43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

I’ve Done Something February 21, 2018

Something that may either be a good idea or the worst idea on the planet. Something that my friends are split between wanting to smack me in the head for or cheer me on for. Something that may end my week on a high note or may just ruin everything. Something that I am surprised by, but trying not to get excited about. Something that I have the next 3 days to worry about, overthink, get excited about, obsess about and generally run through every single possible ‘what if’ about.

I am going to embrace my long forgotten 2018 mantra of leaving shit up to the universe and not always being a neurotic shit show when it comes to things I want. What could possibly go wrong???


Alright, Alright One More February 20, 2018

Look, it’s not like I went trolling for him. He just appeared. He messaged me several months ago and was randomly telling me about an article he was reading that made him cry. Mmmmk. I don’t know what sort of response he was expecting from me, but I ended up telling him he was a tad too sensitive for me.

He apparently didn’t like that, so wanted to show me what a good guy he is by telling me about a family barbeque he went to with a girl he had gone out with once before. Uhm……. This was her family. Apparently all anyone did was argue so he ran around and played peacemaker. I told him I would have just run away. He got all butt hurt at that.

I haven’t heard from him since. As I was feeling blue tonight and more than a little disillusioned by my prospects, he timed his invite just right, so I agreed. Hah! I am meeting him at a bar I don’t like, 2 hours later than I usually meet, with a band that plays classic rock. As I am all about ’80s 1 hit wonder bands, this can’t end well…..

No clue why I do this…….


Harleys, Kids & Pizza February 19, 2018

Filed under: bad dates,brunch,bumble,dating,driking,internet dating,online dating,single,texting,tinder — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:05 pm

Sunday was pizza date guy. The one who invited me to meet he and his adult kids. Call me crazy, but I assumed he was new to online dating and wanted backup should I turn out to be some hideously offensive monster. I’m not, btw. 😉

He shows up, sans kids and was nervous as hell. He looked mostly like his pics, but I could tell right off the bat that we weren’t going to be a good match. He was nice as can be, but uber naive and a bit back-woodsy. Online dating scares him. The internet scares him. His new fangled non flip phone scares him. He likes to hunt. And fish. And camp. And live off the land. Uhm, not really my thing as I consider a 12 year old Holiday Inn with sketchy internet ‘roughing it’. He doesn’t travel, is pretty religious & doesn’t drink. While none of these are bad things, they just aren’t my thing.

He was all in and very complimentary, but we have absolutely nothing in common. And he doesn’t have a car. And wore overalls. As for his kids that bailed on being his backup? They texted him to ask if I was a dude. Apparently they had regaled him with stories of online dating ‘bait and switch’. Nice.

And so ends this quarter’s string of dates. For those of you keeping track: 15 1st dates in 45 days is apparently my limit. Actually, to be more specific, 2 good first dates, 3 BAD 1st dates, 10 ‘meh’ 1st dates, 1 2nd date that was more of a booty call than date, I meltdown, 2 midgets and countless left & right swipes. Yup. Time for a mini break….


Am I Wrong?

Filed under: bumble,dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting,tinder,Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:34 am

So here is where I stand (or sit, as the case may be). I had a decent/good lunch with Red last week. He has texted a few times, but solely at night to see if I’m drunk enough to come over check in. Haven’t heard from him in a couple days, but am not too worried about it as he has made his intentions clear. Guess it’s not the worst thing in the world to have a booty call in my back pocket, but considering I haven’t kissed him, who knows if I even want him on top of me (or me him, as the case might be). Meh.

I am meeting a (seemingly) nice man this afternoon as I couldn’t pass up his somewhat awesomely chill ‘care to grab a slice of pizza with me and my (grown) kids this weekend?’ Who know if the kids will actually be there to protect dad from the random Tinder woman that he just invited for pizza, but I guess we’ll see.

The real conundrum, which is quickly turning into more of an annoyance, is the date from Thursday night that has yet to receive a blog name (wait, should I take that as a sign?). We text back and forth every day. He ‘good morning’s me every day. We chatter about everything and nothing and he makes reference to seeing me again while not actually saying he wants to see me again. Example: he purchased a ‘spare’ truck. I joked that I was excited for him to schlep shit around for me. He said it wasn’t schlep worthy yet, but when it was, he would gladly be my schlepper. Whatevs. He leaves town in 4 days (3 by the time I post this). I leave town in 8. That leaves us with a good 2 weeks with no possibility of seeing each other.

While texts are cool and all, I have to wonder. What. The. Fuck? The weekend has just come and gone and he has filled me in on his escapades with friends. Don’t get me wrong, I had escapades as well, but would have gladly cancelled or stopped by after to see him. No invitation was made to do so. No invitation has been made to see him before he leaves town. I kinda just want to send a ‘so, am I going to see you before you leave’ to him, but my pride/immaturity/bitchiness firmly believes that it’s HIS responsibity.

I’m getting annoyed. And losing interest. If we don’t get together before he leaves town, I doubt my interest will last the next 2 weeks. I haven’t even kissed the guy yet. Do I want to keep messaging with a guy that could potentially be a shitty kisser?

I’m uber annoyed right now…..


Fun Game February 18, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:51 am

As we all know, the world of online dating can be shitty soul crushing seizure inducing challenging. If you take it too seriously, you will fail. If you put all your eggs in one basket right up front, you will fail. If you have a list as long as your arm of ‘must haves’, you will fail. (Although I did hear a story just yesterday about a friend of a friend who had a ridiculously long list of requirements for her men right down to their wealth and in the end, found and married him. He was a millionaire complete with trust fund. I want to go punch her in the throat). Sadly, for me, I have to go into each date for what it is. The chance to meet a new person. Make a new friend. To have a cocktail. If the planets are alligned, to have the slightest inkling of a spark. I try my best not to get excited (which is kinda sad itself) and consider anything more than boring or awkward as a bonus. Yes, I’m all about low expectations.

I do like to add a bit of fun to all 1st dates. Kind of like a game. A scavenger hunt game. I always tell my best friend in town where my 1st date is taking place. Nope, not so she can come in and pull the fire alarm or join us. But so she will have a starting point to look for my dismembered body parts should I disappear. Fun, right?


And How Was Your Day? February 17, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:55 am

So, I sat at home with my dog and worked on my taxes last night (try to contain your jealousy) while having Netflix ramble on in the background with a bit of online tattoo inspiration searching to break thing up a bit.

I texted back and forth with Thursday night guy (I need to come up with a name for him) pretty much all day. We chatted about all sorts of random things. It was a steady stream of messages throughout the day. He texted before he went to sleep with a nice ‘sweet dreams, talk to you tomorrow’. Nice, right? Note to self: if a man is interested, he will attempt to get to know me via text, phone call, whatever. I should not settle for a daily ‘good morning’ as a sign of interest. That’s just the bare minimum and supports the whole ‘you deserve what you settle for/accept’ theory (NYE date for example). The thing is, he hasn’t locked down a 2nd date yet. It has been mentioned, but not actually scheduled. Normally, no biggie as I know it will happen (or at least am pretty sure it will happen) and we only met 2 days ago. The thing is, he leaves in 5 days for a week and a half. I leave 5 days after him for 10 days. Wouldn’t you think he’d secure an evening before he goes? It’s not like he knows that I have absolutely nothing going on next week due to my self imposed online dating haitus…..

I also heard from Red last night. Nothing too exciting. He needs to step up his game as my interest is waning. At least his messages weren’t pervy yesterday. Joy.


And Just Like That…. February 16, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:07 pm

After a round of several (unsuccessful) texts trying to get me to come over last night, Red has been silent today.

I’ve been texting with the handsome date from last night most of the day and aside from a difference in musical tastes, all seems good.

Nothing from weekend pizza and kids guy. I’m sort of thinking his kids read him the riot act when he informed them that he had invited some random woman from Tinder to meet them. If only they knew I was one of the good ones.

Anywhoo, here it is, Friday evening and it’s me, my dog & my Roku…..