The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Has the Water Supply Become Compromised in Kansas? ~ Guest Post By Matthew December 7, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:39 pm
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Enjoy another great guest blog post by Matthew!!

Has the Water Supply Become Compromised in Kansas?
*warning – this post has what is probably the most self-deprecating humor I’ve ever written.*
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I don’t have certifiable evidence that something has been slipped into the water here. Perhaps it’s an airborne “toxin”, or possibly we’re being fed genetically altered produce and livestock, all as a secret plot by local Kansas farmers to take over the world.
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Why have on gone conspiracy theory? For the last two weeks I’ve been exchanging the occasional message with a new woman on OkCupid. We’ve only exchange about 8 messages (between the two of us) but each one has technically increased in information and length. Considering that variable, my latest message to her included the comment that we should meet.
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I’ll actually provide you with a sneak peek into my dating world by putting my message to her in here, but we’ll get to that. First I need to finish my rational for suspecting a conspiracy.
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Time for another recap. Here’s 2012 for you so far, as it applies to my dating life.
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-I began 2012 in a relationship with (as she is now know) The Ex. 
-July I became single (hence why the The Ex is now known by that moniker). We are most definitely not in contact.
-July I met Red. I was attracted to her immediately when I first saw her. (Seriously, I could recount the story for you…) We eventually tried the dating thing briefly, but in the end the chemistry simply wasn’t there. Regrettably we are no longer in contact.
-August I met DS. We dated for a couple of months. Life intervened. We are currently friends.
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Perhaps those Mayans were on to something with their predictions for the world ending in two weeks. Life is providing me a grand send-off by making me believe I’m actually desirable to the opposite sex.
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I admit that really isn’t a long recap but if I were to compare it to some of my previous years, again when it pertains to dating, there would be maybe 1 bullet point, if even that. If my memory is working correctly I’m sure I didn’t date anyone (and by that I mean even go out on a date) during 2008 and maybe even 2009. Knowing this, 2012 has already become a high ranking year for me when it comes to encounters with the opposite sex. Do I really attribute this to a chemical imbalance in the environment? No, but it would explain a lot of other things.
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You could call it confidence, charm, or charisma. Personally, I just consider it being the fact that I am happy with who I am. Plain and simple. Sure there are things I would like to improve, when it comes to a couple items in my life, but that doesn’t necessarily make me unhappy, flawed, or unstable. Not only have I accepted who I am as a person/guy/human, but the way I carry myself expresses this to the outside world. Fortunately for me, women seem to be picking up on this. I like to believe that the following inner monologue takes place when a woman notices me on the street, “Hmmm, take a look at that incredibly handsome example of an Italian man with beautiful dark eyes, an adorable smile, and a wonderfully geeky t-shirt. He’s precisely the type of man I need in my life.”
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Haven’t I created a wonderful world in my head? You’re all welcome to join me. It really is a wonderful place, kind of like Wonka’s factory (Wilder not Depp).
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Apparently there’s at least one woman who seems to have tuned in to my ego-maniacal imagination as a conversation has been taking place on OkCupid. I thought I would provide you with a small exert from my latest response to her.
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*she listed on her profile that she dislikes cats, as did I, so I called her out on it and asked why. After receiving her list of reasons she asked me mine.*
Our cat “issues” are very similar. 1.) I’m somewhat allergic. Not to all cats, but most of them usually trigger misery for me. 2.) I’ve never understood the dynamic of having a cat as a pet. They are too independent. You don’t really need to care for them…they just exist, and don’t even contribute to rent, etc. 3.) They ARE shady S.O.B.s. Very much a ‘I’m-better-than-you’ vibe and extremely spiteful. I don’t trust them.
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I will admit that kitten are cute and I like them. But then they grow up…and become corrupt, losing all innocence.
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I am most definitely a dog person.
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*she grew up in KC so I asked her about some of her favorite places to go.*
Your Kansas City Secrets are pretty good. Some of them I’ve heard of (even been to) and others are new to my eyes. I too am a fan of [local park]. I occasionally stop by an establishment in [part of city] (usually [restaurant] for a beer and the patio). Have I mentioned I am a fan of live jazz/blues and the [jazz club] is probably my go-to place for that (though I haven’t been in ages).

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You have just solidified that I need to go to the [cafe]. It wasn’t until I moved to KC that I found my taste for falafel and hummus. Now, if given the opportunity to try somewhere new for them, I have to go.
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*in my profile I mention that one of my favorite things to do is cook, and that while cooking I am most likely singing along with whatever I have playing at the time. In a previous message she mentioned karaoke and then gave a playful jab asking if I’ve ever done karaoke or if I save my vocal stylings for my kitchen appliances.*
Would you believe that I have never done karaoke? Years in high school participating in various choirs, and even more years singing to my saute pan (well played by-the-way) or my car, but for some reason I’m a bit…shy…when it comes to karaoke. One of these days I need to overcome that.
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Now speaking of all of these amazing places in Kansas City I do have to ask, would you possibly be game for meeting? Perhaps at a place mentioned above, or somewhere completely different for one/both of us.
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How did that turn out for me, you may be asking yourself?
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She agreed that we should meet and we are currently working on establishing a day for this to happen.
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Have a great weekend!
 

Friendship After Romance, it won’t be easy but is possible ~ Guest Blog Post By Matthew December 1, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:54 am
Tags: , , , ,
Apparently Matthew has his head on straighter than mine regarding this concept.  Either that, or he’s not been paying attention ;-).  Anyway, please enjoy another great guest blog post by Matthew!
First a re-cap. Beginning in September I began dating a girl, DS. We met on OkCupid. A couple of months before we met, she began dating another boy she met on the site. Thus, when we started dating she was still dating this guy too. That’s what dating is right? Sure. In the beginning, yes, it’s reasonable to dating two, three, four people at a time. But when things begin to get serious decisions need to be made. That’s what happened here. Things began to get serious and she eventually needed to make a choice, him or me. Ultimately, she chose him. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t still have feelings/a crush on me. She does (as she admitted to me last night…but we’ll get to that).
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What about me? How did I take it when she told me she “felt in her gut that she had to see where things would go with [him]”? It stung. It hurt. It surprised me. I honestly had not seen it going that way because things were going extremely well between us. She knew this. She knew there would be a strong chance of us being happy together. Perhaps she was afraid of this, perhaps not. I’ll never really know for sure.
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What a lot of it comes down to is timing. Yes. I hate saying it, but timing apparently does matter. In this case, the timing was off. She was/is not ready to be with a man like me. Her choice has nothing to do with me, the type of man I am, or any choices I made while we were dating.
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However, to move on I had to shut the door on there being a possibility of there ever being anything other than friendship between us. More than that, I needed to make sure she understood that. That would be the only way we would be able to maintain a friendship. That would be the only way I would be able to respect myself.
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Before I get into everything else, I know there are some of you out there who are calling me ‘not-so-colorful’ words because I’m still talking to this girl and keeping her in my life. Some of you may say I’m trying to hold on to the hope of there being something between us in the future. Some of you think I’m getting played. I hear you. I respect your opinions. I’ve been told these things by many friends.
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Here’s my point of view. I have moved on from her. Do some things sting occasionally, yes. Would part of me be open to giving things another chance if timing ends up working in our favor? Perhaps, but she would most certainly need to earn it first. I’d feel like I came up ‘second fiddle’ and she would need to prove to me otherwise. This does not mean I’m pining away inside, secretly wanting her relationship to crash and burn.
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I want her to be happy. That is it.
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Being her friend. Being in her life, her being in my life makes me happy. Just because one aspect of our relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean that I just toss aside the numerous other aspects of the relationship we began building back in September. Our relationship was more than romantic. We built a friendship. We built a bond that is very rare.
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I don’t have many friends here in Kansas City. My closest friends are spread around the country. The friends I do have here are at different stages in their lives that myself (both are married and just recently had their first child). I’ve lived here for almost 6 years. In those 6 years I have met someone, and developed this particular type of bond, with two people (that’s including DS). I am not kidding when I say what we have is rare.
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So, last night we went out. This was the first time we had seen each other in precisely 4 weeks. This was the first time we’ve seen each other since she made her choice. This was the first time we would be going out just as friends.
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And it was great.
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Our dynamic had not changed at all when it came to conversation, laughing, picking on the other, and genuinely enjoying the others company. We did acknowledge the ‘elephant’ in the room from time to time. She feels guilty for hurting me. She feels guilty for the situation she had put me in while we were dating. Rightfully so I would poke at that guilt, here and there, with some comments. Nothing too mean, but just enough to make a point. She doesn’t hold it against me. I’m allowed to make my little jabs about how her taste in men is abysmal. How she made the wrong choice. And so on, and so forth.
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I also made a point last night that I did not want to be the reason she and [him] break up, should that ever happen. Needless to say, he isn’t too thrilled she and I are remaining friends. He has some jealousy. I would too if a girl I was dating was remaining friends with a guy she was just dating, and whom she had slept with. There is probably a good chance he knows she still has a little bit of a crush on me, considering that she told me she talks about me (from time to time) in front of him.
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What do I gather from that? Her relationship with [him] is probably destined to fail. Have I considered not being her friend as an act of respect for their relationship? Yes. Am I going to abandon our friendship? No. We don’t talk as much. We don’t text as much. We don’t see each other as often as we did.
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A friend of mine asked me what I get out of being friends with her. I get a lot. As I said earlier, I don’t throw everything away simply because one little thing didn’t work out; not when I’ve grown to care about someone.
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Is she ‘getting her cake and eating it too’? Yes. She and I both discussed exactly that last night. We both agree that she’s getting a pretty good deal right now. I said to her, “You’ve kind of got the best of both worlds right now. You are dating him and you still have me around in your life. You haven’t lost anything in this deal.” Her response to this, “No. I have lost something.”
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This implies, again, any potential future for she and I to be more than just friends. The fact that she feels this way, that she believes this, speaks loudly that her currently relationship is merely a transition period to get her from Point A to Point B in her life. And she knows that she’s sealed her own fate in not getting to be with a man who would not only treat her well, but make her happy.
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On a lighter note, I’m currently speaking with a girl on OkCupid whom I’m going to take the next step and ask if she would like to meet.
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To the future.

 

Back to the Dating Drawing Board…Again ~ Guest Blog Post By Matthew November 27, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:06 pm
Tags: , , , , ,
* While I’m still trying to figure out how to write about TD’s big non-surprise party, please enjoy another great guest post by Matthew*
Surprised to hear from me again? Curious where I’ve been the last couple of months? *Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be either.*
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I suppose what happens is that when it comes to the exploits of finding dates, and going on the first date (or two), I have no problem documenting and sharing some of the details. However, once things have the potential to become something other than casual dating, or blog fodder, I want to respect said person and their privacy. They didn’t ask to be broadcast into the interwebs, so I just let it be.
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That being said, yes, for the last couple of months I was dating a woman I met on OkCupid. The only problem was that when we met she had already been dating another guy, that she met on the site about two months earlier. Upon meeting me, keeping things relatively casual, she continued dating the two of us.
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Long story short, things began to get more serious as time went by and eventually she had to make a choice. Unfortunately, I didn’t make the cut. I won’t disclose the reasons. I will say I believe she is making the wrong choice for all of the wrong reasons. *Because if she doesn’t want to be with me she obviously has abysmal taste in men :)*
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Does the situation suck? Yes. Absolutely. She is a great woman. The potential for something great did exist. We had chemistry on various levels. It was all there…except the timing really.
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Should her endeavors with this other guy implode, only time will be able to tell if I’m still available. However I did make it a point to ask her if she was absolutely certain this was the decision she wanted to make; explaining that if if so…the door for us ever was shutting and we would never be more than just friends from this point on.
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So yes, we have decided to try and stay friends. I’ve made my peace with everything. Sure, there are times where things sting a little bit. Like last night I was logged into OkCupid and was deleting some old messages from women where the conversation went flat (stopped abruptly). It was then that I noticed the messages she and I had exchanged no longer had an image. She had either hidden, or removed, her profile. And it stung a little. There was a very small part of my mind that thought, “There is something about me that wasn’t good enough for her to remove her profile from the site; where this other guy has that ‘something’.”
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But I know that’s a ridiculous way to think. How do I know that? Because I’ve told plenty of friends NOT to think that way when dealing with similar dating situations. I know that her reasons have absolutely nothing to do with me, the type of guy I am, or how I choose to live and date. She just wasn’t the person who is supposed to fully recognize all of those qualities in me.
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One day I will find a woman who is as crazy about me, as I am for her.
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Thus, brings us to where we are today.
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I’m on the “hunt”.
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Since she and I parted our romantic ways I have hit the ground running; determined to find the woman I’m going to marry. It may not be the next woman I date. Or the one after that. But eventually I’ll find her. Those are important, and specifically chosen, words too. I’ll find her. I’m done waiting for it to “just happen”. I don’t believe in that common phrase, “If you stop looking, that’s when it will happen.” To be honest with you, that typically really applies to women. Being a guy, you can’t stop looking. You stop looking, you’re screwed.
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Here’s the plan. I’m going to take my online dating to a new level. Currently I have accounts on OkCupid and POF. When it comes to those two sites, I’ve had decent success on OkC and will continue to push on there. I’m probably going to deactivate my account on POF because there are very few women in my area, on that site, that catch my interest.
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After the new year, if I haven’t “found” anyone yet, I’m going to bite the bullet and sign up for a pay dating site for my first time ever. This being the case, which site would you all recommend? I’m a 31 year old, single white male who lives in the Midwest. Which site has the most promise for me? Which one has the best deals? Which is more cost effective? 🙂
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I’ll begin posting some profile updates; asking for opinions, thoughts and constructive criticism.
 

Casual Dating ……… (Guest Blog Post By Matthew) September 20, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:20 am
Tags: , , , ,

* enjoy another great guest blog post by Matthew (you know, the one that has good luck in dating* 🙂

 

Good day from Los Angeles, California! The city of angels! It’s been a long time, has it not? So much has gone on since I last wrote so let me try to summarize things as best I can. (Trust me when I say summarizing is not one of my strong suits.)

 

First there was Red (the girl I met through a friend of mine). As of right now it would appear that are only going to be friends. Things got “weird” after a while and I’m not quite sure where to point blame. You see, from my perspective it looked like she was pulling away when it came to any signs of there being anything beyond a friendship. At the same time, most of the times we would see each other were arranged like one would make plans with a good friend. I tried taking her out on an actual date, making sure she understood I was looking at it as a date, and things just felt different.

 

Considering all of that, as of right now I can really only see a friendship with her right now. Could that change in the future? Sure. Maybe. She is attractive, easy to get along with, fun to be with, incredibly talented; any guy would be lucky to be with her.

 

But now there’s also the girl I briefly mentioned posts ago who I met via OkCupid. For the sake of continuity on this particular blog I’m going to call her DS. She and I did eventually end up meeting for coffee and sat there for 3 hours talking. A couple of weeks later we ended up going to a free art gallery event my city has at the beginning of every month. That particular date lasted about 10 hours, wrapping up at 4:30am. We made plans for that following Wednesday where she came over to my apartment and I made her dinner (bacon wrapped pork chops and baked sweet potatoes with green pepper and tomato). The rest of that evening we sat in the apartment and talked until a decent time to call it a night. The following day we were texting and I told her I really wanted to see her one more time before leaving for my trip (by then it was only a day away). She ended up coming over that night and didn’t leave until close to 3am.

 

Clearly I really like her.  DS and I click on so many levels, many similar levels to Red but with one major difference. DS and I have, without any doubt, chemistry. She and I have been texting every day since I left for my trip, and even the last four nights we’ve spoken on the phone before she goes to bed (since I’m currently 2 hours behind her).

 

Don’t go thinking all is 100% hunky-dory in Matthewland. What would life be if there weren’t a minor hurdle? I call this a minor hurdle for obvious reasons which you’ll see as you read on.

 

Yesterday we essentially briefly had that discussion regarding seeing other people right now. For now, she is seeing other guys. That makes sense. We’ve technically only had 4 dates. We’ve only known each other for 2 months (if you start from when I sent her that first e-mail). Whatever we have right now is really young. It still needs necessary time to grow. I get that. She also needs time to be ‘single’ for reasons of her own which I am not going to divulge here.

 

Here’s the thing with me. I’m not much of a casual dater. If I’m interested in someone they, more-or-less, have 100% of my attention. I told her this. I told her I’ve never really been good at seeing more than one woman at a time so I probably wouldn’t be seeing anyone else while we’re dating. Trust me here people when I say I wish I could be more of a casual dater…but I’m not. I recently wrote an article on my blog about recognizing a good thing when it’s in front of you. Right now, she is that good thing. I recognize that.

 

I know she likes me. I mean, really likes me. If she didn’t we wouldn’t be texting every day. We wouldn’t talk every night just before she goes to sleep. I’m grateful she was up front and honest with me regarding seeing other guys. It sucks a little bit, but it also gives me reason to make sure I stand out above the rest of them.

 

I’m going to keep on doing what I’m doing, and hopefully (sooner than later) she’ll realize seeing any other guys is a waste of time. I don’t have to “step up” my “game” because how I pursue a relationship isn’t any different whether I’m the only guy she’s seeing or if I’m one of many.

 

But please don’t think I’m throwing all of my eggs in a basket that may not even be mine. While I may not be actively looking to date other women and DS and I are dating, it doesn’t mean that I’ll be waiting around for her to make up her mind either. If I happen to meet another woman during this situation I’m not going to necessarily turn my head at the opportunity.

 

This simply means that, through my eyes right now, I hope DS figures out everything she needs to before live intervenes and introduces someone else into my life.

 

Like A Phoenix Rising From The Ashes ~ Guest Blog Post By Matthew August 21, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:19 pm
Tags: , ,

Another great guest blog post by Matthew:

While catching up with a good friend of mine the other day I mentioned that things were going amazingly…well, good. There isn’t a single thing for me to complain about; and believe me I’ve tried. 😉
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He is fully aware of the drama I recently went through so he made the comment, “It’s like your life is a phoenix brought into new life from it’s very own ashes.”
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And he couldn’t be more right.
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I went through 6 to 8 weeks of hell and drama. If it wasn’t relationship related, it was work related. If it wasn’t work related, it was some stupid BS from a friend (now former friend). There was not a single aspect of my life that was protected from becoming subject to ridiculous drama.
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Though I had slowly begun to turn things around for myself (particularly with the work and friend drama); things really began to turn around last Wednesday when I moved into my new apartment. I’ve never used any type of drug or narcotic (besides prescription) but I can imagine this must be a variation of what “feeling high” is like *without purple elephants and a psychedelic melting color-wheel of a world*.
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Things may have severely sucked the last couple of months but if going through it was necessary to get where I currently am now, then perhaps I owe ‘life’ an apology.
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Since this is a dating blog I should probably focus on that particular aspect. Remember Tower Girl? Well…first I’ll refer to her as Red from now on…because it just works better and she doesn’t sound like some really bad high school drama on The CW. She and I have been spending a lot of time together since I moved into the new place.
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Let’s do the math. For the six days I have lived in that apartment I have seen Red on five of them. Now, I know this is probably going against everything I’ve said since my break-up about wanting to take things slow and not jump into anything; and surprisingly that is actually what is going on here. She and I are simply getting to know each other better. With little effort we have been able to maintain a balance by getting to know each other on a casual (almost platonic) level but making sure we both know that there is still interest for something more than that in future.
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Okay. I will admit that the more time I spend with her the more I like her. I can’t help it. If you met her you would feel the exact same way. One particular thing I absolutely enjoy about our dynamic is that we don’t have to have already-made plans to do something together. A perfect example is actually from last night. We were texting and eventually it reached the point of asking what the other was doing that night. Both of us didn’t have anything particular planned other than an evening at home, and since we live about 5 minutes apart, she suggested a TV night. She came over. We talked. Played with her dog. Watched some TV.
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No planning necessary. Simply, “What are you up to?” or “Want to come over?”
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Everything is natural with her. I don’t feel pressure to be anything I’m not, to act any particular way, to say the right thing. Things just happen the way they are going to happen.
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This last Sunday we got together for a late lunch and to keep the other company while running some errands. My particular errand was browsing shops for a couch. The best way to give you the vibe for the entire experience is think about the scene in 500 Days of Summer where the two leads are walking around IKEA. Got it? Now take away all over the overly-cinematic stuff and pretend we are regular people (and not characters written for a movie) and that was my Sunday afternoon. It was the most fun I’ve probably had furniture shopping.
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Experience, and current events, have lead me to the following conclusion.
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When it comes to how I approach my next relationship I can talk until I’m blue in the face about a game plan, but it really doesn’t matter. Why bother trying to control it? Why not just let things happen in the manner they are going to happen?
 

No Googling Needed …………… a guest post by Matthew August 15, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:23 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Another great guest blog post by Matthew!  Enjoy!

This being an online dating blog it only makes sense to go for “complete” *not really* disclosure and share some examples…directly from my own personal online dating profile.
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Take note the below supplied text are just bits from each category and not my complete profile. What I’ve included are the things that have helped facilitate a conversation, or connection, with another patron of the site. However, there are a few items that do indicate the type of person I am.
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My personal advice when creating your own profile: be honest. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t.
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Self-Summary: *a glimpse on who I am*
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At work I’m a “dress-up” type of guy; button down shirts, ties (where else am I going to wear them?). At home/off-the-clock I’m a jeans, t-shirt and occasional hat type of guy.
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I’m not the type to sleep in (even on weekends). Typically, I’m the most productive early in the morning. And by productive sometimes it means I’ll start a load of laundry and then kick back on the couch while watching TV, other times I’ll go out for a long run and take care of errands (all before lunch).
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What I’m Doing With My Life: *a glimpse at my goals*
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The bulk of it revolves around my considerations for a career change and the best way to go about making those “dreams” a reality. If I had to name the “perfect” situation, I would love to have my own coffee shop/bakery (pseudo-diner).
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I’m Really Good At: *believe it or not, a glimpse at my ‘talents’*
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Cooking and baking. My co-workers get the most benefit from this and they are eternally grateful (most of the time). One of them even paid me a $1 for a chocolate bacon home-made brownie once.
First Thing Noticed: *a glimpse at why I may stand out*
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Most people say I have a very distinct laugh and after talking to me they will usually comment on how welcoming and easy I am to talk to.
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Things Not To Be Without: *a glimpse at what’s important*
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My niece and nephew are going to be considered a single unit, now that I know them I don’t ever want my life to be without them.
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The dog I will eventually adopt.
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Message Me If: *an honest glimpse at where I am in dating*
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…you’re simply looking to meet someone new. I’m not particularly looking for anything really serious on the relationship front right now but am always welcome to meeting, talking and experiencing new things with new people. My perspective is relationships, worthwhile relationships, take time to build and grow. They all need to begin somewhere right?

 

 

Options Are Good ……….. (guest blog posting by Matthew) August 11, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:28 pm
Tags: , , ,

Another Guest Blog Posting by Matthew (you know, the one who has good luck when dating) :

It would be a major understatement for me to say that I’m behind in updates regarding my newly single status in life. There have been an odd number of positive incidents in my favor when it comes to women; women interested in me. Now, when I say “odd number” that can literally be translated to mean a.) e-mailing with one woman on OKCupid and having one heck of a time getting our schedules to actually work for meeting in person and b.) mutual interest has been expressed between myself and a woman I was introduced to by a friend (now former friend).

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There are probably at least 2 to 3 posts I can type up regarding the situation from the woman from Option B but let me first tell you about last night (Thursday night).

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She and I technically had a date. I say technically because due to some current circumstances (which will be explained, partially, in a later post) and my recent transition back into “bachelor-hood” we came to an agreement that we would take our time to get to know each other. There is mutual interest in the other but we’re not feeling rushed to jump into anything serious. That being said I would say last night could be categorized somewhere between a date and two people simply getting to know the other to better decide if something beyond a platonic relationship is desired.
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And reading that last sentence I realize that I pretty much defined what ‘Dating’ means. So, let’s just call it what it was. A date.
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Wow. I like that. I’ve never really been that person to just get back on the horse before. Suppose I can take that as a sign that I’m finally at the point where I know who I am, the man I want to be and what I want in life and in a potential partner. Go me.
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Plans were very low key. We decided to go out for ice cream and then “play it by ear”; and boy did we. We ended up walking around a used book store. Drove to a nearby lake and walked around there. Drove around a little bit and then called it a night. For having no definite plans I think we successfully pulled it off considering I brought her home a little more than 3 hours later. Better yet, when I commented on how unorganized the nights plans seemed she said she actually enjoyed it and it felt good not having that pressure of feeling rushed to be somewhere by a particular time.
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Score one for Matthew and preferring the low-key approach.
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But let’s go back to the lake shall we?
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At said lake there is an observation tower that you can climb up and get a great 360 degree view of the park and surrounding city. A friend had told me about it years ago and I’ve always wanted to go up there some morning to shoot some pictures, and video, of the sunrise. As we were driving through the park she noticed it and suggested we go up.
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Let me take a moment to make an aside and explain that apparently this ‘watch tower’ is a hang out for teenagers. Sadly, there were some there last night.
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Continuing on…
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We proceed to climb up and various levels of stairs to reach the top. It was amazing and better yet no one else was up there with us. We spent time talking about random things, trying to figure what we could see under the shroud of darkness. Eventually we began stargazing and trying to identify constellations. She successfully beat me in locating the Big Dipper. After finding that one we both had exhausted our constellation knowledge. When I think constellations I begin to think of a couple of scenes in ‘Serendipity’; so I asked her if she was familiar with the movie (even admitting that it is one of my guilty pleasure Rom-Coms; and she even said I made it much cooler by referring to it as a Rom-Com). I began to explain that in the movie John Cusack notices that Kate Beckinsale has a set of freckles on her arm in the shape of Cassiopeia and he continues to tell the origin story while connecting her freckles with a marker.
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During all of this the moment began to feel more and more right to kiss her. Now, this would not be our first kiss but it would be the first kiss since our first kiss; and we’ve seen each other a couple of times since that first time.
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I am completely comfortable saying that at this current moment I deeply despise teenagers and I wish they would hurry up and get back to school; because before I could act on that increasing moment, a couple of them appeared before us. Then more came. We were no longer alone on the top of the watch tower.
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Within a matter of minutes we decide it was time to go somewhere else.
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The moment was spoiled by the impeccable timing of young almost-adults so whether it was voluntary or not the point goes to them. But do not be mistaken. Another moment will come. Perhaps equally as good. Perhaps better than this particular night. But I can promise you that when that time finally finds us again I’m not going to let it get beyond my reach.
 

Breaking Up May Be Hard To Do; But Living Together After Can Be Harder ……… (guest post by Matthew) August 6, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:45 pm
Tags: , , ,

Here’s another great guest blog post by Matthew! 🙂

Where we last left off (before some of living situation drama) the Ex had sat me down and said, “I have something I need to tell you.”

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She then followed by saying that things weren’t going to work between us. We both had different lives. We grew up with different things, different experiences and we both wanted different things out of the future.
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I was quiet for a little while before I started to snicker as I told her I had seen this coming, that I had been preparing for it. That though it still came as a bit of a shock I understood and agreed that things had been stacked up against us for a while.
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Long story short we ended up having a very calm, respectful and understanding conversation while ending a 16 month partnership. In the end we agreed that for the time being it would be easier to give each other space once we moved out of the house we had been sharing. That maybe a friendship would be able to be salvaged but only time would be able to tell regarding that. We agreed that boundaries would be in place, the most important being sleeping arrangements. I volunteered to sleep on the couch in the living room since I had to get  up every morning at 4:30 to get ready for work so it only made sense.
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That weekend I decided to give her some space and I crashed elsewhere for a few nights.
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Three days later when I returned home the vibe had completely changed. I was met with anger, hostility and frustration. I was dumb-struck. It seemed like the plan to try and live in a civilized co-existence had been altered. The only reasoning I could come up with was that perhaps she felt it would be easier to live together if she hated me. Fights were picked. I wasn’t going to sit back and be disrespected and defended myself. I am not proud to admit that occasionally some things were said purely out of anger. I am typically not a prideful man, but I do often take pride in trying to adhere to the rule that “I don’t say anything I don’t mean.” Words are very important to me. Words are just as important as actions. Words are like an agreement you make with your own soul. Words can lie to others but they can’t lie to yourself; so why waste the time saying something that isn’t true?
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Things carried on like this in a roller coaster type fashion. Some days were better than others. Other days we were completely fine and able to be in the same house without any tension. Still, those days were few and far between. That is until a couple of days ago…when things blew up in epic proportions. It was probably the worst, and most heated, argument we have had in the entire time knowing each other.
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As life tends to make things interesting it appears that we had to reach our deepest, darkest place before finding the “light”. I am happy to say that the following day we both made our apologies and had a much needed conversation about the remaining time we had in the house together.
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About a week remains before I move into my new apartment. Though we will finally begin to have the much needed space and time apart from one another our paths will not be completely disconnected until the end of the month.
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Hopefully things will not extend beyond that point. I really need to just move on with things (namely my life) and can not do so until all ties have been severed completely. Once that happens, only time will tell if we’ll ever cross paths again.
 

Timing Is Everything……. August 2, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:48 am
Tags: , ,

Not for me, you sillies, we all know I have the world’s worst timing.  For just about everything.  Matthew, however, seems to be a bit more blessed as the universe seems to have stepped in and helped him out when he needed it.  Too bad the universe kinda prefers to keep rubbing salt in the wound for me, but apparently Matthew was born under some sort of a lucky star …………..

A Story About How Some Things Just End …. Written by Matthew:

It only makes sense to tell the story of the demise of my latest relationship. I should tell you now that certain things will be intentionally left out. Some things are personal and they are meant to be remain that way. Regardless of the current status between the Ex and I, I still respect her privacy and the fact that what happens between two people remains between those two people. I treat my friends the very same way. If they tell me something in confidence that information will never leave my ears. When you’re in a relationship beyond that of your common friendship there are things that are confidential without the need to ask for it.

Like any relationship we had our drama. We had our arguments. But we also had many great moments. Times of laughter, of compassion, of love. Sadly those good times began to decrease in frequency and the bad times increased. I’m not absolutely sure when I began having my doubts about our future because once a thought like that entered my mind I would push it back and make myself believe that I was simply overreacting.
A few weeks after those thoughts began breaking down the protective barriers I had put up, the shit really hit the fan. This is a particular moment in the story where the details will be left to remain a mystery. I will simply say that things got bad. Very bad. Out of any argument, or bad situation, we had ever had; when this one “ended” the idea of us ever coming back from it was a completely foreign concept. But that didn’t stop me from remaining optimistic. Somehow I felt it was still worth waiting out. There were some external variables that I believed may have been influencing things. I’m a fighter, not in the literal sense of physical violence but in fighting for something even when all hope seems lost. *something I often refer to as a “Superhero Complex”*
I told myself wait it out. In time things will get better and all of those good times will return. But with every day that passed I began to doubt even my own words.
Days turned into a couple of weeks and distance was the closest things between us. Even when sleeping in the same bed I felt like we were miles apart. The woman I had fallen in love with was fading and I needed to begin to realize that she wasn’t coming back. The doubts I had been having were beginning to make sense, yet I didn’t have it in me to vocalize them. She was still going through a LOT and adding a break-up to it just didn’t seem…right.
About two weeks before the break up I could see the end looming. Things had changed. In my gut I knew something was wrong and it was building towards an end. Fortunately, around that same time new and old friends began to come out of the woodwork.
My oldest friend (since 3rd grade) was in my city for the week during the 4th of July. He and I spent a lot of time hanging out that week. Around the time he left I got a text from one of my old roommates from Los Angeles, who is basically like a sister to me. She was on a road trip with a friend of hers. They were only 8 hours from the city and planned on sticking around for a couple of days before proceeding to their next destination. We had a couple of days to catch up and hang out as it had been 3 years since we had last seen each other.
That same weekend I was introduced to a group of people through a new friend of mine from work. Let me say they are my type of people. Fortunately, I’m their type of people too and I’ve had no problem blending in with their already stellar dynamic.
This work friend and I were driving to a group gathering where we planned on grilling and taking in a horror flick. Well, the grilling happened but we actually ended up watching episodes of the old She-Ra cartoon on Netflix (yes, 30-somethings watching She-Ra). Don’t worry, we were adding our own commentary while enjoy some beverages of the alcoholic persuasion. But rewind a bit, on the drive there I told me friend that I had a gut feeling that the Ex was going to break up with me. I just felt it. It would only be a matter of when she would do it.
He was amazingly optimistic, a role I usually get cast in. He tried comforting me by saying I was looking into things too much. Though everything he said made sense I had to keep to telling him that rationality could not supersede what I felt on the inside.
Sure enough the very next day, after getting home from having some wings and beer with the very same friend, she sat me down and said, “I have something I need to tell you.”
 

To Meet Or Not To Meet? July 30, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:32 am
Tags: , , , ,

Oh hell no, not me for crying out loud (it’s like you don’t know me at all).  The only ‘real’ communication I’ve had is with a guy from E-Horrorme who doesn’t ask me a single question in his messages to me although I’ve given him many an opening.  I’m guessing neither of us is all that excited about the other …. oh well.

Anywhoo………Matthew needs our help (oy, to have his problems) 😉 ! Read on…..

There were a number of things I wanted to get posted for you all *two or three readers* before getting into the following situation, but alas life had other plans.
Ideally, I would have had at least a couple of weeks to lay down some ground work and establish a background regarding how things have been the last few weeks, and even provide a little insight on how things were for me personally during the last couple of months while still in my latest relationship.
Alas, life has other plans. So, we’re just going to have to dive into things and then I’ll get to that other stuff at a later date. Kind of think of my posts like a Quentin Tarantino movie where the chronology jumps back and forth between past, present and future.
Here’s the short and condensed version of the last couple of months. There was tension between the girl and I. Some less-than-stellar arguments. Friction in the relationship. Doubts about our future together began to loom. Distancing was done. Relationship ended.
Up to date? Good. 🙂
Because here’s where I’m in a bit of a pinch.
Since I was having my own doubts about the relationship I didn’t really require that much of a mourning period when the Ex and I officially broke up. Yes, any break up stinks but you can’t fight the truth and facts. Not wanting to sit idly by and let life go on without me I decided to be proactive and get out into the world to meet new people…
…by creating a new account and building a profile on OkCupid (or OKStupid if you’re GG).
Nearly 2 years ago, when I last had an account here, my sent/received messages ratio was close to 40:1. I hardly got any type of replies.
Obviously hell has frozen over because out of four girls I sent messages to over the last week, two have written back already. How am I suddenly getting 2:1 odds? Did I actually write a decent profile? *I am very well submit some excerpts from my profile for your review at a later date*
Over this last weekend (Friday-Sunday) I’ve shared a back-and-forth with a very cool girl on there. We’ve both written four (4) times to the other. The conversations have been good. Fun comments and jabs at the other persons expense. Good rapport. She is definitely someone I could have a good time with.
Here’s where I need a little advice.
I’m beginning to get the feeling that the time is already coming to option an actual face-to-face meeting. My guts says that if I don’t make some sort of forward movement besides small comments that suggest eventually meeting in person any, and all, opportunities could be lost and she may lose interest completely.
Even though I make my intentions clear on my profile that I’m not looking for anything serious at this time, suggesting meeting face-to-face is technically going to be a date. Well, I didn’t really think I’d be going on any dates, at least, until I moved into my new apartment…considering that fact that the Ex and I are still living together in the same house until I move into said new apartment beginning August 15th. *please note that since the break-up I have been sleeping in the living room, on the couch, so there has been absolutely no funny business.*
What do you all think? Should I suggest meeting in person even though I was trying to avoid “dating” until the Ex and I were no longer living in the same house? Is it even an option of telling this girl that I’d like to meet but would prefer waiting until mid-August? Is my gut even correct in thinking she may lose interest (platonic-ally or more) if I don’t break the message chain soon?
 

It’s About Time Someone Around Here Starts Dating…… July 28, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:23 am
Tags: , , , ,

As I seem to be off my game (translation: I suck) and I am quite positive that you all cannot figure out why a blog that claims to be about internet dating is full of self pitying whiney annoying posts, I figured I’d throw you all a bone.  Actually, I believe someone else has taken pity on you and has offered to help throw bones (possibly literally).  Although I am doing my best to get back into dating, it may be a boring rough road.  I figured I might need some help.  You’ve all 2 have read my opinion on things and dates and outlooks and douchebags online for almost 2 years now (and thank you for not killing yourselves yet) but I think getting a male perspective on all this nonsense might be a pretty damn awesome thing.  And will totally help me out so that I have something interesting to post for you all to read other than my shopping list and woe is me crap.  So, my friends, I have been virtually approached by one of my favorite bloggers to partner up and have him (yes, a guy!) post his tales of all things internet dating on here!  Yey!  Finally something interesting for you all to read!  A guy who internet dates.  Not just any guy mind you.  A really good guy who seems to have a great heart an amazing way with words, and possibly some soon to share lurid dating stories!!!  So, without further ado, I give you …………………. Matthew!!!! (I’m so flippin’ excited about this!) 🙂

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Good Morning/Day/Evening to you.
Some of you know me. Some of you do not. Odds are, most of you have no friggin’ clue who I am. My name is Matthew. I blog. What about? Why don’t you go take a gander, I’ll wait. [this is where you want to click on this link to visit my personal blog: http://insidetheniceguy.wordpress.com]
That’s the basic gist of things. I’m a good guy, or at least I try to be. Yes, we all screw up from time to time. Other times we are merely human and as humans we sometimes do things that make us out to be the bad guy. The thing to take away from it is to try and learn from those situations, those experiences, and allow yourself the opportunity to recognize if there are any things you want to change.
Our lives are made up of choices. Our lives are made up of situations. Our lives are made up from circumstance.
But I don’t need to go off on some philosophical tangent about life and how to lead a better one. I need to get to the reason for why I’m here on GG’s page and why you’re reading this?
On Friday July 13th, 2012 my girlfriend, of 16 months, ended our relationship. To be honest I had seen it coming weeks before. To be more honest, there were times in those last couple of months that I even began to have my doubts about our future together. But I’m an optimistic guy. I would rather try, and fail, at something than never try at all. I was creating the “excuse” that we were just in a slump and things would eventually rebound and be like they were at the beginning.
Arriving at home that evening from having taken a buddy of mine out for some beer and wings (as he had just been let go from his job that very morning), immediately walking in the door she said, “I have something I need to tell you.”
I’m thirty-one [31]. There is enough experience in those years to know that typically those words are not followed up with, “I just won the 1,000,000 dollar jackpot.”
Without boring you in details we ended on a good note. It could probably go down as one of the best break ups ever; and perhaps some day I may share more details with you. But for now you simply get, we both eventually agreed with the reasoning behind why things simply would not work out for us.
In the past, when a relationship ended, I took a LONG time before getting back into the dating world. I’d evaluate the relationship; things I liked about myself, things I didn’t. I’d take time to reflect and figure out what (if any) changes I wanted to make before trying to include someone into my life again.
This time around…I’m not really feeling that. I’m ready to get back into the dating world again. Not this exact minute but close enough.
Here’s where things stand right now. She and I are currently living in the same house. It is going to be like that for somewhere between the next 5 days to 3 weeks. During that time I will not be going on any dates, nor pursuing anything of that nature. To me, that’s just being respectful to not only her, but our relationship and even the girl(s) I’ll eventually end up going out with.
August 20th I am hoping to be completely moved into a new apartment and thus beginning my “bachelor” living status again.
Traditionally I’ve always been a relationship type of guy. Always looking for the next adventure in love. I’ve been in love three times, with about 5 years (average) between those relationships. During those single periods in life I never really dated around. Not much casual dating.
I’ve never had a one-night-stand or even had a casual sexual relationship with someone. Yes, I’ve had a couple ‘friends-with-benefits’ but that more (or less) involved making out, fooling around a little bit, but never any sex.
Here’s where you get a bit of a twist. Casual dating, random making out, perhaps even a consensual casual sex ‘agreement’ appeals to me right now. The key is to have fun and enjoy life. For someone who has never really done this…it’s kind of intimidating/frightening/exciting. I’m looking forward to meeting a lot of people. I’m looking forward to experience new things. I’m looking forward to loosening these chains that have been wound tightly around me for too long.
Please do not misinterpret my intentions regarding relationships. Yes, in the end, I would love to eventually meet the woman to call Mrs. Matthew but I am going to let time be on my side. If I meet someone I don’t want to just jump into a relationship with them. I want to give it the time it rightly deserves to grow and develop.
And that, my friends, if why I’m here because I’m going to need somewhere to put my thoughts; to come for advice and other minds. GG has been ever so gracious to allow me to document my experiences here on her blog and I think it will be a very good fit considering her blog theme and experiences and I think we all (writers and readers) will benefit from this additional perspective (male) on the dating/single life.
So, that’s the beginning to my story.