43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Deleted …. And, What Did You Just Ask Me? May 22, 2017

I deleted my last online profile.  Again.  I also waved goodbye to Bumble.  Yes, Again.  I have neither the time nor inclination to do the online dating ‘dance’ right now.  To give you an idea, here are the last 3 interactions I’ve had with online guys:

Bachelor #1: Hi, what are you doing tonight?

Me: Going to an outdoor concert with a group of friends, You?

Bachelor #1: I’m in Costa Rica.  Who are you going with?

Me: Oh, well you win!  I hope you’re having an amazing time.  I’m going with a group of friends that I go with every year.

Bachelor #1: Do I know any of them?

Me: What the fuck?! We’ve never met, how would I know?  Uhm, I have no clue if we have any friends in common

Bachelor #1: I know, LOL

end scene……….

Bachelor #2 is the one that I met last Monday.  He texts me Friday morning to see if I was in town this weekend, as I’ve been away the past 3 weekends.  I let him know that I actually AM in town this weekend!  And then nothing …….. nice.  The most annoying part is that, just for a millisecond, I allowed myself to get a little excited that he wanted to see me again.

Bachelor #3 texts me with ‘hello beautiful’ about every 3 days while making no effort or mention of ever actually meeting.  2 days ago he sent me a flower emoji.  Today he sent me a ‘thinking of you, Grey Goose’.  I will NEVER understand the ‘penpal’ mentality of so many people online.  If I want to text one liners with someone twice a week, I can do that with friends.  Why go on a dating site if you never want to meet?

So, for now, I will stick with getting my butt in gear for that big change that I mentioned a post or two ago and not worry about men.  Or boys, as the case may be….

 

Don’t Ask What You Don’t Want To Know… May 17, 2017

I’ve long subscribed to this way of thinking.  Also known as ‘bury your head in the sand’.  I’ve almost perfected it.  Almost.  Not always the best way to go about (or not go about as the case may be) things.  On my never ending quest to evolve and stop being such a whiny baby, I am trying to be an adult about some thing.  Just some.  No need to panic.

Remember Repo Man?  The seemingly great guy from Bumble that I never actually met?  The one who started a ‘relationship’ with (aka, slept with her) the day before we were supposed to meet?  The one who checked in on me the entire time he was dating said train wreck?  The one who, when he broke up with said train wreck, told me that he wanted to meet but wasn’t quite ready yet?  The one who, when he was ready, and after several phone calls, proceeded to cancel our 2nd date due to his dad being sick never to be heard from again?  Yeah, that one.

It’s been bugging me as to what ever happened.  Yes, I know, but I am apparently no longer the gal that didn’t give a shit what guys thought and knew that if a guy passed me up, that it was his loss and not mine.  Damn.

As neither of us ever unmatched the other on Bumble, we could both see that the other was still on there.  He even changed his profile photo about a month ago. What?  He’s right there, on my home page!  Anywhoo, today is the day I figured I would ask.  Couldn’t hurt, right?  Yes, I know “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”.  I always kind of knew in the back of my mind that he was playing with me.  That I was his Plan B.  I joked about it, until I realized it was true. Oh.  Shit.

So I texted him today asking what ever happened.  And he told me.  And although I know full well that it had nothing to do with ‘me’, it still made me feel like shit.  He apologized for being a flake.  He apologized for not contacting me.  He apologized for not following through.  He claimed that he didn’t want to take me on the ‘roller coaster ride’ that he was on.  I LOVE roller coasters!  Well, not the emotional ones.

He has been ‘off and on’ with his ex.  The ex that I counseled him on.  The one that he said was thoughtless and self-centered, yet gorgeous.  The one that he absolutely didn’t see a future with.  You know the 1st fucked up thought that came to my mind when reading this?  Well, why wouldn’t he call me during one of his ‘off’ times?  How messed up is that?! I know full well that I should thank him for not dragging me into his indecision, but instead I wondered what it was about me that made him (and so many others) decide that I wasn’t even worth exploring? Damn, I hate days like this ……

 

 

I Think I’m Dating A 13 Year Old Girl May 16, 2017

No, not really, but I knew that would get your attention. 😉 As is my new MO when writing a post, I justify my absence as ‘nothing interesting going on’.  This time, however, I have not written in a while because I have A LOT going on.  Big changes are in the works.  BIG.  Not ready to divulge the details as of yet, so for now, I will update you on the average 49 year old’s adventures on Bumble.  I have 3, count ’em, 3 whopping bachelors to fill you in on.

As the universe, and several select big mouthed friends have suggested (and by suggested, I mean they full on insult me and think nothing of it), I need to expand my horizons when considering men.  As I’ve explained umpteen times before, I am open to all sorts of men.  Tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, cute ones, not so cute ones, quirky ones and just about every other option out there.  Oh, aside from incarcerated.  Or drug addicted.  Oh yeah, or smokers.  Sorry, not kissing an ashtray.  I really do care more about personality, kindness and intelligence more than looks.

Anywho, bachelor #1 is sweet as can be.  We have a lot of personality traits in common.  He’s smart and considerate and kind.  He also sends me at least one selfie a day.  Uhm, what?  I don’t understand that.  I don’t take, nor do I send, selfies.  As we’ve already met in person, I know what he looks like.  I can’t quite figure out the thought process behind this constant influx of selfies.  After the first couple, I responded with ‘cute’ or ‘love that shirt’.  After the 10th, I just don’t respond anymore.  It’s just weird.  I don’t know what to say.  They’re all PG, mind you, but still.  We met last Monday for cocktails and he was as cute and interesting in person as I expected him to be.  He was also every inch shorter than me that I feared.  As in six.  Six inches.  (*insert that’s what she said joke here) SIX INCHES shorter than I am.  Can’t do it.  He is almost literally half my size in every regard.  I hope he understood my ‘friend vibe’, but I fear he didn’t.  He even toasted to ‘new friends’ when we met.  That tells me he gets it.  The deluge of selfies and ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts however, does not.

Bachelor #2 I think I am going to opt out of meeting.  He too likes to send selfies.  He too is shorter than me (but only by 3 inches).  He also seems exceptionally self involved and keeps telling me how awesome a friend and person he is.  Okaaaaaay.  Contrary to popular belief, I do actually think the best of people until they prove me wrong.  I do feel that people that announce certain traits of theirs are a bit disingenuous.  Why would you announce that you’re not a player?  Why would you announce that you’re an amazing friend?  Why would you announce that you’re very protective of all your 437 female friends?  Maybe it’s just me, but I think those that feel the need to announce how amazing they are, usually aren’t.  We also have a mutual acquaintance in common.  He thinks she’s awesome.  I think she’s a complete shit-show.  I’m just not getting a good ‘feel’ for this one.

Bachelor #3 I met last night and he is every bit as handsome as I had hoped.  He’s also every bit of his 6’2″ height.  I’ll tell you more about this one as I figure it out! 🙂

 

Who Does What February 1, 2017

So we all know that I have a groundbreaking 2 dates this week.  One with someone I was ‘meh’ about and one with someone that I am fairly excited about.  Yeah, I know, that doesn’t bode well for me, but with my new and improved 2017 positive attitude regarding my love-life (see? I’m not even going to add ‘or lack thereof’ when mentioning my love life….oh, wait), I’m trying to keep those thoughts at bay.  And I fully intend to fall in love on Friday.  Shit, that’s night right either, is it?

So anywhoo, I have 2 dates lined up with 2 men that have completely different communication styles.  Of course I prefer one style over the other, and although a combination of frequency and content would be ideal, that just ain’t happening….

Bachelor #1:

1. Texts daily with a ‘hi’ a ‘how are you’ or a ‘good morning’. Oddly enough, his good morning texts usually come in around noon or 1pm. Huh….

2. His texts are not very engaging and are usually just a few words in response.  As you well know from reading my blathering, I can TALK.

3. He picked a time and place for our date well in advance and has already reconfirmed with me.

4. He has told me how excited he is to meet me and actually asked if we could move our date up sooner

Bachelor #2

1) Does not text often, but when he does they are conversational in tone and go on for a while.

2) Although he locked down a day for our date, I am still awaiting information on time and location (tic toc, as I write this it’s 2 days before said date)

3) He has told me (repeatedly) how excited he is to meet me and that he wished that Friday would get here sooner,  but hasn’t been in contact the past 3 days (yes, I keep track of these things – welcome to my world)

I’m sure you can figure out which one I am more excited about meeting.  Of course it’s the one that does not check in often or put my overly imaginative/over-thinking/neurotic mind at ease.

I’m working on the whole ‘if it was meant to be, it will be’ as well as the confidence that I should have going into this and knowing that if he’s the guy I think he is, that I have nothing to worry about.  Easier said than done.  And to prove that point, I give you this post.  We haven’t even met yet for shit’s sake.  Why am I even thinking ahead on this?  Oh, that’s right.  Because I’m me ……….

 

How Not To Date January 18, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:34 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

I don’t mean by not actually dating (which is what I have been perfecting lately).  I mean more along the lines of what NOT to say to your date upon meeting.

To everyone’s surprise, it wasn’t actually me that stuck my foot in my mouth last Monday.  Repeatedly.

He seemed nice enough on Bumble and offered to drive to my side of town, so why not?  I arrived to the location before him and was just inside the door when he showed up behind me.  I turned to give him a hug and had to bend down a bit.  Huh, although I state my height in my Bumble profile, apparently being 2 inches shorter than I am wasn’t an issue for him.  Okay, no biggie.  I dated someone who was 5’8″ when I was in my 20s.  He was a darling little hottie who just used to stand up on the curb while I stood in the street in order to kiss me.  But he was a cutie and uber sweet so his being vertically challenged didn’t faze me in the least.

Sadly (for me) my date last Monday wasn’t so blessed with manners.  We grabbed a table and started chatting.  Well, to be clear, he started chatting and never EVER stopped.  Within the 1st 20 minutes I knew all there was to know regarding his previous relationships (including 3 marriages), his job, his multiple side jobs, the screws in his knee, his cynicism regarding today’s youth, his love of Trump, his finances and just about every other detail that needed to be known by date #3.  Too bad it all took place in the 1st 20 minutes of date #1.

He never took a breath.  He also never asked me a single thing about myself.  However, he did manage to fit in multiple slams on me.

  1. While rambling on about the youth of today and how unwilling to work they are (generalize much?) he says ‘I have no idea what you do for a living, but …. blah blah blah’ …… uhm, you could ask.  Or actually read my profile where it does, in fact, state what I do.
  2. While telling me about wives number 1 through 3, he lets me know that he is usually attracted to twigs.  Okay.  Then he tells me about girlfriend number whatever who he dated for 3 years and says ‘I usually date such skinny women that I was surprised that I was attracted to someone your size’.  Uhm, what the fuck?!
  3. He made it clear that he thinks most women take advantage of the generosity of men and don’t actually have to work very hard as they are given everything.

There were more, but these were probably the top 3.  As he didn’t take a breath long enough for me to interject anything, I just sat there wide eyed.  I actually even thought for a millisecond that he might just be nervous and has an unfortunate way of stating things, so I kinda let it go.

Until I didn’t.  I’d had enough.  I told him that if he wanted to know what I did for a living, he was free to ask as most initial meetings involve an exchange of information   He did ask then.  And I told him, and he immediately turned the conversation back to him.

When he swung back around to dating petite women with big boobs, I explained that there was a probably a better way to relay his delving into the world of average sized women than by insulting the woman sitting across from him.  That he probably shouldn’t say ‘your size’ as it could be taken the wrong way.  He then told me that I was wrong about that.  Uhm, no, no I’m not.  As I’m the one sitting across from you and listening to the intonation in your voice, I absolutely think the comment was insulting.  Dumbass.

Best part of all?  He got PISSED when, after an hour and a half, I said to him that I wasn’t quite sure what to make of our interaction.  Before I could excuse myself and wish him a good night, he bellows ‘just go’.  My god!  I’ve never dealt with such a situation.  Still, just because he was an ass doesn’t mean I need to be too (I know, I know, but I’m evolving).  I went home with every intention to log into Bumble and say that it was nice (lie) meeting him and that I hope he finds someone terrific (another lie).  In the 2.5 minutes that it took me to get home, he deleted me.  Le sigh ……. not.  Did I mention he had dirty fingernails?  And before anyone bashes me, I’m all for blue-collar jobs and working with your hands (insert lewd 13-year-old boy humor here), but as he had the day off, it would have been nice if he’d have put in a little effort…