Protected: So Here We Sit…. March 26, 2018
Mr. Out Of Towner March 24, 2018
As part of my Albertson’s parking lot messaging marathon the other day on Plenty of Fish, I have a tentative date to the world’s shittiest bar in town to watch a guy sing Karaoke (has it really come to this people?), a tentative coffee date with someone I’m not exceptionally thrilled about meeting and then……….Mr. Out of Towner.
Here’s a tip ladies (and gents) when you’re not feeling the whole ‘search’ feature on your respective dating site. Look at the page that lists the profiles thay have checked you out. I did that and low and behold there was a hottie. I mean like a GOOD LOOKING MAN. Call me superficial, but DAMN. I read his profile and found something to message about, so I did. You have absolutely nothing to lose by messaging someone who looked at your profile and opted out of writing. You never know, right? Unfortunately, Mr. Hottie lives 2+ hours away. Boo me. Oh well, he’ll probably never write back anyway. Just for good measure, I screen-shotted his pic and promptly sent it off to my online dating blogger bestie with the message “Why the hell don’t guys in my town look like this?”
Mr. Hottie messaged back. And we proceeded to text message pretty consistently throughout the day. As we don’t exactly live close, we decided we would be each other’s virtual wingman and be friends. Eh, I could do worse than making an online buddy, right? We swapped phone numbers and ended up talking for close to 4 hours on the phone on Thursday. He’s quirky and funny, smart as hell, more than a bit ‘hippie’ and has some definite differences in viewpoint. Who cares? We’re just pals, right?
Then comes Friday and a few more calls. The last being 7 HOURS long. And 7 hours with no awkward silences. 7 hours of learning pretty much everything about him. 7 hours of him picking up on things with me that I thought I kept very well hidden. He kind of ‘gets me’. I kind of get him. Our conversation took on a different tone in these calls and the ‘virtual wingman’ seems to have morphed into a ‘definite maybe’. I have always had a ‘vision’ of what my ‘one’ would look like. Not in a physical sense, but in a characteristic type of sense. I always assumed ‘he’ would be some sort of a businessman; smart, funny, logical with a touch of whimsy. Mr. Hottie is pretty much none of these aside from being smart and funny. He works blue collar 2 weeks a months and takes the other 2 weeks off. He believes in aliens (what?!?!). He believes in a ‘creator’ (I do not). He *gasp* supports Trump. He is a total believe in Crypto-currency. His taste in music kinda sucks. His preferences in movies is even worse. He vapes (I HATE that). He smokes weed a couple times a week (I hate that even more). He doesn’t drink. NONE of these things ‘match’ me.
He likes me. He thinks I’m beautiful. He loves my smile and the ‘brightness’ in my eyes when I smile. He speaks in terms of ‘us’ and ‘the future’. He has mentioned several times about joining in on family vacations (his kids are older). He has assumed that ‘this’ is something. My inner romantic is completely at war with my inner realist. I KNOW that ‘this’ is potentially nothing. We haven’t even met yet. I know that ‘this’ could potentially be something. Something good. I also know that he has some definite red flags. He’s been married 3 times. He is just 4 moths out of his last (5 year relationship). He might be co-dependent. He has addiction issues. All of these things pose concerns for me. Serious ones. Although we have VERY differing viewpoints on some things, on others, it’s as if we share a brain.
We haven’t even met yet. Getting to know someone before we’ve met and I can gauge chemistry is against everything I believe as an online dater. I spoke to him about all of my concerns with ‘this’. And about him seemingly already inserting me into future plans. It’s all too fast. It all seems a bit too convenient. I told him that we should just be friends for a while. That he needs to figure out what it is, exactly, that he wants. I told him that I have absolutely no desire to me ‘Miss Right Now’. That I don’t want either of us to have regrets. I truly feel that, although he genuinely likes me and thinks I’m pretty awesome (duh), that I might be the one with good timing. That he misses talking to someone and having someone to share things with and that I’m convenient and fill that void. I’m just about the world’s best listener. I am kind and supportive while also not hesitating to call someone out on their shit. I ask questions. I am truly fascinated by people. He kind of fascinates me. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He makes me scratch my head.
Although I told him not to, he removed his profile from Plenty of Fish. I did not. He will not be dating. I will. He asked, without really asking, if I would be willing to not date while he figures his shit out. I told him no. That I will never again be anyone’s Plan B. He completely understands. He’s truly a nice man and understands. Could this be something? Who knows. We should probably meet sooner than later and even see if the chemistry is there. I’m pretty sure it would be, but who knows……. Do I dare be hopeful? Hell yes I should! But I also won’t get carried away with things either. This is online dating, right?
Or something like that. Cheryl, one of my lovely (and apparently bored) followers has asked for an update on Mr. Met In Person. As I try my best to oblige (and really have nothing better to do), here ya’ go!
I met Mr. In Person well, in person. Duh. We had a great talk and really hit it off. He asked for my number, I got all giddy and ridiculous and thought how awesome it was for someone to ask, in person, for my number rather than going through the angst and potential disaster of meeting someone from online. Yey me.
He then proceeded to not call me. Super. Once we finally did connect, he asked me out. Yippeee! However, it took us several tries for us to get our schedules in sync. He works ridiculously long hours and is very VERY set in his schedule. Although I’m a busy gal as well and often escape out of town on weekends, I tried my best to accommodate his limited availability.
We went out several times and really seemed to hit it off. He’s a GOOD guy. Good enough that I sort of forgave his admittedly shit-show of a personal life and ‘situation’ with his not yet to be ex wife. Oopsie, he kinda forgot to tell me that fun tidbit until last week. He still shares a house with his not yet ex wife and their son. As ridiculous as that sounds to me, I do have friends that have done the same thing for the perceived benefit of their child. While I don’t agree with this and feel that people don’t give their kids enough credit for ‘knowing what’s going on’, it’s not my place to say, I’m not a mom.
Anyway, he tells me all the complicated ins and outs of his personal and work life and I decided, because I’m the queen of bad decisions and giving people the benefit of the doubt, that I can deal with this. We’d been out several times at that point (all oddly odd times as his schedule truly sucks and he is unwavering in his ‘norm’). We spoke a little about the upcoming weekend that I would be in town and that he wouldn’t have his son with him. I was very much looking forward to spending some quality time with him as all our prior dates were pretty much 2 hours long. Exactly. We hadn’t spoken about any specific plans for the weekend, but I let him know that I was looking forward to it and he replied in kind.
We spoke a bit about my vacation home as well and how I would love to take him there at some point in the future as it is in a place that he hasn’t been in 10 years and was looking forward to going back to. Look at us proceeding at a normal (whatever that is) pace!
I was in said vacation place Saturday when I received his excited text telling me that he was planning a trip to said town the following weekend. The weekend that we had talked about my need to be at home and how much I was looking forward to seeing him. IN town. He said he hoped I would be able to join him in said vacation locale and that he already booked a hotel. Uhm, wait. First of all, I own a place there, on the beach. As he neither knows what part of the beach or even the general location of my place, how did he know where to book a hotel? Why wouldn’t he wait to talk to me and coordinate a weekend that we could both be there? Why, after 10 years of not being there, did he have to go right then and there? Of course, I didn’t say any of these things to him.
What I did say was that I couldn’t get out-of-town that next weekend and that I was sad that he chose the weekend we had already spoken about doing something in our home town together to travel and that I had been looking forward to being his tour guide when we did make it to said vacation destination. What I got in return was a 9 part text message explaining that our schedules are apparently too conflicting and that he doesn’t have the time, or inclination to pursue a romantic relationship right now. What. The. Fuck. I am quite certain that if I had said that I could drop everything and be at the whim of his stupid spur of the moment ridiculousness, I wouldn’t have gotten said break up text, but as I live in reality, that’s not what happened. I am sad, mad, disappointed and a bit astounded that he did this. It makes absolutely no sense to me.
A fun little aside is the entire text message thing. He hates text messaging. I am of the mind that text message is for short little ‘nothing’ messages (hi, how are you? thinking of you, have a good day, etc…) and NOT for any sort of serious conversations. We actually had this conversation on Tuesday when we last saw each other. He agreed. And he still opted to break up with me via text……awesome.
Patience Is Someone Else’s Virtue February 17, 2017
Patience is certainly NOT one of my virtues. I’m all about instant gratification! That doesn’t mean I don’t work damn hard for the things I want, but it does mean that I have a hard time convincing myself that not everything moves along at the pace that I want it to. Dating, in particular. If I like someone, I expect for them to like me back (HA, we all know how well that has worked out for me in the past). I expect them to keep in touch. I expect, if there was a good date, that I will hear from them within the ‘3 day rule’. I can’t stand ‘rules’. I follow none of them. I like to create my own. Again, not to the most successful results.
I KNOW that not everyone thinks alike. My god, can you imagine what a shit-show the world would be if we did? Well, more so than it already is. I KNOW that there are no rules. I KNOW that people move at their own pace. What I don’t know is why, why, why my mind always runs to the negative if I don’t hear from someone according to my timeline. It’s so ridiculous and counter productive. I truly believe in the pithy ‘put out into the universe what you want back’ and that ‘positivity begets positivity’. My mind still wanders to the negative. And not negative about the other person, mind you. Negative about myself. Along the lines of ‘what did I do wrong’, ‘why doesn’t he like me’ or any multitude of other self-destructive thoughts.
I’ve always been this way. I wish I knew where it stemmed from. I guess I’ll just blame my mother. 😉 And all the schmucks I went to high school with.
Anywhoo, I had that great date. 4 days ago. And hadn’t heard from him since. Of course I have
annoyingly inevitably replayed the date in my mind a few hundred times trying to figure out what I did wrong. Trying to figure out why he would walk me to my car and give me a kiss if he wasn’t interested. Why he wouldn’t lock down another date right then and there. I know full well that this is MY bullshit and not his. He’s a good guy. If he doesn’t like me, then it’s his loss (if I say it enough, I will believe it right). That I WILL hear from him (if I say it enough, it will happen, right?).
After annoying myself trying to figure out what I did wrong and finally coming to the realization (kind of) that I did nothing wrong, that I was just being me and that if he doesn’t appreciate me with all my faults and ridiculousness, someone else will. Who probably lives in another state, mind you, but whatever. I swear it’s exhausting being me with my over thinking nature.
And then I get a text………..
Hi There February 7, 2017
So I was supposed to meet ‘Hi’ on Thursday for what he didn’t specifically say, but I assumed was to be dinner. As part of my ‘stop trying to manage dates’ campaign of 2017, instead of trying to steer it to just drinks, I said okay. A girl’s gotta eat. 😉 He has checked in most days since the date was set with either a ‘hi’ (his trademark, ya’ know), a ‘how’s your day’ or a ‘good morning’. Very sweet. Oddly enough, his ‘good morning’ texts usually come in between noon and 1pm. Er, technically not morning but whatever.
He messaged me today saying he couldn’t wait to meet me! Again, so very sweet. He then asked if I could meet tonight instead of Thursday. I figured why not. While still not able to get excited about the date, I was so hoping to be pleasantly surprised. I followed all my new best friend’s/psychic’s advice on being positive and manifesting good things.
Well, let’s just call this a trial run. I put on a cute outfit and arrived at the restaurant. As I was early, I was waiting outside playing a rousing game of Words With Friends when he walked up. Great big smile, shorter than me and several years older than his profile photos depicted. He was SO nice, but the conversation was SO stilted and awkward I just couldn’t ‘connect’ with him. To be honest, I wasn’t trying very hard, but then again, I don’t think you should have to try hard for it to happen.
We had a great dinner and he picked up the bill which was very nice (again, my new best friend/psychic/dating coach told me to stop offering to pay or split the check). He walked me to my car and gave me a hug.
Odd things about our date:
- He grabbed my hand right away
- He then high fived me (what?)
- Then I got a fist bump
- Then he invited himself to my vacation property – WITH ME!
- Then, for whatever reason we were talking about taxes (shush, it just came up) and he asked me if I usually get a refund or have to pay
- He played with my hair
- He invited me to go to the mountains with him in his RV
- He was apparently interested in the Fitbit I was wearing, but instead of asking about it, he just reached across me and grabbed my wrist! Mind you, we weren’t even talking about it, he just randomly did this.
Now, we all know that if I was into the guy, a few of these things wouldn’t have been so odd/annoying, but as I wasn’t, WTF? We also know that if I’m not really ‘feeling’ a date (although he felt me several times!), I will try to make myself be the opposite of what he says he likes. If he likes Rock, I say I like bee-bop music. If he says he loves sci-fi, I say I hate it. If he likes to vacation in an RV, I say I prefer hotels. In this instance, however, I didn’t need to do any of that as we naturally seem to be polar opposites with absolutely nothing in common.
I feel bad about this one. He is a nice guy and really wants to find someone, but I’m just not her. I wish I knew someone for him ……
Who Does What February 1, 2017
So we all know that I have a groundbreaking 2 dates this week. One with someone I was ‘meh’ about and one with someone that I am fairly excited about. Yeah, I know, that doesn’t bode well for me, but with my new and improved 2017 positive attitude regarding my love-life (see? I’m not even going to add ‘or lack thereof’ when mentioning my love life….oh, wait), I’m trying to keep those thoughts at bay. And I fully intend to fall in love on Friday. Shit, that’s night right either, is it?
So anywhoo, I have 2 dates lined up with 2 men that have completely different communication styles. Of course I prefer one style over the other, and although a combination of frequency and content would be ideal, that just ain’t happening….
1. Texts daily with a ‘hi’ a ‘how are you’ or a ‘good morning’. Oddly enough, his good morning texts usually come in around noon or 1pm. Huh….
2. His texts are not very engaging and are usually just a few words in response. As you well know from reading my blathering, I can TALK.
3. He picked a time and place for our date well in advance and has already reconfirmed with me.
4. He has told me how excited he is to meet me and actually asked if we could move our date up sooner
1) Does not text often, but when he does they are conversational in tone and go on for a while.
2) Although he locked down a day for our date, I am still awaiting information on time and location (tic toc, as I write this it’s 2 days before said date)
3) He has told me (repeatedly) how excited he is to meet me and that he wished that Friday would get here sooner, but hasn’t been in contact the past 3 days (yes, I keep track of these things – welcome to my world)
I’m sure you can figure out which one I am more excited about meeting. Of course it’s the one that does not check in often or put my overly imaginative/over-thinking/neurotic mind at ease.
I’m working on the whole ‘if it was meant to be, it will be’ as well as the confidence that I should have going into this and knowing that if he’s the guy I think he is, that I have nothing to worry about. Easier said than done. And to prove that point, I give you this post. We haven’t even met yet for shit’s sake. Why am I even thinking ahead on this? Oh, that’s right. Because I’m me ……….
Oh Universe, You Make Me Laugh….. January 30, 2017
Wasn’t sure which title to use: When it rains it pours? It’s raining men? All or nothing? Regardless of what the title is, the subject matter remains the same. While the universe seems to be smiling on me for a change, it still likes to give me a little poke and test me. I should be used to it by now. And this time, darn it, I will prevail….
So I met that very nice man the other night when I was out with friends. He took my number and being the oh so positive rendition of myself that I am this year, I
hope know he will call.
I have a date set up with the one with no name for Thursday. Although I’m not overly excited about it, I did look back on our Bumble conversations and although his usual ‘hi’ text messages of late leave much to be desired, he was witty and conversational towards the beginning. Maybe he’s just waiting to meet to bring that side back out again.
I got a text last night from Repo Man. He asked me out. Finally. Although I have been looking forward to this for months (3, to be exact), I find that I am now nervous. Lovely. I’ll pull it together of course before next weekend. I made sure that he had no 3rd dates with anyone scheduled before our date as I’d actually like for us to meet this time. I think he’s a terrific guy and I am excited to meet him. I do need to put my overthinking self away for a bit though as I am already assuming he is lining up multiple dates for next week and I am just one in the crowd. Like last time. I will do my best to realize that it doesn’t matter how many women he meets; that if I’m the right one, none of the others will matter. I do think he was texting with someone else at the same time that we were however. Not a big fan, but then again, not my business. Yet.
To round out my week, yesterday was one of TD’s son’s birthdays. I saw a picture posted on
the root of all evil FB of the big, festive dinner that TD, his kids, his son’s friends and the closet dwelling lunch lady were included in. I have he and his nutbag fiance blocked on FB, but as they weren’t tagged in the photos and I am friends with his kids, it showed up on my timeline. Thank you FB. It looked like a fun time and for a split second I though ‘I should be there’. Then I got over it. Instead I took note of the fact that the closet dwelling lunch lady still has the most hideous hair ever, that TD looked liked like he has gained weight and that my stomach did not drop when I saw the photo as it has done in years gone by. I’ll call that a win, thank you very much!
So although the universe has the dating gods finally throwing me a bone, did they have to throw 3 in the same week?
Maybe There’s Something To This…. January 29, 2017
So there was that awesome date I had a while a go where the ‘gentleman’ (and I use that term loosely) insulted me repeatedly. Unintentionally, of course. Then we have the dickhead who accused me of lying and ‘date stacking’ before we even met. Then there was Presumed Married Guy who turned out to be just as immature and ridiculous as I always thought. While I do still have a meeting (I can’t even call it a date) with Mr ‘Hi’ for next week and still am sort of hoping to meet Repo Man, who although we still chat and text, isn’t ready to ‘date’, I’m on the verge of going offline. Again. After all of 2 months.
While I had already decided that I was going to do things differently in 2017 and had some of my thoughts and ideas confirmed by my new best friend/psychic, I’m always a bit worried that my ideas might fall flat. I opted to test drive one last night. I went to a group happy hour with a bunch of people that I didn’t know. Now, don’t get me wrong. If I’m in a big group of people where I know no one, I automatically turn into the biggest wallflower you’ve ever seen. Give me just one person that I know and feel comfortable with in that group and I turn into my very own floor show. Luckily I had plans to meet a friend and his new girlfriend prior to the start of the event, so all was good!
We met for a drink, chatted and prepared ourselves for the onslaught of people to arrive. And they did. And a very small older man seemed to take a liking to me. Uh, no. I was polite, yet not overly engaging. We spoke a bit about our work and he asked for my business card. Shit. I, of course, gave it to him in the hopes that he actually calls to hire me and NOT to ask me out. Anyway, as the group arrived and everyone sat down, I found myself seated next to older man and was really uncomfortable. I awkwardly excused myself and went back to sit at the bar. Luckily my friend, his girlfriend and another gentleman followed suit. The 4 of us ended up having a great time and after regaling everyone with my less than stellar online dating stories, I found myself sitting next to someone new. Who was very interesting, polite and engaging. We talked for over an hour and during that time my friend and his girlfriend left. Also during that time the little older man walked passed and announced ‘I’ll call you’. Errrrr, thanks.
Anywhoo, Mr New Guy ended up asking for my phone number! I can’t even remember the last time that someone new, met organically, that I had even the slightest interest in, did that! Yey. I gave it to him, he walked me to my car, he gave me a big hug and that was that. I did drive home with a smile on my face though. I said a little thank you to my new best friend/psychic for giving me the insight and courage to go out, meet people in person and leave my seemingly impossible to scale walls at home. What do you know? It worked!
The fact that new guy is a psychiatrist shouldn’t concern me, right? 😉
Miss Cleo Is Alive And Well January 24, 2017
So I went to a well know spiritual mecca with some friends over the weekend. We usually go once a year in order to find out what the year ahead will hold. Do we actually believe in psychics, tarot, aura and all else? Er, I kinda don’t. However, I kinda do. While the logical side of my mind knows that generalities can be said that people choose to fit into their world, I would also like to be able to believe that some of this isn’t all smoke and mirrors.
First I got an aura reading. This is where they take your photo with a thermodynamic fancy schmancy camera. You can’t actually see your face, but it ‘reads’ the energy around you. Each color represents something different. The aura photo I received on Saturday was VERY similar to one I received 2 years ago with the exception of the murky green ‘healing’ part that I blame TD for back then. In direct contrast to the persona that I put forward, it was pretty interesting to ‘see’ the more spiritual side of me. Don’t get me wrong, I am neither religious nor exceptionally spiritual (unless hoping that karma kicks certain online daters in the ass counts), but I do believe in energies to a degree. My aura photo shows that I am a complete Empath. Someone who takes on everyone else’s problems and tries to help/solve/smooth over any issues. This is 100% accurate. My aura photo also showed that I am surrounded by angels. Laugh if you will, but it might actually be true. How on earth have I made it this far in the world on my own? The other colors in my photo were, as my reader told me, ones that everyone hopes to have and varying shades of blue. Huh. My friends, of course, had completely different readings but all were pretty spot on.
Next I had a psychic reading and here is where an enormous lesson was learned. The psychic I chose came up to me wearing sunglasses, a baseball hat and a coat. He said to follow him and proceeded to walk about 20 paces ahead of me. He didn’t smile, he didn’t introduce himself and he walked so far ahead of me I couldn’t hear a word he said. We get to his ‘office’ and I sit down, seriously considering getting right back up and asking for a different psychic. He says to me ‘wow, what is wrong, you have an enormous wall up’. I tell him I am feeding off of his energy and he then says ‘my energy is fine, what’s wrong with yours’? Uhm, WTF?! So I tell him that I was offput by the fact that he neither smiled, introduced himself nor seemed to be all that engaging and whenever anyone offends me, I just close off. He completely apologized, we chatted a bit more and he turned out to be a GREAT GUY. He called me out on my bullshit, he knew about my family challenges, he knows I’m coming off of a several shitty years. He sees good things to come. He knew things that I didn’t allude to. He sees a lot of positives. I definitely have some work to do, but he sees me coming out of my shell and ‘blossoming’ this year. Kinda funny he said that as that’s kind of what I feel. I mean really, I’m wandering around with bright red hair! He pulled tarot cards while we talked and those cards were to point to the outcome of whatever topic we were on at the time.
He thinks I need to move. To leave the state that I have been living in for the past umpteen years. I’ve been planning on doing that anyway, so yey! Although he hates online dating (not sure if that was an opinion or finding), he does see me meeting someone. He promised I won’t die alone (whew!). He saw that TD (sorry) was, in fact, a soul mate, but was never one meant to last. That I have another one coming. That I need to work on being more open; on putting down my walls; that I need to do a lot more self care of pampering for myself. That I need to do less pampering and spoiling of others (including guys). That I have some deceptive friendships (eek). He read off my birth chart and off my energy and our conversations. I believe most of what he told me. He told me I need to be more positive about myself. That people will feed off my energy (as shown by our initial interaction). He sees me ‘with’ someone around March or April. Whether that is someone currently in my life or someone new, he wasn’t sure, but he saw it. I choose to believe it.
We chatted a bit about specific men, but as I don’t know the birth-dates of these men, I couldn’t ask specifics. We were chatting about one guy in particular that I have concerns about as I feel that he might be very much like TD. The cards pulled during that talk were of heartache and things not working out. Here’s the thing. Since I was thinking of both TD & the other guy at the same time, which does this pertain to? Of course, I don’t believe in the cards enough to discount anything without giving it a chance, but he did suggest that I not go into things all or nothing and that I need to practice not caring so much. Huh. Makes sense. In my 20s & 30s I dated often. Great guys that I either liked, didn’t like or were completely indifferent to. Guys that I didn’t worry so much about what they thought of me. Guys that I had a take it or leave it attitude with. At no point during my awesome dating spree of decades gone past did I ever try to fit myself into the mold of what I thought these men were looking for. I know for a fact I did that with TD. Not at 1st, but as he slowly destroyed my self-confidence and picked away at who I was, I tried to take on the attributes and characteristics of the woman/women I thought he wanted. As we all well know, that didn’t work out so hot!
Anyway, I had already sort of decided that 2017 is going to be MY year. I deserve a good one. I need to work on making it happen, but I will and it will. I have been challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone and *gasp* it hasn’t been that horrible! I need to go into things with a positive attitude (don’t worry, I’ll always come back here to release my inner snark). I need to have more confidence; to smile more; to put myself out there. And I will.
As for that important lesson learned? It was about judging people and situations too quickly. I assumed that my psychic didn’t like me and was an asshole, so I completely closed off and was defensive. Instead of just walking out, I told him what my concerns were. And all was right with the world again. I need to give people and situations a chance. I need to err on the side of being too confident (ha). I need not take the blame for everything and need to try not to ‘fix’ the universe. I’m going to work on it! Set your clocks for late March and let’s see what happens! ❤