43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

And Off He Goes February 22, 2018

So he who still doesn’t have a blog name leaves for vacation today. He’ll be back in 10 days. I won’t. I don’t leave until next week and won’t be back until the 2nd week in March.

Seems like weird timing to meet someone. While I have never believed in ‘bad timing’ and always thought of it as an excuse (unless, of course, you’re about to be imprisoned or deported), maybe that’s what this is.

Our texting has been pretty surface lately. As my new dating coach, Matthew Hussey (seriously, check him out; he knows his shit and is HOT) suggested, I have not been the one to initiate texts. I have not been the needy one. I have not ‘tested’ the situation.

Tonight Mr Vacation (oh, look who just got assigned a completely unimaginative blog name) sent a text apologizing for being incommunicado and kinda bleh the past couple of days. As it was completely unprompted, it was nice. Hey, maybe this shit works! Normally I would completely validate him and not want him to feel bad so would normally excuse everything. As I’m trying to embrace a new normal, all I said was that I appreciated his apology. And then I did something I normally wouldn’t do for fear of sounding needy or *gasp* letting him know I was interested. I told him that I wished that we could have gotten together before he left. Nope, wasn’t even guilt trippy or passive aggressive. It was just a statement and I left it at that.

He responded right back with another apology and saying he wished we could have gotten together as well, but that he just sort of ran out of time. While the old Grey would get all gushy and forgiving and let him off the hook because ‘look! he likes me!’, the new Grey isn’t so sure. He did have time to see me. He had time to see friends. He just didn’t prioritize seeing me and has, in fact, now run out of time.

Maybe we’ll chat while he’s gone, maybe we won’t. I’m not going to initiate anything and I’m not going to worry about it. I’m going to enjoy the hell out of my own damn vacation! Of course I won’t completely write him off as I do think he’s a good guy, but I will pay attention to what he does when I return.

Let’s face it. I don’t really know this guy. We’ve only met once. We’ve since exchanged about 400 text messages. Who knows what will happen. Here’s the difference between old & (hopefully) new Grey; I know what I want and what I deserve. I don’t need to make everything so easy by making myself so available. No, that doesn’t mean I need or want to make things difficult either. It just means I’ll pay attention and while I can ‘mirror’ his effort, I will not do all the work.

Now, while I never lie to others, we all know that I’m pretty damn good at lying to myself, so I guess we’ll see…..


Dodging Bullets February 21, 2018

Filed under: aura,bad dates,bumble,dating,driking,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting,tinder — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:39 pm

Or, more accurately, ‘Thank Fucking God’.  I’m sure I’ve written many (many) posts with this same title in my decade of online dating.  Sometimes the universe looks out for me.  Mostly though, it just likes to fuck with me.  This time it was the former.

Sooooo, my date that I had set up for tomorrow night; the one with the guy that I had messaged with over the summer.  The one with the guy that overshares about all the feels.  The one that got pissed at me when we 1st messaged all those months ago and did the online equivalent of stomping off in a huff because he felt I wasn’t responding to his messages quickly enough.  Yeah, that one.

To be clear, when I am not overly excited about someone (or even if I am), I am not available 24/7 to immediately respond to messages from guys online.  My response time is further delayed if their questions are annoying.  I almost always respond the same day.  Usually within an hour.  I will admit, that if/when I’m having a senior moment, I may actually forget.  That happens pretty rarely.  I will usually respond as soon as I see the message.  Contrary to popular belief, I am not constantly glued to my phone or computer.  No, really.

So, Mr Feelings messaged me late last night with a stupendous ‘Hope you’re having a great day’.  Which, by the way, doesn’t even make sense to send that at 10pm at night unless he thinks I’m a vampire and my day is just starting.  As I’m not a big fan of going onto Plenty of Fish late night as apparently it signals every single unsavory to message me, I responded this morning.  With an exceptionally bland, yet nice ‘My day was terrific, thank you.  I hope you have a terrific day!’

As I’m sitting at my pedicure today, I get a notification that he messaged me.  You can imagine my excitement.  By the time I actually checked to read his message an hour later, he had already blocked me.  WTF?!  As the idiot had to go the extra mile of sending a message before doing so, I was still able to look it up in my received messages file.  The big baby had sent “I’m cancelling our date tomorrow night as I feel that if you’re going to meet someone, you should want to find out about them”.  Uhm, what the holy fuck is he talking about?  We were meeting tomorrow night.  And we’d already messaged ad nauseam 1st time around.

Wanna know the saddest part of all of this?  Well, besides the fact that I don’t much care that he cancelled and blocked me?  The fact that I couldn’t respond back! Damn.


Taking the Day Off

Yes, it’s true. Although I seem to have made a part time career out of online dating (a low paying, non OSHA approved, un-fulfilling, benefit free one), I am taking the day off. Yes, you read that right. No dates scheduled for today. I am using my accumulated dating PTO to sit around, bra-less, while watching men’s team speed skating (damn, what amazing thighs they have) on my Roku. I wouldn’t be getting dressed at all today if it weren’t for the 3pm pedicure appointment that I have today. Although my feet have been in crammed into boots for the past 2 months, I need pretty toes for the beach next week. That’s right, I’m headed to my happy place next week.

What else am I doing with my sloth-like day of nothing? Well, I’ll be starting a new book. One that supposedly gives good advice on dating. Advice on the differences between men and women. All wrapped up with a not so veiled dash of cynicism and snark. I have watched u tube channels, read books, subscribed to e mails and just about every other avenue that dating coaches use to reach the masses. Inevitably though, I choose to ignore it all and do what I want. We all know how well that works out for me. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time I’ll pay attention. Probably not, but let’s be honest; when you need answers to life’s challenges, why would you look any further than a dating book written by a Real Housewives of New York?

As she’s still single, I’m doubtful 😉


I’ve Done Something

Something that may either be a good idea or the worst idea on the planet. Something that my friends are split between wanting to smack me in the head for or cheer me on for. Something that may end my week on a high note or may just ruin everything. Something that I am surprised by, but trying not to get excited about. Something that I have the next 3 days to worry about, overthink, get excited about, obsess about and generally run through every single possible ‘what if’ about.

I am going to embrace my long forgotten 2018 mantra of leaving shit up to the universe and not always being a neurotic shit show when it comes to things I want. What could possibly go wrong???


Harleys, Kids & Pizza February 19, 2018

Filed under: bad dates,brunch,bumble,dating,driking,internet dating,online dating,single,texting,tinder — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:05 pm

Sunday was pizza date guy. The one who invited me to meet he and his adult kids. Call me crazy, but I assumed he was new to online dating and wanted backup should I turn out to be some hideously offensive monster. I’m not, btw. 😉

He shows up, sans kids and was nervous as hell. He looked mostly like his pics, but I could tell right off the bat that we weren’t going to be a good match. He was nice as can be, but uber naive and a bit back-woodsy. Online dating scares him. The internet scares him. His new fangled non flip phone scares him. He likes to hunt. And fish. And camp. And live off the land. Uhm, not really my thing as I consider a 12 year old Holiday Inn with sketchy internet ‘roughing it’. He doesn’t travel, is pretty religious & doesn’t drink. While none of these are bad things, they just aren’t my thing.

He was all in and very complimentary, but we have absolutely nothing in common. And he doesn’t have a car. And wore overalls. As for his kids that bailed on being his backup? They texted him to ask if I was a dude. Apparently they had regaled him with stories of online dating ‘bait and switch’. Nice.

And so ends this quarter’s string of dates. For those of you keeping track: 15 1st dates in 45 days is apparently my limit. Actually, to be more specific, 2 good first dates, 3 BAD 1st dates, 10 ‘meh’ 1st dates, 1 2nd date that was more of a booty call than date, I meltdown, 2 midgets and countless left & right swipes. Yup. Time for a mini break….


Am I Wrong?

Filed under: bumble,dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting,tinder,Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:34 am

So here is where I stand (or sit, as the case may be). I had a decent/good lunch with Red last week. He has texted a few times, but solely at night to see if I’m drunk enough to come over check in. Haven’t heard from him in a couple days, but am not too worried about it as he has made his intentions clear. Guess it’s not the worst thing in the world to have a booty call in my back pocket, but considering I haven’t kissed him, who knows if I even want him on top of me (or me him, as the case might be). Meh.

I am meeting a (seemingly) nice man this afternoon as I couldn’t pass up his somewhat awesomely chill ‘care to grab a slice of pizza with me and my (grown) kids this weekend?’ Who know if the kids will actually be there to protect dad from the random Tinder woman that he just invited for pizza, but I guess we’ll see.

The real conundrum, which is quickly turning into more of an annoyance, is the date from Thursday night that has yet to receive a blog name (wait, should I take that as a sign?). We text back and forth every day. He ‘good morning’s me every day. We chatter about everything and nothing and he makes reference to seeing me again while not actually saying he wants to see me again. Example: he purchased a ‘spare’ truck. I joked that I was excited for him to schlep shit around for me. He said it wasn’t schlep worthy yet, but when it was, he would gladly be my schlepper. Whatevs. He leaves town in 4 days (3 by the time I post this). I leave town in 8. That leaves us with a good 2 weeks with no possibility of seeing each other.

While texts are cool and all, I have to wonder. What. The. Fuck? The weekend has just come and gone and he has filled me in on his escapades with friends. Don’t get me wrong, I had escapades as well, but would have gladly cancelled or stopped by after to see him. No invitation was made to do so. No invitation has been made to see him before he leaves town. I kinda just want to send a ‘so, am I going to see you before you leave’ to him, but my pride/immaturity/bitchiness firmly believes that it’s HIS responsibity.

I’m getting annoyed. And losing interest. If we don’t get together before he leaves town, I doubt my interest will last the next 2 weeks. I haven’t even kissed the guy yet. Do I want to keep messaging with a guy that could potentially be a shitty kisser?

I’m uber annoyed right now…..


Favorite Day of the Year February 15, 2018

Filed under: bumble,dating,internet dating,online dating,single,texting,tinder — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:31 pm

Well, that would be Thursday, February 15th!  For whatever reason, the universe has decided to take pity on me and reward me for all of my disappointing, annoying, disheartening, bullshit, doesn’t look like his photo, can’t hold a conversation, awkward silence filled, cringe worthy, miniaturized dates.  Maybe not for the entirety of my stellar online dating career, but certainly for my stellar (read: not so stellar) online dating career for 2018.

We all know I had a decent lunch date today.  Who has proceeded to send me suggestive text messages throughout the remainder of the day.  Guess what folks?  While a bit entertaining and nice that he likes me, it’s not uber flattering to know that he likes my vagina (or the thought of my vagina) best of all.  I ‘get’ the whole Tinder thing.  Still not sure if it’s ‘my’ thing though.

Tonight I met someone that I have been messaging with for about a week.  Much to my delight, he looked just like his photos.  He was smart and interesting and funny and polite.  Sadly, he didn’t look at me much while talking.  Is this a new thing? It makes me very self conscious and leads me to believe the the guys aren’t interested.  We had drinks and stayed chatting for 2.5 hours.  Huh.  Kind of a record.  I was good and only had 2 drinks so as not to replay my shitshow of NYE.  He was cool to talk to (and handsome to boot), but I just assumed he wasn’t into me.  As we left, I asked him which way he was parked.  He was the opposite direction of me.  No, for real this time.  He offered to walk me to my car.  Gotta love chivalry.  No attempt at a kiss or hand hold or any sign of interest.  I’m the one that gave him a hug and thanked him for a nice evening.  He then tells me that he had a really good time and asks me if I’d like to see him again.  What?!?!? Locking date #2 down DURING date #1?  Unheard of in my world.  I probably grinned like an idiot and said I’d love to.  He sent me a text saying what a good time he’d had, told me to sleep well and said he’d talk to me tomorrow.  Huh.  Alrighty then.

As a bonus, a nice man that I have been chatting lightly with, who is new to town, sent me a message asking if I’d like to meet he and his kids (calm down, they’re almost 30) for pizza this weekend.  Probably the nicest, most respectful and low key invitation ever.  Of course I said yes!

I had decided earlier today that today was going to be my last day for online douchebaggery for the month and then the universe rewards me with not one, not two, but THREE seemingly decent dates.  This can’t end well ;-)…….but I am excited to see how it goes!