single solitary conversation with anyone of the opposite sex.  Well, that’s unless you include the short and sweet conversation we had with the ridiculously drunk and obnoxious husband of the wife teetering around on stiletto heals.  At the beach.  Oh, and by ‘short and sweet’ I of course mean ‘he was a ginormous idiot that I had to stop my friend from knocking out as he had absolutely NO filter when it came to what he thought was appropriate to say to complete strangers’.

Good times!

 

Patience Is Someone Else’s Virtue February 17, 2017

Patience is certainly NOT one of my virtues.  I’m all about instant gratification! That doesn’t mean I don’t work damn hard for the things I want, but it does mean that I have a hard time convincing myself that not everything moves along at the pace that I want it to.  Dating, in particular.  If I like someone, I expect for them to like me back (HA, we all know how well that has worked out for me in the past).  I expect them to keep in touch.  I expect, if there was a good date, that I will hear from them within the ‘3 day rule’.  I can’t stand ‘rules’.  I follow none of them.  I like to create my own.  Again, not to the most successful results.

I KNOW that not everyone thinks alike.  My god, can you imagine what a shit-show the world would be if we did?  Well, more so than it already is.  I KNOW that there are no rules.  I KNOW that people move at their own pace.  What I don’t know is why, why, why my mind always runs to the negative if I don’t hear from someone according to my timeline.  It’s so ridiculous and counter productive.  I truly believe in the pithy ‘put out into the universe what you want back’ and that ‘positivity begets positivity’.  My mind still wanders to the negative.  And not negative about the other person, mind you.  Negative about myself.  Along the lines of ‘what did I do wrong’, ‘why doesn’t he like me’ or any multitude of other self-destructive thoughts.

I’ve always been this way.  I wish I knew where it stemmed from.  I guess I’ll just blame my mother. 😉 And all the schmucks I went to high school with. Dumb fuckers

Anywhoo, I had that great date.  4 days ago.  And hadn’t heard from him since.  Of course I have annoyingly inevitably replayed the date in my mind a few hundred times trying to figure out what I did wrong.  Trying to figure out why he would walk me to my car and give me a kiss if he wasn’t interested.  Why he wouldn’t lock down another date right then and there.  I know full well that this is MY bullshit and not his.  He’s a good guy.  If he doesn’t like me, then it’s his loss (if I say it enough, I will believe it right).  That I WILL hear from him (if I say it enough, it will happen, right?).

After annoying myself trying to figure out what I did wrong and finally coming to the realization (kind of) that I did nothing wrong, that I was just being me and that if he doesn’t appreciate me with all my faults and ridiculousness, someone else will.  Who probably lives in another state, mind you, but whatever.  I swear it’s exhausting being me with my over thinking nature.

And then I get a text………..

 

So, I Had A Date….. February 14, 2017

Filed under: bumble,dating,dinner out,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:37 pm

Well, as we all know, I’ve had MANY dates.  Good ones, bad ones, annoying ones, scary ones, sad ones, amazing ones and ones that I wish had never happened.  This one would fall under the ‘good’ category.  No, not GREAT, but also not awful and honestly, one of the best dates I’ve had in a while.  Yes, I know.  I’ve set the bar shockingly low….

He was polite, kind, smart and interesting.  We talked about all sorts of things.  He is kinda fascinating.  Funny that I’ve said that about several men in the past few months.  I don’t mean fascinating in a ‘I could do an entire case study on the oddities of how your mind works’ kinda way either.  I mean fascinating as in, well, fascinating.  Apparently I’m attracted to intelligence.  Who knew?!

Well, I always did.  As we all know, I’m also attracted to ‘projects’.  He is NOT one of those.  I don’t think.  Thank G-d.  What we (and by ‘we’ I mean ‘you’) don’t know is who this gentleman is.

Did Repo Man finally come through and meet me and sweep me off my feet?  Did ‘Hi’ find his voice and conversational skills?  Was it one of the many other hot (and by ‘hot’ I mean ‘not so hot’) prospects on Bumble come through?  Was it someone I may, or may not, have met by hanging out in the frozen foods section of the grocery store?  That never works, btw.  And I only know that because a ‘friend’ tried it and only proceeded to get in the way of harried housewives and families with little kids.  Says my friend.

I’m going to hold off on saying who this was.  It was only one date.  It went well.  I hope that there will be a subsequent date (and I really think there will be), but I guess I’ll just have to wait and see…..Which, of course, means that you will have to wait and see…..

 

I Hope No One Snatches You Up February 8, 2017

Filed under: aura,bad dates,dating,dinner out,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:55 am

So, Repo Man. The man who I have been waiting to meet for close to 4 months.  The one who got lucky ‘had a really good 3rd date’ 2 nights before we were supposed to meet way back in October.  The one that I commended on being so honest and doing the right thing by the gal who slept with him right on schedule.  No, really, as we hadn’t met, I had no reason to be upset or anything other than understanding.

Sure, I was disappointed, but I am also trying to give the universe more room to do right by me.  Although we never met, we have kept in touch.  Yeah, probably not the nicest thing I’ve ever done, but does it make it any better if he was usually the one to contact me first?  Darn, didn’t think so.  Too bad….

Anyway, we have texted more than a few times over the past 3+ months. He would usually start the text chat by asking if ‘anyone had snatched me up yet’.  We spoke on the phone once for what was a pretty great 2 hour-long conversation.  We texted pretty consistently once he broke up with bachelorette #1.  He said he wanted to take a couple of weeks off from dating.  He hoped that ‘no one would snatch me up’ before he decided to meet and inevitably fall in love with me.

We finally had our long-awaited date set for last Friday.  I was so excited/nervous to finally meet him.  We all know that I don’t stay in contact with people for so long without actually meeting them in person.  I don’t want to risk getting invested or attached before it’s been determined if there is even any chemistry before us.  As Repo Man seemed so amazing, I made the exception.  And it paid off.  Our eyes locked as soon as we met and he gave me the biggest hug in the universe.  Then he kissed me!  Woah, I know that online dating and texting back and forth for almost 4 months can give a false sense of knowing someone, but it was, in fact, the 1st time we’d met.  As it’s 2017 and I’m trying new things, I opted to just go with it.  And it was pretty great.  We proceeded to have the best time ever.  We talked and laughed and held hands and had a great time.  Oh wait, this is me that we’re talking about.  None of that happened.  Because he cancelled on me.  Again.  The day before our date.  Again.

Again it was a very valid excuse.  Someone in his family was just diagnosed with a serious illness.  I completely get it.  Take a week or so to wrap your head around it and get a handle on the diagnosis and treatment plan.  Cancel temporarily.  Postpone for a week or so.  After telling me how his relationship with this certain relative has never been great and after telling me that he feels obligated, I told him that he was doing the right thing.  We spoke for a few more minutes and then hung up.

And then it hit me.  He didn’t cancel temporarily on me.  He cancelled INDEFINITELY on me.  AGAIN.  WTF?  I get the being upset.  I get the feeling of obligation.  What I don’t get is cancelling on someone who you were supposedly overly excited to meet.  The dots just don’t connect.  I had a weird feeling all of last week.  We had texted all throughout the weekend, but then nothing for the next 4 days until I was the one to check in to reconfirm our plans.  Although he has claimed to never have lied to me and I have never doubted his intentions to meet, I feel there is something else at play. It just doesn’t make sense.  Is he back with his ex?  Did he meet someone new (again) before we could meet?  Does he really just completely shut down when something bad happens?  I sort of want to talk to him and just ask if there is something else going on instead of just assuming the worst.  But I won’t.  Even after 4 months of corresponding, I have no right.  He owes me nothing.

You know what alerted me to the fact that he cancelled not temporarily on me, but indefinitely on me?  He ended the conversation with ‘hopefully no one will have snatched you up by then’.  Super.

 

Hi There February 7, 2017

So I was supposed to meet ‘Hi’ on Thursday for what he didn’t specifically say, but I assumed was to be dinner.  As part of my ‘stop trying to manage dates’ campaign of 2017, instead of trying to steer it to just drinks, I said okay.  A girl’s gotta eat. 😉 He has checked in most days since the date was set with either a ‘hi’ (his trademark, ya’ know), a ‘how’s your day’ or a ‘good morning’.  Very sweet.  Oddly enough, his ‘good morning’ texts usually come in between noon and 1pm.  Er, technically not morning but whatever.

He messaged me today saying he couldn’t wait to meet me!  Again, so very sweet.  He then asked if I could meet tonight instead of Thursday.  I figured why not.  While still not able to get excited about the date, I was so hoping to be pleasantly surprised.  I followed all my new best friend’s/psychic’s advice on being positive and manifesting good things.

Well, let’s just call this a trial run.  I put on a cute outfit and arrived at the restaurant.  As I was early, I was waiting outside playing a rousing game of Words With Friends when he walked up.  Great big smile, shorter than me and several years older than his profile photos depicted.  He was SO nice, but the conversation was SO stilted and awkward I just couldn’t ‘connect’ with him.  To be honest, I wasn’t trying very hard, but then again, I don’t think you should have to try hard for it to happen.

We had a great dinner and he picked up the bill which was very nice (again, my new best friend/psychic/dating coach told me to stop offering to pay or split the check).  He walked me to my car and gave me a hug.

Odd things about our date:

  1. He grabbed my hand right away
  2. He then high fived me (what?)
  3. Then I got a fist bump
  4. Then he invited himself to my vacation property – WITH ME!
  5. Then, for whatever reason we were talking about taxes (shush, it just came up) and he asked me if I usually get a refund or have to pay
  6. He played with my hair
  7. He invited me to go to the mountains with him in his RV
  8. He was apparently interested in the Fitbit I was wearing, but instead of asking about it, he just reached across me and grabbed my wrist! Mind you, we weren’t even talking about it, he just randomly did this.

Now, we all know that if I was into the guy, a few of these things wouldn’t have been so odd/annoying, but as I wasn’t, WTF?  We also know that if I’m not really ‘feeling’ a date (although he felt me several times!), I will try to make myself be the opposite of what he says he likes.  If he likes Rock, I say I like bee-bop music.  If he says he loves sci-fi, I say I hate it.  If he likes to vacation in an RV, I say I prefer hotels.  In this instance, however, I didn’t need to do any of that as we naturally seem to be polar opposites with absolutely nothing in common.

I feel bad about this one.  He is a nice guy and really wants to find someone, but I’m just not her.  I wish I knew someone for him ……

 

Who Does What February 1, 2017

So we all know that I have a groundbreaking 2 dates this week.  One with someone I was ‘meh’ about and one with someone that I am fairly excited about.  Yeah, I know, that doesn’t bode well for me, but with my new and improved 2017 positive attitude regarding my love-life (see? I’m not even going to add ‘or lack thereof’ when mentioning my love life….oh, wait), I’m trying to keep those thoughts at bay.  And I fully intend to fall in love on Friday.  Shit, that’s night right either, is it?

So anywhoo, I have 2 dates lined up with 2 men that have completely different communication styles.  Of course I prefer one style over the other, and although a combination of frequency and content would be ideal, that just ain’t happening….

Bachelor #1:

1. Texts daily with a ‘hi’ a ‘how are you’ or a ‘good morning’. Oddly enough, his good morning texts usually come in around noon or 1pm. Huh….

2. His texts are not very engaging and are usually just a few words in response.  As you well know from reading my blathering, I can TALK.

3. He picked a time and place for our date well in advance and has already reconfirmed with me.

4. He has told me how excited he is to meet me and actually asked if we could move our date up sooner

Bachelor #2

1) Does not text often, but when he does they are conversational in tone and go on for a while.

2) Although he locked down a day for our date, I am still awaiting information on time and location (tic toc, as I write this it’s 2 days before said date)

3) He has told me (repeatedly) how excited he is to meet me and that he wished that Friday would get here sooner,  but hasn’t been in contact the past 3 days (yes, I keep track of these things – welcome to my world)

I’m sure you can figure out which one I am more excited about meeting.  Of course it’s the one that does not check in often or put my overly imaginative/over-thinking/neurotic mind at ease.

I’m working on the whole ‘if it was meant to be, it will be’ as well as the confidence that I should have going into this and knowing that if he’s the guy I think he is, that I have nothing to worry about.  Easier said than done.  And to prove that point, I give you this post.  We haven’t even met yet for shit’s sake.  Why am I even thinking ahead on this?  Oh, that’s right.  Because I’m me ……….