43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

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Protected: A Question March 27, 2018

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No Peeking March 11, 2018

So it’s March 11th. I declared on March 9th that I was taking the month off from online aggravation dumbasses disappointments dating. That I wasn’t going to even check my messages. Ha. Declarations be damned. I checked my messages yesterday. And kinda wish I hadn’t. Gah, not ONE of the new guys that messaged me excited me. Truth be told, none of the men that I had been messaging with excited me either.

I know I declared I would only date guys that I wasn’t insanely attracted to, but damn. Just a smidge of excitement would be good.

Today consisted of a complete muscle-head who had to mention working out in every single f*ing sentence. When I called him out on it, he defended himself by explaining why he is so obsessed with it. Good reason or not, an obsession is an obsession. Oh, and he thinks female body builders are sexy *gag*. No thanks.

The next is a ‘therapist’. Oh yey! I could use some free therapy. He asked for my number and assuming he would text me, I gave it to him. Nope, he called. Within about 4 seconds. What ensued was the most painful 20 minutes of awkward, stilted, silence ridden conversations of my life. I just wasn’t feeling it. Oh, and when I asked him about his practice, he clarified. He’s not a ‘therapist’; he’s a massage therapist. And I’m probably the only woman in the world that isn’t excited by that tidbit.

I could go on to share the other ‘gems’, but I’m just too damned annoyed at this point. Carry on with your Sunday….

 

2 More…. March 5, 2018

Nights, not 28 year olds silly. Still at the beach, still loving everything about being here. Kinda lost my mojo after the 1st night though.

Not sure where it went. Not feeling so awesome about myself for whatever reason. Not sure why. Oh wait, yes I do. Those friends that like to pigeon hole me are at it again. Today alone I have been asked why I’m so pissed off (I wasn’t), why I was in a bad mood (I wasn’t), I was (jokingly, I assume/hope) teased for being a drunk (I’m not) and a whore (I wish). I was referred to as old too. All amazing things for my self confidence.

There is a whole new slew of college boys in town. Sure, they’re MUCH to young for me, but the fact that are joking around and chatting up all my friends (who are much older than me) and haven’t even glanced in my direction is a total bummer.

To top it all off, I just totally lost my shit. In a public place. In front of everyone. Regarding an amazingly ill handled issue. You see, in addition to being a snarky professional online dater, I’m a very intelligent & well spoken woman (on any topic not regarding a cute guy) who doesn’t really enjoy not beimg in control of my emotions. Alcohol may have been involved…..

 

What Not To Do…. February 7, 2018

Filed under: I suck,karma,single,Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:32 am

So I moved to a new town. Old me, old set of bullshit, new town, new plan. I always have a plan. And usually a plan B. And they usually come to fruition. Well, in all things aside from my dating life. We all know what a shit-show that is.  I’m an entrepreneur at heart. I’m creative and organized and know how to get shit done. Part of my plan for this move was to get a ‘job’. Just something to keep me busy, earn a bit of money and meet people. Uhm, that has NOT happened, and it’s totally fucking with my confidence.  Some of the dumbest shit ever has come out of my mouth during these interviews.  If it wasn’t so cringe worthy, it would be funny.

Like the interview with the prison. No, seriously. What a cool way to meet people! No, not the inmates, but guards, employees, detectives, policemen, attorneys, whoever. I interviewed with the warden, someone from HR and one of the head guards.  I pretty much nailed my interview.  Emphasized my organizational skills, likeability, team playeredness (I know that’s not actually a word) and enthusiasm for the job.  Then I threw in how I’m able to ‘think outside the box’ to get things done. Uhm, hello? It’s a fucking prison! They don’t want to hear how creative I can be. They want to hear that I follow rules and never deviate from the plan. Duh.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, as the warden was walking me out I said (you better sit down for this one) “I look forward to hearing back from you regarding the position.” But wait, that’s not all. Then I threw in, god knows why, “I’m excited about the opportunity; I don’t have family here, so I’m always available”. What. The. Fuck. ?!?!? Why on earth would I say that? The poor warden probably thought I was hitting on him. Needless to say, I did not get a call back for the the 2nd round of interviews.

That interview was in follow up to the airline interview. Hello? Flight benefits anyone? I was absolutely convinced I would get this job. As we’ve all learned by now, overly confident never ends well for me. I was nervous, nerdy, awkward and pretty much stuttered my way through the most embarrassing interview of my life. The best part (and by ‘best’, I of course mean completely mortifying) was when I was asked about a company that I had brand loyalty to and why.  Ready for this one? Like the complete and utter moron that I was that day, I used one of their competitors for my example!! Seriously?! Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.

So here I sit, with way too much time on my hands, deciding what I can fuck up next. As it obviously won’t be a job, I can only assume that it will be the date that I have set up for tonight…..

 

Support January 31, 2018

It’s important.  And I’m not talking about in a new bra kinda way.  Although I did just get some of those in the anticipation that someone might actually see them in the not so distant future, but we all know how that went.  So for now, it’s just me & my dog that get to partake in the visual.  However, my online dates get to benefit from the newly found perk.  But I digress …..

I fixate.  A lot.  For a strong, independent Type A personality, I am oddly needy and insecure at times.  Usually around men.  Oh hell, who am I kidding?  Always around men. Men that I like. No clue when this all started as I didn’t used to be this way.  I was the one in college that would party with, sleep with and not give a care about some of the hottest and nicest guys on campus.  I just wasn’t worried about it.  I was young and cute and had my shit together.  That seems like a lifetime ago.

Anywhoo, you all know my new theory about dating down.  About only dating guys that don’t make me insane.  Only dating guys that I will be happy to see, but not obsess about if I don’t.  The way I fixate on men is truly disturbing.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean fixate in a Glenn Close, boiled pet bunny sort of way.  My fixations only wreak havoc on my own psyche and that of my friends as they have to listen to me spin out of control.

I was out with my best girlfriend in town last night.  Her son and several of his friends were there as well.  I stated my new dating decision to her.  She looked at me inquisitively and I said, with as much self awareness as I’ve always had ‘I just can’t handle dating men that I’m totally into; it makes me a little insane’.  Being the good and supportive friend that she is, she rolled her eyes and declared ‘no shit’.  She fully supports this new decision of mine.

I am off to meet a new online date.  I promise you that if he is too handsome, too nice, too smart, too witty, too anything, that I will high tail it out of there as fast as I can.  Here’s hoping that he’s ‘just nice enough’ for me to not spin out of control……..

 

Dating Down January 29, 2018

Now, before anyone jumps my shit, take a deep breath and just read. Dating down has many connotations. Most of them negative. It implies that you’re better than someone else. That they aren’t as worthy. That they aren’t up to your standards. That is NOT what I am referring to. I don’t look down on others. Well, I do, but not my brave online dates, and if it happens, they usually deserve it for being a shitty human being.

I’m not a shitty person. As a matter of fact, I’m a damn good person. A damn good person who’s a pretty good catch. A damn good person who doesn’t need anyone else’s money. A damn good person who doesn’t care what a person has, but instead cares about who they are as person. A damn good person with some pretty significant insecurities. A damn good person who often hides these insecurities under a thick layer of self deprecation, humor and sarcasm. I’m nothing if not self aware. I know I can be an idiot a lot sometimes. I know at times that I have the emotional maturity of a petulant 7 year old. I own it though. I own it all. All my shit that is tied up in nice little compartments with decorative bows.

Dating down has nothing to do with looks or character or wealth or height or weight or anything that you can put your finger on. It has to do with me owning my shit. It has been proven time and time again that I cannot handle dating someone that I’m totally into. I turn into this crazy insecure idiot that I do not like. It brings out ALL of my insecurities and makes me question (and ultimately ruin) everything. You don’t believe me? Remember everyone’s favorite douchebag TD? The one who ruined my life (and blog) for more than 2 years more like 4years? The one that made me question absolutely everything about myself and what I brought to the table? The one who stole my happy from me and morphed from the most amazing man ever, to one of the worst? I know I had something to do with that. I always do. No one is ever blameless.

I just can’t handle really liking someone. NYE date is a prime example. I went out with the guy twice. I really liked him. If I didn’t get a text from him each morning or if he took too long to respond to a text of mine (according to my fucked up time frame), my mind would take over and I’d start spinning. It’s insane. It makes ME feel insane. It’s not a good feeling and I don’t want to do it anymore.

In the spirit of self preservation, I have decided that I can only date men that I am fairly ‘meh’ about. Guys that I like, but that I’m not 100% into. This doesn’t mean they’re not good people or unattractive, it’s just men that for whatever reason, I don’t connect with. I’m a great date with guys that I’m not all that into. I don’t second guess everything I say. I don’t worry about what they’ll think. I don’t worry if they think I’m pretty. Or if my ass looks big in these jeans. I’m just my authentic self, say what I want and let the cards fall where they may.

I have had a couple ‘meh’ dates since I moved here. I was funny and witty and charming and the guys liked me. They wanted to go out again. I agreed. Nothing has been set up yet, though. Here’s the difference: whereas I would start spinning from not hearing from a guy I like within 2 days (okay, who am I kidding, within 2 hours), I’m actually okay not hearing from them. I don’t obsess over it. My mind doesn’t create stories. My insecurities don’t come racing to the forefront. I’m okay either way hearing from them or not.

While this may sound shitty, I don’t think it is. It could be one of those things where ‘love grows’ or whatever such bullshit you read in a greeting card. I just know that for me, it’s ‘safer’ for me to not care so much. To not be so invested. To not have my mind spinning out of control. I’ve heard time and again people say that you should be with someone who loves you more than you love them. I always thought that sounded pretty sad and was a bunch of bullshit. I think that’s what I need to do though. I can’t handle it otherwise ……

 

Why, Oh Why ….. January 26, 2018

Filed under: bumble,dating,I suck,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:38 am

So I am trying to figure out what to send to NYE date to get him to respond.  Mind you, he had always responded in the past, just sometimes with one word answers and had stopped initiating contact on his own.  But he always responded.  My mind went to shitty anyway and I hate myself for it.  I wrote down multiple message that I could potentially send that would have him let me see him.  Yes, I am just that insane.  Yes, we saw each other exactly twice.  Yes, we slept together.  I kinda felt that I deserved better than the ‘slow fade out’ and wanted an answer.  Kind of like an exit interview.  With a bit of self loathing thrown in for good measure.

Out of all the sample messages I wrote; some pathetic, some funny, some needy, for some ridiculous reason I opted for a somewhat curt and shitty sounding one that said I needed to talk to him.  That I would make it quick, but it needed to happen.  I told him (yes, told, didn’t ask – I hate myself) to let me know when he was available.  He responded right away and said I could come over the next day.  In hindsight, the way my message was worded, he probably thought I was going to tell him I gave him some sort of disease.

I went over there and was all ready to just blurt out what I wanted to say and ask what happened when that shitty thing that my mind and memory does when I get nervous kicked in.  I forgot everything I wanted to say and ask and kinda stood there like an idiot.  I may have even called myself an idiot.  Nice work, Grey.  I stuttered through part of what I wanted to say when he stops me and tells me that he is making some changes, that it was ‘bad timing’ (I HATE that and truly believe that unless you’re about to be incarcerated or be deported, that there is no such thing as ‘bad timing’ if you like someone) and that he was re-evaluating everything.  He then told me all that he was going to switch up.  That is was nothing I did, it was him. (2nd most hated excuse beside ‘bad timing’ is the ever shitty ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ for which there is NO recourse). For whatever reason, my ridiculous empathy kicked in and somehow the conversation changed to me trying to make him feel better.  What. The. Fuck.

Oh wait, it actually gets worse.  Much worse.  He talks about himself for a bit and all the changes he is trying to make regarding relationships, going to the gym, eating habits, blah, blah, blah and I say ………. wait for it ……….. so, all that being said, could we maybe try this again?  Yes, I know.  Crickets ……..

What. The. Fuck. Grey.  Soooo many tried and true methods of shooting myself in the foot at play ………. *sigh*

 

All Good Things Must Come To An End January 24, 2018

Filed under: bumble,I suck,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:21 am

You knew it was coming.  This is me, after all, right?  Yea, that whole positivity thing for 2018 is on a bit of a hiatus.  Try to control your shock and surprise.

So I ‘netflixed and chilled’.  I thought I dodged another bullet.  Just in case you’re keeping count, that would be twice.  With the same guy.  1 for making out with him after the 1st date and 1 for going to his house on a random Wednesday afternoon and doing things that I normally wait WAY too long to do with a new guy.

But he texted after, so all is good, right?  He texted that night.  The next morning.  The next evening and even the one after that.  And then ………… nothing.  Super.  I texted to see if all was okay.  He said he was sick.  I asked if I could bring him anything and got a simple ‘no thanks’.  After a few more days of no contact, I sent a semi lame ‘I hope you’re feeling better.  Hopefully we can meet up this weekend as I’d like to find out more about you as I like what I know so far’.  Oh shut up, I know it’s lame.  I’m just not a game player.  If I like a guy, I let him know it.  Might actually have something to do with the fact why I’m still single.  I realize men like the ‘chase’ and women who play hard to get.  That’s just not me.  Anyway, I sent the text and got back ‘I wish I was’.  No reference to getting together or my invitation.  Of course instead of assuming it was an oversight on his part (the guy is sick after all, right?), I assume it was intentional.  Yes, I know, my mind works in sucky ways, but c’mon.  Our texts had been waning and ‘old’ me was winning out over my new positive thinking, let the universe do it’s thing ‘new’ me. (side note: I actually wrote myself a post it that said ‘stop overthinking – he likes you – you’re a great catch’.  I stuck it to my bathroom mirror where I would see it each day.  And promptly invalidated all those positive thoughts.)

I hate the way my mind works.  I hate how prideful I am sometimes.  The guy was sick, right?  It had been over a week since I’d heard from him, 2 weeks since I’d seen him, so of course I assumed (most likely rightly so) that he just wasn’t interested.  You can still send a text when sick, right? Instead of just sending a text asking as much, I agonized over reasons in my head.  Instead of just letting it go and accepting what it was, I wanted a reason.  Oh god, this can’t end well ……………..

 

Protected: Netflix and Chill January 22, 2018

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Social Experiment January 12, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,dating,I suck,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:43 pm

Yes, I’ve decided to conduct another one of my uber scientific social experiments.  And by uber scientific, I of course mean half-assed and not scientific in the least.  Don’t get too excited, it’s nothing like my less than brilliant idea to cram as many dates as possible into 1 week which ended in an exhausting carousel of 6 disappointing 1st dates in a 7 day time span.

This experiment happened more by chance than planning and it all started on new year’s day eve.  As I was hanging at my amazing vacation getaway and being surprisingly okay with just having celebrated yet another single new years (which I’ve since decided that I’m not actually all that okay with being single), I remembered something.  Something that I had thought about doing every year, right around new years.  Something that I never actually pulled the trigger on.  Something that I finally decided couldn’t be ‘that bad’, could it?  Famous last words.

I’m a 5’10” blonde woman.  That’s my identifier.  Well, besides my sparkling personality and quick wit.  I have a bit of grey, but it truly shows as highlights in my blonde hair and not grey.  I have a big chunky section of ‘grey’ that looks like a very cool and completely intentional highlight.  It’s not.  And I don’t care.  It never bothered me and still doesn’t.  It doesn’t look ‘grey’.  I don’t look old.  As a matter of fact, I’ve been told many times that I look nowhere near my age.  I choose to believe these nice comments as not one of the people was trying to sleep with me.  And really, even if they were lying, it’s still nice to hear.

So back to new years day eve.  Me, my dogs, my ocean view and ……… a very awesome looking box of ‘deep burgundy’ hair color.  What could go wrong with me dying my blonde hair to ‘deep burgundy’?  On my own, after a few cocktails.  So I did it.  I died my hair to this luscious looking shade of burgundy.  Or at least that’s how it looked on the box.  On me, well, not so much.  It’s more red than burgundy and more ‘look at me’ than subtle.  Eh, whatever.

Let’s see how long this lasts.  Even better, lets see if blondes DO have more fun than my red headed alter ego.  Being as I have set the bar fairly low the past couple of years, there’s a good chance that my ginger-self will win!  Stay tuned……

 

007 November 29, 2016

So now I have the ‘what if’ in the back of my mind regarding Repo Man.  That sucks.  What ifs always measure up (in my head) better than reality.  Super.

While I was texting with Repo Man, another interesting fellow started chatting me up on Bumble.  He was funny and tall and kind and had yet another fascinating job!  2 in a row with occupations that fascinate me?  That’s crazy talk!

Anywhoo, 007 locks down a 1st date pretty quickly and as my motto is usually oh crap, another 1st date ‘why not?’ I agreed.  He was very cute about it in not wanting to tell me anything about it.  Er, you all (the 2 remaining) know that my usual MO is to meet for a drink.  No fuss, no muss & a quick escape if need be.  007, however, had a whole ‘plan’ for the evening.  Okay, I’m game.

The one hint he tells me is to ‘wear comfortable shoes and bring rubber bands’.  Uhm, what?  I can’t decide if this is cute or just creepy and heaven knows I hate not being able to figure something out.  Is he going to drop me in the desert and make me follow a tracked course out?  Is he going to rubber band my mouth shut so I can’t entertain him with my snarky humor?  Is he going to spend the evening doing that annoyingly painful rubber band flicking thing?  I was so ridiculously confused by this that I actually googled ‘comfortable shoes and rubber bands’ to try and figure it out.  That was absolutely no help as it just took me to running shoe websites.  Damn.

The day of arrives and he finally tells me where we’re going but NOT why on earth I need to bring rubber bands.  Colored ones, you know.  I show up to where we are meeting complete with colored rubber bands and a suspicious attitude. He shows up (5 minutes late) and has a great big smile on his face!  He’s just a HAPPY good guy!  We had a great time talking and walking and learning about one another.  He’s very easy to talk to.  I’m just not sure that the chemistry is there.  We went to dinner after (look at me breaking all my rules!) and he locked down date #2.  I loved that.  No “will he or won’t he” internal monologue.

He picked up the check for both activities and we hugged goodbye.  There was a date #2 …. but I’ll tell you about that later.

Oh, and those rubber bands?  We made bracelets out of them!  How cute is that?!

 

That’s Not The Ending I Wrote…. April 16, 2016

Filed under: dating,I suck,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:21 pm
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One of these days you’re going to check in to find a post about a wonderful date that I had with a man I met online and how bright our future looks together.  Today isn’t that day.

Today is the sad, sad update to this guy.  The one that I’ve seen all over town for the past year.  The one that my friend wanted to set me up with a year ago and I said no.  The one that I actually met in person the other night.

I went to a happy hour with one of my meetup groups and he was there!  Yey.  My chance to just walk up, introduce myself, make a cute reference to us both being Packers fans and viola’, love would bloom from there.  Unfortunately, that’s not what really happened.  The second he got there he started speaking with the ex boyfriend of one of my best girlfriends.  As that relationship didn’t end well, let’s say that he’s not one of my biggest fans.  Super.  I did manage to walk over and introduce myself, but that was it as the daggers that my friend’s ex was shooting me via his look was a bit uncomfortable.  Okay, I made contact and now I’d just wait for the swooning (on his part) to start.  It didn’t.  He ended up hanging with ex-bf the entire evening, so I left.  Boo.

As will happen when I’m bored stiff, I logged onto POF the next day.  And guess who came up in my ‘swipe left/right’ thing?  Mr. Packer’s Fan!  Fine.  I’ll bite the bullet and send him a short message.

Me:  Hi Mr. Packer’s Fan, I met you last night at happy hour.  You wrote a terrific profile and it sounds like we have a lot in common!  We could compare (referenced in his profile) gadgets sometimes.  Anyway, I hope you’re having a great day.  As you came up in my matches today, I just thought I’d say ‘hi’.

Of course, my anticipated outcome would be for him to pick up where I left off and indeed suggest meeting up to compare gadgets.  Or to make reference to something in my profile.  Or write anything to continue the dialogue.  What I got instead was this:

Him:  Hi Grey Goose, it was nice meeting you last night.  I’ll be sure to keep my eyes out for you at the next happy hour.

Huh.  Although pleasant enough, he may as well just have written ‘I’m not interested’.  Boo.  No clue how guys do it all the time.  What a crappy feeling!

 

 

Karma, Fate & I Get A Date! November 16, 2015

Filed under: dating,I suck,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:47 pm

So about a year ago, a friend of mine that I had met via Meetup, which is very cool social ‘club’, told me that he had someone he thought I might like.  He said he was tall, we had common interests and he was an uber nice guy.  He showed me a picture of him and after having one of my man hungry girlfriends practically jump across the table to get a look for herself, I made some hugely self deprecating comment about him needing to be a chubby chaser.  I know, I know, my lack of self esteem at times is annoying even to me.  Anywhoo, my friend didn’t want to actually set us up, but rather just point me in the right direction and then possibly have us in the same place.  As far as I know, my friend never even showed Mr. Potential my picture, so I was still an unknown to him.  No harm, no foul if either or both of us wasn’t interested in the other.  As I was in the process of getting a large group of friends together for a happy hour, my friend said he’d invite him to join.  Perfect, right?  If I liked him, awesome.  If I didn’t, my man hungry friend would probably jump him and we’d all have a fun night regardless.  Win, win!   Turns out he was out of town the night we were getting together, so I never met him.  Boo.

Fast forward 2 months to the 4th of July and I go with a couple of girlfriends, and about 10,000 other people, to see the fireworks.  Who do I see?  Yup.  That guy.  As he appeared to be on a date (and I was being a pussy), I didn’t go introduce myself.

Fast forward another few months when football season starts and a girlfriend and I go watch the game at local bar.  Guess who was there? Yup.  Apparently we root for the same team.  Yey! Awesome excuse to go up and introduce myself!  But I didn’t.  Why?  Because I suck, that’s why.

I’ve seen him a couple more times (no clue if he’s seen me, or if he knows who I am) at that same bar on gameday, but apparently rooting for football is just about the only ‘game’ I have these days.

It’s been about a month and a half  since I’ve seen him out and about.  As all two of you you know, I reactivated my Match profile last week and the most enthusiasm I could muster up was to switch my main profile pic to one of me wearing a shirt with ‘my’ team on it.  Great idea right?  Although I’m not a huge football fan, I am very loyal to this specific team and as it’s NFL season, it’s an easy way for anyone to strike up and online conversation with me!  Gosh, I’m brilliant.

Anywhoo, as I was at home watching ‘my’ team lose yesterday, I check my match.com messages on my phone to see that I have a message from someone I don’t recognize and it says simply ‘we stink’.  Uh, rude!

After the game was over, I logged into match on my computer to check out this guy’s profile and try to figure out what he meant.  As I’m looking through pics, I see that this guy is a fan of the same team.  I’m hoping he was referencing ‘our’ team’s recent losing streak and not that he can tell that I hadn’t yet showered for the day.  Well, much to my surprise I see that it’s the guy I’ve been seeing all over town!  Who, by the way, looks completely different in pictures.  Not better or worse, just different (lesson learned friends ~ you can’t always trust pictures and it works both ways; good and bad)

Of course I wrote back, not mentioning that I kinda knew who he was, with a cute little snippet about our team being a little sad lately.

Yey!  Karma & fate have finally come to my aid in the dating department!  How lucky am I, right?

Apparently not very as he didn’t write back.  Boo.

 

I’m Here To Report…. March 11, 2015

Filed under: bad dates,dating,I suck,interent dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:04 am

That I really have nothing much to report.

I did have a dinner date the other night though.  No need to go getting all excited for me.  You know my rule about 1st dates/meet and greets/whatevers NOT being over a meal as there is no quick get away, but he invited me to an awesome restaurant in town and I accepted  I met him there, on time, and he was already waiting.  Nice touch to be early.  We had had some very nice message exchanges over the past couple of weeks but I wouldn’t say there was anything exciting about them.  As we work in the same industry, we had some common ground to talk about.  I did want to the chance to meet in person though, so didn’t hesitate when he invited me to dinner.

Unfortunately, there was just about zero chemistry between us.  He is nice enough but looks much older than his 47 years.  We talked about lots of things because really, that’s what I do.  Even though I know that there’s nothing on my end, I want to make sure that he has a nice time.  So we talked.  And talked.  And he’s got some long standing issues that even if I was attracted him, would be an enormous red flag for me.

As I always do, when I know I’m not interested, I offered to split the check and he declined.  Very classy.  As we parted ways, he gave me a hug and told me that he had enjoyed a nice dinner and nice conversation.  And that was that.

Now, about the guy I’m meeting tonight.  Uhm, not quite sure why I’m going.  I spoke with him on the phone Friday night as he states clearly in his profile that he won’t meet anyone without first having a phone conversation.  He wants to make sure that the other person is able to carry on a conversation.  Uhm, he should probably take that pre requisite out of his profile as it was just about the most annoying phone conversation I’ve ever had.  He was either drunk, overly tired or has a lisp.  An hour later of ‘to make a long story short’ and his talking incessantly about himself I had pretty much decided that he was the biggest misogynist on the planet and somewhat of an ass.  I politely told him that I needed to get some sleep and that was that.  Until he texted me the next day with ‘I am comfortable moving on to meeting in person’.  Seriously?  You are?  I’m not sure if I’m meeting him in order to see if he’s just as big an ass in person, or in the hopes that he’s not.  I’ve considered cancelling several times over the past couple of days, but I’m pretty sure I’ll go.  And also pretty sure I’ll be texting my friends what a douche he was 15 minutes later………

 

What Not To Do The Day Before Valentine’s Day February 13, 2015

Filed under: dating,I suck,internet dating,online dating,single,TD — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:20 pm

How did I spend my Friday, you ask?  Oh, you didn’t?  Well too bad, I’m going to tell you anyways.  I made the rounds of old boyfriends and old, whatever the hell TD was categorized as.  Not my most brilliant move.  Didn’t even really occur to me today what I was doing until I found myself, sitting on my bed and staring at the ceiling feeling uber sorry for myself.

I went to see ex bf #1 for very valid reasons.  We are friends.  He was very sweet to me during the recovery from my horrendous surgery last year.  He watches my dogs for me.  I watch his.  We haven’t dated for probably 7 or 8 years, but we’re still in contact and that’s a-ok with his new live in love.  They are very happy together and I’m happy (ish) for them.  I went over today to check on him as he just went through something pretty difficult.  We chatted a bit, I dropped off some food for him.  He gave me some supplies for my dogs and that was that.  He’s on his way to happily ever after and I’m on my way to………..i don’t know. 😦

Next stop was to take TD’s kids’ Valentine’s Day presents.  Yes, I know, they’re too old for that, but it makes me happy to do it, so I do.  As TD had already announced that he was headed to Vegas today, I assumed he had already left when his son told me to come over any time before 3pm today.  So I did.  And I walked up and rang the front doorbell.  A seemingly innocuous thing, but something I haven’t done in over a year.  I usually wait in my car, on the curb, for the kids and text them to come out.  I don’t want to make TD feel uncomfortable (or myself), so I just never get out of my car.  Anyway, his son his son’s girlfriend greeted me and told me to come in as no one was home (TD or ‘her’) and so I did.  We sat in the kitchen and chatted, I looked at a calendar that TD’s daughter had ordered for him full of pictures from last year.  Sorry, full of pictures of he and ‘her’ from last year.  Yeah, that kinda hurt.  Anyway, as I was leaving I saw a suitcase in the hallway and asked what it was doing there.  Apparently TD hadn’t left for Vegas yet after all, but most likely went screaming out the door when he heard I was coming over.  I immediately felt totally uncomfortable and said I needed to go as I had assumed (yes, well aware of what they say about assuming and yes, I felt like a huge ass) TD was already gone.

Driving home it made me sad to realize that TD does that every time I’m coming to the house.  Even though I never get out of the car, he makes a point to not be there.  Whether he does that for his sake or mine, I don’t know.  Makes me feel like shit though.  I go out of my way to steer clear and not cause waves, yet I always seem to be accused of causing waves.  Anywhoo, as I was driving home, I imagined TD coming home and getting pissed that I was inside the house.  In order to try to avoid a nastygram coming my way (or at least that’s what I told myself), I sent a quick text saying that I was sorry I missed him at the house and to have a great weekend in Vegas.  To which I got no response.  Go figure.

So basically, as I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling and bemoaning my single status, I had to face the hard fact of the matter that despite all the mean hearted things he’s said to me over the past year (2 really), I still have some pretty big issues regarding him.  As in, I might want him back.  Not that I ever had him, mind you, but I want to try.  Again.  Feel free to virtually bitch slap me for just posting that.

Disclaimer: I know that although I may want to ‘see’ again, I’m not stupid enough to think that he does.  Despite it all though, I’m pretty damn sure that if both ‘she’ and I were trapped in a burning building and he could only save one of us, it would be me.  Just another delusion to add to the pile…….. I will continue to try and navigate the uber defeatest world of online dating and really try to figure out if it’s him that I really want back, or that I just want someone.  Not ‘anyone’, mind you, but ‘someone’.  Someone damn special……..

Don’t you just love when I get all introspective and pathetic?