43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Marco… March 3, 2018

Nope, not as in a strapping young Italian hard bodied man. As in Polo. You know, the quintessential childhood game where one person yells Marco and the other person yells Polo. It’s a game of finding someone. A somewhat annoying game of trying to find someone. Not unlike online dating.

If you yell Marco and the other person doesn’t respond with Polo, well then that’s cheating. And kind of shitty.

I haven’t heard from Mr. Vacation since Wednesday. Or maybe it was Thursday. Regardless, it’s Saturday. Pretty sure he flew back home today from his vacay. The last ‘conversation’ we had was about a tattoo he was planning on getting while away. I asked if he had gotten it yet. He said no, he was still designing it. I jokingly sent him an emoticon of a chicken. And that was that.

There are some options I have for the no messages in 2 days when we have messaged multiple times a day for 2+ weeks.

1) he broke his phone

2) he broke his finger

3) he met and fell in love with someone his last day of vacay

4) he found this blog

5) he knows I made fun of his teeth & porn stache

6) he got bored

7) he saw my updated pics online and got butthurt that I was still online

9) he saw my updated pics online and does not agree that I look good with dark hair

10) he decided he was gay

Pretty sure the fact that I’m not too crushed that he has apparently ghosted me is pretty telling….


Mr. Nice Guy February 10, 2018

Filed under: dating,dinner out,driking,interent dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:10 am

He truly was.  He was polite and complimentary and even brought me a gift.  Who does that?  He has traditional values, is respectful and kind and not only asked me some really interesting questions, but listened for the answers.

I usually try to make my dates fun.  It deflects from my dates asking me anything personal.  Yes, believe it or not, I have some significant walls built up around me that it would take the most patient of men to penetrate.  I use my humor and self deprecation to never actually answer a question that is posed directly to me.  I blab more on this blog than I ever have.  To anyone.  And even at that, there are many many things that I don’t even share on here.

Back to the date. We had a great conversation.  We talked about all sorts of topics.  He is a very kind man who has had women take advantage of him in the past.  He told me the stories and I honestly couldn’t believe it.  Not that the women were so shitty, but that he didn’t see them coming from a mile a way.  It actually crossed my mind, for a fraction of a millisecond, that if I was one of ‘those’ women, that I could convince myself (and him) that we were a good match.

We aren’t.  He’s very straight-laced and very right-winged.  While not being a raging liberal, we definitely have some differing views.  If I was into him, I’m sure I could figure out a way to work around such opposing views, but the fact of the matter is that although he was a terrific guy, I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to kiss him.  It was more like I wanted to give him a hug.  And protect him from the next woman that will inevitably take advantage of him.  As I drove home I was a bit sad.  And wracking my brain for a nice woman to set him up with!


I May Have Sprained My Finger February 4, 2018

Yes, so I’m now an official Tinder-er. Many faces appear before me that I can choose to swipe left (no thank you) or right (yes, please) on. Guess which one I do more of?  Contrary to popular belief (and my own sometimes), I am not desperately looking for someone.  It just sure would be nice ……

Anywhoo, most men don’t put any sort of verbiage with their profile pic, so it’s purely based on looks. Perfect for a superficial bitch like me! Me, being the chatty Cathy that I have been known to be, wrote an actual little cliff’s notes blurb about who I am and whom I am looking for. Being as it’s Tinder, I can only assume it has yet to be read. Luckily, I’ve got some great pics of myself (once I crop out all of my friends and the multitude of cocktails that are usually scattered about, of course).

I’ve matched with several guys so far. Most just sit lined up across the top of my matches page waiting, like an annoying game of chicken, to see who writes 1st. I don’t write 1st. I leave it to them. Yes, that’s just how excited I am about my matches. 😉 Several of them have stepped up and written me. And I’ve written back. Look a me go!

1st there was the 40 year old military hottie whose first question to me was asking what I was looking for on Tinder. With all the self awareness that I could muster, I responded with ‘honestly, I’m not sure’, to which he replied that he was either looking for a serious relationship or a friend. Bullshit. I unmatched us.

Next was a guy that I couldn’t help but feel I had met before. As I’m fairly new to town, I was a little stumped by this. Anyway, we chatted back and forth for a while and he was a bit competitive, more than a bit full of himself and kept giving me clues as to who he is as a human. Not good. All of a sudden I remembered who he was! I had met him, over the summer, when he sat down next to me at a popular bar in town (yes, some things never change). We had started chatting and I found him extremely unlikable at the time. Add to that the fact that he was about 5’7″ and maybe 115 lbs and I just wanted him to go away. I didn’t tell Mr Tinder that we had met before and was just trying to decide how to end our online chat. Luckily he helped me out when he asked what I was doing later that night. I told him I was having dinner and drinks with a friend. He then responded with ‘sounds fun, hit me up after if you want to come over and work off that dinner.” Uhm, no. I didn’t even bother to respond. Unmatch….

I am chatting with a seemingly ‘normal’ and none too harsh on the eyes man.  He just seems nice.  I realize guys hate that descriptor, but honestly, I think it’s a good thing to be considered nice.  Very good.  Anyway, we’ve been chatting back and forth for a few days.  And he has not hinted once about wanting to meet.  Really?! I can only be my charming and witty self for so long with someone I haven’t even met yet.  Pull the trigger dude!

Oh, and for the record, I’ve swiped left FAR more than I’ve swiped right.  Just sayin’…..


So How About We Get Back To The Matter At Hand February 1, 2018

Dating. Duh. That’s what this blog is about. That’s what you read this for. Stories of my online dating adventures. Not stories of my introspective bullshit. Moving on…… Since I last made an ass out of myself saw NYE date, I have been on 3 1st dates. Yes, THREE! Now, before anyone gets too excited, remember this is me we’re talking about here. For your reading pleasure, here is the rundown:

Bachelor #1. Nice and kind and naive. Very naive. And very oddly patriotic. Sure, patriotism is important, but every 3rd statement had to do with how amazing America is. How he never travels internationally as why would he leave the United States when it is so amazing. I am well traveled. I love to travel internationally. I love to see and experience how different cultures live and function. I love to learn about different people (comes in handy when online dating). He had no desire to visit other countries. He had no desire to learn about other cultures. He was aghast when he found out that I go to Mexico all of the time. It was kinda weird. He was SO gung ho about American that I actually asked him how many confederate flags he owned. The answer was none. Or so he said. The best part of this whole ‘rah, rah America’ thing? He’s Canadian! Odd. We are way too different and there was zero chemistry.

Bachelor #2. He asked to meet right off the bat. I kind of love that. No pen palling for all eternity. No ‘wanting to get to know me’ via text messaging for a year. Just pull the trigger and let’s meet. It was the strangest thing though. I walked into the bar, he saw me and then immediately looked away. It was borderline rude, but as I wasn’t sure we’d even get along at this point, I didn’t much care. He didn’t turn to face me again until I stood next to his chair and introduced myself. Hmmmm, okay. We chatted for a while. Well, to be perfectly clear, HE chatted for a while and I listened. He talked about himself. A LOT. He rarely looked at me when speaking (is this a new thing, am I unknowingly hideous?). After about an hour he excused himself to the restroom and I kind of wondered if he was going to just run out the back door and go home. He didn’t. He came back. And placed his hand on the small of my back when he did. Uhm, considering he still knew nothing about be, he must have decided I wasn’t all that hideous. I stayed for another hour, sipping on my one drink (he had 3, but who’s counting). I finally made an excuse to have to go and he politely walked me to my car and gave me a big hug. Kinda thinking he was expecting a kiss, but contrary to my make-out session with NYE date, I don’t really do that. He was good company and I would go out with him again if he asked. He hasn’t and much to my excitement, I’m not being all nuerotically weird about it.

Bachelor #3. He actually deserves a post of his very own. It was all so very weird. He was nervous/anxious/cynical the entirety of our communications. He actually said that I was surprisingly interesting to chat with. Twice. Call me crazy, but that sounds somewhat offensive. I figured he didn’t mean it the way it sounded. We made arrangements to meet for a drink (which he completely judged me for choosing a cocktail over coffee). As soon as I walked in, I knew this wasn’t going to go well. I’m not sure if he was nervous or just socially awkward, but he stared at me A LOT and said ‘what now’ every time there was an awkward silence. And there were A LOT of those. I was uncomfortable as hell. It was like pulling teeth and he was ridiculously defensive and closed off. I was hoping he would loosen up after his 1 beer, but no such luck. I’ve been out with men before that aren’t the most comfortable socially, but between the incessant staring, the borderline pissy speaking style, the nervousness and the intonation in his voice, I was wishing I hadn’t have actually given him my phone number. He made me nervous and not in a butterflies in my stomach sort of way. It was more in a “I hope he doesn’t figure out where I live and come kill me in my sleep kinda way”.

There is more to tell, but will wait for another day ………….


Dating Down January 29, 2018

Now, before anyone jumps my shit, take a deep breath and just read. Dating down has many connotations. Most of them negative. It implies that you’re better than someone else. That they aren’t as worthy. That they aren’t up to your standards. That is NOT what I am referring to. I don’t look down on others. Well, I do, but not my brave online dates, and if it happens, they usually deserve it for being a shitty human being.

I’m not a shitty person. As a matter of fact, I’m a damn good person. A damn good person who’s a pretty good catch. A damn good person who doesn’t need anyone else’s money. A damn good person who doesn’t care what a person has, but instead cares about who they are as person. A damn good person with some pretty significant insecurities. A damn good person who often hides these insecurities under a thick layer of self deprecation, humor and sarcasm. I’m nothing if not self aware. I know I can be an idiot a lot sometimes. I know at times that I have the emotional maturity of a petulant 7 year old. I own it though. I own it all. All my shit that is tied up in nice little compartments with decorative bows.

Dating down has nothing to do with looks or character or wealth or height or weight or anything that you can put your finger on. It has to do with me owning my shit. It has been proven time and time again that I cannot handle dating someone that I’m totally into. I turn into this crazy insecure idiot that I do not like. It brings out ALL of my insecurities and makes me question (and ultimately ruin) everything. You don’t believe me? Remember everyone’s favorite douchebag TD? The one who ruined my life (and blog) for more than 2 years more like 4years? The one that made me question absolutely everything about myself and what I brought to the table? The one who stole my happy from me and morphed from the most amazing man ever, to one of the worst? I know I had something to do with that. I always do. No one is ever blameless.

I just can’t handle really liking someone. NYE date is a prime example. I went out with the guy twice. I really liked him. If I didn’t get a text from him each morning or if he took too long to respond to a text of mine (according to my fucked up time frame), my mind would take over and I’d start spinning. It’s insane. It makes ME feel insane. It’s not a good feeling and I don’t want to do it anymore.

In the spirit of self preservation, I have decided that I can only date men that I am fairly ‘meh’ about. Guys that I like, but that I’m not 100% into. This doesn’t mean they’re not good people or unattractive, it’s just men that for whatever reason, I don’t connect with. I’m a great date with guys that I’m not all that into. I don’t second guess everything I say. I don’t worry about what they’ll think. I don’t worry if they think I’m pretty. Or if my ass looks big in these jeans. I’m just my authentic self, say what I want and let the cards fall where they may.

I have had a couple ‘meh’ dates since I moved here. I was funny and witty and charming and the guys liked me. They wanted to go out again. I agreed. Nothing has been set up yet, though. Here’s the difference: whereas I would start spinning from not hearing from a guy I like within 2 days (okay, who am I kidding, within 2 hours), I’m actually okay not hearing from them. I don’t obsess over it. My mind doesn’t create stories. My insecurities don’t come racing to the forefront. I’m okay either way hearing from them or not.

While this may sound shitty, I don’t think it is. It could be one of those things where ‘love grows’ or whatever such bullshit you read in a greeting card. I just know that for me, it’s ‘safer’ for me to not care so much. To not be so invested. To not have my mind spinning out of control. I’ve heard time and again people say that you should be with someone who loves you more than you love them. I always thought that sounded pretty sad and was a bunch of bullshit. I think that’s what I need to do though. I can’t handle it otherwise ……


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2018 Is Going To Be A GREAT Year! January 20, 2018

Filed under: bumble,dating,driking,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:19 pm

So I decided that 2018 was going to be a great year. That it was going to be MY year! Apparently no one informed the universe of that. Damn.

Anyway, I’m in a new town, back online dating, excited about what the future holds and being more positive about absolutely everything. I also decided to take myself out of my comfort zone. In all things. This could only go one of two ways, right?

I had a date on New Year’s Eve day with a man that I was VERY excited about meeting. Tall, handsome, clean cut, smart and great sense of humor. He suggested we shoot pool at a little place not far from me. As I hadn’t been there before, I thought that sounded like a great idea. We met in the afternoon as we both had plans later that evening.

We showed up at the same time and damn, he was every bit as attractive in person. Yey me! We got drinks at the bar and sat down. We started talking. Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but when I am nervous, I can neither remember what is said or what I said. It’s an annoying little quirk of my brain that likes to fuck with me every now and again. As we’re talking, I notice that he isn’t looking at me. Uhm, bad sign. Then I remember he told me that he is kind of quiet and doesn’t like talking about himself. Being the forgiving gal that I am, I chalk the lack of eye contact up to that. As I’m sipping my beverage, it occurs to me how FUCKING STRONG it was. Damn. I hadn’t been paying attention and please, it was one drink! Sadly, I hadn’t eaten that day and I could tell I was getting buzzed. As I liked him, didn’t think he liked me and was still nervous, I got us another round. Brilliant, right? Not so much.

We had a great time playing pool. Joked around, flirted and had fun. Included in the fun were a couple of neck rubs and pats on the ass. No, not by me. Huh, maybe he does like me after all. After a couple of games we sat back down and talked some more. By then, I was drunk. Lovely. Off of 2 drinks. Never happened before in my life, but it was too late to do anything about it. I could tell I wasn’t speaking clearly and I was mortified. I didn’t know what to say to the affect of ‘oh shit, I accidentally got drunk’ (see how stupid that sounds), so I just tried to do my best.

When it was time to go, he walked me to my car and gave me a kiss. And by ‘gave me a kiss’ I mean ‘had a full on make out session’. Classy. He’s a damn fine kisser though. Driving home I knew I shouldn’t have made out with him as much as I had, but this was almost 2018 and the year of my ‘switching things up’, right? I liked him, plain and simple. I liked him all the more being as he apparently liked me too. When was the last time that happened?

I promptly proceeded to obsess and overthink the making out in the parking lot at 6:30pm. I knew it was going to be a loooooong night inside my head, so went and met some friends for a late dinner. And proceeded to regale everyone with my story. Ugh, who knows what this man must think of me.

The next morning I was greeted with a ‘Happy New Year’ text from him. Yey, bullet dodged! At least until he texted me a few days later to come over and watch a movie ………………