43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

A New Trend February 2, 2017

** Going through my drafts folder, I keep finding these little gems that although are more than 2 years old, still seem to apply to the world of online dating.  Lucky me?**

There seems to be a new trend in my stellar world of online dating.  And you all know that by ‘stellar’, I mean ‘shitty’, right?  I’ve corresponded with some seemingly really good guys lately.  There was the teacher that very sweetly declined my invitation to fall in love with me message me.  There was the terrific guy with all the water toys that seemed so sweet and kind and funny.  There was the Golfer who I actually met, liked and was looking forward to seeing again.  All of these men are different in very distinct ways.  Looks, height, education, career, age ….. they are flung far and wide (see?  I’m trying to broaden my horizons).  They all have one thing in common though.  And I’m none too pleased about it.

Each and every one of these men messaged me last.  Very sweet and somewhat flirty messages.  Messages that made me smile.  Messages that prompted me to sign on to respond.  Messages that were apparently sent mere minutes before each and every one of them either hid their profiles or blocked me never to be heard from again.  What. The. Fuck.?

What’s the point of that? I’ll never know.  At least I still have Arkansas who is currently not only bugging the shit out of me with repeated messages that go something like “hi, how are you? when can we meet?” (after I’ve told him repeatedly that I am swamped with work and that I don’t think our schedules match up).  He also sends me messages addressing me as ‘gorgeous’ and telling me that I’m ‘hot’.  Uhm, shouldn’t I find this flattering?  I don’t.  I find them highly creepy.  *sigh*


It Will Get Better, It Will Get Better…. January 25, 2017

That’s my new dating mantra.  Actually, my new mantra is more like ‘please G-d, let this one be a good one’.  What?  That’s not what my psychic meant when he suggested I be a bit more spiritual?  Ooops.  Nah, I know my guy is out there.  I know he’s very good at hiding from me.  I also know that I’ll find him.  Or, more likely, he’ll find me.

I’m pretty sure that neither of the gentlemen that I ‘chatted’ with yesterday are going to be him however.

One, who I can’t even come up with a nickname for, has been messaging me since September.  Every few weeks I’ll get an uber engaging ‘hi’.  I haven’t heard from him since Christmas Day.  As you can all tell, I’ve been very broken up about that. 😉 Well, I heard from him last night.  At 10:30, when he asked when we were going to meet.  I, being the helpful gal that I am, suggested that he actually ask me out and that would probably facilitate things.  He said he already did and I said no.  Uhm, that would have been when he messaged me at 6pm on a random night and wanted to know if I wanted to go to happy hour during a really busy work week.  Uhm, no.  A bit of notice would be good.  I suggested he try again.  So he did.  And proceeded to invite me over for a glass of wine last night.  After I told him that I don’t really drink wine (remember my sister’s wedding?).  At 10:30pm.  To his house!  As we haven’t actually met before, I quashed that ridiculous idea.  He then asked about next week.  Great, I said yes.  Oh joy.  We’ll see what happens.

I was supposed to meet presumed married guy last night.  The one who travels for business.  We had arranged to meet last night @ 6pm.  When I checked in to confirm with him, he informed me that he had a massage scheduled at 6 and thought we were meeting at 8.  Excuse me?  He blamed it on the time difference, but I blame it on him being an ass.  He then proceeded to ask me if I could meet him at 9pm last night.  What is the matter with these guys?  9pm on a Monday for a 1st meeting?  I think not.  I told him maybe I could fit him in tonight, but I’m putting absolutely no effort into it.  If I hear from him, I’ll consider it, but I certainly won’t lose sleep over it.  Although I don’t really think he’s married, there is definately something fishy going on……

Aside from the man that is apparently from Nashville who invited me to visit after asking me precisely ZERO questions about myself, there’s nothing too promising on the dating front at the moment.  In the spirit of ‘putting myself out there’, I do have a couple happy hour with friends lined up this week.  Maybe I’ll invite my new and improved ‘inviting’ and ‘confident’ self to join…..


How Not To Date January 18, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:34 am
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I don’t mean by not actually dating (which is what I have been perfecting lately).  I mean more along the lines of what NOT to say to your date upon meeting.

To everyone’s surprise, it wasn’t actually me that stuck my foot in my mouth last Monday.  Repeatedly.

He seemed nice enough on Bumble and offered to drive to my side of town, so why not?  I arrived to the location before him and was just inside the door when he showed up behind me.  I turned to give him a hug and had to bend down a bit.  Huh, although I state my height in my Bumble profile, apparently being 2 inches shorter than I am wasn’t an issue for him.  Okay, no biggie.  I dated someone who was 5’8″ when I was in my 20s.  He was a darling little hottie who just used to stand up on the curb while I stood in the street in order to kiss me.  But he was a cutie and uber sweet so his being vertically challenged didn’t faze me in the least.

Sadly (for me) my date last Monday wasn’t so blessed with manners.  We grabbed a table and started chatting.  Well, to be clear, he started chatting and never EVER stopped.  Within the 1st 20 minutes I knew all there was to know regarding his previous relationships (including 3 marriages), his job, his multiple side jobs, the screws in his knee, his cynicism regarding today’s youth, his love of Trump, his finances and just about every other detail that needed to be known by date #3.  Too bad it all took place in the 1st 20 minutes of date #1.

He never took a breath.  He also never asked me a single thing about myself.  However, he did manage to fit in multiple slams on me.

  1. While rambling on about the youth of today and how unwilling to work they are (generalize much?) he says ‘I have no idea what you do for a living, but …. blah blah blah’ …… uhm, you could ask.  Or actually read my profile where it does, in fact, state what I do.
  2. While telling me about wives number 1 through 3, he lets me know that he is usually attracted to twigs.  Okay.  Then he tells me about girlfriend number whatever who he dated for 3 years and says ‘I usually date such skinny women that I was surprised that I was attracted to someone your size’.  Uhm, what the fuck?!
  3. He made it clear that he thinks most women take advantage of the generosity of men and don’t actually have to work very hard as they are given everything.

There were more, but these were probably the top 3.  As he didn’t take a breath long enough for me to interject anything, I just sat there wide eyed.  I actually even thought for a millisecond that he might just be nervous and has an unfortunate way of stating things, so I kinda let it go.

Until I didn’t.  I’d had enough.  I told him that if he wanted to know what I did for a living, he was free to ask as most initial meetings involve an exchange of information   He did ask then.  And I told him, and he immediately turned the conversation back to him.

When he swung back around to dating petite women with big boobs, I explained that there was a probably a better way to relay his delving into the world of average sized women than by insulting the woman sitting across from him.  That he probably shouldn’t say ‘your size’ as it could be taken the wrong way.  He then told me that I was wrong about that.  Uhm, no, no I’m not.  As I’m the one sitting across from you and listening to the intonation in your voice, I absolutely think the comment was insulting.  Dumbass.

Best part of all?  He got PISSED when, after an hour and a half, I said to him that I wasn’t quite sure what to make of our interaction.  Before I could excuse myself and wish him a good night, he bellows ‘just go’.  My god!  I’ve never dealt with such a situation.  Still, just because he was an ass doesn’t mean I need to be too (I know, I know, but I’m evolving).  I went home with every intention to log into Bumble and say that it was nice (lie) meeting him and that I hope he finds someone terrific (another lie).  In the 2.5 minutes that it took me to get home, he deleted me.  Le sigh ……. not.  Did I mention he had dirty fingernails?  And before anyone bashes me, I’m all for blue-collar jobs and working with your hands (insert lewd 13-year-old boy humor here), but as he had the day off, it would have been nice if he’d have put in a little effort…



What’s The Name Of That Song? October 29, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:00 am
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Hello?  Is it me you’re looking for?


Pretty sure I just got those lyrics wrong, but you get the gist. It’s been a while. A long while. It’s been a busy year. Busy with work, with friends, with ‘me’ things, with love. Oh wait, no, scratch that last one.

Although I’ve had a wonderful year involving some great memories with friends, buying a new house, buying a vacation property and other assorted festivities, the prospect of finding ‘my one’ has been futile at best. I think I’ve gone on a whopping 2 dates this year.

For some unknown reason I have kept my Match.com profile active all this time. I never log on and I constantly ignore the whole ‘update your profile daily to stay at the top of the pile of other singles when a search is done’. I figure, for now, if the right guy is out there, he’ll find me. Or not.

Every time I go to cancel my membership, those little devils offer me a great deal! Drat. I love a bargain. 3 months for the price of 1? Sure, why not. I held strong last week and when they offered me that 3 for 1 deal again, I happily hit the ‘no thank you, proceed with cancellation’. There. I did it. It was kind of a weight off my shoulders. I honestly don’t think that I’m going to find the guy for me online. I think I’m best appreciated in person. Or not. Anyway, I had decided to finish out the year just doing me, with no thoughts to online dating or meeting anyone. And then those suckers sent me a 50% off offer. Instead of paying $36.99 for 3 months via their 3 for 1 offer, they were now dangling the offer of 3 months for just $25. Really Match? You think you can appeal to my love of all things bargain? You think you can lure me back into the world of online dating and go against all that I had just decided? You think just because it would work out to a scant $7+ a month that I would want to remain on a site that has proven to be an exercise in futility? Ah, you know me so well…..

Who knows if I’ll actually put any effort into it this time around, but I have 3 whole months to find out….


Silver Tongued Devil July 5, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:00 pm
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Remember the guy that I went out with a few weeks ago and had a ‘meh’ time with?  The one that I kept making excuses not to see again and ‘forgot’ to respond to several text messages that he sent?  The one that repeatedly asked me to go out again yet never actually made a plan?  Yes, that one!  He’s also the one that I finally sent a text to saying that although I thought he was a nice guy and I enjoyed meeting him, that I didn’t feel that we were a good match.  I never heard back from him after I sent that one.  Until yesterday.  The 4th of July.  Where he sent me a stunningly eloquent text that consisted of ‘hi’.

Why on earth do people do this?


I Think I Can, I Think I Can…… June 24, 2015

I went out with a very nice man a couple of weeks ago.  We met for what turned out to be dinner.  I thought it was just going to be drinks, but whatever, a girl’s gotta eat, right?  He got there before me and texted to find out what I’d like to drink.  Very nice, right?  When I arrived he was already sitting and so was my drink.  Neither got up to greet me.  Hmmmm….. The cocktail was forgiven, but I think it’s just nice manners to stand and greet your guest.  Not a deal breaker as we just obviously were brought up differently, but it was in the file.

I sat down after a bit of an awkward delay (what?  I have never had someone NOT stand up to greet me before).  We talked easily.  He about his past relationships, his trust issues, his nomadic lifestyle and me about, well, not much.  I wanted to like him more than I did.  I just wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t think we had much in common.  Of course, this set my mind into overdrive wondering if it were one of those elusive situations where attraction grows the more you get to know someone.

We enjoyed a pleasant dinner and after about an hour and a half, we left.  He paid, so that was very nice.  He walked me to my car (again, very nice) and we parted ways.  He texted me later that night to say he had a good time and to ask if I would like to go out again.  I took a minute (or 300) to respond in that I wasn’t sure if it were worth it, but opted to give it a go.

I had a hugely hectic week, so it took almost 2 weeks in order to be able to schedule date #2.  That, in and of itself was a red flag for me because if I like a guy, I’ll do whatever it takes to make time to see them.  I didn’t feel the need, or desire, to do so with him. 😦

Our texts and phone conversations were always stilted and a bit awkward.  The ‘flow’ never seemed to improve.  He made a few awkward attempts to flirt with me via text (really?) and got a bit pouty when I didn’t pick up on it (truth be told, I DID pick up on it, just didn’t want to go there).  Anyway, about a week ago, he asked me if I’d like to go out on a date with him.  Strange considering he’d already asked, but I thought he was just being silly.  We decided on Thursday evening (tomorrow night).  A few days after that text conversation he asked me if I’d like to go out again.  Uhm…………. I sort of let it go and our awkward texts continued.  Until last night.  When he asked me if I’d like to go out.  WTH?  That would make 3 times that he’s asked me out for a 2nd date and 3 times that I accepted.  I responded last night with a ‘I thought we had plans for Thursday?’  To which he didn’t respond.

Another red flag is that I didn’t care that he didn’t respond when normally I would be over thinking the shit out of something like that.  Anyway, I woke up this morning and decided that it wasn’t fair to him to keep this going in order for me to ‘see’ if I could ever see myself with him.  I sent a very nice text letting him know that although I thought he was a terrific guy, that I just wasn’t sure that we were a good match, but that I really enjoyed meeting him.

He sent back a lovely message wishing me well, letting me know how much he enjoyed meeting me and sort of signing off pleasantly.  Oh wait, that didn’t happen at all.  He just never responded.

I can’t make myself like someone just because they like me, right?


One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, NO June 22, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:02 pm
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So I had a ‘meet and greet’ tonight.  Ugh, I hate that I have succumbed to online dating terminology and now call 1st ‘dates’ ‘meet and greets’.  Sounds so lame.  Anywhoo, we were to meet for happy hour at a place on my side of town.  He would be what is commonly referred to as ‘geographically undesirable’ as he lives across town.

He’s 6’6″ and looked to be a bit lacking in the hair department, so I didn’t think I’d have much trouble finding him (especially since I picked up my new ultra retro cat eye glasses today).  Little did I know that Monday night at this particular place must be half price if you resemble Mr. Clean.  The bar was filled with shiny topped tall men!  As I don’t mind a nice bald head, I had no issues with this at all.  As I looked around, I saw several that I was hoping were my date; I mean my meet and greet.

Sadly, my life is not a fairy tail and the one who stood up and approached me was not on my list of hopefuls.  He was nice enough, but I’m fairly certain he lied about his age (by at LEAST 10 years).  How un-surprising in the world of online dating.  We grabbed a table and sat and although I knew right off the bat that this was going to go absolutely nowhere, I didn’t want to be rude so made some chit chat, ordered a beer to his coke and proceeded to ask him a multitude of questions about himself so he wouldn’t be able to ask me any.

About 20 minutes in and after what was probably our 3rd uber awkward silence, I decided I was going to let him know that although I thought he was a very nice man and that I hoped he found someone terrific, I just didn’t think we were connecting.  He obviously had the same idea in that he kinda cut me off, said that he didn’t think we were a match and practically made a bee-line for the door.  Uhm, okay.  I was going to be polite about it at least.

As there was some terrific people watching there, I opted to stay, finish my beer and hang out for a bit.  When the waitress asked if I was doing okay, I said ‘sure, however I just had one of the quickest  and ill fated dates of my life’.  She said she was so sorry and ran away.  Really?  Even waitresses run from me now too?  A minute later she returned with a shot for me.  A yummy little grape concoction that she said was a ‘house shot’ that they offer complimentary for just such occasions.  Very sweet.  We laughed a bit, I thanked her very much and she said she hoped someone would do the same for her.  I totally would!  If I worked in a bar, that is.

Anyway, as I sat there with my shot and looked around the room, I seriously, for the umpteenth time, considered quitting this whole online dating thing and just going back to hanging out in bars (for happy hour, of course, as I’m old now). 😉 Or just growing old alone ………… *sigh*


Fairy Tales and Delusions April 30, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:29 pm
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Instead of demanding my phone number like that other douchebag, I had someone politely request my number after just 2 messages several days ago as he didn’t like to communicate on dating sites.  I get that.  There’s sort of a ‘big brother is watching’ feel to it.  As he asked so nicely (and was a total cutie in his pictures), I gave it to him.  And he actually picked up the phone and called me!  What a nice guy!  We talked for over 2 hours.  We actually have a lot in common and have been texting back and forth.

We are meeting for a drink tomorrow night (I’m writing this in advance and not actually posting it in case something goes horribly wrong …….. or right) and I’m actually nervous.  He’s a 6’2″ red head.  I love me a ginger!  He’s also very physically active and in shape.  Sadly, I am far from that right now.  I am honest in my profile and with my pictures, but I still fear that he’s going to take one look at me and run away.  While I’m far from a lazy sloth (most days), since my stupid surgery and repeated rounds of medications that do nothing but make me gain weight paired with my inability to exercise, I’ve certainly got more ‘padding’ than I ever have before.  He knows about all of this, but I still can’t help but wonder if someone like him would really be attracted to a ‘fluffier’ than normal me.

So we met yesterday and we’re running off to Europe together over the weekend.  It’s love!

Okay, not really.  Here’s how it really went.  He showed up and although I was a little bit disappointed in his appearance (he’s more skinny than built), I still knew he was a nice guy, so why not.   We sat and chatted and he looked everywhere but at me when he talked.  Uber annoying, but when I asked him about it, he said he does make eye contact when talking.  Okaaaaaay.  He was a bit opinionated and negative when he spoke, but I chalked that up to being nervous maybe?  Anyway, we had an okay time but as he announced, right off the bat, that he was taking his kids out to dinner later, I kinda got the hint.  We hung out for about an hour or so and he walked me to my car, gave me a hug, told me to keep in touch and even opened the car door for me.  Nice touch.  As I drove home I wondered if it was even worth giving things a 2nd chance just to make sure there was nothing there.  Before I could even decide if a 2nd date would be warranted I got a text message saying that he wasn’t interested.

Huh.  It’s a pretty crappy day when guys I’m not even sure I’m interested in tell me they’re not interested in me…… 😦


Week 2 Run Down February 8, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:28 am
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So you remember all the guys I listed from week one?  Off to a great start, huh?  Yeah, no.  I actually met one (yes, the coffee date that I invited my friend to).  Now they’re all off the list.  Either their fault or mine (probably more theirs though ;-)), they’re no longer options.  Some were flakey, some were rude, some were slackers, 2 were uber nice, but couldn’t pull it together enough to actually keep things rolling or *gasp* ask me to meet.

As I’ve adopted the ‘mirror’ route instead of the ‘chase’ route this go around, I am not going to be the one that suggests meeting.  Or keeps in touch when they don’t.  If we’ve got a good exchange going and then they disappear, I will check in once.  If I don’t hear back, then that’s that.  Looking back, I spent a LOT of time trying to ‘move things along’ in the past.  I did it with TD and probably did it with the 2 guys that I met and liked very much last year.  I don’t want to be the chaser.  I want to be the chase-ee!

So here we are, end of week 2 and I’ve written 2 very nice ‘I don’t think we’re a match’ messages and then sat back and waited for some sort of shitty response.  I never got one.  They were both very nice about it.  The 1st, who I thought had promise despite living in a VERY scary part of time, turned out to have huge issues with not being over his ex yet.  How do I know this?  Well that’s because he spent the 1st 25 minutes of our 1st phone call bitching about her.  When I pointed this out to him, he said ‘well, you asked’.  Uhm, no.  No I didn’t.

The 2nd I actually hated telling ‘no’ to as he seemed like a hugely sweet and thoughtful guy.  He has a very sketchy past though and although everyone deserves a 2nd chance and I don’t hold people’s pasts against them, his was sketchy for a long time and he’s only been on the straight and narrow for less than a year.  I can’t get involved with that.  Not at this point.  My inner ‘fixer’ wanted to jump all over that, but I think my ‘fixing’ days are over.  They never end well.  For me, at least.  He was a sweetheart though.

I might actually be meeting someone for a drink next week that seems very cool and seems to have a lot of the same outlooks and sensibilities that I do (smart, snarky, employed; you know, the important stuff).  He lives uber far from me, but I’m going to give it a shot anyway.  That is, if he manages to answer a text message within 10 hours. 😉

To round things out I got a message for someone asking for my phone number.  I politely responded that I don’t give my number out right away and asked him a few innocuous questions.  His response was, in it’s entirety:  ‘up to you about the phone number, I’m not on here often’ (when in fact he always appears ‘online now’).  My next not so polite response was to say that unless he put some effort into writing me a message, he’d never get my number.  I also threw in that it would be nice if he actually bothered to tell me what his name is.  His response, and I shit you not, was ‘Tom.  Can I have your phone number’.  WTF?  Needless to say, I never responded back.  I have since gotten a wink, a ‘hi’ and a ‘like’ from him.  He’s either the dumbest man alive or computer generated.

I haven’t been online or put much effort into it this week, so I’ll try harder next week.  Maybe 😉


Week 1 Line Up February 5, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:28 pm
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As I know all (2) of you have been on the edge of your seats awaiting an update, here is a rundown of my 1st week being back online. And yes, everyone gets a nickname!

Edgy – short, bald, covered in tattoos, great chest and uber nice. His 1st message to me was awesome! Everything it should be. Cute, funny, specifically mentioned some things in my profile and I loved it. We’ve been texting back and forth and spoken on the phone a couple of times, but he seems kind of ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ than planner. I’m too old to not plan. No date set up yet, but he’s still fun to chat with.

Friar Tuck – had a great profile online. Exchanged some good e-mails and then progressed (ooooh) to texting. That, however, started to seem more questionnaire than conversation. Just didn’t flow. The questions just went on and on. No mention of meeting up and then he put the nail in his coffin. He actually complained that I was taking too long to respond to his text messages! Uhm, I work for a living. Oh, and then there was that part where the picture he sent me didn’t quite resemble the ones he has posted on line. Bye bye.

Sniper – nope, not because he has a razor sharp wit, but because he likes guns. Very sweet and complimentary. We met for coffee on Saturday morning and absolutely zero chemistry. So little that when a friend texted me that she was in the area, I told her to come meet us. Yes, I did. I suck. He’s very sweet, very kind, very funny and I hope he finds someone awesome. I’m just not her though.

Out of Towner – we scored pretty high as a match on the quizzes on OkStupid. Messages have been nothing spectacular, but he’s cute and young and seems to have his shit together. He is supposedly in town this weekend/week and he has my number. He just has yet to use it ….. no clue on this one.

Pretty Boy – not sure if his profile is real or not. He has a singular (very attractive) picture up, but could be a magazine stock photo, who knows. His ever so romantic and endearing 1st message to me consisted of ‘what business are you in’. Period. No greeting. No niceties. No name. I wrote back and equally concise ‘what business are you in’. I actually got 2 sentences in response but still no name. I then asked if he was ever going to tell me his name and he finally sent me a somewhat normal message. Still not sure that he’s not a 78 year old Asian woman in real life…. We’ll see. Or not.

Since I’m a week behind in posting this, you’ll just have to wait for the updates on what week #2 has brought me.  Including a recent parolee and a seemingly normal man who is apparently still very angry at his ex……

No prince charmings yet, but I’m not giving up!


Not A Good Time To Be On The Wagon January 25, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:52 am
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So my new profiles have been up less than a day.  I’ve already been asked if I like hugely well endowed Brazilians by someone with the screen name of MagnumLaaaarge (I shit you not).  I’ve also received several messages with the ever intricate ‘hi’ as the entire body of the message (what the hell am I supposed to do with that).  My favorite so far though, and for no other reason than the sheer blatancy of it being a cut and paste job was the nice man who asked me what my name is.  In and of itself that wouldn’t be a bad thing.  Too bad my screen name IS my 1st name as well as my birth year.  Not spelled funky or hidden in a rhyme, just sitting out there for all the world to see.  Oh, sorry, all the world aside from this guy.

Apparently things have changed since I’ve been away from the online world.  On Match, you can now send ‘hellos’ in addition to ‘winks’.  They’re equally as lame, but I guess it’s good to have options?  On OkStupid however, they seem to have lowered their standards.  There used to be a section where you could tab through members’ profiles and rate them, 1 to 5 stars.  For some reason they have changed that to just rating them with either A star or nothing.  I guess they were running low on members who actually rated each other highly?

I know it will get better as I get used to being back online.  If there was ever a doubt, OkStupid was nice enough to put my mind at ease by sending me an e-mail letting me know how hot I was and how many members wanted me.  Gee, thanks….


Lesson Learned….. May 20, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:35 pm
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When last I checked in, I was ‘dating’ 2 men.  And by ‘dating’, I mean going out to dinner.  As that’s all I’m really able to do right now.  One had more potential than the other but I can’t honestly say I was totally excited about either one.  I didn’t want to blog about either of them though as I’ve decided that tempting fate and summoning bad karma probably isn’t a good thing for me right now.

The 1st (and one with less potential) was just SOOOOOO nice.  He complimented me.  Yes, even with my extra 20 pounds and bum knee.  He was sweet and kind and let’s be honest …. boring as hell.  We didn’t have much in common but I did enjoy his company.  We went out a total of 3 times.  I picked up the check on the 3rd, and subsequently last, date.

I opted to give bachelor #2 a shot.  We got along great.  Laughed easily, had fun together and he was a good guy.  Our dates, oddly enough though, never lasted more than an hour.  We would go out to eat and then ….. nothing.  It took him until our 3rd date to even kiss me and darn the luck, it wasn’t good.  Date #4 didn’t involve a kiss as he thought he was getting sick.  I had planned ahead though and studied the restaurant menu online to find what I could order in order to discourage his going in for another try.  Crisis averted.  Then we met for lunch on date #5.  As he had to get back to work, it set an all time record for speed at 41 minutes.  Walking away from lunch, having had him secure plans for Friday, I was feeling okay.  He’s a really good guy.  He’s in good shape, has a good job, makes me laugh and loves his kids.  So he doesn’t knock my socks off … yet.  That could come in time, right?  I could teach him how to kiss.  I think we could have fun together.  Our dates were always very ‘surface’ and neither of us either offered or tried to find out anything deeper about ourselves or the other.  I was determined to change that on our next date…..

I absolutely know that I’m off my game.  I’m not feeling very good about myself.  I’m hugely self conscious about my knee and walking funny.  I’m slightly mortified by my increasingly large ass and I am more than a little bit unorganized and twitterpated since my move.  Well really, since my surgery (I honestly think they removed my memory and ability to organize my thoughts/life along with my knee joint).  Anyway, we’d secured plans for this Friday during our last lunch.  I was hoping that our date would last more than an hour.  For all the times that we went out, we never really got to know much of anything about the other.  I was going to make a concerted effort to change that Friday.

I wasn’t going to blog about anyone with potential.  Maybe to let you all know that there ‘might’ be ‘someone’, but that’s it.  And I held true to that for the past month.  Until he opted to tell me that ‘although I like spending time with you, I don’t think we’re a dating fit’ …. via text.  Nice.  Of course I’m trying to figure out what ‘dating fit’ means.  That I’m not a slut?  That I’m somewhat physically handicapped?  That my ass is the size of Texas?  I don’t know.  And guess I won’t know.  I looked back over our texts and all was fine up until a week ago when contact got a bit more spotty.  I guess I’ll chalk it up to his finding someone he likes better than me.

Guess what though?  My knee will get better eventually.  I’ll be able to do ‘fun’ things again.  I will be able to drop all the weight I’ve gained since being immobile.  I’ll still be alone ….. I’ll just be a better version of me….. and then he’ll be sorry. 😉  Or not …. regardless, that was kinda shitty to dump me via text, doncha think?

Oddly enough, I’m kind of upset about it.  About his not wanting to date me.  Guess it takes being dumped to realize that yeah, I guess I did kinda like that guy…..


Same Shit, Different Day or …….. Did You Really Just Say That? July 14, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:32 pm
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So my profile has been un-hidden on Match for a little over a week now.  And I am already annoyed.  Why?  Not because inappropriately aged men are contacting me.  Not even because ZZ Top look alikes are contacting me.  Not even because they even sent me a ‘match’ today that had his nose pierced.  Twice.  Up front.  With hoops.  Like a bull.  Lucky me.  Needless to say, I passed on the opportunity to start up a chat with him.

There was a very cute guy who winked at me probably about a month ago.  After reading his profile and finding that we actually had a lot in common, I responded not with my usual ‘you do all the work’ wink back, but with a cute little message.  Of course, I never heard back from him.  Whatever.  Until yesterday.  When he sent me a wink again.  So either he’s just an idiot with a memory worse than mine and doesn’t recall that he already winked at me (no clue how he managed to send a 2nd one, btw) or he’s got multiple profiles up and isn’t actually a member so just winks at everyone.  There’s also option C.  That he’s just a dick and knows exactly what he’s doing.  Fine, I can play too.  I winked back.  Too bad there is no option to flip someone off on there.  I’d promise to keep everyone posted on what happens, but I’m pretty sure that will be a big, fat nothing.

After I got done scratching my head about that guy, I read a message from someone else.  Someone who I am quite certain is lying about his age, but as he ‘says’ he’s actually 4 years younger than I am, I’m hoping that he’s actually not over 50.  He looks like a nice, white bread, boring kinda guy.  And he knew my name.  WTF?  He said we had corresponded briefly when he 1st joined about 2 years ago.  I was kinda impressed that he remembered not only my face (all new pics, thank you very much), but my name.  Again we’ve got a few options to choose from here.  He’s either a stalker, an idiot savant, a very nice man with a very good memory, or he keeps a spreadsheet.  As the message he wrote me was pleasant enough, I figured I’d respond.  I was very nice and complimented him on his terrific memory.  I also complimented him on his profile (as it was well written).  In response, I got an explanation that no, he doesn’t actually keep a spread sheet, but just took a guess (really?).  Along with that I got the amazing statement/question/insult of “wow.  You’ve been on here a long time.  What’s the deal?  There are nice guys on here.”  Uhm, I can now see why we only corresponded briefly back then and never met.  Are you kidding me?  I will write him back and say that yes, although I have been on for half a lifetime, I’ve only been ‘active’ on there for a quarter of a lifetime and just because someone is ‘nice’ doesn’t mean that they’re ‘right’.  For me.

And just for the record, I kinda think nice guys are temporarily out of stock where I live.  Just sayin’ …….  Oy, and I just went back to look at his profile and in his main pic, he’s throwing a sideways ‘peace’ sign.  Uhm …… I’m speechless….


Where Have I Been? June 15, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:42 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Hope I didn’t worry the two of you that still follow my inane dribble with my (not so) extended absence.  I’m excited to tell you what has caused such a dip in boring and self pitying posts!  I had a great date last week!  He was tall and handsome and gainfully employed.  He looked like his pictures, has a great sense of humor and seems to think that I’m pretty darn awesome myself!  We’ve been talking & texting and have seen each other 3 times in the past week.  Things are just casual and fun.  And all in my head.  While I’d love to tell you that that’s where I’ve actually been, it isn’t.  I’ve been working.  A lot.  And although I did have a date last week, it sucked.  And he sucked.  And the drinks weren’t even all that good either.

What I’ve really been up to is working.  And working.  And eating.  And dog sitting for my ex boyfriend (from 5 years ago).  And receiving winks from age inappropriate men.  And receiving not just one, but 2 poems from old men (uh, 67 … really?) as well as many form letters and even a few that were actually written with some thought put into customizing them.  Too bad all that thought could have been better put to use by this little thing called spell-check.  Yup, I’m a peach.  At least I’m a peach that can spell.

I really haven’t done much with Match for the past 10 days or so (did I mention that job #2 is trying to kill us with work?).   Although the fact that I’ve been swamped with work does play a big part in this, the fact that most of the guys that contact me look they could have come from a swamp plays into it as well.

I did have a very cute guy wink at me yesterday.  I’ve thought he was cute since the day I signed up originally on Match 3 years ago (really?  3?  it seems SO much longer).   I know it’s the same guy because he has never changed his picture.  Huh.  So he sent a wink and, because he has very nice eyes and wrote a good profile, got one of my patented lame messages in return.  I kept the snark and sarcasm out of it.  Too bad I also left the fun and humor out of it as well.  Hopefully it was enough to be worthy of a response from him.  I guess we’ll see.

In other news, The Teacher, The Pilot, The Ginger, The Little Irish Guy (I can’t remember what the hell I blog-named him) and the one and only guy that I have met so far this year that I really could have liked (until he never asked me out again) ALL still have me under ‘favorites’ on match.  Stellar ………..

Damn I need some good stuff to happen.  I signed up for a bowling meet up tonight because a) I’m bored b) I have to stop being a hermit c) you can drink while you bowl d) it’s thru a group of people that are kinda cool and e) it will amuse me to ‘accidentally’ drop my bowling ball on the foot of the idiot that Speed-dater and I had the misfortune of sitting next to at dinner last week at another meetup and is also going.  🙂


Funny Thing About Date Stamps…… June 5, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:19 am
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So we all know that most some people are less than honest in online dating when photos are involved.  They may ‘think’ they’re being accurate in their presentation of themselves as it’s really them in the photo, however posting a picture from 10 years ago and passing it off as what you look like currently is a bit of a stretch.  While there’s nothing anyone can do about the lovely little tales that online daters present about their non existent personalities, incorrect job descriptions, their love of all things hiking and their apparent ability to be ‘laid back’ in every situation, the picture thing is just annoying.  Sure, not everyone does this, but it seems like more often then not, they do.  At least in my age group (my age group = old).  Why this little post this morning?  I was thinking about The Ginger.  And how excited I was to meet him and how damn adorable I thought he was in his photos.  When a smaller, older version waltzed in to meet me, my heart sank.  No, I’m not entirely superficial (just kinda), but there has to be an attraction and I just couldn’t figure out how I was so far off the mark.  Yesterday I went back to look at his profile and his adorable pictures.  His main pic is what originally caught my attention.  Great smile, great head of red hair, bright eyes …. just cute as hell.  When I clicked on the photo and it expanded the pic from a thumbnail of his face to the full picture I saw that it was a photo of he and his son.  While some will argue that posting pictures of your kids online isn’t right, I actually like it as it shows (or should) that they’re a good dad.  His son is adorable and looks to be about 8 years old in the photo.  Too bad that when we met and were speaking of his kids he told me that his son is 17.  What the hell people?  Post current photos!!!


It’s 5pm Somewhere……… May 31, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:56 pm
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Okay, so I’m starting to write this before I’ve even left.  As we all know I needed a tremendous attitude adjustment before leaving for my date (and to not allow TD to ruin this for me too even though he’s not even around), it was decided that I needed a pre happy hour cocktail.  Yeah, that pretty much means that I’d start drinking at 2.  In the afternoon.  On a Friday.  This would normally not be an issue for me, but as we were meeting at a very nice Mexican restaurant where I’d be enjoying tequila soaked beverages, I didn’t think mixing that with vodka cocktails would be a good idea.  For some reason I don’t think he’d find my throwing up on him charming.  Go figure.  Oh wait, did you just say ‘who he’?  Well, I’ll get to that later.  Let’s just suffice it to say that it was neither the creepy guy with the skull vein nor was it TD.  Or the teacher.  Or any of the other guys that were dumb enough to let me go.  Or who I was smart enough/picky enough/stupid enough to let go.  This was someone new.  And we all know how it’s usually just a recipe for disaster when I get excited about meeting someone.  Here’s hoping this is the date that changes all of that …………. 😉

So I went to meet The Ginger tonight.  We had been e-mailing and texting almost non-stop for the past 2 days.  I very much liked him as he was funny and witty and didn’t wait 3 hours to respond to a text. 🙂 We arranged to meet at 3pm today at a very nice Mexican restaurant that he chose.  I got there early (because I always seem to be early) and grabbed a seat at the bar next to a really funny couple asking if I was there alone.  I told them that I was meeting an internet date and the look of horror that crossed their faces was priceless.  They told me that if I needed help, to act like we were old friends.  I told them that I’d be fine as I was really looking forward to meeting The Ginger.  Or at least the physical specimen of The Ginger that he presented online.  As a shorter, little-r, older version of the cutie I saw online came in I sighed.  Damn.

He sat down and we enjoyed some cocktails and chips, the conversation was fine (mainly because I was just shooting off questions to him) and he apparently loves to talk.  He apparently doesn’t love to ask questions though.  He is terrified of getting into a relationship.  I didn’t inform him of that fact, but when he told me about the woman that he had to break up with as she seemed more into him than he was of her after 2 months and he was afraid she was going to think that they were in a relationship (really? after 2 months?), I knew.  Duh.  He was ‘fine’.  The conversation was ‘fine’.  The whole thing was ‘fine’.  Too bad I’m not looking for ‘fine’.

I think the best part of the date was when he excused himself to the bathroom and the couple next to me tapped me on the shoulder and, in unison, yelled ‘NO, NO, NO’.  Kinda wish they had stayed longer as I would have loved to hang out with them.  As it was though they paid their tab and left right as The Ginger returned from the restroom.  And 2 minutes before The Ginger announces that he needs to go to a store that closes at 6 to pick up a box for a watch he bought the other day.  Uhm, what?  Is that anything like having a friend call to tell you that your house is on fire?  I wish he would have layed that doozy on me 5 minutes earlier and I would have asked the fun couple next to me to stay and hang out.  Sadly, they were gone and my ‘fine’ date was over.  We walked to the parking garage together, he gave me a hug and told me, as 95% of my dates do, ‘I had fun’.  I think that’s the kiss of death.  No, I wasn’t interested in him either but it sure would be nice one of these days to have some guy actually want to see me again so that I can have the opportunity to decide instead of having the decision made for me.  So annoying. 😉


Oh, So NOW I Get It……

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:56 pm
Tags: , , , ,

We’re all familiar with the ‘Thank God It’s Friday’ cheer that rolls around every week.  While I understand it, I don’t work a traditional work week, so it’s never been all that exciting for me.  Sure, I love 2 days off in a row as much as the next idiot with 2 full time jobs and no social life guy, but it rarely happens.  Aside from this weekend.  Yes, both Saturday & Sunday are mine to do with as I please.  Which will inevitably be to catch up on TiVo, play with the dogs, eat like shit and drink alone, but whatever.  I’m a big fan of weekends, don’t get me wrong.  I’ve just never been more excited about a Saturday/Sunday off than I have been about a Monday/Tuesday off.  Until this week.  After completing 2 of the shittiest weeks in the history of , well, me.  For ease of reading, I’ll just list out what these past 12 days have heaped upon me:

1) I was robbed

2) I got in trouble at job #2 not only for getting robbed (yes, they’re a very special company), but a second time for screwing up

3) I was informed that I will be switching ‘teams’ meaning that I will have a new boss.  A new boss that won’t put up with anything not strictly by the book.  A new boss that has no one else on his team with another job.  A new boss that apparently drew the short straw.  Awesome.

4) A shitty e-mail from TD’s ex

5) An unsympathetic call from TD regarding aforementioned shitty e-mail

6) A date with a very creepy looking man with a bulging vein in his bald head (who, when I was telling another friend about him knew exactly who I was talking about as she’s met him too.  and was equally as creeped out) who wants to live to be 25 and pretty much judged me the entire time

7) A date with a very nice teacher who opted to end the date mid-sentence on me

8) A follow-up e-mail from TD’s ex wife that made her 1st one seem almost pleasant

9) Another call from TD to let me know that he was going to ‘stay out of it’ aka: not defend me or tell his ex that she’s totally out of line and off the mark (thinking of posting the last one she sent…….stay tuned) ~ in essence announcing that after almost 2 years of being the world’s biggest doormat/dumbass/pathetic puppy/overly trusting moron doing pretty much everything for TD and his kids, that I rank somewhere right below sugar ants in importance

10) The realization that I am, in fact, the loser that bitchtastic ex accused me of being (although she’s a f*ing train wreck, but I think that makes it even worse that she thinks I’m pathetic)

11) It’s going to hit record temps this weekend, so no fun outside

12) I had a creepy man send me a creepy photo via text

13) Only one of the guys that I messaged, winked at, favorited opted to respond

14) Was supposed to go to a fun lock & key event tonight (men have keys, women wear locks ….. all very phallic) but my friend cancelled on me …… again

15) My knee, for some awesome reason is the size of a cantaloupe ……. and it’s shorts season!

Damn, I’m sure there’s more, but I think that is MORE than enough for me to be screaming THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY from the top of my lungs.  Now that my little bitching/whining fest is over (for now ~ you’re welcome), I will tell you that I need a definite attitude adjustment in the next hour as I am going to happy hour at 3.  And it’s 1:45.  Any my hair looks like shit………and as I’ve not been excited about much of anything lately, I find myself really wanting things to go well so could use some crossed fingers/legs/toes/arms/whatevers on this front please.  Pretty please?  If you do, I promise to post ALL the e-mails back and forth so that each and every one of you two can realize ‘hey, my life isn’t so bad in comparison to the shit that seems to follow GG’ 😉

Thank God It’s Friday all!!!


Mirroring May 29, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:16 pm
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You know, that thing that lame dating coaches say we’re supposed to do.  If he calls, you call back.  If he texts, you respond.  If he leans in, you lean in.  For some asinine reason, we are advised against making any ‘first moves’.  As we all know, I rarely (if ever) follow that little tidbit of advice.  As I’m still a bit pissed/sad/upset/shocked that TD’s ex sent me that horrific nastrygram yesterday forbidding me from seeing the kids and basically making me sound like the biggest loser/idiot on the planet (I kinda am), I decided that instead of feeling sorry for myself, I would distract myself.  By going online.  To Match.  To look for my next bad date guys.  Who did I see staring back at me but a darling little ginger with lots of teeth and a great smile!  Ohhhh, I love gingers!  Too bad they don’t love me.  Nor do brunettes.  Or blondes.  Or bald guys apparently.  Anywho, I opted to pull out my old stand by of ‘wink and favorite’.  I sent him a lame wink (which he was notified of) and then added him to my favorites list (which he was notified of).  Although uber lame in comparison to writing an actual message and putting some effort into it, this lets the guy know that I am interested and hopefully he’ll make the 1st move; aka write me.  This particular ginger however, must have read the same dating advice that I did in regards to ‘mirroring’ and apparently thought it was a much better idea than I did.  Why do I say this?  Because moments after I winked at him and added him to my favorites list I got a notification that he winked at me.  And added me to his favorites list.  WTF?


I Need To Stop Checking My E-Mails May 28, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:22 pm
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As apparently nothing good ever comes of it.  In addition to receiving yet another fairly scathing e-mail from TD’s ex wife this morning full out attacking me (I guess the veiled insults in her 1st message to me were too taxing, so she just opted to lay them all out there in this latest one), I received an e-mail from The Teacher.  You remember, the one that, mid sentence, says ‘well, let’s wrap this up and get out of here’ (or something like that).  Anyway, he sent me a message this morning telling me all about his weekend.  How he went kayaking with his brother and then helped him with some construction.  How it was a busy & productive weekend.  How he saw otters.  How high the river waters were.  How it’s now time to start his summer resolutions (gym, anyone?).  After filling me in on all that’s happened since our 47 minute long date, he said that although it was nice meeting me, that he didn’t feel that special ‘spark’ and wanted to know if I had.  Uhm, what do you think?

I think it should be illegal for guys that I’m not sure about (or are certain that I don’t like) opt to reject me 1st.  😉



Dr AWESOME is Kinda Not So Awesome….. May 26, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:14 pm
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So we all know I was less than enthused about meeting Dr AWESOME today.  Not sure why I went through with it.  What you don’t know is that in addition to that stellar text he sent me yesterday, he sent me several more.  1 asking me for a photo of myself that he could put on his phone (creepy & no).  1 asking if we could push our meeting time back a bit (yey as it gave me the opportunity to say ‘sure, but I won’t have much time to spend with you ;-)).  1 was a picture of himself.  An unsolicited and unappreciated one.  Of him, standing in a full length mirror showing off his well-defined biceps, triceps, legs & er ……. yeah.  Thanks.  Why the hell would you send me a picture of you in light grey tight boxer briefs that pretty much show everything (including the sock I’m sure he stuffed down there)?  Gross.  I should have cancelled but needed a good blog post.  No, really, I give guys waaaay too much credit sometimes for actually being AWESOME instead of just CREEPY and hoped that there would be some saving grace.

Anywho, departure time comes to go meet him and as I’m so very excited, I opt out of changing clothes and instead head out in my wrinkled grey capri pants, bright pink off the shoulder top and flip flops.  Complete with chipped toe-nail polish.  For some odd reason though my hair looks really good today, so maybe that will counterbalance everything else.  Or maybe I don’t even care.  As I am headed towards my beloved coffee date destination (insert sarcasm here), I get a text that he’s running late.  AWESOME. ;-)Meh, he’s driving all the way over to my side of town, so he’s forgiven.  And as it will give us less time to actually spend together since I have a prior engagement with my couch and my dogs at 2 that I told him about, I’m kinda glad.  I know, I know, he’s a lucky guy.  Keep in mind though, that AMAZINGLY gross picture he sent me last night.

I get there and text him that I’m sitting outside.  He arrives, all 5’9″ of him in shiny exercise shorts, tennis shoes and a mustard yellow colored sleeveless workout shirt.  Huh.  Apparently I didn’t need to worry about what I was wearing.  Immediately Mr. Sports Medicine Guru/Motivational Speaker Nimrod starts lecturing me on how AWESOME life is.  How AMAZING he is.  How SHITTY most of the human population is.  And random other uber judgemental things.  Here are just a few highlights:

1) He wants to live until he’s 125

2) He thinks Americans eat like shit and has actually made up his own acronym for it S.A.D. ‘standard american diet’.  He thinks that ANY disease/illness can be cured through diet.

3) He thinks he’s absolutely AMAZING

4) He wants to work forever and never retire

5) He loves being on the ‘go’ all the time

Here were my observations:

1) Who the hell wants to live that long and watch everyone around them die?

2) Why on earth would you lump ‘everyone’ in the same category

3) He really needs a bit more S.A.D. in his all fruit/vegetable/raw/vegan diet as he’s got about 3% body fat and veins bulging out of his arms, legs and bald head (not a good look for anyone!)

Of course the second I decided he was a totally narcissistic horse’s ass, I opted to have some fun and disagree with everything he said.  Funny, he didn’t like to be challenged on his beliefs.  Go figure.  After about 20 minutes of listening to him spew his ridiculous nonsense, I told him I had to go.  Sadly, he opted to give me a hug, so I totally obliged with an ‘ass out’ one and hurried off to my car.  As I was pulling out of the parking lot and texting my AWESOME dating coach I receive a text from him saying that he didn’t feel a spark (oh darn) but that he’d like to be friends.  Isn’t that sweet?  Uh, no.  Not only would I never date him but I actually see no great benefit to being friends with someone who feels they are far superior to everyone else.  And believe me folks…….he isn’t.

As a final fuck you to Dr AWESOME, I stopped at McDonald’s on the way home to enjoy some S.A.D.  What a jackass……..