43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Does Not Remembering Really Mean It Didn’t Happen? June 15, 2018

Filed under: aura,dating,internet dating,karma,mexico,Mr. OoT,texting,Uncategorized,vacation — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:51 am

In true to “I’m a guy” form, I heard from Mr. OoT the next morning after his curt ‘goodnight’ mid Hairdresser discussion as if everything was hunky dory and nothing had happened. Not sure why he does this. Not sure why I allow it to happen. There’s nothing more frustrating than leaving a discussion unresolved. At least for me. For him, it apparently never even happened. Must be nice…..

I’m annoyed right now. I DO like him. He’s kind and generous and funny and smart and has a really good heart buried under all his bullshit. He makes me feel pretty and special and talks of the future. He also has a pretty pronounced misogynistic side to him. Maybe misogyny is too strong a word; selfish? Self absorbed? Although he has told me 3 times now how closed minded I am (always, btw, in regards to his f*ing love of weed), it is actually he who is unable to see things from a different point of view. His interests come first. Although he will ask me what I want to do, watch on tv, eat, whatever, he always defaults to what he wants. He assumes everyone views the world (or should) as he does. For a smart man, he’s kinda dumb in this regard.

I’m feeling kinda disconnected at the moment. We all know that when I don’t feel connected, I get bored. And my mind wanders. Part of the fun of being in a long distance relationship with someone who apparently is incapable of having a serious discussion over the phone is that nothing gets resolved. By fun, I of course mean bullshit. Everything gets left for in person discussions. This takes away from our ‘us’ time and puts a damper on the whole thing, so I usually just let things go. It’s a bit of a double-edged sword. Apparently he’s fine with never getting anything resolved (bonus for him to never be called out on his bullshit). Not so great for me.

He’s mid 2-week stint right now. He will be back in town next Thursday. I leave town for a week on Wednesday. That means 2 more weeks before I see him again. We haven’t spoken much in the past few days. Him because he’s exhausted, me because I’m annoyed. How do we resolve something that one of us doesn’t even view as a problem? I’ve mentioned before about his horrific memory. I attribute that to his misogyny as well. If it doesn’t interest him or he doesn’t view it as important, it doesn’t get remembered. Being able to count on someone is a big thing for me. I don’t know that I can count on him. This is a man who only eats once a day and who I have to remind that I get hungry and need to be fed more than that. It’s kind of weird. And annoying. He’s the least self-aware person that I know. I am one of the most. It boggles my mind that someone so seemingly smart not only doesn’t own their shit, but doesn’t even realize that they have shit to own.

Anywhoo, back to not being able to count on him in the simplest of examples. I fly back into town on the 27th. He has offered to drive the 2 hours from his town to pick me up at the airport and then stay the night at my place. He has also told me that I will need to remind him. What the fuck? Write it down for shit’s sake. I think he’ll forget. I actually plan on him forgetting so instead of ubering to the airport and being assured that he’ll be there, a week later, to pick me up with open arms and a bouquet of flowers (ha), I am driving myself so that my car will be there for when he doesn’t show. Am I being too hard on him? Maybe. Am I expecting too much? Possibly. Has his past non efforts at follow through given me reason to be dubious? Hell yes they have. Not sure what to do. This is not a good week. Boo.

We are pretty great in person. Long distance, not so much …….

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We Should All Be Bald June 12, 2018

Filed under: aura,dating,internet dating,karma,Mr. OoT,online dating,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:08 pm

Well, everyone but me.  I can’t even pull off short hair, so I shudder to think what I’d look like with NO hair.  My thinking behind this is that if we were all bald, there would be no need for hairdressers.  No disrespect meant to the hairdressers of the world, of course.  There is just  one in particular that I could do without though.

 

So the ‘go ahead and ignore the letter I wrote you’ text that The Hairdresser sent Mr. OoT that last weekend should garner Mr. OoT an Academy Award.  He acted so befuddled.  He was convinced that she was texting the wrong person and that it wasn’t actually him she was thinking she was texting.  Ha fucking ha.  It was.  And he knew it.

 

Let’s be clear.  I have trust issues.  Almost every man I’ve been involved with has either lied to me or cheated on me.  I think I’m allowed a bit of cynicism at this point.  Let’s be clear on something else.  IF Mr. OoT did, in fact, hook up with The Hairdresser, that’s one thing.  IF Mr. OoT did, in fact hook up with The Hairdresser and is lying to me about not doing it, that’s a whole other ball game.

 

We were not ‘official’ until a couple of weeks ago.  Oh wait, did I forget to tell you all that?  Yes, I’m apparently now going steady.  Just me, my dog, my trust issues, Mr. OoT, his weed, his lies and his amazing hands.  Go me.  Anywhoo, he was well within his right to hook up with whomever he wanted.  Sure, I wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but it wasn’t (and isn’t) my place to say.  So back to that letter.  It arrived.  When Mr. OoT told me about it, my first question was ‘how the hell does she know your address?’  And he says that he must have given it to her.  I then point out that that’s weird and no one actually gives out addresses to someone they supposedly only saw twice unless she was coming over.  He says it’s not weird and that everyone does it.  Uhm, no.  No they don’t.  So the conversation goes on and he flat out denies ever hooking up with her.  That she has ever been to his place.  Then he says he has no idea how she got his address.  Wait.  You just said that you gave it to her and that it’s a completely normal thing to do.  Yeah.  Great.  I don’t think he fully realizes that I’m smarter than he is (sorry, but it’s true) and I remember details and conversations.  I realize when someone is contradicting themselves (doesn’t really take a rocket scientist this time, now does it).

 

As soon as he realized what was happening, he flipped everything and started asking me what I was doing.  Why I was grilling him.  Why I was trying to create issues.  I told him that I was only trying to get clarity on something that had been bothering me.  He said the conversation was going to shit and that he was hanging up.  Nice.  Like trying to have a conversation with a 12 year old who has just realized that he’s wrong.  And tripping over his own lies.

 

So here’s a little list that I’ve compiled (yey! a list!) of my reasons behind believing he DID hook up with her.  Again, it’s not the actual hookup, it’s the lying about it.

1) He deleted the 1st text she sent him when I was there.  I’m guessing it started either with a term of endearment or had some other incriminating content.

2) He admitted that she had sent him photos.  He claims they were only of her legs, but I doubt it.  Mr. OoT is a HUGE fan of pics and is very open and annoying about asking for them.  Always.

3) She knew his address

4) If they really only went out twice, like he claims, and never even kissed, why the hell is she writing him a letter?

5) One of her text messages asked ‘do I have anything to worry about’.  I completely take this to mean that they slept together and someone didn’t use protection.

6) I found a tube of flourescent green body paint on his windowsill last time I was there that I don’t think has been there always.  He said it was from his ex girlfriend.  From 6 months ago.

7) He did admit that they had been texting.  All since deleted.

8) When she cut his hair 2 weeks ago and hit on him, he gave the excuse of being busy instead of telling her he was seeing someone.  When I asked why he didn’t just tell her, he said that he wasn’t sure that I’d want to be exclusive.  (dumb fucker was apparently not wanting to burn that bridge ‘just in case’?)

I can’t get him to understand that it’s the dishonesty and not the actual hookup that I’m annoyed with.  His argument is ‘do you really think we still have something going on?’  Well no, of course I don’t.  I know he is SUPER into me.  I know he probably thinks that if I find out now that he did hookup with her and didn’t tell me, that I will leave.  That how on earth can he confess now that he’s already denied it all?

 

Let me say this again for the cheap seats: I HATE BEING LIED TO.  How am I not to assume that if you lie to me about one thing, that you aren’t lying to me about everything?  I know I need to let it go.  He texted this morning like nothing happened.  I haven’t brought it up again.  He doesn’t realize that without getting this settled, that The Hairdresser will now always sit in the back of my mind and cause me to question what he tells me in the future.  Since he completely shuts down when he feels he’s ‘losing’, it’s impossible to talk to him about anything that might upset him.  This is a huge concern to me as well.  We are, for all intents and purposes, in a long distance relationship.  If I can’t talk to him about anything that might make him uncomfortable, how is this going to work?

 

All this being said, he is a good guy.  He has a good heart.  He’s very kind and generous to and with me.  Does one potential lie about a hookup prior to us declaring exclusivity cancel all of this out?  I don’t know.  Dammit.

 

 

Feral Cats June 4, 2018

Filed under: dating,internet dating,karma,Mr. OoT,online dating,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:01 am

I can’t believe I was only with Mr. OoT for 2 days over the weekend.  SO MUCH happened.  Not all of it good.  When I had left to see him on Friday, I was concerned that he was trying to fast track everything.  He’s overly effusive in how he feels about me (mixed with an awesome and very funny dash of direct hits on my bullshit) and I was worried that he was already planning our wedding.  Thankfully I was wrong.  One of the best things about Mr. OoT is that we can talk.  About anything.  And we usually do.  One of the worst things about him (besides his HORRIBLE memory and love of psychadelics) is that he’s a complete hottie.  No, really.  While he’s a damn pleasure to look at, this also means that he’s a hot property in town.  As in women are constantly throwing themselves at him (heretofore known as ‘throwing their cat at him’…..think about it)

 

Mr. OoT got a haircut on Tuesday.  Remember The Hairdresser?  Yeah, he went to her.  I had told him that I was okay with it.  It was just a haircut after all, right?  Little did I know ……. anyway, she apparently hit on him the entire time.  He, in his desire to be Mr. Nice Guy and apparently emulate TD to a fucking T, didn’t just tell her that he was seeing someone or not interested.  He didn’t want to hurt her feelings.  He just told her he was ‘busy’ when she asked him out.  She then asked him out for 2 weeks from now when he gets back from his work trip.  Again, he said he was busy.  And that was that.  Or he thought.

 

As he was telling  me about the haircut and cat throwing and thinking it was a done deal, I assured him that he would be hearing from her again.  Like a fucking alert went off in the universe, he received a text message from her within 60 seconds of me saying that.  Although I asked to see the text and asked him what it said, he deleted it.  Uhm, what the fuck?  Of course that sent huge red flags off in my head.  Why would he do that unless he had something to hide?  I told him as much and that it was a stupid thing to do as now I was pretty sure there was something incriminating in it that he didn’t want me to see.  he assured me there wasn’t.  He was pissed that she texted him.   He sent back that he ‘liked someone else’.  A complete teenage response if you ask me, but whatever.  What ensued was at least 5 more text messages from her.  About how much she likes him.  About a letter that she wrote him (what the fuck? how does she know where he lives?)

 

It was actually weird.  The messages made no sense (he let me see the ones after the 1st).  Mr. OoT was convinced that she had him mixed up with someone else and was texting the wrong person.  I, of course, was convinced that he was lying to me.  I asked him directly if he had slept with her.  If she had ever been to his place.  If he had seen her more than for those 2 dates and the latest haircut.  He swore up and down that none of it was true.  He kept saying how upset he was that ‘someone he didn’t care about was screwing up something with someone that he cared deeply about’.  A sweet comment if I wasn’t so fucking pissed and distrustful.

 

Damn if this didn’t hit me in every single one of my insecurities.  I had exactly 2 choices.  Either believe him and let it go, or believe that he was lying to me.  Super.  I have no reason to think that he’s lying to me.  I have to trust him on this.  After ignoring her subsequent messages, he finally sent back for her not to text him again and that he was dating someone else so wasn’t interested.  He then proceeded to make sure I was ‘okay’ the rest of the day……

 

I sure as shit hope I chose correctly.

 

Team Lineup June 1, 2018

Filed under: aura,dating,internet dating,karma,Mr. OoT,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:30 am

So while with Mr. OoT last weekend, he kept trying to aim the conversation towards long term, forevers and future plans.  Not sure why this freaks me out, but I successfully (or so I thought), re-targeted these attempts.  When I was joking about his putting me into the ‘heavy rotation’ for his online dating lineup, he looked me square in the eyes and said ‘you’re not in the lineup, you’re the whole team baby’.  SO sweet.

 

I like where we’re at.  I like what we have going.  We’ve really only spent 4 weekends together at this point.  Granted, this totals about 14 days of 24/7, but it’s still new.  I’ve mentioned before that Mr. OoT is ALL IN.  He is.  While I’m optimistic and wanting to ‘see where things go’, he seems to want to force things along while I know that we still have some things to figure out.  He sent me a text the other night telling me how awesome, beautiful and amazing he thought I was.  He then asked if I would mind if he told people that I was his girlfriend.  Call me a moron (like you already don’t), but when I said I didn’t mind, I didn’t realize that I was locking shit down and throwing my hat in the ring for forever.  I truly thought it would just be a word.  For him.  I describe Mr. OoT as ‘the man I’m dating’.  A matter of phonetics, to be sure, but apparently more than that.

 

Mr. OoT ‘took a trip’ with his brother yesterday.  Pretty sure I’ve mentioned his love of the psychedelic world.  I am so NOT a fan.  While he preaches the benefits of being able to expand his mind, I know that I am able to do that on my own.  I have no desire to try his version.  Anyway, he sends me a text during his ‘trip’ that says “do you want to us with me”.  Uhm, really?  I sent back a nice ‘I like you very much and am enjoying seeing where this is going”.  He then wanted to talk.  About us.  God dammit, why does he have to define this right now? And no, the irony of this situation is not lost on me.

 

While not agreeinng to everything, I seem to have agreed with his ideal that we’re going to last forever and that I’m the love of his life.  Guessing he has assumed that means that he’s the love of mine.  Uhm…….I’m freaking out more than just a little.  He now refers to me as darling and himself as my devoted boyfriend.  It completely weirds me out.  He has obviously been spending a lot of time thinking about this.  Guess I should have concentrated my efforts last weekend more on paying attention than trying to get him to wear cargo shorts over jean shorts……..

 

Drawers, Speeding Tickets, Parents & Time Lapses May 30, 2018

So I got the drawer.  He was uber cute about it.  To me, it’s just a drawer.  To him, it’s more of symbolic letterman’s jacket.  He’s admitted that he’s the ‘girl’ in the relationship and worries all the time about what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling, if I’m tired of him yet, etc….. Kinda endearing.  And kinda nice for me not to be the more neurotic of the two.  Kinda freaks me out though that he’s seemingly trying to fast forward whatever it is we have going on (more to come on this in another post as this one is already hodge podgey enough)

 

I met his parents this weekend.  Completely unplanned.  They invited us over for a BBQ on Monday.  Mr. OoT HATES his mother.  Apparently she was a horrible, horrible mom.  He’s not the only sibling to feel this way.  He refers to his mom as ‘his dad’s wife’ or the antichrist.  My mom was less than stellar so I get it.  He has nothing good to say about her.  I feel bad.  He loves his dad dearly though, so it’s a bit of a trade-off.  He warned me that his mom is passive aggressive and a bit of a hoarder.  She was actually fine.  A bit neurotic and awkward, but fine.  Even Mr. OoT said that she ‘kept her crazy tucked away pretty well.”  Anywhoo, I’m sure they loved me.  Everyone does.  HA!  I guess I’ll wait to hear what the report comes in as.  I think his hatred of his mom takes up a lot of space in his already overly crammed, never silent mind, so it would be great if he could find some sort of a middle ground.

 

Mr. OoT and I went to a hot springs on Monday evening.  It was okay.  I had grand ideas of how amazing sexy time would be in a private hot springs room.  Huh, not so much.  Firstly, trying to have sex in the water is a bit of a challenge (for many reasons).  Secondly, I guess I wanted the water temp a bit too high for my delicate flower of a man, so he was feeling a bit woozy.  He was SOOOO embarrassed.  I almost felt like shit.  Almost.  Oh well.

 

On the way back to his apartment, I was rewarded with a police car siren and flashing lights in my rear-view mirror.  Super, you can never have enough speeding tickets, right?  To be clear, I WAS speeding.  I usually do.  I like to get to where I’m going.  To also be clear, Mr. OoT HATES cops.  Probably as much as he hates his mother.  I could tell that he was getting all worked up, so I asked him to please not say anything when the policeman approached.  I was driving and it was my car after all.  The policeman came to the window and informed me that I was speeding.  I was polite and lied told him that I had my cruise control set at xx mph, so was confused.  Mr. OoT began to pop off and I had to shush him.  When the cop walked away to run my license, Mr. OoT began a litany of  reasons that cops suck.  I basically had to tell him to shut the fuck up; in a nice way, of course.  After the 3rd time of rewording my ‘shut the fuck up’, he finally did.  The cop let me off with a warning (to which I thanked him and Mr. OoT wasn’t happy that I did that) and we were on our merry way again.  It could have been worse.  I handled it well.  I was polite and respectful.  Mr. OoT was not.  I was pissed.  He could have gotten me (and himself) in a lot of trouble.  He is seemingly unable to harness his self righteous ideals about things when it comes to deciding the best way to handle a specific situation.  Concerning, to say the least.

 

All in all we had a fun 4 days.  I got home Tuesday morning.  It was a good time.  Although still being the flakey, bad memory having, peter pan (ish) guy that he always was, he’s also super sweet to me.  Stay tuned for the ‘fast forward’ and my impending (or not) freak out …………….

 

 

Turn Tables May 27, 2018

So during our multitude of talks on Friday night, Mr. OoT asked me if I’d ever want to get married. I swear I almost wet the bed. Why the fuck is he asking me that? This is the 3rd weekend we’ve spent together. While I am certainly hoping he didn’t mean it in a will you marry me, kinda way (#4, really?), it freaked me out a little. As I was facing away from him at the time (little spoon, ya’ know), he wasn’t privy to my deer in the headlights facial expression. I did my best to rebound from my shock and not get all weirded out by the question. I told him I guess it would depend on the circumstances. That I had always assumed, as young and ignorant girl (before way too many years of online dating jaded me) that I would get married. That I truly would like to experience the ceremony and symbolism of it all. That I, regardless of how UN women’s lib it is, feel like a bit of a failure for never being married at 50. I think having years of online nimrods asking me ‘what’s wrong with you’ when they find out that I’ve not been married to thank for at least a little of this. Fuckers. After my response to Mr. OoT, I promptly changed the subject.

Mr. OoT is SUPER into me. It’s absolutely not in my nature or lack of ego to ever say something like that, but he’s pretty open about it. He’s also very neurotic and nervous about it. He keeps telling me that he’ll totally understand that when (not if) I decide in 6 months that he’s too weird for me, he’ll understand. I asked him why he thinks he’s such an unloveable weirdo. If it’s a factor of his own doing or if he’s been told this by others. He wouldn’t answer. I’m guessing it’s a combination of the two.

I asked him how many time he’s been in love. His first response was to say ‘apparently never as nothing has ever worked out’. I told him what a sadly ridiculous answer that was. That you can absolutely be in love and not have things work out. We talked about it a bit more and he changed his answer to 4. I called bullshit on that one too. He’s been married 3 times for fuck sake.

I did something completely insane the other day and I still don’t know why. I’m not a FB stalker or a google searcher. If I want to know something about someone, I just ask. I completely FB stalked him. Like every single post back 2009. Insane. And time consuming, I might add. If that isn’t concerning enough, I actually went the extra step of screen shotting every single ‘I love you’, ‘you are my world’, and any other declaration of love to different women. I actually find it odd that these women all went out of their way to post weirdly ‘look at me and my man’ posts on FB instead of sending them directly to him, but as I was presently being a psycho, who am I to judge? Anywho, apparently 2011 was a big year for him. 4 different women, in fairly quick succession, were the recipients of his heart. Why the hell do I care what happened 7 years ago? No clue.

Best yet about all of this? I told him I did it. He asked me why. I couldn’t answer. He wanted to know if I did it to use against him in the future. Weird. No. He wanted to know if I was in the process of trying to sabotage things. Against my usual M.O., again a big NO. I told him that I think he’s in love with the idea of love. He said I was wrong. I assure you, I am not. Anywhoo, I do think something that bothers me are all the ‘baby’, ‘you’re amazing’ and other terminology that he uses with me. Why on earth, at his advanced age of 40 whatever, would I think that I’d be the 1st woman that he calls baby?

I do find it refreshing, if not foreign as hell, for me to be so open and comfortable with him. Sure, I’m still the same neurotic dumbass that I’ve always been, but I just tell him about all of it. And instead of thinking I’m a total mess, he does his best to make me feel better and let’s me know how much he appreciates my honesty as it makes him feel more secure in things knowing that I’m a weirdo too.

 

Snoring, Drawers & Weird Sisters May 26, 2018

His, not mine.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I have weird sisters as well.  His is just extra special weird.  When I was here last, she came over to talk to Mr. OoT and, as I was in the room and am a judgy bitch intuitive, she is one of those people that thrives on chaos.  Self created, self defeating chaos.  Although having a good heart, I found her exhausting to be around.  Her energy was uber draining.  In an attempt to do something nice for her as I don’t think she’s familiar with random people being kind to her, I brought her a gift this time around.  We had spoken a bit about my love of crystals and she said she believe in the powers of them as well.  I selected a Rose Quartz for her.  If anyone ever needed one, it’s her.  So I brought it with me and gave it to her yesterday when she stopped by and she made it so FUCKING WEIRD.  I have no idea what her deal was, but it was super off putting.  She said thank you, but she didn’t mean it.  I’m not really one to give people more than a couple chances (unless they’re totally inappropriate men), and as this was strike number 2, I’m going to do my best to avoid her in the future.  The fact that she just couldn’t say thank you and move on was just annoying.  As Mr. OoT has a BIG family and I’m not the only one to find this sister draining and exhausting, I don’t feel so bad.  Well, I kinda do, but hell if I’m going to go out of my way to be nice to someone that I don’t vibe with.  I tried.  I failed. Moving on.

 

Now about this snoring.  Holy hell, it’s an issue.  A big one.  After 4 rounds of sexy time with Mr. OoT yesterday, momma needs her sleep.  That just doesn’t happen.  I have never heard anything so loud.  Like wake the dead loud.  As an added bonus, he’s a thrasher as well.  On the off times that his foghorn downgrades to just breathing loudly, he usually thrashes around.  Big time.  I would seriously pay big money to be able to tell what goes on in his brain when he sleeps.  Honestly, I have no clue how HE is even able to sleep with all that noise an thrashing.

 

After deciding to get some sleep at 2:48 am (not bad for an old fart, eh?), I finally gave up at 5:30am.  Lovely.  I have this awesome tracker bracelet (a gift from said snoring wonder) that also tracks sleep.  Not just in amount, but in quality.  It breaks it down into deep sleep and light sleep.  I am presently typing you all on a whopping 46 minutes of deep sleep.  No bueno.  I see an exhaustion migraine coming on at any moment.  If anyone has any suggestions for me short of smothering him with a pillow (which I have considered several times), please share.

 

Anywhoo, yesterday was fun.  It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him.  I like him.  Plain and simple.  He’s morphing a bit into a different version of himself from the one that I initially met.  He’s still every bit as defiantly non conformist/hippie tree hugger as he ever was and I’d never want that to change.  People need to be true to who they are.  He still has wildly different views on things than I do.  He still thinks I’m an uber square.   He is just more respectful; less self involved.  Hell, he even puts the toilet seat down!  Not a small kindness for a lot of men.  The more time I spend with him, the more I like him.

 

Oh, and that elusive drawer that he was going to dedicate to me?  He actually did!  And it’s charming as hell just HOW proud he is of this.  He asked me last night, when we were talking about just about everything under the sun, how I felt about having a drawer in his place.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that, to me, it’s just a drawer.  He sees it as a BIG token.  Like the dresser version of giving me his letter-man jacket.  So sweet.