The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

A Trip of a Lifetime January 20, 2020

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:22 am
Tags: , , , ,

With a recently ex boyfriend. Lovely. It’s been 3 weeks since the shit hit the fan and we finally called it quits. It’s been 2 weeks since our ridiculously excruciating week together at my beach haven ended and I dropped him at the airport. I haven’t spoken to him once. He’s messaged me a few times and I have not responded. He ‘likes’ all my FB and Instagram posts (like any good 13 year old would).

I’m trying to prepare myself for our upcoming trip. Both physically, mentally and logistically. It’s going to be weird. I SO wish he would do the right thing and not go, but we all know there is about .00001% chance of that happening. I called the tour company and asked for separate rooms. As the final payment has already been made, no changes are allowed without a hefty penalty. Like a BIG one! One I cannot afford.

What I can afford is to look up the hotels directly online and book an additional room and hope that it doesn’t get cancelled as a duplicate reservation. What I can do is to research tours and sights that I want to do and see and book them for myself. I am hopeful/certain that he will be ‘Charming Mr. OoT” and not “Antichrist Mr. OoT” on this trip *fingers crossed everyone*.

 

Do Overs Are Allowed, Right? January 13, 2020

Nope, don’t throw your computer out the window.  I don’t mean with Mr. OoT.  After I wrote and posted my last entry I went back and re-read the whopping NINE posts I made in 2019.  All with varying degrees of ‘look what an idiot I am!’.  I promised I was done with Mr. OoT over and over again.  Yikes. Pretty pathetic.

I promised myself that I would start 2020 in a better place; not just geographically (because, duh, the beach) but mentally.  And I didn’t.  I let myself down.  Things had been ‘over’ for a while, I just didn’t want to admit it.  The last time I visited Mr. OoT (he bought a house towards the end of last year that I spent WAY too much time, energy and money helping fix up) pretty much illustrated how much my feelings had waned.  I was sick the week before and he was away working.  He would call and say how he wished he were there to take care of me. I said that would be awesome. He returned home and I was still sick.  Did he come take care of me like he said? No, of course not.  He was ‘busy’.  Whatever. We had agreed that when he was home that the dogs and I would come stay at his house in his town and we did.  Too bad that he was now sick.  I took care of him.  I cooked. I decorated.  I ran errands.  Know what else I did? I slept in the guest room.  Uhm…..

I don’t need a ‘buddy’.  I certainly don’t need a long distance friend. I figured I would stay in the guest room the 1st night only as Mr. OoT was coughing up a storm.  Nope. I stayed there all week.  Quite the roommate situation.  The 2nd night I was there we watched a movie on the couch.  When it was time for bed, we walked down the hall together and he kissed me on my forehead and stopped in front of the guest room door.  I said ‘really?’ He just chuckled, went into his room and shut the door. What the fuck?

Although it was the best sleep I’d ever gotten with him (he snores loud enough to wake the dead and gets up about a dozen times a night), this wasn’t what I signed up for.  When I really thought about it though, I wasn’t all that upset.  That’s when I knew we were over.  It dragged on a few more weeks and ended in the shit-show of a road trip and 1st week of the year. I dropped him off at the airport on January 7th, stayed in town to visit a few friends, and returned back to my beach haven 200lbs lighter on January 9th.

To walk into my beach haven and have it all to myself, free of negative energy and sadness was amazing.  This year I celebrated New Year’s on January 9th.  New year, new outlook, new attitude and new standards.  It is never okay to allow someone/anyone to talk to you like you’re a piece of shit.  That shit is reserved for my mother. 😉

Happy New Year!!!

 

“A” For Effort July 20, 2019

Or maybe, too little too late.  As I still haven’t told Mr. OoT to completely fuck off (am I waiting for a miracle?), he texts me most days.  Most days I don’t respond.  When I do, they are short, not so sweet and completely disconnected.  He phones me almost every day.  Almost every day I send him to voicemail.  I warned him once that if I get to the ‘shut down’ phase, it’s pretty impossible to get me to care again.  I’m kinda there.  Although I do still care, kind of, there’s no need for him to know that.

 

He sends me apologies, please forgive me’s, I’ll change(s) and a multitude of other niceties.  He talks of my upcoming birthday and future trips we’ll take together.  He talks of the future and how he’ll do everything possible to make me happy.  I never respond to these message.  They make me sad.  And a bit annoyed.  I gave him over a year to step up.  He didn’t.

 

He’s competitive.  Not sure if all these niceties are because he truly means them or he just wants to ‘win’.  I refuse to get back on the roller coaster.  Today’s apology was a good one.  He’s a huge music lover.  We’ve always exchanged UTube links to different songs that we like.  Songs that mean something to us.  Songs that make us happy.  Songs that tell the story of the day.

 

Today he sent me the link to The Petshop Boys “Always on my mind”, complete with lyrics.  It was sweet and sad and made me tear up just a little.  Too little, too late indeed ….

 

Just Like Ordering A Pizza July 16, 2019

I’ve used this analogy to describe the Male (and yes, female too) mindset of online dating. It also describes the mindset of daters in general.  Thinking you can pick and choose the traits (toppings) you want for your mate (such a lame term). Mr. OoT is no exception.  Sure, everyone has some idea of what they want, but to have a specific list is, IMHO, insane.

As we all realize that Mr. OoT may be a bit insane himself, he is super specific in what he likes. Oddly so.  Not in important qualities like education, ability to hold a conversation, good heartedness or anything else that I would put at the TOP of my list.  These qualities would go at the bottom of his.  While he knows that a ‘dumb’ girl wouldn’t be able to hold his attention due to his love of a good debate, I’m pretty sure this other list trumps that.  His list is of a different kind. Like down to footwear. He likes blondes. Blondes with bobbed hair cuts to be weirdly specific (and outdated). Blondes with bobbed hair cuts that wear sundresses. And Birkenstocks. And smoke weed (not the kind you find in my yard). For the record, and just to state the obvious, I am NONE of the above aside from being blonde.

The Spinner is all of the above. I know this from my super sleuthing. Down to the sundress. Specifically a really ugly one that she sent a photo of to Mr. OoT when he said he loved them. It was hanging on a clothesline in her backyard. Of course it was. *insert eye roll here*

I’m more edgy than hippie in my dress.  I prefer footwear that doesn’t look like I’ve been wearing them since the mid ’70s.  I hate sundresses.  You can’t wear a bra with them and they have super weird squared off necklines.  And they remind me of something a little girl would wear (sorry to all you sundress lovers out there, they’re just not for me).  My life’s ambition (besides catching a tapeworm) is to grow my hair long.  And dye it super dark brown.  Just like Mr. OoT hates.  Which I will be doing next weekend.

 

Grandma vs The Spinner July 13, 2019

Soooooo, the two of you that have been reading my angsty bullshit for a while will know that I often use this blog to work through my feelings and try to figure things out. It’s cheaper than therapy and, more often than not, more effective.

I think I’ll call the money grubbing dipshit 4th of July date Krystal.  Why, you ask?  Well, because that’s her name.  While I am fully aware that none of what has happened is directly her fault and solely Mr. OoT’s, she’s a player in my drama nonetheless.

Krystal is a 35 year old mother of a young child who lives in a shitty town.  Even shittier than the town that Mr. OoT lives in.  From what I’ve read in her messages with Mr. OoT and via her Instagram page (seriously? you’re going to act surprised that I looked her up?), she’s not the brightest bulb on the strand.  She sounds like a bit of an idiot and has a job that anyone with 6 months to kill for training could have.  She doesn’t have 2 nickels to rub together and likes to end most her sentences with ‘lol’.

From what I gathered, although Mr. OoT isn’t wealthy by any means, to her, he would be.  And she would take him for every last cent he has. Over the course of the messages I snooped on she must have mentioned money (or lack thereof) at least 10 times.  Being as Mr. OoT thinks he needs buy people’s affections, he has sent her several gifts.  Including a pizza one night (when he was in another state) when she said she was hungry and didn’t have money for dinner. He’s too stupid (and male) to see the huge red flags. I’m torn between thinking that is the nicest thing ever or the weirdest.

None of this is the point of this post.  The point is this: why the hell would I be jealous of a 35 year old, penniless dipshit whose every profile photo on FB (what? that surprises you too?) is taken with a Snapchat filter? While I am by far heavier, older and certainly not a ‘spinner’ like she is I am also by far and away smarter, more successful, more self sufficient. more age appropriate with no kids and no need to use anyone for their money.  I’m well traveled, well educated and have my shit (mostly) together. Well, aside from dating that is……

I’ve always envied those women that could date someone that they were super into and NOT turn into a jealous wreck knowing they weren’t the only one in the mix.  The women that were confident that they would win out in the end.  Confident that they were the better choice.  Confident that however things turned out would be the right way for them to turn out. The women that could go out with girlfriends and have a blast knowing that the guy they were interested in was on a date with another woman.

While I was absolutely more confident in my younger days, I was never confident enough to believe that the men in my life would choose me in the end.  Is it that I wasn’t confident in myself or confident in them? Not sure. And, to clarify, I am not hoping to ‘win’ Mr. OoT in the end.  We’re done.  I would like to figure out why I can’t be more of a ‘If he’s the right one for me, I’ll know it”, if he’s the right one for me, regardless of how many other women he’s dating (I’m talking about in the initial stages, btw) I’ll just go with the flow and see how things turn out.

 

 

Fireworks, Lies & Burgers July 11, 2019

So the plan was for Mr. OoT and I to spend a few days together in his hometown over the 4th of July.  I blocked out my calendar and didn’t take any jobs for 4 days.  4 whole days! Sounds ridiculous, right? 4 days would be the most time we’ve spent together (aside from trips taken) since last year.  We all know I hate his hometown.  As I realized we had been struggling (I’d have to be a complete moron not to), I opted to take the bullet. 😉

 

The day before he was supposed to come home from work (July 1st), we had a huge fight over the phone (over absolutely nothing) he basically told me to fuck off and never contact him again.  As that’s just not my style, I proceeded to call him back.  TEN times!  Feel free to unfollow me now.  In the space of being sent to voicemail ten times I spanned the breakup emotions: panic, fix it mode, super sad, super pissed and finally, just fucking embarrassed that I had reduced myself to this.

 

Okay fine.  We’re done.  Good riddance.  Too bad he owed me some $$$ that I needed to get from him. He’s always paid me back and I guess he could have paypal-ed it (I roll old school like that because, well, I’m old), but wanted the cash in my hand.

 

Long story short (HA, just kidding, are any of my stories short?), I saw him over the weekend.  July 6th, I think.  When I invited myself to his family’s bbq.  Damn, this story does NOT make me sound like a sane individual.  Moving on.  It comes out that he had taken some other girl to his family’s house on the 4th of July.  Uhm, what the ever living fuck?! Like just showed up with someone other than me when everyone was expecting me.  Like it was completely normal.

 

When I let him have it for that and tried (unsuccessfully) to explain how shitty it was for him to be able to move on so fast, he kept saying that it just happened.  It wasn’t planned. He wasn’t looking. She was a friend of a friend’s girlfriend.  It was a set up.  It all sounded like bullshit to me.  And was.  Come to find out (via snooping through his phone like a psycho) that he had been chatting with her since March when we were broken up (that’s when the initial ‘set up’ took place, so being as he thrives on word games and technicalities, he wasn’t lying about the ‘set up’ part, just the timing. Asshole).  He didn’t chat with her for a few months, but I noted, while being a super sleuth psycho, that he started back up talking to her in May and then started hard core flirting in June.  Before said July 1st breakup.

 

The messages were flirty and familiar.  Like they HAD met before.  Like he HAD been to her house.  Like she HAD been to his. All things he denied.  His main arguing point (aside from the complete violation of trust thing in going thru his phone which he was trying to flip onto me being the bad person) was that we were broken up.  Uhm, but we weren’t in May.  Or in June.  His whole ‘it just happened and I met her for the 1st time on the 4th of July’ was a lie.  A big one. While he did just meet her in person last week, he HAS been to her house.  She HAS been to his.  There was some sort of a sleepover situation on the 4th of July.  All things I found out via snooping, not his owning up.

 

All a moot point now as we’re done. For him to have moved on so quickly and to have basically arranged his ‘plan B’ before we were even done makes him a horrible human being.  Not telling me makes him a horrible human being. For as intelligent as Mr. OoT is, he has some huge dumbass tendencies.  #1 being his ability to underestimate me.  He has ‘tells’.  A lot of them.  I like puzzles.  When a piece doesn’t fit, I figure it out. I knew something was going on.  I knew he had someone else waiting in the wings.  I should have been the one to pull the plug……

 

Death, Anger Management and Family BBQs July 9, 2019

So is it weird that I asked Mr OoT if I could meet his sister from out of town that i hadn’t yet met and go to a family BBQ that his parents were having? No? Well maybe I need to fill in some blanks and then you can decide.

I haven’t written much (or at all) about Mr. OoT and I since just about the beginning of the year. Why you ask? Well that was because I was sparing you all (and myself) the annoyance of rolling your eyes and yelling at the computer.

Mr. OoT and I have issues. Big ones. He has some anger management issues. I have some ‘fixer’ issues. He has some deflection and projection issues. I have some defensive issues. We weren’t the best match to begin with (understatement of the century). Throw in that we are long distance and that makes everything a million times harder.

We’ve been in so many arguments that I’ve lost track. He tells me I fight weird. This is because I don’t engage. I allow him to go off on me and spew some of the most hateful and hurtful things at me and all I do is warn him to make sure he really means the things he’s saying as he can’t take them back once said. This usually just infuriates him more. I’m not quite sure when I became someone that would allow ANYONE to speak to me that way, but here I am. Or was.

This last time was especially cruel. He usually has a somewhat set litany of things that he venomously spews at me, but the past couple of times he’s thrown in new things to the effect of ‘the long line of women waiting to date him’. Uhm, wait, what? I know that Mr. OoT’s version of telling the truth is most rational people’s version of a lie. I know his “tells”. I know he wouldn’t have said this unless he was actually talking to other women. And he has been. How do I know? I went through his phone. And that, my friends is when I realized I was becoming a crazy person. I DO NOT go thru people’s phones. There is never anything good that can come of that. It’s a huge violation of trust and a horrible thing to do. I had to know though. And guess what? He has been overtly flirting with a couple of women. I see that as cheating and crossing the line, he does not. He feels he should get a gold star for not actually sleeping with them when he could have. Uhm no, gold stars are not given for doing the right thing and being a decent human being. Do I think he’d be flirting with other women if we were in a good place? No I don’t. As we aren’t/weren’t does that make it any less shitty? Nope.

One other thing he spewed at me was ‘no wonder you’re alone’. Sort of an odd thing for a supposed boyfriend to say, right? I realized though that he was right. I am alone. I have been for the past year. He’s not here when I need him to be. Physically or emotionally. We fight way too much. He has slowly and systematically crushed my spirit and sense of self worth. When did I become the woman that would allow that?!

I saw him over the weekend. He went off on me again. This time it was different. I fought back. Not in the insane way that he fights, but simply asked, when he finally took a breath, “are you happy now? do you feel better now that you’ve said these horrible things to me? you are truly an asshole and I deserve better” and walked out. I’ve said things to this affect before to no avail. I always counter balance his evil side in my head with his generous spirit and kind, yet hugely damaged, heart and end up giving him a pass. He never truly apologizes. This time was different.

He came to find me and when he did, he was crying. Like hysterically crying. He apologized a million ways, said that I don’t deserve any of this, that he doesn’t know why he does this, that he realizes his anger is getting progressively worse, that I’m one of the best people he’s ever met (I am), that I DO deserve better (I do), that he is going to seek some help and work on himself. He then asked if I think that some people are broken beyond repair. To which I replied ‘yes’.

Do I think he’s broken beyond repair? No, not really. I believe that truly broken people will never actually admit to being broken. Do I hope he gets some help? Yes, I certainly do. For his sake. Will I wait around for him like he asked me to? No, I absolutely will not.

Did I ask to go to his family BBQ on Sunday? Yes, yes I did. I wanted a chance to see his family one last time and get a bit of closure. None of them knew we had broken up (oh, aside from the fact that he brought a different girl with him on the 4th of July! Fucker, but that’s a story for another time). It gave me a chance to see everyone one last time. His dad loves me. His dad implored me to come visit any time, with or without Mr. OoT. That speaks volumes. His sisters were great and must have sensed what was going on.  They both said it was great seeing me and to not let Mr. OoT get away with too much.  They do know him best…..

He wants to remain friends. I said no. He wants me to wait for him. I said no. He wants me to know he will always be here for me. Whatever. Did I tell him to go to hell and never contact me again? No. Not sure why. I will stand my ground this time though.

Oh, and I told him I hated the candle he sent me. In some small way, being the petty bitch he’s always accused me of being made me feel better…..

 

Same Shitshow, Different Day, But Wait…. March 17, 2019

….there’s more!  Mr. OoT and I have been the same mismatched and ill fitted couple we’ve always been.  About a month ago I decided I would just start ‘mirroring’ his communication style and frequency as things were obiously changing since his terrific visit.  If he didn’t text me, I didn’t text him.  If he didn’t call, I didn’t call.  If he didn’t use any terms of endearment, I didn’t either.  Just like we were any run of the mill immature teenage couple.  Good times.  Neither of us enjoyed how that went.  Things haven’t been great lately but just because I don’t want you all to get bored with reading the same ridiculous stories of our angsty relationship, I thought I’d add a twist.

 

What sort of a twist you ask?  Well that would be travel, of course!  Yes, you read that right!  Mr. OoT and I are traveling tomorrow!  Not just any old travel either.  We’re traveling internationally! WooHoo!  It’s a bucket list trip for me and a birthday trip for him.  It was planned (and paid for) almost 6 months ago.  By me.  He’s never traveled internationally before.  I have many times.  I wanted to be with him when he got his 1st much desired stamp in his passport (he was so disappointed that he didn’t get one when we drove across the border into Mexico. Wa Wa)

 

Mr. OoT being Mr. OoT (pronounced Know-It-All), he has been debating with me about the importance and structure of going through international customs.  I’ve done it at least 3 dozen times.  He’s done it …. oh wait, NEVER.  Yet he still enjoys correcting me.  I so love being corrected when I’m not the one who is wrong.  I almost half hope he gets detained so that I can say ‘I told you so’ over my shoulder as I waltz out of the over-seas airport alone and leave his ass in custody.

 

I won’t, of course, because that’s not who I am.  For whatever reason I allow the men in my life (TD anyone?) to treat me like shit and forever forgive them.  Mr. OoT doesn’t actually treat me like shit (much) but does aim his intermittent rage filled hissy fits in my direction about every other month.  He actually needs to be medicated I think (and not by his beloved psychedelics either) and certainly needs to talk to someone other than me, but he never will.   Because he thinks he knows everything. Not ideal.

 

Ooops, did I forget to mention that he raged at me just the other day? It went on forever and it was especially shitty.  When he finally took a breath, I took that opportunity to tell him to fuck off.  And he was amazingly righteously indignant that I actually had the nerve to say that.  Then he dumped me.  Again.  And I agreed.  And we’re still headed out on a 16 hour travel day tomorrow to enjoy a bucket list trip for me.

 

Awkward much?!  You may want to keep your eyes on the news over the next week to see if one or both of us kill the other ……..

 

*please note, I am SUPER pissed right now, so have written this knowing that he is NOT a competely bad person.  He’s just a bad person for me.  And I’m the dumbass for still allowing him to come on this trip with me.

 

Canine Conundrums October 29, 2018

So, remember how I was so pissed at Mr. OoT for allowing me all of ONE day to come see me?  How he said he was planning on coming up on Saturday and heading back home on Sunday? How he said he ‘wished’ he could spend more time? How he said he couldn’t because of his son and school?  Turns out all these things are true.  Want to know what else is true?  That as soon as I heard him say these things I got pissed.  I sort of shut down and got all self righteous.

 

My days of introspection are few and far between lately yet still alive and well.  My days of knowing that there are probably better ways of dealing with things other than shutting down and acting like a child are always in the background.  That I need to approach things from a place of positivity rather than one of negativity.  Yet I don’t employ other means often.  I kind of hate that my default is to get all butt hurt and pissy.

 

I had the brilliant idea of broaching the topic of Mr. OoT’s visit again a few days ago.  This time, when he said he was planning on coming up on Saturday and leaving on Sunday, instead of getting offended and shutting down I said that I’d like him to consider staying longer.  That although I love his son, that since I was about to leave for 3 months and that this would be the last time we’d get to see each other for a while, that he might consider leaving him at home and staying a bit longer.  That he’d have a whole other entire week to spend with him before he went back to work and then 3 months of son-time while I was away.  I got the oddest response.  He agreed.  He even sounded excited.  He said that since he wasn’t going to bring his son, that it didn’t even need to be a weekend that he came to see me.  That he would now come Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday.  Three whole days!

 

Who knew?  I should.  I should know and remember that not everyone’s mind works the same way as mine.  That things that seem so blatantly obvious to me don’t necessarily occur to others.  That for all the times that I bash Mr. OoT for having a strange way of interpreting things and assuming that everyone’s minds work the same way as his, that I do the exact same thing.  Super strange realization for me.  I should know better.

 

So now, instead of only 1 night here with his son in tow, there will be 3 child free nights.  We’ve already discussed plans.  Day 1 will be for his ‘honey do’ list on things I need help with around the house and I will make us dinner (he loves when I cook).  Day 2 will be lazy and then date night with dinner and a movie that night.  (I told him he could choose the movie ….. god help me).  Day 3 will be who knows what?  I’m looking forward to it though.

 

It’s damn hard to teach old dogs new tricks…..pleasant, patient and gently persuasive is MUCH more effective than butt hurt and pouty.  I need to try to remember that ……

 

Just Admit It October 25, 2018

So silly. And annoying. When I say something and forget. Or when I say something and change my mind. Or when I say something that I regret. All have the same response and reaction from me. I apologize for forgetting, for changing my mind or regret saying. It seems so simple. SO. FUCKING. SIMPLE.

I don’t think I’m in in the minority when it comes to owning my shit. Maybe I am. When it is in regards to stupid shit though it’s just annoying as fuck to not have the other person just admit they forgot or changed their mind or never meant to say it in the first place. How hard is it to say those 4 simple words ‘I’m sorry, I forgot’.

For fuck sake. I talked to Mr. OoT yesterday about his coming to visit next weekend. He doesn’t like to be away from his son when he’s home, so it’s usually a given that he will come with on the rare occasion that Mr. OoT comes to my town. No biggie. I love that he loves his kids. Imagine my surprise and delight when Mr. OoT said (and I quote) “I may just leave him at home for the weekend, would that be okay?” Uhm, YES! I love his son, but this is the last weekend we’ll be able to spend time together before I leave for an extended period of time. When we were talking tonight, however, he mentioned his son being here. I told him that he had said he wasn’t bringing him and he then proceeded to tell me that I misunderstood. That I was wrong. That he never said that. That he was talking about Halloween night, not the weekend. That he never said he wasn’t going to bring his son. That he LOVES his son and doesn’t want to be away from him. Bullshit on the not being able to be away from his 15 year old son, btw (NOT that he loves him – ’cause he does. A lot) Why can he not just say he changed his mind instead of trying to convince me that I am wrong. That I’M the one that misunderstood. I AM wrong a lot of the time. I’m NOT this time.

As a bonus, he said he was probably going to drive up on Saturday and then head home on Sunday. For those of you bad at math, that’s 1 night. ONE. When I said that I was disappointed that he wouldn’t be staying longer, he said that he was too but that he couldn’t. You know, his son has school and all. I’m fucking pissed. I’m leaving for THREE MONTHS. He says he ‘wished’ he could stay longer. Uhm, he could. He doesn’t work when he’s back home. He has 2 solid weeks off. He just doesn’t want to. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said that since it’s more than a week away, it wasn’t even on his radar yet (he is incapable of planning ahead). Super great end to our conversation last night.

 

Protected: Como se Tinder? February 26, 2018

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

 

And Off He Goes February 22, 2018

So he who still doesn’t have a blog name leaves for vacation today. He’ll be back in 10 days. I won’t. I don’t leave until next week and won’t be back until the 2nd week in March.

Seems like weird timing to meet someone. While I have never believed in ‘bad timing’ and always thought of it as an excuse (unless, of course, you’re about to be imprisoned or deported), maybe that’s what this is.

Our texting has been pretty surface lately. As my new dating coach, Matthew Hussey (seriously, check him out; he knows his shit and is HOT) suggested, I have not been the one to initiate texts. I have not been the needy one. I have not ‘tested’ the situation.

Tonight Mr Vacation (oh, look who just got assigned a completely unimaginative blog name) sent a text apologizing for being incommunicado and kinda bleh the past couple of days. As it was completely unprompted, it was nice. Hey, maybe this shit works! Normally I would completely validate him and not want him to feel bad so would normally excuse everything. As I’m trying to embrace a new normal, all I said was that I appreciated his apology. And then I did something I normally wouldn’t do for fear of sounding needy or *gasp* letting him know I was interested. I told him that I wished that we could have gotten together before he left. Nope, wasn’t even guilt trippy or passive aggressive. It was just a statement and I left it at that.

He responded right back with another apology and saying he wished we could have gotten together as well, but that he just sort of ran out of time. While the old Grey would get all gushy and forgiving and let him off the hook because ‘look! he likes me!’, the new Grey isn’t so sure. He did have time to see me. He had time to see friends. He just didn’t prioritize seeing me and has, in fact, now run out of time.

Maybe we’ll chat while he’s gone, maybe we won’t. I’m not going to initiate anything and I’m not going to worry about it. I’m going to enjoy the hell out of my own damn vacation! Of course I won’t completely write him off as I do think he’s a good guy, but I will pay attention to what he does when I return.

Let’s face it. I don’t really know this guy. We’ve only met once. We’ve since exchanged about 400 text messages. Who knows what will happen. Here’s the difference between old & (hopefully) new Grey; I know what I want and what I deserve. I don’t need to make everything so easy by making myself so available. No, that doesn’t mean I need or want to make things difficult either. It just means I’ll pay attention and while I can ‘mirror’ his effort, I will not do all the work.

Now, while I never lie to others, we all know that I’m pretty damn good at lying to myself, so I guess we’ll see…..

 

Fast Track February 8, 2018

Not sure what this phrase even means.  I guess it’s up for interpretation.  To me it means getting to point B from point A as fast as possible.  To me it implies taking shortcuts and not really valuing the quality of the ‘route’ but just trying to accomplish something as fast as possible.  Mistakes and shoddy quality be damned.

You can imagine the look I gave my friend as we sat at happy hour on Monday with a mutual friend who is married.  We were regaling her with our stories of online dating.  My friend, who is my Bumble compatriot, says ‘yeah, Grey is on the fast track’.  Wasn’t quite sure how to take that.  Of course my 1st inclination was to be offended.  And I sort of was.

Is that what I’m doing by being on several dating sites at once and going on more than the average number of dates?  I never thought of it as ‘fast tracking’ (proven my 7 years, give or take, of online dating – thus, the blog).  I think of it more as a game of numbers.  And by game, I of course mean a lengthy and soul crushing journey to find the bright shinny penny in the piles of garbage.  Yes, there’s someone for everyone.  My someone just seems to be hiding.  Either that or I’ve already met him and scared him off.  Yikes. That thought scares the hell out of me.  I’ll choose to go with the hiding theory.

I am currently on Bumble, Plenty of Fish & Tinder.  I have several pen pals on Tinder.  I’ve yet to meet anyone off of there.  I’m still on the fence as to whether it’s a hookup site or not.  Plenty of Fish provided NYE date and several unsuitable dates.  Bumble is just kind of ‘meh’.  I did remember another phone based dating app called ‘Coffee Meets Bagel’ that I downloaded last weekend and which has provided me with 2 matches so far.  1 I met last night and 1 is currently annoying the hell out of me with text messages.  I never activated my ‘Our Time’ profile, so that doesn’t count.  So let’s see, I’m on 4 apps right now.

Is that too many?  I honestly don’t think it is or that I’m fast tracking anything.  Do I want to meet someone?  Hell yes!  Am I willing to settle?  Uhm, no.  Do I get attached MUCH too quickly to men that I don’t yet really know?  Sadly, yes, but it happens very rarely as I usually swing towards the other end of the spectrum and don’t feel a connection with most.  Am I okay being alone?  Well, my friends, that is the true question.  And I don’t really have an answer for that these days.

So here are the facts: She’s on one site and has had met 1 man this year.  I’m on four sites and have met 8.  We’re both still single.  Who’s way is right? As we all know my favorite thing in the universe to do is to overthink things (2018 resolutions be damned), she now has me wondering …….

 

****edited to add: before all the haters out there bash me for being ‘too picky’, I assure you, I’m not.  While I don’t have one of those dreaded ‘lists’ that I expect men to meet, I DO expect to feel the slightest desire to kiss or be kissed by one of them****go about your days now ❤

 

 

The Ginger February 6, 2018

I love me a good ginger.  No, really.  No clue what it is about red haired men, but I just love them.  I find them quirky and funny and by and large, just really good guys.  So of course when I was sitting at a friend’s house and we were companionably swiping on our Bumble options side by side, we came across the same cute ginger at the same time.  While I went ‘yey, a ginger!’ she went ‘bleck’.  Oh well, that’s what makes the world go round, I guess.  Left swipes and Right ones (figuratively and literally).

I messaged back and forth with The Ginger for a while and discovered that he’s not actually from here.  Oh.  Boo.  He travels for business.  I called him out on having a bumble in every port and he clarified that it’s a fun way to meet a new friend for a drink when traveling.  Oh, okay.  Makes sense.  I totally believed him (which, as you know, it’s not a strong point of mine) and asked when he was leaving town.

I ended up meeting him the next night for drinks at a place that I chose.  He was adorable.  In a total Richie Cunningham sort of way.  For those of you that are too young to understand that reference, fuck off your loss.  It was a bit stilted and awkward at 1st, but either due to the vodka sodas or just feeling more comfortable with one another, it turned into a great date!!  We ended up staying for hours; talking, laughing, telling stories and just generally having a really good time.  No clue if there were any sparks (on either end), but as he doesn’t live here anyway, I took it for what it was.  A really fun evening.  We ended up exchanging numbers and said we’d keep in touch.

Now, if only I could have a date that good with someone local………..

 

I May Have Sprained My Finger February 4, 2018

Yes, so I’m now an official Tinder-er. Many faces appear before me that I can choose to swipe left (no thank you) or right (yes, please) on. Guess which one I do more of?  Contrary to popular belief (and my own sometimes), I am not desperately looking for someone.  It just sure would be nice ……

Anywhoo, most men don’t put any sort of verbiage with their profile pic, so it’s purely based on looks. Perfect for a superficial bitch like me! Me, being the chatty Cathy that I have been known to be, wrote an actual little cliff’s notes blurb about who I am and whom I am looking for. Being as it’s Tinder, I can only assume it has yet to be read. Luckily, I’ve got some great pics of myself (once I crop out all of my friends and the multitude of cocktails that are usually scattered about, of course).

I’ve matched with several guys so far. Most just sit lined up across the top of my matches page waiting, like an annoying game of chicken, to see who writes 1st. I don’t write 1st. I leave it to them. Yes, that’s just how excited I am about my matches. 😉 Several of them have stepped up and written me. And I’ve written back. Look a me go!

1st there was the 40 year old military hottie whose first question to me was asking what I was looking for on Tinder. With all the self awareness that I could muster, I responded with ‘honestly, I’m not sure’, to which he replied that he was either looking for a serious relationship or a friend. Bullshit. I unmatched us.

Next was a guy that I couldn’t help but feel I had met before. As I’m fairly new to town, I was a little stumped by this. Anyway, we chatted back and forth for a while and he was a bit competitive, more than a bit full of himself and kept giving me clues as to who he is as a human. Not good. All of a sudden I remembered who he was! I had met him, over the summer, when he sat down next to me at a popular bar in town (yes, some things never change). We had started chatting and I found him extremely unlikable at the time. Add to that the fact that he was about 5’7″ and maybe 115 lbs and I just wanted him to go away. I didn’t tell Mr Tinder that we had met before and was just trying to decide how to end our online chat. Luckily he helped me out when he asked what I was doing later that night. I told him I was having dinner and drinks with a friend. He then responded with ‘sounds fun, hit me up after if you want to come over and work off that dinner.” Uhm, no. I didn’t even bother to respond. Unmatch….

I am chatting with a seemingly ‘normal’ and none too harsh on the eyes man.  He just seems nice.  I realize guys hate that descriptor, but honestly, I think it’s a good thing to be considered nice.  Very good.  Anyway, we’ve been chatting back and forth for a few days.  And he has not hinted once about wanting to meet.  Really?! I can only be my charming and witty self for so long with someone I haven’t even met yet.  Pull the trigger dude!

Oh, and for the record, I’ve swiped left FAR more than I’ve swiped right.  Just sayin’…..