He Made The Flight January 13, 2019

I KNOW! I’m just as surprised as everyone else! His flight to come visit me left at 6am.  2 hours from his home.  We all know how Mr. OoT loves to sleep.  When I found out that he was planning on NOT driving to the town the airport was in the night prior and staying in a hotel nearby and was instead planning on waking up at 2am and being on the road by 2:30am I instinctively knew he wouldn’t make the flight.  Much to my surprise and delight, he did!

 

He and his 15 year old son arrived to my 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom condo on the beach right on schedule.  To say it was cozy would be an understatement.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had feared though.  They were both respectful of their messes (they’re boys, after all) and even managed to put the toilet seat down almost ever time.  Besides stupidity, being late and a complete lack of patience for repeating myself, leaving the toilet seat up is pretty darn high on my list of pet peeves.

 

We had fun.  We ate some great food, bought every single Mexican blanket we could find and, after discovering that there’s a weird lack of pure vanilla extract in the states, bought up all we could find here so Mr. OoT could gift it to his sisters.  After their 6 day visit, I drove them 4 hours to the airport and overnighted in what turned out to be THE scariest hotel I could find.  I guess my sense of cheapness for paying for things that aren’t important needs to be shifted to include clean & safe hotels in non drug addled areas of town.  Go figure.

 

Mr. Oot is back at work and we talk multiple times a day.  He’s making changes.  Good ones.  While we’ll apparently always be polar opposites when it comes to anything religious, evolutionary or drug related, we are finding more ‘safe’ grounds and finally, after almost a year (holy shit, who thought it would last this long?), letting our walls down.  A little.  Any progress is still progress, right?

 

He’ll fly back down in about 5 weeks to help me pack up and drive the 1,200 miles home.  Sorry for being MIA.  My days here pretty much consist of sand, sun, seashells and sleeping in.  Who wants to hear about that? 😉

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Whatever THIS Is…. July 16, 2018

Mr. OoT likes to preface any discussion of ‘us’ by referring to our dating/relationship as ‘whatever THIS is that we’re doing’. It’s so weird. I know he says it that way for my benefit as he’s trying not to freak me out and cause me to run away, but c’mon.

He asked me the other day about steps. As in ‘the next step in whatever this is we’re doing’. He’s big on steps. I told him we could start by his NOT saying ‘whatever this is’ whenever he talks about ‘us’. He asked what he should categorize us as. Uhm, we’re dating. And unless he has someone on the side that I’m unaware of, we’re dating exclusively. Ergo, a relationship. Gasp! I could almost hear him grinning through the phone.

I asked him what he refers to me as to others. He said he calls me his amazing girlfriend. Good man. I call him by his name and say he’s the man I’m seeing. Boyfriend just doesn’t roll off the tongue normally for me at age 50.

Anywhoo, things are good. Although he opted to be away for work for 3 weeks this time instead of 2 without even thinking to mention it to me prior, he was completely open and engaged when I pointed out that most of our challenges happen when he’s away. He’s disconnected which, in turn, makes me disconnected. I asked what we could do to work on that and he suggested, all on his own, that even though we text multiple times a day, that we speak on the phone every 2 days. I thought that a great idea and promptly assumed he’d forget. So far, he makes sure to call me every 2 days…impressive.

My eyes were opened to a few things during his family’s visit. The opinionated, unwavering, opposing viewpointed man that he is now is actually an upgraded version on how he has been in the past. He even said to me ‘this is about as good as it gets. If you’re hoping for bigger changes, I’d appreciate you breaking up with me now as I’m getting very attached.”

Maybe it’s my viewpoint and expectations that need to change. People don’t change who they inherently are. He is who he is. It’s up to me to either adjust or not. He’s trying. He’s doing his best to make me happy. He is kind, good hearted and affectionate towards me. That’s a pretty good thing and I’m getting a little attached myself….

Drawers, Speeding Tickets, Parents & Time Lapses May 30, 2018

So I got the drawer.  He was uber cute about it.  To me, it’s just a drawer.  To him, it’s more of symbolic letterman’s jacket.  He’s admitted that he’s the ‘girl’ in the relationship and worries all the time about what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling, if I’m tired of him yet, etc….. Kinda endearing.  And kinda nice for me not to be the more neurotic of the two.  Kinda freaks me out though that he’s seemingly trying to fast forward whatever it is we have going on (more to come on this in another post as this one is already hodge podgey enough)

 

I met his parents this weekend.  Completely unplanned.  They invited us over for a BBQ on Monday.  Mr. OoT HATES his mother.  Apparently she was a horrible, horrible mom.  He’s not the only sibling to feel this way.  He refers to his mom as ‘his dad’s wife’ or the antichrist.  My mom was less than stellar so I get it.  He has nothing good to say about her.  I feel bad.  He loves his dad dearly though, so it’s a bit of a trade-off.  He warned me that his mom is passive aggressive and a bit of a hoarder.  She was actually fine.  A bit neurotic and awkward, but fine.  Even Mr. OoT said that she ‘kept her crazy tucked away pretty well.”  Anywhoo, I’m sure they loved me.  Everyone does.  HA!  I guess I’ll wait to hear what the report comes in as.  I think his hatred of his mom takes up a lot of space in his already overly crammed, never silent mind, so it would be great if he could find some sort of a middle ground.

 

Mr. OoT and I went to a hot springs on Monday evening.  It was okay.  I had grand ideas of how amazing sexy time would be in a private hot springs room.  Huh, not so much.  Firstly, trying to have sex in the water is a bit of a challenge (for many reasons).  Secondly, I guess I wanted the water temp a bit too high for my delicate flower of a man, so he was feeling a bit woozy.  He was SOOOO embarrassed.  I almost felt like shit.  Almost.  Oh well.

 

On the way back to his apartment, I was rewarded with a police car siren and flashing lights in my rear-view mirror.  Super, you can never have enough speeding tickets, right?  To be clear, I WAS speeding.  I usually do.  I like to get to where I’m going.  To also be clear, Mr. OoT HATES cops.  Probably as much as he hates his mother.  I could tell that he was getting all worked up, so I asked him to please not say anything when the policeman approached.  I was driving and it was my car after all.  The policeman came to the window and informed me that I was speeding.  I was polite and lied told him that I had my cruise control set at xx mph, so was confused.  Mr. OoT began to pop off and I had to shush him.  When the cop walked away to run my license, Mr. OoT began a litany of  reasons that cops suck.  I basically had to tell him to shut the fuck up; in a nice way, of course.  After the 3rd time of rewording my ‘shut the fuck up’, he finally did.  The cop let me off with a warning (to which I thanked him and Mr. OoT wasn’t happy that I did that) and we were on our merry way again.  It could have been worse.  I handled it well.  I was polite and respectful.  Mr. OoT was not.  I was pissed.  He could have gotten me (and himself) in a lot of trouble.  He is seemingly unable to harness his self righteous ideals about things when it comes to deciding the best way to handle a specific situation.  Concerning, to say the least.

 

All in all we had a fun 4 days.  I got home Tuesday morning.  It was a good time.  Although still being the flakey, bad memory having, peter pan (ish) guy that he always was, he’s also super sweet to me.  Stay tuned for the ‘fast forward’ and my impending (or not) freak out …………….

 

Turn Tables May 27, 2018

So during our multitude of talks on Friday night, Mr. OoT asked me if I’d ever want to get married. I swear I almost wet the bed. Why the fuck is he asking me that? This is the 3rd weekend we’ve spent together. While I am certainly hoping he didn’t mean it in a will you marry me, kinda way (#4, really?), it freaked me out a little. As I was facing away from him at the time (little spoon, ya’ know), he wasn’t privy to my deer in the headlights facial expression. I did my best to rebound from my shock and not get all weirded out by the question. I told him I guess it would depend on the circumstances. That I had always assumed, as young and ignorant girl (before way too many years of online dating jaded me) that I would get married. That I truly would like to experience the ceremony and symbolism of it all. That I, regardless of how UN women’s lib it is, feel like a bit of a failure for never being married at 50. I think having years of online nimrods asking me ‘what’s wrong with you’ when they find out that I’ve not been married to thank for at least a little of this. Fuckers. After my response to Mr. OoT, I promptly changed the subject.

Mr. OoT is SUPER into me. It’s absolutely not in my nature or lack of ego to ever say something like that, but he’s pretty open about it. He’s also very neurotic and nervous about it. He keeps telling me that he’ll totally understand that when (not if) I decide in 6 months that he’s too weird for me, he’ll understand. I asked him why he thinks he’s such an unloveable weirdo. If it’s a factor of his own doing or if he’s been told this by others. He wouldn’t answer. I’m guessing it’s a combination of the two.

I asked him how many time he’s been in love. His first response was to say ‘apparently never as nothing has ever worked out’. I told him what a sadly ridiculous answer that was. That you can absolutely be in love and not have things work out. We talked about it a bit more and he changed his answer to 4. I called bullshit on that one too. He’s been married 3 times for fuck sake.

I did something completely insane the other day and I still don’t know why. I’m not a FB stalker or a google searcher. If I want to know something about someone, I just ask. I completely FB stalked him. Like every single post back 2009. Insane. And time consuming, I might add. If that isn’t concerning enough, I actually went the extra step of screen shotting every single ‘I love you’, ‘you are my world’, and any other declaration of love to different women. I actually find it odd that these women all went out of their way to post weirdly ‘look at me and my man’ posts on FB instead of sending them directly to him, but as I was presently being a psycho, who am I to judge? Anywho, apparently 2011 was a big year for him. 4 different women, in fairly quick succession, were the recipients of his heart. Why the hell do I care what happened 7 years ago? No clue.

Best yet about all of this? I told him I did it. He asked me why. I couldn’t answer. He wanted to know if I did it to use against him in the future. Weird. No. He wanted to know if I was in the process of trying to sabotage things. Against my usual M.O., again a big NO. I told him that I think he’s in love with the idea of love. He said I was wrong. I assure you, I am not. Anywhoo, I do think something that bothers me are all the ‘baby’, ‘you’re amazing’ and other terminology that he uses with me. Why on earth, at his advanced age of 40 whatever, would I think that I’d be the 1st woman that he calls baby?

I do find it refreshing, if not foreign as hell, for me to be so open and comfortable with him. Sure, I’m still the same neurotic dumbass that I’ve always been, but I just tell him about all of it. And instead of thinking I’m a total mess, he does his best to make me feel better and let’s me know how much he appreciates my honesty as it makes him feel more secure in things knowing that I’m a weirdo too.

Snoring, Drawers & Weird Sisters May 26, 2018

His, not mine.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I have weird sisters as well.  His is just extra special weird.  When I was here last, she came over to talk to Mr. OoT and, as I was in the room and am a judgy bitch intuitive, she is one of those people that thrives on chaos.  Self created, self defeating chaos.  Although having a good heart, I found her exhausting to be around.  Her energy was uber draining.  In an attempt to do something nice for her as I don’t think she’s familiar with random people being kind to her, I brought her a gift this time around.  We had spoken a bit about my love of crystals and she said she believe in the powers of them as well.  I selected a Rose Quartz for her.  If anyone ever needed one, it’s her.  So I brought it with me and gave it to her yesterday when she stopped by and she made it so FUCKING WEIRD.  I have no idea what her deal was, but it was super off putting.  She said thank you, but she didn’t mean it.  I’m not really one to give people more than a couple chances (unless they’re totally inappropriate men), and as this was strike number 2, I’m going to do my best to avoid her in the future.  The fact that she just couldn’t say thank you and move on was just annoying.  As Mr. OoT has a BIG family and I’m not the only one to find this sister draining and exhausting, I don’t feel so bad.  Well, I kinda do, but hell if I’m going to go out of my way to be nice to someone that I don’t vibe with.  I tried.  I failed. Moving on.

 

Now about this snoring.  Holy hell, it’s an issue.  A big one.  After 4 rounds of sexy time with Mr. OoT yesterday, momma needs her sleep.  That just doesn’t happen.  I have never heard anything so loud.  Like wake the dead loud.  As an added bonus, he’s a thrasher as well.  On the off times that his foghorn downgrades to just breathing loudly, he usually thrashes around.  Big time.  I would seriously pay big money to be able to tell what goes on in his brain when he sleeps.  Honestly, I have no clue how HE is even able to sleep with all that noise an thrashing.

 

After deciding to get some sleep at 2:48 am (not bad for an old fart, eh?), I finally gave up at 5:30am.  Lovely.  I have this awesome tracker bracelet (a gift from said snoring wonder) that also tracks sleep.  Not just in amount, but in quality.  It breaks it down into deep sleep and light sleep.  I am presently typing you all on a whopping 46 minutes of deep sleep.  No bueno.  I see an exhaustion migraine coming on at any moment.  If anyone has any suggestions for me short of smothering him with a pillow (which I have considered several times), please share.

 

Anywhoo, yesterday was fun.  It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him.  I like him.  Plain and simple.  He’s morphing a bit into a different version of himself from the one that I initially met.  He’s still every bit as defiantly non conformist/hippie tree hugger as he ever was and I’d never want that to change.  People need to be true to who they are.  He still has wildly different views on things than I do.  He still thinks I’m an uber square.   He is just more respectful; less self involved.  Hell, he even puts the toilet seat down!  Not a small kindness for a lot of men.  The more time I spend with him, the more I like him.

 

Oh, and that elusive drawer that he was going to dedicate to me?  He actually did!  And it’s charming as hell just HOW proud he is of this.  He asked me last night, when we were talking about just about everything under the sun, how I felt about having a drawer in his place.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that, to me, it’s just a drawer.  He sees it as a BIG token.  Like the dresser version of giving me his letter-man jacket.  So sweet.

Were There Men Even On Board? May 24, 2018

So. Much. Fun. So. Many. Cocktails. Got back Sunday from my 3 day whirlwind cruise. So glad I went. Even though the ‘jr suite’ that I shared with 2 friends was more like a ‘not so much jr suite’ and I slept on this odd folded out futon like couch thing (diagonally, might I add as it was uber short and I am not), I had a blast.

There were 13 of us in all. And about 6 of that 13 were all about the drama. Tears, tantrums and rudeness included. I successfully avoided it all. And spent most of my time at the bar. Every bar. My ‘core group’ all got the ‘unlimited drinks’ package and, as it’s not really unlimited and is instead limited to 15 drinks per day (boo Carnival), it was an unwritten agreement to try and reach our limit each day. #lifegoals. Sadly, and surprisingly considering we started drinking at 9am each day, I never actually hit 15. Apparently I’m lame. Or just a cheaper date than I used to be.

The laughter was plentiful, the drinks strong, the re-bonding of friendships awesome. The only thing that could have made the experience better would be an in board hook up. Sorry friends, I broke my vacation fling streak.

There weren’t many cute singles on board. There were lots of younger men with ironic man buns though. No thank you. I heard, on night #1 that there was a group of age appropriate hotties spotted in the dining room, but I was not alerted. Damn greedy bitches. I do think I spotted them the next night when they all walked past me on formal night. They were every bit as attractive as I’d heard. There was even a tall nerdy one with glasses just for me. Sadly, and inexplicably, my inner social retard took over and instead of making eye contact when he looked directly at me and smiled, I looked at the ground. WTF?!?! I have no clue what happened. I would normally switch directions and follow them (is it really stalking if it’s just me?), but I totally drew a blank and brain farted on what little game I have left. Eh, oh well, at least they were pretty to look at, however briefly.

I am back home, missing my friends terribly, still awaiting my room service coffee to be delivered to my room and, for some strange reason, am unable to locate the buffet. Damn reality….

Bad Decisions on the High Seas May 16, 2018

This weekend I am off for a girls’ trip aboard a shitty little cruise ship to a shitty little destination. I sound excited, right? Well, I am. If only because my FOMO kicked in and I truly miss my friends that I moved away from almost a year ago. When they all told me about the trip, my thoughts ranged from ‘that sounds like a horrible idea’, to ‘seriously? a 3 day cruise? who does that?’ to ‘damn, I’m going to be missing out’. As I am still not working (or looking, for that matter), I absolutely should not be going. Oh lookie there, my financial decisions are just as good as my romantic ones! I’m going. Fuck it.

All of the women going on the trip are single. Heaven help any men aboard the ship as more than a few of us are a bit boy crazy. Although you will all agree that I am kind of pre-occupied with finding someone of the opposite sex, compared to several of my friends I’m a complete amateur in that regard. No, really. I actually forsee arm-wrestles over anyone attractive. There will be shoving, tripping, running and all forms of mahem. Haven’t actually decided if I will be participating. Kinda think not.

In true Grey Goose form, of the 10 of us going, I only really care about my ‘core’ group of 4. The rest are just filler. And sort of annoying. The riff raff (kidding!) are planning a big excursion in one of the ports that will take up most of the day. I, true to form, will be forgoing that less than appealing option to stay on board and drink. And tan. And ogle the crew (yes, I’m THAT girl, stop acting surprised). Because my tribe is awesome, they are staying on board with me!

I am looking forward to a terrific trip reconnecting with friends, drinking WAY too much, eating WAY too much, acting a bit immature (go figure) and laughing WAY WAY too much. Can there ever be too much laughter though? I think not.

Mr. OoT is not thrilled that I am going on this trip and has already requested that if I do hook up with anyone, to NOT tell him. As I don’t forsee that even happening, it’s a moot point. Kinda cute that he’s worried though. As a little bonus to this post and because I have offered no real updates on him lately, Mr. OoT is out of town again working. I won’t see him for 10 more days. He has already told me that he misses me, that he wishes we could see each other more often and that *silence for the suspense* he is going to pick out a drawer for me in his room. A whole drawer! Just for me! 😉 Oh, and he also mentioned that he hid his online profile…….

What A Weekend, Part 1 April 17, 2018

And no, before anyone goes and gets excited about anything, I don’t mean ‘what an amazing weekend’. It’s actually been quite the opposite.

Last you heard, Mr. OoT was giving me the silent treatment. He opted to end the silence with a phone call. A phone call consisting of a prepared speech coming at me with both barrels. Uh, what the hell did I do? Apparently it was 2 fold. He had seen an IG pic I posted wishing a friend’s son a happy birthday. It was a cute pic of the 2 of us with a funny, inside joke caption about his being the start of most Sunday Funday bad decisions. Totally innocuous to me as he’s a whopping 28 years old, looks about 18 and he, his mom & I go Sunday Funday drinking more than we should (in frequency AND volume consumed). Mr. OoT saw the pic and caption and assumed I was seeing him. Instead of just asking me about the photo he spent the day stewing and creating scenarios in his head.

The next thing he did was log onto Plenty of Fish. Nope, not to look for women, but to check my profile and see when I was on last. For god knows what reason, POF said I was on 2 days prior and he assumed (wrongly) that I was still dating around. I haven’t been. I haven’t been on there since before I went to see Mr. OoT. Btw, he knew about Mr. England. I called him and told him after I broke things off. He said he felt bad for Mr. England, but was happy to hear it. I stopped short of telling Mr. OoT that he was the only one I was interested in seeing, but figured he knew.  My bad.

Anyway, after the little phone tirade, I corrected Mr. OoT on all issues. It was a pretty intense call for many reasons. It seemed like he was trying to end things, but after talking it out all seemed okay. I even asked if we were good and he said yes, we were.

Or so he said………

Sunday Thoughts April 8, 2018

I swear he doesn’t mean to come off so creepy (or maybe he does), but I think I’m going to need to ask Mr. England about his overuse of emojis and uber disconcerting text messages. Oh, and why the hell he doesn’t use his tongue when kissing. I have that one narrowed down to a few possibilities:

1) He’s a germaphobe

2) He doesn’t know any better

3) No one has ever told him how weird it is

I have a feeling that if we ever do sleep together that he will

1) make me shower 1st

2) not be very creative

3) minimal foreplay 😦

Anyway, he sent me a text last night. I had told him that I have a migraine. He sent back:

Aww, poor baby. I wish I was there to rub your temples (and other things) *string of weird emojis*

See what I mean? I know, I know. You’re all wondering why I continue to see him if I feel this way. Guess I’m waiting to discover if there is something I’m missing? I want to give him the chance to prove me wrong? I want to make sure it’s not just Mr. Out of Town clouding my judgement?

We are going to the movies on Wednesday night, so I guess we’ll see. Not really a fan of movie dates, but assuming he feels it is the best way to get to grope me?

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is April 4, 2018

You remember Tinder guy, right?  The one that I hooked up with and then never expected to hear from again.  The one that texted me 2 weekends ago inviting me up to visit him in his hometown.  The one that was actually quite good in bed even though slightly overconfident.  He was a good time.  Nice and friendly and easy to be around.  Let’s be honest though, I needed to get laid.  And he obliged.

 

I heard from him today.  He again invited me to come see him.  Either in his home town or to meet him in a neighboring state where he would be on business.  As I have not one thing planned this coming weekend, I told him so.  I told him that I was all his for the weekend and if he flew me up to see him, there would be fun for all to be had.  He immediately backtracked.  Said he had his kids this weekend.  That he was in the middle of rugby season.  Uhm, so?  He then changed his tune to maybe just a lunchtime rendezvous next time he’s in town (2 weeks).  Huh.

 

What the fuck?  Did he expect for ME to buy my own plane ticket?  I think not.  If he does the inviting, then he also gets the pleasure of paying for my travel.  Makes it more whore-esque that way, don’t you think? 😉

Protected: So Here We Sit…. March 26, 2018

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No Peeking March 11, 2018

So it’s March 11th. I declared on March 9th that I was taking the month off from online aggravation dumbasses disappointments dating. That I wasn’t going to even check my messages. Ha. Declarations be damned. I checked my messages yesterday. And kinda wish I hadn’t. Gah, not ONE of the new guys that messaged me excited me. Truth be told, none of the men that I had been messaging with excited me either.

I know I declared I would only date guys that I wasn’t insanely attracted to, but damn. Just a smidge of excitement would be good.

Today consisted of a complete muscle-head who had to mention working out in every single f*ing sentence. When I called him out on it, he defended himself by explaining why he is so obsessed with it. Good reason or not, an obsession is an obsession. Oh, and he thinks female body builders are sexy *gag*. No thanks.

The next is a ‘therapist’. Oh yey! I could use some free therapy. He asked for my number and assuming he would text me, I gave it to him. Nope, he called. Within about 4 seconds. What ensued was the most painful 20 minutes of awkward, stilted, silence ridden conversations of my life. I just wasn’t feeling it. Oh, and when I asked him about his practice, he clarified. He’s not a ‘therapist’; he’s a massage therapist. And I’m probably the only woman in the world that isn’t excited by that tidbit.

I could go on to share the other ‘gems’, but I’m just too damned annoyed at this point. Carry on with your Sunday….

Night One March 1, 2018

A 28 year old. Go me. In theory. Got here this afternoon. Immediately proceeded to a friend’s condo for a beer. It went downhill from there. By downhill, I mean heading to the bar and proceeding to drink with friends for the next 7 hours and having a fucking blast.

We met some 20 somethings here on a bachelor weekend (let’s keep in mind that I am a semi ancient 50. Damn). No shit. Shots were had, drinks were had, 20 somethings on a bachelor trip were had. It was damn fun.

I decided to have some extra fun. I gave one of the kids my number. What transpired were hours of awkward texts from him. Like an insecure eager puppy. It was cute. My friends and I proceeded to respond to him (as me, of course). I told him to come over. He did. What happened next was a sped up version of the most selfish ‘session’ ever.

He was cute and hard bodied and half my age. He was every bit as selfish as I remember 20 year olds to be. He had the weirdest energy about him when he showed up. Eh, what did I care?

It was over way too soon and off he went. While fun for the short time that it lasted, not sure it was worth the effort of getting undressed.

I’ve got 5 more days left of vacay. Oh, and all of those ‘watching eyes’ that I was afraid of? They all rooted me on….

I love Mexico

Alright, Alright One More February 20, 2018

Look, it’s not like I went trolling for him. He just appeared. He messaged me several months ago and was randomly telling me about an article he was reading that made him cry. Mmmmk. I don’t know what sort of response he was expecting from me, but I ended up telling him he was a tad too sensitive for me.

He apparently didn’t like that, so wanted to show me what a good guy he is by telling me about a family barbeque he went to with a girl he had gone out with once before. Uhm……. This was her family. Apparently all anyone did was argue so he ran around and played peacemaker. I told him I would have just run away. He got all butt hurt at that.

I haven’t heard from him since. As I was feeling blue tonight and more than a little disillusioned by my prospects, he timed his invite just right, so I agreed. Hah! I am meeting him at a bar I don’t like, 2 hours later than I usually meet, with a band that plays classic rock. As I am all about ’80s 1 hit wonder bands, this can’t end well…..

No clue why I do this…….