I Miss You January 26, 2020

So read Mr. OoT’s last text to me.  Well of course you do, you big dumbass.  You had a year and half (actually, almost 2 years) to step up and at least TRY to get some help with your issues, but no, it was all too ‘inconvenient’ for you.  I just wasn’t worth it for you to put in the effort.  Idiot.

He had sent me a text with a link to a dishwasher the other day.  I ignored it.  I know what he was doing.  He counted on me to help him replace all his piece of shit appliances in his new piece of shit house.  To let him know what would look best.  To find the best deal.  To make sure all would work.  You see, Mr. OoT isn’t big on details.  I think he probably reads every 3rd word (at best) when reading descriptions (or my texts, for that matter).  The last time he ordered an appliance online, ‘it got delivered in the wrong color’.  No, my friend.  No it didn’t.  You failed to notice that the microwave you were purchasing was Almond in color, not white.

The fact that Mr. OoT’s favorite time to online shop is at night when high, it came as no surprise.  I actually had to keep myself from laughing the day the microwave got delivered and he removed it from the box.  He was SO pissed!  Anywhoo, back to this dishwasher.  It was an 18″ one.  Most people know that a standard dishwasher is either 23 or 24 inches across. For those that don’t, reading the product description as ‘compact version will fit in smaller spaces’ might be a bit of a tip-off.  This ALL escaped his notice.

He sent me a follow up message the next day asking “yes or no?”  I had more than half a mind to give him the thumbs up so he would order it and be super pissed/surprised when this mini version arrived.  As I’m not (always) a complete bitch, I wrote back that it would be better for him to order a standard sized dishwasher. He had NO CLUE that dishwashers come in different sizes. *sigh*

He then thanked me for pointing that out, said he would try not to bother me so much and then, as a separate text, sent an “I miss you” and a crying emoji.  I think by the time I am completely over all of this will be 3 seconds before we board our international flight together next month.  And then I can start the whole process over again. *sigh*

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If You Can’t Beat Them …… January 24, 2020

So we all know how I feel that Facebook is the root of all evil. Oh, you didn’t? Well, I do. People share WAY too much information. I neither care nor am interested in knowing what you had for lunch yesterday. Or the day before. I don’t want to read about your every thought that crosses through your head.

I especially don’t want to see all the Namaste posts made by people that I know for a fact to be pretty much the opposite of Namaste and peace and love. Yes, Mr. OoT and oldest sister, I’m looking at you.

Facebook is good for keeping in touch with old friends. Facebook is for people you never really liked in your past to track you down in your present and friend request you. Facebook is to see what concerts are coming to your area. You know, important shit like that. Oh, and dog pictures. ALL the dog pictures.

It has always bothered me that people post their relationship status on Facebook. Announcing new relationships. Announcing the end of said relationships. It’s a well known fact that it’s not really real until it’s posted on Faceboo, right?

Anywho, it’s always bothered me that Mr. OoT likes to announce when he’s single (after waiting the less than appropriate 12 hours). When we 1st started dating he claimed to not know how to remove it from his main profile page. When he ‘figured it out’ on how to remove from his main profile, I discovered he had just moved it to his ‘about’ page. Again, he claimed ignorance. Btw, do we all know that Mr. OoT used to be an IT guy? Right.

So this morning, for whatever reason, I looked at Mr. OoT’s page. I looked at all his new ‘friends’. It will not surprise you to know that they are all female. Whatever. And all of them have ‘single’ as their status announced on their front page. I feel like warning them, but whatever, not my circus.

As I am, in fact, single, I opted to actually put that on my profile page. Mind you, I have never posted a relationship status on my profile. Ever. Single, dating, it’s complicated, in a relationship, nothing. I figure if I’m going to get the universe to do it’s job though, it couldn’t hurt to get a little help from Facebook, right? And maybe, just maybe, I did it as a middle finger to Mr. OoT. Namaste motherfucker…

Reminders January 21, 2020

Why is it that after a year and a half of tantrums (his, not mine), arguments, name calling and all around ridiculousness, my brain is fighting me to not discount all of this and remember all the good times.

All the fun we had.  The times he was sweet and thoughtful.  The time (just once) that he drove to my town to surprise me. The times he was a great boyfriend.  Our relationship was ridiculous.  Both his fault and mine.  I resisted liking him.  I fought admitting that I did.  I didn’t feel he was the type of person that I should be with.  I screwed up our relationship at the very start.  He screwed it up from there.

He has legit anger issues.  He can go from zero to 100 in 2 seconds.  He finds fault in everything.  He takes very little responsibility.  He has zero self awareness.  He fights dirty.  He always held our relationship over my head.  Always threatened to leave.  This last time he actually said, after telling me last time we were together how much he loves spending time with me and how he forgets how good we are together, that ‘he hates spending time with me’.  He did shit like that all the time.  Told me super sweet things and then, next argument, would counter by telling me how shitty I was.  Gah, it was ridiculous.

Nonetheless, I miss him.  I know I shouldn’t.  I’ve had to fight wanting to call him the past couple of days.  I’m not sure why.  Our conversations had gotten boring.  Surface as shit.  I had stopped telling him anything ‘important’ awhile ago as I didn’t want him to end up using anything important to me against me. That’s one fucked up relationship right there.

Could he be sweet and nice and supportive and charming and generous and kind?  Yes, absolutely.  Unfortunately, he could also be the most petulant, mean, petty, immature, over-reacting man alive.  I need to keep reminding myself of that.  That I deserve better.  That I deserve someone capable of having a discussion without spinning it into a huge argument.  Someone who realizes that once said, you cannot take shitty comments back.

I do miss Mr. OoT.  I do not miss how he treated me 40% of the time…….

Just Like Ordering A Pizza July 16, 2019

I’ve used this analogy to describe the Male (and yes, female too) mindset of online dating. It also describes the mindset of daters in general.  Thinking you can pick and choose the traits (toppings) you want for your mate (such a lame term). Mr. OoT is no exception.  Sure, everyone has some idea of what they want, but to have a specific list is, IMHO, insane.

As we all realize that Mr. OoT may be a bit insane himself, he is super specific in what he likes. Oddly so.  Not in important qualities like education, ability to hold a conversation, good heartedness or anything else that I would put at the TOP of my list.  These qualities would go at the bottom of his.  While he knows that a ‘dumb’ girl wouldn’t be able to hold his attention due to his love of a good debate, I’m pretty sure this other list trumps that.  His list is of a different kind. Like down to footwear. He likes blondes. Blondes with bobbed hair cuts to be weirdly specific (and outdated). Blondes with bobbed hair cuts that wear sundresses. And Birkenstocks. And smoke weed (not the kind you find in my yard). For the record, and just to state the obvious, I am NONE of the above aside from being blonde.

The Spinner is all of the above. I know this from my super sleuthing. Down to the sundress. Specifically a really ugly one that she sent a photo of to Mr. OoT when he said he loved them. It was hanging on a clothesline in her backyard. Of course it was. *insert eye roll here*

I’m more edgy than hippie in my dress.  I prefer footwear that doesn’t look like I’ve been wearing them since the mid ’70s.  I hate sundresses.  You can’t wear a bra with them and they have super weird squared off necklines.  And they remind me of something a little girl would wear (sorry to all you sundress lovers out there, they’re just not for me).  My life’s ambition (besides catching a tapeworm) is to grow my hair long.  And dye it super dark brown.  Just like Mr. OoT hates.  Which I will be doing next weekend.

On This Day….. July 17, 2018

You know how FB sends you ‘memories’ from previous years? Some are amazing memories and bring a smile to my face. Some make me think and realize how things have changed. There’s the whole remembrance of outings with friends. Of good times had. Of evolutions made. Of changes in circumstances. Then again, once every blue moon you get a ‘memory’ that you wish they wouldn’t have sent. From eight years ago:

some jack-hole from match (yes, i know) just sent me this: “I’m not married by choice. Ur a 42 yo w-no kids never married. Lol
Very odd for a woman. You better work on yourself. Who d want advice from u. I just re looked@your pics. I saw them hours ago. No wonder I forgot them. What a AVE looking plain jane. Not enough booze in AZ for me to date u. I wouldn’t walk across the ST. to say hi to u ! Get over your extremely ave self. You’re somebodys 10. Lol. Your a 5-6 to me. I date8s. Commit to 9s. There’s not a plastic surgeon ,that can get u to a 7! Lol”

Uhm, what the fuck? I’m wracking my brain to try to remember this guy or what the circumstances were to deserve such an awesome message, but I can’t. And that’s probably a good thing.

Ahhh, online dating. How I love you so. Not.

NEVER LET ANYONE DEFINE YOUR SELF WORTH! This took me a looooong time to fully embrace. I’m pretty sure this message knocked me on my ass for a few days back then (and might actually still if I were to receive this message today). Looks are just looks. Superficial assholes are just superficial assholes. I can only hope that Karma has done it’s work on this idiot.

Drawers, Speeding Tickets, Parents & Time Lapses May 30, 2018

So I got the drawer.  He was uber cute about it.  To me, it’s just a drawer.  To him, it’s more of symbolic letterman’s jacket.  He’s admitted that he’s the ‘girl’ in the relationship and worries all the time about what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling, if I’m tired of him yet, etc….. Kinda endearing.  And kinda nice for me not to be the more neurotic of the two.  Kinda freaks me out though that he’s seemingly trying to fast forward whatever it is we have going on (more to come on this in another post as this one is already hodge podgey enough)

 

I met his parents this weekend.  Completely unplanned.  They invited us over for a BBQ on Monday.  Mr. OoT HATES his mother.  Apparently she was a horrible, horrible mom.  He’s not the only sibling to feel this way.  He refers to his mom as ‘his dad’s wife’ or the antichrist.  My mom was less than stellar so I get it.  He has nothing good to say about her.  I feel bad.  He loves his dad dearly though, so it’s a bit of a trade-off.  He warned me that his mom is passive aggressive and a bit of a hoarder.  She was actually fine.  A bit neurotic and awkward, but fine.  Even Mr. OoT said that she ‘kept her crazy tucked away pretty well.”  Anywhoo, I’m sure they loved me.  Everyone does.  HA!  I guess I’ll wait to hear what the report comes in as.  I think his hatred of his mom takes up a lot of space in his already overly crammed, never silent mind, so it would be great if he could find some sort of a middle ground.

 

Mr. OoT and I went to a hot springs on Monday evening.  It was okay.  I had grand ideas of how amazing sexy time would be in a private hot springs room.  Huh, not so much.  Firstly, trying to have sex in the water is a bit of a challenge (for many reasons).  Secondly, I guess I wanted the water temp a bit too high for my delicate flower of a man, so he was feeling a bit woozy.  He was SOOOO embarrassed.  I almost felt like shit.  Almost.  Oh well.

 

On the way back to his apartment, I was rewarded with a police car siren and flashing lights in my rear-view mirror.  Super, you can never have enough speeding tickets, right?  To be clear, I WAS speeding.  I usually do.  I like to get to where I’m going.  To also be clear, Mr. OoT HATES cops.  Probably as much as he hates his mother.  I could tell that he was getting all worked up, so I asked him to please not say anything when the policeman approached.  I was driving and it was my car after all.  The policeman came to the window and informed me that I was speeding.  I was polite and lied told him that I had my cruise control set at xx mph, so was confused.  Mr. OoT began to pop off and I had to shush him.  When the cop walked away to run my license, Mr. OoT began a litany of  reasons that cops suck.  I basically had to tell him to shut the fuck up; in a nice way, of course.  After the 3rd time of rewording my ‘shut the fuck up’, he finally did.  The cop let me off with a warning (to which I thanked him and Mr. OoT wasn’t happy that I did that) and we were on our merry way again.  It could have been worse.  I handled it well.  I was polite and respectful.  Mr. OoT was not.  I was pissed.  He could have gotten me (and himself) in a lot of trouble.  He is seemingly unable to harness his self righteous ideals about things when it comes to deciding the best way to handle a specific situation.  Concerning, to say the least.

 

All in all we had a fun 4 days.  I got home Tuesday morning.  It was a good time.  Although still being the flakey, bad memory having, peter pan (ish) guy that he always was, he’s also super sweet to me.  Stay tuned for the ‘fast forward’ and my impending (or not) freak out …………….

 

Turn Tables May 27, 2018

So during our multitude of talks on Friday night, Mr. OoT asked me if I’d ever want to get married. I swear I almost wet the bed. Why the fuck is he asking me that? This is the 3rd weekend we’ve spent together. While I am certainly hoping he didn’t mean it in a will you marry me, kinda way (#4, really?), it freaked me out a little. As I was facing away from him at the time (little spoon, ya’ know), he wasn’t privy to my deer in the headlights facial expression. I did my best to rebound from my shock and not get all weirded out by the question. I told him I guess it would depend on the circumstances. That I had always assumed, as young and ignorant girl (before way too many years of online dating jaded me) that I would get married. That I truly would like to experience the ceremony and symbolism of it all. That I, regardless of how UN women’s lib it is, feel like a bit of a failure for never being married at 50. I think having years of online nimrods asking me ‘what’s wrong with you’ when they find out that I’ve not been married to thank for at least a little of this. Fuckers. After my response to Mr. OoT, I promptly changed the subject.

Mr. OoT is SUPER into me. It’s absolutely not in my nature or lack of ego to ever say something like that, but he’s pretty open about it. He’s also very neurotic and nervous about it. He keeps telling me that he’ll totally understand that when (not if) I decide in 6 months that he’s too weird for me, he’ll understand. I asked him why he thinks he’s such an unloveable weirdo. If it’s a factor of his own doing or if he’s been told this by others. He wouldn’t answer. I’m guessing it’s a combination of the two.

I asked him how many time he’s been in love. His first response was to say ‘apparently never as nothing has ever worked out’. I told him what a sadly ridiculous answer that was. That you can absolutely be in love and not have things work out. We talked about it a bit more and he changed his answer to 4. I called bullshit on that one too. He’s been married 3 times for fuck sake.

I did something completely insane the other day and I still don’t know why. I’m not a FB stalker or a google searcher. If I want to know something about someone, I just ask. I completely FB stalked him. Like every single post back 2009. Insane. And time consuming, I might add. If that isn’t concerning enough, I actually went the extra step of screen shotting every single ‘I love you’, ‘you are my world’, and any other declaration of love to different women. I actually find it odd that these women all went out of their way to post weirdly ‘look at me and my man’ posts on FB instead of sending them directly to him, but as I was presently being a psycho, who am I to judge? Anywho, apparently 2011 was a big year for him. 4 different women, in fairly quick succession, were the recipients of his heart. Why the hell do I care what happened 7 years ago? No clue.

Best yet about all of this? I told him I did it. He asked me why. I couldn’t answer. He wanted to know if I did it to use against him in the future. Weird. No. He wanted to know if I was in the process of trying to sabotage things. Against my usual M.O., again a big NO. I told him that I think he’s in love with the idea of love. He said I was wrong. I assure you, I am not. Anywhoo, I do think something that bothers me are all the ‘baby’, ‘you’re amazing’ and other terminology that he uses with me. Why on earth, at his advanced age of 40 whatever, would I think that I’d be the 1st woman that he calls baby?

I do find it refreshing, if not foreign as hell, for me to be so open and comfortable with him. Sure, I’m still the same neurotic dumbass that I’ve always been, but I just tell him about all of it. And instead of thinking I’m a total mess, he does his best to make me feel better and let’s me know how much he appreciates my honesty as it makes him feel more secure in things knowing that I’m a weirdo too.

Snoring, Drawers & Weird Sisters May 26, 2018

His, not mine.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I have weird sisters as well.  His is just extra special weird.  When I was here last, she came over to talk to Mr. OoT and, as I was in the room and am a judgy bitch intuitive, she is one of those people that thrives on chaos.  Self created, self defeating chaos.  Although having a good heart, I found her exhausting to be around.  Her energy was uber draining.  In an attempt to do something nice for her as I don’t think she’s familiar with random people being kind to her, I brought her a gift this time around.  We had spoken a bit about my love of crystals and she said she believe in the powers of them as well.  I selected a Rose Quartz for her.  If anyone ever needed one, it’s her.  So I brought it with me and gave it to her yesterday when she stopped by and she made it so FUCKING WEIRD.  I have no idea what her deal was, but it was super off putting.  She said thank you, but she didn’t mean it.  I’m not really one to give people more than a couple chances (unless they’re totally inappropriate men), and as this was strike number 2, I’m going to do my best to avoid her in the future.  The fact that she just couldn’t say thank you and move on was just annoying.  As Mr. OoT has a BIG family and I’m not the only one to find this sister draining and exhausting, I don’t feel so bad.  Well, I kinda do, but hell if I’m going to go out of my way to be nice to someone that I don’t vibe with.  I tried.  I failed. Moving on.

 

Now about this snoring.  Holy hell, it’s an issue.  A big one.  After 4 rounds of sexy time with Mr. OoT yesterday, momma needs her sleep.  That just doesn’t happen.  I have never heard anything so loud.  Like wake the dead loud.  As an added bonus, he’s a thrasher as well.  On the off times that his foghorn downgrades to just breathing loudly, he usually thrashes around.  Big time.  I would seriously pay big money to be able to tell what goes on in his brain when he sleeps.  Honestly, I have no clue how HE is even able to sleep with all that noise an thrashing.

 

After deciding to get some sleep at 2:48 am (not bad for an old fart, eh?), I finally gave up at 5:30am.  Lovely.  I have this awesome tracker bracelet (a gift from said snoring wonder) that also tracks sleep.  Not just in amount, but in quality.  It breaks it down into deep sleep and light sleep.  I am presently typing you all on a whopping 46 minutes of deep sleep.  No bueno.  I see an exhaustion migraine coming on at any moment.  If anyone has any suggestions for me short of smothering him with a pillow (which I have considered several times), please share.

 

Anywhoo, yesterday was fun.  It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him.  I like him.  Plain and simple.  He’s morphing a bit into a different version of himself from the one that I initially met.  He’s still every bit as defiantly non conformist/hippie tree hugger as he ever was and I’d never want that to change.  People need to be true to who they are.  He still has wildly different views on things than I do.  He still thinks I’m an uber square.   He is just more respectful; less self involved.  Hell, he even puts the toilet seat down!  Not a small kindness for a lot of men.  The more time I spend with him, the more I like him.

 

Oh, and that elusive drawer that he was going to dedicate to me?  He actually did!  And it’s charming as hell just HOW proud he is of this.  He asked me last night, when we were talking about just about everything under the sun, how I felt about having a drawer in his place.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that, to me, it’s just a drawer.  He sees it as a BIG token.  Like the dresser version of giving me his letter-man jacket.  So sweet.

Were There Men Even On Board? May 24, 2018

So. Much. Fun. So. Many. Cocktails. Got back Sunday from my 3 day whirlwind cruise. So glad I went. Even though the ‘jr suite’ that I shared with 2 friends was more like a ‘not so much jr suite’ and I slept on this odd folded out futon like couch thing (diagonally, might I add as it was uber short and I am not), I had a blast.

There were 13 of us in all. And about 6 of that 13 were all about the drama. Tears, tantrums and rudeness included. I successfully avoided it all. And spent most of my time at the bar. Every bar. My ‘core group’ all got the ‘unlimited drinks’ package and, as it’s not really unlimited and is instead limited to 15 drinks per day (boo Carnival), it was an unwritten agreement to try and reach our limit each day. #lifegoals. Sadly, and surprisingly considering we started drinking at 9am each day, I never actually hit 15. Apparently I’m lame. Or just a cheaper date than I used to be.

The laughter was plentiful, the drinks strong, the re-bonding of friendships awesome. The only thing that could have made the experience better would be an in board hook up. Sorry friends, I broke my vacation fling streak.

There weren’t many cute singles on board. There were lots of younger men with ironic man buns though. No thank you. I heard, on night #1 that there was a group of age appropriate hotties spotted in the dining room, but I was not alerted. Damn greedy bitches. I do think I spotted them the next night when they all walked past me on formal night. They were every bit as attractive as I’d heard. There was even a tall nerdy one with glasses just for me. Sadly, and inexplicably, my inner social retard took over and instead of making eye contact when he looked directly at me and smiled, I looked at the ground. WTF?!?! I have no clue what happened. I would normally switch directions and follow them (is it really stalking if it’s just me?), but I totally drew a blank and brain farted on what little game I have left. Eh, oh well, at least they were pretty to look at, however briefly.

I am back home, missing my friends terribly, still awaiting my room service coffee to be delivered to my room and, for some strange reason, am unable to locate the buffet. Damn reality….

Bad Decisions on the High Seas May 16, 2018

This weekend I am off for a girls’ trip aboard a shitty little cruise ship to a shitty little destination. I sound excited, right? Well, I am. If only because my FOMO kicked in and I truly miss my friends that I moved away from almost a year ago. When they all told me about the trip, my thoughts ranged from ‘that sounds like a horrible idea’, to ‘seriously? a 3 day cruise? who does that?’ to ‘damn, I’m going to be missing out’. As I am still not working (or looking, for that matter), I absolutely should not be going. Oh lookie there, my financial decisions are just as good as my romantic ones! I’m going. Fuck it.

All of the women going on the trip are single. Heaven help any men aboard the ship as more than a few of us are a bit boy crazy. Although you will all agree that I am kind of pre-occupied with finding someone of the opposite sex, compared to several of my friends I’m a complete amateur in that regard. No, really. I actually forsee arm-wrestles over anyone attractive. There will be shoving, tripping, running and all forms of mahem. Haven’t actually decided if I will be participating. Kinda think not.

In true Grey Goose form, of the 10 of us going, I only really care about my ‘core’ group of 4. The rest are just filler. And sort of annoying. The riff raff (kidding!) are planning a big excursion in one of the ports that will take up most of the day. I, true to form, will be forgoing that less than appealing option to stay on board and drink. And tan. And ogle the crew (yes, I’m THAT girl, stop acting surprised). Because my tribe is awesome, they are staying on board with me!

I am looking forward to a terrific trip reconnecting with friends, drinking WAY too much, eating WAY too much, acting a bit immature (go figure) and laughing WAY WAY too much. Can there ever be too much laughter though? I think not.

Mr. OoT is not thrilled that I am going on this trip and has already requested that if I do hook up with anyone, to NOT tell him. As I don’t forsee that even happening, it’s a moot point. Kinda cute that he’s worried though. As a little bonus to this post and because I have offered no real updates on him lately, Mr. OoT is out of town again working. I won’t see him for 10 more days. He has already told me that he misses me, that he wishes we could see each other more often and that *silence for the suspense* he is going to pick out a drawer for me in his room. A whole drawer! Just for me! 😉 Oh, and he also mentioned that he hid his online profile…….

Adulting May 4, 2018

Not my favorite.  It seems as though I’ve had to ‘adult’ my entire life.  Being perpetually single and *gasp* independent, all of life’s decisions have always fallen squarely on my shoulders.  Usually to be addressed straight away before my senility kicks in and I forget to take care of them all together.  I have definite opinions on what is important.  On what is right & wrong.  About how things should be.  Really, I have definite opinions on just about everything.  Some things I’m better about dealing with than others as proven by my overly neurotic posts each and EVERY time I meet a guy I could potentially like.

 

Seeing someone that lives 2 hours away is a bit of a pain in the ass.  There’s planning involved for a booty call.  I don’t even think that needing to drive 2 hours even makes it a booty call.    Anywhoo, I am off to see Mr. OoT again this weekend.  I was actually available to leave yesterday to head up there and could spend 4 nights with him before needing to come home.  For whatever reason, I just kind of assumed that would greeted with an enthusiastic ‘hurry up and get your ass over here, I miss you’.  That wasn’t quite what I got.  The ‘plan’ was actually for me to head up tomorrow morning.  I never told him I was available to come up on Thursday.  When we spoke yesterday he let me know that he has a lot of things that he needs to get done on Saturday and needed to spend some quality time with his son.  He loves his son to death and the fact that he’s only in town 2 weeks out of the month means that he wants to spend as much time as possible with him.  I entirely get that.  Kids come 1st.  Always.  As it should be.  What I wasn’t prepared for was Mr. OoT asking if I could delay my arrival until tomorrow night.  Well boo.  Like 7pm tomorrow night.  That sucks.

 

While my 1st inclination would be to assume he didn’t really want to see me and that ‘WTF, seriously?’ and then try to change his mind and let him know that I didn’t expect to spend every waking moment with him and was happy to entertain myself around town, I took a step back (here’s where the adulting part comes in) and realized that our ‘dating’ isn’t all that organic.  Duh.  If he were to be seeing someone that lived in his town, they’d go to dinner, have some sexy time and then he’d send her ass home until the next time.  Our dates come with an automatic sleep over and last no less than 24 hours.  I guess that’s a lot.  Date #1 lasted 25 hours.  Date #2 lasted a scant 4 hours.  Date #3 lasted 72 hours.  For a man that likes his space and commented numerous times on how surprised he was that my being there wasn’t freaking him out, I get that this is a lot.  It is.  It’s like the date that never ends. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been nothing but awesome since last weekend, but I get it.  I really do.

 

So I agreed.  Because I’m mature like that and am trying to be less selfish in my view of things.  What he doesn’t know, however, is that I don’t need to be home until Monday.  I haven’t told him that yet.  I guess we’ll just see how things go with date #4 and whether it lasts 24 or 48 hours.  😉

 

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Text Messages & Emoticons May 3, 2018

I got several texts while at Mr. OoT’s last weekend. I had my phone on silent the entire time as, although he claims otherwise, I believe that Mr. OoT is a bit jealous and paranoid. I didn’t want him to worry that every incoming text was from a guy.

They mainly were. I received a few text messages from Repo Man who happened to be spending the weekend in my all time favorite locale along with a few pics. And, might I say, he looked damn good. His messages were flirty. My responses were not.

I also received a message from Mr. English. Complete with emoticons. It was a nice message, hoping I was doing well, letting me know he’d be house-sitting for someone in my area and updating me on the project that he has been working on. I waffled back and forth on how to respond. He is a good guy, he’s just not MY good guy. I was going to send a bland ‘glad all is going well’ or an equally bland ‘thanks for letting me know’. I opted out of sending either and opted out of responding at all. I feel a bit bad about this, but also felt it was the right option.

‘The’ Weekend May 2, 2018

So weird after all of my insane posts from last week that I walked up to Mr. OoT’s front door on Friday afternoon with absolutely no worries, qualms or neurosis. I just wanted to see. That’s all. Just see how we were together. To know, one way or the other, if this had any potential. Sure, he flip flopped on me every bit as much as I did him. I guess that’s just how we roll. And by ‘we’ I mean people with fucked up romantic histories that are scared of actually liking someone and opening themselves up to getting hurt.

I got to his place around 2pm. He didn’t have to pick up his son until 5. Hmmm, what to do for 3 hours? So many choices. We could annoy each other with questions, whys, why nots and other bullshit time wasters. We could sit around and stare at each other while having insane thoughts run through our heads. Or, best option of all, we could actually test this chemistry thing we had going on to see if it extended past kissing. Oooh, yes, that one please! *Please note that the man who adamantly declared his unwavering vow of celibacy initiated this (but, let’s be honest, I didn’t resist much). Not sure if I was hoping we’d click as much sexually as we did kissing or if I was hoping we wouldn’t. Pretty sure he wasn’t sure which he was hoping for either, but, thank you universe, we are every bit as insanely matched in all things naked sexy time as we are in kissing. I did ask him what the deal was with his big declaration of not sleeping with me and then initiating it. He said, and I quote ‘you would have won in the end anyway and we would have just wasted 3 days of doing this.’ Huh, can’t argue with that logic.

He thinks I’m beautiful. Like REALLY beautiful. I laugh every single time he tells me this as I just don’t think it’s true. I do love that HE thinks it’s true though. He doesn’t see my physical imperfections (of which there are many). He moves my hands when I try to cover something I don’t like. He tells me I don’t need to apologize for anything with him as he likes me just the way I am. Physically, at least. 😉 I know he likes my heart and humor and intelligence and stubbornness as well, just probably not as much as my boobs though. I wasn’t weird or self conscious with him. This is something new for me. Kinda wish it hadn’t have taken me 50 years to do.

This weekend was SO different from the whopping 2 times before when we were together. SO different from our (however amazing) phone conversations. SO different than I expected. It’s like the screening had stopped and we were both just enjoying the moments that we were having together without the bullshit and pressure of trying to figure things out for the long term. I do think that there is a chance he will freak himself out again in the future, but let’s hope that doesn’t happen for a while. For now, let’s hope the laughter (of which there was tons), openness (of which he is trying his best to do), adventures, familiarity, kindness, fun and frolick continue.

He has been sending very sweet text messages to me all day today. And all day yesterday, for that matter. He wants to know when he’ll get to see me again. As he leaves for 2 weeks of work next Wednesday, looks like my dog and I have another little roadtrip in our near future. Yey.

Friday Update April 27, 2018

I know, right? I’m just as surprised as you to be posting a real time update. As Mr. OoT is busily counseling one of his sisters who needs him, I find myself with some time on my hands.

So the morning started off with a flirty text. 1st one I’ve gotten in over a week. Then came a request for what I would like from the grocery store. Then came the response, when I let him know I would be arriving ahead of schedule of ‘good, hurry up and get here, I can’t wait to see you’. Uhm, okay.

My dog and I arrived (of course in a killer dress that showed off all the best parts) and I was greeted with a huge hug, an ‘I’ve missed you’, and a ‘did you always look this good’. Well, hello.

So weirdly awesome. I gave him a hug and a kiss and asked what was up. He said, completely on his own “I’ve decided to stop trying to sabotage things; that I will be my authentic self this weekend and you can decide at the end of the weekend what you want to do.” Oh, I like this version of Mr. OoT very much.

I haven’t asked any questions, nor do I care to. This is all I wanted; to have a fun weekend and see how things go. He’s been great. Sweet and thoughtful and affectionate and funny.

We are having dinner with his brother tomorrow & then meeting a couple of his friends tomorrow night. Sunday is all about roller coasters. Real ones, not emotional ones. Thank GOD!

So far so good. I’m chill. He’s chill. My dog is chill. Not sure if that’s a factor of finally just being able to breathe and enjoy each other or the fact that we enjoyed each other in every naked sense of the word. Twice. And it was fan-fucking-tastic. Our chemistry is undeniable, that’s for sure. We’ll see how the rest of the weekend goes but for now. All good. Must be all those virtual pom poms 🙂

Virtual Pom Poms

So by the time most of you read this, I will be on my way to see Mr. OoT. Just me, my dog and my ridiculous thoughts. There’s only one of 2 ways this weekend will end up. There are some fun things planned. There are some huge question marks. I’m actually kinda nervous. No clue how I’ll react when I see him. No clue how he’ll react when he sees me. No clue how he wants me to react. No clue how I want him to react. I just want to find out already.

When we originally discussed the backtracking to ‘dating’ and he told me about the no sex decision, I clarified that we could still make out. A lot. I mean a lot, a lot. He’s a pretty amazing kisser. I’m not too shabby in that department either. With absolutely no flirting since then, I’m unsure if that has been taken off the table though? Why would someone do that? I’m kind of pretty sure he’s maybe trying to convince himself and me that he doesn’t like me as much as he does? Then again, there is the less encouraging option that he really doesn’t anymore. I don’t even know how I feel at this point. I’ve driven myself (and all of you) crazy with my neuroses. It’s embarrassing, really.

Dammit, I SWEAR I believe in manifesting your future. Good thoughts & good energy will be rewarded with good results. Why the FUCK can I not do this with my romantic life?!?!

As your reward for being my virtual cheerleaders, I will stop posting my incessant bullshit until next time.

Soooooo……Let’s all hope & cheer for a good weekend full of fun, clarity, kindness and affection. Oh, and sex. Lots and lots of sex.

**As an aside, Mr. OoT did text me last night. From his place. With his friend. Date must have ended early 😉 His final text to me was “Good night Grey. See you tomorrow?” Cute that he’s asking if I’m still planning on coming. If only he knew how much I worried that he’d cancel on me!

**updated to add that this morning started with a good morning and some flirty texts. His date last night (if there was one) must have sucked. His hot & cold with me is annoying, but I guess it’s commendable that he only flirts with one person at a time? Now don’t get your panties in a wad; my head is on fairly straight today. We’ll see how the weekend goes……