Maybe I Need To Take Ballet December 5, 2010
So last night was not my finest moment. No, I didn’t make out with some random guy in a parking lot. I didn’t stick my foot in my mouth either (although I did call some guy pretentious when he insisted on pouring his beer into a wine glass, but that’s besides the point ~ he was an asshole anyway).
Let me give you the setup: middle of the party & everyone is out on the patio right near the arcadia door. I am outside clearing wine glasses (what? did you think I was a guest? hell no, I’m the cook – duh). There is one exceptionally handsome gentleman there that I have admired from afar for years (with some skinny bitch, but I think I could have taken her if push came to shove).
Anywhoo, here I am carrying wine glasses and I walk inside, plant my foot wrong on the slippery mexican tile and ……… totally wipe out!!! Holy shit! Not mortifying at all! Oh, did I mention that it was right on the other side of the arcadia door where everyone was standing so that they had full view of my ass hitting the floor? For those unfortunate guests who did happen to miss my ‘floor show’, the sound of shattering wine glasses on the tile could have been heard from a block away.
You know what the worst part was? Who do you think was the 1st one to my side to help me up (with a look of pity in his hottie eyes), yup …….. Hottie McHottie. Ahhhh, good times!
Let’s Be Honest….. November 15, 2010
Alright, alright ~ we’re all friends here, right? I mean, all 3 of us, me and the 2 random people who accidentally ended up at my blog. 😉 So we all know that vacation was fun, that I love a good martini, that I like to have fun (get your minds out of the gutter), and that this year has pretty much sucked.
Well guess what that means? Apparently when you mix all of those ingredients together, you get an obnoxiously drunk me who doesn’t remember most of what happened after 10pm on most nights from vacation! *hanging head in shame* I know! How embarrassing! I have always been able to hold my alcohol. I swear, I was like the retardedly inappropriate friend that entertains the masses during the trip! Funny in a way, but really sorta sad in another!
Each time I would start to talk about something with my ‘new friend’, he would inform me that we’d already talked about it the night before! Holy shit! I’m boring Aunt Martha who repeats herself all the time!
Here’s the kicker though … as I truly don’t remember all that was discussed (and really wish that I did, ’cause he was a good guy), I just hope I didn’t ‘share’ things that I don’t ‘share’ with people. Again, mind out of the gutters people. As you all have my best interest at heart, I’ll tell you as I’m under the completely misguided security that i’m completely anonymous here. 😉 Here’s what I’m hoping beyond hope that I didn’t slur say: I hope I didn’t mention my 2nd job, which I can’t stand ….. I hope I didn’t mention uh, how long it’s been since, well, you know ……. and I HOPE TO GOD I did not share my biggest most pathetic fear of dying alone ……
Ugh! I just really wish I did know what was said. I am the listener and love to learn about others. The fact that I didn’t and *gasp* may have rambled on about myself instead is just mortifying! Wanna know what else is mortifying? One of the parts that I do remember is that I practically threw myself at this poor guy the last 2 nights! Oy, I think I’m socially retarded ……… boo me ……
The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater 