43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Reminders January 21, 2020

Why is it that after a year and a half of tantrums (his, not mine), arguments, name calling and all around ridiculousness, my brain is fighting me to not discount all of this and remember all the good times.

All the fun we had.  The times he was sweet and thoughtful.  The time (just once) that he drove to my town to surprise me. The times he was a great boyfriend.  Our relationship was ridiculous.  Both his fault and mine.  I resisted liking him.  I fought admitting that I did.  I didn’t feel he was the type of person that I should be with.  I screwed up our relationship at the very start.  He screwed it up from there.

He has legit anger issues.  He can go from zero to 100 in 2 seconds.  He finds fault in everything.  He takes very little responsibility.  He has zero self awareness.  He fights dirty.  He always held our relationship over my head.  Always threatened to leave.  This last time he actually said, after telling me last time we were together how much he loves spending time with me and how he forgets how good we are together, that ‘he hates spending time with me’.  He did shit like that all the time.  Told me super sweet things and then, next argument, would counter by telling me how shitty I was.  Gah, it was ridiculous.

Nonetheless, I miss him.  I know I shouldn’t.  I’ve had to fight wanting to call him the past couple of days.  I’m not sure why.  Our conversations had gotten boring.  Surface as shit.  I had stopped telling him anything ‘important’ awhile ago as I didn’t want him to end up using anything important to me against me. That’s one fucked up relationship right there.

Could he be sweet and nice and supportive and charming and generous and kind?  Yes, absolutely.  Unfortunately, he could also be the most petulant, mean, petty, immature, over-reacting man alive.  I need to keep reminding myself of that.  That I deserve better.  That I deserve someone capable of having a discussion without spinning it into a huge argument.  Someone who realizes that once said, you cannot take shitty comments back.

I do miss Mr. OoT.  I do not miss how he treated me 40% of the time…….

 

“A” For Effort July 20, 2019

Or maybe, too little too late.  As I still haven’t told Mr. OoT to completely fuck off (am I waiting for a miracle?), he texts me most days.  Most days I don’t respond.  When I do, they are short, not so sweet and completely disconnected.  He phones me almost every day.  Almost every day I send him to voicemail.  I warned him once that if I get to the ‘shut down’ phase, it’s pretty impossible to get me to care again.  I’m kinda there.  Although I do still care, kind of, there’s no need for him to know that.

 

He sends me apologies, please forgive me’s, I’ll change(s) and a multitude of other niceties.  He talks of my upcoming birthday and future trips we’ll take together.  He talks of the future and how he’ll do everything possible to make me happy.  I never respond to these message.  They make me sad.  And a bit annoyed.  I gave him over a year to step up.  He didn’t.

 

He’s competitive.  Not sure if all these niceties are because he truly means them or he just wants to ‘win’.  I refuse to get back on the roller coaster.  Today’s apology was a good one.  He’s a huge music lover.  We’ve always exchanged UTube links to different songs that we like.  Songs that mean something to us.  Songs that make us happy.  Songs that tell the story of the day.

 

Today he sent me the link to The Petshop Boys “Always on my mind”, complete with lyrics.  It was sweet and sad and made me tear up just a little.  Too little, too late indeed ….

 

Just Like Ordering A Pizza July 16, 2019

I’ve used this analogy to describe the Male (and yes, female too) mindset of online dating. It also describes the mindset of daters in general.  Thinking you can pick and choose the traits (toppings) you want for your mate (such a lame term). Mr. OoT is no exception.  Sure, everyone has some idea of what they want, but to have a specific list is, IMHO, insane.

As we all realize that Mr. OoT may be a bit insane himself, he is super specific in what he likes. Oddly so.  Not in important qualities like education, ability to hold a conversation, good heartedness or anything else that I would put at the TOP of my list.  These qualities would go at the bottom of his.  While he knows that a ‘dumb’ girl wouldn’t be able to hold his attention due to his love of a good debate, I’m pretty sure this other list trumps that.  His list is of a different kind. Like down to footwear. He likes blondes. Blondes with bobbed hair cuts to be weirdly specific (and outdated). Blondes with bobbed hair cuts that wear sundresses. And Birkenstocks. And smoke weed (not the kind you find in my yard). For the record, and just to state the obvious, I am NONE of the above aside from being blonde.

The Spinner is all of the above. I know this from my super sleuthing. Down to the sundress. Specifically a really ugly one that she sent a photo of to Mr. OoT when he said he loved them. It was hanging on a clothesline in her backyard. Of course it was. *insert eye roll here*

I’m more edgy than hippie in my dress.  I prefer footwear that doesn’t look like I’ve been wearing them since the mid ’70s.  I hate sundresses.  You can’t wear a bra with them and they have super weird squared off necklines.  And they remind me of something a little girl would wear (sorry to all you sundress lovers out there, they’re just not for me).  My life’s ambition (besides catching a tapeworm) is to grow my hair long.  And dye it super dark brown.  Just like Mr. OoT hates.  Which I will be doing next weekend.

 

Just Admit It October 25, 2018

So silly. And annoying. When I say something and forget. Or when I say something and change my mind. Or when I say something that I regret. All have the same response and reaction from me. I apologize for forgetting, for changing my mind or regret saying. It seems so simple. SO. FUCKING. SIMPLE.

I don’t think I’m in in the minority when it comes to owning my shit. Maybe I am. When it is in regards to stupid shit though it’s just annoying as fuck to not have the other person just admit they forgot or changed their mind or never meant to say it in the first place. How hard is it to say those 4 simple words ‘I’m sorry, I forgot’.

For fuck sake. I talked to Mr. OoT yesterday about his coming to visit next weekend. He doesn’t like to be away from his son when he’s home, so it’s usually a given that he will come with on the rare occasion that Mr. OoT comes to my town. No biggie. I love that he loves his kids. Imagine my surprise and delight when Mr. OoT said (and I quote) “I may just leave him at home for the weekend, would that be okay?” Uhm, YES! I love his son, but this is the last weekend we’ll be able to spend time together before I leave for an extended period of time. When we were talking tonight, however, he mentioned his son being here. I told him that he had said he wasn’t bringing him and he then proceeded to tell me that I misunderstood. That I was wrong. That he never said that. That he was talking about Halloween night, not the weekend. That he never said he wasn’t going to bring his son. That he LOVES his son and doesn’t want to be away from him. Bullshit on the not being able to be away from his 15 year old son, btw (NOT that he loves him – ’cause he does. A lot) Why can he not just say he changed his mind instead of trying to convince me that I am wrong. That I’M the one that misunderstood. I AM wrong a lot of the time. I’m NOT this time.

As a bonus, he said he was probably going to drive up on Saturday and then head home on Sunday. For those of you bad at math, that’s 1 night. ONE. When I said that I was disappointed that he wouldn’t be staying longer, he said that he was too but that he couldn’t. You know, his son has school and all. I’m fucking pissed. I’m leaving for THREE MONTHS. He says he ‘wished’ he could stay longer. Uhm, he could. He doesn’t work when he’s back home. He has 2 solid weeks off. He just doesn’t want to. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said that since it’s more than a week away, it wasn’t even on his radar yet (he is incapable of planning ahead). Super great end to our conversation last night.

 

Pierced Ears September 19, 2018

Mr OoT is away for 3 weeks again. It was only supposed to be 2 weeks, but they need him to stay an extra week. It’s the right thing for him to do. Of course, me being me, I’m bummed because he was going to come see me this weekend. Not happening.

 

We discussed my going to see him next weekend when he returns. That’s not happening either. I had a job come up and I can’t turn down the money or risk losing the client in the future. Boo.

 

Mr. OoT and I are headed for a week’s vacation in about 14 days. 7 days of being on the beach. 7 days in my happy place. Looks like we won’t see each other until then though.

 

We talk often. Like multiple times a day. And it’s not always me calling either. 😉 The conversations have been good, but just not the same as seeing someone in person. We both wish we could see each other more. It’s his fault we won’t see each other this weekend. It’s my fault we won’t see each other next weekend. It will be almost a full month by the time that we see each other again.

 

He says often that he wishes we could see each other more often. I agree. He threw in today that it’s like when you get your ears pierced. That if you don’t keep an earing in there, it starts to close up. That made me incredibly sad because it’s true. That’s exactly how our relationship is.

 

I thought we were doing better by talking so often. It is working on my end. While not optimal, speaking every day helps to keep me engaged and connected. Not sure it does for him.

 

His pierced ear comparison is dead on. If you don’t keep an earing in there, it closes up until you shove an earing in there again. 😦

 

Marco… March 3, 2018

Nope, not as in a strapping young Italian hard bodied man. As in Polo. You know, the quintessential childhood game where one person yells Marco and the other person yells Polo. It’s a game of finding someone. A somewhat annoying game of trying to find someone. Not unlike online dating.

If you yell Marco and the other person doesn’t respond with Polo, well then that’s cheating. And kind of shitty.

I haven’t heard from Mr. Vacation since Wednesday. Or maybe it was Thursday. Regardless, it’s Saturday. Pretty sure he flew back home today from his vacay. The last ‘conversation’ we had was about a tattoo he was planning on getting while away. I asked if he had gotten it yet. He said no, he was still designing it. I jokingly sent him an emoticon of a chicken. And that was that.

There are some options I have for the no messages in 2 days when we have messaged multiple times a day for 2+ weeks.

1) he broke his phone

2) he broke his finger

3) he met and fell in love with someone his last day of vacay

4) he found this blog

5) he knows I made fun of his teeth & porn stache

6) he got bored

7) he saw my updated pics online and got butthurt that I was still online

9) he saw my updated pics online and does not agree that I look good with dark hair

10) he decided he was gay

Pretty sure the fact that I’m not too crushed that he has apparently ghosted me is pretty telling….

 

Mr. Nice Guy February 10, 2018

Filed under: dating,dinner out,driking,interent dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:10 am

He truly was.  He was polite and complimentary and even brought me a gift.  Who does that?  He has traditional values, is respectful and kind and not only asked me some really interesting questions, but listened for the answers.

I usually try to make my dates fun.  It deflects from my dates asking me anything personal.  Yes, believe it or not, I have some significant walls built up around me that it would take the most patient of men to penetrate.  I use my humor and self deprecation to never actually answer a question that is posed directly to me.  I blab more on this blog than I ever have.  To anyone.  And even at that, there are many many things that I don’t even share on here.

Back to the date. We had a great conversation.  We talked about all sorts of topics.  He is a very kind man who has had women take advantage of him in the past.  He told me the stories and I honestly couldn’t believe it.  Not that the women were so shitty, but that he didn’t see them coming from a mile a way.  It actually crossed my mind, for a fraction of a millisecond, that if I was one of ‘those’ women, that I could convince myself (and him) that we were a good match.

We aren’t.  He’s very straight-laced and very right-winged.  While not being a raging liberal, we definitely have some differing views.  If I was into him, I’m sure I could figure out a way to work around such opposing views, but the fact of the matter is that although he was a terrific guy, I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to kiss him.  It was more like I wanted to give him a hug.  And protect him from the next woman that will inevitably take advantage of him.  As I drove home I was a bit sad.  And wracking my brain for a nice woman to set him up with!

 

I May Have Sprained My Finger February 4, 2018

Yes, so I’m now an official Tinder-er. Many faces appear before me that I can choose to swipe left (no thank you) or right (yes, please) on. Guess which one I do more of?  Contrary to popular belief (and my own sometimes), I am not desperately looking for someone.  It just sure would be nice ……

Anywhoo, most men don’t put any sort of verbiage with their profile pic, so it’s purely based on looks. Perfect for a superficial bitch like me! Me, being the chatty Cathy that I have been known to be, wrote an actual little cliff’s notes blurb about who I am and whom I am looking for. Being as it’s Tinder, I can only assume it has yet to be read. Luckily, I’ve got some great pics of myself (once I crop out all of my friends and the multitude of cocktails that are usually scattered about, of course).

I’ve matched with several guys so far. Most just sit lined up across the top of my matches page waiting, like an annoying game of chicken, to see who writes 1st. I don’t write 1st. I leave it to them. Yes, that’s just how excited I am about my matches. 😉 Several of them have stepped up and written me. And I’ve written back. Look a me go!

1st there was the 40 year old military hottie whose first question to me was asking what I was looking for on Tinder. With all the self awareness that I could muster, I responded with ‘honestly, I’m not sure’, to which he replied that he was either looking for a serious relationship or a friend. Bullshit. I unmatched us.

Next was a guy that I couldn’t help but feel I had met before. As I’m fairly new to town, I was a little stumped by this. Anyway, we chatted back and forth for a while and he was a bit competitive, more than a bit full of himself and kept giving me clues as to who he is as a human. Not good. All of a sudden I remembered who he was! I had met him, over the summer, when he sat down next to me at a popular bar in town (yes, some things never change). We had started chatting and I found him extremely unlikable at the time. Add to that the fact that he was about 5’7″ and maybe 115 lbs and I just wanted him to go away. I didn’t tell Mr Tinder that we had met before and was just trying to decide how to end our online chat. Luckily he helped me out when he asked what I was doing later that night. I told him I was having dinner and drinks with a friend. He then responded with ‘sounds fun, hit me up after if you want to come over and work off that dinner.” Uhm, no. I didn’t even bother to respond. Unmatch….

I am chatting with a seemingly ‘normal’ and none too harsh on the eyes man.  He just seems nice.  I realize guys hate that descriptor, but honestly, I think it’s a good thing to be considered nice.  Very good.  Anyway, we’ve been chatting back and forth for a few days.  And he has not hinted once about wanting to meet.  Really?! I can only be my charming and witty self for so long with someone I haven’t even met yet.  Pull the trigger dude!

Oh, and for the record, I’ve swiped left FAR more than I’ve swiped right.  Just sayin’…..

 

So How About We Get Back To The Matter At Hand February 1, 2018

Dating. Duh. That’s what this blog is about. That’s what you read this for. Stories of my online dating adventures. Not stories of my introspective bullshit. Moving on…… Since I last made an ass out of myself saw NYE date, I have been on 3 1st dates. Yes, THREE! Now, before anyone gets too excited, remember this is me we’re talking about here. For your reading pleasure, here is the rundown:

Bachelor #1. Nice and kind and naive. Very naive. And very oddly patriotic. Sure, patriotism is important, but every 3rd statement had to do with how amazing America is. How he never travels internationally as why would he leave the United States when it is so amazing. I am well traveled. I love to travel internationally. I love to see and experience how different cultures live and function. I love to learn about different people (comes in handy when online dating). He had no desire to visit other countries. He had no desire to learn about other cultures. He was aghast when he found out that I go to Mexico all of the time. It was kinda weird. He was SO gung ho about American that I actually asked him how many confederate flags he owned. The answer was none. Or so he said. The best part of this whole ‘rah, rah America’ thing? He’s Canadian! Odd. We are way too different and there was zero chemistry.

Bachelor #2. He asked to meet right off the bat. I kind of love that. No pen palling for all eternity. No ‘wanting to get to know me’ via text messaging for a year. Just pull the trigger and let’s meet. It was the strangest thing though. I walked into the bar, he saw me and then immediately looked away. It was borderline rude, but as I wasn’t sure we’d even get along at this point, I didn’t much care. He didn’t turn to face me again until I stood next to his chair and introduced myself. Hmmmm, okay. We chatted for a while. Well, to be perfectly clear, HE chatted for a while and I listened. He talked about himself. A LOT. He rarely looked at me when speaking (is this a new thing, am I unknowingly hideous?). After about an hour he excused himself to the restroom and I kind of wondered if he was going to just run out the back door and go home. He didn’t. He came back. And placed his hand on the small of my back when he did. Uhm, considering he still knew nothing about be, he must have decided I wasn’t all that hideous. I stayed for another hour, sipping on my one drink (he had 3, but who’s counting). I finally made an excuse to have to go and he politely walked me to my car and gave me a big hug. Kinda thinking he was expecting a kiss, but contrary to my make-out session with NYE date, I don’t really do that. He was good company and I would go out with him again if he asked. He hasn’t and much to my excitement, I’m not being all nuerotically weird about it.

Bachelor #3. He actually deserves a post of his very own. It was all so very weird. He was nervous/anxious/cynical the entirety of our communications. He actually said that I was surprisingly interesting to chat with. Twice. Call me crazy, but that sounds somewhat offensive. I figured he didn’t mean it the way it sounded. We made arrangements to meet for a drink (which he completely judged me for choosing a cocktail over coffee). As soon as I walked in, I knew this wasn’t going to go well. I’m not sure if he was nervous or just socially awkward, but he stared at me A LOT and said ‘what now’ every time there was an awkward silence. And there were A LOT of those. I was uncomfortable as hell. It was like pulling teeth and he was ridiculously defensive and closed off. I was hoping he would loosen up after his 1 beer, but no such luck. I’ve been out with men before that aren’t the most comfortable socially, but between the incessant staring, the borderline pissy speaking style, the nervousness and the intonation in his voice, I was wishing I hadn’t have actually given him my phone number. He made me nervous and not in a butterflies in my stomach sort of way. It was more in a “I hope he doesn’t figure out where I live and come kill me in my sleep kinda way”.

There is more to tell, but will wait for another day ………….

 

Dating Down January 29, 2018

Now, before anyone jumps my shit, take a deep breath and just read. Dating down has many connotations. Most of them negative. It implies that you’re better than someone else. That they aren’t as worthy. That they aren’t up to your standards. That is NOT what I am referring to. I don’t look down on others. Well, I do, but not my brave online dates, and if it happens, they usually deserve it for being a shitty human being.

I’m not a shitty person. As a matter of fact, I’m a damn good person. A damn good person who’s a pretty good catch. A damn good person who doesn’t need anyone else’s money. A damn good person who doesn’t care what a person has, but instead cares about who they are as person. A damn good person with some pretty significant insecurities. A damn good person who often hides these insecurities under a thick layer of self deprecation, humor and sarcasm. I’m nothing if not self aware. I know I can be an idiot a lot sometimes. I know at times that I have the emotional maturity of a petulant 7 year old. I own it though. I own it all. All my shit that is tied up in nice little compartments with decorative bows.

Dating down has nothing to do with looks or character or wealth or height or weight or anything that you can put your finger on. It has to do with me owning my shit. It has been proven time and time again that I cannot handle dating someone that I’m totally into. I turn into this crazy insecure idiot that I do not like. It brings out ALL of my insecurities and makes me question (and ultimately ruin) everything. You don’t believe me? Remember everyone’s favorite douchebag TD? The one who ruined my life (and blog) for more than 2 years more like 4years? The one that made me question absolutely everything about myself and what I brought to the table? The one who stole my happy from me and morphed from the most amazing man ever, to one of the worst? I know I had something to do with that. I always do. No one is ever blameless.

I just can’t handle really liking someone. NYE date is a prime example. I went out with the guy twice. I really liked him. If I didn’t get a text from him each morning or if he took too long to respond to a text of mine (according to my fucked up time frame), my mind would take over and I’d start spinning. It’s insane. It makes ME feel insane. It’s not a good feeling and I don’t want to do it anymore.

In the spirit of self preservation, I have decided that I can only date men that I am fairly ‘meh’ about. Guys that I like, but that I’m not 100% into. This doesn’t mean they’re not good people or unattractive, it’s just men that for whatever reason, I don’t connect with. I’m a great date with guys that I’m not all that into. I don’t second guess everything I say. I don’t worry about what they’ll think. I don’t worry if they think I’m pretty. Or if my ass looks big in these jeans. I’m just my authentic self, say what I want and let the cards fall where they may.

I have had a couple ‘meh’ dates since I moved here. I was funny and witty and charming and the guys liked me. They wanted to go out again. I agreed. Nothing has been set up yet, though. Here’s the difference: whereas I would start spinning from not hearing from a guy I like within 2 days (okay, who am I kidding, within 2 hours), I’m actually okay not hearing from them. I don’t obsess over it. My mind doesn’t create stories. My insecurities don’t come racing to the forefront. I’m okay either way hearing from them or not.

While this may sound shitty, I don’t think it is. It could be one of those things where ‘love grows’ or whatever such bullshit you read in a greeting card. I just know that for me, it’s ‘safer’ for me to not care so much. To not be so invested. To not have my mind spinning out of control. I’ve heard time and again people say that you should be with someone who loves you more than you love them. I always thought that sounded pretty sad and was a bunch of bullshit. I think that’s what I need to do though. I can’t handle it otherwise ……

 

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2018 Is Going To Be A GREAT Year! January 20, 2018

Filed under: bumble,dating,driking,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:19 pm

So I decided that 2018 was going to be a great year. That it was going to be MY year! Apparently no one informed the universe of that. Damn.

Anyway, I’m in a new town, back online dating, excited about what the future holds and being more positive about absolutely everything. I also decided to take myself out of my comfort zone. In all things. This could only go one of two ways, right?

I had a date on New Year’s Eve day with a man that I was VERY excited about meeting. Tall, handsome, clean cut, smart and great sense of humor. He suggested we shoot pool at a little place not far from me. As I hadn’t been there before, I thought that sounded like a great idea. We met in the afternoon as we both had plans later that evening.

We showed up at the same time and damn, he was every bit as attractive in person. Yey me! We got drinks at the bar and sat down. We started talking. Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but when I am nervous, I can neither remember what is said or what I said. It’s an annoying little quirk of my brain that likes to fuck with me every now and again. As we’re talking, I notice that he isn’t looking at me. Uhm, bad sign. Then I remember he told me that he is kind of quiet and doesn’t like talking about himself. Being the forgiving gal that I am, I chalk the lack of eye contact up to that. As I’m sipping my beverage, it occurs to me how FUCKING STRONG it was. Damn. I hadn’t been paying attention and please, it was one drink! Sadly, I hadn’t eaten that day and I could tell I was getting buzzed. As I liked him, didn’t think he liked me and was still nervous, I got us another round. Brilliant, right? Not so much.

We had a great time playing pool. Joked around, flirted and had fun. Included in the fun were a couple of neck rubs and pats on the ass. No, not by me. Huh, maybe he does like me after all. After a couple of games we sat back down and talked some more. By then, I was drunk. Lovely. Off of 2 drinks. Never happened before in my life, but it was too late to do anything about it. I could tell I wasn’t speaking clearly and I was mortified. I didn’t know what to say to the affect of ‘oh shit, I accidentally got drunk’ (see how stupid that sounds), so I just tried to do my best.

When it was time to go, he walked me to my car and gave me a kiss. And by ‘gave me a kiss’ I mean ‘had a full on make out session’. Classy. He’s a damn fine kisser though. Driving home I knew I shouldn’t have made out with him as much as I had, but this was almost 2018 and the year of my ‘switching things up’, right? I liked him, plain and simple. I liked him all the more being as he apparently liked me too. When was the last time that happened?

I promptly proceeded to obsess and overthink the making out in the parking lot at 6:30pm. I knew it was going to be a loooooong night inside my head, so went and met some friends for a late dinner. And proceeded to regale everyone with my story. Ugh, who knows what this man must think of me.

The next morning I was greeted with a ‘Happy New Year’ text from him. Yey, bullet dodged! At least until he texted me a few days later to come over and watch a movie ………………

 

Deleted …. And, What Did You Just Ask Me? May 22, 2017

I deleted my last online profile.  Again.  I also waved goodbye to Bumble.  Yes, Again.  I have neither the time nor inclination to do the online dating ‘dance’ right now.  To give you an idea, here are the last 3 interactions I’ve had with online guys:

Bachelor #1: Hi, what are you doing tonight?

Me: Going to an outdoor concert with a group of friends, You?

Bachelor #1: I’m in Costa Rica.  Who are you going with?

Me: Oh, well you win!  I hope you’re having an amazing time.  I’m going with a group of friends that I go with every year.

Bachelor #1: Do I know any of them?

Me: What the fuck?! We’ve never met, how would I know?  Uhm, I have no clue if we have any friends in common

Bachelor #1: I know, LOL

end scene……….

Bachelor #2 is the one that I met last Monday.  He texts me Friday morning to see if I was in town this weekend, as I’ve been away the past 3 weekends.  I let him know that I actually AM in town this weekend!  And then nothing …….. nice.  The most annoying part is that, just for a millisecond, I allowed myself to get a little excited that he wanted to see me again.

Bachelor #3 texts me with ‘hello beautiful’ about every 3 days while making no effort or mention of ever actually meeting.  2 days ago he sent me a flower emoji.  Today he sent me a ‘thinking of you, Grey Goose’.  I will NEVER understand the ‘penpal’ mentality of so many people online.  If I want to text one liners with someone twice a week, I can do that with friends.  Why go on a dating site if you never want to meet?

So, for now, I will stick with getting my butt in gear for that big change that I mentioned a post or two ago and not worry about men.  Or boys, as the case may be….

 

Don’t Ask What You Don’t Want To Know… May 17, 2017

I’ve long subscribed to this way of thinking. Also known as ‘bury your head in the sand’. I’ve almost perfected it. Almost. Not always the best way to go about (or not go about as the case may be) things. On my never ending quest to evolve and stop being such a whiny baby, I am trying to be an adult about some thing. Just some. No need to panic.

Remember Repo Man? The seemingly great guy from Bumble that I never actually met? The one who started a ‘relationship’ with (aka, slept with her) the day before we were supposed to meet? The one who checked in on me the entire time he was dating said train wreck? The one who, when he broke up with said train wreck, told me that he wanted to meet but wasn’t quite ready yet? The one who, when he was ready, and after several phone calls, proceeded to cancel our 2nd date due to his dad being sick never to be heard from again? Yeah, that one.

It’s been bugging me as to what ever happened. Yes, I know, but I am apparently no longer the gal that didn’t give a shit what guys thought and knew that if a guy passed me up, that it was his loss and not mine. Damn.

As neither of us ever unmatched the other on Bumble, we could both see that the other was still on there. He even changed his profile photo about a month ago. What? He’s right there, on my home page! Anywhoo, today is the day I figured I would ask. Couldn’t hurt, right? Yes, I know “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”. I always kind of knew in the back of my mind that he was playing with me. That I was his Plan B. I joked about it, until I realized it was true. Oh. Shit.

So I texted him today asking what ever happened. And he told me. And although I know full well that it had nothing to do with ‘me’, it still made me feel like shit. He apologized for being a flake. He apologized for not contacting me. He apologized for not following through. He claimed that he didn’t want to take me on the ‘roller coaster ride’ that he was on. I LOVE roller coasters! Well, not the emotional ones.

He has been ‘off and on’ with his ex. The ex that I counseled him on. The one that he said was thoughtless and self-centered, yet gorgeous. The one that he absolutely didn’t see a future with. You know the 1st fucked up thought that came to my mind when reading this? Well, why wouldn’t he call me during one of his ‘off’ times? How messed up is that?! I know full well that I should thank him for not dragging me into his indecision, but instead I wondered what it was about me that made him (and so many others) decide that I wasn’t even worth exploring? Damn, I hate days like this ……

 

I Think I’m Dating A 13 Year Old Girl May 16, 2017

No, not really, but I knew that would get your attention. 😉 As is my new MO when writing a post, I justify my absence as ‘nothing interesting going on’.  This time, however, I have not written in a while because I have A LOT going on.  Big changes are in the works.  BIG.  Not ready to divulge the details as of yet, so for now, I will update you on the average 49 year old’s adventures on Bumble.  I have 3, count ’em, 3 whopping bachelors to fill you in on.

As the universe, and several select big mouthed friends have suggested (and by suggested, I mean they full on insult me and think nothing of it), I need to expand my horizons when considering men.  As I’ve explained umpteen times before, I am open to all sorts of men.  Tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, cute ones, not so cute ones, quirky ones and just about every other option out there.  Oh, aside from incarcerated.  Or drug addicted.  Oh yeah, or smokers.  Sorry, not kissing an ashtray.  I really do care more about personality, kindness and intelligence more than looks.

Anywho, bachelor #1 is sweet as can be.  We have a lot of personality traits in common.  He’s smart and considerate and kind.  He also sends me at least one selfie a day.  Uhm, what?  I don’t understand that.  I don’t take, nor do I send, selfies.  As we’ve already met in person, I know what he looks like.  I can’t quite figure out the thought process behind this constant influx of selfies.  After the first couple, I responded with ‘cute’ or ‘love that shirt’.  After the 10th, I just don’t respond anymore.  It’s just weird.  I don’t know what to say.  They’re all PG, mind you, but still.  We met last Monday for cocktails and he was as cute and interesting in person as I expected him to be.  He was also every inch shorter than me that I feared.  As in six.  Six inches.  (*insert that’s what she said joke here) SIX INCHES shorter than I am.  Can’t do it.  He is almost literally half my size in every regard.  I hope he understood my ‘friend vibe’, but I fear he didn’t.  He even toasted to ‘new friends’ when we met.  That tells me he gets it.  The deluge of selfies and ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts however, does not.

Bachelor #2 I think I am going to opt out of meeting.  He too likes to send selfies.  He too is shorter than me (but only by 3 inches).  He also seems exceptionally self involved and keeps telling me how awesome a friend and person he is.  Okaaaaaay.  Contrary to popular belief, I do actually think the best of people until they prove me wrong.  I do feel that people that announce certain traits of theirs are a bit disingenuous.  Why would you announce that you’re not a player?  Why would you announce that you’re an amazing friend?  Why would you announce that you’re very protective of all your 437 female friends?  Maybe it’s just me, but I think those that feel the need to announce how amazing they are, usually aren’t.  We also have a mutual acquaintance in common.  He thinks she’s awesome.  I think she’s a complete shit-show.  I’m just not getting a good ‘feel’ for this one.

Bachelor #3 I met last night and he is every bit as handsome as I had hoped.  He’s also every bit of his 6’2″ height.  I’ll tell you more about this one as I figure it out! 🙂

 

Karma or Just Common Sense? March 10, 2017

Filed under: beach,bumble,dating,interent dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:50 pm

So, today is the day that *someone* decided that he just HAD to go to MY beachfront haven destination without 1) coordinating with me so that I could go at the same time or 2) asking me any sort of advice or tips (he’s not been in 10 years and I go twice a month).  As we all know, my inability to join him this weekend when he already well knew I needed to be in town earned me a 9 part ‘our schedules are just TOO conflicting’ break up text.

In direct contrast to my ‘norm’ of obsessing over it, blaming myself, trying to change his mind (yes, I’m just THAT pathetic sometimes) or sending a completely insincere “have a great weekend” text, I have done nothing.  None of the aforementioned things.  What I did do though, completely coincidentally, was to log into FB and see a post from someone stating that the wait times at the border are LONG.  As in more than an hour.  Which, of course, I would have warned him about as going on a Friday afternoon/evening is always a nightmare.

As he didn’t bother to ask my advice or opinion, he will be left to find out for himself.  And I couldn’t be happier about that.

 

 Listening & Hearing Are Two Completely Different Things…. March 6, 2017

Or something like that.  Cheryl, one of my lovely (and apparently bored) followers has asked for an update on Mr. Met In Person. As I try my best to oblige (and really have nothing better to do), here ya’ go!

I met Mr. In Person well, in person.  Duh.  We had a great talk and really hit it off.  He asked for my number, I got all giddy and ridiculous and thought how awesome it was for someone to ask, in person, for my number rather than going through the angst and potential disaster of  meeting someone from online.  Yey me.

He then proceeded to not call me.  Super.  Once we finally did connect, he asked me out.  Yippeee!  However, it took us several tries for us to get our schedules in sync.  He works ridiculously long hours and is very VERY set in his schedule.  Although I’m a busy gal as well and often escape out of town on weekends, I tried my best to accommodate his limited availability.

We went out several times and really seemed to hit it off.  He’s a GOOD guy.  Good enough that I sort of forgave his admittedly shit-show of a personal life and ‘situation’ with his not yet to be ex wife.  Oopsie, he kinda forgot to tell me that fun tidbit until last week.  He still shares a house with his not yet ex wife and their son.  As ridiculous as that sounds to me, I do have friends that have done the same thing for the perceived benefit of their child.  While I don’t agree with this and feel that people don’t give their kids enough credit for ‘knowing what’s going on’, it’s not my place to say, I’m not a mom.

Anyway, he tells me all the complicated ins and outs of his personal and work life and I decided, because I’m the queen of bad decisions and giving people the benefit of the doubt, that I can deal with this.  We’d been out several times at that point (all oddly odd times as his schedule truly sucks and he is unwavering in his ‘norm’).  We spoke a little about the upcoming weekend that I would be in town and that he wouldn’t have his son with him.  I was very much looking forward to spending some quality time with him as all our prior dates were pretty much 2 hours long.  Exactly.  We hadn’t spoken about any specific plans for the weekend, but I let him know that I was looking forward to it and he replied in kind.

We spoke a bit about my vacation home as well and how I would love to take him there at some point in the future as it is in a place that he hasn’t been in 10 years and was looking forward to going back to.  Look at us proceeding at a normal (whatever that is) pace!

I was in said vacation place Saturday when I received his excited text telling me that he was planning a trip to said town the following weekend.  The weekend that we had talked about my need to be at home and how much I was looking forward to seeing him. IN town. He said he hoped I would be able to join him in said vacation locale and that he already booked a hotel.  Uhm, wait.  First of all, I own a place there, on the beach.  As he neither knows what part of the beach or even the general location of my place, how did he know where to book a hotel?  Why wouldn’t he wait to talk to me and coordinate a weekend that we could both be there?  Why, after 10 years of not being there, did he have to go right then and there?  Of course, I didn’t say any of these things to him.

What I did say was that I couldn’t get out-of-town that next weekend and that I was sad that he chose the weekend we had already spoken about doing something in our home town together to travel and that I had been looking forward to being his tour guide when we did make it to said vacation destination.  What I got in return was a 9 part text message explaining that our schedules are apparently too conflicting and that he doesn’t have the time, or inclination to pursue a romantic relationship right now.  What.  The.  Fuck.  I am quite certain that if I had said that I could drop everything and be at the whim of his stupid spur of the moment ridiculousness, I wouldn’t have gotten said break up text, but as I live in reality, that’s not what happened.  I am sad, mad, disappointed and a bit astounded that he did this. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

A fun little aside is the entire text message thing.  He hates text messaging.  I am of the mind that text message is for short little ‘nothing’ messages (hi, how are you? thinking of you, have a good day, etc…) and NOT for any sort of serious conversations.  We actually had this conversation on Tuesday when we last saw each other. He agreed.  And he still opted to break up with me via text……awesome.

 

I Think I Had A Good Time February 27, 2017

You’re welcome in advance for this not being a whiny post about my less than envious love life.  Can I really even call it a love life if I haven’t had any semblance of a relationship in uh, years?!  *cue sad music*

Anywho, this is a post about my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  Well, a post about what I can remember from my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  My friend and I are kind of in the same boat as far as guys go.  She’s at least had a couple short lived relationships in the past few years, but the guys always either ghost, flip out or turn into someone other than who they appeared to be.  She tries to slog through the wold of online dating as well.  We are both convinced that our bad luck in love at our advanced ages is Karma firmly kicking us in the ass for all the fun we had in our 20s.  Believe me, we had a LOT of fun back then.

Back to the beach.  We arrived on Thursday afternoon and immediately decided to start day drinking.  Bad decision #1.  Bad decision #2 was to make an exceptionally strong (and large) vodka soda.  Bad decision #3 was to decide, when I discovered that I forgot to bring lemons, to add an entire can of Mike’s Harder Lemonade to my already lighter-fluid-ish drink in order to get that lemon flavor.  Bad decision #4 was to then decide, after sucking that gross tasting concoction down (can’t waste perfectly good alcohol) that since it was technically National Margarita Day (that’s a thing, right?) to go to the restaurant on property to enjoy some 2 for 1 Margaritas.  Details after that are a little fuzzy.  As in I don’t really remember shit.  My friend did assure me that I didn’t make a complete ass of myself and that I was safely passed out on the couch without having embarrassed myself too much.  Passed out on the couch by 8:30pm.  Lovely.

The next couple of days included many many cocktails, a lobster-esque sunburn,  getting lost multiple times in a town that I should really be able to navigate by now and not a single solitary conversation with anyone of the opposite sex.  Well, that’s unless you include the short and sweet conversation we had with the ridiculously drunk and obnoxious husband of the wife teetering around on stiletto heals.  At the beach.  Oh, and by ‘short and sweet’ I of course mean ‘he was a ginormous idiot that I had to stop my friend from knocking out as he had absolutely NO filter when it came to what he thought was appropriate to say to complete strangers’.

Good times!

 

30 Hours February 22, 2017

Filed under: bumble,dating,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:24 pm

That’s how long it takes him to respond to a text.  On average.  Sometimes it’s a scant 6 hours, sometimes it’s up to 2 days.  30 hours.  A day and a quarter.  On average. Enough time to drive to a different state.  Or two.  Plenty of time to fly to Vegas and lose thousands of dollars.  Enough time to go on 2 mediocre internet dates.

I get that he has a career that requires his full attention and there is no time to check his phone or respond.  I get that he’s busy.  I know that he thinks about me as he’s told me so.  What I don’t get is why it takes him so long to respond.

Sure, he could be someone who prefers face to face communication.  Who isn’t?  I’m the same way.  But if we don’t see each other and he doesn’t call, text (or carrier pigeon) is about the only option left.  His texts are long and sweet but singular.  As in just one per day.  That one may come in 4 parts, but it’s still just one text.  Every 30 hours.

He sent me a sweet text the other day at 5am.  Regardless of the sender or content, who on earth appreciates a text alert wake up call 2 hours before they actually have to wake up?  Not me.  As I didn’t want to encourage more 5am text messages, I waited until 6:15am to respond and no, I didn’t make a snarky reference to the inappropriateness of sending a text at 5am.  So I replied at 6:15am.  His reply, in turn, arrived promptly at noon. THE NEXT DAY.

He sent me a flirty text on Saturday.  I didn’t really respond in kind.  I don’t think my ego could take sending a flirty text and then not getting a response until the next day…..

 

Speed Dating Is Like Shooting Fish In A Barrel February 18, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,dating,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single,speed dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:32 am

**haha, found this uber bitchy post of mine from 4 years ago in my drafts folder.  As I am more than certain that the ‘joy’ of speed dating is the same today as it was then, here you go**

Ever heard that saying? Not the speed dating part, but the shooting fish in a barrel part. Not to insult anyone’s intelligence, but it is used to describe something that is exceptionally easy. Something that takes very little effort and doesn’t come close to taking you out of your comfort zone. That’s what speed dating is for me. I can talk to a wall. I prefer not to talk to walls as it mainly earns me odd looks from people, but what can ya’ do? Unfortunately, I might have preferred talking to drywall last night as the biggest ‘connections’ I made were with 2 other females that showed up for the event. Minds out of the gutter people. I don’t mean that sort of connection. They were just nice and friendly and frankly, more attractive than ALL of the guys. Combined. 

I debated whether or not to cancel yesterday as I was tired but I opted to ‘just do it’ (thank you pithy Nike commercial). I showed up in an awesome little t shirt dress and strappy sandals and looked pretty darn cute if I do say so myself. I won’t give you the rundown on how amazingly unorganized the entire event was as no one really cares about that crap, but I will give you a rundown of all the stellar ‘dates’ that I went on. Or more accurately; endured.

There were 19 women that showed up for the event and a whopping 12 guys. Which was about 11.5 guys too many. Remember how I was worried about being the oldest one there as the age cut off was 45? Yeah, well most of the guys and a few of the women took some creative liberties with their age. Yey. Just like internet dating!

So you know the drill; sit and chat with some guy for 5 minutes and when the bell rings, you switch. Sometimes you feel like 5 minutes isn’t nearly long enough and wish you had more time, others, 5 minutes seems like an eternity. It was mostly the latter. I was assigned number 11 and was sat at a table at the end of the room facing in, so I could see every other speed dating table and thus be able to see who was headed my way. I guess so I could gauge how big a swig of my Absolute Soda I would need. In your five minute ‘mini dates’ you’re supposed to find out as much as possible about the guys and try to see if there is any interest. As I’m a fairly superficial bitch, I knew by looking at the men that there wasn’t much interest on my part so instead of the awesomely soul searching ‘what do you do for a living’, ‘where do you live’, ‘what do you do in your spare time’ questions, I just bullshitted with them. Mainly to keep myself entertained.

1st there was Sasha. A 28 year old data entry guy who spoke broken English and mumbled. No clue why he was in the 35-45 year old group, but he said he had tried his age group and ‘it didn’t work’. I didn’t ask.

Next there was Alex. A 4’10” Greek man. Who proceeded to ask me what I was looking for in a relationship while I just kinda looked at him thinking ‘really’? I could have been an uber bitch and said ‘well Alex, I’m looking for a tall man that speaks English fluently’ but I didn’t. I gave my patented bullshit response of ‘someone who makes me laugh’.

Next was Mike. A very nice man from England. Sorry, a very nice 65 year old man from England. A very nice 65 year old man from England who hates his job. Yey.

Then there was Seth. Seth was a funny and entertaining chiropractor. Although he was not hugely offensive to look at (I know, I’m a peach), he had the oddest hairline. Very high up on his forehead and straight across. Kinda disconcerting.

After that was Shaun. Shaun kinda stumbled up the steps, said ‘watch my fucking sheet’, slapped his top secret ‘yes or no’ chart on the table and wove his way to the bathroom. When he got back, he went to the bar for another drink. Darn the luck, right when he got back to me, the bell rang. Thanks for playing Shaun. You will be marked a big fat NO. Oh wait, the bell didn’t ring until after he pointed out one of the other female speed daters and whispered, at the top of his lungs, ‘that one is a fucking bitch’. Uhm……thanks.

Then there was the little man with piercing blue eyes and the worst hairpiece I have ever seen. If he was a day under 65, then I must be 12.

The chubby Asian guy was next. Don’t really recall what we spoke about. Oh well.

There was Walter who had a sparkling set of fake teeth and very pronounced lisp.

There was Roberto who had really cool hair and thought he was Don Juan.

Brian was a darling architect originally from Boston. A good conversationalist, a snazzy dresser and all of about 5’2”. Oh, and with the most fucked up teeth I’ve seen in a long time. If I was about a foot shorter, I may have actually given him a ‘yes’ as the other guys set the bar just that low for him.

The whole speed dating idea is to take notes on the guys as you talk to them (and they’re supposed to do the same for you) and then at the end, you mark either yes or no. If you mark yes for a guy who also marks yes for you, then it’s a mutual match and you get e mailed their contact information the next day.

Being the ginormous busy body that I am, I looked at every guy’s sheet to see that the majority had marked yes for almost every woman. Kinda like hedging their bets. Now not to toot my own horn, but there were women in all shapes and sizes there last night. Spanning from 35 up to 60 (at least). Of varying nationalities. It’s one thing to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but really?!? Sadly, I have not received an e mail today notifying me of my mutual matches. I’m guessing mainly because I marked every single guy a no. Whoopsie. So yes, speed dating was like shooting fish in a barrel ……. If the fish in the barrel were chum. You know, that gross crap that fishermen use …