43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Don’t Ask What You Don’t Want To Know… May 17, 2017

I’ve long subscribed to this way of thinking.  Also known as ‘bury your head in the sand’.  I’ve almost perfected it.  Almost.  Not always the best way to go about (or not go about as the case may be) things.  On my never ending quest to evolve and stop being such a whiny baby, I am trying to be an adult about some thing.  Just some.  No need to panic.

Remember Repo Man?  The seemingly great guy from Bumble that I never actually met?  The one who started a ‘relationship’ with (aka, slept with her) the day before we were supposed to meet?  The one who checked in on me the entire time he was dating said train wreck?  The one who, when he broke up with said train wreck, told me that he wanted to meet but wasn’t quite ready yet?  The one who, when he was ready, and after several phone calls, proceeded to cancel our 2nd date due to his dad being sick never to be heard from again?  Yeah, that one.

It’s been bugging me as to what ever happened.  Yes, I know, but I am apparently no longer the gal that didn’t give a shit what guys thought and knew that if a guy passed me up, that it was his loss and not mine.  Damn.

As neither of us ever unmatched the other on Bumble, we could both see that the other was still on there.  He even changed his profile photo about a month ago. What?  He’s right there, on my home page!  Anywhoo, today is the day I figured I would ask.  Couldn’t hurt, right?  Yes, I know “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”.  I always kind of knew in the back of my mind that he was playing with me.  That I was his Plan B.  I joked about it, until I realized it was true. Oh.  Shit.

So I texted him today asking what ever happened.  And he told me.  And although I know full well that it had nothing to do with ‘me’, it still made me feel like shit.  He apologized for being a flake.  He apologized for not contacting me.  He apologized for not following through.  He claimed that he didn’t want to take me on the ‘roller coaster ride’ that he was on.  I LOVE roller coasters!  Well, not the emotional ones.

He has been ‘off and on’ with his ex.  The ex that I counseled him on.  The one that he said was thoughtless and self-centered, yet gorgeous.  The one that he absolutely didn’t see a future with.  You know the 1st fucked up thought that came to my mind when reading this?  Well, why wouldn’t he call me during one of his ‘off’ times?  How messed up is that?! I know full well that I should thank him for not dragging me into his indecision, but instead I wondered what it was about me that made him (and so many others) decide that I wasn’t even worth exploring? Damn, I hate days like this ……

 

 

 Listening & Hearing Are Two Completely Different Things…. March 6, 2017

Or something like that.  Cheryl, one of my lovely (and apparently bored) followers has asked for an update on Mr. Met In Person. As I try my best to oblige (and really have nothing better to do), here ya’ go!

I met Mr. In Person well, in person.  Duh.  We had a great talk and really hit it off.  He asked for my number, I got all giddy and ridiculous and thought how awesome it was for someone to ask, in person, for my number rather than going through the angst and potential disaster of  meeting someone from online.  Yey me.

He then proceeded to not call me.  Super.  Once we finally did connect, he asked me out.  Yippeee!  However, it took us several tries for us to get our schedules in sync.  He works ridiculously long hours and is very VERY set in his schedule.  Although I’m a busy gal as well and often escape out of town on weekends, I tried my best to accommodate his limited availability.

We went out several times and really seemed to hit it off.  He’s a GOOD guy.  Good enough that I sort of forgave his admittedly shit-show of a personal life and ‘situation’ with his not yet to be ex wife.  Oopsie, he kinda forgot to tell me that fun tidbit until last week.  He still shares a house with his not yet ex wife and their son.  As ridiculous as that sounds to me, I do have friends that have done the same thing for the perceived benefit of their child.  While I don’t agree with this and feel that people don’t give their kids enough credit for ‘knowing what’s going on’, it’s not my place to say, I’m not a mom.

Anyway, he tells me all the complicated ins and outs of his personal and work life and I decided, because I’m the queen of bad decisions and giving people the benefit of the doubt, that I can deal with this.  We’d been out several times at that point (all oddly odd times as his schedule truly sucks and he is unwavering in his ‘norm’).  We spoke a little about the upcoming weekend that I would be in town and that he wouldn’t have his son with him.  I was very much looking forward to spending some quality time with him as all our prior dates were pretty much 2 hours long.  Exactly.  We hadn’t spoken about any specific plans for the weekend, but I let him know that I was looking forward to it and he replied in kind.

We spoke a bit about my vacation home as well and how I would love to take him there at some point in the future as it is in a place that he hasn’t been in 10 years and was looking forward to going back to.  Look at us proceeding at a normal (whatever that is) pace!

I was in said vacation place Saturday when I received his excited text telling me that he was planning a trip to said town the following weekend.  The weekend that we had talked about my need to be at home and how much I was looking forward to seeing him. IN town. He said he hoped I would be able to join him in said vacation locale and that he already booked a hotel.  Uhm, wait.  First of all, I own a place there, on the beach.  As he neither knows what part of the beach or even the general location of my place, how did he know where to book a hotel?  Why wouldn’t he wait to talk to me and coordinate a weekend that we could both be there?  Why, after 10 years of not being there, did he have to go right then and there?  Of course, I didn’t say any of these things to him.

What I did say was that I couldn’t get out-of-town that next weekend and that I was sad that he chose the weekend we had already spoken about doing something in our home town together to travel and that I had been looking forward to being his tour guide when we did make it to said vacation destination.  What I got in return was a 9 part text message explaining that our schedules are apparently too conflicting and that he doesn’t have the time, or inclination to pursue a romantic relationship right now.  What.  The.  Fuck.  I am quite certain that if I had said that I could drop everything and be at the whim of his stupid spur of the moment ridiculousness, I wouldn’t have gotten said break up text, but as I live in reality, that’s not what happened.  I am sad, mad, disappointed and a bit astounded that he did this. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

A fun little aside is the entire text message thing.  He hates text messaging.  I am of the mind that text message is for short little ‘nothing’ messages (hi, how are you? thinking of you, have a good day, etc…) and NOT for any sort of serious conversations.  We actually had this conversation on Tuesday when we last saw each other. He agreed.  And he still opted to break up with me via text……awesome.

 

I Think I Had A Good Time February 27, 2017

You’re welcome in advance for this not being a whiny post about my less than envious love life.  Can I really even call it a love life if I haven’t had any semblance of a relationship in uh, years?!  *cue sad music*

Anywho, this is a post about my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  Well, a post about what I can remember from my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  My friend and I are kind of in the same boat as far as guys go.  She’s at least had a couple short lived relationships in the past few years, but the guys always either ghost, flip out or turn into someone other than who they appeared to be.  She tries to slog through the wold of online dating as well.  We are both convinced that our bad luck in love at our advanced ages is Karma firmly kicking us in the ass for all the fun we had in our 20s.  Believe me, we had a LOT of fun back then.

Back to the beach.  We arrived on Thursday afternoon and immediately decided to start day drinking.  Bad decision #1.  Bad decision #2 was to make an exceptionally strong (and large) vodka soda.  Bad decision #3 was to decide, when I discovered that I forgot to bring lemons, to add an entire can of Mike’s Harder Lemonade to my already lighter-fluid-ish drink in order to get that lemon flavor.  Bad decision #4 was to then decide, after sucking that gross tasting concoction down (can’t waste perfectly good alcohol) that since it was technically National Margarita Day (that’s a thing, right?) to go to the restaurant on property to enjoy some 2 for 1 Margaritas.  Details after that are a little fuzzy.  As in I don’t really remember shit.  My friend did assure me that I didn’t make a complete ass of myself and that I was safely passed out on the couch without having embarrassed myself too much.  Passed out on the couch by 8:30pm.  Lovely.

The next couple of days included many many cocktails, a lobster-esque sunburn,  getting lost multiple times in a town that I should really be able to navigate by now and not a single solitary conversation with anyone of the opposite sex.  Well, that’s unless you include the short and sweet conversation we had with the ridiculously drunk and obnoxious husband of the wife teetering around on stiletto heals.  At the beach.  Oh, and by ‘short and sweet’ I of course mean ‘he was a ginormous idiot that I had to stop my friend from knocking out as he had absolutely NO filter when it came to what he thought was appropriate to say to complete strangers’.

Good times!

 

A New Trend February 2, 2017

** Going through my drafts folder, I keep finding these little gems that although are more than 2 years old, still seem to apply to the world of online dating.  Lucky me?**

There seems to be a new trend in my stellar world of online dating.  And you all know that by ‘stellar’, I mean ‘shitty’, right?  I’ve corresponded with some seemingly really good guys lately.  There was the teacher that very sweetly declined my invitation to fall in love with me message me.  There was the terrific guy with all the water toys that seemed so sweet and kind and funny.  There was the Golfer who I actually met, liked and was looking forward to seeing again.  All of these men are different in very distinct ways.  Looks, height, education, career, age ….. they are flung far and wide (see?  I’m trying to broaden my horizons).  They all have one thing in common though.  And I’m none too pleased about it.

Each and every one of these men messaged me last.  Very sweet and somewhat flirty messages.  Messages that made me smile.  Messages that prompted me to sign on to respond.  Messages that were apparently sent mere minutes before each and every one of them either hid their profiles or blocked me never to be heard from again.  What. The. Fuck.?

What’s the point of that? I’ll never know.  At least I still have Arkansas who is currently not only bugging the shit out of me with repeated messages that go something like “hi, how are you? when can we meet?” (after I’ve told him repeatedly that I am swamped with work and that I don’t think our schedules match up).  He also sends me messages addressing me as ‘gorgeous’ and telling me that I’m ‘hot’.  Uhm, shouldn’t I find this flattering?  I don’t.  I find them highly creepy.  *sigh*

 

Who Does What February 1, 2017

So we all know that I have a groundbreaking 2 dates this week.  One with someone I was ‘meh’ about and one with someone that I am fairly excited about.  Yeah, I know, that doesn’t bode well for me, but with my new and improved 2017 positive attitude regarding my love-life (see? I’m not even going to add ‘or lack thereof’ when mentioning my love life….oh, wait), I’m trying to keep those thoughts at bay.  And I fully intend to fall in love on Friday.  Shit, that’s night right either, is it?

So anywhoo, I have 2 dates lined up with 2 men that have completely different communication styles.  Of course I prefer one style over the other, and although a combination of frequency and content would be ideal, that just ain’t happening….

Bachelor #1:

1. Texts daily with a ‘hi’ a ‘how are you’ or a ‘good morning’. Oddly enough, his good morning texts usually come in around noon or 1pm. Huh….

2. His texts are not very engaging and are usually just a few words in response.  As you well know from reading my blathering, I can TALK.

3. He picked a time and place for our date well in advance and has already reconfirmed with me.

4. He has told me how excited he is to meet me and actually asked if we could move our date up sooner

Bachelor #2

1) Does not text often, but when he does they are conversational in tone and go on for a while.

2) Although he locked down a day for our date, I am still awaiting information on time and location (tic toc, as I write this it’s 2 days before said date)

3) He has told me (repeatedly) how excited he is to meet me and that he wished that Friday would get here sooner,  but hasn’t been in contact the past 3 days (yes, I keep track of these things – welcome to my world)

I’m sure you can figure out which one I am more excited about meeting.  Of course it’s the one that does not check in often or put my overly imaginative/over-thinking/neurotic mind at ease.

I’m working on the whole ‘if it was meant to be, it will be’ as well as the confidence that I should have going into this and knowing that if he’s the guy I think he is, that I have nothing to worry about.  Easier said than done.  And to prove that point, I give you this post.  We haven’t even met yet for shit’s sake.  Why am I even thinking ahead on this?  Oh, that’s right.  Because I’m me ……….

 

It Will Get Better, It Will Get Better…. January 25, 2017

That’s my new dating mantra.  Actually, my new mantra is more like ‘please G-d, let this one be a good one’.  What?  That’s not what my psychic meant when he suggested I be a bit more spiritual?  Ooops.  Nah, I know my guy is out there.  I know he’s very good at hiding from me.  I also know that I’ll find him.  Or, more likely, he’ll find me.

I’m pretty sure that neither of the gentlemen that I ‘chatted’ with yesterday are going to be him however.

One, who I can’t even come up with a nickname for, has been messaging me since September.  Every few weeks I’ll get an uber engaging ‘hi’.  I haven’t heard from him since Christmas Day.  As you can all tell, I’ve been very broken up about that. 😉 Well, I heard from him last night.  At 10:30, when he asked when we were going to meet.  I, being the helpful gal that I am, suggested that he actually ask me out and that would probably facilitate things.  He said he already did and I said no.  Uhm, that would have been when he messaged me at 6pm on a random night and wanted to know if I wanted to go to happy hour during a really busy work week.  Uhm, no.  A bit of notice would be good.  I suggested he try again.  So he did.  And proceeded to invite me over for a glass of wine last night.  After I told him that I don’t really drink wine (remember my sister’s wedding?).  At 10:30pm.  To his house!  As we haven’t actually met before, I quashed that ridiculous idea.  He then asked about next week.  Great, I said yes.  Oh joy.  We’ll see what happens.

I was supposed to meet presumed married guy last night.  The one who travels for business.  We had arranged to meet last night @ 6pm.  When I checked in to confirm with him, he informed me that he had a massage scheduled at 6 and thought we were meeting at 8.  Excuse me?  He blamed it on the time difference, but I blame it on him being an ass.  He then proceeded to ask me if I could meet him at 9pm last night.  What is the matter with these guys?  9pm on a Monday for a 1st meeting?  I think not.  I told him maybe I could fit him in tonight, but I’m putting absolutely no effort into it.  If I hear from him, I’ll consider it, but I certainly won’t lose sleep over it.  Although I don’t really think he’s married, there is definately something fishy going on……

Aside from the man that is apparently from Nashville who invited me to visit after asking me precisely ZERO questions about myself, there’s nothing too promising on the dating front at the moment.  In the spirit of ‘putting myself out there’, I do have a couple happy hour with friends lined up this week.  Maybe I’ll invite my new and improved ‘inviting’ and ‘confident’ self to join…..

 

Old Friends January 19, 2017

And by ‘friends’, I mean previously used online dating sites.  G-d help me.

I re-activated my profile in OkCupid (forevermore to be referred to as OkStupid for obvious reasons) after almost 3 years.  And wanted to kill myself within the 1st hour.  Not only was I inundated with messages from inappropriately young boys letting me know how sexy I am, but I received messages from guys I recognized.  Not that I had actually met any of them, but they had not changed a single profile photo in the last 3 years.  Way to keep it current guys!

I did receive a message from a guy who wrote a terrific, if overly sensitive, profile.  So I responded.  With one of my famous ‘you wrote a terrific profile’ and then referred to a detail he included so he knew I actually read his profile and didn’t just say that I did.  I got a response back letting me know that he thought I was very in touch with my feelings or some such bullshit as not a single syllable in my response was remotely touchy-feely.  Whatevs.  He explained that he wanted to meet as he didn’t like messaging back and forth forever.  Uhm, I guess 2 messages seemed excessive to him.  summoning my devil may care red hair mentality, I said sure.  As I knew what part of town he lived in, I picked a place in between us both and suggested it.  He countered with someone closer to him and further from me.  Uhm…….. I explained that I wasn’t familiar with the specific area but would test my navigational skills and he responded back with a somewhat petulant ‘okay, we’ll meet in the area that you suggested’.  Duh.  So we set a time and a day and that was that.  Literally.  Not one word since.

As I hadn’t heard from him in 2 days, I sent a quick ‘as I haven’t heard from you, I wanted to make sure we were still on for Thursday’.  He responds with a ‘yes, we are still on.  i would let you know if I couldn’t make it. Due to the flake factor on here I don’t communicate further with anyone until I meet them’.  Again, uhm……what?!  Cynical much?  Self fulfilling prophecy much?  Off-putting much?  Why yes, yes it is.  I am going to keep the date for tomorrow, but I will probably also feel the need to argue his philosophy on the cutting off contact cold turkey, with no warning, once a date is set.  Kinda weird.  Anywhoo, I guess I’ll let you know ………..