43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Two for Two April 30, 2021

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:22 am
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I suppose I owe an update for my slamming 2 date weekend a couple of weeks ago. I know absolutely noone everyone has been sitting on the edge of their seats waiting. Or not, whatever. I actually had 2 back to back Bumble dates! What?!? 1 I was a bit more excited about than the other. 1 got a meticulously chosen outfit, freshly washed hair and makeup that took more than a few minutes to apply. As an aside, I am the only one that forgot how to apply makeup (or wear a bra, for that matter) during last year’s pandemic shut ins? Anywhoo, date #1 got all of this. Date #2 just got a rerun of it all. Seriously, I wore the exact same outfit.

So I met date #1 at a nice bar/restaurant not far from my house. We seemed to have much in common and he just seemed super nice. I don’t know if he took a page out of the Grey’s book of how to be a big turn off, but in person our conversations were stilted, he seemed kinda negative and he asked very few questions about me. I get it, ya know? If the chemistry isn’t there it isn’t there. It definitely wasn’t there. We lasted about an hour. He left it with ‘I want to date around and decide what I want’. I left it with ‘thanks for the drink; it was nice meeting you’. He had unmatched me on Bumble by the time I got home all of 5 minutes later. As we had swapped phone numbers, I sent a quick, ‘I see you unmatched me; it was nice meeting you and I hope you meet someone amazing’ or some other such bullshit. I just really wanted to call him out on doing the lame option instead of manning up and sending the uncomfortable text.

Date #2 seemed nice online. We had some things in common. He was new to town and just seemed like a good guy. And he was. He arrived early for our date/meeting/interview/whatever, chose a nice bar/restaurant, scoped out the perfect corner seats at the bar and was there waiting when I got there. He wasn’t exactly as his photos portrayed, but he had a great smile. We chatted easily about a variety of things. We shared some appetizers and cocktails and had a really good time. He prefaced our ordering with ‘order whatever you’d like, it’s on me’. I thought that was nice. As I would never take advantage of anyone’s kindness or generosity, I didn’t go hog wild. Yey me! He walked me to my car and gave me a big hug. I said ‘thank you for a great time and for the yummy food and cocktails, I’d love to do this again sometime if you’re up for it”. He said it was nice meeting me and he had fun. Uh oh. No agreement to meeting again. Whoopsie. By the time I got home I had already received a text reiterating that he had a really good time. Oh, maybe I was wrong. I replied me too. And there, my friends, our blossoming romance ended. Haven’t heard from him since.

I’ve been chatting with a few other men on the app but no one that I’m super excited about. Especially the one who used the world’s dumbest ‘alias’ and wouldn’t tell me his real name as ‘it’s very unique and he’s pretty well known’. Uhm, what the fuck dude? Men …… boo ……

 

Overlap April 16, 2021

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:25 am
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The world of online dating is a bit inbred. Many people fishing in the same pond. Sometimes it’s fun to compare notes with friends to see who WE have met. Who WE are chatting with. Who WE like. My bff in town is infringing on my cespool of options at the moment. She’s gorgeous. Tall, blonde, smart and successful. She’s much more high maintenance than I in the self-care department and is a much snazzier dresser, but she’s a catch. As am I. I think. We’ve often been asked if we are sisters. I take it as a huge compliment. I assume I’m the Cinderella of the two, just minus the fireplace and soot, but I’ll take it!

We usually aren’t fishing at the same time, so it’s never been much of an issue. Until now. I have a ‘meet and greet’ on today. My 1st in a loooong time. She met the same ‘fish’ on yesterday. Seems kinda weird. After she told me that she was meeting him, I opted not to tell her that I was as well. I mean what are the chances that we both actually like the same guy? Slim at best. I didn’t talk to her after her date so do not know how it went. I did not tell ‘him’ that she and I are friends.

We have very different views on relationships and what we are looking for. Well, to be completely accurate, I’m pretty sure we have the same wants/needs but she works SUPER hard on acting like she doesn’t care. She does. I know she does. She most likely knows she does too, but tries her hardest to act like she doesn’t. While I am quite positive that she is witty and funny and inquisitive and nice on her ‘meet and greets’, I am also quite positive she consciously gives off the impression that she is completely carefree, independent and can ‘take it or leave it’ when she meets someone. I know she gets her hopes up like everyone else does. I know she gets invested like everyone else does. I hope she finds her person, just not out of my pond. 😉

Anywhooooo, I left it up to said ‘fish’ (no one gets a blog name until we actually meet) to select where to meet and he did good! We’re meeting at 4pm today for drinks. No clue what I’m going to wear. As I have all but forgotten how to properly dress myself and apply makeup since the pandemic, fingers crossed everyone!

That’s it for now. Wish me luck!!! 🙂

 

I May Need Longer Arms April 13, 2021

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:14 am
Tags: , , , ,

We all (yes, all 2 of us) know my affinity for bad decisions all things woo woo. My senile memory will never remember what everything stands for or the metaphysical properties of them, but I love me some stones and crystals. I wear balancing stones. Stones that help with alignment and self awareness and calmness and trusting and whatever else I feel I need help with. I lean towards the ridiculously self aware, self critical and overthinking. I wear Rose Quartz and Tiger’s Eye, Dalmation Jasper, Amethyst, Howlite, Clear Quartz and other healing stones. One that I have recently added and is apparently MUCH needed in response to my ridiculous reaction to the news of Mr. OoT and his impending nuptials (June 12th for those that would like to mark their calendars for this auspicious occasion) is Citrine. I am not a fan of yellow. I am blonde and have always found yellow anything to make me look jaundiced. Apparently Citrine and the color yellow are good for self love and self confidence. Apparently I am lacking in both regards. *insert collective ‘no shit’*

There is no other explanation for spending more than 12.5 seconds pondering ‘why not me’ when it comes to Mr. OoT. I read back on all my old blog posts, I read through all my saved text messages where he picked a million fights with me for no reason, always put himself 1st and said the most awful and hurtful things to me when he was angry with me (which was often). I am 53 fucking years old. How on earth can all my common sense fly out the window when it comes to and came to him? Gah I’m annoying to myself (and all those around me).

Anywhoo, although I know you’re not supposed to pair more than a few stones at a time, I have literally loaded up! I wear 7 different stones on a chain around my neck. I now wear 6 different beaded bracelets. I’ve always loved me some accessories and I am very well weighted down at the moment. I like them and they make me happy, so who cares.

So, back to The Wedding, which Mr. OoT has actually told his favorite sister (who HATES the bride to be and I couldn’t love her more for it) ‘you’re invited, don’t come’. What the ever living fuck? Who invites and dis-invites someone in the same breath? So weird. So the wedding which every single member of his super large family is against takes place June 12th. Know what happens that same week? The OoT family reunion which I was and still am invited to. I kinda hate Mr. OoT, but I truly adore his family (3 sisters, 3 brothers, 1 amazing dad, dozens of nieces and nephews) and they love me. I’m still invited. I still plan on going. I think. I have 2 months to get my head on straight and be able to enjoy everyone while ignoring/not caring about Mr. OoT and his new frumpy as hell bride. The family has rented a huge house on a lake near a national park about 7 hours from me with plenty of room for everyone. The reunion is in celebration of their dad’s 74th (I think) birthday. I’ve written about Mr. OoT’s dad before. He is one of the kindest, most amazing men ever. He sees Mr. OoT for who he is and has told me many times that he hopes that I stay a part of his family. That he couldn’t love me more than one of his own kids or daughter’s in law. Super sweet. We stay in touch and I drove to his town to take him to lunch a few weeks ago when I returned from my winter escape.

Most of his sisters have checked in on me. One of his ex wives has left a sweet comment on a post of mine. His daughter and I enjoy joking about the shit-show in the making. This could be a very healing trip for me or a very self destructive one. My love of his family is something separate than whatever it is or ever was that I felt for Mr. OoT. He rarely shows up to family events anyway and honestly, most of the family has flat out told me that they would happily dis-invite him to any family event if it made me feel uncomfortable. While I would never ask them to do that, the thought does make me smile.

I guess I’ll see how I feel about all of this in about 8 weeks. Oh, and as a reward for the 2 of you that are left still reading this and busily shaking your heads and rolling your eyes at me, here’s a little gift. I’m doing okay. I’ve been making myself go out more and not wallow. Oh, and I’m back on Bumble. And have a date on Friday. You’re welcome 😉

 

The Ginger February 6, 2018

I love me a good ginger.  No, really.  No clue what it is about red haired men, but I just love them.  I find them quirky and funny and by and large, just really good guys.  So of course when I was sitting at a friend’s house and we were companionably swiping on our Bumble options side by side, we came across the same cute ginger at the same time.  While I went ‘yey, a ginger!’ she went ‘bleck’.  Oh well, that’s what makes the world go round, I guess.  Left swipes and Right ones (figuratively and literally).

I messaged back and forth with The Ginger for a while and discovered that he’s not actually from here.  Oh.  Boo.  He travels for business.  I called him out on having a bumble in every port and he clarified that it’s a fun way to meet a new friend for a drink when traveling.  Oh, okay.  Makes sense.  I totally believed him (which, as you know, it’s not a strong point of mine) and asked when he was leaving town.

I ended up meeting him the next night for drinks at a place that I chose.  He was adorable.  In a total Richie Cunningham sort of way.  For those of you that are too young to understand that reference, fuck off your loss.  It was a bit stilted and awkward at 1st, but either due to the vodka sodas or just feeling more comfortable with one another, it turned into a great date!!  We ended up staying for hours; talking, laughing, telling stories and just generally having a really good time.  No clue if there were any sparks (on either end), but as he doesn’t live here anyway, I took it for what it was.  A really fun evening.  We ended up exchanging numbers and said we’d keep in touch.

Now, if only I could have a date that good with someone local………..

 

Support January 31, 2018

It’s important.  And I’m not talking about in a new bra kinda way.  Although I did just get some of those in the anticipation that someone might actually see them in the not so distant future, but we all know how that went.  So for now, it’s just me & my dog that get to partake in the visual.  However, my online dates get to benefit from the newly found perk.  But I digress …..

I fixate.  A lot.  For a strong, independent Type A personality, I am oddly needy and insecure at times.  Usually around men.  Oh hell, who am I kidding?  Always around men. Men that I like. No clue when this all started as I didn’t used to be this way.  I was the one in college that would party with, sleep with and not give a care about some of the hottest and nicest guys on campus.  I just wasn’t worried about it.  I was young and cute and had my shit together.  That seems like a lifetime ago.

Anywhoo, you all know my new theory about dating down.  About only dating guys that don’t make me insane.  Only dating guys that I will be happy to see, but not obsess about if I don’t.  The way I fixate on men is truly disturbing.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean fixate in a Glenn Close, boiled pet bunny sort of way.  My fixations only wreak havoc on my own psyche and that of my friends as they have to listen to me spin out of control.

I was out with my best girlfriend in town last night.  Her son and several of his friends were there as well.  I stated my new dating decision to her.  She looked at me inquisitively and I said, with as much self awareness as I’ve always had ‘I just can’t handle dating men that I’m totally into; it makes me a little insane’.  Being the good and supportive friend that she is, she rolled her eyes and declared ‘no shit’.  She fully supports this new decision of mine.

I am off to meet a new online date.  I promise you that if he is too handsome, too nice, too smart, too witty, too anything, that I will high tail it out of there as fast as I can.  Here’s hoping that he’s ‘just nice enough’ for me to not spin out of control……..

 

Protected: Netflix and Chill January 22, 2018

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Deleted …. And, What Did You Just Ask Me? May 22, 2017

I deleted my last online profile.  Again.  I also waved goodbye to Bumble.  Yes, Again.  I have neither the time nor inclination to do the online dating ‘dance’ right now.  To give you an idea, here are the last 3 interactions I’ve had with online guys:

Bachelor #1: Hi, what are you doing tonight?

Me: Going to an outdoor concert with a group of friends, You?

Bachelor #1: I’m in Costa Rica.  Who are you going with?

Me: Oh, well you win!  I hope you’re having an amazing time.  I’m going with a group of friends that I go with every year.

Bachelor #1: Do I know any of them?

Me: What the fuck?! We’ve never met, how would I know?  Uhm, I have no clue if we have any friends in common

Bachelor #1: I know, LOL

end scene……….

Bachelor #2 is the one that I met last Monday.  He texts me Friday morning to see if I was in town this weekend, as I’ve been away the past 3 weekends.  I let him know that I actually AM in town this weekend!  And then nothing …….. nice.  The most annoying part is that, just for a millisecond, I allowed myself to get a little excited that he wanted to see me again.

Bachelor #3 texts me with ‘hello beautiful’ about every 3 days while making no effort or mention of ever actually meeting.  2 days ago he sent me a flower emoji.  Today he sent me a ‘thinking of you, Grey Goose’.  I will NEVER understand the ‘penpal’ mentality of so many people online.  If I want to text one liners with someone twice a week, I can do that with friends.  Why go on a dating site if you never want to meet?

So, for now, I will stick with getting my butt in gear for that big change that I mentioned a post or two ago and not worry about men.  Or boys, as the case may be….

 

Don’t Ask What You Don’t Want To Know… May 17, 2017

I’ve long subscribed to this way of thinking. Also known as ‘bury your head in the sand’. I’ve almost perfected it. Almost. Not always the best way to go about (or not go about as the case may be) things. On my never ending quest to evolve and stop being such a whiny baby, I am trying to be an adult about some thing. Just some. No need to panic.

Remember Repo Man? The seemingly great guy from Bumble that I never actually met? The one who started a ‘relationship’ with (aka, slept with her) the day before we were supposed to meet? The one who checked in on me the entire time he was dating said train wreck? The one who, when he broke up with said train wreck, told me that he wanted to meet but wasn’t quite ready yet? The one who, when he was ready, and after several phone calls, proceeded to cancel our 2nd date due to his dad being sick never to be heard from again? Yeah, that one.

It’s been bugging me as to what ever happened. Yes, I know, but I am apparently no longer the gal that didn’t give a shit what guys thought and knew that if a guy passed me up, that it was his loss and not mine. Damn.

As neither of us ever unmatched the other on Bumble, we could both see that the other was still on there. He even changed his profile photo about a month ago. What? He’s right there, on my home page! Anywhoo, today is the day I figured I would ask. Couldn’t hurt, right? Yes, I know “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”. I always kind of knew in the back of my mind that he was playing with me. That I was his Plan B. I joked about it, until I realized it was true. Oh. Shit.

So I texted him today asking what ever happened. And he told me. And although I know full well that it had nothing to do with ‘me’, it still made me feel like shit. He apologized for being a flake. He apologized for not contacting me. He apologized for not following through. He claimed that he didn’t want to take me on the ‘roller coaster ride’ that he was on. I LOVE roller coasters! Well, not the emotional ones.

He has been ‘off and on’ with his ex. The ex that I counseled him on. The one that he said was thoughtless and self-centered, yet gorgeous. The one that he absolutely didn’t see a future with. You know the 1st fucked up thought that came to my mind when reading this? Well, why wouldn’t he call me during one of his ‘off’ times? How messed up is that?! I know full well that I should thank him for not dragging me into his indecision, but instead I wondered what it was about me that made him (and so many others) decide that I wasn’t even worth exploring? Damn, I hate days like this ……

 

I Think I’m Dating A 13 Year Old Girl May 16, 2017

No, not really, but I knew that would get your attention. 😉 As is my new MO when writing a post, I justify my absence as ‘nothing interesting going on’.  This time, however, I have not written in a while because I have A LOT going on.  Big changes are in the works.  BIG.  Not ready to divulge the details as of yet, so for now, I will update you on the average 49 year old’s adventures on Bumble.  I have 3, count ’em, 3 whopping bachelors to fill you in on.

As the universe, and several select big mouthed friends have suggested (and by suggested, I mean they full on insult me and think nothing of it), I need to expand my horizons when considering men.  As I’ve explained umpteen times before, I am open to all sorts of men.  Tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, cute ones, not so cute ones, quirky ones and just about every other option out there.  Oh, aside from incarcerated.  Or drug addicted.  Oh yeah, or smokers.  Sorry, not kissing an ashtray.  I really do care more about personality, kindness and intelligence more than looks.

Anywho, bachelor #1 is sweet as can be.  We have a lot of personality traits in common.  He’s smart and considerate and kind.  He also sends me at least one selfie a day.  Uhm, what?  I don’t understand that.  I don’t take, nor do I send, selfies.  As we’ve already met in person, I know what he looks like.  I can’t quite figure out the thought process behind this constant influx of selfies.  After the first couple, I responded with ‘cute’ or ‘love that shirt’.  After the 10th, I just don’t respond anymore.  It’s just weird.  I don’t know what to say.  They’re all PG, mind you, but still.  We met last Monday for cocktails and he was as cute and interesting in person as I expected him to be.  He was also every inch shorter than me that I feared.  As in six.  Six inches.  (*insert that’s what she said joke here) SIX INCHES shorter than I am.  Can’t do it.  He is almost literally half my size in every regard.  I hope he understood my ‘friend vibe’, but I fear he didn’t.  He even toasted to ‘new friends’ when we met.  That tells me he gets it.  The deluge of selfies and ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts however, does not.

Bachelor #2 I think I am going to opt out of meeting.  He too likes to send selfies.  He too is shorter than me (but only by 3 inches).  He also seems exceptionally self involved and keeps telling me how awesome a friend and person he is.  Okaaaaaay.  Contrary to popular belief, I do actually think the best of people until they prove me wrong.  I do feel that people that announce certain traits of theirs are a bit disingenuous.  Why would you announce that you’re not a player?  Why would you announce that you’re an amazing friend?  Why would you announce that you’re very protective of all your 437 female friends?  Maybe it’s just me, but I think those that feel the need to announce how amazing they are, usually aren’t.  We also have a mutual acquaintance in common.  He thinks she’s awesome.  I think she’s a complete shit-show.  I’m just not getting a good ‘feel’ for this one.

Bachelor #3 I met last night and he is every bit as handsome as I had hoped.  He’s also every bit of his 6’2″ height.  I’ll tell you more about this one as I figure it out! 🙂

 

Who Does What February 1, 2017

So we all know that I have a groundbreaking 2 dates this week.  One with someone I was ‘meh’ about and one with someone that I am fairly excited about.  Yeah, I know, that doesn’t bode well for me, but with my new and improved 2017 positive attitude regarding my love-life (see? I’m not even going to add ‘or lack thereof’ when mentioning my love life….oh, wait), I’m trying to keep those thoughts at bay.  And I fully intend to fall in love on Friday.  Shit, that’s night right either, is it?

So anywhoo, I have 2 dates lined up with 2 men that have completely different communication styles.  Of course I prefer one style over the other, and although a combination of frequency and content would be ideal, that just ain’t happening….

Bachelor #1:

1. Texts daily with a ‘hi’ a ‘how are you’ or a ‘good morning’. Oddly enough, his good morning texts usually come in around noon or 1pm. Huh….

2. His texts are not very engaging and are usually just a few words in response.  As you well know from reading my blathering, I can TALK.

3. He picked a time and place for our date well in advance and has already reconfirmed with me.

4. He has told me how excited he is to meet me and actually asked if we could move our date up sooner

Bachelor #2

1) Does not text often, but when he does they are conversational in tone and go on for a while.

2) Although he locked down a day for our date, I am still awaiting information on time and location (tic toc, as I write this it’s 2 days before said date)

3) He has told me (repeatedly) how excited he is to meet me and that he wished that Friday would get here sooner,  but hasn’t been in contact the past 3 days (yes, I keep track of these things – welcome to my world)

I’m sure you can figure out which one I am more excited about meeting.  Of course it’s the one that does not check in often or put my overly imaginative/over-thinking/neurotic mind at ease.

I’m working on the whole ‘if it was meant to be, it will be’ as well as the confidence that I should have going into this and knowing that if he’s the guy I think he is, that I have nothing to worry about.  Easier said than done.  And to prove that point, I give you this post.  We haven’t even met yet for shit’s sake.  Why am I even thinking ahead on this?  Oh, that’s right.  Because I’m me ……….

 

How Not To Date January 18, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:34 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

I don’t mean by not actually dating (which is what I have been perfecting lately).  I mean more along the lines of what NOT to say to your date upon meeting.

To everyone’s surprise, it wasn’t actually me that stuck my foot in my mouth last Monday.  Repeatedly.

He seemed nice enough on Bumble and offered to drive to my side of town, so why not?  I arrived to the location before him and was just inside the door when he showed up behind me.  I turned to give him a hug and had to bend down a bit.  Huh, although I state my height in my Bumble profile, apparently being 2 inches shorter than I am wasn’t an issue for him.  Okay, no biggie.  I dated someone who was 5’8″ when I was in my 20s.  He was a darling little hottie who just used to stand up on the curb while I stood in the street in order to kiss me.  But he was a cutie and uber sweet so his being vertically challenged didn’t faze me in the least.

Sadly (for me) my date last Monday wasn’t so blessed with manners.  We grabbed a table and started chatting.  Well, to be clear, he started chatting and never EVER stopped.  Within the 1st 20 minutes I knew all there was to know regarding his previous relationships (including 3 marriages), his job, his multiple side jobs, the screws in his knee, his cynicism regarding today’s youth, his love of Trump, his finances and just about every other detail that needed to be known by date #3.  Too bad it all took place in the 1st 20 minutes of date #1.

He never took a breath.  He also never asked me a single thing about myself.  However, he did manage to fit in multiple slams on me.

  1. While rambling on about the youth of today and how unwilling to work they are (generalize much?) he says ‘I have no idea what you do for a living, but …. blah blah blah’ …… uhm, you could ask.  Or actually read my profile where it does, in fact, state what I do.
  2. While telling me about wives number 1 through 3, he lets me know that he is usually attracted to twigs.  Okay.  Then he tells me about girlfriend number whatever who he dated for 3 years and says ‘I usually date such skinny women that I was surprised that I was attracted to someone your size’.  Uhm, what the fuck?!
  3. He made it clear that he thinks most women take advantage of the generosity of men and don’t actually have to work very hard as they are given everything.

There were more, but these were probably the top 3.  As he didn’t take a breath long enough for me to interject anything, I just sat there wide eyed.  I actually even thought for a millisecond that he might just be nervous and has an unfortunate way of stating things, so I kinda let it go.

Until I didn’t.  I’d had enough.  I told him that if he wanted to know what I did for a living, he was free to ask as most initial meetings involve an exchange of information   He did ask then.  And I told him, and he immediately turned the conversation back to him.

When he swung back around to dating petite women with big boobs, I explained that there was a probably a better way to relay his delving into the world of average sized women than by insulting the woman sitting across from him.  That he probably shouldn’t say ‘your size’ as it could be taken the wrong way.  He then told me that I was wrong about that.  Uhm, no, no I’m not.  As I’m the one sitting across from you and listening to the intonation in your voice, I absolutely think the comment was insulting.  Dumbass.

Best part of all?  He got PISSED when, after an hour and a half, I said to him that I wasn’t quite sure what to make of our interaction.  Before I could excuse myself and wish him a good night, he bellows ‘just go’.  My god!  I’ve never dealt with such a situation.  Still, just because he was an ass doesn’t mean I need to be too (I know, I know, but I’m evolving).  I went home with every intention to log into Bumble and say that it was nice (lie) meeting him and that I hope he finds someone terrific (another lie).  In the 2.5 minutes that it took me to get home, he deleted me.  Le sigh ……. not.  Did I mention he had dirty fingernails?  And before anyone bashes me, I’m all for blue-collar jobs and working with your hands (insert lewd 13-year-old boy humor here), but as he had the day off, it would have been nice if he’d have put in a little effort…