43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Were There Men Even On Board? May 24, 2018

So. Much. Fun. So. Many. Cocktails. Got back Sunday from my 3 day whirlwind cruise. So glad I went. Even though the ‘jr suite’ that I shared with 2 friends was more like a ‘not so much jr suite’ and I slept on this odd folded out futon like couch thing (diagonally, might I add as it was uber short and I am not), I had a blast.

There were 13 of us in all. And about 6 of that 13 were all about the drama. Tears, tantrums and rudeness included. I successfully avoided it all. And spent most of my time at the bar. Every bar. My ‘core group’ all got the ‘unlimited drinks’ package and, as it’s not really unlimited and is instead limited to 15 drinks per day (boo Carnival), it was an unwritten agreement to try and reach our limit each day. #lifegoals. Sadly, and surprisingly considering we started drinking at 9am each day, I never actually hit 15. Apparently I’m lame. Or just a cheaper date than I used to be.

The laughter was plentiful, the drinks strong, the re-bonding of friendships awesome. The only thing that could have made the experience better would be an in board hook up. Sorry friends, I broke my vacation fling streak.

There weren’t many cute singles on board. There were lots of younger men with ironic man buns though. No thank you. I heard, on night #1 that there was a group of age appropriate hotties spotted in the dining room, but I was not alerted. Damn greedy bitches. I do think I spotted them the next night when they all walked past me on formal night. They were every bit as attractive as I’d heard. There was even a tall nerdy one with glasses just for me. Sadly, and inexplicably, my inner social retard took over and instead of making eye contact when he looked directly at me and smiled, I looked at the ground. WTF?!?! I have no clue what happened. I would normally switch directions and follow them (is it really stalking if it’s just me?), but I totally drew a blank and brain farted on what little game I have left. Eh, oh well, at least they were pretty to look at, however briefly.

I am back home, missing my friends terribly, still awaiting my room service coffee to be delivered to my room and, for some strange reason, am unable to locate the buffet. Damn reality….

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The 48 Hour Date May 7, 2018

Not sure why it is, but apparently every time I pull into Mr. OoT’s town, the universe signals Repo Man to text me.  Weird.  Anywhoo, it was requested by Mr. OoT that I plan on arriving to his place around 7pm on Saturday.  Whatevs.  As he lives a scant 20 minutes away from one of the most amazing feats of nature that I’ve ever seen, I opted to head up there around noon.  Just me, my dog, my overpacked bag, and a big question mark whether I would be there for 24 or 48 hours.

 

I got to his town around 2pm and went to the state park where the closest thing to my zen inducing love of water could work it’s magic.  It was amazing.  I was wearing a cute dress, the weather was gorgeous, the park was packed, the falls were magical.  I sat in the grass, took some selfies with my dog, offered to take photos of couples struggling with their own selfies and had a very nice time.  Bonus (or not) was that I believe I flashed half the park when getting up off the ground.  Sorry nature lovers, there’s just no graceful way to go about that when holding a dog leash and trying not to fall over.

 

I Snapchatted Mr. OoT (’cause I’m a 13 year old girl) a pic of my dog and I at the park and let him know that although we were already in town, we would plan on arriving to his place at 7 as requested unless I heard otherwise.  Well duh, of course I heard otherwise.  His son’s school even ended a bit early, so I got the green light for 5pm.  Yey.  Now I know I’ll get fed.  Priorities people!

 

He greeted me with a huge smile, a hug and a kiss.  We all went out to dinner and then did touristy things the rest of the evening (much to his 15 year old son’s dismay; although he was a great sport).  Our waitress at dinner accidentally assumed that I was ‘the mom’ in the equation and addressed me as such.  Poor OoT’s son wanted to crawl under the table.  Of course, being the kind, understanding and compassionate woman that I am, I completely ‘got’ his being uncomfortable with that mistake.  And then proceeded to address him as ‘son’ the rest of the evening and question my parenting with him.  He either loves me or wants to kill me.  Not sure which.  As it entertained the hell out of me and Mr. OoT, I wasn’t too worried about it.

 

We had another great weekend.   There were a couple of awkward things that happened though.  Like when we returned Mr. OoT’s son to his mom’s (wife #2) on Sunday night and I sat in the car while everyone hung out and talked for way too long a scant 10 feet from the car.  I don’t think ex wife #2 even knew I was in the car, but it was a little odd for me to be sitting there.  Mr. OoT apologized when he got back in the car as he wasn’t planning on chatting with her for so long.  He knew I was a little weirded out by it and asked me what I thought he should have done.  Er, huh, no clue.  No reason for me to meet one of the ex wives at this point, so I really didn’t have an answer for him.  Although I couldn’t see her face as her back was to me, she was a petite little blonde with tons of hair.  Kinda weird seeing Mr. OoT standing around chatting up someone that he used to sleep with.  Huh.

 

We talked a lot this weekend.  Not about us, but about ‘things’.  He told me something that he had been super nervous about letting me know and had been questioning whether to tell me at all.  As I had already guessed at his ‘secret’ weeks ago, I just flat out asked him.  And he was completely honest with me.  He expected a completely different reaction from me than the one he got and was relieved as hell.  Kinda think he still has it in his head that I’m a bit of a mash up of all his exes mixed with a tad uptight bitch.  Sorry babe, I’m a bit unique in that I can’t really be categorized.

 

I ended up staying the 2 nights (yey for me and my vagina).  I was pretty sad heading home today.  I won’t see him for another 2 weeks.  We still haven’t spoken about ‘us’.  Although he did mention needing to have ‘the talk’ at some point, I just opted to ignore that comment and continue to live in the moment.  I like him.  Plain and simple.  Is he the one for me?  I have no clue.  He’s the one that makes me happy in the now, so I’ll go with that.  Oh, and the fact that we had a pretty major make out sesh right before I left, I’m pretty sure that he won’t be thinking of anyone but me for the next 2 weeks.  He’s already confirmed twice that I’ll see him in 2 weeks, right?  Right.

 

Old Friends Emerge April 13, 2018

And by ‘old friends’ I of course mean the hottie from Tinder that unmatched me a couple of weeks back. The one that I ridiculously thought had unmatched me because I had written a rather unflattering blog post about him & figured the universe gave him a heads up. Right. I’m just that dumb sometimes.

Anyway, yesterday I reactivated my Tinder account and who do you think my 1st match was? Of course it was him. As I’m convinced that, since this is 3 times now, that the universe (and not the ridiculously small dating pool in my town) is basically giving me the thumbs up to just do him meet him already and stop dragging my feet.

He sends me a ‘hello beautiful’ and that’s where our love story began. Or at least was supposed to. We were going to meet for drinks last night. He said he’d be off work by 5. We messaged back and forth all day. At 3:30, I asked him if he had decided on a bar yet. He said no, he was still swamped with work. Whatever. I had a feeling he was going to chicken out. And he did. I texted him at 4 and let him know that although I had been looking forward to meeting him that night, that I don’t do last minute and as he hadn’t actually nailed down details, I had made other plans. Then I wished him a good night while mentally flipping him the fuck off.

As I already looked cute as hell, I decided to take myself out to dinner. I went to a favorite spot that I haven’t been to in months and grabbed a seat at the bar. Not only did the bartender remember me and my cocktail of choice, but also commented on my hair being a different color. Huh. Nice ego boost.

While I was at dinner I had 3 things happen:

1. Mr. England texted to see if I was free @ 8:30pm. Seriously? I sent back “uh, no, I already have plans with someone who plans in advance. And p.s. your learning curve regarding this seems kinda slow” dumbass

2. Some random guy plops down next to me and proceeds to hit on me. This shit never happens.

3. Mr Tinder says he’s free all weekend (no apology for being a flake, btw). I haven’t responded.

All in all, I’d call today a total #win for my ego!

 

Sunday Thoughts April 8, 2018

I swear he doesn’t mean to come off so creepy (or maybe he does), but I think I’m going to need to ask Mr. England about his overuse of emojis and uber disconcerting text messages. Oh, and why the hell he doesn’t use his tongue when kissing. I have that one narrowed down to a few possibilities:

1) He’s a germaphobe

2) He doesn’t know any better

3) No one has ever told him how weird it is

I have a feeling that if we ever do sleep together that he will

1) make me shower 1st

2) not be very creative

3) minimal foreplay 😦

Anyway, he sent me a text last night. I had told him that I have a migraine. He sent back:

Aww, poor baby. I wish I was there to rub your temples (and other things) *string of weird emojis*

See what I mean? I know, I know. You’re all wondering why I continue to see him if I feel this way. Guess I’m waiting to discover if there is something I’m missing? I want to give him the chance to prove me wrong? I want to make sure it’s not just Mr. Out of Town clouding my judgement?

We are going to the movies on Wednesday night, so I guess we’ll see. Not really a fan of movie dates, but assuming he feels it is the best way to get to grope me?

 

Eanie Meanie…… April 6, 2018

Now, if you promise not to throw your computers out the window, I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Ready?  I hid my online profiles.  Oh, what?  You’re not surprised?  Oh well.  Here’s the thing.  There are 2 men interested in me right now.  That hasn’t happened in years.  It just feels greedy and insincere to keep looking right now.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that either of these guys is ‘my one’, I just can’t see myself sitting across from yet another random online guy making small talk.  K, now, back to my men.  I am polar opposites with one and they are polar opposites of each other.  In theory that would mean that Mr. England and I are very similar.  Okay, so we are.  Whatevs.  Here’s a quick comparison of the 2:

 

Mr. England: we actually have very similar backgrounds.  He’s funny and sweet and has a pretty damn interesting life.  He also only apparently dresses in athletic wear.  Like those shiny shorts and pants things.  Me no likee.  We laugh and talk and I make him completely nervous.  How do I know this?  Well, I asked him.  And he told me so.  He is super recently divorced and brand spanking new to online dating.  He has no clue what he wants and I take every advantage of this fact to freak him out.  He’s apparently a nervous wreck about ‘liking’ anyone.  I have tried to let him know that it’s brand new.  He should keep looking.  We can keep dating, it doesn’t have to mean anything at this point.  It’s much more fun, however, to profess my undying love to him and talk of ‘our’ future together and watch the look of panic in his eyes.  It’s kind of funny.  And I’m a bitch, so I keep doing it.  What’s totally funny though is that each time I see him, he backs off more from making any inappropriate moves.  He certainly tried on movie night (date #1) but not since then.  I know he likes me.  He knows he likes me.  I know I should like him more than I do.  I know that, head to head, he is the ‘better’ choice for me.  I’m just not sure that I’m sexually attracted to him.  Boo.

 

Mr. Out Of Town:  yes, you all know about him ad nauseum.  What you don’t know is how sweet he is.  What good talks we have.  How he’s trying really hard to ‘listen’ to what I say.  He realizes how different we are.  I broke one of my beloved crystals today.  Well, it actually shattered into a million pieces and it kind of freaked me out.  When I told him about it, he not only understood and empathized, but suggested I save all the pieces and we could leave one in each exotic destination that ‘we’ visit.  Very sweet.  He wants to work on improving our communication.  Today, in the mail, I received a copy of ‘The 5 Love Languages’.  I had mentioned the book when I last saw him and we were on completely different pages in the same discussion.  He bought a copy for himself too.  I think he really wants to try to figure out how to be a better version of himself.  Not quite so self involved.  To talk less and listen more.  Anyway, I’m ridiculously excited to read the book.  Pretty sure I know which ‘Love Language’ I am, but will be super cool to see and, moreso, to find out what he thinks his is (I already know what his is).

 

On paper, Mr. England is the one for me.  My hormones tell me otherwise.  It’s not like I have to choose either anytime soon, so this post isn’t about that, but as I was sitting at coffee today with Mr. England, hating what he was wearing, loving our conversations and being way too amused by the panic I see in his eyes, I was wondering why I don’t want to jump him like I do every SINGLE time I see (or even think about) Mr. Out of Town.  The thought of Mr. England continuing to online date doesn’t bother me one bit.  No, seriously, it doesn’t.  We all know how much the thought of Mr. Out of Town continuing to date makes me insane.

 

Oh well, until push comes to shove, I will continue to see them both.  And let them fight over me.  Okay, that was WAY more self  confident that I would ever be.  It is kinda nice knowing that there are 2 men out there that think I’m pretty terrific though.  Who knew?

 

Protected: No Take Backs April 1, 2018

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Protected: Some People Just Suck….. March 31, 2018

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