The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Much Overdue April 15, 2020

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:19 am
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** this post is from April and kind of a missing link **

Understatement of the year. I wanted to update all two of you everyone on Grey Goose’s state of affairs. First and foremost, thank you to all that kept good thoughts for my doggie. After being in the ICU for over a week and almost losing him 2 more times, he was discharged to me. I thought it was hard having him in ICU! I had no idea how hard having to force feed, give meds to around the clock and generally keep him alive would be. I did it. He did it. After several more weeks in a shitty hotel and innumerable blood tests and follow up visits, I was given the okay to embark on the 18 hour drive back home. He is still in treatment and there is every possibility that he could relapse, but for now, finally, he is doing well.

Okay, crisis #1 averted. I still had crisis #2 to deal with. Remember that trip I said I had planned with Mr. OoT? The one that he said he would only NOT go on if I paid him for his ticket? The one that we had planned for almost a year? The one that was pretty tops on my bucket list? Yes, that one. What to do, what to do? My dog was still very sick, I hadn’t spoken to Mr. OoT since the ‘I never wanted to be with you’ phone call. Did I want to travel and leave my dog behind? Did I want to see Mr. OoT? The answer to both of these questions was a resounding NO. It wasn’t until the night before we were supposed to leave and an emergency dinner with friends (they ate, I cried) that I decided to go. My dog was in VERY good hands with my most trusted friend (actually an old boyfriend who we always joked loved my dogs more than he did me – truth), I didn’t have trip insurance and just having spent well over 8 grand saving my doggie (thank you CARE card), I knew if I didn’t go on this trip now, I never would.

So I went. And Mr. OoT was amazing. Helpful and kind and patient and wonderful. I had to keep reminding myself that this was the version of himself that I only got to see 10% of the time, at most. We had separate rooms and there was no ” funny business”, but the trip and he were great.

I promised myself we wouldn’t get back together……..


A Trip of a Lifetime January 20, 2020

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:22 am
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With a recently ex boyfriend. Lovely. It’s been 3 weeks since the shit hit the fan and we finally called it quits. It’s been 2 weeks since our ridiculously excruciating week together at my beach haven ended and I dropped him at the airport. I haven’t spoken to him once. He’s messaged me a few times and I have not responded. He ‘likes’ all my FB and Instagram posts (like any good 13 year old would).

I’m trying to prepare myself for our upcoming trip. Both physically, mentally and logistically. It’s going to be weird. I SO wish he would do the right thing and not go, but we all know there is about .00001% chance of that happening. I called the tour company and asked for separate rooms. As the final payment has already been made, no changes are allowed without a hefty penalty. Like a BIG one! One I cannot afford.

What I can afford is to look up the hotels directly online and book an additional room and hope that it doesn’t get cancelled as a duplicate reservation. What I can do is to research tours and sights that I want to do and see and book them for myself. I am hopeful/certain that he will be ‘Charming Mr. OoT” and not “Antichrist Mr. OoT” on this trip *fingers crossed everyone*.


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And Off He Goes February 22, 2018

So he who still doesn’t have a blog name leaves for vacation today. He’ll be back in 10 days. I won’t. I don’t leave until next week and won’t be back until the 2nd week in March.

Seems like weird timing to meet someone. While I have never believed in ‘bad timing’ and always thought of it as an excuse (unless, of course, you’re about to be imprisoned or deported), maybe that’s what this is.

Our texting has been pretty surface lately. As my new dating coach, Matthew Hussey (seriously, check him out; he knows his shit and is HOT) suggested, I have not been the one to initiate texts. I have not been the needy one. I have not ‘tested’ the situation.

Tonight Mr Vacation (oh, look who just got assigned a completely unimaginative blog name) sent a text apologizing for being incommunicado and kinda bleh the past couple of days. As it was completely unprompted, it was nice. Hey, maybe this shit works! Normally I would completely validate him and not want him to feel bad so would normally excuse everything. As I’m trying to embrace a new normal, all I said was that I appreciated his apology. And then I did something I normally wouldn’t do for fear of sounding needy or *gasp* letting him know I was interested. I told him that I wished that we could have gotten together before he left. Nope, wasn’t even guilt trippy or passive aggressive. It was just a statement and I left it at that.

He responded right back with another apology and saying he wished we could have gotten together as well, but that he just sort of ran out of time. While the old Grey would get all gushy and forgiving and let him off the hook because ‘look! he likes me!’, the new Grey isn’t so sure. He did have time to see me. He had time to see friends. He just didn’t prioritize seeing me and has, in fact, now run out of time.

Maybe we’ll chat while he’s gone, maybe we won’t. I’m not going to initiate anything and I’m not going to worry about it. I’m going to enjoy the hell out of my own damn vacation! Of course I won’t completely write him off as I do think he’s a good guy, but I will pay attention to what he does when I return.

Let’s face it. I don’t really know this guy. We’ve only met once. We’ve since exchanged about 400 text messages. Who knows what will happen. Here’s the difference between old & (hopefully) new Grey; I know what I want and what I deserve. I don’t need to make everything so easy by making myself so available. No, that doesn’t mean I need or want to make things difficult either. It just means I’ll pay attention and while I can ‘mirror’ his effort, I will not do all the work.

Now, while I never lie to others, we all know that I’m pretty damn good at lying to myself, so I guess we’ll see…..


Swimming with Puppies July 11, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:05 pm
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Okay, more like ‘floating with inappropriately aged hotties’.  ‘Cause that’s what I did on my summer vacation.  I needed to get out of my home town which happens to be just about 2 degrees shy of the temperature of the sun, so I went to visit a friend.  Where there was a huge heat wave going on, so I only saved myself about 5 degrees off the triple digit heat.  Yey.  Anywho, I had a great time.  Ate enough for a small family of 27.  Drank enough for a large family of 27 and just relaxed.  Damn it was nice.  Since I was there on the 4th of July, we decided to float the river that snakes through the center of town.  With the rest of the world, apparently.  Anyway, it was my friend, her kids and their group of young friends.  And by young, I mean 24-27 year olds.  And one in particular was damn cute.  And nice.  And helpful.  Because I’m about as coordinated as a sumo wrestler when it comes to getting out of a boat.  Or raft.  Or car, for that matter.  It’s a river with several spots of rapids, so you can’t tie rafts together.  Basically it was everyone for themselves.  And I haven’t rafted in probably 20 years.  You can imagine what a mess I was trying to navigate.  Mr Cutie Patootie took pity on me I think and paddled over to me and hung on to my raft.  Oh, what I wouldn’t have given for him to hang on to something else.  Oh whoops, did I just write that?  He was just so nice.  What 27-year-old guy wants to float the river and chat with a 45-year-old lady with bad knees and an even worse attitude?  He did of apparently and it pretty much made my day (not to mention was the punch line of well intended jokes for the next 2 days).

I had our future all planned out.  I’d be his sugar momma.  He’d be my little stud muffin.  We’d fall madly in lust and live happily ever after.  For at least a month.  Or two.  Who knows …….. I may need to make another trip back there soon to see if there is another chapter to this story.  Hopefully one that is not so sadly PG.

Oh, and what else has been going on that has kept me from writing for so long you ask?  You didn’t?  Well that’s just rude.  Now I’m not going to tell you.  And there’s lots to tell.


The Countdown Is On October 30, 2011

No, not to see if I really go thru with talking to TD tomorrow night and insuring the demise of our friendship.  I’ve pretty much given myself an ulcer over the thought.  Note to self and everyone else.  Do not pre-plan things like this and put off doing them as it will only make you feel shittier in the end.  I feel like the biggest damn hypocrite ever.  Being his friend today when I know I won’t be come Tuesday.  Awesome feeling (and by awesome I mean I can’t really think of anything worse).  I’m not even going to tell you all that I was over there again last night because he was having another meltdown.  Oh wait …….. Yeah, yeah, I know.  I personally don’t think he should be dating at all right now and that he’s certainly not ready which flies in the face of why I’m dumping him, but if he’s going to date prematurely, then he ought to at least consider me.   See?  This is part of the reason we’re perfect for each other!  We’re both emotional idiots!  And rest assured, we would never procreate, so any possibly messed up kids being born would be out of the question.  That should make everyone sleep better, huh?

Anyway, that’s not what I’m referring to.  I’m talking about the countdown to my cruise!  Which will sail away this coming weekend!!! Yey for me!! I think.  I’ve never in my life been nervous about travelling alone.  I’ve never been nervous about my ability to make friends and talk to anyone.  I’ve never been nervous about anything regarding a vacation as no one knows me so I can act like the confident, flirty, outgoing person that I’m really not.  I’m kinda nervous this time.  Awesome.  Although I’ve had clothes hanging in my guest room for 3 weeks now for the ‘weeding out’ process (I don’t think 12 nice dresses for 7 nice dinners is all that necessary).  I am a list maker by nature.  It helps to minimize the effects of my early onset senility.  I make lists about what to pack.  What to wear.  Which outfits are for which days.  I haven’t made any lists yet.  Nor have I organized my life in any way shape or form in preparation of being gone for over a week.  Well, that’s not entirely true, but I doubt that the fact that I’ve been working on building up my ‘base tan’ for the trip counts for much in the long run.  What?  Darker colors are flattering! 😉

What if I get a sucky table assignment?  What if I dislike everyone on the ship?  What if there is absolutely no one for me to flirt with (and by flirt, I mean sort of make an ass out of myself)?  What if I just say ‘screw it all, i never have issues like this, so pull your head out of your ass and know that at the very least, you’re going to be able to get away, relax and not have to worry about one single thing aside from what cocktail to enjoy next and which 2 appetizers to order at the formal dinners each night?’.  Yeah, that’s more like it …….. Truly though, if I can’t manage to find a hookup on a ship with 3,000+ passengers and probably an equal number of pervy Italian crew members, then I suck more than I ever imagined.  Oh, and by ‘hookup’ I don’t necessarily mean a bike ride as we all know that I don’t even remember what to do on one of those at this point…….


Let’s Be Honest….. November 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:09 pm
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Alright, alright ~ we’re all friends here, right? I mean, all 3 of us, me and the 2 random people who accidentally ended up at my blog. 😉 So we all know that vacation was fun, that I love a good martini, that I like to have fun (get your minds out of the gutter), and that this year has pretty much sucked.

Well guess what that means?  Apparently when you mix all of those ingredients together, you get an obnoxiously drunk me who doesn’t remember most of what happened after 10pm on most nights from vacation!  *hanging head in shame*  I know! How embarrassing!  I have always been able to hold my alcohol.  I swear, I was like the retardedly inappropriate friend that entertains the masses during the trip!  Funny in a way, but really sorta sad in another!

Each time I would start to talk about something with my ‘new friend’, he would inform me that we’d already talked about it the night before! Holy shit!  I’m boring Aunt Martha who repeats herself all the time!

Here’s the kicker though … as I truly don’t remember all that was discussed (and really wish that I did, ’cause he was a good guy), I just hope I didn’t ‘share’ things that I don’t ‘share’ with people.  Again, mind out of the gutters people.  As you all have my best interest at heart, I’ll tell you as I’m under the completely misguided security that i’m completely anonymous here. 😉 Here’s what I’m hoping beyond hope that I didn’t slur say: I hope I didn’t mention my 2nd job, which I can’t stand ….. I hope I didn’t mention uh, how long it’s been since, well, you know ……. and I HOPE TO GOD I did not share my biggest  most pathetic fear of dying alone ……

Ugh! I just really wish I did know what was said.  I am the listener and love to learn about others.  The fact that I didn’t and *gasp* may have rambled on about myself instead is just mortifying!  Wanna know what else is mortifying?  One of the parts that I do remember is that I practically threw myself at this poor guy the last 2 nights!  Oy, I think I’m socially retarded ……… boo me ……


My Winter Vacation …… November 14, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:22 am
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Well, as I know the 2 of you that follow this blog have been wondering all week; how did the vacation go and did I finally get lucky?  The story (long winded or cliff’s note’s version? okay, long winded it is!) 😉 Oh fine, here’s the cliff’s notes version: eat, drink, tan, eat, drink, tan, drink, drink, drink, eat, tan, shop, drink, eat, drink …. from probably 8am ’til 3am every day 🙂

Now for the long winded version: 1st day, I board the ship (i won’t bore you with the details of the whole red-eye fiasco and how I feel that whoever dreamt that gem up should be shot), find my room and unpack.  I then head up on deck to discover that YEY! I was not only NOT the youngest one board, I wasn’t the oldest either!  Of course, as I had been on board for probably an hour at that point, I’d already visited the bar twice. 🙂 Anyway, it was a great mix of people but sadly, most were couples!  Awww, how romantic …….. NOT for me!  There were a few groups of husband-free women travelling together but after attempting to engage them in conversation and getting a less than warm response, I figured I’d go back to my old stand by.  Duh, hang by the bar & just talk to random people!

The 1st night is always the most nerve wracking as that is when you get to meet your tablemates for the entire week.  I have always lucked out and gotten great table assignments, so although I am usually not worried about things like this, I was a little.  Of course, in order to make a good impression, I decided not to drink much before dinner.  Yeah, well that didn’t last long as dinner wasn’t until 8:45pm and I discovered this great martini bar on board!  *swoon* I was in heaven!

Anyway, yes, I show up a bit tipsy, but thought I hid it okay to meet everyone and they are all really nice!  Oh, that would be all except for the icky stick up her ass lady who sits down next to me, has perfect posture (probably due to the stick up her ass), sticks out her hand like a drill sargeant, barks her name at me (while never once looking in my direction) and talks with an English accent although she is a native of DC …….. yeah, you know where this is going.  I refused to say a single word to her all night and she was happy as a clam to ignore me as well.  The rest of the table, however, was lovely!  Yey me!

Oh, I am getting long winded so here goes: great table mates! amazing couples that i met at the martini bar on night #1! totally cute guy that swears up and down he offered me a seat when I’m pretty sure that I just sort of plopped down that I met on night #2!   A great couple from Florida, one from South Carolina a hodgepodge of other wonderful people and they all helped to make my vacation a terrific one.   I know, I know, you don’t want to hear about all the great people I met, you just want me to get down to brass tacks.

Did I meat meet anyone?  Well the answer to that one my friends, is a sort of.  I’m not quite sure how to categorize us (and by ‘us’, I mean, uh, I don’t know).  He was cute and charming and witty and sweet and although I didn’t really see him during the days due to, well, I’m not sure, we hung out most nights.  And by hung out, I don’t mean hung out.  There were a couple of drunken hookups the 1st two nights (uh, did you miss the daily rundown? there was a lot of drunken everything) and then, well, those stopped.  It’s as if we were doing things somewhat backwards.  I’m not quite sure what happened actually, because although the hookups stopped, he still had dinner with us every night and hung out with me for hours on end.

As is pretty par for the course, I do believe that I have plopped myself into the friend zone once again (which, although I’m fine with as he’s a terrific guy, the alternative would have been great too).  We said goodbye that last night, he gave me some very sweet kisses, and promised to keep in touch and asked that I do the same.  What that means in the long run, I don’t know.  Well, I do know ~ it’s the vacation equivalent of ‘I’ll call you’.  Due to his job and inaccessibility to a phone or internet for weeks at time, I guess I really shouldn’t get my hopes up (but that just wouldn’t be my style, now would it).

There’s just so much more I’d like to know (and be able to remember) about him.  I don’t meet truly good-hearted guys often and know he would be an amazing friend to have ……….. *sigh* I just hope I didn’t fuck everything up with my oddly needy antics. Boo me.