The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Protected: This Could Be Trouble March 27, 2018

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Protected: So Here We Sit…. March 26, 2018

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The Twitter March 17, 2018

So when I wake up each morning, I check Twitter to see what’s going on in the world. What? That’s not the way to keep up on current events? I think it is. Much can be garnered from those concise little snippets. What happened on my favorite Bravo TV show the night before. Which star is fighting with who on any given day. What our illustrious president is rambling incoherently about. All sorts of important stuff.

I have a Twitter account. Well, not ‘me’ but the other ‘me’. I don’t actually post my own tweets often. I mainly just re-tweet stuff. Funny shit. Inspirational things. Horoscope related. You know; important things. If I were to compose a tweet of my own today it would probably go something like this: “Huge declaration to avoid all things online dating related until the end of the month was bullshit”.

Catchy, right? And truthful. I’m weak. I need male attention. Okay, not really, but damn, I kind of *gasp* missed it. I lasted how many days? 4? 5? What can I say? I got bored. And I only reactivated one profile. Go ahead and guess which one. No really, guess. Did you guess? What did you guess? If you guessed Tinder, you’d be right!

Tinder is what it is. There’s no bullshit. As I AM ultimately looking for a relationship, but not actually completely averse to a little ‘side action’, this ‘might’ be an okay thing? For today. I’m sure my mind will change again tomorrow. I think the thing that needs to change is my attitude towards it all. I don’t need to be so paranoid about what someone will think about me being on Tinder. I don’t need to approach each and every possible date as being so worried about ‘what will they expect or think’. They’re on Tinder too and guess what? I’m in charge. I am in possession of the vagina in this scenario. If I like a guy that I meet off of Tinder, I will try my best not to be a total whore and sleep with him off the bat. I’ve done the research and completely disproved this method. 😉 If I meet someone that I ‘like’ and am attracted to but know he’s totally inappropriate for relationship material? Well then, all bets are off.

 

I Need A Tutor March 16, 2018

So with the next 2 weeks off from online dating, I find myself with a lot of time on my hands to think about, er. online dating. What I do right, what I do wrong. What I’m good at, what I could improve upon. How I go about messaging potential dates that contact me (and yes, of course, I sometimes contact 1st – gotta help make your own magic, right?).

I am looking for a relationship. Plain and simple. I refuse to settle however. These 2 things are sort of in direct contrast to one another because as I would like to find a relationship, I wouldn’t be completely opposed to ‘dating’ (and by dating, I totally mean sleeping with) someone that wasn’t long term appropriate. How do I go about finding one without alienating the other? My profiles state that I’m looking for a relationship. That I’m not a one night stand kinda gal. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t enjoy a playmate or 2 (who am I?). I just want to make out with someone for shit’s sake!

I finally got some of my mojo back this year. It had been 4 LONG years since I last slept with anyone. Or, truth be told, even made out with someone. Yes, TD did that big of a number on me. And I wasn’t really looking. But when I was, no one I liked was interested anyway. Boo.

I’m self conscious and neurotic and a bit on the needy side when I like a guy. I also know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am an awesome date with a great sense of humor, a shit ton of smarts (in all things aside men) and not horribly offensive to look at. I also know that I’m a complete nerd and never know how to act after a date. If I don’t like the guy, who the hell cares, but if I do, well then damn. Let the shit show begin.

Anywhoo, I follow a lot of online dating bloggers. I have found exactly 2 virtual dating doppelgangers on here. The 1st to share the same brain as me was an awesome gal who was every bit as funny and snarky and cynical when it came to online dating. She started dating someone right around the same time that I met TD. She is still with her someone and hasn’t blogged in years. We all know where I am.

My 2nd online idol/doppelganger/brain sharer I have followed for years and we’ve kind of had way too many past/present life (and thoughts) experiences. She, like myself, gave up online dating and/or blogging for a while. She’s back. In every sense of the word. And she is KILLING IT! Someone with long term potential and TWO ‘playmates’. In only 9 online dates. NINE! I’ve had 15 and only managed to find one I was even remotely (okay, more than remotely) interested in.

I do believe the universe brings you what you put out there. I DO believe that my one is out there. I DO know there are good guys online. I DO believe I’m a pretty amazing catch (kinda). I’m wondering if I’m doing something wrong. Or approaching something wrong.

I know I waste way too much time messaging men that I probably will never meet. I have gone thru phases of responding to everyone who wrote, meeting everyone who asked, and being open to every possibility. I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t ‘missing’ something about someone or judging too soon. I was waiting for just one of them to surprise me with something that I hadn’t picked up on online. None did. I also feel kinda bad ignoring messages from completely nice guys that I just don’t find attractive.

Here’s the kicker. While I whine and moan that I can’t meet anyone to date, I have met many (okay, several) that would like to date me, but that I wasn’t attracted to, or didn’t have a spark with, or they were 5’7″ (back off, I’m 5’10”, not gonna happen). I’ve also met many men in the past that I’ve wanted to date but they haven’t wanted to date me. Boo them. I need to find the perfect storm of being a funny and flirty date while on a date with a funny and flirty man. While my tutor sits on my shoulder and instructs me what to do so I don’t fuck it all up…..

Any applicants? No, okay, then please feel free to offer me your best piece of dating advice!

* edited to add: I do follow dating coaches (the cute ones) and while I think they’re great for some, I firmly believe that I should be able to figure my own shit out. I’m not a therapy or coaching kinda gal (see how well this has worked out for me?) 😉 💖

 

Quarterly Re-Cap March 8, 2018

Sure, the quarter isn’t technically over, but in regards to online dating shenanigans it is. For me, at least. Time for a break. As everyone loves a good list, here is the quick and not so dirty run down of all things 2018:

1st dates had: 13 (that lucky number just about says it all, doesn’t it)

2nd dates had: 1/2 (does being invited to his house to netflix and chill really count as a date?)

Men under 5’7″ that I met: 2

Number of men kissed: 1 (but DAMN, what a good kisser he was)

Number of men I feared would chop me into little pieces and shove me into their trunk: 1

Number of men met that looked nothing like their online photos: 3

Drinks paid for: 22

Appetizers consumed: 2

Dinner dates had: 2

Embarrassing meltdowns had: 1 (I’m so proud)

Vacation flings had: 1

‘Bike Rides’ had: 2 (which is 2 more than I’ve had in a loooong time)

Number of hair color changes: 2

Number of men that ghosted me after 3 weeks of texting: 1

Number of dating sites I started the year on: 4

Number of dating sites I’m on now: 2

Number of dates I plan to go on this month: 0

I will now proceed to spend the remainder of March NOT dating, NOT responding to men that I am not appropriately excited about, NOT obsessing over why guys think the way the do or what I may have done ‘wrong’. I will enjoy my uber dark hair (eek!), try to figure some shit out and just go about my business without the awesomeness of online dating. By awesomeness, I of course mean not so awesome. Oh, and I hid my Tinder profile. Sorry Mr. 40 year old, 6’2″ 175lb man/stick figure.

 

I’ve Done Something February 21, 2018

Something that may either be a good idea or the worst idea on the planet. Something that my friends are split between wanting to smack me in the head for or cheer me on for. Something that may end my week on a high note or may just ruin everything. Something that I am surprised by, but trying not to get excited about. Something that I have the next 3 days to worry about, overthink, get excited about, obsess about and generally run through every single possible ‘what if’ about.

I am going to embrace my long forgotten 2018 mantra of leaving shit up to the universe and not always being a neurotic shit show when it comes to things I want. What could possibly go wrong???

 

Baseball Schedule February 15, 2018

Filed under: bumble,dating,dinner out,internet dating,online dating,single,texting,tinder — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:58 pm

Oh, oops, sorry to all of those that happened upon this post in search of actual baseball information.  Let’s be honest though, the name of this blog should have been a big clue that you weren’t going to find the ‘sportiest’ of posts.  So today I have a double header.  Yup, I’m THAT gal.  Get over it.  Both of these men asked me out for yesterday, but sorry, a 1st date on Valentine’s Day is just weird.  And as I had a lovely invitation from my 65 year old and above single lady neighbors to come for dinner, I went there.  And had a surprisingly good time.  I’ve never felt so young in my life, but I digress.

 

First up in my overly scheduled day today is Mr. Red.  Yup, another ginger.  You all know how I love me a ginger.  As I am just about over this round of online dating before leaving town for a week (thank GOD!), I was neither excited, nervous, nor even apathetic about it.  It was a lunch date. What?  A girl’s gotta eat and he invited me for one of my favorite foods.  As I knew he had to get back to work, it couldn’t be that bad, could it?  Well, to be honest, no, it wasn’t bad at all.  He is 3″ TALLER than I am and a nice guy.  All 6’1″ of his pale and freckled self.

 

Lunch was yummy, conversation was decent and I didn’t want to avert eye contact or run away screaming (oh how my standards have lowered).  While not mind bogglingly attracted, I could see myself kissing him.  As this was actually a Tinder date, I also needed to try and figure out, during our 78 minute long lunch date, if I could see myself more than kissing him.  Eh, as he was exceptionally complimentary, seems to think I’m really attractive and have a great ass (thank you tight jeans), I might just be able to.

 

Maybe.  With enough cocktails.  And darkness.  Maybe this will be the confidence boost that I need.  He’s a Tinder guy.  While not as crass or douchee as most, he’s not looking for a relationship I don’t think.  As he’s already asked me some overly ‘familiar’ questions, I know what he’s in this for.  That kind of removes my whole overthinking, neurotic, weirdly obsessive self.  I guess we’ll see.

 

Excuse me now while I get ready for tonight’s date with Plenty of Fish guy ….. look at me go!

 

Dating By Numbers February 13, 2018

This is one of my all time favorite blog posts from waaaaay back in 2011 when I used to be able to write in an entertaining fashion and had high hopes of meeting my ‘one’ soon.  Ish. I shudder to think what my numbers are now, 7 years later.

For everyone mucking through the sometimes soul crushing tough world of online dating, take a peek & I’m guessing you won’t feel quite so bad about your luck, or lack thereof…..

Date By Numbers

 

Just This Once….. February 11, 2018

So these days I date.  A lot apparently.  It’s sort of a part time job right now.  If by ‘job’ I mean a low paying, time consuming, frustrating and disappointing way to spend my time. But does it really count as ‘dating’ if I only meet each man once?  I don’t think that counts as dating.  I think it counts as 8 (well 9 by the time this publishes) men that I’ve met.  9 men that I’ve been ‘interviewed’ by.  9 men that have screened me to see if I would meet their requirements for a future whatever.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve done the exact same thing.  Only, let’s be honest, I was more jovial, conversational and a hell of a lot less awkward than most of them were.  I went into each date with fairly low expectations.  I prefer to set expectations low and be pleasantly surprised than than to get excited and ultimately disappointed.  It’s just what works for me and how I roll.  Don’t judge.

There was one that I got excited about meeting.  Well, actually 2, but you all don’t know about the other one.  Oh wait, you do.  It just didn’t register as quickly because I didn’t make a complete fool out of myself with him.  I was excited about meeting the 1st one but could tell  pretty much off the bat that there was nothing there.  Number 2 threw me for a loop.  I didn’t think there was anything there on his part and then, surprise!  There was.  Too bad it was more of a booty call interest than a dating one.  Oh well, live and learn.  Or not, in my case.

So I have a date on Monday.  With a man that I have been messaging with for 2 weeks, which I normally won’t do.  A man that I have wanted to ask me out for over a week.  A man that writes me long messages, has a killer vocabulary (I find that a huge turn on – yes, I’m still a nerd at heart) and who just seems nice.  Contrary to popular belief, I like nice.  There is less of a chance that they will turn into assholes and play mind games.  I hope.

I swore I would run the other direction if I met someone that I had chemistry with.  That I would run far and fast rather than stay and turn into the crazed nut-bag that I have proven myself to be when I liked someone.  Luckily, or not, this new promise of mine has yet to be tested.

Oh shit!  It’s actually 10 men that I’ve met since December 31st.  That is a lot.  I deserve a raise.  I wasn’t really excited about meeting 8 of the 10.  I AM excited to meet this one.  I’m allowing myself that…..this can’t end well 😉

 

Mr. Nice Guy February 10, 2018

Filed under: dating,dinner out,driking,interent dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:10 am

He truly was.  He was polite and complimentary and even brought me a gift.  Who does that?  He has traditional values, is respectful and kind and not only asked me some really interesting questions, but listened for the answers.

I usually try to make my dates fun.  It deflects from my dates asking me anything personal.  Yes, believe it or not, I have some significant walls built up around me that it would take the most patient of men to penetrate.  I use my humor and self deprecation to never actually answer a question that is posed directly to me.  I blab more on this blog than I ever have.  To anyone.  And even at that, there are many many things that I don’t even share on here.

Back to the date. We had a great conversation.  We talked about all sorts of topics.  He is a very kind man who has had women take advantage of him in the past.  He told me the stories and I honestly couldn’t believe it.  Not that the women were so shitty, but that he didn’t see them coming from a mile a way.  It actually crossed my mind, for a fraction of a millisecond, that if I was one of ‘those’ women, that I could convince myself (and him) that we were a good match.

We aren’t.  He’s very straight-laced and very right-winged.  While not being a raging liberal, we definitely have some differing views.  If I was into him, I’m sure I could figure out a way to work around such opposing views, but the fact of the matter is that although he was a terrific guy, I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to kiss him.  It was more like I wanted to give him a hug.  And protect him from the next woman that will inevitably take advantage of him.  As I drove home I was a bit sad.  And wracking my brain for a nice woman to set him up with!

 

Fast Track, Part 2 February 9, 2018

Hey, I’m just as surprised as you are that there is a part 2 to this.   The recap of my date from last night will have to wait while I continue to overthink the offhanded comment made by my friend and proceed to write another annoyingly introspective post that isn’t in the least bit interesting or entertaining.  You’ve been warned.

For those of you that actually have a life and have not been with me since the beginning of this, what I hoped would be, short lived blog over the past 7 years (that honestly just hurt me to type that), here’s a quick recap of all things Grey Goose.

I was bullied as a kid (and I do NOT take that term lightly).  Up until junior year of high school I would cry almost daily.  I was the world’s biggest nerd in high school.  I sort of came into my own in college and had THE BEST TIME of my life.   I decided to tell everyone that made fun of me in the past to, quite literally, fuck off.  I was fun and flirty and skinny and pretty and snarky and had a bazillion friends and ‘friends’.  I never worried about guys.  I lived my life like a guy.  I was the love them and leave them one.  I never obsessed.  I never fixated.  Then I grew up.  Damn.

I’ve had several long term relationships in my life.  Most of them were not, upon looking back, good ones.  They all chipped away at ‘me’ and I allowed it.  Somewhere along the way I began to believe what they told me instead of what I knew to be true. Boo.

It hasn’t been since my 20s that I have met and dated men ‘organically’.  It’s been a very long time since a handsome man sidled up next to me at a bar, or on the street and struck up a conversation.  Okay, well, to be honest, I’ve been told that men were hitting on me but for some unknown reason, I am incapable of picking up on clues.  I honestly have no idea how many terrific, or not so terrific, men I could have gotten to know if I’d only paid attention.

I have never been called ‘cute’.  I have been called beautiful.  I always wanted to be cute, damn it.  It’s not about looks.  I’ve been skinny.  I’ve had a killer body.  I’ve been fat.  I’ve been in between.  It’s not about weight.  I have a quirky style of dress.  Fun, funky, flirty and age appropriate.  It’s not about that.  I have a pretty good personality.  I’m still fun and funny, smart and good hearted.  I sometimes forget this part.

I have been self employed for more than 20 years.  There was no office in which to meet and mingle.  So weird.  Online dating is a bit of a ‘necessary evil’ I feel.  I don’t hang out in bars anymore.  I don’t frequent singles events.  I don’t hang out in the frozen food section of my local grocery store waiting to shove my shopping cart into that of a handsome stranger.  This is how I know to meet people.

I look around and see all types of people from all walks of life coupled up.  At times I let this sadden me but, by and large, I use it as an example that there is truly someone for everyone.  I honestly believe that.  I just don’t know how to go about meeting mine.  Now, before anyone opts to blurt out that amazingly infuriating ‘you’ll meet him when you’re not looking’, I think that is a huge load of bullshit and I think it’s a f*ing smug thing to say.  I do go about my life.  I do take chances.  I do things that I like without the thought of ‘I hope I meet a guy doing this’.

My date last night asked me, after listening to me tell him about where I am in life and what my plans are for the future, ‘well, where does a man fit into all of this’ and for the life of me I couldn’t answer.  No one has ever asked me this before.  I guess I always assumed that when I met the right man, things would just ‘fit’.  Fast track or not, I’m apparently as confused as ever …………. super

 

 

The Ginger February 6, 2018

I love me a good ginger.  No, really.  No clue what it is about red haired men, but I just love them.  I find them quirky and funny and by and large, just really good guys.  So of course when I was sitting at a friend’s house and we were companionably swiping on our Bumble options side by side, we came across the same cute ginger at the same time.  While I went ‘yey, a ginger!’ she went ‘bleck’.  Oh well, that’s what makes the world go round, I guess.  Left swipes and Right ones (figuratively and literally).

I messaged back and forth with The Ginger for a while and discovered that he’s not actually from here.  Oh.  Boo.  He travels for business.  I called him out on having a bumble in every port and he clarified that it’s a fun way to meet a new friend for a drink when traveling.  Oh, okay.  Makes sense.  I totally believed him (which, as you know, it’s not a strong point of mine) and asked when he was leaving town.

I ended up meeting him the next night for drinks at a place that I chose.  He was adorable.  In a total Richie Cunningham sort of way.  For those of you that are too young to understand that reference, fuck off your loss.  It was a bit stilted and awkward at 1st, but either due to the vodka sodas or just feeling more comfortable with one another, it turned into a great date!!  We ended up staying for hours; talking, laughing, telling stories and just generally having a really good time.  No clue if there were any sparks (on either end), but as he doesn’t live here anyway, I took it for what it was.  A really fun evening.  We ended up exchanging numbers and said we’d keep in touch.

Now, if only I could have a date that good with someone local………..

 

Support January 31, 2018

It’s important.  And I’m not talking about in a new bra kinda way.  Although I did just get some of those in the anticipation that someone might actually see them in the not so distant future, but we all know how that went.  So for now, it’s just me & my dog that get to partake in the visual.  However, my online dates get to benefit from the newly found perk.  But I digress …..

I fixate.  A lot.  For a strong, independent Type A personality, I am oddly needy and insecure at times.  Usually around men.  Oh hell, who am I kidding?  Always around men. Men that I like. No clue when this all started as I didn’t used to be this way.  I was the one in college that would party with, sleep with and not give a care about some of the hottest and nicest guys on campus.  I just wasn’t worried about it.  I was young and cute and had my shit together.  That seems like a lifetime ago.

Anywhoo, you all know my new theory about dating down.  About only dating guys that don’t make me insane.  Only dating guys that I will be happy to see, but not obsess about if I don’t.  The way I fixate on men is truly disturbing.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean fixate in a Glenn Close, boiled pet bunny sort of way.  My fixations only wreak havoc on my own psyche and that of my friends as they have to listen to me spin out of control.

I was out with my best girlfriend in town last night.  Her son and several of his friends were there as well.  I stated my new dating decision to her.  She looked at me inquisitively and I said, with as much self awareness as I’ve always had ‘I just can’t handle dating men that I’m totally into; it makes me a little insane’.  Being the good and supportive friend that she is, she rolled her eyes and declared ‘no shit’.  She fully supports this new decision of mine.

I am off to meet a new online date.  I promise you that if he is too handsome, too nice, too smart, too witty, too anything, that I will high tail it out of there as fast as I can.  Here’s hoping that he’s ‘just nice enough’ for me to not spin out of control……..

 

I Think I’m Dating A 13 Year Old Girl May 16, 2017

No, not really, but I knew that would get your attention. 😉 As is my new MO when writing a post, I justify my absence as ‘nothing interesting going on’.  This time, however, I have not written in a while because I have A LOT going on.  Big changes are in the works.  BIG.  Not ready to divulge the details as of yet, so for now, I will update you on the average 49 year old’s adventures on Bumble.  I have 3, count ’em, 3 whopping bachelors to fill you in on.

As the universe, and several select big mouthed friends have suggested (and by suggested, I mean they full on insult me and think nothing of it), I need to expand my horizons when considering men.  As I’ve explained umpteen times before, I am open to all sorts of men.  Tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, cute ones, not so cute ones, quirky ones and just about every other option out there.  Oh, aside from incarcerated.  Or drug addicted.  Oh yeah, or smokers.  Sorry, not kissing an ashtray.  I really do care more about personality, kindness and intelligence more than looks.

Anywho, bachelor #1 is sweet as can be.  We have a lot of personality traits in common.  He’s smart and considerate and kind.  He also sends me at least one selfie a day.  Uhm, what?  I don’t understand that.  I don’t take, nor do I send, selfies.  As we’ve already met in person, I know what he looks like.  I can’t quite figure out the thought process behind this constant influx of selfies.  After the first couple, I responded with ‘cute’ or ‘love that shirt’.  After the 10th, I just don’t respond anymore.  It’s just weird.  I don’t know what to say.  They’re all PG, mind you, but still.  We met last Monday for cocktails and he was as cute and interesting in person as I expected him to be.  He was also every inch shorter than me that I feared.  As in six.  Six inches.  (*insert that’s what she said joke here) SIX INCHES shorter than I am.  Can’t do it.  He is almost literally half my size in every regard.  I hope he understood my ‘friend vibe’, but I fear he didn’t.  He even toasted to ‘new friends’ when we met.  That tells me he gets it.  The deluge of selfies and ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts however, does not.

Bachelor #2 I think I am going to opt out of meeting.  He too likes to send selfies.  He too is shorter than me (but only by 3 inches).  He also seems exceptionally self involved and keeps telling me how awesome a friend and person he is.  Okaaaaaay.  Contrary to popular belief, I do actually think the best of people until they prove me wrong.  I do feel that people that announce certain traits of theirs are a bit disingenuous.  Why would you announce that you’re not a player?  Why would you announce that you’re an amazing friend?  Why would you announce that you’re very protective of all your 437 female friends?  Maybe it’s just me, but I think those that feel the need to announce how amazing they are, usually aren’t.  We also have a mutual acquaintance in common.  He thinks she’s awesome.  I think she’s a complete shit-show.  I’m just not getting a good ‘feel’ for this one.

Bachelor #3 I met last night and he is every bit as handsome as I had hoped.  He’s also every bit of his 6’2″ height.  I’ll tell you more about this one as I figure it out! 🙂

 

I Think I Had A Good Time February 27, 2017

You’re welcome in advance for this not being a whiny post about my less than envious love life.  Can I really even call it a love life if I haven’t had any semblance of a relationship in uh, years?!  *cue sad music*

Anywho, this is a post about my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  Well, a post about what I can remember from my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  My friend and I are kind of in the same boat as far as guys go.  She’s at least had a couple short lived relationships in the past few years, but the guys always either ghost, flip out or turn into someone other than who they appeared to be.  She tries to slog through the wold of online dating as well.  We are both convinced that our bad luck in love at our advanced ages is Karma firmly kicking us in the ass for all the fun we had in our 20s.  Believe me, we had a LOT of fun back then.

Back to the beach.  We arrived on Thursday afternoon and immediately decided to start day drinking.  Bad decision #1.  Bad decision #2 was to make an exceptionally strong (and large) vodka soda.  Bad decision #3 was to decide, when I discovered that I forgot to bring lemons, to add an entire can of Mike’s Harder Lemonade to my already lighter-fluid-ish drink in order to get that lemon flavor.  Bad decision #4 was to then decide, after sucking that gross tasting concoction down (can’t waste perfectly good alcohol) that since it was technically National Margarita Day (that’s a thing, right?) to go to the restaurant on property to enjoy some 2 for 1 Margaritas.  Details after that are a little fuzzy.  As in I don’t really remember shit.  My friend did assure me that I didn’t make a complete ass of myself and that I was safely passed out on the couch without having embarrassed myself too much.  Passed out on the couch by 8:30pm.  Lovely.

The next couple of days included many many cocktails, a lobster-esque sunburn,  getting lost multiple times in a town that I should really be able to navigate by now and not a single solitary conversation with anyone of the opposite sex.  Well, that’s unless you include the short and sweet conversation we had with the ridiculously drunk and obnoxious husband of the wife teetering around on stiletto heals.  At the beach.  Oh, and by ‘short and sweet’ I of course mean ‘he was a ginormous idiot that I had to stop my friend from knocking out as he had absolutely NO filter when it came to what he thought was appropriate to say to complete strangers’.

Good times!