The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Text Messages & Emoticons May 3, 2018

I got several texts while at Mr. OoT’s last weekend. I had my phone on silent the entire time as, although he claims otherwise, I believe that Mr. OoT is a bit jealous and paranoid. I didn’t want him to worry that every incoming text was from a guy.

They mainly were. I received a few text messages from Repo Man who happened to be spending the weekend in my all time favorite locale along with a few pics. And, might I say, he looked damn good. His messages were flirty. My responses were not.

I also received a message from Mr. English. Complete with emoticons. It was a nice message, hoping I was doing well, letting me know he’d be house-sitting for someone in my area and updating me on the project that he has been working on. I waffled back and forth on how to respond. He is a good guy, he’s just not MY good guy. I was going to send a bland ‘glad all is going well’ or an equally bland ‘thanks for letting me know’. I opted out of sending either and opted out of responding at all. I feel a bit bad about this, but also felt it was the right option.

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‘The’ Weekend May 2, 2018

Filed under: aura,bumble,dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,plenty of fish,single,texting,tinder — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:33 pm

So weird after all of my insane posts from last week that I walked up to Mr. OoT’s front door on Friday afternoon with absolutely no worries, qualms or neurosis. I just wanted to see. That’s all. Just see how we were together. To know, one way or the other, if this had any potential. Sure, he flip flopped on me every bit as much as I did him. I guess that’s just how we roll. And by ‘we’ I mean people with fucked up romantic histories that are scared of actually liking someone and opening themselves up to getting hurt.

I got to his place around 2pm. He didn’t have to pick up his son until 5. Hmmm, what to do for 3 hours? So many choices. We could annoy each other with questions, whys, why nots and other bullshit time wasters. We could sit around and stare at each other while having insane thoughts run through our heads. Or, best option of all, we could actually test this chemistry thing we had going on to see if it extended past kissing. Oooh, yes, that one please! *Please note that the man who adamantly declared his unwavering vow of celibacy initiated this (but, let’s be honest, I didn’t resist much). Not sure if I was hoping we’d click as much sexually as we did kissing or if I was hoping we wouldn’t. Pretty sure he wasn’t sure which he was hoping for either, but, thank you universe, we are every bit as insanely matched in all things naked sexy time as we are in kissing. I did ask him what the deal was with his big declaration of not sleeping with me and then initiating it. He said, and I quote ‘you would have won in the end anyway and we would have just wasted 3 days of doing this.’ Huh, can’t argue with that logic.

He thinks I’m beautiful. Like REALLY beautiful. I laugh every single time he tells me this as I just don’t think it’s true. I do love that HE thinks it’s true though. He doesn’t see my physical imperfections (of which there are many). He moves my hands when I try to cover something I don’t like. He tells me I don’t need to apologize for anything with him as he likes me just the way I am. Physically, at least. 😉 I know he likes my heart and humor and intelligence and stubbornness as well, just probably not as much as my boobs though. I wasn’t weird or self conscious with him. This is something new for me. Kinda wish it hadn’t have taken me 50 years to do.

This weekend was SO different from the whopping 2 times before when we were together. SO different from our (however amazing) phone conversations. SO different than I expected. It’s like the screening had stopped and we were both just enjoying the moments that we were having together without the bullshit and pressure of trying to figure things out for the long term. I do think that there is a chance he will freak himself out again in the future, but let’s hope that doesn’t happen for a while. For now, let’s hope the laughter (of which there was tons), openness (of which he is trying his best to do), adventures, familiarity, kindness, fun and frolick continue.

He has been sending very sweet text messages to me all day today. And all day yesterday, for that matter. He wants to know when he’ll get to see me again. As he leaves for 2 weeks of work next Wednesday, looks like my dog and I have another little roadtrip in our near future. Yey.

 

Friday Update April 27, 2018

I know, right? I’m just as surprised as you to be posting a real time update. As Mr. OoT is busily counseling one of his sisters who needs him, I find myself with some time on my hands.

So the morning started off with a flirty text. 1st one I’ve gotten in over a week. Then came a request for what I would like from the grocery store. Then came the response, when I let him know I would be arriving ahead of schedule of ‘good, hurry up and get here, I can’t wait to see you’. Uhm, okay.

My dog and I arrived (of course in a killer dress that showed off all the best parts) and I was greeted with a huge hug, an ‘I’ve missed you’, and a ‘did you always look this good’. Well, hello.

So weirdly awesome. I gave him a hug and a kiss and asked what was up. He said, completely on his own “I’ve decided to stop trying to sabotage things; that I will be my authentic self this weekend and you can decide at the end of the weekend what you want to do.” Oh, I like this version of Mr. OoT very much.

I haven’t asked any questions, nor do I care to. This is all I wanted; to have a fun weekend and see how things go. He’s been great. Sweet and thoughtful and affectionate and funny.

We are having dinner with his brother tomorrow & then meeting a couple of his friends tomorrow night. Sunday is all about roller coasters. Real ones, not emotional ones. Thank GOD!

So far so good. I’m chill. He’s chill. My dog is chill. Not sure if that’s a factor of finally just being able to breathe and enjoy each other or the fact that we enjoyed each other in every naked sense of the word. Twice. And it was fan-fucking-tastic. Our chemistry is undeniable, that’s for sure. We’ll see how the rest of the weekend goes but for now. All good. Must be all those virtual pom poms 🙂

 

Virtual Pom Poms

So by the time most of you read this, I will be on my way to see Mr. OoT. Just me, my dog and my ridiculous thoughts. There’s only one of 2 ways this weekend will end up. There are some fun things planned. There are some huge question marks. I’m actually kinda nervous. No clue how I’ll react when I see him. No clue how he’ll react when he sees me. No clue how he wants me to react. No clue how I want him to react. I just want to find out already.

When we originally discussed the backtracking to ‘dating’ and he told me about the no sex decision, I clarified that we could still make out. A lot. I mean a lot, a lot. He’s a pretty amazing kisser. I’m not too shabby in that department either. With absolutely no flirting since then, I’m unsure if that has been taken off the table though? Why would someone do that? I’m kind of pretty sure he’s maybe trying to convince himself and me that he doesn’t like me as much as he does? Then again, there is the less encouraging option that he really doesn’t anymore. I don’t even know how I feel at this point. I’ve driven myself (and all of you) crazy with my neuroses. It’s embarrassing, really.

Dammit, I SWEAR I believe in manifesting your future. Good thoughts & good energy will be rewarded with good results. Why the FUCK can I not do this with my romantic life?!?!

As your reward for being my virtual cheerleaders, I will stop posting my incessant bullshit until next time.

Soooooo……Let’s all hope & cheer for a good weekend full of fun, clarity, kindness and affection. Oh, and sex. Lots and lots of sex.

**As an aside, Mr. OoT did text me last night. From his place. With his friend. Date must have ended early 😉 His final text to me was “Good night Grey. See you tomorrow?” Cute that he’s asking if I’m still planning on coming. If only he knew how much I worried that he’d cancel on me!

**updated to add that this morning started with a good morning and some flirty texts. His date last night (if there was one) must have sucked. His hot & cold with me is annoying, but I guess it’s commendable that he only flirts with one person at a time? Now don’t get your panties in a wad; my head is on fairly straight today. We’ll see how the weekend goes……

 

The Text April 25, 2018

While I was obsessing over Mr. OoT not responding to a text I had sent last night, I received a text! What do you know?! Oh wait, not from him. From a number that was no longer stored in my phone. From a number that I didn’t recognize with the message of ‘Wow, it’s been a really long time; almost a year. I was just thinking about you. If you don’t respond, I will understand and not contact you again’. Huh. No clue who it was from. No clue if it was someone I’d be happy to hear from or not. The fact that I had deleted their existence frim my phone did not bode well for them. I googled the phone number and came up with his web page. Huh. Interesting. Totally remember him and totally remember why I deleted him from my phone. I responded back and we ‘chatted’ for a bit. He was sweet and funny and complimentary (all MUCH needed yesterday). I told him I’d moved. I also explained that he was, indirectly, one of the reasons that I moved away. That the way I was approaching relationships was a bit fucked up (and still is, apparently). He apologized for being a flake and an asshole to me. I told him that he was forgiven. Life is just too damn short to hold grudges. He wants to see me. He asked that I please let him know next time that I’m in town. Who knows…… What could it hurt? Ha! Famous last words. As I have no plans to be back in his town until the fall, it’s sort of a non issue.

Nope, it wasn’t TD. It was Repo Man

 

Weekend Update April 23, 2018

One of my favorite gluttons for punishment readers, who has been with me since the amazingly icky TD days and has yet to tell me to piss off or thrown her smart phone out the window upon reading about yet another insane recap of my bad behavior contacted me this morning in search of an update on my weekend.  She gets to peek ‘behind the curtain’ at the ‘real’ Grey as, although we have never met in person, we are friends on FB.  And she still chooses to read my drivel!  And, just for the record, I am more ‘real’ on here than I ever would be on Facebook (the root of all evil).

 

I felt bad letting her know that my weekend with Mr. OoT isn’t until this coming weekend, not this past weekend.  Oh boo.  I do need to update on some things though.  Mr. OoT and I have been talking and texting since D Day.  I’ve not brought up anything about ‘us’ and we just exchange nonsense and U Tube music videos.  I decided to just swallow what’s left of my pride last night and just ask him.  I had already decided that I would NOT be trying to ‘sell’ myself to him.  That if he couldn’t figure it out on his own, then screw him.  Or not, as the case may be.  Our phone conversations are usually pretty distant and disconnected since ‘that day’.  Last night though, I had mentioned something that needed fixing at my house that I couldn’t figure out and he offered to come fix it for me.  From 2 hours away.  Interesting.  I had to re-ask him and he was all ‘of course I would’.  Uhm……

 

So, as we haven’t spent any time together in the past 3 weeks and our relationship has both evolved and devolved via phone, I was still unsure about what I actually wanted from him.  He, apparently, kind of feels the same way.  I asked him if he was back online.  He is.  I am not.  I asked him if he was completely closed off to the idea of ‘us’.  He is not.  HOWEVER, he wants to date around.  *sigh* Fucking Karma ….. I do not necessarily see that as a bad thing though.  While I don’t have much desire to sit across from yet another lame online coffee date, he does.  I can’t really fault him for that.

 

We talked at length.  I apologized for flip flopping on him about what I wanted.  I acknowledged that wasn’t very nice of me and must have left him pretty damn unsure about where he stood with me.  He apologized for making assumptions about me that aren’t accurate.  He completely rescinded the ‘unwavering’ or whatever the hell he called me.  He completely left it up to me on whether I would be okay with this or not.  I honestly have no idea how I feel about this, but told him that I would try my best and we could talk more when I come up there.  I know how my mind works and am not sure I will be able to keep my inner mean girl at bay.  The 1st time I call him and go to VM, my mind will start spinning.  I do think it’s only fair though.  I don’t know what I want from him at this point.  I do know that I at least want a chance to find out.  He is terrified of being in a relationship right now or making the wrong choice and getting hurt.  While I’m disappointed that he already went back online before seeing me, I can’t say that I’m surprised.  I did tell him that I think we have fun & adventures to be had.  He is still convinced that I am too good for him and will find someone way before he does.  I told him that it wasn’t a race and that I don’t know why he keeps discounting the fact that I have CHOSEN to take a chance on him.

 

Anyway, as of now I am planning on going up there on Friday for the weekend.  As a 3 day, 24 hour a day, 2nd date might be a lot to handle (for both of us), I have opted to get a hotel room.  He doesn’t know this.  I may or may not use it.  I just thought it was the best thing to do.  Oh, and best part of all this (by best, I of course mean worse)?  There will be no sex.  He doesn’t want to sleep around.  He wants to wait until he decides ‘who’ will be the lucky recipient of his penis.  Again, while I can understand the logic behind this, I do think I deserve 1st dibs.  It’s been a month.  We have insane chemistry.  I think it just prudent to test drive the goods before making any decisions.  He is pretty adamant about his new vow of celibacy.  I am pretty adamant on making him break that vow.  I may have to pull out the big guns ………..

 

** for those of you (you know who you are), who have stuck with me since the TD days, this whole concept of backtracking and dating around will sound familiar.  And a recipe for disaster.  I do think this is different.  I was 300% certain about TD.  We all know that I’m not 300% certain about anything these days……

 

What A Weekend, Part 2 April 18, 2018

So, ‘all is okay’ was how we ended the day. We’re good. I gave him a hard time, he laughed, he tried multiple times to justify his suspicion and I stuck to my guns. As an afterthought, I totally understood where he was coming from. I would have thought the same thing. I would have just asked though. I wish he would have. He didn’t. I thought we were good though. Little did I know he was keeping ‘score’….

As an aside, and to demonstrate my weird passive aggressiveness, I had planned to change my hair color back to blonde that day. Mr. OoT has only known me with dark hair. He thinks I look better as a blonde. As I was supposed to see him in less than 2 weeks, I decided to go back blonde to surprise him. When we got off the phone the 1st time (he has a weird way of taking other calls when we’re talking and I was annoyed), I was still pissed that he came at me so I put the blonde color away and dyed my hair darker than ever. Welcome to my world.

Anywhoo, forward to the next day and Mr. OoT unexpectedly had the day off from work. We texted off and on throughout the day. We were texting that night when he mentioned that he was driving, so I called him instead. The conversation was weird. He was standoffish and I, feeling pretty insecure and needy always at the time, was a bit of a difficult human to talk to. He brought up a couple of things and I had disagreed with his opinion. What else is new? We have some very different opinions on a multitude of things. We always have. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I didn’t think he did either. That night, however, he HATED that I disagreed and accused me of intentionally shitting on everything he was saying and ‘harshing his vibe’. Uh….. We ended up arguing AGAIN. I have no idea how it happened. When he told me he felt like I was shitting on him, I told him that wasn’t my intention and that his saying that totally hurt my feelings. He either intentionally or unintentionally misunderstood what I meant when I said that. It blew completely up and I was confused as hell. It was like trying to tread water with a 500lb weight tied to me. I saw where things were headed and tried my best to calm things down, but I seemed to just aggravate him more. Our conversation ended abruptly when he hung up on me. My mother used to do that to me all the time and I HATE IT. I also know that sometimes I deserve it. I texted a while later to ask if he was going to call me back and was rewarded with a curt ‘goodnight Grey’. Wow.

He sent me an equally curt ‘good morning Grey’ the next morning. As I hadn’t slept a wink the night before and was uber confused, pissed and hurt, I sent back ‘hi’. I received a ‘we need to talk’ text a while after that. That’s never good news. He called me when he got off work later that night. After a day of me penning different versions of what I wanted to say to him. They varied in degree of shitty and needy. I knew we needed to work on our communication styles. They don’t always mesh. I’ve tried to figure it out and tried to ‘do better’, but apparently I hadn’t.

When we finally spoke, he let me go 1st. I told him my concerns, I had hoped that I explained myself properly and that he would take it for how it was meant. That I liked him (I truly do) and wanted us to be able to figure these things out. That I didn’t think that his leaving town for 3 weeks right after we met was helping things. That phone conversations are different than in person conversations. That he seemed to run hot & cold. That I was feeling insecure in things. That I wanted to do better. That I wanted to understand some things that are a part of his life that are unfamiliar to me and how to better deal with them. Then it was his turn. And to make a long story short (oh wait, too late?), he dumped me. He thinks we’re too different. He thinks the 2 hour distance between us is too much. He wants me to be happy but doesn’t think he’s the one to do that. He’s apparently been keeping track for a while now. He had a whole list of things. Some accurate, some completely not. He hated that I accused him of calling me a liar (because, really, he did) in the previous day’s IG argument. He stated some very interesting/surface differences that he has extrapolated into huge negatives. The fact that I don’t like Game of Thrones (I don’t but was willing to watch with him as he loves it and, btw, who gives a fuck). The fact that I don’t like his favorite musical artist (I don’t; he sucks, but we like a million other artists). The fact that I’m a neat freak (I’m totally not). The fact that I’m unbending (what?). That he’s super inconsistent. That he’s super Libertarian. That he’s super chill & unorganized. All bullshit reasons. Then came the ‘real’ reason. The fact that he feels we just don’t match. We don’t. We’re complete opposites in some regards. In others though, we could basically share the same brain. I don’t view that as a negative. He does. Kind of heartbreaking to hear.

What I KNOW FOR A FACT he was really saying was that he didn’t think we’d make it long term, that he thinks I’ll dump him at some point down the road, that he’s unwilling to try for fear of it not working out and that he doesn’t want to get his heart broken. I know these things because he’s mentioned them all in the past. It’s funny (not really), that when he’s said in the past that he thinks I’ll figure out he’s not the one for me 6 months down the road and he can’t go through that heartbreak, I always (ALWAYS) knew that he had it backwards….

Of course, me being me, I tried to convince him that we could work. That differences aren’t necessarily bad. That we balance each other. That I need more ‘carefree’ in my life. That how on earth can we have such amazing conversations that last forever, yet he think we can’t/won’t work? That how on earth can you opt out of something before even giving it a chance to start? That I didn’t want this. That I want to try and work on this. That I think we, at the very least, should give this a shot. That why, when there is even the slightest possibility of finding happiness with someone, he wouldn’t want to try? He was very measured and even in his responses. He was pretty disconnected. I think he’s been planning this. I think he picked those fights on purpose. I think he was trying to force my hand. He just doesn’t want to try. He is convinced we won’t work. He is convinced he’s not the one for me (he never says that I’m not the one for him). He pulled out the ever infuriating poular ‘It’s me, not you’ line (one of these days I’m going to seriously throat punch a guy for this). He still wants us to be able to talk though. I told him that I wasn’t sure how that would work for me as I’d be wanting something more. I’m pretty sure he picked those fights with me the 2 days prior on purpose to test me. Pretty sure he’s been testing me all along and I’ve been failing. Boo.

How on earth did we go from planning trips together, both being excited about our plans for 2 weeks from now, his invitation for me to come to his family reunion and a million other things to ‘nope, not even gonna try’ within the span of 3 days?

This happened 2 nights ago. We texted a bit later that night and yesterday. I tried, again, to talk him into giving us a chance. I then decided that I was being a huge loser trying to convince someone of my worth. His last text to me was:

This is hard for me too, Grey. I’m hurting as well. I think you’re amazing and want you to find true love. I just don’t think that I’m the one for you and this will get harder the more attached I get.

And I’ve been crying ever since………….

**while I completely know how different we are and have big concerns about things, I am also surprised by how FUCKING sad I am by this. I’m not mad in the least. I’m kind of heart broken. I don’t think I truly realized how attached I was until this happened. I’m a pretty closed off person by nature. He knows more about me than most. He has still chosen to not give us a chance. He has tried to blame it on me with his reasoning. I know it’s his defense mechanism. I know the real reason. Still, the amount of tears that I’ve shed is unexpected. I wish I’d let him in sooner 😦

 

What A Weekend, Part 1 April 17, 2018

And no, before anyone goes and gets excited about anything, I don’t mean ‘what an amazing weekend’. It’s actually been quite the opposite.

Last you heard, Mr. OoT was giving me the silent treatment. He opted to end the silence with a phone call. A phone call consisting of a prepared speech coming at me with both barrels. Uh, what the hell did I do? Apparently it was 2 fold. He had seen an IG pic I posted wishing a friend’s son a happy birthday. It was a cute pic of the 2 of us with a funny, inside joke caption about his being the start of most Sunday Funday bad decisions. Totally innocuous to me as he’s a whopping 28 years old, looks about 18 and he, his mom & I go Sunday Funday drinking more than we should (in frequency AND volume consumed). Mr. OoT saw the pic and caption and assumed I was seeing him. Instead of just asking me about the photo he spent the day stewing and creating scenarios in his head.

The next thing he did was log onto Plenty of Fish. Nope, not to look for women, but to check my profile and see when I was on last. For god knows what reason, POF said I was on 2 days prior and he assumed (wrongly) that I was still dating around. I haven’t been. I haven’t been on there since before I went to see Mr. OoT. Btw, he knew about Mr. England. I called him and told him after I broke things off. He said he felt bad for Mr. England, but was happy to hear it. I stopped short of telling Mr. OoT that he was the only one I was interested in seeing, but figured he knew.  My bad.

Anyway, after the little phone tirade, I corrected Mr. OoT on all issues. It was a pretty intense call for many reasons. It seemed like he was trying to end things, but after talking it out all seemed okay. I even asked if we were good and he said yes, we were.

Or so he said………

 

Old Friends Emerge April 13, 2018

And by ‘old friends’ I of course mean the hottie from Tinder that unmatched me a couple of weeks back. The one that I ridiculously thought had unmatched me because I had written a rather unflattering blog post about him & figured the universe gave him a heads up. Right. I’m just that dumb sometimes.

Anyway, yesterday I reactivated my Tinder account and who do you think my 1st match was? Of course it was him. As I’m convinced that, since this is 3 times now, that the universe (and not the ridiculously small dating pool in my town) is basically giving me the thumbs up to just do him meet him already and stop dragging my feet.

He sends me a ‘hello beautiful’ and that’s where our love story began. Or at least was supposed to. We were going to meet for drinks last night. He said he’d be off work by 5. We messaged back and forth all day. At 3:30, I asked him if he had decided on a bar yet. He said no, he was still swamped with work. Whatever. I had a feeling he was going to chicken out. And he did. I texted him at 4 and let him know that although I had been looking forward to meeting him that night, that I don’t do last minute and as he hadn’t actually nailed down details, I had made other plans. Then I wished him a good night while mentally flipping him the fuck off.

As I already looked cute as hell, I decided to take myself out to dinner. I went to a favorite spot that I haven’t been to in months and grabbed a seat at the bar. Not only did the bartender remember me and my cocktail of choice, but also commented on my hair being a different color. Huh. Nice ego boost.

While I was at dinner I had 3 things happen:

1. Mr. England texted to see if I was free @ 8:30pm. Seriously? I sent back “uh, no, I already have plans with someone who plans in advance. And p.s. your learning curve regarding this seems kinda slow” dumbass

2. Some random guy plops down next to me and proceeds to hit on me. This shit never happens.

3. Mr Tinder says he’s free all weekend (no apology for being a flake, btw). I haven’t responded.

All in all, I’d call today a total #win for my ego!

 

D Day Recap April 12, 2018

Well, that didn’t go quite as planned.  I kind of suck.  A lot.  He didn’t annoy me at all with text messages and weird emojis at all yesterday.  Because he didn’t send any.  And I was glad.  They annoy me.  A lot.  I got to the bar that he chose (on his side of town, btw) before he did and grabbed a couple of seats and ordered a drink.  In he walks.  Dressed TOTALLY nice and cool.  What?  No schleppy active wear or shiny soccer pants?  He actually put some effort in.  Damn it, he cleans up well.  He sat down and we started talking and he was totally normal.  And not annoying.  Until he ordered an uber girly drink.  Well, not Frozen Strawberry Chi Chi girly, but something with heavy cream and cinnamon.  Lovely that I drink more manly cocktails than he does.

 

So we’re talking and I’m running through things in my head and thinking maybe this isn’t so bad.  We talk about his work, his travels, his likes, his dislikes, his day, his house, his ……. well, you get the idea.  He then stops himself from yammering on about himself and asks me a few questions.  I’m a listener by nature and as I know that, by and large, people like to talk about themselves a lot, I’m okay with just listening.  He pointed that out to me and told me that I am not like most women.  Well no shit.  I’m not.  I’m a bit of a fucked up puzzle that I am fine with no one being able to figure out.  Yet.

 

Anyway, I knew what I needed to do but for some reason didn’t.  He then invited me to a party on Sunday being thrown by some friends of his.  And I kind of want to go.  Not sure why.  We talked about where ‘he is’ as far as relationships go.  That he has no idea what he wants.  I told him as much and that he needs to date around and figure it out.  Try on different women for size.  Kick some tires.  This was the perfect opportunity for me to tell him that I just wasn’t feeling it.  I didn’t.  I assumed (rather wrongly), that he was telling me that we could just see each other occasionally.  The perfect way to fade into the sunset without actually needing to hurt his feelings.  I should know better.

 

He walked me to my car and gave me a big hug.  Oh, okay, maybe I wasn’t wrong.  And then he kissed me.  A weird, un passionate, tongueless kiss.  He has a strange thing he does where there is the tongueless kiss and then he sighs and rubs his nose up against mine.  I swear to god, it’s the least sexy thing ever.  Perfect time to tell him, right?  I didn’t.  And am kicking myself today as the incessant text messages and overuse of emojis has started up again.

 

I’m totally telling him on Sunday……..No, really.  WTF is wrong with me?

 

Pretty Sure D Day Is Tomorrow April 10, 2018

Well what the hell does the D stand for? Decision day? Dreaded day? Dumping day? Doubtful day? Could be any of these things. Could be all of them wrapped up into one.

I’ve been trying to give Mr. England the benefit of the doubt and to make sure it’s not just Mr. OoT clouding my judgement, but he seems to be annoying me more and more.

Yesterday was a string of needy text message. Complete with the overuse of emojis. No, seriously. It’s just weird. Here is a screenshot of just a few of yesterday’s messages.

He would text, give me about 32 seconds to respond and then text again. I eventually just stopped responding. Then it happened. That damn fucking clown emoji that I have asked him not to send me. So weird. He then layed his cards on the table and told me that although he knows he’s being pushy, he just really likes me and can’t tell what I am thinking. Well damn. Uh….

We had plans to see a movie tomorrow night, but as I am not excited about the prospect of fending off his groping attempts (and I’m fresh out of mouse-traps), I just asked if we could meet for drinks instead. I KNOW he wanted to go to the movies again for just that reason. It’s like dating a 13 year old…

I guess I have a decision to make….

 

Sunday Thoughts April 8, 2018

I swear he doesn’t mean to come off so creepy (or maybe he does), but I think I’m going to need to ask Mr. England about his overuse of emojis and uber disconcerting text messages. Oh, and why the hell he doesn’t use his tongue when kissing. I have that one narrowed down to a few possibilities:

1) He’s a germaphobe

2) He doesn’t know any better

3) No one has ever told him how weird it is

I have a feeling that if we ever do sleep together that he will

1) make me shower 1st

2) not be very creative

3) minimal foreplay 😦

Anyway, he sent me a text last night. I had told him that I have a migraine. He sent back:

Aww, poor baby. I wish I was there to rub your temples (and other things) *string of weird emojis*

See what I mean? I know, I know. You’re all wondering why I continue to see him if I feel this way. Guess I’m waiting to discover if there is something I’m missing? I want to give him the chance to prove me wrong? I want to make sure it’s not just Mr. Out of Town clouding my judgement?

We are going to the movies on Wednesday night, so I guess we’ll see. Not really a fan of movie dates, but assuming he feels it is the best way to get to grope me?

 

Footnotes April 7, 2018

Filed under: aura,bumble,dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,plenty of fish,single,texting,tinder — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:16 pm

*found this in my drafts folder as I apparently never posted it real time after our 1st date/slumber party*

Fun times abounded on Monday. We know that. Insecurity abounded yesterday. We know that too. My mind works in odd ways. We ALL know that. I’m thinking back to Monday, both good and bad, with Mr. OoT. As we all love a good list (or at least I do), here you go:

  1. So strange having a 1st date involve a 14 year old boy. Wait, that sounded weird.
  2. We did everything that Mr. OoT wanted (-)
  3. It was cold, windy and muddy out. We continued to play Disc Golf. (-)
  4. He questioned me on a lot of things. All good but maybe an underlying tone of distrust? (+/-)
  5. We went on a long walk with PLENTY of opportunities to hold my hand or show any other sign of romantic interest. (-)
  6. He talked thru Game of Thrones. He likes to ‘teach’. Although I like to learn, not sure I like to be ‘taught’ (-)
  7. After we went into my room to ‘talk’, he told me that he had it all worked out in his head, on the 2 hour drive to see me, how he was going to ‘let me down nicely’ when I inevitably tried to sleep with him. Uhm, what? (-)
  8. Women hit on him ALL the time (-)
  9. ALL the time (-)
  10. He has apparently never been shot down for sex until me (+)
  11. He kept making sure I was alright with everything and comfortable (+)
  12. He got up to get us water (and check on his son – again, how WEIRD that his son was right outside the door) (+)
  13. He made the bed in the morning (+)
  14. Mr. OoT snores. LOUDLY. He feels terrible about keeping me awake (for the 2 hours we tried to sleep). Like seriously feels BAD and is wondering how to ‘fix’ that in the future so I can sleep (-/+)
  15. He encouraged me to keep my hair dark while dating. This is because he thinks I look better as a blonde. FUNNY! (+)
  16. He is VERY appreciative of some of my skills. As we both kept pants on, I hope he’s suitably impressed with my (rather good) skills below the waist as well (+)
  17. He is amazed/impressed/in love with/astounded by my triple Ds and had NO CLUE, the entire day, that I possessed such ‘gifts’ (+)
  18. He says really dumb shit sometimes. I mean, REALLY dumb shit. (-)

Here are some questions in my head. Yey, a 2nd list!!

  1. What was this prepared speech he was going to give me if I decided to hit on him? What were his reasons going to be? Pretty sure it would be some variation of ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ as he’s already told me that. Funny thing is, when he told me that, he also said it was because he didn’t want me to decide, 6 months down the road that HE wasn’t what I wanted. Interesting. Anyway, I find it hysterical that he had pre-planned this ‘let down’ when he was the one to advance things.
  2. When I asked him what it was that made him change his mind about getting physical with me, he said it was my boobs (-) (while I’m sure he was kidding, I probably need to clarify)
  3. How fucking needy do I have to be? He’s already told me he thinks I’m awesome in just about every way, why more questions?

Gah!

 

Well That Didn’t Last Long….

NO sooner do I send out my last post into the universe than Mr. England proves me wrong by pulling out some very pervy and inappropriate ‘English’ humor.  Believe me, I use the term humor loosely.  We all know that he’s a BIG fan of the emoji.  Like more than a 13 year old girl would use.  He’s always used the kissy winky emoji.  To his arsenal lately he has added a clown (what the fuck?), a big red pair of lips, hearts and his latest and greatest; a bed emoji.  Again, what the fuck?  He filled me in on the new furniture that he purchased yesterday.  A dining room table & chairs, a few end tables, some lamps and “a new bed frame – very sturdy” followed by some weirdly unsettling emojis.  I fully ‘get’ that if I was totally into him that these little oddities probably wouldn’t bother me.  Guess what?  They do.  I find them creepy.  I can almost hear his lascivious laugh when I see them.

 

He invited me to go hot tubbing last night.  To be clear, the invitation came in promptly at 6pm for later that night.  I’ve told him several times that I’m a planner and that if he wants to be able to see me, asking in advance is usually the best way to guarantee that I don’t already have plans (which I did).  I told him I wasn’t able and suggested that he call in a ‘2nd stringer’ to join him.  He said that was a fabulous idea then almost immediately followed it up with ‘there’s only one gal for me and she’s always freaking busy’.  Assuming he meant me.  Not sure why he finds it so hard to plan/invite me in advance.

 

Eanie Meanie…… April 6, 2018

Now, if you promise not to throw your computers out the window, I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Ready?  I hid my online profiles.  Oh, what?  You’re not surprised?  Oh well.  Here’s the thing.  There are 2 men interested in me right now.  That hasn’t happened in years.  It just feels greedy and insincere to keep looking right now.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that either of these guys is ‘my one’, I just can’t see myself sitting across from yet another random online guy making small talk.  K, now, back to my men.  I am polar opposites with one and they are polar opposites of each other.  In theory that would mean that Mr. England and I are very similar.  Okay, so we are.  Whatevs.  Here’s a quick comparison of the 2:

 

Mr. England: we actually have very similar backgrounds.  He’s funny and sweet and has a pretty damn interesting life.  He also only apparently dresses in athletic wear.  Like those shiny shorts and pants things.  Me no likee.  We laugh and talk and I make him completely nervous.  How do I know this?  Well, I asked him.  And he told me so.  He is super recently divorced and brand spanking new to online dating.  He has no clue what he wants and I take every advantage of this fact to freak him out.  He’s apparently a nervous wreck about ‘liking’ anyone.  I have tried to let him know that it’s brand new.  He should keep looking.  We can keep dating, it doesn’t have to mean anything at this point.  It’s much more fun, however, to profess my undying love to him and talk of ‘our’ future together and watch the look of panic in his eyes.  It’s kind of funny.  And I’m a bitch, so I keep doing it.  What’s totally funny though is that each time I see him, he backs off more from making any inappropriate moves.  He certainly tried on movie night (date #1) but not since then.  I know he likes me.  He knows he likes me.  I know I should like him more than I do.  I know that, head to head, he is the ‘better’ choice for me.  I’m just not sure that I’m sexually attracted to him.  Boo.

 

Mr. Out Of Town:  yes, you all know about him ad nauseum.  What you don’t know is how sweet he is.  What good talks we have.  How he’s trying really hard to ‘listen’ to what I say.  He realizes how different we are.  I broke one of my beloved crystals today.  Well, it actually shattered into a million pieces and it kind of freaked me out.  When I told him about it, he not only understood and empathized, but suggested I save all the pieces and we could leave one in each exotic destination that ‘we’ visit.  Very sweet.  He wants to work on improving our communication.  Today, in the mail, I received a copy of ‘The 5 Love Languages’.  I had mentioned the book when I last saw him and we were on completely different pages in the same discussion.  He bought a copy for himself too.  I think he really wants to try to figure out how to be a better version of himself.  Not quite so self involved.  To talk less and listen more.  Anyway, I’m ridiculously excited to read the book.  Pretty sure I know which ‘Love Language’ I am, but will be super cool to see and, moreso, to find out what he thinks his is (I already know what his is).

 

On paper, Mr. England is the one for me.  My hormones tell me otherwise.  It’s not like I have to choose either anytime soon, so this post isn’t about that, but as I was sitting at coffee today with Mr. England, hating what he was wearing, loving our conversations and being way too amused by the panic I see in his eyes, I was wondering why I don’t want to jump him like I do every SINGLE time I see (or even think about) Mr. Out of Town.  The thought of Mr. England continuing to online date doesn’t bother me one bit.  No, seriously, it doesn’t.  We all know how much the thought of Mr. Out of Town continuing to date makes me insane.

 

Oh well, until push comes to shove, I will continue to see them both.  And let them fight over me.  Okay, that was WAY more self  confident that I would ever be.  It is kinda nice knowing that there are 2 men out there that think I’m pretty terrific though.  Who knew?