Grandma vs The Spinner July 13, 2019

Soooooo, the two of you that have been reading my angsty bullshit for a while will know that I often use this blog to work through my feelings and try to figure things out. It’s cheaper than therapy and, more often than not, more effective.

I think I’ll call the money grubbing dipshit 4th of July date Krystal.  Why, you ask?  Well, because that’s her name.  While I am fully aware that none of what has happened is directly her fault and solely Mr. OoT’s, she’s a player in my drama nonetheless.

Krystal is a 35 year old mother of a young child who lives in a shitty town.  Even shittier than the town that Mr. OoT lives in.  From what I’ve read in her messages with Mr. OoT and via her Instagram page (seriously? you’re going to act surprised that I looked her up?), she’s not the brightest bulb on the strand.  She sounds like a bit of an idiot and has a job that anyone with 6 months to kill for training could have.  She doesn’t have 2 nickels to rub together and likes to end most her sentences with ‘lol’.

From what I gathered, although Mr. OoT isn’t wealthy by any means, to her, he would be.  And she would take him for every last cent he has. Over the course of the messages I snooped on she must have mentioned money (or lack thereof) at least 10 times.  Being as Mr. OoT thinks he needs buy people’s affections, he has sent her several gifts.  Including a pizza one night (when he was in another state) when she said she was hungry and didn’t have money for dinner. He’s too stupid (and male) to see the huge red flags. I’m torn between thinking that is the nicest thing ever or the weirdest.

None of this is the point of this post.  The point is this: why the hell would I be jealous of a 35 year old, penniless dipshit whose every profile photo on FB (what? that surprises you too?) is taken with a Snapchat filter? While I am by far heavier, older and certainly not a ‘spinner’ like she is I am also by far and away smarter, more successful, more self sufficient. more age appropriate with no kids and no need to use anyone for their money.  I’m well traveled, well educated and have my shit (mostly) together. Well, aside from dating that is……

I’ve always envied those women that could date someone that they were super into and NOT turn into a jealous wreck knowing they weren’t the only one in the mix.  The women that were confident that they would win out in the end.  Confident that they were the better choice.  Confident that however things turned out would be the right way for them to turn out. The women that could go out with girlfriends and have a blast knowing that the guy they were interested in was on a date with another woman.

While I was absolutely more confident in my younger days, I was never confident enough to believe that the men in my life would choose me in the end.  Is it that I wasn’t confident in myself or confident in them? Not sure. And, to clarify, I am not hoping to ‘win’ Mr. OoT in the end.  We’re done.  I would like to figure out why I can’t be more of a ‘If he’s the right one for me, I’ll know it”, if he’s the right one for me, regardless of how many other women he’s dating (I’m talking about in the initial stages, btw) I’ll just go with the flow and see how things turn out.

 

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Fireworks, Lies & Burgers July 11, 2019

So the plan was for Mr. OoT and I to spend a few days together in his hometown over the 4th of July.  I blocked out my calendar and didn’t take any jobs for 4 days.  4 whole days! Sounds ridiculous, right? 4 days would be the most time we’ve spent together (aside from trips taken) since last year.  We all know I hate his hometown.  As I realized we had been struggling (I’d have to be a complete moron not to), I opted to take the bullet. 😉

 

The day before he was supposed to come home from work (July 1st), we had a huge fight over the phone (over absolutely nothing) he basically told me to fuck off and never contact him again.  As that’s just not my style, I proceeded to call him back.  TEN times!  Feel free to unfollow me now.  In the space of being sent to voicemail ten times I spanned the breakup emotions: panic, fix it mode, super sad, super pissed and finally, just fucking embarrassed that I had reduced myself to this.

 

Okay fine.  We’re done.  Good riddance.  Too bad he owed me some $$$ that I needed to get from him. He’s always paid me back and I guess he could have paypal-ed it (I roll old school like that because, well, I’m old), but wanted the cash in my hand.

 

Long story short (HA, just kidding, are any of my stories short?), I saw him over the weekend.  July 6th, I think.  When I invited myself to his family’s bbq.  Damn, this story does NOT make me sound like a sane individual.  Moving on.  It comes out that he had taken some other girl to his family’s house on the 4th of July.  Uhm, what the ever living fuck?! Like just showed up with someone other than me when everyone was expecting me.  Like it was completely normal.

 

When I let him have it for that and tried (unsuccessfully) to explain how shitty it was for him to be able to move on so fast, he kept saying that it just happened.  It wasn’t planned. He wasn’t looking. She was a friend of a friend’s girlfriend.  It was a set up.  It all sounded like bullshit to me.  And was.  Come to find out (via snooping through his phone like a psycho) that he had been chatting with her since March when we were broken up (that’s when the initial ‘set up’ took place, so being as he thrives on word games and technicalities, he wasn’t lying about the ‘set up’ part, just the timing. Asshole).  He didn’t chat with her for a few months, but I noted, while being a super sleuth psycho, that he started back up talking to her in May and then started hard core flirting in June.  Before said July 1st breakup.

 

The messages were flirty and familiar.  Like they HAD met before.  Like he HAD been to her house.  Like she HAD been to his. All things he denied.  His main arguing point (aside from the complete violation of trust thing in going thru his phone which he was trying to flip onto me being the bad person) was that we were broken up.  Uhm, but we weren’t in May.  Or in June.  His whole ‘it just happened and I met her for the 1st time on the 4th of July’ was a lie.  A big one. While he did just meet her in person last week, he HAS been to her house.  She HAS been to his.  There was some sort of a sleepover situation on the 4th of July.  All things I found out via snooping, not his owning up.

 

All a moot point now as we’re done. For him to have moved on so quickly and to have basically arranged his ‘plan B’ before we were even done makes him a horrible human being.  Not telling me makes him a horrible human being. For as intelligent as Mr. OoT is, he has some huge dumbass tendencies.  #1 being his ability to underestimate me.  He has ‘tells’.  A lot of them.  I like puzzles.  When a piece doesn’t fit, I figure it out. I knew something was going on.  I knew he had someone else waiting in the wings.  I should have been the one to pull the plug……

Death, Anger Management and Family BBQs July 9, 2019

So is it weird that I asked Mr OoT if I could meet his sister from out of town that i hadn’t yet met and go to a family BBQ that his parents were having? No? Well maybe I need to fill in some blanks and then you can decide.

I haven’t written much (or at all) about Mr. OoT and I since just about the beginning of the year. Why you ask? Well that was because I was sparing you all (and myself) the annoyance of rolling your eyes and yelling at the computer.

Mr. OoT and I have issues. Big ones. He has some anger management issues. I have some ‘fixer’ issues. He has some deflection and projection issues. I have some defensive issues. We weren’t the best match to begin with (understatement of the century). Throw in that we are long distance and that makes everything a million times harder.

We’ve been in so many arguments that I’ve lost track. He tells me I fight weird. This is because I don’t engage. I allow him to go off on me and spew some of the most hateful and hurtful things at me and all I do is warn him to make sure he really means the things he’s saying as he can’t take them back once said. This usually just infuriates him more. I’m not quite sure when I became someone that would allow ANYONE to speak to me that way, but here I am. Or was.

This last time was especially cruel. He usually has a somewhat set litany of things that he venomously spews at me, but the past couple of times he’s thrown in new things to the effect of ‘the long line of women waiting to date him’. Uhm, wait, what? I know that Mr. OoT’s version of telling the truth is most rational people’s version of a lie. I know his “tells”. I know he wouldn’t have said this unless he was actually talking to other women. And he has been. How do I know? I went through his phone. And that, my friends is when I realized I was becoming a crazy person. I DO NOT go thru people’s phones. There is never anything good that can come of that. It’s a huge violation of trust and a horrible thing to do. I had to know though. And guess what? He has been overtly flirting with a couple of women. I see that as cheating and crossing the line, he does not. He feels he should get a gold star for not actually sleeping with them when he could have. Uhm no, gold stars are not given for doing the right thing and being a decent human being. Do I think he’d be flirting with other women if we were in a good place? No I don’t. As we aren’t/weren’t does that make it any less shitty? Nope.

One other thing he spewed at me was ‘no wonder you’re alone’. Sort of an odd thing for a supposed boyfriend to say, right? I realized though that he was right. I am alone. I have been for the past year. He’s not here when I need him to be. Physically or emotionally. We fight way too much. He has slowly and systematically crushed my spirit and sense of self worth. When did I become the woman that would allow that?!

I saw him over the weekend. He went off on me again. This time it was different. I fought back. Not in the insane way that he fights, but simply asked, when he finally took a breath, “are you happy now? do you feel better now that you’ve said these horrible things to me? you are truly an asshole and I deserve better” and walked out. I’ve said things to this affect before to no avail. I always counter balance his evil side in my head with his generous spirit and kind, yet hugely damaged, heart and end up giving him a pass. He never truly apologizes. This time was different.

He came to find me and when he did, he was crying. Like hysterically crying. He apologized a million ways, said that I don’t deserve any of this, that he doesn’t know why he does this, that he realizes his anger is getting progressively worse, that I’m one of the best people he’s ever met (I am), that I DO deserve better (I do), that he is going to seek some help and work on himself. He then asked if I think that some people are broken beyond repair. To which I replied ‘yes’.

Do I think he’s broken beyond repair? No, not really. I believe that truly broken people will never actually admit to being broken. Do I hope he gets some help? Yes, I certainly do. For his sake. Will I wait around for him like he asked me to? No, I absolutely will not.

Did I ask to go to his family BBQ on Sunday? Yes, yes I did. I wanted a chance to see his family one last time and get a bit of closure. None of them knew we had broken up (oh, aside from the fact that he brought a different girl with him on the 4th of July! Fucker, but that’s a story for another time). It gave me a chance to see everyone one last time. His dad loves me. His dad implored me to come visit any time, with or without Mr. OoT. That speaks volumes. His sisters were great and must have sensed what was going on.  They both said it was great seeing me and to not let Mr. OoT get away with too much.  They do know him best…..

He wants to remain friends. I said no. He wants me to wait for him. I said no. He wants me to know he will always be here for me. Whatever. Did I tell him to go to hell and never contact me again? No. Not sure why. I will stand my ground this time though.

Oh, and I told him I hated the candle he sent me. In some small way, being the petty bitch he’s always accused me of being made me feel better…..

The Photo July 18, 2018

Mr. OoT and I got some super photos with each other during my/his last visit. Too bad that’s not what this post is about.

Remember the drama queen shit stirring niece of Mr. OoT and the shitty thing she did? Yeah, that’s what this post is regarding.

There were 13 of us in the front room of Mr. OoT’s place. Cramped is an understatement. Most people were sitting on the floor. Not me. I don’t do floors. I was sitting in a chair about 6″ from the front of Mr. OoT’s fridge. That was sort of my spot that weekend. Mr. OoT keeps lots of photos on the front of his fridge that I like to look at. While I’ve never actually moved the photos to see if there were any hidden gems, I loved the photos I could see. They were of Mr. OoT and his kids and they were very sweet. He and his daughter. He and his son. His son and his daughter….you get the idea.

Not that day. Heaven knows where she found it, but when I turned my head to look at the photos the one that stared back at me was of Mr. OoT smiling away with the 5 year girlfriend and her family. What the fuck?

To be clear, everyone has a past. Duh. Everyone has exes. This wasn’t a photo of any of the kids’ moms. It wasn’t a photo containing any of Mr. OoT’s family. It was just Mr. OoT, his ex and her family. Two questions came to mind: #1) why the hell is that photo still around and not filed away somewhere and #2) why the HELL is it center stage on the fridge & staring me in the face?

I have never felt that ‘her’ and Mr. OoT’s story was over. They’ve dated 3 separate times over a 25 year period. He has NO closure on the situation. Their breakup was sudden and weird. Although he tells me there is no way he’d get back with her and that he’s way more into me than he ever was with her, I don’t fully buy it.

Anyway, 2 of his sisters were in earshot when I reactively said ‘what the fuck?’. The spirit animal sister completely understood. The other sister didn’t get it. Dumbass. She was all ‘It’s only a photo and they did date for 5 years’. Uh, sure thing dipshit, I get that, but WHY should I have to look at this photo? The shit stirring neice who did it was all ‘I think it’s a cute photo of everyone’. Again, what the fuck? She knew it wad his ex in the pic. They had met several times. She knew exactly what she was doing. I just can’t figure out why….

Anyway, you know who else didn’t get why I was upset? Mr. OoT. Super. He was all team ‘ it’s just a picture ‘ and could not get it through his head why I was upset about it a) still being anywhere but in a drawer somewhere and b) staring me right in the face on the front of his fridge.

I asked him how he would feel if I had a photo of me, my ex and his family still stuck to my fridge. He said he wouldn’t care. Right. This from the guy who assumed I was seeing someone else and got pissed when I posted a pic of myself and my bff’s son on Instagram….. I was super annoyed at that point and opted to take my dog for an extended walk. I avoided being in the kitchen the rest of the day.

Best part of the whole thing? When he brought it up again hours & hours later when we were lying in bed, I was still trying to get him to understand why it upset me. He asked, I shit you not, if I wanted him to take it down. WHAT THE HOLY FUCK?!? It was still up there!!! I was dumbfounded to hear that he (or anyone else) hadn’t taken it down earlier.

Gah….

Whatever THIS Is…. July 16, 2018

Mr. OoT likes to preface any discussion of ‘us’ by referring to our dating/relationship as ‘whatever THIS is that we’re doing’. It’s so weird. I know he says it that way for my benefit as he’s trying not to freak me out and cause me to run away, but c’mon.

He asked me the other day about steps. As in ‘the next step in whatever this is we’re doing’. He’s big on steps. I told him we could start by his NOT saying ‘whatever this is’ whenever he talks about ‘us’. He asked what he should categorize us as. Uhm, we’re dating. And unless he has someone on the side that I’m unaware of, we’re dating exclusively. Ergo, a relationship. Gasp! I could almost hear him grinning through the phone.

I asked him what he refers to me as to others. He said he calls me his amazing girlfriend. Good man. I call him by his name and say he’s the man I’m seeing. Boyfriend just doesn’t roll off the tongue normally for me at age 50.

Anywhoo, things are good. Although he opted to be away for work for 3 weeks this time instead of 2 without even thinking to mention it to me prior, he was completely open and engaged when I pointed out that most of our challenges happen when he’s away. He’s disconnected which, in turn, makes me disconnected. I asked what we could do to work on that and he suggested, all on his own, that even though we text multiple times a day, that we speak on the phone every 2 days. I thought that a great idea and promptly assumed he’d forget. So far, he makes sure to call me every 2 days…impressive.

My eyes were opened to a few things during his family’s visit. The opinionated, unwavering, opposing viewpointed man that he is now is actually an upgraded version on how he has been in the past. He even said to me ‘this is about as good as it gets. If you’re hoping for bigger changes, I’d appreciate you breaking up with me now as I’m getting very attached.”

Maybe it’s my viewpoint and expectations that need to change. People don’t change who they inherently are. He is who he is. It’s up to me to either adjust or not. He’s trying. He’s doing his best to make me happy. He is kind, good hearted and affectionate towards me. That’s a pretty good thing and I’m getting a little attached myself….

All In The Family July 11, 2018

So my sister came to visit last week. My condescending, judgemental, entitled twin sister. And her husband. Things go one of 2 ways when we get together. Really well or really not. They were here for 4 days.

Mr. OoT left my house around 1pm last Friday. My sister and brother in law arrived at 3:15pm. They opted not to rent a car and told me (not asked me) that I would be picking them up from the airport and driving them everywhere. Uhm, okay. At least they got an Air BnB near my house. I had offered my guest room, but they prefer their own place. Thank god for small miracles.

Anywhoo, we went directly from the airport to happy hour. Duh. That’s just how my family rolls. I had the whole itinerary for their stay worked out. In addition to being lushes, my family are all planners (kinda why Mr. OoT’s inability to plan ahead drives me insane). There were several happy hours, white water rafting, farmer’s markets and chit chat on the itinerary. Oh, and dinner and a comedy show with Mr. OoT, his son and my bff. Yikes.

I don’t think my sister, or anyone in my family, has ever actually met anyone I’m dating. It’s just not my thing. I find it best to keep anyone I might be interested in away from family. To the best of their knowledge I’ve only dated 2 men in my 50 years. Ha.

Now, I had warned my sister that Mr. OoT is a bit rough around the edges. That he’s an opinionated libertarian alien believing creationist and a lover of all things weed related. Oh, and he doesn’t drink. And we do. A lot. I was waiting for some sort of fiasco to occur. None did. Dinner prior to the show lasted for 3 laughter filled hours. Mr. OoT seemed a bit subdued and his son looked like he wanted to kill himself, but I’ll chalk that up to being nervous (and was a bit thankful for that).

During dinner, my twin sister asked Mr. OoT if he had anything planned for my upcoming birthday and he said yes! A weekend away. Now, as he had previously asked me SPECIFICALLY if I would prefer a cabin in the woods or a hotel in the city (duh, the hotel of course), I was certain of his response when my sister asked where. You can imagine my surprise when he proudly announced we would be going to a cabin in the woods. What. The. Fuck. I thought he was kidding. He wasn’t. My sister set him straight on the fact that the words ‘a cabin in the woods’ was a phrase that I had never uttered. Poor Mr. OoT was positive that’s what I had said. Like truly positive and was so proud of himself for remembering correctly.

Needless to say a conversation was had later that evening (in between some amazing bedroom shenanigans) regarding just how scary bad his memory is and that, when he inevitably said it wasn’t, I then told him that he must just be a complete narcissist as he never remembers what I say and always projects what he wants (i.e. a cabin in the woods). It was a calm conversation and actually seemed to hit home. I honestly think it scared him a little to be so certain about something that never happened.

Anywho, the comedy show after dinner was meh, but all in all, it went well. So well that we all planned to ‘do brunch’ the next morning since Mr. OoT and his son were staying over. For whatever reason, Mr. OoT finds the fact that we ‘brunch’ super funny and ‘fancy’ (helped along, no doubt, by my preference of hotels and maid service over woodsy cabins and doing my own cooking when given the choice).

Brunch was great fun. Everyone was much more relaxed and showed who they were. I was a clutz and fell off the curb. My sister and brother in law asked several offensive questions. Mr. OoT vaped and rambled on about disc golf. His son played on his phone. No great surprise.

After brunch we took Mr. OoT’s son back to my house to do whatever 15 year old boys do. Oh, ewww, no, let’s hope that’s not what he did while we were gone…. The rest of us took the dogs for a walk along the river. And I face-planted. No, really, I did. Kind of like a slow motion cartoon style fall. Not embarassing at all. I’m just that uncoordinated.

Mr. OoT and son left after our walk to head back to their town. My sister’s visit lasted for another day and a half. I must say, I enjoyed it. I’m not quite sure that they love Mr. OoT for me, but they saw how much he likes me and were impressed that he’s very open about showing it.

I know he was trying. Really hard. He was nervous to meet them and although he knows they liked him, he is convinced that they’d rather see me with an accountant. Uhm, okay.

It wasn’t nearly as awkward or horrible as I had feared. At least it is out of the way, no one cried and aside from my sister full on linebackering my brother in law out of the raft in the middle of a class 4 rapid, there were no injuries (he was fine, but it was damn funny).

Next up, exactly 4 hours after dropping my sister and BIL at the airport for their flight back home I loaded up my dog and headed to Mr. OoT’s town to meet his family. Parents (who I had already met), 1 brother & 1 sister who I had already met as well, his favorite sister from another state, her 3 adult-ish kids, Mr. OoT’s married daughter and grandson (who, incidentally, were staying with Mr. OoT’s ex girlfriend) and some other assorted nieces and nephews. No pressure, right? Here’s a fun fact about me: I can talk to anyone one on one. Put me in a group of new people (much less a big family with me being odd man out) and I turn into a socially awkward nimrod. Good times ahead…..

Drawers, Speeding Tickets, Parents & Time Lapses May 30, 2018

So I got the drawer.  He was uber cute about it.  To me, it’s just a drawer.  To him, it’s more of symbolic letterman’s jacket.  He’s admitted that he’s the ‘girl’ in the relationship and worries all the time about what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling, if I’m tired of him yet, etc….. Kinda endearing.  And kinda nice for me not to be the more neurotic of the two.  Kinda freaks me out though that he’s seemingly trying to fast forward whatever it is we have going on (more to come on this in another post as this one is already hodge podgey enough)

 

I met his parents this weekend.  Completely unplanned.  They invited us over for a BBQ on Monday.  Mr. OoT HATES his mother.  Apparently she was a horrible, horrible mom.  He’s not the only sibling to feel this way.  He refers to his mom as ‘his dad’s wife’ or the antichrist.  My mom was less than stellar so I get it.  He has nothing good to say about her.  I feel bad.  He loves his dad dearly though, so it’s a bit of a trade-off.  He warned me that his mom is passive aggressive and a bit of a hoarder.  She was actually fine.  A bit neurotic and awkward, but fine.  Even Mr. OoT said that she ‘kept her crazy tucked away pretty well.”  Anywhoo, I’m sure they loved me.  Everyone does.  HA!  I guess I’ll wait to hear what the report comes in as.  I think his hatred of his mom takes up a lot of space in his already overly crammed, never silent mind, so it would be great if he could find some sort of a middle ground.

 

Mr. OoT and I went to a hot springs on Monday evening.  It was okay.  I had grand ideas of how amazing sexy time would be in a private hot springs room.  Huh, not so much.  Firstly, trying to have sex in the water is a bit of a challenge (for many reasons).  Secondly, I guess I wanted the water temp a bit too high for my delicate flower of a man, so he was feeling a bit woozy.  He was SOOOO embarrassed.  I almost felt like shit.  Almost.  Oh well.

 

On the way back to his apartment, I was rewarded with a police car siren and flashing lights in my rear-view mirror.  Super, you can never have enough speeding tickets, right?  To be clear, I WAS speeding.  I usually do.  I like to get to where I’m going.  To also be clear, Mr. OoT HATES cops.  Probably as much as he hates his mother.  I could tell that he was getting all worked up, so I asked him to please not say anything when the policeman approached.  I was driving and it was my car after all.  The policeman came to the window and informed me that I was speeding.  I was polite and lied told him that I had my cruise control set at xx mph, so was confused.  Mr. OoT began to pop off and I had to shush him.  When the cop walked away to run my license, Mr. OoT began a litany of  reasons that cops suck.  I basically had to tell him to shut the fuck up; in a nice way, of course.  After the 3rd time of rewording my ‘shut the fuck up’, he finally did.  The cop let me off with a warning (to which I thanked him and Mr. OoT wasn’t happy that I did that) and we were on our merry way again.  It could have been worse.  I handled it well.  I was polite and respectful.  Mr. OoT was not.  I was pissed.  He could have gotten me (and himself) in a lot of trouble.  He is seemingly unable to harness his self righteous ideals about things when it comes to deciding the best way to handle a specific situation.  Concerning, to say the least.

 

All in all we had a fun 4 days.  I got home Tuesday morning.  It was a good time.  Although still being the flakey, bad memory having, peter pan (ish) guy that he always was, he’s also super sweet to me.  Stay tuned for the ‘fast forward’ and my impending (or not) freak out …………….

 

Snoring, Drawers & Weird Sisters May 26, 2018

His, not mine.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I have weird sisters as well.  His is just extra special weird.  When I was here last, she came over to talk to Mr. OoT and, as I was in the room and am a judgy bitch intuitive, she is one of those people that thrives on chaos.  Self created, self defeating chaos.  Although having a good heart, I found her exhausting to be around.  Her energy was uber draining.  In an attempt to do something nice for her as I don’t think she’s familiar with random people being kind to her, I brought her a gift this time around.  We had spoken a bit about my love of crystals and she said she believe in the powers of them as well.  I selected a Rose Quartz for her.  If anyone ever needed one, it’s her.  So I brought it with me and gave it to her yesterday when she stopped by and she made it so FUCKING WEIRD.  I have no idea what her deal was, but it was super off putting.  She said thank you, but she didn’t mean it.  I’m not really one to give people more than a couple chances (unless they’re totally inappropriate men), and as this was strike number 2, I’m going to do my best to avoid her in the future.  The fact that she just couldn’t say thank you and move on was just annoying.  As Mr. OoT has a BIG family and I’m not the only one to find this sister draining and exhausting, I don’t feel so bad.  Well, I kinda do, but hell if I’m going to go out of my way to be nice to someone that I don’t vibe with.  I tried.  I failed. Moving on.

 

Now about this snoring.  Holy hell, it’s an issue.  A big one.  After 4 rounds of sexy time with Mr. OoT yesterday, momma needs her sleep.  That just doesn’t happen.  I have never heard anything so loud.  Like wake the dead loud.  As an added bonus, he’s a thrasher as well.  On the off times that his foghorn downgrades to just breathing loudly, he usually thrashes around.  Big time.  I would seriously pay big money to be able to tell what goes on in his brain when he sleeps.  Honestly, I have no clue how HE is even able to sleep with all that noise an thrashing.

 

After deciding to get some sleep at 2:48 am (not bad for an old fart, eh?), I finally gave up at 5:30am.  Lovely.  I have this awesome tracker bracelet (a gift from said snoring wonder) that also tracks sleep.  Not just in amount, but in quality.  It breaks it down into deep sleep and light sleep.  I am presently typing you all on a whopping 46 minutes of deep sleep.  No bueno.  I see an exhaustion migraine coming on at any moment.  If anyone has any suggestions for me short of smothering him with a pillow (which I have considered several times), please share.

 

Anywhoo, yesterday was fun.  It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him.  I like him.  Plain and simple.  He’s morphing a bit into a different version of himself from the one that I initially met.  He’s still every bit as defiantly non conformist/hippie tree hugger as he ever was and I’d never want that to change.  People need to be true to who they are.  He still has wildly different views on things than I do.  He still thinks I’m an uber square.   He is just more respectful; less self involved.  Hell, he even puts the toilet seat down!  Not a small kindness for a lot of men.  The more time I spend with him, the more I like him.

 

Oh, and that elusive drawer that he was going to dedicate to me?  He actually did!  And it’s charming as hell just HOW proud he is of this.  He asked me last night, when we were talking about just about everything under the sun, how I felt about having a drawer in his place.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that, to me, it’s just a drawer.  He sees it as a BIG token.  Like the dresser version of giving me his letter-man jacket.  So sweet.

Here Comes The Bride January 23, 2017

Zilla, that is.  If you’ve been paying attention (and your eyes haven’t glazed over reading my boring non dating related drivel) you remember that my twin sister got married a few weeks ago (as I just found this in my drafts folder, it’s now been 3 years, not a few weeks but it’s still relevant-ish).  And that every single person in my family is insanely self involved.  Aside from me, that is. 😉 No, really.  So sis is getting married again and I figured it wouldn’t bother me all that much to not be involved in any way, shape or form.  I mean, we’re only twins after all.  We only shared a womb for 9 months.  I only used to defend her in grade school when kids would pick on her.  I only used to send her money in college when she would run out of funds on her food card.  I only paid for her 1st wedding.  Why would I think I’d be upset by not being included in wedding #2?  She’s an old fart like me, this is her 2nd wedding and why would it even be some big huge ‘event’.  Oh wait, it was.  And the festivities spanned the better part of an entire week.  And I was included in none of them.  Nice.

Anyway, day of, I went to the ceremony early so that I could help my sister get ready and/or go get anything she may have forgotten.  I was greeted with a ‘hi, you’re early, you can come in for a second, then you need to leave’.  Uh, okay.  Happy fucking wedding day to you.  The ceremony was lovely.  I was included in all of one family photo, not acknowledged in the least, and that was that.  Gotta love family.

Until the reception.  The reception was being held at a terrific restaurant in town (which I have since been banned from ….. read on).  I was one of 70 guests and was seated nowhere near the head table.  Okay.  I was also the token single person amongst a sea of couples.  What was I left to do but drink.  I’m good at drinking, right?  At least I used to be.  I lost count after glass #4 of Pinot Grigio.  Why wine, you ask?  Well, it was an open bar for wine and beer only, so of course, I chose wine over my beloved martinis.  Anywho, the food was awesome.  The company was okay.  All was going ‘okay’ until mom got up and made some fucked up toast about ‘at least one of her daughters was able to find a good guy and provide her with grandkids’.  Uhm….. I kinda hoped that I had misunderstood the undertone of the toast, but sadly, when I looked around and saw everyone around me looking at me, I knew I understood it exactly as it was stated. (have I told you lately how much I love my overly supportive and thoughtful family?)

I don’t remember much after that.  I remember the yummy appetizers.  And 1st course.  And pasta course.  I remember the entrees being placed in front of us.  And that’s about it.  I don’t remember the next 3 glasses of wine.  I don’t remember dessert.  I don’t remember doing the uber ridiculous running around declaring how much I loved everyone.  Best yet?  I don’t remember how I got out to the front of the restaurant.  Or throwing up all over the place.  Or apparently calling someone in tears to come pick me up.  There seems to be a good 2 hours missing from the evening.  I am the embodiment of class.  With a capital ‘K’, that is.

• Just found this goodie in my drafts folder.  It’s a few years old, but I can’t believe I never posted it!!