It’s Official December 5, 2010
I have suspected it for years now, but have never really wanted to acknowledge it. I have just proven however, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am, indeed, a big huge loser! Here is today’s reason why : I got a couple of notifications that I have messages waiting for me on one of my stellar (and you know what i mean by stellar, right?) dating sites …….. no, don’t get all excited, they’re not from ‘him’ (boo). Anyway, I log on, and before I check my mail, I look at who’s viewed me lately …….. well ‘he’ is still on the 1st page, although he hadn’t looked at my profile since yesterday (hmm, come to think of it, he looked at it a couple of times yesterday as it sort of time stamps things) oops, sorry, I’m rambling (how surprising, right?). So I see that he’s online ’cause his lame little IM thing is up. Guess what I did? Go ahead, guess! I logged off really fast before reading my mail and before he could see that I was online. Why? Who the hell knows? I told you I’m lame ……… 😉
He better be on there writing me an e mail dammit!
Nothin’ But Pure Class… November 23, 2010
So I’m late for work the other day and needed to wear black pants that day. Simple enough, right? Well not so much when none of your clothes fit. And, for a change, not because they’re too tight, but entirely too big! Yey me! I lost a bunch of weight last year, but still hang onto my fatty-clothes (just in case) I put the weight back on and remain single forever (*gasp*). Damn, I know I have at least one pair of black pants that currently fit, but they must have gone the way of all those missing socks from the dryer.
Anyway, I was running late, so grabbed a pair that pretty much fall down (all the way) so I have the brilliant idea to staple them closed. I’m a college graduate you know. Anyway, yeah, that doesn’t work so well as the fabric is too thick and the staples are pretty much sticking straight out and impaling me! Fine, I grab a safety pin, wrench the front panel over to the side and pin it together. They look absolutely asinine, mind you, but I wear a long coat over them, so no one can actually see how jacked up my pants are.
I was pretty darn proud of myself until, halfway through the morning, while standing in a huge group of people I bend down to pick up something that a lady near me had dropped when it happened. The safety pin totally broke!!! Holy shit! How on earth am I to get from the middle of the group of people to the hallway (not anywhere close) without totally grabbing the front of my pants and holding them up!?!
Have you ever seen one of those contortionists who are able to throw their legs over their head or wrap their arms around their backs and grab their ear? Well I’m not one of them (by a long shot). I do this totally ridiculous move where I sort of hunch over and jam my elbow against the pants, effectively shoving them into my side, while sort of holding the other side up with my other hand that happened to be holding a cup of water at the time. Yeah, does the image of Quasi Moto (or however the hell you spell it) come to mind? I think I looked even more ridiculous than that!
I’m all about the class peeps ………. mom’s so proud……….
The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater 