The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Dating Down January 29, 2018

Now, before anyone jumps my shit, take a deep breath and just read. Dating down has many connotations. Most of them negative. It implies that you’re better than someone else. That they aren’t as worthy. That they aren’t up to your standards. That is NOT what I am referring to. I don’t look down on others. Well, I do, but not my brave online dates, and if it happens, they usually deserve it for being a shitty human being.

I’m not a shitty person. As a matter of fact, I’m a damn good person. A damn good person who’s a pretty good catch. A damn good person who doesn’t need anyone else’s money. A damn good person who doesn’t care what a person has, but instead cares about who they are as person. A damn good person with some pretty significant insecurities. A damn good person who often hides these insecurities under a thick layer of self deprecation, humor and sarcasm. I’m nothing if not self aware. I know I can be an idiot a lot sometimes. I know at times that I have the emotional maturity of a petulant 7 year old. I own it though. I own it all. All my shit that is tied up in nice little compartments with decorative bows.

Dating down has nothing to do with looks or character or wealth or height or weight or anything that you can put your finger on. It has to do with me owning my shit. It has been proven time and time again that I cannot handle dating someone that I’m totally into. I turn into this crazy insecure idiot that I do not like. It brings out ALL of my insecurities and makes me question (and ultimately ruin) everything. You don’t believe me? Remember everyone’s favorite douchebag TD? The one who ruined my life (and blog) for more than 2 years more like 4years? The one that made me question absolutely everything about myself and what I brought to the table? The one who stole my happy from me and morphed from the most amazing man ever, to one of the worst? I know I had something to do with that. I always do. No one is ever blameless.

I just can’t handle really liking someone. NYE date is a prime example. I went out with the guy twice. I really liked him. If I didn’t get a text from him each morning or if he took too long to respond to a text of mine (according to my fucked up time frame), my mind would take over and I’d start spinning. It’s insane. It makes ME feel insane. It’s not a good feeling and I don’t want to do it anymore.

In the spirit of self preservation, I have decided that I can only date men that I am fairly ‘meh’ about. Guys that I like, but that I’m not 100% into. This doesn’t mean they’re not good people or unattractive, it’s just men that for whatever reason, I don’t connect with. I’m a great date with guys that I’m not all that into. I don’t second guess everything I say. I don’t worry about what they’ll think. I don’t worry if they think I’m pretty. Or if my ass looks big in these jeans. I’m just my authentic self, say what I want and let the cards fall where they may.

I have had a couple ‘meh’ dates since I moved here. I was funny and witty and charming and the guys liked me. They wanted to go out again. I agreed. Nothing has been set up yet, though. Here’s the difference: whereas I would start spinning from not hearing from a guy I like within 2 days (okay, who am I kidding, within 2 hours), I’m actually okay not hearing from them. I don’t obsess over it. My mind doesn’t create stories. My insecurities don’t come racing to the forefront. I’m okay either way hearing from them or not.

While this may sound shitty, I don’t think it is. It could be one of those things where ‘love grows’ or whatever such bullshit you read in a greeting card. I just know that for me, it’s ‘safer’ for me to not care so much. To not be so invested. To not have my mind spinning out of control. I’ve heard time and again people say that you should be with someone who loves you more than you love them. I always thought that sounded pretty sad and was a bunch of bullshit. I think that’s what I need to do though. I can’t handle it otherwise ……


Wow, That Was Fast! February 11, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:13 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Amazing.  I just put my profile back up on Match and guess what?  I already have a date for Valentine’s Day!!!! Yey me!  Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I didn’t actually find my date on match.  It was more of a speed dating event.  Nor is this date my usual ‘type’.  Okay fine, I’m going out with a girlfriend.  To a single’s event.  While I can’t really think of anything more horrifying than a singles event being held on Valentine’s Day, it beats sitting home eating heart shaped chocolates that I bought for myself and watching Top Chef re-runs (although I can’t wait to see the finale).

It’s actually an event that I found out about through one of my new meetup groups (that site is kinda awesome as you can join one or 5,000 groups that are all sorta customized to what you’re looking for).  The event is being held at a bar that I’ve never been to that is supposed to be pretty cool.  And it’s a fairly interactive one (the event, not the bar ……. duh).  Which will most likely prevent me/us from standing in a corner with a cocktail in hand and people watching.

It’s called a ‘lock and key’ event.  For those unfamiliar (which was me up until about an hour ago), the women get keys when they arrive and the guys get locks.  The mission is to find as many locks as your key will actually unlock.  As highly phallic as this activity is (at least to those of us with dirty minds), it kinda sounds like fun.  I think.  I know for sure that the drink specials sound fun.  And I’m pretty certain that my friend and I will be more fun than many of the other women there.  Want to know how I know this?  Well, that’s because there is a message board on this particular meetup group’s activity site.  Which, for those of us that are not actually lurkers (me), means that you can post comments.  And 2 of the women have already posted that they’re afraid it’s going to be ‘too cold’ as the event is being held out on the patio of this big bar.  The patio of this bar that has fireplaces and space heaters.  I’m also fairly certain that although we are a desert climate that stores sell these crazy, newfangled things called coats in order to keep warm.  🙂

Yey for locks and keys!  Or just drink specials …….. 😉