Remember that episode from Sex In The City where Carrie gets dumped by John Berger via post-it note? So shitty, right? Completely cowardly. Well, I’m Berger, Mr. England is Carrie and the post-it note is a text message. Oh yes I did.
Mr. England messaged me yesterday to see if I could meet for coffee. Last minute. Again. I opted not to respond (because I’m completely immature and passive aggressive). Over the course of the next few hours came 4 more text messages consisting of the perfectly annoying combination of needy and passive aggressive from him. I didn’t respond to any. Then came the snide ‘so, do you want to go to the party on Sunday or are you ‘busy’ again’? Okay, enough already. Time to put on my big girl pants and do the right thing. Well, do the right thing in a completely cowardly and lame way.
I responded by ignoring all of his original messages, lying that I had my phone off (don’t ask me why) and letting him know it would be best if I passed on the party on Sunday. Then I sent a 2nd text. One letting him know that although I thought he was a terrific guy, the fact that he’s a shitty kisser was a deal breaker for me. What? Okay, no, that’s not what I said (only in my head). I told him that I think he’s great, but that in re-thinking our conversations when we last met, I thought it was for the best that we no longer see each other. Sure, I could have just told him that I wasn’t feeling it, but I didn’t want to make him feel bad. Right or wrong, that’s how my mind works. I then sat back and waited for the inevitable shitty message back from him.
It didn’t come. What did arrive was a concerned, ‘was it something I said?’. An understanding ‘you seemed reluctant to move forward’ and a sad emoji face (of course there was an emoji). I sent back ‘no worries, it’s all for the best; I hope you find someone wonderful’. He then sent back a ‘U2’ with a kissy emoji.
He is a good guy. A needy, unsure, shitty kissing good guy. I can’t say for certain if everything else would have been forgiven if he was a good kisser, but I assume (knowing me and the kissing whore that I am) that it might have been. As he’s not and I don’t love creepy emojis, like I told him; It’s for the best ………