The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

On This Day….. July 17, 2018

You know how FB sends you ‘memories’ from previous years? Some are amazing memories and bring a smile to my face. Some make me think and realize how things have changed. There’s the whole remembrance of outings with friends. Of good times had. Of evolutions made. Of changes in circumstances. Then again, once every blue moon you get a ‘memory’ that you wish they wouldn’t have sent. From eight years ago:

some jack-hole from match (yes, i know) just sent me this: “I’m not married by choice. Ur a 42 yo w-no kids never married. Lol
Very odd for a woman. You better work on yourself. Who d want advice from u. I just re looked@your pics. I saw them hours ago. No wonder I forgot them. What a AVE looking plain jane. Not enough booze in AZ for me to date u. I wouldn’t walk across the ST. to say hi to u ! Get over your extremely ave self. You’re somebodys 10. Lol. Your a 5-6 to me. I date8s. Commit to 9s. There’s not a plastic surgeon ,that can get u to a 7! Lol”

Uhm, what the fuck? I’m wracking my brain to try to remember this guy or what the circumstances were to deserve such an awesome message, but I can’t. And that’s probably a good thing.

Ahhh, online dating. How I love you so. Not.

NEVER LET ANYONE DEFINE YOUR SELF WORTH! This took me a looooong time to fully embrace. I’m pretty sure this message knocked me on my ass for a few days back then (and might actually still if I were to receive this message today). Looks are just looks. Superficial assholes are just superficial assholes. I can only hope that Karma has done it’s work on this idiot.

 

Were There Men Even On Board? May 24, 2018

So. Much. Fun. So. Many. Cocktails. Got back Sunday from my 3 day whirlwind cruise. So glad I went. Even though the ‘jr suite’ that I shared with 2 friends was more like a ‘not so much jr suite’ and I slept on this odd folded out futon like couch thing (diagonally, might I add as it was uber short and I am not), I had a blast.

There were 13 of us in all. And about 6 of that 13 were all about the drama. Tears, tantrums and rudeness included. I successfully avoided it all. And spent most of my time at the bar. Every bar. My ‘core group’ all got the ‘unlimited drinks’ package and, as it’s not really unlimited and is instead limited to 15 drinks per day (boo Carnival), it was an unwritten agreement to try and reach our limit each day. #lifegoals. Sadly, and surprisingly considering we started drinking at 9am each day, I never actually hit 15. Apparently I’m lame. Or just a cheaper date than I used to be.

The laughter was plentiful, the drinks strong, the re-bonding of friendships awesome. The only thing that could have made the experience better would be an in board hook up. Sorry friends, I broke my vacation fling streak.

There weren’t many cute singles on board. There were lots of younger men with ironic man buns though. No thank you. I heard, on night #1 that there was a group of age appropriate hotties spotted in the dining room, but I was not alerted. Damn greedy bitches. I do think I spotted them the next night when they all walked past me on formal night. They were every bit as attractive as I’d heard. There was even a tall nerdy one with glasses just for me. Sadly, and inexplicably, my inner social retard took over and instead of making eye contact when he looked directly at me and smiled, I looked at the ground. WTF?!?! I have no clue what happened. I would normally switch directions and follow them (is it really stalking if it’s just me?), but I totally drew a blank and brain farted on what little game I have left. Eh, oh well, at least they were pretty to look at, however briefly.

I am back home, missing my friends terribly, still awaiting my room service coffee to be delivered to my room and, for some strange reason, am unable to locate the buffet. Damn reality….

 

Bad Decisions on the High Seas May 16, 2018

This weekend I am off for a girls’ trip aboard a shitty little cruise ship to a shitty little destination. I sound excited, right? Well, I am. If only because my FOMO kicked in and I truly miss my friends that I moved away from almost a year ago. When they all told me about the trip, my thoughts ranged from ‘that sounds like a horrible idea’, to ‘seriously? a 3 day cruise? who does that?’ to ‘damn, I’m going to be missing out’. As I am still not working (or looking, for that matter), I absolutely should not be going. Oh lookie there, my financial decisions are just as good as my romantic ones! I’m going. Fuck it.

All of the women going on the trip are single. Heaven help any men aboard the ship as more than a few of us are a bit boy crazy. Although you will all agree that I am kind of pre-occupied with finding someone of the opposite sex, compared to several of my friends I’m a complete amateur in that regard. No, really. I actually forsee arm-wrestles over anyone attractive. There will be shoving, tripping, running and all forms of mahem. Haven’t actually decided if I will be participating. Kinda think not.

In true Grey Goose form, of the 10 of us going, I only really care about my ‘core’ group of 4. The rest are just filler. And sort of annoying. The riff raff (kidding!) are planning a big excursion in one of the ports that will take up most of the day. I, true to form, will be forgoing that less than appealing option to stay on board and drink. And tan. And ogle the crew (yes, I’m THAT girl, stop acting surprised). Because my tribe is awesome, they are staying on board with me!

I am looking forward to a terrific trip reconnecting with friends, drinking WAY too much, eating WAY too much, acting a bit immature (go figure) and laughing WAY WAY too much. Can there ever be too much laughter though? I think not.

Mr. OoT is not thrilled that I am going on this trip and has already requested that if I do hook up with anyone, to NOT tell him. As I don’t forsee that even happening, it’s a moot point. Kinda cute that he’s worried though. As a little bonus to this post and because I have offered no real updates on him lately, Mr. OoT is out of town again working. I won’t see him for 10 more days. He has already told me that he misses me, that he wishes we could see each other more often and that *silence for the suspense* he is going to pick out a drawer for me in his room. A whole drawer! Just for me! 😉 Oh, and he also mentioned that he hid his online profile…….

 

The 48 Hour Date May 7, 2018

Not sure why it is, but apparently every time I pull into Mr. OoT’s town, the universe signals Repo Man to text me.  Weird.  Anywhoo, it was requested by Mr. OoT that I plan on arriving to his place around 7pm on Saturday.  Whatevs.  As he lives a scant 20 minutes away from one of the most amazing feats of nature that I’ve ever seen, I opted to head up there around noon.  Just me, my dog, my overpacked bag, and a big question mark whether I would be there for 24 or 48 hours.

 

I got to his town around 2pm and went to the state park where the closest thing to my zen inducing love of water could work it’s magic.  It was amazing.  I was wearing a cute dress, the weather was gorgeous, the park was packed, the falls were magical.  I sat in the grass, took some selfies with my dog, offered to take photos of couples struggling with their own selfies and had a very nice time.  Bonus (or not) was that I believe I flashed half the park when getting up off the ground.  Sorry nature lovers, there’s just no graceful way to go about that when holding a dog leash and trying not to fall over.

 

I Snapchatted Mr. OoT (’cause I’m a 13 year old girl) a pic of my dog and I at the park and let him know that although we were already in town, we would plan on arriving to his place at 7 as requested unless I heard otherwise.  Well duh, of course I heard otherwise.  His son’s school even ended a bit early, so I got the green light for 5pm.  Yey.  Now I know I’ll get fed.  Priorities people!

 

He greeted me with a huge smile, a hug and a kiss.  We all went out to dinner and then did touristy things the rest of the evening (much to his 15 year old son’s dismay; although he was a great sport).  Our waitress at dinner accidentally assumed that I was ‘the mom’ in the equation and addressed me as such.  Poor OoT’s son wanted to crawl under the table.  Of course, being the kind, understanding and compassionate woman that I am, I completely ‘got’ his being uncomfortable with that mistake.  And then proceeded to address him as ‘son’ the rest of the evening and question my parenting with him.  He either loves me or wants to kill me.  Not sure which.  As it entertained the hell out of me and Mr. OoT, I wasn’t too worried about it.

 

We had another great weekend.   There were a couple of awkward things that happened though.  Like when we returned Mr. OoT’s son to his mom’s (wife #2) on Sunday night and I sat in the car while everyone hung out and talked for way too long a scant 10 feet from the car.  I don’t think ex wife #2 even knew I was in the car, but it was a little odd for me to be sitting there.  Mr. OoT apologized when he got back in the car as he wasn’t planning on chatting with her for so long.  He knew I was a little weirded out by it and asked me what I thought he should have done.  Er, huh, no clue.  No reason for me to meet one of the ex wives at this point, so I really didn’t have an answer for him.  Although I couldn’t see her face as her back was to me, she was a petite little blonde with tons of hair.  Kinda weird seeing Mr. OoT standing around chatting up someone that he used to sleep with.  Huh.

 

We talked a lot this weekend.  Not about us, but about ‘things’.  He told me something that he had been super nervous about letting me know and had been questioning whether to tell me at all.  As I had already guessed at his ‘secret’ weeks ago, I just flat out asked him.  And he was completely honest with me.  He expected a completely different reaction from me than the one he got and was relieved as hell.  Kinda think he still has it in his head that I’m a bit of a mash up of all his exes mixed with a tad uptight bitch.  Sorry babe, I’m a bit unique in that I can’t really be categorized.

 

I ended up staying the 2 nights (yey for me and my vagina).  I was pretty sad heading home today.  I won’t see him for another 2 weeks.  We still haven’t spoken about ‘us’.  Although he did mention needing to have ‘the talk’ at some point, I just opted to ignore that comment and continue to live in the moment.  I like him.  Plain and simple.  Is he the one for me?  I have no clue.  He’s the one that makes me happy in the now, so I’ll go with that.  Oh, and the fact that we had a pretty major make out sesh right before I left, I’m pretty sure that he won’t be thinking of anyone but me for the next 2 weeks.  He’s already confirmed twice that I’ll see him in 2 weeks, right?  Right.

 

Adulting May 4, 2018

Not my favorite.  It seems as though I’ve had to ‘adult’ my entire life.  Being perpetually single and *gasp* independent, all of life’s decisions have always fallen squarely on my shoulders.  Usually to be addressed straight away before my senility kicks in and I forget to take care of them all together.  I have definite opinions on what is important.  On what is right & wrong.  About how things should be.  Really, I have definite opinions on just about everything.  Some things I’m better about dealing with than others as proven by my overly neurotic posts each and EVERY time I meet a guy I could potentially like.

 

Seeing someone that lives 2 hours away is a bit of a pain in the ass.  There’s planning involved for a booty call.  I don’t even think that needing to drive 2 hours even makes it a booty call.    Anywhoo, I am off to see Mr. OoT again this weekend.  I was actually available to leave yesterday to head up there and could spend 4 nights with him before needing to come home.  For whatever reason, I just kind of assumed that would greeted with an enthusiastic ‘hurry up and get your ass over here, I miss you’.  That wasn’t quite what I got.  The ‘plan’ was actually for me to head up tomorrow morning.  I never told him I was available to come up on Thursday.  When we spoke yesterday he let me know that he has a lot of things that he needs to get done on Saturday and needed to spend some quality time with his son.  He loves his son to death and the fact that he’s only in town 2 weeks out of the month means that he wants to spend as much time as possible with him.  I entirely get that.  Kids come 1st.  Always.  As it should be.  What I wasn’t prepared for was Mr. OoT asking if I could delay my arrival until tomorrow night.  Well boo.  Like 7pm tomorrow night.  That sucks.

 

While my 1st inclination would be to assume he didn’t really want to see me and that ‘WTF, seriously?’ and then try to change his mind and let him know that I didn’t expect to spend every waking moment with him and was happy to entertain myself around town, I took a step back (here’s where the adulting part comes in) and realized that our ‘dating’ isn’t all that organic.  Duh.  If he were to be seeing someone that lived in his town, they’d go to dinner, have some sexy time and then he’d send her ass home until the next time.  Our dates come with an automatic sleep over and last no less than 24 hours.  I guess that’s a lot.  Date #1 lasted 25 hours.  Date #2 lasted a scant 4 hours.  Date #3 lasted 72 hours.  For a man that likes his space and commented numerous times on how surprised he was that my being there wasn’t freaking him out, I get that this is a lot.  It is.  It’s like the date that never ends. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been nothing but awesome since last weekend, but I get it.  I really do.

 

So I agreed.  Because I’m mature like that and am trying to be less selfish in my view of things.  What he doesn’t know, however, is that I don’t need to be home until Monday.  I haven’t told him that yet.  I guess we’ll just see how things go with date #4 and whether it lasts 24 or 48 hours.  😉

 

Have a great weekend everyone!!

 

Text Messages & Emoticons May 3, 2018

I got several texts while at Mr. OoT’s last weekend. I had my phone on silent the entire time as, although he claims otherwise, I believe that Mr. OoT is a bit jealous and paranoid. I didn’t want him to worry that every incoming text was from a guy.

They mainly were. I received a few text messages from Repo Man who happened to be spending the weekend in my all time favorite locale along with a few pics. And, might I say, he looked damn good. His messages were flirty. My responses were not.

I also received a message from Mr. English. Complete with emoticons. It was a nice message, hoping I was doing well, letting me know he’d be house-sitting for someone in my area and updating me on the project that he has been working on. I waffled back and forth on how to respond. He is a good guy, he’s just not MY good guy. I was going to send a bland ‘glad all is going well’ or an equally bland ‘thanks for letting me know’. I opted out of sending either and opted out of responding at all. I feel a bit bad about this, but also felt it was the right option.

 

Weekend Update April 23, 2018

One of my favorite gluttons for punishment readers, who has been with me since the amazingly icky TD days and has yet to tell me to piss off or thrown her smart phone out the window upon reading about yet another insane recap of my bad behavior contacted me this morning in search of an update on my weekend.  She gets to peek ‘behind the curtain’ at the ‘real’ Grey as, although we have never met in person, we are friends on FB.  And she still chooses to read my drivel!  And, just for the record, I am more ‘real’ on here than I ever would be on Facebook (the root of all evil).

 

I felt bad letting her know that my weekend with Mr. OoT isn’t until this coming weekend, not this past weekend.  Oh boo.  I do need to update on some things though.  Mr. OoT and I have been talking and texting since D Day.  I’ve not brought up anything about ‘us’ and we just exchange nonsense and U Tube music videos.  I decided to just swallow what’s left of my pride last night and just ask him.  I had already decided that I would NOT be trying to ‘sell’ myself to him.  That if he couldn’t figure it out on his own, then screw him.  Or not, as the case may be.  Our phone conversations are usually pretty distant and disconnected since ‘that day’.  Last night though, I had mentioned something that needed fixing at my house that I couldn’t figure out and he offered to come fix it for me.  From 2 hours away.  Interesting.  I had to re-ask him and he was all ‘of course I would’.  Uhm……

 

So, as we haven’t spent any time together in the past 3 weeks and our relationship has both evolved and devolved via phone, I was still unsure about what I actually wanted from him.  He, apparently, kind of feels the same way.  I asked him if he was back online.  He is.  I am not.  I asked him if he was completely closed off to the idea of ‘us’.  He is not.  HOWEVER, he wants to date around.  *sigh* Fucking Karma ….. I do not necessarily see that as a bad thing though.  While I don’t have much desire to sit across from yet another lame online coffee date, he does.  I can’t really fault him for that.

 

We talked at length.  I apologized for flip flopping on him about what I wanted.  I acknowledged that wasn’t very nice of me and must have left him pretty damn unsure about where he stood with me.  He apologized for making assumptions about me that aren’t accurate.  He completely rescinded the ‘unwavering’ or whatever the hell he called me.  He completely left it up to me on whether I would be okay with this or not.  I honestly have no idea how I feel about this, but told him that I would try my best and we could talk more when I come up there.  I know how my mind works and am not sure I will be able to keep my inner mean girl at bay.  The 1st time I call him and go to VM, my mind will start spinning.  I do think it’s only fair though.  I don’t know what I want from him at this point.  I do know that I at least want a chance to find out.  He is terrified of being in a relationship right now or making the wrong choice and getting hurt.  While I’m disappointed that he already went back online before seeing me, I can’t say that I’m surprised.  I did tell him that I think we have fun & adventures to be had.  He is still convinced that I am too good for him and will find someone way before he does.  I told him that it wasn’t a race and that I don’t know why he keeps discounting the fact that I have CHOSEN to take a chance on him.

 

Anyway, as of now I am planning on going up there on Friday for the weekend.  As a 3 day, 24 hour a day, 2nd date might be a lot to handle (for both of us), I have opted to get a hotel room.  He doesn’t know this.  I may or may not use it.  I just thought it was the best thing to do.  Oh, and best part of all this (by best, I of course mean worse)?  There will be no sex.  He doesn’t want to sleep around.  He wants to wait until he decides ‘who’ will be the lucky recipient of his penis.  Again, while I can understand the logic behind this, I do think I deserve 1st dibs.  It’s been a month.  We have insane chemistry.  I think it just prudent to test drive the goods before making any decisions.  He is pretty adamant about his new vow of celibacy.  I am pretty adamant on making him break that vow.  I may have to pull out the big guns ………..

 

** for those of you (you know who you are), who have stuck with me since the TD days, this whole concept of backtracking and dating around will sound familiar.  And a recipe for disaster.  I do think this is different.  I was 300% certain about TD.  We all know that I’m not 300% certain about anything these days……

 

What A Weekend, Part 2 April 18, 2018

So, ‘all is okay’ was how we ended the day. We’re good. I gave him a hard time, he laughed, he tried multiple times to justify his suspicion and I stuck to my guns. As an afterthought, I totally understood where he was coming from. I would have thought the same thing. I would have just asked though. I wish he would have. He didn’t. I thought we were good though. Little did I know he was keeping ‘score’….

As an aside, and to demonstrate my weird passive aggressiveness, I had planned to change my hair color back to blonde that day. Mr. OoT has only known me with dark hair. He thinks I look better as a blonde. As I was supposed to see him in less than 2 weeks, I decided to go back blonde to surprise him. When we got off the phone the 1st time (he has a weird way of taking other calls when we’re talking and I was annoyed), I was still pissed that he came at me so I put the blonde color away and dyed my hair darker than ever. Welcome to my world.

Anywhoo, forward to the next day and Mr. OoT unexpectedly had the day off from work. We texted off and on throughout the day. We were texting that night when he mentioned that he was driving, so I called him instead. The conversation was weird. He was standoffish and I, feeling pretty insecure and needy always at the time, was a bit of a difficult human to talk to. He brought up a couple of things and I had disagreed with his opinion. What else is new? We have some very different opinions on a multitude of things. We always have. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I didn’t think he did either. That night, however, he HATED that I disagreed and accused me of intentionally shitting on everything he was saying and ‘harshing his vibe’. Uh….. We ended up arguing AGAIN. I have no idea how it happened. When he told me he felt like I was shitting on him, I told him that wasn’t my intention and that his saying that totally hurt my feelings. He either intentionally or unintentionally misunderstood what I meant when I said that. It blew completely up and I was confused as hell. It was like trying to tread water with a 500lb weight tied to me. I saw where things were headed and tried my best to calm things down, but I seemed to just aggravate him more. Our conversation ended abruptly when he hung up on me. My mother used to do that to me all the time and I HATE IT. I also know that sometimes I deserve it. I texted a while later to ask if he was going to call me back and was rewarded with a curt ‘goodnight Grey’. Wow.

He sent me an equally curt ‘good morning Grey’ the next morning. As I hadn’t slept a wink the night before and was uber confused, pissed and hurt, I sent back ‘hi’. I received a ‘we need to talk’ text a while after that. That’s never good news. He called me when he got off work later that night. After a day of me penning different versions of what I wanted to say to him. They varied in degree of shitty and needy. I knew we needed to work on our communication styles. They don’t always mesh. I’ve tried to figure it out and tried to ‘do better’, but apparently I hadn’t.

When we finally spoke, he let me go 1st. I told him my concerns, I had hoped that I explained myself properly and that he would take it for how it was meant. That I liked him (I truly do) and wanted us to be able to figure these things out. That I didn’t think that his leaving town for 3 weeks right after we met was helping things. That phone conversations are different than in person conversations. That he seemed to run hot & cold. That I was feeling insecure in things. That I wanted to do better. That I wanted to understand some things that are a part of his life that are unfamiliar to me and how to better deal with them. Then it was his turn. And to make a long story short (oh wait, too late?), he dumped me. He thinks we’re too different. He thinks the 2 hour distance between us is too much. He wants me to be happy but doesn’t think he’s the one to do that. He’s apparently been keeping track for a while now. He had a whole list of things. Some accurate, some completely not. He hated that I accused him of calling me a liar (because, really, he did) in the previous day’s IG argument. He stated some very interesting/surface differences that he has extrapolated into huge negatives. The fact that I don’t like Game of Thrones (I don’t but was willing to watch with him as he loves it and, btw, who gives a fuck). The fact that I don’t like his favorite musical artist (I don’t; he sucks, but we like a million other artists). The fact that I’m a neat freak (I’m totally not). The fact that I’m unbending (what?). That he’s super inconsistent. That he’s super Libertarian. That he’s super chill & unorganized. All bullshit reasons. Then came the ‘real’ reason. The fact that he feels we just don’t match. We don’t. We’re complete opposites in some regards. In others though, we could basically share the same brain. I don’t view that as a negative. He does. Kind of heartbreaking to hear.

What I KNOW FOR A FACT he was really saying was that he didn’t think we’d make it long term, that he thinks I’ll dump him at some point down the road, that he’s unwilling to try for fear of it not working out and that he doesn’t want to get his heart broken. I know these things because he’s mentioned them all in the past. It’s funny (not really), that when he’s said in the past that he thinks I’ll figure out he’s not the one for me 6 months down the road and he can’t go through that heartbreak, I always (ALWAYS) knew that he had it backwards….

Of course, me being me, I tried to convince him that we could work. That differences aren’t necessarily bad. That we balance each other. That I need more ‘carefree’ in my life. That how on earth can we have such amazing conversations that last forever, yet he think we can’t/won’t work? That how on earth can you opt out of something before even giving it a chance to start? That I didn’t want this. That I want to try and work on this. That I think we, at the very least, should give this a shot. That why, when there is even the slightest possibility of finding happiness with someone, he wouldn’t want to try? He was very measured and even in his responses. He was pretty disconnected. I think he’s been planning this. I think he picked those fights on purpose. I think he was trying to force my hand. He just doesn’t want to try. He is convinced we won’t work. He is convinced he’s not the one for me (he never says that I’m not the one for him). He pulled out the ever infuriating poular ‘It’s me, not you’ line (one of these days I’m going to seriously throat punch a guy for this). He still wants us to be able to talk though. I told him that I wasn’t sure how that would work for me as I’d be wanting something more. I’m pretty sure he picked those fights with me the 2 days prior on purpose to test me. Pretty sure he’s been testing me all along and I’ve been failing. Boo.

How on earth did we go from planning trips together, both being excited about our plans for 2 weeks from now, his invitation for me to come to his family reunion and a million other things to ‘nope, not even gonna try’ within the span of 3 days?

This happened 2 nights ago. We texted a bit later that night and yesterday. I tried, again, to talk him into giving us a chance. I then decided that I was being a huge loser trying to convince someone of my worth. His last text to me was:

This is hard for me too, Grey. I’m hurting as well. I think you’re amazing and want you to find true love. I just don’t think that I’m the one for you and this will get harder the more attached I get.

And I’ve been crying ever since………….

**while I completely know how different we are and have big concerns about things, I am also surprised by how FUCKING sad I am by this. I’m not mad in the least. I’m kind of heart broken. I don’t think I truly realized how attached I was until this happened. I’m a pretty closed off person by nature. He knows more about me than most. He has still chosen to not give us a chance. He has tried to blame it on me with his reasoning. I know it’s his defense mechanism. I know the real reason. Still, the amount of tears that I’ve shed is unexpected. I wish I’d let him in sooner 😦

 

What A Weekend, Part 1 April 17, 2018

And no, before anyone goes and gets excited about anything, I don’t mean ‘what an amazing weekend’. It’s actually been quite the opposite.

Last you heard, Mr. OoT was giving me the silent treatment. He opted to end the silence with a phone call. A phone call consisting of a prepared speech coming at me with both barrels. Uh, what the hell did I do? Apparently it was 2 fold. He had seen an IG pic I posted wishing a friend’s son a happy birthday. It was a cute pic of the 2 of us with a funny, inside joke caption about his being the start of most Sunday Funday bad decisions. Totally innocuous to me as he’s a whopping 28 years old, looks about 18 and he, his mom & I go Sunday Funday drinking more than we should (in frequency AND volume consumed). Mr. OoT saw the pic and caption and assumed I was seeing him. Instead of just asking me about the photo he spent the day stewing and creating scenarios in his head.

The next thing he did was log onto Plenty of Fish. Nope, not to look for women, but to check my profile and see when I was on last. For god knows what reason, POF said I was on 2 days prior and he assumed (wrongly) that I was still dating around. I haven’t been. I haven’t been on there since before I went to see Mr. OoT. Btw, he knew about Mr. England. I called him and told him after I broke things off. He said he felt bad for Mr. England, but was happy to hear it. I stopped short of telling Mr. OoT that he was the only one I was interested in seeing, but figured he knew.  My bad.

Anyway, after the little phone tirade, I corrected Mr. OoT on all issues. It was a pretty intense call for many reasons. It seemed like he was trying to end things, but after talking it out all seemed okay. I even asked if we were good and he said yes, we were.

Or so he said………

 

Berger April 14, 2018

Remember that episode from Sex In The City where Carrie gets dumped by John Berger via post-it note? So shitty, right? Completely cowardly. Well, I’m Berger, Mr. England is Carrie and the post-it note is a text message. Oh yes I did.

Mr. England messaged me yesterday to see if I could meet for coffee. Last minute. Again. I opted not to respond (because I’m completely immature and passive aggressive). Over the course of the next few hours came 4 more text messages consisting of the perfectly annoying combination of needy and passive aggressive from him. I didn’t respond to any. Then came the snide ‘so, do you want to go to the party on Sunday or are you ‘busy’ again’? Okay, enough already. Time to put on my big girl pants and do the right thing. Well, do the right thing in a completely cowardly and lame way.

I responded by ignoring all of his original messages, lying that I had my phone off (don’t ask me why) and letting him know it would be best if I passed on the party on Sunday. Then I sent a 2nd text. One letting him know that although I thought he was a terrific guy, the fact that he’s a shitty kisser was a deal breaker for me. What? Okay, no, that’s not what I said (only in my head). I told him that I think he’s great, but that in re-thinking our conversations when we last met, I thought it was for the best that we no longer see each other. Sure, I could have just told him that I wasn’t feeling it, but I didn’t want to make him feel bad. Right or wrong, that’s how my mind works. I then sat back and waited for the inevitable shitty message back from him.

It didn’t come. What did arrive was a concerned, ‘was it something I said?’. An understanding ‘you seemed reluctant to move forward’ and a sad emoji face (of course there was an emoji). I sent back ‘no worries, it’s all for the best; I hope you find someone wonderful’. He then sent back a ‘U2’ with a kissy emoji.

He is a good guy. A needy, unsure, shitty kissing good guy. I can’t say for certain if everything else would have been forgiven if he was a good kisser, but I assume (knowing me and the kissing whore that I am) that it might have been. As he’s not and I don’t love creepy emojis, like I told him; It’s for the best ………

 

Old Friends Emerge April 13, 2018

And by ‘old friends’ I of course mean the hottie from Tinder that unmatched me a couple of weeks back. The one that I ridiculously thought had unmatched me because I had written a rather unflattering blog post about him & figured the universe gave him a heads up. Right. I’m just that dumb sometimes.

Anyway, yesterday I reactivated my Tinder account and who do you think my 1st match was? Of course it was him. As I’m convinced that, since this is 3 times now, that the universe (and not the ridiculously small dating pool in my town) is basically giving me the thumbs up to just do him meet him already and stop dragging my feet.

He sends me a ‘hello beautiful’ and that’s where our love story began. Or at least was supposed to. We were going to meet for drinks last night. He said he’d be off work by 5. We messaged back and forth all day. At 3:30, I asked him if he had decided on a bar yet. He said no, he was still swamped with work. Whatever. I had a feeling he was going to chicken out. And he did. I texted him at 4 and let him know that although I had been looking forward to meeting him that night, that I don’t do last minute and as he hadn’t actually nailed down details, I had made other plans. Then I wished him a good night while mentally flipping him the fuck off.

As I already looked cute as hell, I decided to take myself out to dinner. I went to a favorite spot that I haven’t been to in months and grabbed a seat at the bar. Not only did the bartender remember me and my cocktail of choice, but also commented on my hair being a different color. Huh. Nice ego boost.

While I was at dinner I had 3 things happen:

1. Mr. England texted to see if I was free @ 8:30pm. Seriously? I sent back “uh, no, I already have plans with someone who plans in advance. And p.s. your learning curve regarding this seems kinda slow” dumbass

2. Some random guy plops down next to me and proceeds to hit on me. This shit never happens.

3. Mr Tinder says he’s free all weekend (no apology for being a flake, btw). I haven’t responded.

All in all, I’d call today a total #win for my ego!

 

D Day Recap April 12, 2018

Well, that didn’t go quite as planned.  I kind of suck.  A lot.  He didn’t annoy me at all with text messages and weird emojis at all yesterday.  Because he didn’t send any.  And I was glad.  They annoy me.  A lot.  I got to the bar that he chose (on his side of town, btw) before he did and grabbed a couple of seats and ordered a drink.  In he walks.  Dressed TOTALLY nice and cool.  What?  No schleppy active wear or shiny soccer pants?  He actually put some effort in.  Damn it, he cleans up well.  He sat down and we started talking and he was totally normal.  And not annoying.  Until he ordered an uber girly drink.  Well, not Frozen Strawberry Chi Chi girly, but something with heavy cream and cinnamon.  Lovely that I drink more manly cocktails than he does.

 

So we’re talking and I’m running through things in my head and thinking maybe this isn’t so bad.  We talk about his work, his travels, his likes, his dislikes, his day, his house, his ……. well, you get the idea.  He then stops himself from yammering on about himself and asks me a few questions.  I’m a listener by nature and as I know that, by and large, people like to talk about themselves a lot, I’m okay with just listening.  He pointed that out to me and told me that I am not like most women.  Well no shit.  I’m not.  I’m a bit of a fucked up puzzle that I am fine with no one being able to figure out.  Yet.

 

Anyway, I knew what I needed to do but for some reason didn’t.  He then invited me to a party on Sunday being thrown by some friends of his.  And I kind of want to go.  Not sure why.  We talked about where ‘he is’ as far as relationships go.  That he has no idea what he wants.  I told him as much and that he needs to date around and figure it out.  Try on different women for size.  Kick some tires.  This was the perfect opportunity for me to tell him that I just wasn’t feeling it.  I didn’t.  I assumed (rather wrongly), that he was telling me that we could just see each other occasionally.  The perfect way to fade into the sunset without actually needing to hurt his feelings.  I should know better.

 

He walked me to my car and gave me a big hug.  Oh, okay, maybe I wasn’t wrong.  And then he kissed me.  A weird, un passionate, tongueless kiss.  He has a strange thing he does where there is the tongueless kiss and then he sighs and rubs his nose up against mine.  I swear to god, it’s the least sexy thing ever.  Perfect time to tell him, right?  I didn’t.  And am kicking myself today as the incessant text messages and overuse of emojis has started up again.

 

I’m totally telling him on Sunday……..No, really.  WTF is wrong with me?

 

Pretty Sure D Day Is Tomorrow April 10, 2018

Well what the hell does the D stand for? Decision day? Dreaded day? Dumping day? Doubtful day? Could be any of these things. Could be all of them wrapped up into one.

I’ve been trying to give Mr. England the benefit of the doubt and to make sure it’s not just Mr. OoT clouding my judgement, but he seems to be annoying me more and more.

Yesterday was a string of needy text message. Complete with the overuse of emojis. No, seriously. It’s just weird. Here is a screenshot of just a few of yesterday’s messages.

He would text, give me about 32 seconds to respond and then text again. I eventually just stopped responding. Then it happened. That damn fucking clown emoji that I have asked him not to send me. So weird. He then layed his cards on the table and told me that although he knows he’s being pushy, he just really likes me and can’t tell what I am thinking. Well damn. Uh….

We had plans to see a movie tomorrow night, but as I am not excited about the prospect of fending off his groping attempts (and I’m fresh out of mouse-traps), I just asked if we could meet for drinks instead. I KNOW he wanted to go to the movies again for just that reason. It’s like dating a 13 year old…

I guess I have a decision to make….

 

Eanie Meanie…… April 6, 2018

Now, if you promise not to throw your computers out the window, I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Ready?  I hid my online profiles.  Oh, what?  You’re not surprised?  Oh well.  Here’s the thing.  There are 2 men interested in me right now.  That hasn’t happened in years.  It just feels greedy and insincere to keep looking right now.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that either of these guys is ‘my one’, I just can’t see myself sitting across from yet another random online guy making small talk.  K, now, back to my men.  I am polar opposites with one and they are polar opposites of each other.  In theory that would mean that Mr. England and I are very similar.  Okay, so we are.  Whatevs.  Here’s a quick comparison of the 2:

 

Mr. England: we actually have very similar backgrounds.  He’s funny and sweet and has a pretty damn interesting life.  He also only apparently dresses in athletic wear.  Like those shiny shorts and pants things.  Me no likee.  We laugh and talk and I make him completely nervous.  How do I know this?  Well, I asked him.  And he told me so.  He is super recently divorced and brand spanking new to online dating.  He has no clue what he wants and I take every advantage of this fact to freak him out.  He’s apparently a nervous wreck about ‘liking’ anyone.  I have tried to let him know that it’s brand new.  He should keep looking.  We can keep dating, it doesn’t have to mean anything at this point.  It’s much more fun, however, to profess my undying love to him and talk of ‘our’ future together and watch the look of panic in his eyes.  It’s kind of funny.  And I’m a bitch, so I keep doing it.  What’s totally funny though is that each time I see him, he backs off more from making any inappropriate moves.  He certainly tried on movie night (date #1) but not since then.  I know he likes me.  He knows he likes me.  I know I should like him more than I do.  I know that, head to head, he is the ‘better’ choice for me.  I’m just not sure that I’m sexually attracted to him.  Boo.

 

Mr. Out Of Town:  yes, you all know about him ad nauseum.  What you don’t know is how sweet he is.  What good talks we have.  How he’s trying really hard to ‘listen’ to what I say.  He realizes how different we are.  I broke one of my beloved crystals today.  Well, it actually shattered into a million pieces and it kind of freaked me out.  When I told him about it, he not only understood and empathized, but suggested I save all the pieces and we could leave one in each exotic destination that ‘we’ visit.  Very sweet.  He wants to work on improving our communication.  Today, in the mail, I received a copy of ‘The 5 Love Languages’.  I had mentioned the book when I last saw him and we were on completely different pages in the same discussion.  He bought a copy for himself too.  I think he really wants to try to figure out how to be a better version of himself.  Not quite so self involved.  To talk less and listen more.  Anyway, I’m ridiculously excited to read the book.  Pretty sure I know which ‘Love Language’ I am, but will be super cool to see and, moreso, to find out what he thinks his is (I already know what his is).

 

On paper, Mr. England is the one for me.  My hormones tell me otherwise.  It’s not like I have to choose either anytime soon, so this post isn’t about that, but as I was sitting at coffee today with Mr. England, hating what he was wearing, loving our conversations and being way too amused by the panic I see in his eyes, I was wondering why I don’t want to jump him like I do every SINGLE time I see (or even think about) Mr. Out of Town.  The thought of Mr. England continuing to online date doesn’t bother me one bit.  No, seriously, it doesn’t.  We all know how much the thought of Mr. Out of Town continuing to date makes me insane.

 

Oh well, until push comes to shove, I will continue to see them both.  And let them fight over me.  Okay, that was WAY more self  confident that I would ever be.  It is kinda nice knowing that there are 2 men out there that think I’m pretty terrific though.  Who knew?

 

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is April 4, 2018

You remember Tinder guy, right?  The one that I hooked up with and then never expected to hear from again.  The one that texted me 2 weekends ago inviting me up to visit him in his hometown.  The one that was actually quite good in bed even though slightly overconfident.  He was a good time.  Nice and friendly and easy to be around.  Let’s be honest though, I needed to get laid.  And he obliged.

 

I heard from him today.  He again invited me to come see him.  Either in his home town or to meet him in a neighboring state where he would be on business.  As I have not one thing planned this coming weekend, I told him so.  I told him that I was all his for the weekend and if he flew me up to see him, there would be fun for all to be had.  He immediately backtracked.  Said he had his kids this weekend.  That he was in the middle of rugby season.  Uhm, so?  He then changed his tune to maybe just a lunchtime rendezvous next time he’s in town (2 weeks).  Huh.

 

What the fuck?  Did he expect for ME to buy my own plane ticket?  I think not.  If he does the inviting, then he also gets the pleasure of paying for my travel.  Makes it more whore-esque that way, don’t you think? 😉