The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Karma or Just Common Sense? March 10, 2017

Filed under: beach,bumble,dating,interent dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:50 pm

So, today is the day that *someone* decided that he just HAD to go to MY beachfront haven destination without 1) coordinating with me so that I could go at the same time or 2) asking me any sort of advice or tips (he’s not been in 10 years and I go twice a month).  As we all know, my inability to join him this weekend when he already well knew I needed to be in town earned me a 9 part ‘our schedules are just TOO conflicting’ break up text.

In direct contrast to my ‘norm’ of obsessing over it, blaming myself, trying to change his mind (yes, I’m just THAT pathetic sometimes) or sending a completely insincere “have a great weekend” text, I have done nothing.  None of the aforementioned things.  What I did do though, completely coincidentally, was to log into FB and see a post from someone stating that the wait times at the border are LONG.  As in more than an hour.  Which, of course, I would have warned him about as going on a Friday afternoon/evening is always a nightmare.

As he didn’t bother to ask my advice or opinion, he will be left to find out for himself.  And I couldn’t be happier about that.

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 Listening & Hearing Are Two Completely Different Things…. March 6, 2017

Or something like that.  Cheryl, one of my lovely (and apparently bored) followers has asked for an update on Mr. Met In Person. As I try my best to oblige (and really have nothing better to do), here ya’ go!

I met Mr. In Person well, in person.  Duh.  We had a great talk and really hit it off.  He asked for my number, I got all giddy and ridiculous and thought how awesome it was for someone to ask, in person, for my number rather than going through the angst and potential disaster of  meeting someone from online.  Yey me.

He then proceeded to not call me.  Super.  Once we finally did connect, he asked me out.  Yippeee!  However, it took us several tries for us to get our schedules in sync.  He works ridiculously long hours and is very VERY set in his schedule.  Although I’m a busy gal as well and often escape out of town on weekends, I tried my best to accommodate his limited availability.

We went out several times and really seemed to hit it off.  He’s a GOOD guy.  Good enough that I sort of forgave his admittedly shit-show of a personal life and ‘situation’ with his not yet to be ex wife.  Oopsie, he kinda forgot to tell me that fun tidbit until last week.  He still shares a house with his not yet ex wife and their son.  As ridiculous as that sounds to me, I do have friends that have done the same thing for the perceived benefit of their child.  While I don’t agree with this and feel that people don’t give their kids enough credit for ‘knowing what’s going on’, it’s not my place to say, I’m not a mom.

Anyway, he tells me all the complicated ins and outs of his personal and work life and I decided, because I’m the queen of bad decisions and giving people the benefit of the doubt, that I can deal with this.  We’d been out several times at that point (all oddly odd times as his schedule truly sucks and he is unwavering in his ‘norm’).  We spoke a little about the upcoming weekend that I would be in town and that he wouldn’t have his son with him.  I was very much looking forward to spending some quality time with him as all our prior dates were pretty much 2 hours long.  Exactly.  We hadn’t spoken about any specific plans for the weekend, but I let him know that I was looking forward to it and he replied in kind.

We spoke a bit about my vacation home as well and how I would love to take him there at some point in the future as it is in a place that he hasn’t been in 10 years and was looking forward to going back to.  Look at us proceeding at a normal (whatever that is) pace!

I was in said vacation place Saturday when I received his excited text telling me that he was planning a trip to said town the following weekend.  The weekend that we had talked about my need to be at home and how much I was looking forward to seeing him. IN town. He said he hoped I would be able to join him in said vacation locale and that he already booked a hotel.  Uhm, wait.  First of all, I own a place there, on the beach.  As he neither knows what part of the beach or even the general location of my place, how did he know where to book a hotel?  Why wouldn’t he wait to talk to me and coordinate a weekend that we could both be there?  Why, after 10 years of not being there, did he have to go right then and there?  Of course, I didn’t say any of these things to him.

What I did say was that I couldn’t get out-of-town that next weekend and that I was sad that he chose the weekend we had already spoken about doing something in our home town together to travel and that I had been looking forward to being his tour guide when we did make it to said vacation destination.  What I got in return was a 9 part text message explaining that our schedules are apparently too conflicting and that he doesn’t have the time, or inclination to pursue a romantic relationship right now.  What.  The.  Fuck.  I am quite certain that if I had said that I could drop everything and be at the whim of his stupid spur of the moment ridiculousness, I wouldn’t have gotten said break up text, but as I live in reality, that’s not what happened.  I am sad, mad, disappointed and a bit astounded that he did this. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

A fun little aside is the entire text message thing.  He hates text messaging.  I am of the mind that text message is for short little ‘nothing’ messages (hi, how are you? thinking of you, have a good day, etc…) and NOT for any sort of serious conversations.  We actually had this conversation on Tuesday when we last saw each other. He agreed.  And he still opted to break up with me via text……awesome.

 

I Think I Had A Good Time February 27, 2017

You’re welcome in advance for this not being a whiny post about my less than envious love life.  Can I really even call it a love life if I haven’t had any semblance of a relationship in uh, years?!  *cue sad music*

Anywho, this is a post about my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  Well, a post about what I can remember from my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  My friend and I are kind of in the same boat as far as guys go.  She’s at least had a couple short lived relationships in the past few years, but the guys always either ghost, flip out or turn into someone other than who they appeared to be.  She tries to slog through the wold of online dating as well.  We are both convinced that our bad luck in love at our advanced ages is Karma firmly kicking us in the ass for all the fun we had in our 20s.  Believe me, we had a LOT of fun back then.

Back to the beach.  We arrived on Thursday afternoon and immediately decided to start day drinking.  Bad decision #1.  Bad decision #2 was to make an exceptionally strong (and large) vodka soda.  Bad decision #3 was to decide, when I discovered that I forgot to bring lemons, to add an entire can of Mike’s Harder Lemonade to my already lighter-fluid-ish drink in order to get that lemon flavor.  Bad decision #4 was to then decide, after sucking that gross tasting concoction down (can’t waste perfectly good alcohol) that since it was technically National Margarita Day (that’s a thing, right?) to go to the restaurant on property to enjoy some 2 for 1 Margaritas.  Details after that are a little fuzzy.  As in I don’t really remember shit.  My friend did assure me that I didn’t make a complete ass of myself and that I was safely passed out on the couch without having embarrassed myself too much.  Passed out on the couch by 8:30pm.  Lovely.

The next couple of days included many many cocktails, a lobster-esque sunburn,  getting lost multiple times in a town that I should really be able to navigate by now and not a single solitary conversation with anyone of the opposite sex.  Well, that’s unless you include the short and sweet conversation we had with the ridiculously drunk and obnoxious husband of the wife teetering around on stiletto heals.  At the beach.  Oh, and by ‘short and sweet’ I of course mean ‘he was a ginormous idiot that I had to stop my friend from knocking out as he had absolutely NO filter when it came to what he thought was appropriate to say to complete strangers’.

Good times!

 

30 Hours February 22, 2017

Filed under: bumble,dating,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:24 pm

That’s how long it takes him to respond to a text.  On average.  Sometimes it’s a scant 6 hours, sometimes it’s up to 2 days.  30 hours.  A day and a quarter.  On average. Enough time to drive to a different state.  Or two.  Plenty of time to fly to Vegas and lose thousands of dollars.  Enough time to go on 2 mediocre internet dates.

I get that he has a career that requires his full attention and there is no time to check his phone or respond.  I get that he’s busy.  I know that he thinks about me as he’s told me so.  What I don’t get is why it takes him so long to respond.

Sure, he could be someone who prefers face to face communication.  Who isn’t?  I’m the same way.  But if we don’t see each other and he doesn’t call, text (or carrier pigeon) is about the only option left.  His texts are long and sweet but singular.  As in just one per day.  That one may come in 4 parts, but it’s still just one text.  Every 30 hours.

He sent me a sweet text the other day at 5am.  Regardless of the sender or content, who on earth appreciates a text alert wake up call 2 hours before they actually have to wake up?  Not me.  As I didn’t want to encourage more 5am text messages, I waited until 6:15am to respond and no, I didn’t make a snarky reference to the inappropriateness of sending a text at 5am.  So I replied at 6:15am.  His reply, in turn, arrived promptly at noon. THE NEXT DAY.

He sent me a flirty text on Saturday.  I didn’t really respond in kind.  I don’t think my ego could take sending a flirty text and then not getting a response until the next day…..

 

Speed Dating Is Like Shooting Fish In A Barrel February 18, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,dating,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single,speed dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:32 am

**haha, found this uber bitchy post of mine from 4 years ago in my drafts folder.  As I am more than certain that the ‘joy’ of speed dating is the same today as it was then, here you go**

Ever heard that saying? Not the speed dating part, but the shooting fish in a barrel part. Not to insult anyone’s intelligence, but it is used to describe something that is exceptionally easy. Something that takes very little effort and doesn’t come close to taking you out of your comfort zone. That’s what speed dating is for me. I can talk to a wall. I prefer not to talk to walls as it mainly earns me odd looks from people, but what can ya’ do? Unfortunately, I might have preferred talking to drywall last night as the biggest ‘connections’ I made were with 2 other females that showed up for the event. Minds out of the gutter people. I don’t mean that sort of connection. They were just nice and friendly and frankly, more attractive than ALL of the guys. Combined. 

I debated whether or not to cancel yesterday as I was tired but I opted to ‘just do it’ (thank you pithy Nike commercial). I showed up in an awesome little t shirt dress and strappy sandals and looked pretty darn cute if I do say so myself. I won’t give you the rundown on how amazingly unorganized the entire event was as no one really cares about that crap, but I will give you a rundown of all the stellar ‘dates’ that I went on. Or more accurately; endured.

There were 19 women that showed up for the event and a whopping 12 guys. Which was about 11.5 guys too many. Remember how I was worried about being the oldest one there as the age cut off was 45? Yeah, well most of the guys and a few of the women took some creative liberties with their age. Yey. Just like internet dating!

So you know the drill; sit and chat with some guy for 5 minutes and when the bell rings, you switch. Sometimes you feel like 5 minutes isn’t nearly long enough and wish you had more time, others, 5 minutes seems like an eternity. It was mostly the latter. I was assigned number 11 and was sat at a table at the end of the room facing in, so I could see every other speed dating table and thus be able to see who was headed my way. I guess so I could gauge how big a swig of my Absolute Soda I would need. In your five minute ‘mini dates’ you’re supposed to find out as much as possible about the guys and try to see if there is any interest. As I’m a fairly superficial bitch, I knew by looking at the men that there wasn’t much interest on my part so instead of the awesomely soul searching ‘what do you do for a living’, ‘where do you live’, ‘what do you do in your spare time’ questions, I just bullshitted with them. Mainly to keep myself entertained.

1st there was Sasha. A 28 year old data entry guy who spoke broken English and mumbled. No clue why he was in the 35-45 year old group, but he said he had tried his age group and ‘it didn’t work’. I didn’t ask.

Next there was Alex. A 4’10” Greek man. Who proceeded to ask me what I was looking for in a relationship while I just kinda looked at him thinking ‘really’? I could have been an uber bitch and said ‘well Alex, I’m looking for a tall man that speaks English fluently’ but I didn’t. I gave my patented bullshit response of ‘someone who makes me laugh’.

Next was Mike. A very nice man from England. Sorry, a very nice 65 year old man from England. A very nice 65 year old man from England who hates his job. Yey.

Then there was Seth. Seth was a funny and entertaining chiropractor. Although he was not hugely offensive to look at (I know, I’m a peach), he had the oddest hairline. Very high up on his forehead and straight across. Kinda disconcerting.

After that was Shaun. Shaun kinda stumbled up the steps, said ‘watch my fucking sheet’, slapped his top secret ‘yes or no’ chart on the table and wove his way to the bathroom. When he got back, he went to the bar for another drink. Darn the luck, right when he got back to me, the bell rang. Thanks for playing Shaun. You will be marked a big fat NO. Oh wait, the bell didn’t ring until after he pointed out one of the other female speed daters and whispered, at the top of his lungs, ‘that one is a fucking bitch’. Uhm……thanks.

Then there was the little man with piercing blue eyes and the worst hairpiece I have ever seen. If he was a day under 65, then I must be 12.

The chubby Asian guy was next. Don’t really recall what we spoke about. Oh well.

There was Walter who had a sparkling set of fake teeth and very pronounced lisp.

There was Roberto who had really cool hair and thought he was Don Juan.

Brian was a darling architect originally from Boston. A good conversationalist, a snazzy dresser and all of about 5’2”. Oh, and with the most fucked up teeth I’ve seen in a long time. If I was about a foot shorter, I may have actually given him a ‘yes’ as the other guys set the bar just that low for him.

The whole speed dating idea is to take notes on the guys as you talk to them (and they’re supposed to do the same for you) and then at the end, you mark either yes or no. If you mark yes for a guy who also marks yes for you, then it’s a mutual match and you get e mailed their contact information the next day.

Being the ginormous busy body that I am, I looked at every guy’s sheet to see that the majority had marked yes for almost every woman. Kinda like hedging their bets. Now not to toot my own horn, but there were women in all shapes and sizes there last night. Spanning from 35 up to 60 (at least). Of varying nationalities. It’s one thing to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but really?!? Sadly, I have not received an e mail today notifying me of my mutual matches. I’m guessing mainly because I marked every single guy a no. Whoopsie. So yes, speed dating was like shooting fish in a barrel ……. If the fish in the barrel were chum. You know, that gross crap that fishermen use …

 

Patience Is Someone Else’s Virtue February 17, 2017

Patience is certainly NOT one of my virtues.  I’m all about instant gratification! That doesn’t mean I don’t work damn hard for the things I want, but it does mean that I have a hard time convincing myself that not everything moves along at the pace that I want it to.  Dating, in particular.  If I like someone, I expect for them to like me back (HA, we all know how well that has worked out for me in the past).  I expect them to keep in touch.  I expect, if there was a good date, that I will hear from them within the ‘3 day rule’.  I can’t stand ‘rules’.  I follow none of them.  I like to create my own.  Again, not to the most successful results.

I KNOW that not everyone thinks alike.  My god, can you imagine what a shit-show the world would be if we did?  Well, more so than it already is.  I KNOW that there are no rules.  I KNOW that people move at their own pace.  What I don’t know is why, why, why my mind always runs to the negative if I don’t hear from someone according to my timeline.  It’s so ridiculous and counter productive.  I truly believe in the pithy ‘put out into the universe what you want back’ and that ‘positivity begets positivity’.  My mind still wanders to the negative.  And not negative about the other person, mind you.  Negative about myself.  Along the lines of ‘what did I do wrong’, ‘why doesn’t he like me’ or any multitude of other self-destructive thoughts.

I’ve always been this way.  I wish I knew where it stemmed from.  I guess I’ll just blame my mother. 😉 And all the schmucks I went to high school with. Dumb fuckers

Anywhoo, I had that great date.  4 days ago.  And hadn’t heard from him since.  Of course I have annoyingly inevitably replayed the date in my mind a few hundred times trying to figure out what I did wrong.  Trying to figure out why he would walk me to my car and give me a kiss if he wasn’t interested.  Why he wouldn’t lock down another date right then and there.  I know full well that this is MY bullshit and not his.  He’s a good guy.  If he doesn’t like me, then it’s his loss (if I say it enough, I will believe it right).  That I WILL hear from him (if I say it enough, it will happen, right?).

After annoying myself trying to figure out what I did wrong and finally coming to the realization (kind of) that I did nothing wrong, that I was just being me and that if he doesn’t appreciate me with all my faults and ridiculousness, someone else will.  Who probably lives in another state, mind you, but whatever.  I swear it’s exhausting being me with my over thinking nature.

And then I get a text………..

 

So, I Had A Date….. February 14, 2017

Filed under: bumble,dating,dinner out,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:37 pm

Well, as we all know, I’ve had MANY dates.  Good ones, bad ones, annoying ones, scary ones, sad ones, amazing ones and ones that I wish had never happened.  This one would fall under the ‘good’ category.  No, not GREAT, but also not awful and honestly, one of the best dates I’ve had in a while.  Yes, I know.  I’ve set the bar shockingly low….

He was polite, kind, smart and interesting.  We talked about all sorts of things.  He is kinda fascinating.  Funny that I’ve said that about several men in the past few months.  I don’t mean fascinating in a ‘I could do an entire case study on the oddities of how your mind works’ kinda way either.  I mean fascinating as in, well, fascinating.  Apparently I’m attracted to intelligence.  Who knew?!

Well, I always did.  As we all know, I’m also attracted to ‘projects’.  He is NOT one of those.  I don’t think.  Thank G-d.  What we (and by ‘we’ I mean ‘you’) don’t know is who this gentleman is.

Did Repo Man finally come through and meet me and sweep me off my feet?  Did ‘Hi’ find his voice and conversational skills?  Was it one of the many other hot (and by ‘hot’ I mean ‘not so hot’) prospects on Bumble come through?  Was it someone I may, or may not, have met by hanging out in the frozen foods section of the grocery store?  That never works, btw.  And I only know that because a ‘friend’ tried it and only proceeded to get in the way of harried housewives and families with little kids.  Says my friend.

I’m going to hold off on saying who this was.  It was only one date.  It went well.  I hope that there will be a subsequent date (and I really think there will be), but I guess I’ll just have to wait and see…..Which, of course, means that you will have to wait and see…..

 

I Hope No One Snatches You Up February 8, 2017

So, Repo Man. The man who I have been waiting to meet for close to 4 months. The one who got lucky ‘had a really good 3rd date’ 2 nights before we were supposed to meet way back in October. The one that I commended on being so honest and doing the right thing by the gal who slept with him right on schedule. No, really, as we hadn’t met, I had no reason to be upset or anything other than understanding.

Sure, I was disappointed, but I am also trying to give the universe more room to do right by me. Although we never met, we have kept in touch. Yeah, probably not the nicest thing I’ve ever done, but does it make it any better if he was usually the one to contact me first? Darn, didn’t think so. Too bad….

Anyway, we have texted more than a few times over the past 3+ months. He would usually start the text chat by asking if ‘anyone had snatched me up yet’. We spoke on the phone once for what was a pretty great 2 hour-long conversation. We texted pretty consistently once he broke up with bachelorette #1. He said he wanted to take a couple of weeks off from dating. He hoped that ‘no one would snatch me up’ before he decided to meet and inevitably fall in love with me.

We finally had our long-awaited date set for last Friday. I was so excited/nervous to finally meet him. We all know that I don’t stay in contact with people for so long without actually meeting them in person. I don’t want to risk getting invested or attached before it’s been determined if there is even any chemistry before us. As Repo Man seemed so amazing, I made the exception. And it paid off. Our eyes locked as soon as we met and he gave me the biggest hug in the universe. Then he kissed me! Woah, I know that online dating and texting back and forth for almost 4 months can give a false sense of knowing someone, but it was, in fact, the 1st time we’d met. As it’s 2017 and I’m trying new things, I opted to just go with it. And it was pretty great. We proceeded to have the best time ever. We talked and laughed and held hands and had a great time. Oh wait, this is me that we’re talking about. None of that happened. Because he cancelled on me. Again. The day before our date. Again.

Again it was a very valid excuse. Someone in his family was just diagnosed with a serious illness. I completely get it. Take a week or so to wrap your head around it and get a handle on the diagnosis and treatment plan. Cancel temporarily. Postpone for a week or so. After telling me how his relationship with this certain relative has never been great and after telling me that he feels obligated, I told him that he was doing the right thing. We spoke for a few more minutes and then hung up.

And then it hit me. He didn’t cancel temporarily on me. He cancelled INDEFINITELY on me. AGAIN. WTF? I get the being upset. I get the feeling of obligation. What I don’t get is cancelling on someone who you were supposedly overly excited to meet. The dots just don’t connect. I had a weird feeling all of last week. We had texted all throughout the weekend, but then nothing for the next 4 days until I was the one to check in to reconfirm our plans. Although he has claimed to never have lied to me and I have never doubted his intentions to meet, I feel there is something else at play. It just doesn’t make sense. Is he back with his ex? Did he meet someone new (again) before we could meet? Does he really just completely shut down when something bad happens? I sort of want to talk to him and just ask if there is something else going on instead of just assuming the worst. But I won’t. Even after 4 months of corresponding, I have no right. He owes me nothing.

You know what alerted me to the fact that he cancelled not temporarily on me, but indefinitely on me? He ended the conversation with ‘hopefully no one will have snatched you up by then’. Super.

 

Hi There February 7, 2017

So I was supposed to meet ‘Hi’ on Thursday for what he didn’t specifically say, but I assumed was to be dinner.  As part of my ‘stop trying to manage dates’ campaign of 2017, instead of trying to steer it to just drinks, I said okay.  A girl’s gotta eat. 😉 He has checked in most days since the date was set with either a ‘hi’ (his trademark, ya’ know), a ‘how’s your day’ or a ‘good morning’.  Very sweet.  Oddly enough, his ‘good morning’ texts usually come in between noon and 1pm.  Er, technically not morning but whatever.

He messaged me today saying he couldn’t wait to meet me!  Again, so very sweet.  He then asked if I could meet tonight instead of Thursday.  I figured why not.  While still not able to get excited about the date, I was so hoping to be pleasantly surprised.  I followed all my new best friend’s/psychic’s advice on being positive and manifesting good things.

Well, let’s just call this a trial run.  I put on a cute outfit and arrived at the restaurant.  As I was early, I was waiting outside playing a rousing game of Words With Friends when he walked up.  Great big smile, shorter than me and several years older than his profile photos depicted.  He was SO nice, but the conversation was SO stilted and awkward I just couldn’t ‘connect’ with him.  To be honest, I wasn’t trying very hard, but then again, I don’t think you should have to try hard for it to happen.

We had a great dinner and he picked up the bill which was very nice (again, my new best friend/psychic/dating coach told me to stop offering to pay or split the check).  He walked me to my car and gave me a hug.

Odd things about our date:

  1. He grabbed my hand right away
  2. He then high fived me (what?)
  3. Then I got a fist bump
  4. Then he invited himself to my vacation property – WITH ME!
  5. Then, for whatever reason we were talking about taxes (shush, it just came up) and he asked me if I usually get a refund or have to pay
  6. He played with my hair
  7. He invited me to go to the mountains with him in his RV
  8. He was apparently interested in the Fitbit I was wearing, but instead of asking about it, he just reached across me and grabbed my wrist! Mind you, we weren’t even talking about it, he just randomly did this.

Now, we all know that if I was into the guy, a few of these things wouldn’t have been so odd/annoying, but as I wasn’t, WTF?  We also know that if I’m not really ‘feeling’ a date (although he felt me several times!), I will try to make myself be the opposite of what he says he likes.  If he likes Rock, I say I like bee-bop music.  If he says he loves sci-fi, I say I hate it.  If he likes to vacation in an RV, I say I prefer hotels.  In this instance, however, I didn’t need to do any of that as we naturally seem to be polar opposites with absolutely nothing in common.

I feel bad about this one.  He is a nice guy and really wants to find someone, but I’m just not her.  I wish I knew someone for him ……

 

A New Trend February 2, 2017

** Going through my drafts folder, I keep finding these little gems that although are more than 2 years old, still seem to apply to the world of online dating.  Lucky me?**

There seems to be a new trend in my stellar world of online dating.  And you all know that by ‘stellar’, I mean ‘shitty’, right?  I’ve corresponded with some seemingly really good guys lately.  There was the teacher that very sweetly declined my invitation to fall in love with me message me.  There was the terrific guy with all the water toys that seemed so sweet and kind and funny.  There was the Golfer who I actually met, liked and was looking forward to seeing again.  All of these men are different in very distinct ways.  Looks, height, education, career, age ….. they are flung far and wide (see?  I’m trying to broaden my horizons).  They all have one thing in common though.  And I’m none too pleased about it.

Each and every one of these men messaged me last.  Very sweet and somewhat flirty messages.  Messages that made me smile.  Messages that prompted me to sign on to respond.  Messages that were apparently sent mere minutes before each and every one of them either hid their profiles or blocked me never to be heard from again.  What. The. Fuck.?

What’s the point of that? I’ll never know.  At least I still have Arkansas who is currently not only bugging the shit out of me with repeated messages that go something like “hi, how are you? when can we meet?” (after I’ve told him repeatedly that I am swamped with work and that I don’t think our schedules match up).  He also sends me messages addressing me as ‘gorgeous’ and telling me that I’m ‘hot’.  Uhm, shouldn’t I find this flattering?  I don’t.  I find them highly creepy.  *sigh*

 

Who Does What February 1, 2017

So we all know that I have a groundbreaking 2 dates this week.  One with someone I was ‘meh’ about and one with someone that I am fairly excited about.  Yeah, I know, that doesn’t bode well for me, but with my new and improved 2017 positive attitude regarding my love-life (see? I’m not even going to add ‘or lack thereof’ when mentioning my love life….oh, wait), I’m trying to keep those thoughts at bay.  And I fully intend to fall in love on Friday.  Shit, that’s night right either, is it?

So anywhoo, I have 2 dates lined up with 2 men that have completely different communication styles.  Of course I prefer one style over the other, and although a combination of frequency and content would be ideal, that just ain’t happening….

Bachelor #1:

1. Texts daily with a ‘hi’ a ‘how are you’ or a ‘good morning’. Oddly enough, his good morning texts usually come in around noon or 1pm. Huh….

2. His texts are not very engaging and are usually just a few words in response.  As you well know from reading my blathering, I can TALK.

3. He picked a time and place for our date well in advance and has already reconfirmed with me.

4. He has told me how excited he is to meet me and actually asked if we could move our date up sooner

Bachelor #2

1) Does not text often, but when he does they are conversational in tone and go on for a while.

2) Although he locked down a day for our date, I am still awaiting information on time and location (tic toc, as I write this it’s 2 days before said date)

3) He has told me (repeatedly) how excited he is to meet me and that he wished that Friday would get here sooner,  but hasn’t been in contact the past 3 days (yes, I keep track of these things – welcome to my world)

I’m sure you can figure out which one I am more excited about meeting.  Of course it’s the one that does not check in often or put my overly imaginative/over-thinking/neurotic mind at ease.

I’m working on the whole ‘if it was meant to be, it will be’ as well as the confidence that I should have going into this and knowing that if he’s the guy I think he is, that I have nothing to worry about.  Easier said than done.  And to prove that point, I give you this post.  We haven’t even met yet for shit’s sake.  Why am I even thinking ahead on this?  Oh, that’s right.  Because I’m me ……….

 

Oh Universe, You Make Me Laugh….. January 30, 2017

Wasn’t sure which title to use:  When it rains it pours?  It’s raining men?  All or nothing?  Regardless of what the title is, the subject matter remains the same.  While the universe seems to be smiling on me for a change, it still likes to give me a little poke and test me.  I should be used to it by now.  And this time, darn it, I will prevail….

So I met that very nice man the other night when I was out with friends.  He took my number and being the oh so positive rendition of myself that I am this year, I hope know he will call.

I have a date set up with the one with no name for Thursday.  Although I’m not overly excited about it, I did look back on our Bumble conversations and although his usual ‘hi’ text messages of late leave much to be desired, he was witty and conversational towards the beginning.  Maybe he’s just waiting to meet to bring that side back out again.

I got a text last night from Repo Man.  He asked me out.  Finally.  Although I have been looking forward to this for months (3, to be exact), I find that I am now nervous.  Lovely.  I’ll pull it together of course before next weekend.  I made sure that he had no 3rd dates with anyone scheduled before our date as I’d actually like for us to meet this time.  I think he’s a terrific guy and I am excited to meet him.  I do need to put my overthinking self away for a bit though as I am already assuming he is lining up multiple dates for next week and I am just one in the crowd.  Like last time.  I will do my best to realize that it doesn’t matter how many women he meets; that if I’m the right one, none of the others will matter.  I do think he was texting with someone else at the same time that we were however.  Not a big fan, but then again, not my business.  Yet.

To round out my week, yesterday was one of TD’s son’s birthdays.  I saw a picture posted on the root of all evil FB of the big, festive dinner that TD, his kids, his son’s friends and the closet dwelling lunch lady were included in.  I have he and his nutbag fiance blocked on FB, but as they weren’t tagged in the photos and I am friends with his kids, it showed up on my timeline.  Thank you FB.  It looked like a fun time and for a split second I though ‘I should be there’.  Then I got over it.  Instead I took note of the fact that the closet dwelling lunch lady still has the most hideous hair ever, that TD looked liked like he has gained weight and that my stomach did not drop when I saw the photo as it has done in years gone by.  I’ll call that a win, thank you very much!

So although the universe has the dating gods finally throwing me a bone, did they have to throw 3 in the same week?

 

Maybe There’s Something To This…. January 29, 2017

Filed under: aura,dating,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,psychic — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:11 am

So there was that awesome date I had a while a go where the ‘gentleman’ (and I use that term loosely) insulted me repeatedly.  Unintentionally, of course.  Then we have the dickhead who accused me of lying and ‘date stacking’ before we even met.  Then there was Presumed Married Guy who turned out to be just as immature and ridiculous as I always thought.  While I do still have a meeting (I can’t even call it a date) with Mr ‘Hi’ for next week and still am sort of hoping to meet Repo Man, who although we still chat and text, isn’t ready to ‘date’, I’m on the verge of going offline.  Again.  After all of 2 months.

While I had already decided that I was going to do things differently in 2017 and had some of my thoughts and ideas confirmed by my new best friend/psychic, I’m always a bit worried that my ideas might fall flat.  I opted to test drive one last night.  I went to a group happy hour with a bunch of people that I didn’t know.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  If I’m in a big group of people where I know no one, I automatically turn into the biggest wallflower you’ve ever seen.  Give me just one person that I know and feel comfortable with in that group and I turn into my very own floor show.  Luckily I had plans to meet a friend and his new girlfriend prior to the start of the event, so all was good!

We met for a drink, chatted and prepared ourselves for the onslaught of people to arrive.  And they did.  And a very small older man seemed to take a liking to me.  Uh, no.  I was polite, yet not overly engaging.  We spoke a bit about our work and he asked for my business card.  Shit.  I, of course, gave it to him in the hopes that he actually calls to hire me and NOT to ask me out.  Anyway, as the group arrived and everyone sat down, I found myself seated next to older man and was really uncomfortable.  I awkwardly excused myself and went back to sit at the bar.  Luckily my friend, his girlfriend and another gentleman followed suit.  The 4 of us ended up having a great time and after regaling everyone with my less than stellar online dating stories, I found myself sitting next to someone new.  Who was very interesting, polite and engaging.  We talked for over an hour and during that time my friend and his girlfriend left.  Also during that time the little older man walked passed and announced ‘I’ll call you’.  Errrrr, thanks.

Anywhoo, Mr New Guy ended up asking for my phone number!  I can’t even remember the last time that someone new, met organically, that I had even the slightest interest in, did that!  Yey.  I gave it to him, he walked me to my car, he gave me a big hug and that was that.  I did drive home with a smile on my face though.  I said a little thank you to my new best friend/psychic for giving me the insight and courage to go out, meet people in person and leave my seemingly impossible to scale walls at home.  What do you know?  It worked!

The fact that new guy is a psychiatrist shouldn’t concern me, right?  😉

 

 

Miss Cleo Is Alive And Well January 24, 2017

Filed under: aura,dating,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,psychic,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:00 am

So I went to a well know spiritual mecca with some friends over the weekend.  We usually go once a year in order to find out what the year ahead will hold.  Do we actually believe in psychics, tarot, aura and all else?  Er, I kinda don’t.  However, I kinda do.  While the logical side of my mind knows that generalities can be said that people choose to fit into their world, I would also like to be able to believe that some of this isn’t all smoke and mirrors.

First I got an aura reading.  This is where they take your photo with a thermodynamic fancy schmancy camera.  You can’t actually see your face, but it ‘reads’ the energy around you.  Each color represents something different.  The aura photo I received on Saturday was VERY similar to one I received 2 years ago with the exception of the murky green ‘healing’ part that I blame TD for back then.  In direct contrast to the persona that I put forward, it was pretty interesting to ‘see’ the more spiritual side of me.  Don’t get me wrong, I am neither religious nor exceptionally spiritual (unless hoping that karma kicks certain online daters in the ass counts), but I do believe in energies to a degree.  My aura photo shows that I am a complete Empath.  Someone who takes on everyone else’s problems and tries to help/solve/smooth over any issues.  This is 100% accurate.  My aura photo also showed that I am surrounded by angels.  Laugh if you will, but it might actually be true.  How on earth have I made it this far in the world on my own?  The other colors in my photo were, as my reader told me, ones that everyone hopes to have and varying shades of blue.  Huh.  My friends, of course, had completely different readings but all were pretty spot on.

Next I had a psychic reading and here is where an enormous lesson was learned.  The psychic I chose came up to me wearing sunglasses, a baseball hat and a coat.  He said to follow him and proceeded to walk about 20 paces ahead of me.  He didn’t smile, he didn’t introduce himself and he walked so far ahead of me I couldn’t hear a word he said.  We get to his ‘office’ and I sit down, seriously considering getting right back up and asking for a different psychic.  He says to me ‘wow, what is wrong, you have an enormous wall up’.  I tell him I am feeding off of his energy and he then says ‘my energy is fine, what’s wrong with yours’?  Uhm, WTF?!  So I tell him that I was offput by the fact that he neither smiled, introduced himself nor seemed to be all that engaging and whenever anyone offends me, I just close off.  He completely apologized, we chatted a bit more and he turned out to be a GREAT GUY.  He called me out on my bullshit, he knew about my family challenges, he knows I’m coming off of a several shitty years.  He sees good things to come.  He knew things that I didn’t allude to.  He sees a lot of positives.  I definitely have some work to do, but he sees me coming out of my shell and ‘blossoming’ this year.  Kinda funny he said that as that’s kind of what I feel.  I mean really, I’m wandering around with bright red hair!  He pulled tarot cards while we talked and those cards were to point to the outcome of whatever topic we were on at the time.

He thinks I need to move.  To leave the state that I have been living in for the past umpteen years.  I’ve been planning on doing that anyway, so yey!  Although he hates online dating (not sure if that was an opinion or finding), he does see me meeting someone.  He promised I won’t die alone (whew!).  He saw that TD (sorry) was, in fact, a soul mate, but was never one meant to last.  That I have another one coming.  That I need to work on being more open; on putting down my walls; that I need to do a lot more self care of pampering for myself.  That I need to do less pampering and spoiling of others (including guys).  That I have some deceptive friendships (eek).  He read off my birth chart and off my energy and our conversations.  I believe most of what he told me.  He told me I need to be more positive about myself.  That people will feed off my energy (as shown by our initial interaction).  He sees me ‘with’ someone around March or April.  Whether that is someone currently in my life or someone new, he wasn’t sure, but he saw it.  I choose to believe it.

We chatted a bit about specific men, but as I don’t know the birth-dates of these men, I couldn’t ask specifics.  We were chatting about one guy in particular that I have concerns about as I feel that he might be very much like TD.  The cards pulled during that talk were of heartache and things not working out.  Here’s the thing.  Since I was thinking of both TD & the other guy at the same time, which does this pertain to?  Of course, I don’t believe in the cards enough to discount anything without giving it a chance, but he did suggest that I not go into things all or nothing and that I need to practice not caring so much.  Huh.  Makes sense.  In my 20s & 30s I dated often.  Great guys that I either liked, didn’t like or were completely indifferent to.  Guys that I didn’t worry so much about what they thought of me.  Guys that I had a take it or leave it attitude with.  At no point during my awesome dating spree of decades gone past did I ever try to fit myself into the mold of what I thought these men were looking for.  I know for a fact I did that with TD.  Not at 1st, but as he slowly destroyed my self-confidence and picked away at who I was, I tried to take on the attributes and characteristics of the woman/women I thought he wanted.  As we all well know, that didn’t work out so hot!

Anyway, I had already sort of decided that 2017 is going to be MY year.  I deserve a good one.  I need to work on making it happen, but I will and it will.  I have been challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone and *gasp* it hasn’t been that horrible!  I need to go into things with a positive attitude (don’t worry, I’ll always come back here to release my inner snark).  I need to have more confidence; to smile more; to put myself out there.  And I will.

As for that important lesson learned?  It was about judging people and situations too quickly.  I assumed that my psychic didn’t like me and was an asshole, so I completely closed off and was defensive.  Instead of just walking out, I told him what my concerns were.  And all was right with the world again.  I need to give people and situations a chance.  I need to err on the side of being too confident (ha).  I need not take the blame for everything and need to try not to ‘fix’ the universe.  I’m going to work on it!  Set your clocks for late March and let’s see what happens! ❤

 

Old Friends January 19, 2017

And by ‘friends’, I mean previously used online dating sites.  G-d help me.

I re-activated my profile in OkCupid (forevermore to be referred to as OkStupid for obvious reasons) after almost 3 years.  And wanted to kill myself within the 1st hour.  Not only was I inundated with messages from inappropriately young boys letting me know how sexy I am, but I received messages from guys I recognized.  Not that I had actually met any of them, but they had not changed a single profile photo in the last 3 years.  Way to keep it current guys!

I did receive a message from a guy who wrote a terrific, if overly sensitive, profile.  So I responded.  With one of my famous ‘you wrote a terrific profile’ and then referred to a detail he included so he knew I actually read his profile and didn’t just say that I did.  I got a response back letting me know that he thought I was very in touch with my feelings or some such bullshit as not a single syllable in my response was remotely touchy-feely.  Whatevs.  He explained that he wanted to meet as he didn’t like messaging back and forth forever.  Uhm, I guess 2 messages seemed excessive to him.  summoning my devil may care red hair mentality, I said sure.  As I knew what part of town he lived in, I picked a place in between us both and suggested it.  He countered with someone closer to him and further from me.  Uhm…….. I explained that I wasn’t familiar with the specific area but would test my navigational skills and he responded back with a somewhat petulant ‘okay, we’ll meet in the area that you suggested’.  Duh.  So we set a time and a day and that was that.  Literally.  Not one word since.

As I hadn’t heard from him in 2 days, I sent a quick ‘as I haven’t heard from you, I wanted to make sure we were still on for Thursday’.  He responds with a ‘yes, we are still on.  i would let you know if I couldn’t make it. Due to the flake factor on here I don’t communicate further with anyone until I meet them’.  Again, uhm……what?!  Cynical much?  Self fulfilling prophecy much?  Off-putting much?  Why yes, yes it is.  I am going to keep the date for tomorrow, but I will probably also feel the need to argue his philosophy on the cutting off contact cold turkey, with no warning, once a date is set.  Kinda weird.  Anywhoo, I guess I’ll let you know ………..