I Miss You January 26, 2020

So read Mr. OoT’s last text to me.  Well of course you do, you big dumbass.  You had a year and half (actually, almost 2 years) to step up and at least TRY to get some help with your issues, but no, it was all too ‘inconvenient’ for you.  I just wasn’t worth it for you to put in the effort.  Idiot.

He had sent me a text with a link to a dishwasher the other day.  I ignored it.  I know what he was doing.  He counted on me to help him replace all his piece of shit appliances in his new piece of shit house.  To let him know what would look best.  To find the best deal.  To make sure all would work.  You see, Mr. OoT isn’t big on details.  I think he probably reads every 3rd word (at best) when reading descriptions (or my texts, for that matter).  The last time he ordered an appliance online, ‘it got delivered in the wrong color’.  No, my friend.  No it didn’t.  You failed to notice that the microwave you were purchasing was Almond in color, not white.

The fact that Mr. OoT’s favorite time to online shop is at night when high, it came as no surprise.  I actually had to keep myself from laughing the day the microwave got delivered and he removed it from the box.  He was SO pissed!  Anywhoo, back to this dishwasher.  It was an 18″ one.  Most people know that a standard dishwasher is either 23 or 24 inches across. For those that don’t, reading the product description as ‘compact version will fit in smaller spaces’ might be a bit of a tip-off.  This ALL escaped his notice.

He sent me a follow up message the next day asking “yes or no?”  I had more than half a mind to give him the thumbs up so he would order it and be super pissed/surprised when this mini version arrived.  As I’m not (always) a complete bitch, I wrote back that it would be better for him to order a standard sized dishwasher. He had NO CLUE that dishwashers come in different sizes. *sigh*

He then thanked me for pointing that out, said he would try not to bother me so much and then, as a separate text, sent an “I miss you” and a crying emoji.  I think by the time I am completely over all of this will be 3 seconds before we board our international flight together next month.  And then I can start the whole process over again. *sigh*

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If You Can’t Beat Them …… January 24, 2020

So we all know how I feel that Facebook is the root of all evil. Oh, you didn’t? Well, I do. People share WAY too much information. I neither care nor am interested in knowing what you had for lunch yesterday. Or the day before. I don’t want to read about your every thought that crosses through your head.

I especially don’t want to see all the Namaste posts made by people that I know for a fact to be pretty much the opposite of Namaste and peace and love. Yes, Mr. OoT and oldest sister, I’m looking at you.

Facebook is good for keeping in touch with old friends. Facebook is for people you never really liked in your past to track you down in your present and friend request you. Facebook is to see what concerts are coming to your area. You know, important shit like that. Oh, and dog pictures. ALL the dog pictures.

It has always bothered me that people post their relationship status on Facebook. Announcing new relationships. Announcing the end of said relationships. It’s a well known fact that it’s not really real until it’s posted on Faceboo, right?

Anywho, it’s always bothered me that Mr. OoT likes to announce when he’s single (after waiting the less than appropriate 12 hours). When we 1st started dating he claimed to not know how to remove it from his main profile page. When he ‘figured it out’ on how to remove from his main profile, I discovered he had just moved it to his ‘about’ page. Again, he claimed ignorance. Btw, do we all know that Mr. OoT used to be an IT guy? Right.

So this morning, for whatever reason, I looked at Mr. OoT’s page. I looked at all his new ‘friends’. It will not surprise you to know that they are all female. Whatever. And all of them have ‘single’ as their status announced on their front page. I feel like warning them, but whatever, not my circus.

As I am, in fact, single, I opted to actually put that on my profile page. Mind you, I have never posted a relationship status on my profile. Ever. Single, dating, it’s complicated, in a relationship, nothing. I figure if I’m going to get the universe to do it’s job though, it couldn’t hurt to get a little help from Facebook, right? And maybe, just maybe, I did it as a middle finger to Mr. OoT. Namaste motherfucker…

Repo Man Resurfaces January 17, 2020

Senitlity sucks. The fact that I can’t even remember my blog names for people is kinda sad.  The fact that I can’t link back original posts from the past sucks even more. For you.

Repo Man and I ‘met’ online almost 4 years ago? Maybe 3. Regardless, we never actually met in person at that time. He had asked me, way back then, if I wanted to meet on a Friday or a Sunday.  I chose Sunday.  Apparently he got lucky fell in love with someone else on that Friday. when he cancelled on me, I was fine.  We hadn’t actually met, so who cared.  I was happy for him.

We have kept in touch over the years and he would call me every now and again.  Usually for dating advice.  He is a super nice guy and his M.O. seemed to always be to give his girlfriends 3 do-overs.  Who am I to judge?  I gave Mr. OoT about 37 do-overs. Anyway, our timing never worked.  We were never single at the same time. We never actually met until last year when Mr. OoT and I were broken up (for the 28th time) and Repo Man picked me up at the airport in my old town, took me to lunch, dropped me back off at the airport to catch my connection and laid a huge kiss on me before driving off.  Caught me totally off guard, but I’m always up for a good kiss.

We texted a bit, I did see him last winter, but he was dating someone else by then.  Go figure.  As an aside, I’ve noticed that men my age (ancient) seem to not like to be alone.  They hop from one woman to the next.  I sure wish they would take some time alone to work on their own issues instead of constantly searching for someone new to ‘fit’ where they want them to.

Back to me. I hadn’t heard from Repo Man for almost a year when he called me out of the blue.  We chatted for a long time.  He said he was dating someone new.  He asked why we never dated.  He tracked me down on Facebook and friend requested me. About a month after that I see the grand announcement that he’s engage.  Uhm, what? Whatever, we ALL know he jumped the gun on this.  Not my circus.  I was a decent friend and congratulated him on Facebook.  Yey for love!

When I was back in his city last week, he asked if we could meet for lunch.  Sure, why not, I like food and he’s a nice guy.  My bff said he was interested.  I told her she was crazy.  He was engaged and probably just needed some advice.

We met for lunch, chatted for hours, exchanged relationship stories (his good, mine horrible). He asked what had happened to me.  Where my self confidence had gone.  Ouch.  He told me I was gorgeous and smart and kind and that there was something about me that just made him feel comfortable opening up to me.  This last one I take as one of the best compliments ever.  I’ve been told this many times by many different people.  I love that people feel comfortable talking to me.  I am great at advice and guidance.  For others, of course, not for myself.

He asked, again, why we never dated.  Uhm, not very appropriate when he’s engaged.  I asked if his fiance’ knew we were having lunch together.  Nope.  I asked if he had ever mentioned me to her.  Nope.  I asked how he would explain who I was to her.  I don’t even know how to explain who we are to each other.  We ‘met’ online but never actually dated yet have stayed in touch for 3 years? Probably wouldn’t go over well.  Oh well; not my circus.

Anyway, I gave him some relationship advice (again, do as I say, not as I do), he gave me a huge hug (which I definitely needed) and we went on our separate ways.  Me back to my beach haven and he to his matronly fiance’.  Ooops, did I say that?  I decided that his relationship was his deal.  He needs to decide if us having lunch is right or wrong.  My fixer days are over for others.  People need to find and follow their own moral compass.  Me?  I just need to do me for a while.

Oh, and he already asked if we could meet for lunch again when I’m back in town next month……..

Do Overs Are Allowed, Right? January 13, 2020

Nope, don’t throw your computer out the window.  I don’t mean with Mr. OoT.  After I wrote and posted my last entry I went back and re-read the whopping NINE posts I made in 2019.  All with varying degrees of ‘look what an idiot I am!’.  I promised I was done with Mr. OoT over and over again.  Yikes. Pretty pathetic.

I promised myself that I would start 2020 in a better place; not just geographically (because, duh, the beach) but mentally.  And I didn’t.  I let myself down.  Things had been ‘over’ for a while, I just didn’t want to admit it.  The last time I visited Mr. OoT (he bought a house towards the end of last year that I spent WAY too much time, energy and money helping fix up) pretty much illustrated how much my feelings had waned.  I was sick the week before and he was away working.  He would call and say how he wished he were there to take care of me. I said that would be awesome. He returned home and I was still sick.  Did he come take care of me like he said? No, of course not.  He was ‘busy’.  Whatever. We had agreed that when he was home that the dogs and I would come stay at his house in his town and we did.  Too bad that he was now sick.  I took care of him.  I cooked. I decorated.  I ran errands.  Know what else I did? I slept in the guest room.  Uhm…..

I don’t need a ‘buddy’.  I certainly don’t need a long distance friend. I figured I would stay in the guest room the 1st night only as Mr. OoT was coughing up a storm.  Nope. I stayed there all week.  Quite the roommate situation.  The 2nd night I was there we watched a movie on the couch.  When it was time for bed, we walked down the hall together and he kissed me on my forehead and stopped in front of the guest room door.  I said ‘really?’ He just chuckled, went into his room and shut the door. What the fuck?

Although it was the best sleep I’d ever gotten with him (he snores loud enough to wake the dead and gets up about a dozen times a night), this wasn’t what I signed up for.  When I really thought about it though, I wasn’t all that upset.  That’s when I knew we were over.  It dragged on a few more weeks and ended in the shit-show of a road trip and 1st week of the year. I dropped him off at the airport on January 7th, stayed in town to visit a few friends, and returned back to my beach haven 200lbs lighter on January 9th.

To walk into my beach haven and have it all to myself, free of negative energy and sadness was amazing.  This year I celebrated New Year’s on January 9th.  New year, new outlook, new attitude and new standards.  It is never okay to allow someone/anyone to talk to you like you’re a piece of shit.  That shit is reserved for my mother. 😉

Happy New Year!!!

Same Shitshow, Different Day, But Wait…. March 17, 2019

….there’s more!  Mr. OoT and I have been the same mismatched and ill fitted couple we’ve always been.  About a month ago I decided I would just start ‘mirroring’ his communication style and frequency as things were obiously changing since his terrific visit.  If he didn’t text me, I didn’t text him.  If he didn’t call, I didn’t call.  If he didn’t use any terms of endearment, I didn’t either.  Just like we were any run of the mill immature teenage couple.  Good times.  Neither of us enjoyed how that went.  Things haven’t been great lately but just because I don’t want you all to get bored with reading the same ridiculous stories of our angsty relationship, I thought I’d add a twist.

 

What sort of a twist you ask?  Well that would be travel, of course!  Yes, you read that right!  Mr. OoT and I are traveling tomorrow!  Not just any old travel either.  We’re traveling internationally! WooHoo!  It’s a bucket list trip for me and a birthday trip for him.  It was planned (and paid for) almost 6 months ago.  By me.  He’s never traveled internationally before.  I have many times.  I wanted to be with him when he got his 1st much desired stamp in his passport (he was so disappointed that he didn’t get one when we drove across the border into Mexico. Wa Wa)

 

Mr. OoT being Mr. OoT (pronounced Know-It-All), he has been debating with me about the importance and structure of going through international customs.  I’ve done it at least 3 dozen times.  He’s done it …. oh wait, NEVER.  Yet he still enjoys correcting me.  I so love being corrected when I’m not the one who is wrong.  I almost half hope he gets detained so that I can say ‘I told you so’ over my shoulder as I waltz out of the over-seas airport alone and leave his ass in custody.

 

I won’t, of course, because that’s not who I am.  For whatever reason I allow the men in my life (TD anyone?) to treat me like shit and forever forgive them.  Mr. OoT doesn’t actually treat me like shit (much) but does aim his intermittent rage filled hissy fits in my direction about every other month.  He actually needs to be medicated I think (and not by his beloved psychedelics either) and certainly needs to talk to someone other than me, but he never will.   Because he thinks he knows everything. Not ideal.

 

Ooops, did I forget to mention that he raged at me just the other day? It went on forever and it was especially shitty.  When he finally took a breath, I took that opportunity to tell him to fuck off.  And he was amazingly righteously indignant that I actually had the nerve to say that.  Then he dumped me.  Again.  And I agreed.  And we’re still headed out on a 16 hour travel day tomorrow to enjoy a bucket list trip for me.

 

Awkward much?!  You may want to keep your eyes on the news over the next week to see if one or both of us kill the other ……..

 

*please note, I am SUPER pissed right now, so have written this knowing that he is NOT a competely bad person.  He’s just a bad person for me.  And I’m the dumbass for still allowing him to come on this trip with me.

He Made The Flight January 13, 2019

I KNOW! I’m just as surprised as everyone else! His flight to come visit me left at 6am.  2 hours from his home.  We all know how Mr. OoT loves to sleep.  When I found out that he was planning on NOT driving to the town the airport was in the night prior and staying in a hotel nearby and was instead planning on waking up at 2am and being on the road by 2:30am I instinctively knew he wouldn’t make the flight.  Much to my surprise and delight, he did!

 

He and his 15 year old son arrived to my 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom condo on the beach right on schedule.  To say it was cozy would be an understatement.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had feared though.  They were both respectful of their messes (they’re boys, after all) and even managed to put the toilet seat down almost ever time.  Besides stupidity, being late and a complete lack of patience for repeating myself, leaving the toilet seat up is pretty darn high on my list of pet peeves.

 

We had fun.  We ate some great food, bought every single Mexican blanket we could find and, after discovering that there’s a weird lack of pure vanilla extract in the states, bought up all we could find here so Mr. OoT could gift it to his sisters.  After their 6 day visit, I drove them 4 hours to the airport and overnighted in what turned out to be THE scariest hotel I could find.  I guess my sense of cheapness for paying for things that aren’t important needs to be shifted to include clean & safe hotels in non drug addled areas of town.  Go figure.

 

Mr. Oot is back at work and we talk multiple times a day.  He’s making changes.  Good ones.  While we’ll apparently always be polar opposites when it comes to anything religious, evolutionary or drug related, we are finding more ‘safe’ grounds and finally, after almost a year (holy shit, who thought it would last this long?), letting our walls down.  A little.  Any progress is still progress, right?

 

He’ll fly back down in about 5 weeks to help me pack up and drive the 1,200 miles home.  Sorry for being MIA.  My days here pretty much consist of sand, sun, seashells and sleeping in.  Who wants to hear about that? 😉

And So It Begins November 22, 2018

Yesterday I arrived, after a brutal 16 hour drive, complete with a car packed to the gils, my beloved doggie and a full bladder to my sister’s house.  When I left my home, at the lovely hour of 5am it was 23 degrees.  Upon arrival to my sister’s, it was 72 degrees.

 

I am headed to the beach on Monday.  I have a wedding to go to today and plans to see friends tomorrow.

 

You all don’t really care about that now, do you?  You’re here to read about how my last visit with Mr. OoT went.  He visited for 2 days.  It was a good visit.  He helped me get the house in order and offered to help with several other things (that he mysteriously ended up sleeping through).  Mr. OoT needs explicit instruction and a bit of prodding to actually accomplish anything that he has promised.  His intentions are good.  His follow through needs a bit of help.

 

Day one we puttered around the house.  Did tons of yard work, checked gutters, changed light bulbs, cleared out the crawl space.  You know, romantic stuff.  I made us dinner and then we sat in the back yard, all bundled up, by my fire pit.  Now the ‘idea’ of a fire pit on a cold night is much better than the actuality of one.  Maybe it was the sad singular duraflame log that I used, but still.

 

Day 2 we ran a few errands and then had a proper date night.  Happy hour (my FAVORITE hour) and a movie.  We wandered around a cute upscale shopping area and had a kind stranger take some cute pics of us.  Mr. OoT doesn’t drink.  He has always said he doesn’t mind if I do.  He has been sober since the age of 19.  We only go to happy hours at nice restaurants.  Places that don’t feel like a ‘bar’.  The place we went has amazing food and an indoor fireplace feature.  We sat by there and enjoyed some yummy food and great service.  I would never even think of taking Mr. OoT to a bar-bar.  You know, one complete with pool tables, the aroma of stale beer and a bunch a drunks.  I specifically choose places, on the rare occassion that we go, that are restaurant type places.  He says it felt an awful lot like a ‘bar’.  No clue what he’s talking about.  I think he doesn’t realize how often he minimizes the effort I put into making sure he’s okay with things.  Boo.

 

Day 3, we went out to breakfast before he left.  It was an interesting good bye.  We both try super hard to not let the other know how we’re feeling.  Kinda weird since he used to be overly effusive about that shit.  I told him that I’d miss him.  Probably more than I wished I would.  He said he’d miss me too.  Kind of.  I know he was kidding and that he will absolutely miss me a lot, but he refuses to just tell me without some shitty addition to the sentiment.

 

 

Canine Conundrums October 29, 2018

So, remember how I was so pissed at Mr. OoT for allowing me all of ONE day to come see me?  How he said he was planning on coming up on Saturday and heading back home on Sunday? How he said he ‘wished’ he could spend more time? How he said he couldn’t because of his son and school?  Turns out all these things are true.  Want to know what else is true?  That as soon as I heard him say these things I got pissed.  I sort of shut down and got all self righteous.

 

My days of introspection are few and far between lately yet still alive and well.  My days of knowing that there are probably better ways of dealing with things other than shutting down and acting like a child are always in the background.  That I need to approach things from a place of positivity rather than one of negativity.  Yet I don’t employ other means often.  I kind of hate that my default is to get all butt hurt and pissy.

 

I had the brilliant idea of broaching the topic of Mr. OoT’s visit again a few days ago.  This time, when he said he was planning on coming up on Saturday and leaving on Sunday, instead of getting offended and shutting down I said that I’d like him to consider staying longer.  That although I love his son, that since I was about to leave for 3 months and that this would be the last time we’d get to see each other for a while, that he might consider leaving him at home and staying a bit longer.  That he’d have a whole other entire week to spend with him before he went back to work and then 3 months of son-time while I was away.  I got the oddest response.  He agreed.  He even sounded excited.  He said that since he wasn’t going to bring his son, that it didn’t even need to be a weekend that he came to see me.  That he would now come Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday.  Three whole days!

 

Who knew?  I should.  I should know and remember that not everyone’s mind works the same way as mine.  That things that seem so blatantly obvious to me don’t necessarily occur to others.  That for all the times that I bash Mr. OoT for having a strange way of interpreting things and assuming that everyone’s minds work the same way as his, that I do the exact same thing.  Super strange realization for me.  I should know better.

 

So now, instead of only 1 night here with his son in tow, there will be 3 child free nights.  We’ve already discussed plans.  Day 1 will be for his ‘honey do’ list on things I need help with around the house and I will make us dinner (he loves when I cook).  Day 2 will be lazy and then date night with dinner and a movie that night.  (I told him he could choose the movie ….. god help me).  Day 3 will be who knows what?  I’m looking forward to it though.

 

It’s damn hard to teach old dogs new tricks…..pleasant, patient and gently persuasive is MUCH more effective than butt hurt and pouty.  I need to try to remember that ……

Just Admit It October 25, 2018

So silly. And annoying. When I say something and forget. Or when I say something and change my mind. Or when I say something that I regret. All have the same response and reaction from me. I apologize for forgetting, for changing my mind or regret saying. It seems so simple. SO. FUCKING. SIMPLE.

I don’t think I’m in in the minority when it comes to owning my shit. Maybe I am. When it is in regards to stupid shit though it’s just annoying as fuck to not have the other person just admit they forgot or changed their mind or never meant to say it in the first place. How hard is it to say those 4 simple words ‘I’m sorry, I forgot’.

For fuck sake. I talked to Mr. OoT yesterday about his coming to visit next weekend. He doesn’t like to be away from his son when he’s home, so it’s usually a given that he will come with on the rare occasion that Mr. OoT comes to my town. No biggie. I love that he loves his kids. Imagine my surprise and delight when Mr. OoT said (and I quote) “I may just leave him at home for the weekend, would that be okay?” Uhm, YES! I love his son, but this is the last weekend we’ll be able to spend time together before I leave for an extended period of time. When we were talking tonight, however, he mentioned his son being here. I told him that he had said he wasn’t bringing him and he then proceeded to tell me that I misunderstood. That I was wrong. That he never said that. That he was talking about Halloween night, not the weekend. That he never said he wasn’t going to bring his son. That he LOVES his son and doesn’t want to be away from him. Bullshit on the not being able to be away from his 15 year old son, btw (NOT that he loves him – ’cause he does. A lot) Why can he not just say he changed his mind instead of trying to convince me that I am wrong. That I’M the one that misunderstood. I AM wrong a lot of the time. I’m NOT this time.

As a bonus, he said he was probably going to drive up on Saturday and then head home on Sunday. For those of you bad at math, that’s 1 night. ONE. When I said that I was disappointed that he wouldn’t be staying longer, he said that he was too but that he couldn’t. You know, his son has school and all. I’m fucking pissed. I’m leaving for THREE MONTHS. He says he ‘wished’ he could stay longer. Uhm, he could. He doesn’t work when he’s back home. He has 2 solid weeks off. He just doesn’t want to. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said that since it’s more than a week away, it wasn’t even on his radar yet (he is incapable of planning ahead). Super great end to our conversation last night.

Pierced Ears September 19, 2018

Mr OoT is away for 3 weeks again. It was only supposed to be 2 weeks, but they need him to stay an extra week. It’s the right thing for him to do. Of course, me being me, I’m bummed because he was going to come see me this weekend. Not happening.

 

We discussed my going to see him next weekend when he returns. That’s not happening either. I had a job come up and I can’t turn down the money or risk losing the client in the future. Boo.

 

Mr. OoT and I are headed for a week’s vacation in about 14 days. 7 days of being on the beach. 7 days in my happy place. Looks like we won’t see each other until then though.

 

We talk often. Like multiple times a day. And it’s not always me calling either. 😉 The conversations have been good, but just not the same as seeing someone in person. We both wish we could see each other more. It’s his fault we won’t see each other this weekend. It’s my fault we won’t see each other next weekend. It will be almost a full month by the time that we see each other again.

 

He says often that he wishes we could see each other more often. I agree. He threw in today that it’s like when you get your ears pierced. That if you don’t keep an earing in there, it starts to close up. That made me incredibly sad because it’s true. That’s exactly how our relationship is.

 

I thought we were doing better by talking so often. It is working on my end. While not optimal, speaking every day helps to keep me engaged and connected. Not sure it does for him.

 

His pierced ear comparison is dead on. If you don’t keep an earing in there, it closes up until you shove an earing in there again. 😦

Vacation, Car Rides & Realizations September 14, 2018

Without going into all the details, our time away was not all that I had hoped.  We were both at fault.  I tried telling him the 1st night that I felt that we weren’t connecting and that I was feeling completely distant.  That proved to be true and he was feeling the same way.  We still had an okay time (could I sound less enthused?) and had some amazing ‘bike rides’, but I was completely checked out and he was too.  It kind of sucked.  A lot.

 

On our drive back to his place on Friday, we broke up.  To be more precise, we both said completely shitty things to each other in nasty tones of voice.  In a car.  It was ridiculous.  I had gone into the weekend  prepared to end it.  Relationships shouldn’t be this difficult and I felt like I was doing all the work.  His bullshit and my bullshit just don’t mesh.  His non-negotiables are completely asinine to me.  Mine are equally as ridiculous to him.  We’re just different people and apparently we had both been waiting for the other to change.

 

He had been harboring a few things from over a month ago that he never told me about.  They’ve just been festering and growing in his head.  I’ve been resentful as hell about a lot of things.  We layed it ALL on the table and once we were done saying incredibly hurtful things to each other we talked.  We really talked.  We have had super long conversations in the past, but this time we went over everything.  As neither of us had anything to lose, why not?

 

As I’ve said before, his brain works in a completely different way than mine does.  I”m logical and usually have a memory like an elephant.  I never forget.  Unless, of course, my senility is kicking in that day/week/month in which case I can barely remember my own name.  He remembers things disjointedly (if at all).  He attributes things that I NEVER said to things I said.  He remembers conversations that were never had.  He projects things onto me that past girlfriends had done.  It’s weird.  I get it now though.  I see through his bullshit and realize that he is a self sabotager just like I am.  Dangerous combination.

 

He asked if we could be friends.  He promised he would be there for me if I ever needed him.  I said no.  I had no desire to be friends and I highly doubted if I could actually count on him for anything.  Apparently that hit the mark.  He proceeded to tell me things that I’ve been waiting to hear for months.  He shared a level of self-awareness that I had no clue he possessed.  We talked for hours.

 

I ended up staying the night instead of doing the additional 2 hour drive to my house after such an emotionally exhausting day.  He went over to a friend’s house who was going through a difficult time and I took Mr. OoT’s son out to dinner.  When he returned, there was no physical contact (my choice as I slept in my clothes).  We got a lot done the next morning.  More than we ever had before.  He woke up early and brought me coffee in bed.  We problem solved.  We ran errands.  We talked some more.  We laughed.  I left later that day and gave him a hug and said goodbye.

 

He showed up on my doorstep 2 days later.  To be more accurate, he showed up at a little pool party that I was at that I had mentioned in passing 3 days prior.  He met a couple of my friends.  It was a nice surprise.  I was happy to see him.  He helped me at my house with all the things that he has been promising to help me with for months.  The sheer fact that he actually drove the 2 hours to come see me, after my telling him how hurtful it was that he never wanted to do the drive and was only seemingly happy to spend time with me when I uprooted my life and went to him was kind of awesome.  He did all the things I’d been hoping he would.  More than the yard work and handyman fixes was the fact that he sat me down and said how sorry he was.  That he had no idea how hurt I was.  That he would try harder to be the man I deserve.  That I AM worth the 2 hour drive.  The fact alone that he actually uttered the words ‘I’m sorry’ was pretty impressive for him.

 

May sound silly, but it kind of meant a lot.  I have no expectations going forward.  I will not put in any more effort than he does.  It was just a really nice visit.  Short, but nice.  And he’s been super good about staying in touch (I think we’re up to 3 phone calls so far today).  It just seems like this time around, we’ve both stopped pressuring ourselves to make things more than they are…..

 

 

All In The Family July 11, 2018

So my sister came to visit last week. My condescending, judgemental, entitled twin sister. And her husband. Things go one of 2 ways when we get together. Really well or really not. They were here for 4 days.

Mr. OoT left my house around 1pm last Friday. My sister and brother in law arrived at 3:15pm. They opted not to rent a car and told me (not asked me) that I would be picking them up from the airport and driving them everywhere. Uhm, okay. At least they got an Air BnB near my house. I had offered my guest room, but they prefer their own place. Thank god for small miracles.

Anywhoo, we went directly from the airport to happy hour. Duh. That’s just how my family rolls. I had the whole itinerary for their stay worked out. In addition to being lushes, my family are all planners (kinda why Mr. OoT’s inability to plan ahead drives me insane). There were several happy hours, white water rafting, farmer’s markets and chit chat on the itinerary. Oh, and dinner and a comedy show with Mr. OoT, his son and my bff. Yikes.

I don’t think my sister, or anyone in my family, has ever actually met anyone I’m dating. It’s just not my thing. I find it best to keep anyone I might be interested in away from family. To the best of their knowledge I’ve only dated 2 men in my 50 years. Ha.

Now, I had warned my sister that Mr. OoT is a bit rough around the edges. That he’s an opinionated libertarian alien believing creationist and a lover of all things weed related. Oh, and he doesn’t drink. And we do. A lot. I was waiting for some sort of fiasco to occur. None did. Dinner prior to the show lasted for 3 laughter filled hours. Mr. OoT seemed a bit subdued and his son looked like he wanted to kill himself, but I’ll chalk that up to being nervous (and was a bit thankful for that).

During dinner, my twin sister asked Mr. OoT if he had anything planned for my upcoming birthday and he said yes! A weekend away. Now, as he had previously asked me SPECIFICALLY if I would prefer a cabin in the woods or a hotel in the city (duh, the hotel of course), I was certain of his response when my sister asked where. You can imagine my surprise when he proudly announced we would be going to a cabin in the woods. What. The. Fuck. I thought he was kidding. He wasn’t. My sister set him straight on the fact that the words ‘a cabin in the woods’ was a phrase that I had never uttered. Poor Mr. OoT was positive that’s what I had said. Like truly positive and was so proud of himself for remembering correctly.

Needless to say a conversation was had later that evening (in between some amazing bedroom shenanigans) regarding just how scary bad his memory is and that, when he inevitably said it wasn’t, I then told him that he must just be a complete narcissist as he never remembers what I say and always projects what he wants (i.e. a cabin in the woods). It was a calm conversation and actually seemed to hit home. I honestly think it scared him a little to be so certain about something that never happened.

Anywho, the comedy show after dinner was meh, but all in all, it went well. So well that we all planned to ‘do brunch’ the next morning since Mr. OoT and his son were staying over. For whatever reason, Mr. OoT finds the fact that we ‘brunch’ super funny and ‘fancy’ (helped along, no doubt, by my preference of hotels and maid service over woodsy cabins and doing my own cooking when given the choice).

Brunch was great fun. Everyone was much more relaxed and showed who they were. I was a clutz and fell off the curb. My sister and brother in law asked several offensive questions. Mr. OoT vaped and rambled on about disc golf. His son played on his phone. No great surprise.

After brunch we took Mr. OoT’s son back to my house to do whatever 15 year old boys do. Oh, ewww, no, let’s hope that’s not what he did while we were gone…. The rest of us took the dogs for a walk along the river. And I face-planted. No, really, I did. Kind of like a slow motion cartoon style fall. Not embarassing at all. I’m just that uncoordinated.

Mr. OoT and son left after our walk to head back to their town. My sister’s visit lasted for another day and a half. I must say, I enjoyed it. I’m not quite sure that they love Mr. OoT for me, but they saw how much he likes me and were impressed that he’s very open about showing it.

I know he was trying. Really hard. He was nervous to meet them and although he knows they liked him, he is convinced that they’d rather see me with an accountant. Uhm, okay.

It wasn’t nearly as awkward or horrible as I had feared. At least it is out of the way, no one cried and aside from my sister full on linebackering my brother in law out of the raft in the middle of a class 4 rapid, there were no injuries (he was fine, but it was damn funny).

Next up, exactly 4 hours after dropping my sister and BIL at the airport for their flight back home I loaded up my dog and headed to Mr. OoT’s town to meet his family. Parents (who I had already met), 1 brother & 1 sister who I had already met as well, his favorite sister from another state, her 3 adult-ish kids, Mr. OoT’s married daughter and grandson (who, incidentally, were staying with Mr. OoT’s ex girlfriend) and some other assorted nieces and nephews. No pressure, right? Here’s a fun fact about me: I can talk to anyone one on one. Put me in a group of new people (much less a big family with me being odd man out) and I turn into a socially awkward nimrod. Good times ahead…..

Shuttle Service July 9, 2018

Oh hell. I owe a bunch of updates. Vacation ended. Sister came to town. Mr. OoT had his family reunion. Such a busy past 8 days. As I don’t want to spoil the fun filled suspense, I’ll meter out my updates. You’re welcome.

I got back from my Mexico vacay 10 days ago. Mr. OoT had promised to pick me up at the airport, 2 hours from his town, at 11:30pm. I was less than positive that he’d actually be there. I spent most of the last leg of my flight preparing myself for it and pep talking myself into not being mad/disappointed/sad when I walked past security to see a bunch of strangers. Much to my surprise delight, he was there!! And it was good to see him. Although I was still more than a bit pissed about the whole stranded on the side of a Mexican highway thing and his seeming lack of concern, I let it go. Kind of.

I did end up asking him about it and letting him know how disappointed I was. He explained his viewpoint. His completely fucked up and ridiculous interpretation of my text, but his reaction (or lack thereof) made sense. If you’re a moron. Or male. He thought, heaven knows why, that I was sitting in an air conditioned shuttle bus on the side of the road awaiting a new tire. Uhm, no. No, that’s not what happened at all. Anyway, and regardless of his ‘vision’, I explained that by his not checking in with me, it appeared as if he didn’t care. He responded, in the true spirit of maleness, that although he was concerned, there was nothing he could do to help and he didn’t think sending a ‘hope you’re not dead’ text would be helpful. Or appreciated. Couldn’t really argue with that.

He proceeded to stay for the next 2 nights at my house. And it was kinda awesome. I much prefer my house to his apartment (shhhhh, don’t tell). This was the 1st time he’d stayed over, much less come to my town, since date #1. I regaled him with all the awesomeness that is my town in the summer. The outdoor free concerts 3 times a week. The most amazing farmer’s market ever. The beautiful parks and ponds. I truly live in a killer town. He does not (again, shhhhhh). He drove back to his town late on a Friday afternoon only to turn back around the next day and come back to catch a comedy show. And meet my best friend. And my twin sister……..

Well That Sucked June 20, 2018

So as I was talking to Mr. OoT last night, the subject of one of my favorite snarky weekly specials came up. Think along the lines of Steven Colbert. Only better. And more snarky. And British. And somewhat brilliant. I had spoken to Mr. OoT about this particular show MANY times. And by many, I mean no less than 5. I even sent him links. Anywhoo, I mention him last night and Mr. OoT says, completely obliviously, ‘who is that? you’ve never mentioned him before.” And I lost it.

Do you have ANY idea exactly how frustrating it is for someone that you’re involved with to remember pretty much NOTHING that you say? Let me tell you, it sucks. I don’t think he does it on purpose. I do think he might be partially brain dead. Okay, not really, but for fuck’s sake, write it down! All my good intentions of waiting until I see him to discuss our communication issues (of which he thinks there are none) flew out of the window. I wasn’t mad or hysterical or any of my awesome non self controlled versions. I just explained how FUCKING annoying it is for him to never remember. His favorite line is to ask for more examples than that one that started this. Then he says he didn’t realize that this particular show was so important to me. Completely missing the point of the discussion.

Earlier in the conversation we had been talking about scuba diving. And by ‘we’, I mean ‘he’. I had explained to him in the past that while I’m happy to be on the boat with him, I will not be getting in the water. That I am actually afraid to be in deep water. That I’m not the best swimmer and that not being able to see the bottom of ANY body of water is a no go for me (yup, even those creepy black bottom pools are out for me). Anywhoo, as he’s waxing poetic about how much I’m going to like scuba diving (what the fuck?), I clam up. This, my friends, is my new non-patented move when I am trying not to be a raging bitch with my response. I tell him that I won’t be enjoying scuba diving and he asks why. Honest to god. I tell him, for probably the 3rd time, my reason why and he says ‘oh, you’ve never mentioned that before. you’ve only said that you refused to go, but never given a reason why’. Uhm, no. That’s not what has happened. Ever.

I asked him if he thought we had difficulty communicating over the phone and he says, completely sincerely. That yes, he thinks we do because I NEVER SAY ANYTHING and that he knows nothing about me. Uhm……… We spoke a bit more and I flat out told him that we need to improve our communication. That he needs to figure out how the hell to retain information. It wasn’t the most productive conversation ever, but then again, he’ll probably not remember any of it anyways.

This, my friends, is why drugs are bad. VERY, VERY BAD.

I am off to Mexico for a week and think it’s good timing. Mr. OoT gets back from his 2 week work stint away tomorrow and gets to sit and miss me. And hopefully remember anything that we’ve ever talked about. How the hell can we be so good in person and so ridiculously bad when not? I’m not sure we’ll be able to figure it out. And this, despite everything I’ve bitched about, makes me incredibly sad.

Oh, and I got a text from Tinder guy last night. I opted not to respond …….

Does Not Remembering Really Mean It Didn’t Happen? June 15, 2018

In true to “I’m a guy” form, I heard from Mr. OoT the next morning after his curt ‘goodnight’ mid Hairdresser discussion as if everything was hunky dory and nothing had happened. Not sure why he does this. Not sure why I allow it to happen. There’s nothing more frustrating than leaving a discussion unresolved. At least for me. For him, it apparently never even happened. Must be nice…..

I’m annoyed right now. I DO like him. He’s kind and generous and funny and smart and has a really good heart buried under all his bullshit. He makes me feel pretty and special and talks of the future. He also has a pretty pronounced misogynistic side to him. Maybe misogyny is too strong a word; selfish? Self absorbed? Although he has told me 3 times now how closed minded I am (always, btw, in regards to his f*ing love of weed), it is actually he who is unable to see things from a different point of view. His interests come first. Although he will ask me what I want to do, watch on tv, eat, whatever, he always defaults to what he wants. He assumes everyone views the world (or should) as he does. For a smart man, he’s kinda dumb in this regard.

I’m feeling kinda disconnected at the moment. We all know that when I don’t feel connected, I get bored. And my mind wanders. Part of the fun of being in a long distance relationship with someone who apparently is incapable of having a serious discussion over the phone is that nothing gets resolved. By fun, I of course mean bullshit. Everything gets left for in person discussions. This takes away from our ‘us’ time and puts a damper on the whole thing, so I usually just let things go. It’s a bit of a double-edged sword. Apparently he’s fine with never getting anything resolved (bonus for him to never be called out on his bullshit). Not so great for me.

He’s mid 2-week stint right now. He will be back in town next Thursday. I leave town for a week on Wednesday. That means 2 more weeks before I see him again. We haven’t spoken much in the past few days. Him because he’s exhausted, me because I’m annoyed. How do we resolve something that one of us doesn’t even view as a problem? I’ve mentioned before about his horrific memory. I attribute that to his misogyny as well. If it doesn’t interest him or he doesn’t view it as important, it doesn’t get remembered. Being able to count on someone is a big thing for me. I don’t know that I can count on him. This is a man who only eats once a day and who I have to remind that I get hungry and need to be fed more than that. It’s kind of weird. And annoying. He’s the least self-aware person that I know. I am one of the most. It boggles my mind that someone so seemingly smart not only doesn’t own their shit, but doesn’t even realize that they have shit to own.

Anywhoo, back to not being able to count on him in the simplest of examples. I fly back into town on the 27th. He has offered to drive the 2 hours from his town to pick me up at the airport and then stay the night at my place. He has also told me that I will need to remind him. What the fuck? Write it down for shit’s sake. I think he’ll forget. I actually plan on him forgetting so instead of ubering to the airport and being assured that he’ll be there, a week later, to pick me up with open arms and a bouquet of flowers (ha), I am driving myself so that my car will be there for when he doesn’t show. Am I being too hard on him? Maybe. Am I expecting too much? Possibly. Has his past non efforts at follow through given me reason to be dubious? Hell yes they have. Not sure what to do. This is not a good week. Boo.

We are pretty great in person. Long distance, not so much …….